Baxters Narrative of His Life and Times, Part 1 (7 of 7)

Baxters Narrative of His Life and Times · Part 1 (7 of 7)

p. 119In the end of this Book is an Appendix concerning the Cause of the Parliaments first War, which was thus occasioned: Sir Francis Nethersole a Religious Knight, who was against the lawfulness of the War on both sides, sent his man to me, with Letters to advise me to tell Cromwell of his Usurpation, and to counsel him to call in the King; of which when I had given him satisfaction, he sent him against with more Letters and Books, to convince me of the unlawfulness of the Parliament's War: And others attempting the same at the same time; and the Confusions which the Army had brought upon us, being such as made me very much disposed to think ill of those beginnings which had no better an end, I thought it best to publish my Detestation and Lamentation for those Rebellious Proceedings of the Army, (which I did as plainly as could be born, both in an Epistle to them, and in a Meditation in the end), and withal to declare the very Truth, that hereby I was made suspicious and doubtful of the beginnings or first Cause, but yet was not able to answer the Arguments which the Lawyers of the Parliament then gave, and which had formerly inclined me to that side. I conconfessed, that if men Miscarriages and ill Accidents would warrant me to Condemn the beginnings which were for another Cause, then I should have condemned them: But that being not the way, I found my self yet unable to answer the first Reasons; and therefore laid them down together, desiring the help of others to answer them, professing my own suspicion, and my daily prayers to God for just satisfaction. And this Paper is it that containeth all my Crimes. Against this, one Tomkins wrote a Book, called, The Rebels Plea. But I wait in silence till God enlighten us.

In the beginning of this Book having reprehended the Army, I answer a Book of Sir Henry Vane's called, The Healing Question. It was published when Richard Cromwell was pull'd down, and Sir H. Vane's New Commonwealth was forming.

§ 196. 40. About the same time, one that called himself W. Iohnson, (but I hear his Name is Mr. Terret) a Papist, engaged me in a Controversie, about the perpetual visibility of the Church; which afterwards I published; the story of which you have more at large in the following part of this Book. In the latter I inserted a Letter of one Thomas Smyth a Papist, with my Answer to it, which it seemeth occasioned his recovery from them, as is manifest in a Letter of Mr. Thomas Stanley his Kinsman (a sober godly man in Breadstreet) which I by his own consent subjoyned. To this Book Mr. Iohnson hath at last replyed; and I have since return'd an Answer to him.

§ 197. 41. Having been desired in the time of our Associations, to draw up those Terms which all Christian Churches may hold Communion upon; I published them, though too late for any such use (till God give men better minds) that the World might see what our Religion and our Terms of Communion were; and that if after Ages prove more peaceable, they may have some light from those that went before them. It consisteth of three parts:

The first containeth the Christian Religion, which all are positively to profess, that is, Either to subscribe the Scriptures in general, and the ancient Creeds in particular; or at most, The Confession (or Articles) annexed: e.g. [I do believe all the Sacred Canonical Scripture, which all Christian Churches do receive; and particularly I believe in God the Father Almighty, &c.]

The second Part (instead of Books of unnecessary Canons) containeth seven or eight Points of Practice for Church-Order, which, so it be practised, it is no great matter whether it be subscribed or not. And here it must be understood that these are written for Times of Liberty, in which Agreement rather than Force doth procure Unity and Communion.

The third Part containeth the larger-Description of the Office of the Ministry, and consequently of all the Ordinances of Worship; which need not be subscribed, but none should preach against it, nor omit the practice; except Peace require that the Point of Infant Baptism be left free.

p. 120This small Book is called by the Name of Universal Concord; which when I wrote, I thought to have published a Second Part, viz. a large Volume containing the particular Terms of Concord. between all Parties capable of Concord. But the Change of the Times hath necessarily changed that purpose.

§ 198. 42. The next published was a Sermon before the Parliament, the day before they voted in the King, being a Day of Humiliation appointed to that end. It is called A Sermon of Repentance, of which more afterward.

§ 199. 43. The next published was a Sermon preached before the Lord Mayor and Aldermen at Pauls, being on their Day of Rejoycing for General Monk's Success to bring in the King: It is called A Sermon of Right Rejoycing.

§ 200. 44. The next was a Sermon of the Life of Faith, preached before the King, being all that every I was called to preach before him, when I had been sworn his Chaplain in Ordinary: of which more afterward.

§ 201. 45. The next was called A Believer's last Work, being prepared for the Funeral of Mrs. Mary Hanmer, Mother to my Wife (then intended, but after married): Its use is to prepare for a Comfortable Death.

§ 202. 46. Before this (which I forgot in its proper place) I published a Treatise of Death, called, The last Enemy to be overcome, shewing the true Nature of the Enmity of Death, and its uses: Being a Funeral Sermon for Mrs. Elizabeth Baker, Wife to Mr. Ioseph Baker Minister at Worcester; with some Notes of her Life.

§ 203. 47. Another was called, The vain Religion of the Formal Hypocrite: A Discovery of the Nature and Mischief of a Formal vain Religion, preached at Westminister-Abby: with a Sermon annexed of the Prosperity of Fools. This being preached at Covent-Garden was unjustly accused, and published by way of Vindication, with the former.

§ 204. 48. The next was a Treatise on Luke 10. 42. One thing is needful; called, (A Saint or a Bruit) shewing the Necessity, Utility, Safety, Honour and Pleasure of a Holy Life, and evincing the Truth of our Religion against Atheists and Infidels and Prophane ones.

§ 205. 49. The next was a Treatise of Self-knowledge, preached at Dunstan's West, called, The Mischiefs of Self-ignorance, and Benefits of Self-acquaintance; which was published partly to vindicate it from many false Accusations, and partly at the desire of the Countess of Balcarres to whom it was directed. It was fitted to the Disease of this …urious Age, in which each man is ready to devour others, because they do not know themselves.

§ 206. 50. The next was a Treatise called The Divine Life: which containeth three Parts; The first is of the Right Knowledge of God, for the imprinting of his Image on the Soul, by the knowledge of his Attributes, &c. The second is, Of walking with God. The third is, Of improving Solitude to converse with God, when we are forsaken by all Friends, or separated from them.

The Occasion of the publishing of this Treatise was this; The Countess of Balcarres being going into Scotland, after her adobe in England, being deeply sensible of the loss of the Company of those Friends which she left behind her, desired me to preach the last Sermon which she was to hear from me on those words of Christ, Iohn 16. 32. Behold the hour cometh, yea is now come, that ye shall be Scattered every man to his own, and shall leave me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.] At her request I preached on this Text; and being afterward desired by her to give it her in Writing, and the Publication being her design, I prefixed the two other Treatises to make it more considerable, and published them together. The Treatise is upon the most Excellent Subject, but not elaborate at all; being but Popular Sermons preached in the midst of diverting Businesses, Accusations, and malicious Clamours.

When I offered it to the Press, I was fain to leave out the quantity of one Sermon in the end of the second Treatise [That God took Henoch]: wherein I shewed what a mercy it is to one that hath walked with God, to be taken to him from this World; because it is a dark, a wicked, a malicious, and implacable, a treacherous deceitful World, &c. All which the Bishop's Chaplain must have expunged, because men would think it was all spoken of them! And so the World hath got a Protection against the force of our Baptismal Vow.

§ 207. Because I have said so much in the Epistles of these two Books of the Countess of Balcarres, the Reader may expect some further satisfaction of her Quality, and the Cause.

p. 121She is Daughter to the late Earl of Seaforth in Scotland, towards the High-lands, and was married to the Earl of Balcarres, a Covenanter, but an Enemy to Cromwell's perfidiousness, and true to the Person and Authority of the King: with the Earl of Glencarne he kept up the last War for the King against Cromwell, and his Lady, through dearness of Affection, marched with him, and lay out of doors with him on the Mountains. At last Cromwell drove them out of Scotland, and they went together beyond Sea to the King; where they long followed the Court, and he was taken for the Head of the Presbyterians with the King, and by evil Instruments fell out with the Lord Chancellor, who prevailing against him, upon some advantage he was for a time forbidden the Court; the Grief whereof added to the Distempers he had contracted by his Warfare on the cold and hungry Mountains, cast him into a Consumption, of which he died. He was a Lord of excellent Learning, Judgment and Honesty; none being praised equally with him for Learning and Understanding in all Scotland.

When the Earl of Lauderdaile (his near Kinsman and great Friend) was Prisoner in Portsmouth and Windsor-Castle, he fell into acquaintance with my Books, and so valued them that he read them all, and took Notes of them, and earnestly commended them to the Earl of Balcarres (with the King). The Earl of Balcarres met at the first sight with some Passages where he thought I spake too favourably of the Papists, and differed from many other Protestants, and so cast them by, and sent the reason of his distaste to the Earl of Lauderdaile: who prest him but to read one of the Books over; which he did; and so read them all (as I have seen many of them marked with his hand); and was drawn to over-value them more than the Earl of Lauderdaile.

Hereupon his Lady reading them also, and being a Woman of very strong Love and Friendship, with extraordinary Entireness swallowed up in her Husband's Love, for the Books sake and her Husband's sake, she became a most affectionate Friend to me, before she ever saw me. While she was in France, being zealous for the King's Restoration (for whose Cause her Husband had pawned and ruined his Estate), by the Earl of Lauderdaile's direction, she with Sir Robert Murray, got divers Letters from the Pastors and others there, to bear witness of the King's sincerity in the Protestant Religion (among which there is one to me from Mr. Gaches). Her great Wisdom, Modesty, Piety and Sincerity, made her accounted the Saint at the Court. When she came over with the King, her extraordinary Respects obliged me to be so often with her, as gave me Acquaintance with her Eminency in all the foresaid Vertues: She is of solid Understanding in Religion, for her Sex; and of Prudence much more than ordinary; and of great Integrity and Constancy in her Religion, and a great Hater of Hypocrisie, and faithful to Christ in an unfaithful World; and she is somewhat over-much affectionate to her Friend; which hath cost her a great deal of Sorrow,She is since married to the Earl of Argyle. in the loss of her Husband, and since of other special Friends, and may cost her more when the rest forsake her, as many in Prosperity use to do those that will not forsake their Fidelity to Christ. Her eldest Son, the young Earl of Balcarres, a very hopeful Youth, died of a strange Disease, two Stones being found in his Heart, of which one was very great. Being my constant Auditor and over-respectful Friend, I had occasion for the just Praises and Acknowledgments which I have given her; which the occasioning of these Books hath caused me to mention.

§ 208. 51. After our Dispute at the Savoy, somebody printed our Papers (most of them) given in to them in that Treaty; of which the Petition for Peace, the Reformed Liturgy (except the Prayer for the King which Dr. W. wrote), the large Reply to their Answer of our Exceptions, and the two last Addresses were my writing: But in the first Proposals, and the Exceptions against the Liturgy, I had less to do than some others.

§ 209. 52. When the grievous Plague began at London, I printed a half-sheet (to stick on a Wall) for the use of the Ignorant and Ungodly who were sick, or in danger of the Sickness: (for the Godly I thought had less need, and would read those large Books, which are plentifully among us). And I the rather did it, because many well-winded People that are about the Sick, that are ignorant and unprepared, and know not what to say to them, may not only read so short a Paper to them, but see there in what method such Persons are to be dealt with in such a Case of Extremity, that they may themselves enlarge as they see Cause.

p. 122§ 210. 53. At that time one Mr. Nathaniel Lane wrote to me to intreat me to write one sheet or two for the use of poor Families, who will not buy or read any bigger Books. Though I knew that brevity would unavoidably cause me to leave out much necessary matter, or else to write in a Stile so concise and close as will be little moving to any but close judicious Readers, yet I yielded to his perswasions, and thought it might be better than nothing, and might be read by many that would read no larger; and so I wrote two Sheets for poor Families: The first containing the method and motives for the Conversion of the Ungodly. The second containing the Description or Character of a true Christian, or the necessary Parts of Christian Duty, for the direction of Beginners in a Godly Life. These three last Sheets were printed by the favour of the Archbishop's Chaplain, when the Bishop of London's Chaplain had put me out of hope of printing any more.

With all these Writings I have troubled the World already**Of what is since published, see after-ward.: and these are all except Epistles to other mens Works; (as one before Mr. Swinnock's Books of Regeneration; one before Mr. Hopkin's Book; one before Mr. Eedes; one before Mr. Matthew Pool's Model for Advancing Learning; one before Mr. Benjamin Baxter's Book; one before Mr. Ionathan Hanmer's Exercitation of Confirmation; one before Mr. Lawrence of Sickness; two before two of Mr. Tombe's Books; and some others; (of which there are two that I must give some account of).

The Bookseller being to print the Assembly's Works, with the Texts cited at length, desired me by an Epistle to recommend it to Families: I thought it a thing arrogant and unfit for a single Person, who was none of the Synod, to put an Epistle before their Works. But when he made me know that it was the desire of some Reverend Ministers, I wrote an Epistle, but required him to put it into other mens hands, to publish or suppress, according to their Judgment: but to be sure that they printed all or none. The Bookseller gets Dr. Manton to put an Epistle before the Book, who inserted mine in a differing Character in his own, (as mine, but not naming me): But he leaveth out a part, which it seems, was not pleasing to all. When I had commended the Catechisms for the use of Families, I added, That [I hoped the Assembly intended not all in that long Confession and those Catechisms, to be imposed as a Test of Christian Communion; nor to disown all that scrupled any word in it; If they had I could not have commended it for any such use, though it be useful for the instruction of Families, &c.] All this is left out, which I thought meet to open, lest I be there misunderstood.

Also take notice that the Poem prefixed to Mr. Vines's Book of the Sacrament, was not printed by any order of mine. Having received the Printed Book from the Stationer as Gift, it renewed my Sorrow for the Author's Death; which provoked me to write that Poem the same Night, in the Exercise of my Sorrow, and gave it the Donor for his Book; and he printed it without my knowledge.

§ 211. Manuscripts that are yet unprinted, which lye by me, are these following.

1.**Since printed twice. A Treatise in Folio, called, A Christian Directory, or Sum of Practical Divinity, In four Tomes: The first called Christian Ethicks; The second Christian Ecclesiasticks; The third, Christian Oeconomicks; The fourth, Christian Polisticks. It containeth bare Directions for the practice of our Duties in all these respects; as Christians, as Church-Members, as Members of the Family, and as Members of the Commonwealth: But there is a sufficient Explication of the Subject usually premised, and the Directions themselves are the Answers of most useful Cases of Conscience thereabouts, though the Cases be not named by way of Question: But where it was necessary the Cases are distinctly named and handled.

My intent in writing this, was at once to satisfie that motion so earnestly made by Bishop Usher, mentioned in the Preface to my Call to the Unconverted, which I had been hindred from doing by parts before: And I had some little respect to the request which was long ago sent to him from some Transmarine Divines, to help them to a Sum of Practical Divinity in the English method: But though necessary brevity hath deprived it of all life and lustre of Stile, it being but a Skeleton of Practical Heads: yet is it so large by reason of the multitude of things to be handled, that I see it will not be of so common a use as I first intended it. To young Ministers, and to the more intelligent and diligent sort of Masters of Families, (who would have a Practical Directory at hand to teach them every Christian Duty, and how to help others in the practice) it may be not unserviceable.

p. 1232. Another Manuscript is called [**Since printed. A christian indeed]: It consisteth of two Parts; The first is a Discovery of the calamities which folow the weakness and faultiness of many true Christians, and Directions for their strengthening and growth in Grace:Since printed as Directions for weak Christians. which was intended as the third particular Tractate in fulfilling the foresaid request of Bishop Usher; The Call to the Unconverted being for that sort; and the Directions for a sound Conversion, being for the second sort, who are yet as it were in the birth: And this being for the weaker and faultier sort, of Christians, which are the third sort. To which is added a second Part, containing the just Description of a sound confirmed Christian (whom I call a Christian indeed) in sixty Characters of Marks; and with each of them is adjoyned the Character of the weak Christian, and of the Hypocrite about the same part of Duty. But all is but briefly done (the Heads being many) without any life or ornament of Stile.

This short Treatise I offered to Mr. Thomas Grigg, **Now dead.the Bishop of London's Chaplain, to be licensed for the Press, (a man that but lately Conformed, and professed special respect to me); but he utterly refused it; pretending that it favoured of Discontent, and would be interpreted as against the Bishops and the Times. And the matter was, that in several Passages I spake of the Prosperity of the Wicked, and the Adversity of the Godly, and described Hypocrites by their Enmity to the Godly, and their forsaking the Truth for fear of Suffering, and described the Godly by their undergoing the Enmity of the wicked World, and being stedfast whatever it shall cost them, &c. And all this was interpreted as against the Church or Prelatists. I asked him whether they would license that of mine which they would do of another man's against whom they had not displeasure (in the same words): And he told me No: because the words would receive their interpretation with the Readers from the mind of the Author. And he askt me, whether I did not think my self that Nonconformists would interpret it as against the Times. I answered him, yes, I thought they would; and so they do all those Passages of Scripture which speak of Persecution and the Suffering of the Godly; but I hoped Bibles should be licensed for all that. I asked him whether that was the Rule which they went by, that they would license nothing of mine which they thought any Readers would interpret as against the Bishops or their Party. And when he told me plainly, that it was their Rule or Resolution, I took it for my final Answer, and purposed never to offer him more: For I despair of writing that which men will not interpret according to their own Condition and Opinion; especially against those whose Crimes are notorious before the World. This made me think what a troublesome thing is Guilt, which, as Seneca saith, is like a Sore, which is pained not only with a little touch, but sometime upon a conceit that it is touched; and maketh a man think that every Bryar is a Sergeant to Arrest him; or with Cain, that every one that seeth him would kill him! A Cainites heart and life hath usually the attendance of a Cainities Conscience. I did but try the Licenser with this small inconsiderable Script, that I might know what to expect for my more valued Writings! And I told him that I had troubled the World with so much already, and said enough for one man's part, that I could not think it very necessary to say any more to them; and therefore I should accept of his discharge. But fain they would have had my Controversal Writings, (about Universal Redemption, Predetermination, &c. in which my Judgment is more pleasing to them); but I was unwilling to publish them alone, while the Practical Writings are refused. And I give God thanks that I once saw Times of greater Liberty (though under an Usurper); or else as far as I can discern, scarce any of my Books had ever seen the Light.

3. Another Manuscript that lyeth by me, is a Disputation for some Universality of Redemption **Publisht since the Author's Death, by Mr. Ios. Read, which hath lain by me near Twenty years unfinished, partly because many narrow minded Brethren would have been offended with it, and and partly because at last came out after Amyraldus, and Davenant's Diss…rtations, a Treatise of Dallaeus, which contained the same things, but especially the same Testimonies of concordant Writers which I had prepared to produce.

4. There is also by me an imperfect Manuscript of Predetermination.

5. And divers Disputations of sufficient Grace.

6. And divers miscellaneous Disputations on several Questions in Divinity, cursorily managed at our Monthly Meetings.

7. And my two Replies to Mr. Cartwright's Exceptions against my Aphorisms.**Since Printed.

8. And my two Replies to Mr. Lawson's Animadversions on the same Book.

p. 1249. And my Reply to Mr. Iohn Warren's Animadversions (which being first done is least digested).

10. And the beginning of a Reply to Dr. Wallis's Animadversions.

11. And a Discourse of the Power of Magistrates in Religion, against those that would not have them to meddle in such Matters, being an Assize Sermon preached at Shrewsbury when Coll. Thomas Hunt was Sheriff.

12. And some Fragments of Poetry.**Since Printed.

13. And a Multitude of Theological Letters.

14. And an imperfect Treatise of Christ's Dominion, being many popular Sermons preached twenty Years ago; and very rude and undigested; with divers others.

§ 212. And concerning almost all my Writings I must confess, that my own Judgment is, that fewer well studied and polished had been better: but the Reader who can safely censure the Books is not fit to censure the Author, unless he had been upon the Place, and acquainted with all the Occasions and Circumstances: Indeed for the Saints Rest I had Four Months Vacancy to write it (but in the midst of continual Languishing and Medicine): But for the rest I wrote them in the Crowd of all my other Imployments, which would allow me no great Leisure for Polishing and Exactness, or any Ornament; so that I scarce ever wrote one Sheet twice over, nor stayed to make any Blo…s or Interlinings, but was fain to let it go as it was first conceived: And when my own Desire was rather to stay upon one thing long, than run over many, some sudden Occasions or other extorted almost all my Writings from me: and the Apprehensions of Present Usefulness or Necessity prevailed against all other Motives. So that the Divines which were at hand with me still put me on and approved of what I did, because they were moved by Present Necessities as well as I: But those that were far off, and felt not those nearer Motives, did rather wish that I had taken the other way, and published a few elaborate Writings; and I am ready my self to be of their Mind, when I forgot the Case that then I stood in, and have lost the Sense of former Motives. The opposing of the Anabaptists, Separatists, Quakers, Antinomians, Seekers, &c. were Works which then seemed necessary; and so did the Debates about Church Government and Communion which touched our present Practice; but now all those Reasons are past and gone, I could wish I had rather been doing some work of more durable Usefulness. But even to a foreseeing Man, who knoweth what will be of longest use, it is hard to discern how far that which is presently needful may be omitted, for the sake of a greater future Good. There are some other works, wherein my Heart hath more been set than any of those forementioned; in which I have met with great Obstructions. For I must declare that in this as in many other Matters I have found that we are not the Choosers of our own Imployments, no more than of our own Successes.

§ 213. Because it is Soul-Experiments which those that urge me to this kind of Writing, do expect that I should especially communicate to others, and I have said little of God's dealing with my Soul since the time of my younger Years, I shall only give the Reader so much Satisfaction, as to acquaint him truly what Change God hath made upon my Mind and Heart since those unriper times, and wherein I now differ in Judgment and Disposition from my self: And for any more particular Account of Heart-Occurrences, and God's Operations on me, I think it somewhat unsavory to recite them; seeing God's Dealings are much what the same with all his Servants in the main, and the Points wherein he varieth are usually so small, that I think not such fit to be repeated: Nor have I any thing extraordinary to glory in, which is not common to the rest of my Brethren, who have the same Spirit, and are Servants of the same Lord. And the true Reason why I do adventure so far upon the Censure of the World, as to tell them wherein the Case is altered with me, is that I may take off young unexperienced Christians from being over confident in their first Apprehensions, or overvaluing their first degrees of Grace, or too much applauding and following unfurnished unexperienced Men; but may somewhat be directed what Mind and Course of Life to prefer, by the Judgment of one that hath tryed both before them.

1. The Temper of my Mind hath somewhat altered with the Temper of my Body. When I was young, I was more vigorous, affectionate, and servent in Preaching, Conference and Prayer, than (ordinarily) I can be now; my Stile was more extemporate and laxe, but by the Advantage of Affection, and a very familiar moving Voice and Utterance, my preaching then did more affect the Auditory, than many of the last Years before I gave over Preaching; but yet what I delivered was p. 125much more raw, and had more Passages that would not bear the Tryal of accurate Judgments; and my Discourses had both less Substance and less Iudgment than of late.

2. My understanding was then quicker, and could easilyer manage any thing that was newly presented to it upon a sudden; but it is since better furnished, and acquainted with the ways of Truth and Error, and with a Multitude of particular Mistakes of the World, which then I was the more in Danger of, because I had only the Faculty of Knowing them, but did not actually know them. I was then like a Man of a quick Understanding that was to travail a way which he never went before, or to cast up an Account which he never laboured in before, or to play on an Instrument of Musick which he never saw before: And I am now like one of somewhat a slower Understanding (by that praematura Senectus which weakness and excessive bleedings brought me to) who is travelling a Way which he hath often gone, and is casting up an Account which he hath often cast up, and hath ready at hand, and that is playing on an Instrument which he hath often played on: So that I can very confidently say, that my Judgment is much sounder and firmer now than it was then; for though I am now as competent Judge of the Actings of my own Understanding then, yet I can judge of the Effects: And when I peruse the Writings which I wrote in my younger Years, I can find the Footsteps of my unfurnished Mind, and of my Emptyness and Insufficiency: So that the Man that followed my Judgment then, was liker to have been misled by me, than he that should follow it now.

And yet, that I may not say worse than it deserveth of my former measure of Understanding, I shall truly tell you what change I find now, in the perusal of my own Writings. Those Points which then I throughly studied, my Judgment is the same of now, as it was then; and therefore in the Substance of my Religion, and in those Controversies which I then searcht into, with some extraordinary Diligence, I find not my mind disposed to a Change: But in divers Points that I studied slightly and by the halves, and in many things which I took upon trust from others, I have found since that my Apprehensions were either erroneous, or very lame. And those things which I was Orthodox in, I had either insufficient Reasons for, or a mixture of some sound and some insufficient ones, or else an insufficient Apprehension of those Reasons; so that I scarcely knew what I seemed to know: And though in my Writings I found little in substance which my present Judgment differeth from, yet in my Aphorisms and Saints Rest; (which were my first Writings) I find some raw unmeet Expressions; and one common Infirmity I perceive, that I put off Matters with some kind of Confidence, as if I had done something new or more than ordinary in them, when upon my more mature Reviews, I find that I said not half that which the Subject did require: As E. g. in the Doctrine of the Covenants, and of Justification, but especially about the Divine Authority of the Scripture in the second part of the Saints Rest; where I have not said half that should have been said; and the Reason was, because that I had not read any of the fuller sort of Books that are written on those Subjects, nor conversed with those that knew more than my self, and so all those things were either new or great to me, which were common and small perhaps to others; and because they all came in by the way of my own Study of the naked matter, and not from Books, they were apt to affect my mind the more, and to seem greater than they were. And this Token of my Weakness accompanied those my younger Studies, that I was very apt to start up Controversies in the way of my Practical Writings, and also more desirous to acquaint the World with all that I took to be the Truth, and to assault those Books by Name which I thought did tend to deceive them, and did contain unsound and dangerous Doctrine; And the Reason of all this was, that I was then in the vigour of my youthfull Apprehensions, and the new Appearance of any sacred Truth, it was more apt to affect me, and be highlyer valued, than afterward, when commonness had dulled my Delight; and I did not sufficiently discern then how much in most of our Controversies is verbal, and upon mutual Mistakes. And withal I know not how impatient Divines were of being contradicted, nor how it would stir up all their Powers to defend what they have once said, and to rise up against the Truth which is thus thrust upon them, as the mortal Enemy of their Honour: And I knew not how hardly Mens Minds are charged from their former Apprehensions be the Evidence never so plain. And I have perceived, that nothing so much hindreth the Reception of the Truth, as urging it on Men with too harsh Importunity, and falling too heavily on their Errors: For hereby you engage their Honour in the business, p. 126and they defend their Errors as themselves, and stir up all their Wit and Ability to oppose you: In controversies it is fierce Opposition which is the Bellows to kindle a resisting Zeal; when if they be neglected, and their Opinions lie a while despised, they usually cool and come again to themselves (though I know that this holdeth not when the Greediness and Increase of his Followers, doth animate a Sectary, even though he have no Opposition). Men are so loth to be drenched with the Truth, that I am no more for going that way to work; and to confess the Truth, I am lately much prone to the contrary Extream, to be too indifferent what Men hold, and to keep my Judgment to my self, and never to mention any thing wherein I differ from another, or any thing which I think I know more than he; or at least, if he receive it not presently to silence it, and leave him to his own Opinion: And I find this Effect is mixed according to its Causes, which are some good, and some bad: The bad Causes are 1. An Impatience of Mens weakness and mistaking frowardness and Self-conceitedness. 2. An Abatement of my sensible Esteem of Truth, through the long abode of them on my Mind: Though my Judgment value them, yet it is hard to be equally affected with old and common things, as with new and rare ones. The better Causes are 1. That I am much more sensible than ever of the necessity of living upon the Principles of Religion, which we are all agreed in, and uniting these; and how much Mischief Men that overvalue their own Opinions have done by their Controversies in the Church; how some have destroyed Charity, and some caused Schisms by them, and most have hindered Godlyness in themselves and others, and used them to divert Men from the serious prosecuting of a holy Life; and as Sir Francis Bacon saith, (in his Essay of Peace) that it's one great Benefit of Church-Peace and Concord, that writing Controversies is turned into Books of practical Devotion for increase of Piety and Virtue. 2. And I find that it's much more for most Mens Good and Edification, to converse with them only in that way of Godliness which all are agreed in, and not by touching upon Differences to stir up their Corruptions; and to tell them of little more of your knowledge, than what you find them willing to receive from you as meer Learners; and therefore to stay till they crave Information of you (as Musculus did with the Anabaptists; when he visited them in Prison, and conversed kindly and lovingly with them, and shewed them all the Love he could, and never talkt to them of their Opinions, till at last they who were wont to call him a Deceiver and false Prophet, did intreat him to instruct them, and received his Instructions). We mistake Mens Diseases when we think there needeth nothing to cure their Errors; but only to bring them the Evidence of Truth: Alas! there are many Distempers of Mind to be removed, before Men are apt to receive that Evidence. And therefore that Church is happy where Order is kept up, and the Abilities of the Ministers command a reverend Submission from the Hearers; and where all are in Christ's School in the distinct Ranks of Teachers and Learners: For in a learning way Men are ready to receive the Truth, but in a Disputing way they come armed against it with Prejudice and Animosity.

3. And I must say farther, that what I last mentioned on the by, is one of the notablest Changes of my Mind: In my youth I was quickly past my Fundamentals, and was running up into a multitude of Controversies, and greatly delighted with metaphisical and scholastick Writings (though I must needs say, my Preaching was still on the necessary Points): But the elder I grew the smaller stress I layd upon these Controversies and Curiosities (though still my intellect abho…reth Confusion), as finding far greater Uncertainties in them, than I at first discerned, and finding less Usefulness comparatively, even where there is the greatest Certainty. And now it is the fundamental Doctrines of the Catechism, which I highliest value, and daily think of, and find most useful to my self and others: The Creed, the Lord's Prayer, and the Ten Commandments, do find me now the most acceptable and plentiful matter, for all my Meditations: They are to me as my daily Bread and Drink: And as I can speak and write of them over and over again; so I had rather read or hear of them, than of any of the School Niceties, which once so much pleased me. And thus I observed it was with old Bishop Usher, and with many other Men: And I conjecture that this Effect also is mixt of good and bad, according to its Causes.

The bad Cause may perhaps be some natural Infirmity and Decay: And as Trees in the Spring shoot up into Branches, Leaves and Blossoms; But in the Autumn the Life draws down into the Root; so possibly, my Nature conscious of its Infirmity and Decay, may find it self insufficient for numerous Particles, and Assurgency to the attempting of difficult thing; and so my Mind may retire to the Root of p. 127Christian Principles; and also I have often been afraid, lest ill-rooting at first, and many Temptations afterwards, have made it more necessary for me than many others to retire to the Root, and secure my Fundamentals. But upon much Observation I am afraid lest most others are in no better a Case; and that at the first they take it for a granted thing, that Christ is the Saviour of the World, and that the Soul is Immortal, and that there is a Heaven and a Hell, &c. while, they are studying abundance of a Scholastick Superstructures, and at last will find cause to study more soundly their Religion it self, as well as I have done.

The better Causes are these: 1. I value all things according to their Use and Ends; and I find in the daily Practice and Experience of my Soul, that the Knowledge of God and Christ, and the Holy Spirit, and the Truth of Scripture, and the Life to come, and of a Holy Life, is of more use to me, than all the most curious Speculations. 2. I know that every Man must grow (as Trees do) downwards and upwards both at once; and that the Roots increase as the Bulk and Branches do. 3. Being nearer Death and another World, I am the more regardful of those things which my Everlasting Life or Death depend on. 4. Having most to do with ignorant miserable People, I am commanded by my Charity and Reason, to treat with them of that which their Salvation lyeth on; and not to dispute with them of Formalities and Neceties, when the Question is presently to be determined whether they shall dwell for ever in Heaven or in Hell. In a Word, my Meditations must be most upon the matters of my Practice and my Interest: And as the Love of God, and the seeking of Everlasting Life is the Matter of my Practice and my Interest, so must it be of my Meditation. That is the best Doctrine and Study which maketh men better, and tendeth to make them happy. I abhor the Folly of those unlearned Persons, who revile or despise Learning because they know not what it is: And I take not any piece of true Learning to be useless: And yet my Soul approveth of the Resolution of Holy Paul, who determined to know nothing among his Hearers, (that is, comparatively to value and make Oftentation of no other Wisdom) but (that Knowledge of) a Cruchfied Christ; to know God in Christ is Life Eternal. As the Stock of the Tree affordeth Timber to build Houses and Cities, when the small though higher multi…arious Branches are but to make a Crowns Nest, or a Blaze: So the Knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ, of Heaven and Holyness, doth build up the Soul to endless Blessedness, and affordeth it solid Peace and Comfort; when a multitude of School…Niceties serve but for vain Janglings and hurtful Diversions and Contentions: And yet I would not dissuade my Reader from the perusal of Aquinas, Scotus, Ockam, Arminiensis, Durandus, or any such Writer; for much Good may be gotten from them: But I would persuade him to study and live upon the essential Doctrines of Christianity and Godliness, incomparably above them all. And that he may know that my Testimony is somewhat regardable, I presume to say, that in this I as much gainsay my natural Inclination to Subtilty and Accurateness in Knowing, as he is like to do by his, if he obey my Counsel. And I think if he lived among Infidels and Enemies of Christ, he would find that to make good the Doctrine of Faith and of Life Eternal, were not only his noblest and most useful Study; but also that which would require the height of all his Parts, and the utmost of his Diligence, to manage it skilfully to the Satisfaction of himself and others.

4. I add therefore that this is Another thing which I am changed in; that whereas in my younger Days I never was tempted to doubt of the Truth of Scripture or Christianity, but all my Doubts and Fears were exercised at home, about my own Sincerity and Interest in Christ, and this was it which I called Unbelief; since then my soreft Assaults have been on the other side, and such they were, that had I been void of internal Experience, and the Adhesion of Love, and the special help of God, and had not discerned more Reason for my Religion than I did when I was younger, I had certainly Apostatized to Infidelity (though for Atheism or Ungodliness, my Reason seeth no stronger Arguments, than may be brought to prove that there is no Earth or Air, or Sun). I am now therefore much more Apprehensive than heretofore, of the Necessity of well grounding Men in their Religion, and especially of the Witness of the indwelling Spirit: For I more sensibly perceive that the Spirit is the great Witness of Christ and Christianity to the World: And though the Folly of Fanaticks tempted me long to over-look the Strength of this Testimony of the Spirit, while they placed it in a certain internal Assertion, or enthusiastick Inspiration; yet now I see that the Holy Ghost in another manner is the Witness of Christ and his Agent in the World: The Spirit in the Prophets was p. 128his first Witness; and the Spirit by Miracles was the second; and the Spirit by Renovation, Sanctification, Illumination and Consolation, assimilating the Soul to Christ and Heaven is the continued Witness to all true Believers: And if any Man have not the Spirit of Christ, the same is none of his, Rom. 8. 9. Even as the Rational Soul in the Child is the inherent Witness or Evidence, that he is the Child of Rational Parents. And therefore ungodly Persons have a great disadvantage in their resisting Temptations to unbelief, and it is no wonder if Christ be a stumbling block to the Jews, and to the Gentiles foolishness. There is many a one that hideth his Temptations to Infidelity, because he thinketh it a shame to open them, and because it may generate doubts in others: but I doubt the imperfection of most mens care of their Salvation, and of their diligence and resolution in a holy Life, doth come from the imperfection of their belief of Christianity and the Life to come. For my part I must profess, that when my belief of things Eternal and of the Scripture is most clear and firm, all goeth accordingly in my Soul, and all Temptations to sinful Compliances, Worldliness or Flesh-pleasing, do signifie worse to me, than an invitation to the Stocks or Bedlam. And no Petition seemeth more necessary to me than [Lord increase our Faith: I Believe, help thou my unbelief.]

5. Among Truths certain in themselves, all are not equally certain unto me; and even of the Mysteries of the Gospel, I must needs say with Mr. Richard Hooker Eccl. Polit. that whatever men may pretend, the subjective Certainty cannot go beyond the objective Evidence: for it is caused thereby as the print on the Wax is caused by that on the Seal: Therefore I do more of late than ever discern a necessity of a methodical procedure in maintaining the Doctrine of Christianity, and of beginning at Natural Verities, as presupposed fundamentally to supernatural (though God may when he please reveal all at once, and even Natural Truths by Supernatural Revelation): And it is a marvellous great help to my Faith, to find it built on so sure Foundations, and so consonant to the Law of Nature. I am not so foolish as to pretend my certainty to be greater than it is, meerly because it is a dishonour to be less certain; nor will I by shame be kept from confessing those Infirmities, which those have as much as I, who hypocritically reproach me with them. My certainty that I am a Man, is before my certainty that there is a God; for Quod facit notum est magis notum: My certainty that there is a God, is greater than my certainty that he requireth love and holiness of his Creature: My certainty of this is greater than my certainty of the Life of Reward and Punishment hereafter: My certainty of that, is greater than my certainty of the endless duration of it, and of the immortality of individuate Souls: My certainty of the Deity is greater than my certainty of the Christian Faith: My certainty of the Christian Faith in its Essentials, is greater than my certainty of the Perfection and Infallibility of all the Holy Scriptures: My certainty of that is greater than my certainty of the meaning of many particular Texts, and so of the truth of many particular Doctrines, or of the Canonicalness of some certain Books. So that as you see by what Gradations my Understanding doth proceed, so also that my Certainty differeth as the Evidences differ. And they that have attained to greater Perfection, and a higher degree of Certainty than I, should pity me and produce their Evidence to help me. And they that will begin all their Certainty with that of the Truth of the Scripture, as the Principium Cognoscendi, may meet me at the same end; but they must give me leave to undertake to prove to a Heathen or Infidel, the Being of a God; and the necessity of Holiness, and the certainty of a Reward or Punishment, even while he yet denieth the Truth of Scripture, and in order to his believing it to be true.

6. In my younger years my trouble for Sin, was most about my Actual failings in Thought, Word, or Action, (except Hardness of Heart, of which more anon). But now I am much more troubled for …nward Defects, and omission or want of the Vital Duties or Graces in the Soul. My daily trouble is so much for my Ignorance of God, and weakness of Belief, and want of greater love to God, and strangeness to him, and to the Life to come, and for want of a greater willingness to die, and longing to be with God in Heaven, as that I take not some Immoralities, though very great, to be in themselves so great and odious Sins, if they could be found as separate from these. Had I all the Riches of the World, how gladly should I give them, for a fuller Knowledge, Belief, and Love of God and Everlasting Glory! These wants are the greatest burden of my Life, which oft maketh my Life it self a burden. And I cannot find any hope of reaching so high in these, while I am in the Flesh, as I once hoped before this time to have attained: which maketh me the wearier of this sinful World, which is honoured with so little of the Knowledge of God.

p. 1297. Heretofore I placed much of my Religion in tenderness of heart, and grieving for sin, and penitential tears; and less of it, in the love of God, and studying his love and goodness, and in his joyful praises, than now I do. Then I was little sensible of the greatness and excellency of Love and Praise; though I coldly spake the same words in its commendations, as now I do: And now I am less troubled for want of grief and tears (though I more value humility, and refuse not needful Humiliation): But my Conscience now looketh at Love and Delight in God, and praising him, as the top of all my Religious Duties, for which it is that I value and use the rest.

8. My Judgment is much more for frequent and serious Meditation on the heavenly Blessedness, than it was heretofore in my younger days. I then thought that a Sermon of the Attributes of God, and the Joys of Heaven… were not the most excellent; and was wont to say, Every body knoweth this, that God is great and good, and that Heaven is a blessed place; I had rather hear how I may attain it. And nothing pleased me so well as the Doctrine of Regeneration, and the Marks of Sincerity; which was because it was suitable to me in that state: but now I had rather read, hear or meditate, on God and Heaven, than on any other Subject: for I perceive that it is the Object that altereth and elevateth the Mind; which will be such as that is, which it most frequently feedeth on: And that it is not only useful to our comfort, to be much in Heaven in our believing thoughts; but that is must animate all our other Duties, and fortifie us against every Temptation and Sin; and that the Love of the end is it that is the poise or spring, which setteth every Wheel a going, and must put us on to all the means: And that a Man is no more a Christian indeed than he is Heavenly.

9. I was once wont to meditate most on my own heart, and to dwell all at home, and look little higher: I was still poring either on my Sins or Wants, or examining my Sincerity; but now, though I am greatly convinced of the need of Heart-acquaintance and imployment, yet I see more need of a higher work; and that I should look often upon Christ, and God, and Heaven, than upon my own Heart. At home I can find Distempers to trouble me, and some Evidences of my Peace: but it is above that I must find matter of Delight and Ioy, and Love and Peace: it self. Therefore I would have one thought at home upon my self and sins, and many thought above upon the high and amiable and beatifying Objects.

10. Heretofore I knew much less than now; and yet was not half so much acquainted with my Ignorance: I had a great delight in the daily new Discoveries which I made, and of the Light which shined in upon me (like a Man that cometh into a Country where he never was before): But I little knew either how imperfectly I understood those very Points, whose discovery so much delighted me, nor how much might be said against them; nor how many things I was yet a stranger to: But now I find far greater Darkness upon all things, and perceive how very little it is that we know in comparision of that which we are ignorant of, and and have far meaner thoughts of my own Understanding, though I must needs know that it is better furnished than it was them.

11. Accordingly I had then a far higher opinion of Learned Persons and Books, than I have now; for what I wanted my self, I thought every Reverend Divine had attained, and was familiar acquainted with: And what Books I understood not by reason of the strangeness of the Terms, or Matter, I the more… admired and thought that others understood their worth. But now Experience h…th constrained me against my will to know, that Reverend Learned Men are imperfect, and know but little as well as I; especially … that think themselves the wise… And the better I am acquainted with them, the more I perceive that we are all yet in the dark: And the … I am acquainted with holy Men, that are all for Heaven, and pretend not much to Subtilties, the more I value and honour them. And when I have studied hard to understand some abs…ruse admired Book, (as De Scientia Dei, De … Praedeterminatione, de Libert… to Creature a, &c.) I have but attained the Knowledge of Humane Imperfection, and to see that the Author … but a Man as well as …

12. And at first I took… more upon my Author's Cr…dit, … now I can do… And when an Author was highly commend…d to me by … or, pleased me in some part, I was ready to entertain the whole; whereas now I take and leave in the same Author, and dissent in some things from… him that I like best, as well as from others.

p. 13013. At first I was greatly inclined to go with the highest in controversies, on one side or other; as with Dr. Twisse, and Mr. Rutherford, and Spanhemi… de Providentia, & gratia, &c. But now I can so easily see what to say against both extreams that I am much more inclinable to reconciling Principles. And whereas then I thought that Conciliators were but ignorant men, that were willing to please all, and would pretend to reconcile the World by Principles which they did not understand themselves; I have since perceived that if the amiableness of Peace and Concord had no hand in the business, yet greater Light and stronger Judgment usually is with the Reconcilers, than with either of the contending Parties (as with Davenant, Hall, Usher, Lud. Crocius, Bergius, Strangius, Camero, &c.) But on both accounts their Writings are most acceptable, (though I know that Moderation may be a pretext of Errors).

14. At first the Stile of Authors took as much with me as the Argument, and made the Arguments seem more forcible: But now I judge not of Truth at all by any such Ornaments or Accidents, but by its naked Evidence.

15. I now see more Good and more Evil in all Men than heretofore I did: I see that Good men are not so good, as I once thought they were, but have more Imperfections: And that nearer approach and fuller trial, doth make the best appear more weak and faulty, than their Admirers at a distance think. And I find that few are so bad, as either their malicious Enemies, or censorious separating Professors do imagine. In some indeed I find that Humane Nature is corrupted into a greater likeness to Devils, than I once thought any on Earth had been. But even in the wicked usually there is more for grace to make advantage of, and more to testifie for God and Holiness, than I once believed there had been.

16. I less admire Giftes of Utterance and bare Profession of Religion than I once did; and have much more Charity for many, who by the want of Gi…ts, do make an obscurer Profession than they. I once thought that almost all that could pray movingly and fluently, and talk well of Religion, had been Saints. But Experience hath opened to me, what odious Crimes may consist with high Profession; and I have met with divers obscure Persons, not noted for any extraordinary Profession, or forwardness in Religion, but only to live a quiet blameless Life, whom I have after found to have long lived, as far as I could discern, a truly godly and sanctified Life; only their Prayers and Duties were by accident kept secret from other mens observation. yet he that upon this pre…ence would confound the Godly and the Ungodly, may as well go about to lay Heaven and Hell together.

17. I am not so narrow in my special Love as heretofore: Being less cens…rious, and talking more than I did for Saints, it must needs follow that I love more …s Saints than I did before. I think it not lawful to put that Man off with bare Church Communion, and such common Love which I must allow the Wicked, who professeth himself a true Christian, by such a Profession as I cannot disprove.

18. I am not too narrow in my Principles of Church Communion as once I was: I more plainly perceive the difference between the Church as Congregate or visible, and as Regenerate or Mystical: and between Sincerity and Profession; and that a Credible Profession is proof sufficient of a Man's Title to Church Admission: and that the Profession is Credible in foro Ecclesiae, which is not disproved. I am no… for narrowing the Church more than Christ himself alloweth us; nor for robbing him of any of his Flock. I am more sensible how much it is the Will of Christ th…t every Man be the chooser or refuser of his own felicity, and that it li…th most on his own hands, whether he will have Communion with the Church or not; and that if he be an hypocrite it is himself that will bear the loss.

19. Yet am I more apprehensive than ever of the great use and need of Ecclesiastical Discipline, and what a sin it is in the Pastors of the Church, to make no distinction, but by bare Names and Sacraments, and to force all the unmeet against their own wills, to Church Communion and Sacraments (though the ignorant and erroneous may sometime be forced to hear instruction): And what a great dishonour to Christ it is, when the Church shall be as vicious as Pagan and Mahometan Assemblies, and shall differ from them only in Ceremony and Name.

20. I am much more sensible of the Evil of Schism, and of the Separating… Humour, and of gathering Parties, and making several Sects in the Church than I was heretofore. For the Effects have shewed us more of the mischiefs.

p. 13121. I am much more sensible how prone many young Professors are to Spiritual Pride and Self-conceitedness, and Unruliness and Division, and so to prove the Grief of their Teachers, and Firebrands in the Church; and how much of a Minister's work lieth in preventing this, and humbling and confirming such young unexperienced Professors, and keeping them in order in their progress in Religion.

22. Yet am I more sensible of the Sin and Mischief of using Men cruelly in Matters of Religion, and of pretending Mens good, and the Order of the Church, for Acts of Inhumanity or Uncharitableness: Such know not their own Infirmity, nor yet the nature of Pastoral Government, which ought to be Paternal and by Love; nor do they know the way to win a Soul, nor to maintain the Churches Peace.

23. My Soul is much more afflicted with the thoughts of the miserable World, and more drawn out in desire of their Conversion than heretofore: I was wont to look but little further than England in my Prayers, as not considering the state of the rest of the World: Or if I prayed for the Conversion of the Jews, that was almost all. But now as I better understand the Case of the World, and the method of the Lord's Prayer, so there is nothing in the World that lyeth so heavy upon my heart, as the thought of the miserable Nations of the Earth: It is the most astonishing part of all God's Providence to me, that he so far forsaketh almost all the World, and confineth his special Favour to so few: That so small a part of the World hath the Profession of Christianity, in comparison of Heathens, Mahometans and other Infidels! And that among professed Christians there are so few that are saved from gross Delusions, and have but any competent Knowledge: and that among those there are so few that are seriously Religious, and truly set their hearts on Heaven. I cannot be affected so much with the Calamities of my own Relations, or the Land of my Nativity, as with the Case of the Heathen, Mahometan, and ignorant Nations of the Earth. No part of my Prayers are so deeply serious, as that for the Conversion of the Infidel and Ungodly World, that God's Name may be sanctified, and his Kingdom come, and his Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven: Nor was I ever before so sensible what a Plague the Division of Languages was which hindereth our speaking to them for their Conversion; nor what a great Sin Tyranny is, which keepeth out the Gospel from most of the Nations of the World. Could we but go among Tartarians, Turks, and Heathens, and speak their Language, I should be but little troubled for the silencing of Eighteen hundred Ministers at once in England, nor for all the rest that were cast out here, and in Scotland and Ireland: There being no Employment in the World so desirable in my Eyes, as to labour for the winning of such miserable Souls: which maketh me greatly honour Mr. Iohn Eliot, the Apostle of the Indians in New-England, and whoever else have laboured in such work.

24. Yet am I not so much inclined to pass a peremptory Sentence of Damnation upon all that never heard of Christ; having some more reason than I knew of before, to think that God's dealing with such is much unknown to us! And that the Ungodly here among us Christians are in a far worse Case than they.

25. My Censures of the Papists do much differ from what they were at first: I then thought that their Errours in the Doctrines of Faith were their most dangerous Mistakes, as in the Points of Merit, Justification by Works, Assurance of Salvation, the Nature of Faith, &c. But now I am assured that their mis-expressions, and mis-understanding us, with our mistakings of them, and inconvenient expressing our own Opinions, hath made the difference in these Points to appear much greater than they are; and that in some of them it is next to none at all. But the great and unreconcilable Differences lye, in their Church Tyranny and Usurpations, and in their great Corruptions and Abasement of God's Worship, together with their befriending of Ignorance and Vice. At first I thought that Mr. Perkins well proved that a Papist cannot go beyond a Reprobate: but now I doubt not but that God hath many sanctified Ones among them, who have received the true Doctrine of Christianity so practically, that their contradictory Errours prevail not against them, to hinder their Love of God, and their Salvation: but that their Errours are like a conquerable Dose of Poyson which Nature doth overcome. And I can never believe that a Man may not be saved by that Religion, which doth but bring him to the true Love of God, and to heavenly Mind and Life: nor that God will ever cast a Soul into Hell that truly loveth him. Also at first it would disgrace any Doctrine with me, if I did but hear it called Popery and Antichristian: but I have long learned to be more impartial, and to dislike Men for p. 132bad Doctrine, rather than the Doctrines for the Men; and to know that Satan can use even the Names of Popery and Antichrist, against a Truth.

26. I am deeplier afflicted for the disagreements of Christians than I was when I was a younger Christian. Except the Case of the Infidel World, nothing is so sad and grievous to my thoughts, as the Case of the divided Churches. And therefore I am more deeply sensible of the sinfulness of those Prelates and Pastors of the Churches, who are the principal Cause of these Divisions. O how many millions of Souls are kept by them in ignorance, and ungodliness, and deluded by Faction as if it were true Religion. How is the Conversion of Infidels hindered by them! and Christ and Religion heinously dishonoured! The Contentions between the Greek Church and the Roman, the Papists and the Protestants, the Lutherans and the Calvinists, have wofully hindered the Kingdom of Christ.

27. I have spent much of my Studies about Terms of Christian Concord, and have over and over considered of the several ways, which several sorts of Reconcilers have devised: I have thought of the Papists way, who think there will be no Union, but by coming over wholly to their Church: and I have found that it is neither Possible nor desirable. I have thought and thought again of the way of the moderating Papists, Cassander, Grotius, Balwin, &c. and of those that would have all reduced to the state of the Times of Gregory the First, before the Division of the Greek and Latin Churches, that the Pope might have his Primacy, and govern all the Church by the Canons of the Councils, with a Salvo to the Right of Kings and Patriarchs and Prelates; and that the Doctrines and Worship which then were received might prevail. And for my own part, if I lived in such a state of the Church, I would live peaceably, as glad of Unity, though lamenting the Corruption and Tyranny: But I am fully assured that none of these are the true desirable Terms of Unity, nor such as are ever like to procure an Universal Concord: And I am as sure that the true Means and Terms of Concord are obvious and easie to an impartial willing mind. And that these three Things alone would easily heal and unite all the Churches.

1. That all Christian Princes and Governours take all the Coercive Power about Religion into their own hands, (though if Prelates and their Courts must be used as their Officers in exercising that Coercive Power, so be it): And that they make a difference between the approved and the tolerated Churches; and that they keep the Peace between these Churches, and settle their several priviledges by a Law.

2. That the Churches be accounted Tolerable, who profess all that is in the Creed, Lord's Prayer and Decalogue in Particular, and generally all that they shall find to be revealed in the Word of God, and hold Communion in Teaching, Prayer, Praises, and the two Sacraments, not obstinately preaching any Heresie contrary to the particular Articles which they profess, nor seditiously disturbing the Publick Peace: And that such Heretical Preaching, and such Seditious unpeaceableness, or notorious Wickedness of Life, do forfeit their Toleration.

3. And that those that are further Orthodox in those Particulars, which Rulers think fit to impose upon their Subjects, have their publick Maintenance and greater Encouragement. Yea, and this much is become neccessary, but upon supposition that Men will still be so self-conceited and uncharitable, as not to forbear their unnecessary Impositions. Otherwise there would be found but very few who are Tolerable, that are not also in their measure to be approved, maintained and encouraged. And if the Primitive Simplicity in Doctrine, Government and Worship, might serve turn, for the Terms of the Churches Union and Communion, all would be well without any more ado; supposing that where Christian Magistrates are, they keep the Peace, and repress the Offenders, and exercise all the Coercive Government: And hereticks, who will subscribe to the Christian Faith, must not be punished! because they will subscribe to no more, but because they are proved to preach or promote Heresie, contrary to the Faith which they profess.

28. I am farther than ever I was from expecting great matters of Unity, Splendor or Prosperity to the Church on Earth, or that Saints should dream of a Kingdom of this World, or slatter themselves with the Hopes of a Golden Age, or reigning over the Ungodly, (till there be a new Heaven and a new Earth wherein dwelleth Righteousness). And on the contrary I am more apprehensive that Sufferings must be the Churches most ordinary Lot, and Christians indeed must be selfdenying Cross-bearers, even where there are none but formal nominal Christians to be the Cross-makers: And though ordnarily God would have Vicissitudes of Summer and Winter, Day and Night, that the Church may grow extensively in the Summer of Prosperity, p. 133and intensively and radicatedly in the Winter of Adversity; yet usually their Night is longer than their Day, and that D…y its self hath its Storms and Tempests. For the Prognosticks are evident in their Causes: 1. The Church will be still Imperfect and Sinful, and will have those Diseases which need this bitter Remedy. 2. Rich Men will be the Rulers of the World; and Rich Men will be generally so far from true Godliness, that they must come to Heaven as by Human Impossibilities, as a Camel through a Needles Eye. 3. The Ungodly will ever have an Enmity against the Image of God, and he that is born of the Flesh will persecute him that was born after the Spirit, and Brotherhood will not keep a Cain from killing an Abel, who offereth a more acceptable Sacrifice than himself: And the Guilty will still hate the Light, and make a Prey to their Pride and Malice of a Conscionable Reprover. 4. The Pastors will be still troubling the Church with their Pride and Avarice and Contentions; and the worst will be seeking to be the Greatest, and they that seek it are likest to attain it. 5. He that is highest will be still imposing his Conceits upon those under him, and Lording it over God's Heritage, and with Di…trephes casting out the Brethren, and ruling them by constraint, and not as Volunteers. 6. Those that are truly judicious will still comparatively be few; and consequently the Troublers and Dividers will be the Multitude; and a judicious Peace-maker and Reconciler will be neglected, slighted, or hated by both Extreams. 7. The Tenour of the Gospel Predictions, Precepts, Promises and Threatnings, are fitted to a People in a suffering State. 8. And the Graces of God in a Believer are mostly sured to a State of Suffering. 9. Christians must imitate Christ, and suffer with him before they reign with him; and his Kingdom was not of this World. 10. The Observation of God's dealing hitherto with the Church in every Age confirmeth me: and his befooling them that have dreamed of glorious Times. It was such Dreams that transported the Munster Anabaptists, and the Followers of David George in the Low Countries, and Campanella, and the Illuminati among the Papists, and our English Anabaptists and other Fanaticks here, both in the Army and the City and Country. When they think the Golden Age is come, they shew their Dreams in their extravagant Actions: And as our Fifth Monarchy Men, they are presently upon some unquiet rebellious Attempt, to set up Christ in his Kingdom whether he will or not. I remember how Abraham Scultetus in Curriculo Vitae suae confesseth the common Vanity of himself and other Protestants in Germany, who seeing the Princes in England, France, Bohemia, and many other Countrys, to be all at once both Great and Wise, and Friends to Reformation, did presently expect the Golden Age: But within one year either Death, or Ruines of War or Back-slidings, had exposed all their Expectations to Scorn, and laid them lower than before.

29. I do not lay so great a Stress upon the external Modes and Formes of Worship, as many young Professors do. I have suspected my self, as perhaps the Reader may do, that this is from a cooling and declining from my former Zeal (though the truth is, I never much complyed with Men of the Mind): But I find that Iudgment and Charity are the Causes of it, as for as I am able to discover. I cannot be so narrow in my Principles of Church-Communion as many are; that are so much for a Liturgy, or so much against it, so much for Ceremonies or so much against them, that they can hold Communion with no Church that is not of their Mind and Way. If I were among the Greeks, the Lutherans, the Independants; yea, the Anabaptists (that own no Herisy, nor set themselves against Charity and Peace) I would hold sometimes occasional Communion with them as Christians (if they will give me leave, without forcing me to any sinful Subscription or Action): Though my most usual Communion should be with that Society, which I thought most agreeable to the Word of God, if I were free to chuse. I cannot be of their Opinion that think God will not accept him that prayeth by the Common-Prayer-Book, and that such Forms are a self-invented Worship which God rejecteth: Nor yet can I be of their Mind that say the like of extemporary Prayers.

30. I am much less regardful of the Approbation of Man, and set much lighter by Contempt or Applause, than I did long ago. I am oft suspicious that this is not only from the increase of Self-denial and Humility; but partly from my being glutted and surfeited with human Applause: And all worldly things appear most vain and unsatisfactory when we have tryed them most. But though I feel that this hath some hand in the Effect, yet as far as I can perceive, the Knowledge of Man's Nothingness, and God's transcendent Greatness, with whom it is that I have most to do, and the sense of the brevity of humane things, and the nearness p. 134of Eternity are the principal Causes of this Effect; which some have imputed to Self-conceitedness and Morosity.

31. I am more and more pleased with a solitary Life; and though in a way of Self-denial I could submit to the most publick Life, for the service of God, when he requireth it, and would not be unprofitable that I might be private; yet I must confess, it is much more pleasing to my self, to be retired from the World, and to have very little to do with Men, and to converse with God and Conscience and good Books; of which I have spoken my Heart in my Divine Life, Part III.

32. Though I was never much tempted to the Sin of Covetousness, yet my fear of dying was wont to tell me, that I was not sufficiently loosened from this World. But I find that it is comparatively very easy to me to be loose from this World, but hard to live by Faith above. To despise Earth is easy to me; but not so easy to be acquainted and conversant in Heaven. I have nothing in this World which I could not easily let go; but to get satisfying Apprehensions of the other World is the great and grievous Difficulty.

33. I am much more apprehensive than long ago, of the Odiousness and Danger of the Sin of Pride; scarce any Sin appeareth more odious to me: Having daily more Acquaintance with the lamentable Naughtiness and Frailty of Man, and of the Mischiefs of that Sin; and especially in Matters Spiritual and Ecclesiastical: I think so far as any Man is proud he is kin to the Devil, and utterly a Stranger to God and to himself: It's a Wonder that it should be a possible Sin, to Men that still carry about with them, in Soul and Body, such humbling matter of Remedy as we all do.

34. I more than ever lament the Unhappiness of the Nobility, Gentry, and great ones of the World, who live in such Temptation to Sensuality, Curiosity and wasting of their time about a multitude of little things; and whose Lives are too often the Transcript of the Sins of Sodom; Pride, fulness of Bread, and abundance of Idleness, and want of Compassion to the Poor. And I more value the Life of the poor Labouring Man; but especially of him that hath neither Poverty nor Riches.

35. I am much more sensible than heretofore, of the Breadth, and Length, and Depth of the radical, universal, odious Sin of Selfishness, and therefore have written so much against it: And of the Excellency and Necessity of Self-denial, and of a publick Mind, and of loving our Neighbour as our selves.

36. I am more and more sensible that most Controversies have more need of right Stating than of Debating; and if my Skill be increased in any thing it is in that, in narrowing Controversies by Explication, and separating the real from the verbal, and proving to many Contenders, that they differ less than they think they do.

37. I am more solicitous than I have been about my Duty to God, and less solicitous about his Dealings with me; as being assured that he will do all things well; and as acknowledging the Goodness of all the Declarations of his Holyness, even in the Punishment of Man; and as knowing that there is no Rest but in the Will and Goodness of God.

38. Though my Works were never such as could be any Temptation to me to dream of obliging God by proper Merit, in commutative Justice; yet one of the most ready, constant, undoubted Evidences of my Uprightness and Interest in his Covenant, is the Consciousness of my living as devoted to him: And I the easilier believe the Pardon of my Failings through my Redeemer, while I know that I serve no other Master, and that I know no other End, or Trade, or Business; but that I am imployed in his Work, and make it the Business of my Life, and live to him in the World, notwithstanding my Infirmities: And this Bent and Business of my Life, with my longing Desires after Perfection, in the Knowledge and Belief and Love of God, and in a Holy and Heavenly Mind and Life, are the two standing, constant, discernable Evidences, which most put me out of doubt of my Sincerity: And I find that constant Action and Duty is it that keepeth the first always in Sight; and constant Wants and Weaknesses, and coming short of my Desires, do make those Desires still the more troublesom, and so the more easily still perceived.

39. Though my habitual Judgment and Resolution and Scope of Life be still the same, yet I find a great Mutability as to actual Apprehensions, and Degrees of Grace; and consequently find that so mutable a thing as the Mind of Man, would never keep its self if God were not its Keeper. When I have been seriously musing upon the Reasons of Christianity, with the concurrent Evidences methodically p. 135placed in their just Advantages before my Eyes, I am so clear in my Belief of the Christian Verities, that S…tan hath little room for a Temptation. But sometimes when he hath on a sudden set some Temptation before me, when the foresaid Evidences have been out of the Way, or less upon my Thoughts, he hath by such Surprizes amazed me, and weakened my Faith in the present Act: So also as to the Love of God, and trusting in him, sometimes when the Motives are clearly apprehended, the Duty is more easy and delightful: And at other times, I am meerly passive and dull, if not guilty of actual Despondency and Distrust.

40. I am much more cautelous in my Belief of History than heretofore: Not that I run into their Extream that will believe nothing because they cannot believe all things. But I am abundantly satisfyed by the Experience of this Age, that there is no believing two sorts of Men, Ungodly Men and Partial Men (though an honest Heathen of no Religion may be believed, where Enmity against Religion byasseth him not; yet a deba…ed Christian, besides his Enmity to the Power and Practice of his own Religion, is seldom without some further Byass of Interest or Faction; especially when these concurr, and a Man is both ungodly and ambitious, espousing an Intere…t contrary to a holy heavenly Life, and also F…ctious, embodying himself with a Sect or Party suited to his Spirit and Designs, there is no believing his Word or Oath. If you read any Man partially bitter against others as differing from him in Opinion, or as cross to his Greatness, Interest or Designs, take heed how you believe any more, than the Historical Evidence distinct from his Word compelleth you to believe. The prodigious Lies which have been published in this Age in matters of Fact, with unblushing Confidence, even where thousands or Multitudes of Eye and Ear-Witnesses kn…w all to be false, doth call Men to take heed what History they believe, especially where Power and Violence affordeth that Priviledge to the Reporter, that no Man dare answer him or detect his Fraud, or if they do their Writings are all supprest. As long as Men have Liberty to examine and contradict one another, one may partly conjecture by comparing their Words, on which side the Truth is like to lie. But when great Men write History, or Flatteries by their Appointment, which no Man dare contradict, believe it but as you are constrained. Yet in these Cases I can freely believe History: 1. If the Person shew that he is acquainted with what he faith. 2. And if he shew you the Evidences of Honesty and Conscience, and the Fear of God (which may be much perceived in the Spirit of a Writing). 3. And if he appear to be Impartial and Charitable, and a Lover of Goodness and of Mankind; and not possest with Malignity, or personal ill Will and Malice, nor carried away by Faction or personal Interest: Conscionable Men dare not lye; but Faction and Interest abate Mens Tenderness of Conscience. And a charitable impartial Heathen may speak Truth in a love to Truth, and hatred of a Lye: But ambitious Malice and false Religion, will not stick to serve themselves on any thing. It's easy to trace the Footsteps of Veracity in the Intelligence, Impartiality, and Ingenuity of a Thua…s, a …, a P…lus V…et. though Papists, and of Secrates and So…, though accused by the Factious of favouring the Novations; and many Protestants in a M…lanct…, a …, and many more; and among Physicians in such as Crat…, Pla…us, &c. But it's … easy to see the Footsteep… of Partiality and Faction and Design, in a Gensb…rd, a …, and a Multitude of their Companions; and to see reason of Suspicion in many more. Therefore I confess I give but halting Credit to most Histories that are written, not only against the Albigouses and …, but against most of the Ancient Hereticks, who have left us none of their own Writings, in which they speak for themselves, and I hartily lament that the Historical Writings of the Ancient Schismaticks and … (as they were called) perished, and that partiality suffered them not to sh…vi…, that we might have had more Light in the Church-Affairs of those times, and been better able to judge between the Fathers and them. And as I am pro…e to think that few of them were so …ad as their Adversaries made them; so I am apt to think that such as the Novations, and Luci…rians, and …, &c. whom their Adversaries commend, were very good Men, and … Godly than most Catholicks, however mistaken in some one Point. Sure I am, that as the Lies of the Papists, of …, Zwinglius, C…lvin, and …, are visibly malicious and imp…dent, by the common plenary contradicting Evidence; and yet the Multitude of their Seduced ones believe them all in despight of Truth and Charity; so in this Age there have been such things written against Parties and Persons whom the Writers design to make odious; so notoriously false as you would think that the Sense of their Honour at least, should have made it impossible for such Men to write: My own p. 136Eyes have read such Words and Actions asserted with most vehement iterated unblushing Confidence, which abundance of Ear-Witnesses, even of their own Parties must needs know to have been altogether false: and therefore having my self now written this History of my self, notwithstanding my Protestation that I have not in any thing wilfully gone against the Truth, I expect no more Credit from the Reader, than the self-evidencing Light of the matter, with concurrent rational Advantages, from Persons, and Things, and other Witnesses, shall constrain him to; if he be a Person that is unacquainted with the Author himself, and the other Evidences of his Veracity and Credibility. And, I have purposely omitted almost all the Descriptions of any Persons that ever opposed me, or that ever I or my Brethren suffered by, because I know that the appearance of Interest and partiality might give a fair excuse to the Readers incredulity: (Although indeed the true Description of Persons is much of the very Life of History, and especially of the History of the Age which I have lived in; yet to avoid the suspicion of Partiality I have left it out). Except only when I speak of the Cromwellians and Sectaries, where I am the more free, because none suspecteth my Interest to have engaged me against them; but (with the rest of my Brethren) I have opposed them in the obedience of my Conscience, when by pleasing them I could have had almost any thing that they could have given me, and when before-hand I expected that the present Governours should silence me, and deprive me of Maintenance, House and Home, as they have done by me and many hundreds more. Therefore I supposed that my Descriptions and Censures of those Persons which would have enriched and honoured me, and of their Actions against that Party which hath silenced, impoverished and accused me, and which before-hand I expected should do so, are beyond the Suspicion of Envy, Self-interest or Partiality: If not, I there also am content that the Reader exercise his Liberty, and believe no worse even of these Men, than the Evidence of Fact constraineth him.

Thus much of the Alterations of my Soul, since my younger years, I thought best to give the Reader, instead of all those Experiences and Actual Motions and Affections, which I suppose him rather to have expected an account of. And having transcribed thus much of a Life which God hath read, and Conscience hath read, and must further read, I humbly lament it, and beg pardon of it, as sinful and too unequal and unprofitable: And I warn the Reader to amend that in his own, which he findeth to have been amiss in mine; confessing also that much hath been amiss which I have not here particularly mentioned, and that I have not lived according to the abundant Mercies of the Lord. But what I have recorded, hath been especially to perform my Vows, and declare his Praise to all Generations, who hath filled up my days with his unvaluable Favours, and bound me to bless his Name for ever: And also to prevent the defective performance of this Task, by some overvaluing Brethren, who I know intended it, and were unfitter to do it than my self. And for such Reasons as Iunius, Scaltetus, Thuanus, and many others have done the like before me. The principal of which are these three: 1. As Travellers and Seamen use to do after great Adventures and Deliverances, I here by satisfie my Conscience, in praising the Blessed Author of all those undeserved Mercies which have filled up my Life. 2. Foreseeing by the Attempts of Bishop Morley, what Prelatists and Papists are like to say of me, when they have none to contradict them, and how possible it is that those that never knew me may believe them, though they have lost their hopes with all the rest, I take … to be my Duty to be so faithful to that stock of Reputation which God hath intrusted me with, as to defend it at the rate of opening the Truth. Such as have made the World believe that Luther consulted with the Devil, that Calvin was a stigmatized Sodomite; that Beza turned Papist, &c. to blast their Labours, I know are very like to say any thing by me, which their Interest or Malice tell them will any way advantage their Cause, to make my Writings unprofitable when I am dead. 3. That young Christians may be warned by the Mistakes and Failings of my unriper Times, to learn in patience, and live in watchfulness, and not be fierce and proudly confident in their first Conceptions; And to reverence ripe experienced Age, and to take heed of taking such for their Chief Guides as have nothing but immature and unexperienced Judgments, with fervent Affections, and free and confident Expressions; but to learn of them that have (with holiness) study, time and trial, looked about them as well on one side as the other, and attained to clearness and impartiality in their Judgments.

p. 1371. But having mentioned the Changes which I think were for the better, I must add, that as I confessed many of my Sins before, so since I have been guilty of many, which because materially they seemed small, have had the less resistance, and yet on the review to trouble more than if they had been greater done in ignorance: It can be no small sin formally which is committed against Knowledge and Conscience and Deliberation, whatever excuse it have. To have sinned while I preacht and wrote against Sin, and had such abundant and great obligations from God, and made so many promises against it, doth lay me very low: not so much in fear of Hell, as in great displeasure against my self, and such self abho…ence as would cause revenge upon my self, were it not forbidden. When God forgiveth me I cannot forgive my self; especially for any rash words or deeds, by which I have seemed injurious, and less tende… and kind than I should have been to my near and dear Relations, whose Love abundantly obliged me; when such are dead, though we never differed in point of Interest or any great Matter, every sowr or cross provoking word which I gave them, maketh me almost unreconcileable to my self: and tells me how Repentance brought some of old to pray to the Dead whom they had wronged, to forgive them, in the hurry of their Passion.

2. And though I before told the Change of my Judgment against provoking Writings, I have had more will than skill since to avoid such. I must mention it by way of penitent Confession, that I am too much inclined to such words in Controversal Writings which are too keen, and apt to provoke the Person whom I write against. Sometimes I suspect that Age sowreth my Spirits, and sometimes I am apt to think that it is long thinking and speaking of such things that maketh me weary, and less patient with others that understand them not: And sometimes I am ready to think that it is out of a hatred of the flattering humour which now prevaileth so in the World, that few Persons are able to bear the Truth: And I am sure that I cannot only bear my self such Language as I use to others, but that I expect it. I think all these are partly Causes; but I am sure the principal Cause is a long Custom of studying how to speak and write in the keenest manner to the common, ignorant, and ungodly People (without which keeness to them, no Sermon nor Book does much good); which hath so habituated me to it, that I am still falling into the same with others; forgetting that many Ministers and Professors of Strictness do desire the greatest sharpness to the Vulgar, and to their Adversaries, and the greatest lenity and smoothness and comfort, if not honour to themselves. And I have a strong natural inclination to speak of every Subject just as it is, and to call a Spade a Spade, & verba rebus aptare; so as that the thing spoken of may be fulliest known by the words; which methinks is part of our speaking truly. But I unfeignedly confess that it is faulty, because impru… … that is not a good means which doth harm, because it is not fitted to … and because whilst the Readers think me angry, (though I feel no … times in my self) it is scandalous and a hinderance to the usefulness of … write: And especially because (though I feel no Anger, yet which is worse) I know that there is some want of Honour and Love or Tenderness to others; or else I should not be apt to use such words as open their weakness and offend them: And therefore I repent of it, and wish all over-sharp passages were expunged from my Writings, and desire forgiveness of God and Man. And yet I must say that I am oft afraid of the contrary Extream, lest when I speak against great and dangerous Errours and Sins, (though of Persons otherwise honest) I should encourage men to them, by speaking too easily of them (as Eli did to his Sons), and lest I should so favour the Person as may befriend the Sin and wrong the Church. And I must say as the New-England Synodists in their Defence against Mr. Davenport, pag. 2. Pref. [We heartily desire that as much as may be, all Expressions and Reflexions may be forborn that tend to break the Bond of Love. Indeed such is our Infirmity, that the naked discovery of the fallacy or invalidity of anothers Allegations or Arguings is apt to provoke. This in Disputes is unavoidable.]

And therefore I am less for a disputing way than ever; believing that it tempteth Men to bend their Wits, to defend their Errours and oppose the Truth, and hindereth usually their information: And the Servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle to all Men, &c. Therefore I am most in Judgment for a Learning or a Teaching way of Converse: In all Companies, I will be glad either to hear those speak that can teach me, or to be heard of those that have need to learn.

p. 138And that which I named before on the by, is grown one of my great Diseases: I have lost much of that Zeal which I had, to propagate any Truths to others, save the meer Fundamentals. When I perceive People or Ministers (which is too common) to think they know what indeed they do not, and to dispute those things which they never throughly studied, or expect I should debate the Case with them, as if an hours talk would serve instead of an acute understanding and seven years study, I have no Zeal to make them of my Opinion, but an impatience of continuing Discourse with them on such Subjects, and am apt to be silent or to turn to something else: which (though there be some reason for it) I feel cometh from a want of Zeal for the Truth, and from an impatient Temper of Mind. I am ready to think that People should quickly understand all in a few words; and if they cannot, lazily to despair of them, and leave them to themselves: And I the more know that it is sinful in me, because it is partly so in other things; even about the Faults of my Servants or other Inferiours, if three or four times warning do no good on them, I am much tempted to despair of them, and turn them away and leave them to themselves.

I mention all these Distempers, that my Faults may be a warning to others to take heed, as they call on my self for Repentance and Watchfulness. O Lord, for the Merits and Sacrifice and Intercession of Christ, be merciful to me a Sinner, and forgive my known and unknown Sins.