Monthly Preparations for Holy Communion, Part 4 – Part 5
A Meditation on the Death of Chriſt, Preparative to the Scrament: Pen'd for his private uſe.
BUT is he dead? Oh ſad! yet joyful news! how ſtrangely is my ſoul amazed, and diverſly mov'd and troubl'd by theſe contrary paſſions! methinks I could pull up the floodgates of my ſorrow, and vent it out in tears; but ſomething bids me hold. Shall I mourn for him that's juſt now paſt his ſtate of mourning? He's dead! and what of that? And ſo are all his griefs, his bloody ſweats, his ſighs and groans concluded, He hath drunk on the brook in the way; bitter while they were in his mouth, and he was living; but ſweet now they have ſunk into his belly, and he in Heaven. Sweet to him, becauſe it was his work, & he hath finiſht it; and ſweet to me, becauſe it was the portion of ſorrow, death, hell, that I muſt have taken. And canſt thou mourn! methinks if thou didſt love, thine heart ſhould rather ſympathize with his: He is ſinging, and ſhalt thou be ſighing? He is joying that his work is done, and now is welcomed into Heaven by God his Father, and ſhouting up by Angels voices, as the great Conquerour of the hearts of men on earth, and that now in triumph he is returned. And will a mournful weed, a wet eye, and a cloudy brow, become thee at theſe times of Feſtivals? Shall the Heavenly Angels be joyful, and thou ſad? How ſtrangely will this be conſtrued! Will it not be ſaid, thou doſt not love him? or thou doſt envy his recovered glory that he had left, and now again hath taken? Or that thou canſt not endure to ſee him wear his Princes Crown in Heaven, that for a time he had laid aſide to come down to the earth to fetch thee thence to Heaven? But ah! my Lord, thou wilt not ſure interpret ſorrow thus; thou haſt not ſure forgot to give a meaning unto tears, to teach a ſigh to ſpeak, and then to know its language! Hath my Lord forgot ſo ſuddenly that he was on earth, and that he ſweat, and groan'd, and wept, and bled, as well as I do now? What though now all tears, and ſorrow, and ſighing is done away, and he ceaſeth to be any longer ſubject to our infirmities? yet ſure he knows it is not thus with us. I am not yet in Heaven, nor am I yet quite paſt the vale of ſorrow; and it cannot then be ſtrange to him, if he ſees ſometimes our faces look of a ſadder hue than thoſe that are in Heaven. But why ſhould thus my tears be check'd, and my throbbing heart be chidden; were it for a thing of nought I might be counted fool or child; but ſhall my Saviour die, and vent his Soul in a ſtream of blood, and all in love to me? and ſhall he thus forſake the world, and die and then be laid in the grave, and I be denied the liberty of following him thither as a mourner? Shall it be ſaid of the Prince of Glory, that he died and had the burial of an Aſs? becauſe there was none to ſorrow forth thoſe words of, Ah my Lord! What! ſhall it be granted to a Wife to mourn for the death of a beloved Husband? and to a Child at the burial of a beloved Father? Shall not ſuch be blamed, but rather pitied? And ſhall their friends come in and confeſs the loſs and the ground of their ſorrow juſt, and rather ſit them down and bear them company in their grief? And muſt I of all be thus cenſur'd? Away with an Husband, Wife, or Child to me: Is he not more to me than ten Husbands? Might I not have had an hundred that would have never done half ſo much for me as he hath done? That firſt left his glory for my ſake, and then laid down his life, and took the ſtroke upon himſelf that I my ſelf deſerved, and all becauſe he lov'd me? Was ever friend like this friend! and ever love, like this love! Many waters cannot quench love; but neither waters, blood, death, nor many deaths could quench his love to me. But ſhall he love, and die in love, and thus be forc'd to leave me, becauſe he lov'd me, and I not mourn the abſence of my beſt Beloved? How unreaſonable may any this deny me! But ah! what a bitter-worded check did I even now receive; as if my ſorrow would ariſe from the envying of his now glorious ſtate, and not from any love I bare him! Oh! what needle-pointed words are thoſe! methinks they have pierc'd mine heart in every part and from each prick hath ſtarted forth a drop, that hath ſet it o're with a bloody dew! But how can it once be thought that envy ſhould get a room in an heart that's full of love, with which it ſwells, it bubbles up, and runs all over? it cannot be. Bear witneſs heavens! I do not grieve that you contain him, but that I on earth have loſt him! Oh my God! I am not ſorry that thy Son hath paſt his ſufferings, and is arriv'd to reſt, and got again into thy boſom, his ancient neſt of love and pleaſure. Oh you bleſſed Orders of Seraphim & Cherubims, and you innumerable company of the ſpirits of the juſt men made perfect! I do not envy that you have my Lord with you, that you ſee his face, and live and walk, and joy in the light of his countenance: Alas! we your poor Brethren could not make him ſo welcome here on earth, as you can there: we lov'd him as ſincerely as you, and believ'd in him, and took delight too in him; but yet nothing near ſo much as you. You know him better than we do; for you know him as you are known, and therefore know better how to prize him. We know him but in part, and the value, price, & love could but be in the like proportion. He is therefore far much better there than here; and how ſhall I then either envy him or you! And what, my ſoul! ſhould I wiſh him back again? what if I thought I could prize and love him more, and could promiſe the like for all his beloved diſciples? I could not alike engage for the wicked, envious, malicious, unbelieving world; I could not promiſe he ſhould meet with no other Herod to ſeek his life, or that the hard-hearted Jews would give him better entertainment, whom they dare yet curſe with the name of Conjurer, though Moſes and their Prophets bore witneſs to him, and though they received a ſeal from Heaven in voices, thunders, ſigns, and an innumerable company of real Miracles. Oh no! my Lord! though I could wiſh to ſee thy face again on earth, yet not in ſuch a ſtate of miſery in the midſt of a den of Bears, and Lions, as not long ſince thou waſt. Ah! thou knoweſt I took no delight to hear that traiterous news of thine own Apoſtle that had betray'd thee; & that it fill'd mine heart with anguiſh to hear how ſhamefully and ſcornfully thou waſt abuſed. Thou ſaweſt me bluſh when I heard thy face was ſpit on; my head did ake when thine was crowned with thorns. Anguiſh and indignation did looſe my nerves, and with a palſie ſhook mine hands, when thine had a Mock Scepter put into them, a reed, and a ſcoff, Hail Jeſus King of the Jews. And did not mine heart break and bleed to hear that thine was pierced! Ah my Lord! and ſhall I yet find an heart to wiſh thee here again! No, no, I am glad thou haſt eſcap'd their bloody hands, and now got quite without their reach. I am glad thou haſt got to perfect eaſe and reſt; and know'ſt no pains, nor griefs, nor ſorrows. Oh! take a full poſſeſſion of thy Fathers breaſt, and ſit thee down upon his Throne, Thou art a King for ever. And take delight in theſe thy ſoul did travel, die and bleed for on earth. I will repine at nothing that ſhall advance thy glory. But Oh! thou cruel bloody unbelieving world! you wicked murtherous bloody Jews! though I rejoice my Lord is ſafe arrived home, and quietly landed within his Haven; yet from you I cannot hold mine anger, that made his Sea a Sea of blood, and drain'd his heart, to make it deep, & filld his ſails with ſighs and groans, that caus'd his voyage to be ſo doleful. What good got you to ſtand and laugh to ſee him ſorrowful? to ſcoff and jeer to hear his lamentations? what curſed rage was that to make ſuch haſte to fetch him vinegar and gall to prolong his life, to lengthen out his dolors? How could you find ſuch barbarous hearts to triumph over a bleeding dying lamb, that was ſo innocent? How could you taunt at him when you heard him praying for you, Father forgive them! and ſo tenderly excuſing you, for they know not what they do! Methinks that kindly harmleſs carriage ſhould have pierced your hearts; thoſe melting words ſhould have diſſolv'd them; and inſtead of piercing him, I ſhould have thought you pierced. And ah! but that I know an unbelieving heart my ſelf, and underſtand what hardneſs means, I ſhould ſtand and wonder! Oh! it's too hard an Adament for downy words, and doleful ſounds, and tender carriages to break and ſhatter! How often have I outſtood all thoſe my ſelf! And when I ſerved my fleſh, how little did I mind them! And when they have been preſented to me in the Goſpel, or in a Sermon told that all theſe tortures he endur'd for me, and I in part believed it too, yet, was I not as a man bereft of my ſenſes, and I was no more mov'd in mine heart, as if I had not heard or underſtood, and were quite bereav'd of ſenſe and reaſon. But had I thus continued in my ſenſeleſs unbelieving ſtate, and as I liv'd ſo died; yet how deſervedly ſhould I have born the wrath of God, and have been ſent to Hell as a recompence of mine unbelief? And yet, you careleſs ſecure Jews, can you think to eſcape when God comes to make inquiſition for blood? How will you do if this ſin ſhall find you out? If God requires blood for blood, what will become of yours? If he had been no more than a common man, the Law would then have required your lives for payment. But how if in the end he prove a Prophet? nay more than that, the Son of the moſt high God, the Prince and Saviour whom God had promiſed to raiſe, the Meſſiah whom Moſes and the Prophets bare witneſs to, and him that you ſo long'd and wiſht to ſee! How will you look! what will you ſay! what anſwer will you make when all theſe truths are cleared? where will you hide your ſelves for ſhame? and what will you do when confuſion ſhall thus take hold upon you? What! will you then confeſs the fact, or will you deny it? with what face can you do the firſt? And if you do the latter, the curſe you and your Fathers drew upon your ſelves, Let his blood be upon us and our children! ſtand ſtill on record againſt you, and will cry you guilty. Will you excuſe it with your unbelieving ignorance? But how will you be able to rub your brows into ſo much confidence? How dare you ſay you were ignorant of him, when you ſay you know both Moſes and the Prophets, and they bear witneſs of him? You askt a ſign, and did he not give you both ſigns and wonders? How often did he cure your Lame? How wonderfully did he heal your Lepers, and thoſe ſick of the Palſie, yea of all manner of diſeaſes? How did he open the eyes of the blind! & give light to them that was born blind! yea, reſtore the withered hand, & make the crooked ſtraight, and open the ears of the deaf, and caſt out Devils, and raiſe the dead! Therefore let all the houſe of Iſrael know aſſuredly, that God hath made that ſame Jeſus whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Chriſt.
A Prayer before the Receiving the Holy Communion.
MOST Holy God, I am as ſtubble before thee, the conſuming Fire. How ſhall I ſtand before thy Holineſs, for I am a ſinful Creature, laden with Iniquity, that have gone backward, and provoked the Holy One of Iſrael; when I was loſt, thy Son did ſeek and ſave me; when I was dead in ſin, thou madeſt me alive. Thou ſaweſt me polluted in my blood, and ſaidſt unto me live. In that time of love thou coveredſt my nakedneſs, and enteredſt into a Covenant with me, and I became thine own. Thou didſt deliver me from the power of Darkneſs, and tranſlate me into the Kingdom of thy dear Son; and gaveſt me remiſſion of ſin, through his blood. But I am a grievous Revolter, I have forgotten the Covenant of the Lord my God, I was engaged to love thee with all my heart, and to hate iniquity, and ſerve thee diligently, and thankfully to ſet forth thy praiſe. But I have departed from thee, and corrupted my ſelf by ſelf-love, and by loving the world, and the things that are in the world, and have fulfilled the deſires of the fleſh, which I ſhould have crucified. I have neglected my duty to thee, and to my neighbour, and the neceſſary care of my own Salvation. I have been an unprofitable Servant, and have hid thy Talents, and have diſhonoured thee, whom in all things I ſhould have pleaſed and glorified. I have been negligent in hearing and reading thy holy Word, and in meditating and conferring of it, in publick and private Prayer and Thanksgiving, and in my preparation to this holy Sacrament, in the examining of my ſelf, and repenting of my ſins, and ſtirring up my heart to a believing and thankful receiving of thy grace, and to love and joyfulneſs, in my Communion with thee, and with one another of thy People. I have not duly diſcerned the Lord's Body, but have prophaned thy holy Name and Ordinance, as if the Table of the Lord had been contemptible. And when thou hast ſpoken peace to me, I returned again to folly; I have deſerved, O Lord, to be caſt out of thy preſence, and to be forſaken, as I have forſaken thee, and to hear to my confuſion, Depart from me, I know thee not, thou worker of iniquity. Thou mayeſt juſtly tell me, thou haſt no pleaſure in me, nor wilt receive an Offering at my hand. But with thee there is abundant mercy. And my Advocate Jeſus Chriſt the Righteous, is the Propitiation for my ſins; who bare them in his Body on the Croſs, and made himſelf an Offering for them, that he might put them away by the Sacrifice of himſelf; have mercy upon me, and waſh me in his blood; cloath me with his Righteouſneſs; take away my iniquities, and let them not be my ruine; forgive them, and remember them no more: O thou that delightest not in the death of ſinners, heal my back-ſlidings, love me freely, and ſay unto my ſoul, that thou art my ſalvation. Thou wilt in no wiſe caſt out them that come unto thee, receive me graciouſly to the Feast thou haſt prepared for me; cauſe me to hunger and thirſt after Chriſt, and his Righteouſneſs, that I may be ſatisfied: Let his fleſh and blood be to me meat and drink indeed, and his Spirit be in me a well of living water, ſpringing up to everlaſting life. Give me to know thy Love in Chriſt, which paſſeth knowledge. Though I have not ſeen him, let me love him. And though now I ſee him not, yet believing let me rejoyce with joy unſpeakable, and full of glory; though I am unworthy of the crumbs that fall from thy Table, yet feed me with the Bread of Life, and ſpeak and ſeal up Peace to my ſinful wounded ſoul. Soften my heart that is hardened by the deceitfulneſs of ſin; mortifie the fleſh, and ſtrengthen me with might in the inward man; that I may live and glorifie thy Grace, through Jeſus Chriſt our only Saviour. In whoſe words I conclude, ſaying, Our Father, &c.
A Prayer after the Receiving of the Holy Communion.
MOST Glorious God, how wonderful is thy Power and Wiſdom, thy Holineſs and Juſtice, thy Love and Mercy in this work of our Redemption, by the Incarnation, Life, Death, Reſurrection, Interceſſion, and Dominion of thy Son! No power or wiſdom in Heaven or Earth, could have delivered me but thine. The Angels deſire to pry into this Myſtery, the Heavenly Host do celebrate it with praiſes, ſaying, Glory be to God in the Higheſt; on Earth peace; good will towards men. The whole Creation ſhall proclaim thy praiſes, bleſſing, honour, glory and power be unto him that ſitteth upon the Throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever. Worthy is the Lamb that was ſlain to receive power, and honour, and glory; for he haeth redeemed us to God by his blood, and made us Kings and Priests unto our God. Where ſin abounded, grace hath abounded much more. And haſt thou indeed forgiven me ſo great a debt, by ſo precious a Ranſom? Wilt thou indeed give me to reign with Chriſt in Glory, and ſee thy face, and love thee, and be beloved of thee for ever? Yea Lord, thou haſt forgiven me, and thou wilt glorifie me, for thou art faithful that haſt promiſed. With the blood of thy Son, with the Sacrament, and with thy Spirit, thou haſt ſealed up to me theſe precious promiſes. And ſhall I not love thee, that haſt thus loved me? Shall I not love thy Servants, and forgive my Neighbours their little debt? After all this ſhall I again forſake thee, and deal falſly in thy Covenant? God forbid, O! ſet my affections on the things above, where Chriſt ſitteth at thy right hand. Let me no more mind earthly things, but let my Converſation be in Heaven, from whence I expect my Saviour to come and change me into the likeneſs of his glory. Teach me to do thy will, O God! and to follow him, who is the Author of Eternal Salvation, to all them that do obey him. Order my ſtops by thy Word, and let not any iniquity have dominion over me. Let me not hence-forth live unto my ſelf, but unto him who died for me and roſe again. Let me have no fellowſhip with the unfruitful works of darkneſs, but reprove them. And let my light ſo ſhine before men, that they may glorifie thee. In ſimplicity and godly ſincerity, and not in fleſhly wiſdom, let me have my Converſation in the world. O that my ways were ſo directed, that I might keep thy Statutes! Though Satan will be deſirous again to ſiſt me, and ſeek as a roaring Lion to devour, ſtrengthen me to ſtand againſt his Wiles, and ſhortly bruiſe him under my feet. Accept me, O Lord, who reſign my ſelf unto thee, as thine own; and with my thanks and praiſe, preſent my ſelf a living Sacrifice to be acceptable through Christ. Uſeful for thine honour. Being made free from ſin, and become thy Servant, let me have my fruit unto holineſs, and the End Everlaſting Life. Through Jeſus Chriſt our Lord and Saviour. In whoſe words I farther pray, Our Father, &c.
A Divine Soliloquy.
O My Soul! thou haſt been feasted with the Son of God, at his Table, upon his Fleſh and Blood, in preparation for the Feaſt of Endleſs Glory; thou haſt ſeen there repreſented, what ſin deſerveth, what Chriſt ſuffered, what wonderful Love, the God of infinite goodneſs hath expreſt to thee. Thou haſt had Communion with the Saints; thou haſt renewed thy Covenant of Faith, and thankful Obedience, unto Chriſt. Thou haſt received his renewed Covenant of Pardon, Grace and Glory to thee; O carry hence the lively ſenſe of theſe great and excellent things upon thy heart. Remember, O my Soul! thou cameſt not (to that holy Table) only to injoy the mercy of an hour, but that which may ſpring up to endleſs Joy. Thou camest not only to do the duty of an hour, but to promiſe that which thou muſt perform while thou liveſt on Earth. Remember daily, eſpecially when Temptations to unbelief, and ſinful heavineſs aſſault thee, duplicate page duplicate page duplicate page duplicate page what pledges of Love thou haſt received. Remember daily, eſpecially when Fleſh, and Devil, and World, would draw thy heart again from God; and temptations to ſin are laid before thee, what Bonds God and thy own Conſent have laid upon thee. Remember, O my Soul! if thou art a Penitent Believer, thou art now forgiven, and waſhed in the Blood of Chriſt. O! go your way, and ſin no more; no more thro' wilfulneſs, and ſtrive against your ſins of weakneſs. Wallow no more in the Mire, and return not to thy Vomit. Let the exceeding Love of Chriſt conſtrain thee, having ſuch Promiſes, as 2 Cor. 6. 17, 18. O cleanſe thy ſelf from all filthineſs of fleſh and ſpirit, perfecting holineſs in the fear of God.
Amen.