The Mischiefs of Self-Ignorance, Part 7 – Part 8
Having ſhewed you ſo much Reaſon for this duty, let me now take leave to invite you all, to the ſerious ſtudy of your ſelves. It is a duty paſt all controverſie agreed on by heathens as well as Chriſtians, and urged by them in the generall, though many of the particulars to be knowne are beyond their light: It brutifyeth man to be ignorant of himſelf. Man that is in honour and underſtandeth not (himſelf eſpecially) is as the beaſts that periſh. Pſal. 49.20. ſaith Boetius, [Humana natura infra beſtias redigitur, ſi ſe noſſe deſierit: Nam caeteris animantibus ſeſe ignorare natura eſt; hominibus vitio venit] Its worſe then beaſtly to be ignorant of our ſelves, it being a vice in us, which is nature in them.
Come home you wandering ſelf-neglecting ſouls; Loſe not your ſelves in a wilderneſs or tumult of impertinent, vaine, diſtracting things; your work is neerer you; The country that you ſhould firſt ſurvey and travaile, is within you; from which you muſt paſs to that above you: when by loſing your ſelves in this without you, you will find your ſelves before you are aware, in that below you. And then (as Gregory ſpeakes) he that was ſtultus in culpa, a foole in ſining, will be ſapiens in poena, wiſe in ſuffering! you ſhall then have time enough to review your lives, and ſuch conſtraining help to know your ſelves, as you cannot reſiſt. O that you would know but a little of that now, that then you muſt elſs know in that overwhelming evidence which will everlaſtingly confound you! And that you would now thinke of that for a timely cure, which els muſt be thought of endleſly in deſpair. Come home then, and ſee what work is there. Let the eyes of fooles be in the corners of the earth! Leave it to men beſides themſelves, to live as without themſelves, and to be ſtill from home, and waſte that time in other buſineſs, that was given them to prepare for life eternall. [Laudabilior eſt animus, cui nota eſt infirmitas propria, quam qui ea non perſpecta, mania mūdi, vias ſyderum, fundamenta terrarum, & faſtigia caelorum ſcrutatur] inquit Auguſt. [The ſoule is more laudable that knowes its own infirmity, then he that without diſcerning this doth ſearch after the compaſs of the world, the courſes of the ſtarres, the foundations of the earth, and the heights of the heavens.] Doſt thou delight in the myſteryes of nature? conſider well the myſteryes of thy own. Mirantur aliqui altiudines montium, ingentes fluctus mari…, altiſſimos lapſus fluminum, & Oceani … bitum, & gyros ſyderum, & relinquunt ſeipſos, nec mirantur]. ſaith Auguſtine [ſome men admeire the heights of mountaines, the huge waves of the ſea, the great falls of the rivers, the compaſs of the Ocean and the circuit of the ſtars, and they paſſe by them themſeves without admiration] The compendium of all that thou ſtudyeſt without thee, is neer thee, even within thee, thy ſelf being the epitome of the world. If either neceſſiry or duty, nature or grace, reaſon or faith, internall inducements, external repulſes, or eternall attractives and motives, might determine of the ſubject of your ſtudies and contemplations, you would call home your loſt diſtracted thoughts, and employ them more on yourſelves and God.
But before I urge this duty further, I muſt prevent the miſapplication of ſome troubled ſoules; I muſt confeſs it is a grievous thing for a guilty ſoul to judge it ſelf, and ſee its own deformity and danger: And I obſerve many troubled humbled ſoules, eſpecially where melancholy much prevailes, are exceeding prone to abuſe this duty, by exceſs and by miſdoing it: Though wandering minds muſt be called home, we muſt not run into the other extreame, and ſhut up our ſelves, and wholly dwell on the motions of our owne diſtempered hearts: Though ſtragling thoughts muſt be turned inward, and our hearts muſt be watched, and not neglected; yet muſt we not be alwayes poreing on our ſelves, and neglect the reſt of our intellectual converſe: To look too long on the running of a ſtream will make our eyes miſjudge of what we after look on, as if all things had the ſame kind of motion: To look too long on the turning of a wheele, will make us vertiginous, as if all turnd round. And to pore too long on the diſordered motions, the confuſed thoughts, the wants, the paſſions of our diſeaſed minds, will but moleſt us, and caſt us into greater diſquiet and confuſion. The words of Anſelme notably expreſs the ſtreights that Chriſtians are here put to [O nimis gravis anguſtia, ſi me inſpicio, non tolero meipſum: ſi non inſpicio, neſcio meipſum: ſi me conſidero, terret me facies mea: ſi me non conſidero, fallit me damnaetio mea; ſi me video, horror eſt intolerabilis: ſi non video, mors eſt i…e… tabilis.] [O grievous ſtreight! If I look … my ſelf, I cannot endure my ſelf: if I look not into my ſelf I cannot know my ſelf. If I conſider my ſelf, my own face affrighteth me: if I conſider not my ſelf, my damnation deceiveth me: If I ſee my ſelf, the horror is intolerable▪ if I ſee not my ſelf, death is unavoidable.]
In this ſtreight we muſt be carefull to avoid both extreames; and nether neglect the ſtudy of our ſelves, nor yet exceed in puting on our ſelves. To be careleſly ignorant of our ſelves, is to undoe our ſelves for ever: To be too much about our ſelves, is to diſquiet rather then to edyfie our ſelves; and to turne a great and neceſſary duty into a great unneceſſary trouble.
Conſider, 1. that we have many other matters of great importance to ſtudy and know when we know our ſelves. We muſt chiefly ſtudy God himſelf; and all the Books of Scripture, Nature and Governing providence which make him known. What abundance of great and excellent Truths, have we in all theſe to ſtudy. What time, what induſtrie is neceſſary to underſtand them? And ſhould we lay out all this time about our own hearts and actions, which is but one part of our ſtudy. What ſinful omiſ…ons ſhould we be guilty of in the ne…ecting of all theſe! It is indeed but the …rying of our talent of underſtanding, … confine it to ſo narrow a compaſs as our …lves, and to omit the ſtudy of God, and …is word and workes, which are all with …elight and diligence to be ſtudyed.
We have alſo Chriſt and his Goſpell myſte…ies and benefits to ſtudy. We have the …hurches caſe, its dangers, ſufferings, and …eliverances to ſtudy: We have the ſtate of …ur neghbours and brethren to conſider of: The mercyes, and dangers, and ſufferings both of …heir ſoules and bodyes: we have our enemies to thinke of with due compaſſion: and our duty to all theſe.
2. And as it is negligence and omiſſion to be all at home, and paſs by ſo great a part of duty; ſo is it a double fruſtration of our labour, and will make even this ſtudy of ourſelves to be in vaine. 1. We cannot come by all our ſtudy to the true knowledge of our ſelves, unleſs we alſo ſtudy other things beſides our ſelves. For we are Related to God, as his creatures, as his Own, as his ſubjects and as his dependant children, as his Redeemed, and his ſanctifyed ones, (or ſuch as ſhould be ſuch) And if we know not God as Creatour, Redeemer and Sanctifyer; as our Owner, Ruler and …nefactor; and know not what his creation Redemption, ſanctification, his Title Gover…ment and Benefits meane, it is not poſſi… that we ſhould know our ſelves. Mutual …lations muſt be known together, or neither … be known.
2. And if we could know our ſelves, an… know no more, it were but to know Nothing, and loſe that knowledge. For this … but the enterance into wiſdome, and th… meanes and way to higher knowledge. Th… learning of our Alphabet or Primer is loſt▪ if we learn no further; you are therefore … ſtudy and know your ſelves that you may advance to the knowledge of Chriſt and his grace, and be acquainted wich the Remedie of all that you find amiſs at home: and that by Chriſt you may be brought unto the Father, and know God as your happineſs and reſt; you are not your own ultimate ends, and therefore muſt goe further in your ſtudyes then yourſelves.
3. We ſhall never attaine to Rectitude or ſolid comfort and content, unleſs our ſtudyes goe further then ourſelves. For we are not the Rule to our ſelves, but crooked lines! and cannot know what is right and wrong, if we ſtudy not the Rule as well as …ur ſelves. And alas, we are diſeaſed, miſerable ſinners. And to be alwayes looking on ſo ſad a ſpectacle, can bring no peace or comfort to the mind. To be ſtill looking on the ſore, and hearing only the cry of conſcience, will be but a foretaſte of Hell. When we would be humbled and have matter of lamentation, we muſt look homeward, where the troubling thorns and nettles of corruption grow. But if we would be comforted and lift up, we muſt look higher, to Chriſt and to his promiſes, and to everlaſting life: our garden beareth no flowers or fruits that are ſo cordial.
This much I have ſpoke by way of Caution, 1. That you may not think I am driving you into the extream of ſolitude, and confining or impriſoning you at home. 2. Becauſe ſome ſcarce know how to avoid a fault, without running into another on the other ſide the way: nor how to underſtand the right uſe of a doctrine, but are turning it into an abuſe, and building ſin upon the foundation of righteouſneſs.
Two ſorts of perſons have great need of this caution, that they dwell not too much on themſelves. One is poor Melancholy people that can think of almoſt nothing elſe: Their diſtemper diſpoſeth them to be alwayes poring on themſelves, and fir… their thoughts on their ſin and miſery and ſearching into all their own miſer… ages, and making them worſe then inde… they are: You cannot call off their though… from continual ſelf-condemning, and … on their own miſdoings and unhappineſs ▪ They have a God, a Chriſt, a heaven, a treaſure of precious promiſes to meditate on … and they cannot hold their thoughts to theſe, (unleſs as they aggravate their ſin and ſorrows,) but live as if they had nothing to think on but themſelves; and were made to be their own tormentors: day and night even when they ſhould labour, and when they ſhould ſleep, they are buſie in a fruitleſs vexation of themſelves▪ Theſe poor afflicted ſouls have need to be called from the exceſſive ſtudy of themſelves.
Another ſort is, thoſe Chriſtians that are wholly taken up in enquiring whether they have ſaving grace or not; while they neglect that exerciſe of their grace, in doing all the good they can to others, and following on the way of faithfull duty, which might do more to their aſſurance, then ſolitary tryals.
The former ſort by overdoing in this one …art of their work, diſable themſelves to …ll the reſt. They tire and diſtract their …inds, and raiſe ſuch fears as hinder their …nderſtandings, and caſt their thoughts …nto ſuch confuſion, that they quite loſe …he command of them, and cannot gather …hem up for any holy work: Yea while …hey ſtudy nothing but themſelves, they …ſe even the knowledge of themſelves: …hey gaze ſo long upon their faults and …ants, till they can ſee nothing elſe; and …now no apprehenoſins but dark and ſad; …nd wilfully unlearn the language of thankſ…iving and praiſe; and the burden of all …heir thoughts and ſpeeches, is, Miſerable …nd Ʋndone: as if there were for them …o mercy, no help, no hope, but they were ut…rly forſaken and caſt off by God.
The other ſort, do ſo exceed in the meaſure of that ſelf-love, which in it ſelf is …ood, that they neglect the ſtudy of the Love of God; And are ſtill thinking what …hey are and have been; when they ſhould …onſider what they muſt be. They ſpend …o much time in trying their foundation, that …hey can make but little progreſs in the …uilding. They are lik Muſicians that will …pend all the day in ſetting Inſtruments in …ne; Or like a Mower that ſpends moſt of his time in whetting. They are all … preparing their tools while they ſhould … working! And putting on their … and preparing their weapons, when th… ſhould be fighting: And enquiring which … the way, while they ſhould be travelli… ▪ They leave undone too much of their … without doors while they confine themſel… to that within: And that within goes on … worſe, becauſe they neglect that with… doors, which ſhould further it. When th… ſhould inſtruct the ignorant, exhort … obſtinate, confirm the weak, or co…fort the afflicted, they are complaining … their own ignorance, obſtinacy, weakne… or affliction; and help not others bec… they feel ſuch need of help themſelves▪ As if they were like beggars, that had no…thing to give, but muſt live by asking and receiving: They underſtand not that its … of the myſteries of godlineſs, that teaching others doth inform themſelves, and the Light which they bring in for others, will ſerve themſelves to work by; and that reproving others doth correct themſelves: and exhorting others doth prevail with themſelves ▪ and perſwading the obſtinate wills of others▪ doth tend to bend and reſolve their … & that comforting others doth tend to … and raiſe themſelves: Their own ſpirits may be a little revived, by the very ſmell of the Cordials they prepare for others. In this caſe, Giving is both Begging and Receiving. Doing good is not the leaſt effectual kind of prayer: And that we may be ſo imployed, is not the ſmalleſt mercy. Many a one hath thus grown rich by giving: Many a one hath convinced himſelf by confuting his own objections from another: And many a one hath raiſed and comforted himſelf, by offering comfort to others that have the ſame infirmities; and have baniſhed their own …ceſſive doubts and fears, by frequent compaſſionate anſwering the ſame in others whoſe ſincerity they have leſs ſuſpected then their own.
None thrive more then they that grow in the Sun ſhine of Gods bleſſing: And God bleſſeth thoſe moſt that are moſt faithfull in his work: And the work of Love ▪ is the work of God. To do good, is to be moſt like him: And they that are moſt like him, do beſt pleaſe him. In ſubordination to Chriſt, in whom we are accepted, we muſt by his ſpirit be made thus acceptable in our ſelves: We muſt be amiable if we will be loved. And thoſe that God loveth beſt, and is moſt pleaſ… with, are like to receive moſt p…en…ouſly from his Love. It is neceſſary therefore to our own ſafety, and holineſs, and conſolation, that we look much abroad at the neceſſities of others, and ſtudy our brethren, and the Church of God, as well as our ſelves: That we look not every man on his own things, but every man alſo on the things of others, Phil. 2.4.
There may be ſomewhat of inordinate ſelfiſhneſs, even about our ſouls: And ſinfull ſelfiſhneſs is alwayes a loſing courſe. As he that will be a ſelf-ſaver in point of eſtate, or honour, or life, taketh the ready way to loſe them (Mat. 16.15.) ſo he that for the ſaving of his ſoul, will confine all his care and charity to his own ſoul, taketh not the way indeed to ſave it. We keep not our ſelves; We quicken not; We comfort not; We ſave not our ſelves; but only as agents under Chriſt, manuring the land, and ſowing the ſeed, to which he alone can give the bleſſing: It is not therefore our inordinate ſelf-ſtudying that will do it: With all our care, without his bleſſing, we cannot add one cubit to the ſtature of our graces: Therefore it muſt needs be our ſafeſt courſe, to be as carefull and faithfull as we can in duty, and lay out moſt of our ſtudy to pleaſe him; and then if we come not to aſſurance of his love, or diſcern not his image and grace upon us, ye… we muſt truſt him with our ſouls, and leave the reſt to his Care and Goodneſs, that hath undertaken that none ſhall be loſers by him, nor be aſhamed or fruſtrate of their hopes, that wait upon him, and obey him: Let us commit the keeping of our ſouls to him in well doing, as unto a faithfull Creator, 1 Pet. 4.19. As the eyes of ſervants look to the hand of their Maſters—ſo our eyes (in a way of duty) muſt wait upon the Lord our God, till he have mercy upon us, Pſal. 123.1, 2. And though we grow weary of crying, and our throat be dryed, and our eyes fail while we wait for God, (Pſal. 69.3.) yet our hope is only in him, and therefore we muſt continue to wait upon him, Pſal. 39.7. And they that wait for him ſhall not be aſhamed, Iſa. 49.23.
It is not the pretended neceſſity of one work, that will excuſe him that hath many as neceſſary to do: Eſpecially when they are conjunct in nature and neceſſity, and muſt go together, to attain their end. Concerning God, as we may well ſay that we muſt Love and ſerve him only, and none but him, becauſe we muſt Love nothing but for his ſake, and as a means to him the End of all: and ſo while it is God in all things that we Love, we are more properly ſaid to Love God then the Creature by that act, becauſe he is the Ultimate firſt intnded end, and principal object of that Love; And as the means, as a means, hath its eſſence in its relation to the End; ſo the Love of the means, as ſuch, is accordingly ſpecified: And ſo we may ſay of our ſtudy and Knowledge of God, that nothing but God is to be ſtudied or known: becauſe it is God in the creature that muſt be ſtudied: It is a defective Similitude (as all are) to ſay, [As it is the face that we behold the glaſs for:] For God is more in the creature then the face in the glaſs. But though all the means be united in the End, yet are they various among themſelves. And therefore though we muſt ſtudy, know and Love nothing but God; yet muſt we ſtudy, know and Love many things beſides our ſelves: The means that are many, muſt all be thought on. More ſtrings muſt be touched then one (how near ſoever) if we will have any Muſick. More Letters muſt be learned than [I,] or we ſhall never learn to read.
All men will confeſs that to confine our charity to our ſelves, and to do good to no others, is unlike a Chriſtian: To deny to feed and clothe our Brother in his need, is to deny it unto Chriſt: And it will be no excuſe, if we were able, to ſay, I laid it out upon my ſelf. And the objects of our charity muſt be the objects of our thoughts and care: And it will not ſuffice for our excuſe, to ſay, [I was taken up at home; I had a miſerable ſoul of my own to think on.]
And yet if theſe ſelf-ſtudying ſouls, that confine almoſt all their thoughts unto themſelves, would but ſeek after God in themſelves, and ſee his grace, and benefits, it were the better: But poor ſouls, in the darkneſs of temptation, they overlook their God; and moſt of their ſtudy of themſelves, is to ſee Satan and his workings in themſelves: To find as much of his image as they can, in the deformities or infirmities of their ſouls; but the image of God they overlook, and hardly will acknowledge. And ſo, as noble objects raiſe the ſoul, and amiable objects kindle love, and comfortable objects fill it with delight; and God, who is all in One perfection, doth elevate and perfect it, and make it happy; ſo inferiour objects do depreſs it; and ugly loathſome objects fill it with diſtaſte and loathing; and ſad and mournfull objects turn it into grief; And therefore to be ſtill looking on our miſeries, and deformities, muſt needs turn calamity and wo into the temperament and complexion of the ſoul.
This much I thought needfull to be ſpoken here to prevent miſunderſtanding and miſapplication: that while I am preſſing you to ſtudy and know your ſelves, I may not encourage any in extreams, nor tempt them to make an ill uſe of ſo great and neceſſary a doctrine: And indeed the obſervation of the ſad calamity of many poor drooping afflicted ſouls, that are ſtill poreing exceſſively on their own hearts, commanded me not to overpaſs this caution. And yet when I have done it, I am afraid leſt thoſe in the contrary extream, will take encouragement to neglect themſelves, by my reprehenſions of thoſe that are ſo unlike them.
And therefore I muſt add, to ſave them from deceit; 1. That it is but a very few that are faulty in overſtudying themſelves, in compariſon of the many thouſands that err on the other hand in the careleſs neglecting of themſelves. 2. And that it is ſymptomatically and effectively far more dangerous, to ſtudy your ſelves too little, then too much. Though it be a fault here to exceed, yet it is for the moſt part a ſign of an honeſt heart to be much at home, and a ſign of an Hypocrite to be little at home and much abroad. Sincerity maketh men cenſurers of themſelves. For it maketh them more impartial, and willing to know the truth of their condition: It cureth them of that folly that before made them think that preſumption ſhall deliver them, and that they ſhall be Juſtified by believing promiſes of their own, though contrary to the word of God; yea by believing the promiſes of the Devil, and calling this a Faith in Chriſt: They are awakened from that ſleep in which they dreamed that winking would ſave them from the ſtroke of Juſtice, and that a ſtrong conceit that they ſhall not be damned, will deliver them from damnation; and that they are ſafe from Hell if they can but believe that there is no Hell, or can but forget it, or eſcape the fears of it. Theſe are the pernicious Concluſions of the ungodly, diſcernable in their lives, and intimated in their preſumptuous reaſonings, though too groſs to be openly and expreſly owned: And therefore they are undiſpoſed to any impartial acquaintance with themſelves.
But grace recovereth men from this diſtraction; and makes them know that the Judgement of God will not follow the conceits of men; and that the knowledge of their diſeaſe is neceſſary to their cure; and the knowledge of their danger is neceſſary to the prevention; and that its the greateſt madneſs to go on to Hell, for fear of knowing that we are in the way; and to refuſe to know it, for fear of being troubled at the news.
And an upright ſoul is ſo far fallen out with ſin, that he taketh it ſeriouſly for his enemy; and therefore is willing to diſcover it in order to its deſtruction; and willing to ſearch after it in order to a diſcovery.
And he hath in him ſome meaſure of the heavenly illumination, which maketh him a child of light, and diſpoſeth him to love the light, and therefore cometh to it that his deeds may be made manifeſt, Joh. 3.21. Hypocrites are quick-ſighted in diſcovering infirmities of others; but at home they ſhut the windows, and draw the curtains, that they may not be diſturbed or frightened in their ſin; Thieves and ſleepers chooſe not light: Darkneſs ſuits the works of darkneſs. It is a good ſign when a man dare ſee his own face in the glaſs of Gods word; and when he dare hear his conſcience ſpeak. I have ever obſerved it in the moſt ſincere-hearted Chriſtians, that their eye is more upon their own hearts and lives, than …pon others: and I have ſtill obſerved …he moſt unſound profeſſors to be leaſt cen…orious and regardfull of themſelves, and …ardly drawn to converſe at home, and to …aſs an impartial judgement on themſelves.