Dying Thoughts Upon Philippians 1:23, Introduction (3 of 3)

Dying Thoughts Upon Philippians 1:23 · Introduction (3 of 3)

p. 77§ 3. This is the Fruit of Sin, and Nature would not have it ſo: I mean the Nature of this compound MAN: But what though it be ſo? 1. It is but my Shell or Tabernacle, & the cloathing of my Soul, and not it ſelf. 2. It is but an elementary Compoſition diſſolved; and Earth going to Earth, and Water to Water, and Air to Air, and Fire to Fire, into that Union which the elementary Nature doth incline to.

3. It is but an Inſtrument laid by when all its work is done, and a Servant diſmiſſed when his Service is at an end. And what ſhould I do with a Horſe when I ſhall need to ride or travel no more, or with a Pen when I muſt write no more? It is but the laying by the Paſſive receiver of my Souls Operations, when the Soul hath no more to do upon it: As I caſt by my Lute or other inſtrument when I have better employment than Muſick to take up my time!

4. Or at moſt it is but as Flowers die in the fall, and Plants in Winter, when the retiring Spirits have done their work, and are undiſpoſed to dwell in ſo cold and p. 78unmeet a Habitation, as the Seaſon maketh their former matter then to be. And its retirement is not its annihilation, but its taking up a fitter place.

5. It is but a ſeparation from a troubleſome Companion, and putting off a Shoe that pinched me; many a ſad and painful Hour I have had in this frail and faltring fleſh. Many a weary Night and Day: What cares, what fears, what griefs, what groans hath this Body coſt me? Alas, how many Hours of my precious time, have been ſpent to maintain it, pleaſe it, or repair it? How conſiderable a part of all my life hath been ſpent in neceſſary ſleep and reſt! And how much in eating, drinking, dreſſing, phyſick? And how much in labouring or uſing means to procure theſe and other neceſſaries? Many a hundred times I have thought, that it coſteth me ſo dear to live, yea to live a painful weary life, that were it not for the work and higher ends of life, I had little Reaſon to be much in love with it, or to be loath to leave it. And had not God put into our Nature itſelf a neceſſary, unavoidable, ſenſitive Love of the Body, and of Life, (as he puts into the Mother, and into every Bruit, a love of their young Ones, how unclean, and impotent, and troubleſome ſoever) for the propagation and continuance of Man on Earth? Had God but left it to meer Reaſon, without this neceſſary pre-engagement of our Natures, it would have been a matter of more doubt and difficulty than it is, whether this life ſhould be loved and deſired, and no ſmall number would daily wiſh that they had never been Born! A wiſh which I have had much a do to forbear, even when I have known that it is ſinful, and when the work and pleaſure of my life have been ſuch to overcome the evils of it, as few have had.

6. Yea, to depart from ſuch a Body is but to be removed p. 79from a very foul, uncleanly and ſordid Habitation. I know that the Body of Man and Bruits is the curious wonderful work of God, and not to be deſpiſed, nor injuriouſly diſhonoured, but admired and well uſed: But yet it is a wonder to our Reaſon that ſo noble a Spirit ſhould be ſo meanly houſed: And we may call it, Our vile Body, as the Apoſtle doth, Phil. 3. 21. It is made up of the Airy, Watery, and Earthly parts of our daily food, ſubacted and actuated by the fiery part, as the inſtrument of the Soul. The greater part of the ſame food (which with great coſt, and pomp, and pleaſure, is firſt upon our Tables, and then in our Mouths to day) is to morrow a fetid loathſom excrement, and caſt out into the draught, that the ſight and ſmell of that annoy us not, which yeſterday was the ſumptuous fruit of our abundance, & the glory of that which is called great houſekeeping, and the pleaſure of our Eyes and Taſte. And is not the reſt that turneth into Blood and Fleſh, of the ſame general kind with that which is turned into loathſom filth? The difference is, that it is fitter for the Soul by the fiery Spirits, yet longer to operate on and keep from corruption: Our blood, and fleſh, are as ſtinking and loathſom a ſubſtance as our filthieſt excrements, ſave that they are longer kept from putrefaction. Why then ſhould it more grieve me that one part of my food which turned into fleſh, ſhould rot and stink in the Grave, than that all the reſt ſhould daily ſtink in the draught? Yea while it is within me, were it not covered from my ſight, what a loathſom maſs would my Inteſtines appear? If I ſaw what is in the Guts, the Meſentery, the Ventricles of the Brain, what filth, what bilious or mucous matter, and perhaps crawling Worms there are in the moſt proud or comely Perſon, I ſhould think that the cover of a cleaner Skin, and the borrowed Ornaments of Apparel, make no great difference p. 80between ſuch a Body and a Carkaſs (which may be alſo covered with an adorned Coffin and Monument, to deceive ſuch Spectators that ſee but out-ſides:) the change is not ſo great of corruptible Fleſh, repleat with ſuch fetid Excrements into corrupted Fleſh, as ſome Fools imagine.

7. Yet more, to Depart from ſuch a Body, is but to be looſed from the Bondage of Corruption, and from a Clog and Priſon of the Soul. I ſay not that God put a preexiſtent Soul into this Priſon Penally, for former faults: I muſt ſay no more than I can prove, or than I know: But that Body which was an apt Servant to innocent Man's Soul, is become as a Priſon to him now: What alteration ſin made upon the Nature of the Body, as whether it be more terrene and groſs than elſe it would have been, I have no reaſon to aſſert: Of Earth, or Dust, it was at firſt, and to Dust it is ſentenced to return. But no doubt but it hath its part in that diſpoſitive depravation which is the fruit of ſin. we find that the Soul as ſenſitive, is ſo impriſoned or ſhut up in Fleſh, that ſometimes it is more than one Door that muſt be opened before the Object and the Faculty can meet: In the Eye indeed, the Soul ſeemeth to have a Window to look out at, and to be almost itſelf vi…ible to others: And yet there are many interpoſing tunicles, and a ſuffuſion, or winking, can make the cleareſt ſight▪ to be as uſeleſs for the time as if it were none: And if ſenſe be thus ſhut up from its Object, no wonder if Reaſon alſo be under difficulties from coporeal impediments; and if the Soul that is yoaked with ſuch a Body, can go no faster than its heavy pace.

8. Yet further, To Depart from ſuch a Body is but to be ſeparated from an accidental Enemy, and one of our greatest and most hurtful Enemies: Though ſtill we ſay, That it is not by any default in the work of p. 81our Creator, but by the effects of ſin, that it is ſuch: What could Satan or any other Enemy of our Souls, have done againſt us without our fleſh? What is it but the Intereſt of this Body, that ſtandeth in competition againſt the Intereſt of our Souls and God? What elſe do the prophane ſell their heavenly Inheritance for, as Eſau his Birthright? No Man loveth evil, as evil, but as ſome way a real or ſeeming good? And what good is it but that which ſeemeth good for the Body? What elſe is the Bait of Ambition, Covetouſneſs and Senſuality, but the Intereſt and Pleaſure of this Fleſh. What taketh up the Thoughts, and Care which we ſhould lay out upon things Spiritual and Heavenly, but this Body and its Life? What Pleaſures be they that ſteal away mens Hearts from the heavenly Pleaſures of Faith, Hope, and Love, but the Pleaſures of this Fleſh? This draweth us to ſin: This hindereth us from and in our duty. This Body hath its intereſt which muſt be minded, and its inordinate Appetite which muſt be pleaſed; or elſe what murmurings and diſquiet muſt we expect? Were it not for Bodily Interest, and its Temptations, how much more innocently and holily might I live? I ſhould have nothing to care for, but to pleaſe God and to be pleaſed in him, were it not for the care of this Bodily life? What Employment ſhould my Will and Love have, but to Delight in God and Love Him, and his Intereſt, were it not for the Love of the Body, and its concerns? By this the mind is darkened, and the Thoughts diverted; By this our wills are perverted and corrupted, and by Loving things Corporeal, contract a ſtrang…neſs and averſation from things Spiritual: By this Hea… and Time are alienated from God; our Guilt is increaſed, and our heavenly deſire and hopes deſtroyed; Life made unholy and uncomfortable, and Death made terrible, God and our Souls ſeparated, p. 82and Life eternal ſet by, and in danger of being utterly loſt. I know that it is the ſinful Soul, that is in all this the chief cauſe and agent: But what is it but Bodily Intereſt that is its temptation, bait and end? What but the Body and its Life, and Pleaſure is the chief Objective alluring cauſe of all this ſin and miſery? And ſhall I take ſuch a Body to be better than Heaven, or be loth to be looſed from ſo troubleſom a Yoak-fellow, on to be ſeparated from ſo burdenſom, and dangerous a Companion?

§ 3. Obj. But I know this Habitation, but the next I know not; I have long been acquainted with this Body, and this World, but the next I am unacquainted with.

Anſ. 1. If you know it, you know all that of it which I have mentioned before: you know it to be a burden and ſnare: I am ſure I know by long experience, that this Fleſh hath been a painful lodging to my Soul, and this World as a tumultuous Ocean, or like the uncertain and ſtormy Region of the Air. And well he deſerveth bondage, pain, and enmity, who will love them becauſe he is acquainted with them, and is loth to leave them becauſe he hath had them long, and is afraid of being well, becauſe he hath been long ſick.

2. And do you not know the next and better Habitation? Is Faith no knowledge? If you believe God's Promiſe you know that ſuch a ſtate there is: And you know in general that it is Better than this World: And you know that we ſhall be in Holineſs and Glorious happineſs with Chriſt: And is this no knowledge? 3. And what we know not, Christ, that prepareth and promiſeth it, doth know: And is that nothing to us, if really we Trust our Souls to him? He that knoweth not more Good by Heaven than by Earth, is yet ſo earthly and unbelieving, that it is no wonder if he be afraid and unwilling to depart.

p. 83§ 4. II. In Departing from this Body and Life, I muſt depart from all its ancient Pleaſures: I muſt taſte no more ſweetneſs in meat or drink, or reſt, or ſport, or any ſuch thing that now delighteth me; Houſe and Lands, and Goods and Wealth muſt all be left; and the place where I live muſt know me no more. All my poſſeſſions muſt be no more to me, nor all that I laboured for or took delight in than if they had never been at all.

And what though it muſt be ſo? Conſider O my Soul, 1. Thy ancient Pleaſures are all paſt already: Thou loſeſt none of them by Death, for they are all lost before, (if immortal Grace have not by ſanctifying them, made the benefits of them to become immortal.) All the ſweet draughts, and morſels, and ſports, and laughters, all the ſweet Thoughts of thy worldly Poſſeſſions, or thy Hopes, that ever thou hadſt till this preſent Hour, are paſt by, dead, and gone already. All that Death doth to ſuch as theſe is to prevent ſuch, that on Earth thou ſhalt have no more.

2. And is not that the Caſe of every Bruit, that hath no comfort from the proſpect of another Life, to repair his loſs: And yet as our dominion diminiſheth their pleaſure while they live, by our keeping them under fear and labour, ſo at our will their lives muſt end: To pleaſe a Gentleman's Appetite for half an hour or leſs, Birds, Beaſts, and Fiſhes muſt loſe life itſelf, and all the pleaſure which life might have afforded them for many Years; yea perhaps many of theſe (Birds and Fiſhes at leaſt) muſt die to become but one Feast to a rich Man, if not one ordinary Meal. And is not their ſenſual pleaſure of the ſame Nature as ours? Meat is as ſweet to them, and eaſe as welcome, and lust as ſtrong (in ſeaſon;) And the pleaſure that Death depriveth our Fleſh of, is ſuch as is common to Man with Bruits: p. 84Why then ſhould it ſeem hard to us to loſe that in the Courſe of Nature, which our Wills deprive them of at our Pleaſure? When if we are Believers we can ſay that we do but exchange theſe delights of Life, for the greater delights of a Life with Chriſt, which is a comfort which our fellow Creatures (the Bruits) have not!

3. And indeed the Pleaſures of Life are uſually embittered with ſo much pain, that to a great part of the World doth ſeem to exceed them: The Vanity and Vexation is ſo great and grievous, as the pleaſure ſeldom countervaileth. It's true that Nature deſireth Life even under Sufferings that are but tolerable, rather than to die: But that is not ſo much from the ſenſible Pleaſure of life, as from meer Natural Inclination; which God hath laid ſo deep that free will hath not full power againſt it. As before I ſaid, that the Body of Man is ſuch a thing, that could we ſee through the Skin (as men may look through a Glaſs Hive upon the Bees) and ſee all the parts and motion, the filth and excrements that are in it, the Soul would hardly be willing to actuate, love and cheriſh ſuch a maſs of unclean matter, and to dwell in ſuch a loathſom place, unleſs God had neceſſitated it by Nature (deeper than Reaſon or ſenſe) to ſuch a Love, and ſuch a labour by the Pondus or Spring of Inclination: Even as the Cow would not elſe lick the unclean Calf, nor Women themſelves be at ſo much labour and trouble with their Children, while there is little of them to be pleaſant, but uncleanneſs, and crying, and helpleſs impatiency to make them weariſom, had not neceſſitating Inclination done more hereto than any other ſenſe or reaſon: Even ſo I now ſay of the pleaſure of Living, that the ſorrows are ſo much greater to Multitudes than the ſenſible delight, that life would not be ſo commonly p. 85choſen and endured under ſo much trouble, were not men determined thereto by Natural neceſſitating Inclination; (or deterred from Death by the fears of miſery to the ſeparated Soul;) And yet all this kept not ſome counted the beſt and wiſeſt of the Heathens, from taking it for the Valour and Wiſdom of a Man to make away his life in time of extremity, and from making this the great anſwer to them that grudge at God, for making their lives ſo miſerable [If the miſery be greater than the good of life, Why doſt thou not end it? Thou maiſt do that when thou wilt.]

Our Meat and Drink is pleaſant to the healthful; but it coſteth poor men ſo much toil, and labour, and care, & trouble to procure a poor Diet for themſelves and their families, that I think, could they live without eating, and drinking, they would thankfully exchange the pleaſure of it all, to be eaſed of their care and toil in getting it: And when ſickneſs cometh, even the pleaſanteſt Food is loathſom.

4. And do we not willingly interrupt and lay by theſe Pleaſures, every Night when we betake our ſelves to ſleep? It's poſſible indeed a Man may then have pleaſant Dreams: But I think few go to ſleep for the pleaſure of Dreaming: Either no Dreams, or vain, or troubleſom Dreams are much more common. And to ſay that Reſt and Eaſe is my pleaſure, is but to ſay that my daily labour and cares are ſo much greater than my waking pleaſure, that I am glad to lay by both together: For what is Eaſe but deliverance from wearineſs and pain? For in deep and dreamleſs ſleep there is little poſitive ſenſe of the Pleaſure of Reſt itſelf. But indeed it is more from Natures neceſſitated inclination to this ſelf-eaſing and repairing means, than from the poſitive pleaſure of it, that we deſire ſleep. And if we p. 86can thus be contented every Night to die as it were to all our waking pleaſures, why ſhould we be unwilling to die to them at once.

5. If it be the inordinate pleaſures forbidden of God, which you are loath to leave, thoſe muſt be left before you die, or elſe it had been better for you never to have been born? Yea every wiſe and godly Man doth caſt them off with deteſtation: You muſt be againſt Holineſs on that account as well as againſt Death? And indeed the ſame Cauſe which maketh men unwilling to live a Holy life, hath a great hand in making them unwilling to die; even becauſe they are loth to leave the pleaſure of ſin: If the wicked be converted, he muſt be gluttonous and drunken no more, he muſt live in Pride, Vainglory, Worldlineſs and ſenſual pleaſures no more; and therefore he draweth back from a Holy life, as if it were from Death itſelf. And ſo he is the lother to die, becauſe he muſt have no more of the pleaſures of his Riches, Pomp, and Honours, his Sports, and Luſt, and pleaſed Appetite; no more for ever; but what's this to them that have mortified the Fleſh with the affections and luſts thereof?

6. Yea it is theſe forbidden pleaſures which are the great impediments both of our Holineſs and our trueſt pleaſures: And one of the Reaſons why God forbiddeth them, is becauſe they hinder us from better. And if for our own good we muſt forſake them when we turn to God, it muſt be ſuppoſed that they ſhould be no reaſon againſt our willingneſs to die, but rather that to be free from the danger of them, we ſhould be the more willing.

7. But the great ſatisfying Anſwer of this Objection is, that Death will paſs us to far greater pleaſures with which all theſe are not worthy to be compared. But of this more in due place.

p. 87§ 5. III. When I die, I muſt depart not only from ſenſual delights, but from the more manly Pleaſures of my Studies, knowledge and converſe with many wiſe and godly men, and from all my pleaſure in Reading, Hearing, publick and private Exerciſes of Religion, &c. I muſt leave my Library, and turn over thoſe pleaſant Books no more: I muſt no more come among the Living, nor ſee the faces of my faithful Friends, nor be ſeen of Man, Houſes and Cities and Fields: and Countreys, Gardens and Walks, will be nothing as to me. I ſhall no more hear of the Affairs of the World, of Man or Wars, or other News, nor ſee what becomes of that beloved Intereſt of Wiſdom, Piety, and Peace, which I deſire may proſper, &c.

Anſw. 1. Though theſe delights are far above thoſe of ſenſual S…ners, yet alas, how low and little are they? How ſmall is our knowledg in compariſon of our Ignorance? And how little doth the knowledge of Learned Doctors differ from the thoughts of a ſilly Child? For from our Childhood we take it in but by drops; and as trifles are the Matter of childiſh knowledge, ſo Words, and Notions, and artificial Forms do make up more of the Learning of the World, than is commonly underſtood; and many ſuch Learned men know little more of any Great and excellent Things themſelves, than Ruſticks that are contemned by them for their ignorance. God and the Life to come are little better known by them, if not much leſs, than by many of the unlearned. What is it but a Child-game that many Logicians, Rhetoricians, Grammarians, yea Metaphyſicians, and other Philoſophers in their eagereſt Studies and Diſputes are exerciſed in? Of how little uſe is it to know what is contained in many Hundred of the Volumes that fill our Libraries? Yea, or to know many of the moſt glorious Speculations in Phyſicks, Mathematicks, &c. Which have given ſome the Title of Virtuoſi p. 88& Ingenioſi in theſe times, who have little the more Wit or Virtue to Live to God, or overcome Temptations from the Fleſh and World, and to ſecure their everlaſting Hopes: What pleaſure or quiet doth it give to a dying Man, to know almoſt any of their Trifles.

2. Yea, it were well if much of our Reading and Learning did us no harm, and more than good: I fear leſt Books are to ſome but a more honourable kind of temptation than Cards and Dice: Leſt many a precious Hour be loſt in them, that ſhould be employed on much higher matters: And leſt many make ſuch knowledge but an unholy, natural, yea carnal Pleaſure, as Worldings do the Thoughts of their Lands and Honours; and leſt they be the more dangerous by how much the leſs ſuſpected: But the beſt is, it is a pleaſure ſo fe…ed from the ſloathful with Thorny labour of hard and long Studies, that lazineſs ſaveth more from it than Grace, and holy Wiſdom doth. But doubtleſs Fancy and the Natural Intellect may with as little Sanctity live in the pleaſure of Reading▪ Knowing, Diſputing, and Writing, as others ſpend their time at a Game at Cheſs, or other ingenious ſport.

For my own part, I know that the Knowledg of Natural things is valuable, and may be Sanctified; much more Theological Theory: And when it is ſo, it is of good uſe; and I have little knowledge which I find not ſome way uſeful to my higheſt ends. And if Wiſhing or Money would procure more, I would wiſh and empty my Purſe for it; but yet if many ſcore or hundred Books which I have read, had been all unread, and I had that time now to lay out upon higher thing, I ſhould think my ſelf much richer than now I am. And I muſt earneſtly pray, The Lord forgive me the Hours that I have ſpent in reading Things leſs profitable, for the pleaſing of a Mind that would fain p. 89know all, which I ſhould have ſpent for the increaſe of Holineſs in my ſelf and others: And yet I muſt thankfully acknowledge to God, that from my youth he taught me, to begin with things of greateſt weight, and to refer moſt of my other Studies thereto, and to ſpend my days under the Motives of Neceſſity and Profit to my ſelf, and thoſe with whom I had to do. And I now think better of the Courſe of Paul that determined to know nothing but a Crucified Chriſt among the Corinthians, that is, ſo to converſe with them as to Uſe, and Glorying as if he knew nothing elſe: And ſo of the the reſt of the Apoſtles and Primitive Ages: And though I ſtill love and honour the fulleſt Knowledge (and am not of Dr. Collets mind, who as Eraſmus ſaith moſt ſlighted Auguſtine) yet I leſs cenſure even that Carthage Council which forbad the reading of the Heathens Books of Learning and Arts, than formerly I have done. And I would have men ſavour moſt that Learning in their Health which they will or ſhould ſavour moſt in Sickneſs, and near to Death.

3. And alas how dear a Vanity is this Knowledge! That which is but Theorical and Notional is but a tickling delectation of the Phantaſie or Mind, little differing from a pleaſant dream: But how many Hours, what gazing of the wearied Eye, what ſtretching Thoughts of the impatient Brain▪ muſt it coſt us, if we will attain to any Excellency. Well ſaith Solomon, Much reading is a wearineſs to the Fleſh, and He that increaſeth Knowledge increaſeth ſorrow. How many hundred ſtudious Days and Weeks, and how many hard and tearing Thoughts, hath my little, very little knowledg coſt me? And how much infirmity and painfulneſs to my Fleſh, increaſe of painful Diſeaſes, and loſs of Bodily eaſe and health? How much pleaſure to my ſelf of other kinds, p. 90and how much acceptance with men, have I loſt by it, which I might eaſily have had in a more Converſant and plauſible way of life? And when all is done, if I reach to know any more than others, of my place and order, I muſt differ ſo much (uſually) from them: And if I manifeſt not that difference, but keep all that knowledge to my ſelf, I ſin againſt Conſcience and Nature it ſelf: The Love of Man, and the Love of Truth oblige me to be ſoberly Communicative: Were I ſo indifferent to Truth and Knowledg, as eaſily to forbear their propagation, I muſt alſo be ſo indifferent to them, as not to think them worth ſo dear a Price as they have coſt me (Though they are the free Gifts of God:) As Nature is univerſally inclined to the propagation of the kind by Generation; ſo is the Intellectual Nature to the Communication of Knowledge (which yet hath its Luſt, and inordinacy in proud ignorant haſty Teachers, and Diſputers, as the Generating faculty hath in Fornicators and Adulterers.)

But if I obey Nature and Conſcience in Communicating that Knowledge which containeth my difference aforeſaid, the Diſſenters too often take themſelves diſparaged by it, how peaceably ſoever I manage it: And as bad men take the Piety of the godly to be an accuſation of their impiety, ſo many Teachers take themſelves to be accuſed of Ignorance, by ſuch as condemn their Errours by the light of Truth? And if you meddle not with any Perſon, yet take they their Opinions to be ſo much their Intereſt, as that all that is ſaid againſt them, they take as ſaid againſt themſelves. And then alas what envyings, what whiſpering diſparagements, and what backbitings. if not malicious ſlanders and underminings do we meet with from the Carnal Clergy: And O that it were all from them alone, and that among p. 91the Zealous and Suffering Party of faithful Preachers, there were not much of ſuch iniquity, and that none of them preached Chriſt in ſtrife and envy: It is ſad that Errour ſhould find ſo much ſhelter under the ſelfiſhneſs, and pride of pious men; and that the Friends of Truth ſhould be tempted to reject and abuſe ſo much of it in their ignorance as they do: But the matter of fact is too evident to be hid.

But eſpecially, if we meet with a Clergy that are high, and have a great deal of Worldly intereſt at the ſtake: Or if they be in Councils and Synods, and have got the Major Vote, they too eaſily believe that either their Grandure, Reverence, Names, or Numbers muſt give them the reputation of being Orthodox and in the right, and will Warrant them to account and defame him as Erroneous, Heretical, Schiſmatical, Singular, Factious, or Proud, that preſumeth to contradict them, and to know more than they: Of which not onelyonly the caſe of Nazianzene, Martin, Chryſoſtome are ſad proofs, but alſo the proceedings of too many General and Provincial Councils. And ſo our hard ſtudies and darling Truth muſt make us as Owls or reproached Perſons among thoſe Reverend Brethren, who are ignorant at eaſier rates, and who find it a far ſofter kind of life to think and ſay as the moſt or beſt eſteemed do, than to purchaſe reproach and obloquy ſo dearly.

And the religious People of the ſeveral parts, will ſay as they hear their Teachers do, and be the Militant followers of their too Militant Leaders: And it will be their Houſe talk, their Shop talk, their Street talk, if not their Church talk, that ſuch a one is an Erroneous, dangerous Man, becauſe he is not as Ignorant and Erroneous as they, eſpecially if they be the followers of a Teacher much exaſperated by confutation, and engaged p. 92in the Controverſie; and alſo if it ſhould be ſuffering▪ Confeſſors that are contradicted, or men moſt highly eſteemed for extraordinary degrees of Piety: Then what cruel cenſures muſt he expect who never ſo tenderly would ſuppreſs their Errours.

O what ſad Inſtances of this are, 1. The Caſe of the Confeſſors in Cyprians Days, who as many of his Epiſtles ſhew, became the great diſturbers of that Church. 2. And the Egyptian Monks at Alexandria, in the Days of Theophilus, who turned Anthropomorphites, and raiſed abominable Tumults, with woful ſcandal and odious bloodſhed. 3. And O that this Age had not yet greater Inſtances to prove the matter, than any of theſe.

And now ſhould a Man be loth to die, for fears of leaving ſuch troubleſome coſtly Learning and Knowledge, as the wiſeſt men can here attain?

4. But the chief Anſwer is yet behind. No Knowledge is loſt, but perfected, and changed for much nobler, ſweeter, greater Knowledg: Let men be never ſo uncertain in particular de modo, Whether acquired Habits of Intellect and Memory die with us, as being dependant on the Body: Yet (by what Manner ſoever) that a far clearer Knowledge we ſhall have, than is here attainable, is not to be doubted of. And the ceſſation of our preſent Mode of knowing, is but the ceſſation of our ignorance and imperfection: As our wakening endeth a dreaming Knowledge, and our Maturity endeth the trifling Knowledge of a Child: For ſo ſaith the Holy Ghoſt, 1 Cor. 13. 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Love never faileth, (and we can Love no more than we know:) But whether there be Propheſies they ſhall fail: (that is, Ceaſe:) Whether there be Tongues they ſhall ceaſe: Whether there be Knowledge (Notional and Abſtractive ſuch as p. 93we have now) it ſhall vaniſh away: When I was a Child I ſpake as a Child, underſtood as a Child, I thought as a Child; but when I became a Man, I put away childiſh things: For now we ſee through a Glaſs (per ſpecies) darkly (as men underſtand a thing by a Metaphor, Parable or Riddle) but then Face to Face (even Creatures intuitively as in themſelves naked and open to our ſight:) Now I know in part (not Rem ſed aliquid Rei; in which ſenſe Sanchez truly ſaith, Nihil ſcitur:) But then ſhall I know, even as I am known: (Not a God knoweth us; for our knowledge and his muſt not be ſo comparatively likened: but as Holy Spirits know us both now and for ever: we ſhall both know and be known by immediate intuition)

If a Phyſician be to deſcribe the parts of Man, and the latent Diſeaſes of his Patient, he is fain to ſearch hard, and beſtow many Thoughts of it, beſides his long reading and converſe to make him capable of knowing: and when all is done, he goeth much upon Conjectures, and his knowledge is mixt with many uncertainties, yea and miſtakes; but when he openeth the Corps, he ſeeth all, and his knowledg is more full, more true, and more certain, beſides that it is eaſily, and quickly attained, even by a preſent look: A Countrey Man knoweth the Town, the Fields, and Rivers where he dwelleth (yea, and the Plants and Animals) with eaſe and certain clearneſs; when he that muſt know the ſame things by the ſtudy of Geographical Writings and Tables, muſt know them but with a General, an unſatisfactory, and oft a much miſtaking kind of knowledge: Alas, when our preſent knowledge hath coſt a Man the ſtudy of Forty, or Fifty, or Sixty Years, how lean and poor, how doubtful and unſatisfactory is it after all? But when God will ſhew p. 94us himſelf and all things, and when Heaven is known as the Sun by its own Light, this will be the clear, ſu… and ſatisfactory knowledge: Bleſſed are the Pure in Heart, for they ſhall ſee God, Mat. 5. And without Holineſs, none can ſee him, Heb. 12. 14.) This ſight will be worthy the Name of Wiſdom, when our preſent glympſe is but Philoſophy, a love and deſire of Wiſdom: So far ſhould we be from fearing Death through the fear of loſing our knowledge, or any of the means of knowledge, that it ſhould make us rather long for the World of Glorious Light, that we might get out of this darkneſs, and know all that with an eaſie look, to our joy and ſatisfaction, which here we know with troubleſome doubtings, or not at all. Shall we be afraid of darkneſs in the Heavenly Light, or of Ignorance when we ſee the Lord of Glory.

§ 6. And as for the loſs of Sermons, Books, and other means, ſurely it is no loſs to ceaſe the means when we have attained the end: Cannot we ſpare our Winter Clothes as troubleſom in the heat of Summer, and ſit by the hot Fire without our Glores. Cannot we ſit at home without a Horſe or Coach? Or ſet them by at our Journeys end? Cannot we lie in Bed without Boots and Spurs? Is it grievous to us to ceaſe our Phyſick when we are well: Even here, he is happier that hath leaſt of the Creature, and needeth leaſt, than he that hath much and needeth much: Becauſe all Creature commodities and helps have alſo their diſcommodities and troubleſomneſs: And the very applying and uſing ſo many remedies of our want; is tedious of itſelf. And as God only needeth nothing, but is ſelf-ſufficient, and therefore only perfectly and eſſentially happy, ſo thoſe are likeſt God that need leaſt from without, and have the greateſt plenitude of internal goodneſs. What p. 95need we to preach, hear, read, pray, to bring us to Heaven when we are there?

§ 7. And as for our Friends and our converſe with them, as Relations, or as wiſe, religious, and faithful to us, he that believeth not that there are far More and far Better in Heaven than are on Earth, doth not believe as he ought that there is a Heaven: Our Friends here are wiſe, but they are unwiſe alſo: They are Faithful, but partly unfaithful; they are holy, but alſo alas too ſinful: They have the Image of God, but blotted and diſhonoured by their faults: They do God and his Church much ſervice; but they alſo do too much againſt him, and too much for Satan, even when they intend the Honour of God: They promote the the Goſpel; but they alſo hinder it: Their weakneſs, ignorance, errour, ſelfiſhneſs, pride, paſſion, diviſion, contention, ſcandals and remiſneſs, do oft ſo much hurt, that it is hard to diſcern whether it be not greater than their good to the Church or to their Neigbours. Our Friends are our helpers and comforters; but how oft alſo are they our hinderers, troubles and grief? But in Heaven they are altogether wiſe, and holy, and faithful and concordant, and have nothing in them, nor there done by them, but what is amiable to God and Man.

And with our faithful Friends, we have here a mixture, partly of uſeleſs and burdenſom Perſons, and partly of unfaithful Hypocrites, and partly of ſelf-conceited factious Wranglers, and partly of malicious envious underminers▪ and partly of implacable Enemies: And how many of all theſe ſet together is there for one worthy faithful Friend? And how great a number i… there to trouble you? For one that will indeed comfort you? But in Heaven there are none but the Wiſe, p. 96and Holy: No Hypocrites, no burdenſom Neighbours, no treacherous, or oppreſſing or perſecuting Enemies are there? And is not all good and amiable better than a little good with ſo troubleſome a mixture of noiſome Evils?

Chriſt loved his Diſciples, his Kindred; yea, and all Mankind, and took pleaſure in doing good to all; and ſo did his Apoſtles: But how poor a requital had he or they from any but from God? Chriſt's own Brethren believed not in him, but wrangled with him; almoſt like thoſe that ſaid to him on the Croſs, If thou be the Son of God, come down and we will believe. Peter himſelf was once a Satan to him, Matth. 16. and after with Curſing and Swearing denied him: And all his Diſciples forſook him and fled: And what then from others could be expected?

No Friends have a perfect ſuitableneſs to each other: and roughneſs and inequalities that are neareſt us are moſt troubleſom. The wonderful variety and contrariety of apprehenſions, intereſt, educations, temperaments, and occaſions, and temptations, &c. are ſuch that whileſt we are ſcandalized at the diſcord & confuſions of the World, we muſt recal our ſelves and admire that all ruling Providence, which keepeth up ſo much order and concord as there is: We are indeed like People in crowded Streets, who going ſeveral ways moleſt each other with their joſtling oppoſitions: Or like Boys at Foot-ball ſtriving to overthrow each other for the Ball: But it is a wonder of Divine Power and Wiſdom that all the World is not continually in mortal War.

If I do men no harm, yet if I do but croſs their Wills, it goeth for a provoking injury: And when there are as many Wills as Perſons, who is it that can pleaſe them all: Who hath Money enough to pleaſe all the Poor p. 97that need it, or the Covetous that deſire it. Or who can live with diſpleaſed men, and not feel ſome of the fruits of their diſpleaſure? What day goeth over my Head in which abundance deſire not or expect not impoſſibilities from me? And how great is the number of them that expect unrighteous things? By nothing do I diſpleaſe ſo many as by not diſpleaſing God and my Conſcience. And for nothing am ſo deeply accuſed of ſin as for not ſinning: And the World will not think well of any thing that croſſeth their Opinion and Carnal intereſt, be it never ſo conform to God's Commands: I muſt confeſs that while I ſuffer from all ſides, few men have more common and open Praiſes from their Perſecutors than I: But while they praiſe me in the general, and for other particulars, they aggravate my Non-conformity to their Opinions and Wills, and take me to be ſo much the more hurtful to them. The greateſt Crimes that have been charged on me, have been for the things which I thought to be my greateſt duties; and for thoſe parts of my obedience to my Conſcience and God, which coſt me deareſt: And where I pleaſed my Fleſh leaſt, I pleaſed the World leaſt. At how cheap a rate to my Fleſh could I have got the Applauſe of factious men, if that had been my end and buſineſs? Would I have conformed to their Wills, and taken a Biſhoprick, and the Honour and Riches of the World, how good a Man had I been called by the Dioceſan party? And O what praiſe I ſhould have with the Papiſts, could I turn Papiſt! And all the backbitings and bitter Cenſures of the Antinomians, Anabaptiſts and Separatiſts, had been turned into praiſe, could I have ſaid as they, or not contradicted them. But otherwiſe there is no eſcaping their accuſations. And is this tumultuous, militant, p. 98yea, malignant World, a place that I ſhould be loth to leave?

Alas, our darkneſs, and weakneſs, and paſſions are ſuch, that it's hard for a Family or a few faithful Friends, to live ſo evenly in the exerciſe of Love, as not to have oft unpleaſant Jars! What then is to be expected from Strangers and from Enemies? Ten thouſand Perſons will judge of abundance of my Words and Actions, who never knew the Reaſons of them: Every ones conceptions are as the report and conveyance of the matter to them is: And while they have a various Light, and falſe Reports (and defectiveneſs will make them falſe) what can be expected but falſe injurious Cenſures?

§ 8. And though no outward thing on Earth is more precious than the Holy Word, and Worſhip, and Ordinances of God, yet even here I ſee that which pointeth me up higher, and telleth me it is much better to be with Chriſt. 1. Shall I love the Name of Heaven, better than Heaven itſelf? The Holy Scriptures are precious, becauſe I have there the Promiſe of Glory; but is not the Poſſeſſion better than the Promiſe? If a Light and Guide thither through this Wilderneſs be good, ſurely the End muſt needs be better! And it hath pleaſed God that all things on Earth, and therefore even the Sacred Scriptures, ſhould bear the Marks of our ſtate of imperfection: Imperfect Perſons were the Penmen; and imperfect humane Language is the conveying, ſignal, organical part of the matter. And the Method and Phraſe (though true and blameleſs) are far ſhort of the heavenly Perfection. Elſe ſo many Commentators had not found ſo hard a task of it to expound innumerable difficulties, and reconcile ſo many ſeeming contradictions, nor would Infidels find matter of ſo ſtrong temptation, and ſo much cavil as they do; nor p. 99would Peter have told us of the difficulties of Pauls Epiſtles, and ſuch occaſions of mens wreſting them to their own deſtruction. Heaven will not be made to perfect Spirits, the occaſion of ſo many Errors, and Controverſies, and quarrels as the Scriptures are to us imperfect men on Earth. Yea Heaven is the more deſirable, becauſe there I ſhall better underſtand the Scriptures, than here I can ever hope to do. All the hard paſſages now miſunderſtood, will there be made plain, and all the ſeeming contradictions reconciled; and which is much more, that God, that Chriſt, that New Jeruſalem, that Glory, and that Felicity of Souls, which are now known but▪ darkly and enigmatically in the Glaſs, will then be known intuitively as we ſee the Face itſelf, whoſe Image only the Glaſs firſt ſhewed us. To leave my Bible, and go to the God, and the Heaven that is revealed, will be no otherwiſe a loſs to me, than to lay by my Crutches or Spectacles when I need them not, or to leave his Image for the preſence of my Friend.

2. Much leſs do I need to fear the loſs of all other Books, or Sermons, or other Verbal informations. Much reading hath oft been a wearineſs to my Fleſh; and the pleaſure of my Mind is much abated by the great imperfection of the means. Many Books muſt be partly read, that I may know that they are ſcarce worth the reading: And many muſt be read to enable us to ſatisfie other mens expectations, and to confute thoſe who abuſe the authority of the Authors againſt the Truth: And many good Books muſt be read, that have little to add, to what we have read in many others before; and many that are blotted with enſnaring Errours: Which if we detect not, we leave ſnares for ſuch as ſee them not: And if we detect them (never ſo tenderly, if truly) we are taken to be injurious to p. 100the Honour of the Learned godly Authors, and proudly to overvalue our own conceipts. And ſo lamentable is the Caſe of all Mankind, by the imperfections of humane Language, that thoſe Words which are invented for communication of conceptions, are ſo little fitted to their uſe, as rather to occaſion miſunderſtandings and contentions: There being ſcarce a Word that hath not many ſignifications, and that needeth not many more words to bring us to the true notice of the ſpeakers Mind: And when every word is a Signum that hath three relations, 1. To the Matter ſpoken of. 2. To the Mind of the Speaker as ſignifying his conceptions of that matter. 3. And to the Mind of the Hearer or Reader which is to be informed by it, it is ſo hard to find and uſe words that are fitted indeed to all theſe uſes, and to have ſtore of ſuch, and mix no other, that few if any in the World were ever ſo happy as to attain it. 1. And if words be not fitted to the Matter or Things, they are falſe as to their firſt and proper uſe: And yet the penury of apt words, and the redundancy of others, and the Authority of the Maſters of Sciences impoſing Arbitrary Terms and Notions on their Diſciples, and the Cuſtom of the Vulgar who have the Empire as to the fenſe of Words, have all conſpired to make words inept, and of very uncertain ſignification. So that when Students have learnt words by long and hard Studies, they are oft little the nearer the true knowledg of the Things; and too oft by their ineptitude miſled to falſe conceptions. And ſo their ſaying is too often true, that a great Book is a great Evil, while it containeth ſo great a number of uncertain words, which become the matter of great contentions.

2. And when the Mind of the Speaker or Writer is no better informed by ſuch Notions, but his conceptions p. 101of Things are ſome falſe, ſome confuſed and undigeſted, what wonder if his words do no otherwiſe expreſs his mind to others: When even men of cleareſt underſtanding find it difficult to have words ſtill ready to communicate their conceptions with truth and clearneſs. To form true ſentiments of Things into apt ſignificant words, is a matter of meer Art, and requireth an apt Teacher, & a ſerious Learner, and long uſe: (And too many take their Art of Speaking in Prayer, Conference, or Preaching, to have more in it of Wiſdom, and Piety, than it hath; and ſome too much Condemn the unaccuſtomed that want it.)

3. And if we could fit our words well to the Matter and to our Minds (with that double verity) yet ſtill it is hard to fit them to the Reader or Hearer: For want of which they are loſt as to him: And his information being our End, they are therefore ſo far loſt to us. And that which is ſpoken moſt congruouſly to the Matter, is ſeldom fitted to the capacity of the receiver. And recipitur ad modum recipient is, & pro captu Lectoris, &c. Some Readers or Hearers (yea, almoſt all) are ſo uſed to unapt Words and Notions, obtruded on Mankind by the Maſters of Words, that they cannot underſtand us if we change their terms and offer them fitter, and yet leaſt underſtand thoſe which they think that they beſt underſtand: And all men muſt have long time to learn the Art of Words, before they can underſtand them, as well as before they can readily uſe them. And the duller any Man is, and of leſs underſtanding, the more Words are neceſſary to make him underſtand: And yet his Memory is the leſs capable of retaining many. This is our difficulty not only in Catechizing, but in all our Writings and Teaching, a ſhort Catechiſm, or a ſhort Style, the ignorant underſtand not; p. 102and a long one they remember not. And he that will accommodate one judicious Reader or Hearer, with profound matter or an accurate Style, muſt incommodate Multitudes that are uncapable of it. And therefore ſuch muſt be content with few approvers, and leave the Applauſe of the Multitude to the more popular, unleſs he be one that can ſeaſonably ſuit himſelf to both.

A Man that reſolveth not to be deceived by ambiguous words, and maketh it his firſt work in all his Reading and diſputings to difference between Words, and Senſe, and Things, and ſtrictly to examine each diſputed term, till the Speakers meaning be diſtinctly known, will ſee the lamentable caſe of the Church, and all Mankind, and what ſhaddows of knowledg deceive the World, and in what uſeleſs dreams the greateſt part of men, yea of Learned men do ſpend their days: Much of that which ſome men unweariedly ſtudy, and take to be the honour of their underſtandings, and their lives, and much of that which Multitudes place their Piety and Hopes of Salvation in, being a meer game at words, and uſeleſs Notions; and as truly to be called Vanity and Vexation as is the reſt of the Vain ſhew that moſt men walk in. My ſad and bitter Thoughts of the Heathen, Infidel, Mahomet World, and of the common corruptions of Rulers and Teachers, Cities and Countries, Senates and Councils, I will not here open to others, leſt they offend; nor cry out as Seneca, Omnes mali ſumus, or ſtultorum plena ſunt omnia, nor deſcribe the furious Spirits of the Clergy, and their ignorance, and unrighteous Calumnies and Schiſms, as Gregory Nazianzene and others do, nor voluminouſly lament the ſeeming hopeleſs caſe of Earth, by the boldneſs, blindneſs, and fury of men that make uſe of ſuch ſad conſiderations, to looſen my love from ſuch a World, and make me willing to be with Chriſt.

p. 1039. And if other mens Words and Writings are ble miſhed with ſo much imperfection, why ſhould think that my own are blameleſs? I muſt for ever be thankful for the holy Inſtructions and Writings of others, notwithſtanding humane frailty, and contentious mens abuſe of words: And ſo I muſt be thankful that God hath made any uſe of my own, for the good of Souls, and his Churches Edification. But with how many allays are ſuch comforts here mixed? We are not the Teachers of a well ruled School, where Learners are ranked into ſeveral Forms, that every one may have the teaching which is agreeable to his capacity: But we muſt ſet open the Door to all that will crowd in, and publiſh our Writings to all ſorts of Readers: And there being as various degrees of Capacity as there are Men, and Women, and conſequently great variety and contrariety of apprehenſions, it's eaſie ab antecedente to know what various reception we muſt expect: We caſt out our Doctrine almoſt as a Foot-ball is turned out among Boys in the Street, in ſome Congregations: Few underſtand it, but every one cenſureth it. Few come as Learners or teachable Diſciples, but moſt come to ſit as Judges on their Teachers words: and yet have neither the Skill, or the Patience, or the diligence which is neceſſary in a juſt Tryal, to a righteous judgment. But as our words agree or diſagree with the former conceptions of every Hearer, ſo are they judged to be wiſe or fooliſh, ſound or unſound, true or falſe, fit or unfit. Few Sermons that I preach but one extolleth them, and wiſheth they were printed, and another accuſeth them of ſome hainous fault: Some men are pleaſed with clearneſs and accuratneſs of Doctrine▪ and others account it too high, and ſay we ſhoot over the hearers Heads, and like nothing p. 104but the fervent Application of what they knew before moſt Hearers are diſpleaſed with that which they moſt need: If they err, they reproach that Doctrin as erroneous that would cure them: If they are guilty of any prevailing Diſtemper and ſin, they take that Application to be injurious to them, which would convince them, and ſave them from that guilt. Moſt are much pleaſed with plain and zealous reproof of ſin; but it muſt be other mens ſins, and not their own. The poor love to hear of the evil of oppreſſion and unmercifulneſs, of Pride, Fulneſs and Idleneſs, and all the ſins of the Rich: Subjects love to hear of their Rulers faults, and ſay, O this Man is no flatterer; he dares tell the greateſt of their ſins: But if they hear of their own, they take for it an injury. Rulers like a Sermon for ſubmiſſion and obedience but how few love to hear of the evil of injuſtice and oppreſſion, or pride, and ſenſuality, or to read, Luke 16. or 12. or James 5. or to hear of the neceſſity of Holineſs, Juſtice and temperance, and of Death, and Judgment and the Life to come. Every Sectary and Dogmatiſt delighteth to have his own Opinion cryed up, and his Party praiſed as the chiefeſt Saints: But all that tendeth to the praiſe of thoſe that he diſſenteth from, and accounteth adverſaries to the Truth, is diſtaſtful to him, as a complying with iniquity, and a ſtrengthning of the Enemies of Chriſt: And all that uncharitableneſs which he expecteth from us againſt others, is as much expected by others, as againſt him and ſuch as he.

This Day while I am writing theſe words, my Pockets are too full of Letters ſent me, on one ſide importunately charging it on me as my duty to conform (to the Oaths, Declarations, Covenants and Practiſes, now impoſed) or elſe to give over preaching (which would p. 105pleaſe them;) and on the other ſide vehemently cenſuring me as guilty of grievous ſin, for declaring my judgment for ſo much of Conformity as I have done; and charging me by Predictions as guilty of the Sufferings of all that are otherwiſe minded, for communicating in the Sacrament, and the common Prayers of the Church; and others in the mid way, perſuading me equally to bear my Teſtimony againſt unjuſt Separation and Perſecution, and to endeavour ſtill if poſſible to ſave a ſelf deſtroying People, from the tearing fury of theſe two extreams: And how ſhould I anſwer theſe contrary expectations, or eſcape the Cenſures of ſuch expectants?

And it hath pleaſed God, who Thirty Years and more hath tryed me by humane Applauſe, of late in this City (where multitudes of Perſons of contrary Minds are like Paſſengers in crowded Streets, ſtill joſtling and offending one another) to exerciſe me with mens daily backbitings and cavils: And ſo many have choſen me for the ſubject of their Diſcourſe, that I may ſay as Paul, 1 Cor. 4. 9, 10, &c. [We are made a Spectacle (or Theatre) to the World, and to Angels, and to men: We are Fools for Chriſts ſake, but ye are wiſe in Chriſt, &c.] Did I not live out of the noiſe in retirement, and taken up with pain and expectations of my change, what an annoyance to me would it be to hear Religious Perſons that have a God, a Chriſt, a Heaven to talk of, to abuſe their Time and Tongues in ſo much talking of one ſo inconſiderable, and that hath ſo little to do with them, or they with him; while with ſome overvaluing me and others ſtill quarrelling, I am the matter of their idle ſinful talk. The Perſecutors for divers Years after firſt ſilencing (if not ſtill) and the Separatiſts for two or three Years laſt paſt, have been poſſeſſed with ſo ſtrange p. 106a jealouſie and quarrelſom a diſpoſition againſt me, that they ſeem to take it for their Interest to promote my defamation? and for much of their work to ſearch what may afford them any matter of accuſation in every Sermon that I preach, and every Book that I write. And though the fury of the Perſecutors be ſuch as maketh them much uncapable of ſuch converſe and ſober conſideration as is needful to their true information and ſatisfaction; yet moſt of the more Religious Cavillers are ſatisfied as ſoon as I have ſpoken with them, and all endeth in a putarem or non putarem: For want of accurateneſs and patience, they judge raſhly before they underſtand, and when they underſtand confeſs their errour; and yet many go on and take no warning after many times conviction of their miſtake. Even in Books that are ſtill before their Eyes (as well as in tranſient words in Sermons) they heedleſly leave out, or put in, or alter, and miſreport plain words, and with confidence affirm thoſe things to have been ſaid that never were ſaid, but perhaps the contrary. And when all People will judg of the good or evil of our words as they think we have Reaſon to uſe them or forbear them, how can we ſatisfie men that are out of our hearing, and to whom we cannot tell our Reaſons: Moſt men are of private narrow obſervation, & judge of the good or hurt that our words do, by thoſe that they themſelves converſe with: And when I convince them that my deciſions of many queſtions (which they are offended at) are true, they ſay, It is an unſeaſonable and a hurtful truth: and when I have called them to look further abroad in the World, and told them my Reaſons; they ſay, Had theſe been all ſet down, men would have been ſatisfied.] And on how hard terms do we inſtruct ſuch Perſons whoſe narrow underſtandings cannot know obvious Reaſons of what we ſay till they p. 107are particularly told them? And ſo to tell men the Reaſons of all that ſuch can quarrel with, will make every Book to ſwell with Commentaries to ſuch a bigneſs as they can neither buy nor read: And they come not to us to know our Reaſons; nor have we leiſure to open them to every ſingle Perſon: And thus ſuſpicious men, when their underſtandings want the humbling acquaintance with their ignorance and their Conſciences that tenderneſs which ſhould reſtrain them from raſh judging, go on to accuſe ſuch needful Truths of which they know not the uſe and reaſon. And what Man living hath the leiſure and opportunity to acquaint all the ignorant Perſons in City and Countrey with all the Reaſons of all that he ſhall ſay, write or do? Or who that writeth not a Page inſtead of a Sentence, can ſo write that every unprepared Reader ſhall underſtand him: And what hopes hath that Tutor or School-maſter of preſerving his reputation, who ſhall be accounted erroneous and accuſed of unſound or injurious Doctrine, by every Schollar that underſtandeth not his words, and all the reaſons of them?

But God in great Mercy to me hath made this my Lot (not cauſing but permitting the ſins of the contentious) that I might before death be better weaned from all below: Had my temptations from inordinate Applauſe had no allay, they might have been more dangerouſly ſtrong. Even yet while Church-Dividers on both extreams do make me the Object of their daily obloquy, the continued reſpects of the ſober and peaceable, are ſo great as to be a temptation ſtrong enough, to ſo weak a Perſon, to give a check to my deſires to leave the World. It is long ſince Riches and worldly Honour appeared to me as they are, as not rendring the World much lovely or deſireable. But the Love p. 108and Concord of Religious Perſons hath a more amiable Aſpect: There is ſo much Holineſs in theſe, that I was loth to call them Vanity and Vexation: But yet as Fleſh and Blood would refer them to ſelfiſh Ends, and any way value them as a Carnal intereſt, I muſt ſo call them, and number them with the things that are Loſs and Dung, Phil. 3. 7, 8. Selfiſhneſs can ſerve itſelf upon things good and holy: And if good men, and good Books, and good Sermons would make the World ſeem overlovely to us, it will be a Mercy of God to abate the temptation: And if my Soul looking toward the heavenly Jeruſalem, be hindred as Paul was in his Journey to Jeruſalem, Act. 20. & 21. by the Love of ancient Friends and Hearers, I muſt ſay, What mean you to weep and break my Heart! I am ready to leave the deareſt Friends on Earth, and life, and all the pleaſures of life, for the preſence of far better Friends with Chriſt, and the ſweeter pleaſures of a better life. That little amiableneſs which is in things below, is in godly men as life in the Heart, which dieth laſt: When that's all gone, when we are dead to the Love of the godly themſelves, and to Learning, Books, and mediate Ordinances, ſo far as they ſerve a ſelfiſh intereſt, and tempt down our Hearts from heavenly aſpirings, the World then is Crucified to us indeed, and we to it: I rejoice to tread in the Footſteps of my Lord, who had ſome indeed weeping about his croſs, but was forſaken by all his Diſciples, while in the Hour of Temptation they all fled▪ But my deſertion is far leſs, for it is leſs that I am fit to bear. If God will juſtifie, who ſhall condemn? If he be for me, who ſhall be againſt me? O may I not be put to that dreadfull caſe, to cry out, My God, my God, why haſt thou forſaken me? And may nothing ſeparate me from his Love! And then were I forſaken of the ſober and p. 109peaceable, as I am in part of ſome quarrelſom Dividers, how tolerable a tryal would it be? Man is as duſt in the Ballance, that addeth little to it, and ſignifieth nothing when God is in the other end. But I ſuſpect ſtill that I make too much account of Man, when this caſe hath taken up too much of my obſervation.

1. And of all things ſurely a departing Soul hath leaſt cauſe to fear, the loſing of its notice of the Affairs of the World? Of Peace or Wars, or Church, or Kingdoms. For, 1. If the Sun can ſend forth its material Beams, and operate by motion, light, and heat, at ſuch a diſtance as this Earth, why ſhould I think that bleſſed Spirits are ſuch local, confined and impotent ſubſtances, as not to have notice of the things of Earth? Had I but bodily Eyes I could ſee more from the top of a Tower or Hill, than any one that is below can do. And ſhall I know leſs of Earth from Heaven than I do now? It's unlike that my Capacity will be ſo little: And if it were, it is unlike that Chriſts and all the Angels will be ſo ſtrange to me, as to give me no notice of things that ſo much concern my God and my Redeemer (to whom I am united) and the Holy Society of which I am a part, and my ſelf as a Member of Chriſt and that Society! I do not think that the Communion of the Celeſtial Inhabitants is ſo narrow and ſlow, as it is of walking Clods of Earth, and of Souls that are confined to ſuch dark Lanthorns as this Body is? Stars can ſhine one to another. And we on Earth can ſee them ſo far off in their Heaven: And ſure then if they have a ſeeing faculty each of them can ſee many of us; even the Kingdoms of the World. Spirits are moſt active, and of powerful and quick communication. They need not ſend Letters, or write Books to one another, nor lift up a voice to make each other hear: Nor is there any unkindneſs, p. 110diviſion, or unſociable ſelfiſhneſs among them, which may cauſe them to conceal their notices or their joys: But as Activity, ſo Unity is Greateſt, where there is moſt Perfection: They will ſo be Many, as yet to be One; and their Knowledge will be One Knowledge, and their Love One Love, and their Joy One Joy: Not by ſo perfect a Unity as in God himſelf, who is One and but One; but ſuch as is ſuitable to created imperfection, which participate of the Perfection of the Creator, as the Effect doth of the virtue of the Cauſe, and therefore hath ſome participation of his Unity. (O fooliſh Soul! if I ſhall fear this Unity with God, Chriſt, and all the Holy Spirits, leſt I ſhould loſe my preſent ſeparate Individuation, when Perfection and Union are ſo near akin.) In a word I have no cauſe to think that my Celeſtial advancement will be a diminution of any deſirable Knowledge even of things on Earth; but contrarily that it will be unconceivably increaſed.

2. But if indeed I ſhall know leſs of things below, it will be becauſe that the knowledge of them is a part of Vanity and Vexation, which hath no place in Heaven. So much knowledge of good and evil in lower matters, as came to us by ſin, is unworthy of our fond tenaciouſneſs, and fear of loſing it? Surely the ſad tidings which we have Weekly in our News Books, our lamentable notices of Heathen and Infidel Kingdoms of the overſpreading prevalency of Barbarouſneſs, Idolatry, Ignorance and Infidelity; of the rage and ſucceſs of cruel Tyrants; of the bloody Wars of proud, unquiet worldly men, of the miſery of the oppreſſed deſolate Countreys, the diſſipated Churches, the perſecuted innocent Chriſtians, are no ſuch pleaſing things as that we ſhould be afraid to hear of ſuch no more. To know or hear of the poor in Famine, the rich in Folly, the p. 111Church diſtracted, the Kingdom diſcontented; the godly ſcandalous by the effects of their Errours, imperfections and diviſions, the wicked outrageous and waxing worſe, the falſeneſs or miſcarriages or ſufferings of Friends, the fury or ſucceſs of Enemies, is this an intelligence which I cannot ſpare? What is the daily tidings that I hear but of bloody Wars, the undone Countreys, the perſecuted Churches, the ſilenced, baniſhed, or impriſoned Preachers, of the beſt removed in judgment from an unworthy World by Death, and worſe ſucceeding in their rooms, of the renewed deſigns and endeavours of the Churches Enemies; the implacable rage of the worldly and unquiet Clergy, and the new diviſions of ſelf-conceited Sectaries, and the obloquy and backbitings of each Party againſt the other? How oft hear I the ſad tidings of this Friends ſickneſs or Death, and that Friends diſcontent, and of anothers fall, and of many, very many's Sufferings? My Ears are daily filled with the cryes of the poor whom I cannot relieve, with the endleſs complaints of fearful Melancholy deſpairing Perſons; with the wranglings of the ignorant and proud Profeſſors, and contentious Divines, who cenſure moſt boldly where they are moſt Erroneous or dark: Or with the troubleſom diſcontents of thoſe that I converſe with: And ſhould I be afraid of the ending of ſo ſad a Tragedy, or of awaking out of ſuch an unpleaſant dream. Have I not many times thought of the Priviledge of the deaf, that hear not theſe troubleſom and provoking things; and of the Blind that ſee not the Vanities and Temptations of this World: It is one part of the benefit of ſolitude, or a private life and habitation, to free me from many of theſe unpleaſing Objects; and a great part of the benefit of ſleep, that with my Cloaths I may lay by theſe troubleous Thoughts.

p. 112§ 11. But other men tell me, The Church cannot yet ſpare you: There is yet this and that neceſſary work to be done: There is this and that need, &c.

But, 1. Is it we or God that muſt chooſe his Servants, and cut out their work? Whoſe work am I doing? Is it my own, or his? If his, is it not he that muſt tell me what, and when, and how long? And will not his will and choice be beſt? If I be…eve not this, how do I take him for my God? Doth God or I know better what he hath yet to do? And who is fitteſt to do it? The Churches Service and benefits muſt be meaſured out by our Maſter and Benefactor, and not by our ſelves.

2. What am I to thoſe more excellent Perſons whom in all Ages he hath taken out of the World? And would mens Thoughts of the Churches needs detain them? The poor Heathen, Infidel, Mahometane Nations have no Preachers of the Goſpel? And if their need prove not that God will ſend them ſuch, no Countreys need will prove that God will continue them ſuch. Many more uſeful Servants of Chriſt have died in their youth: John Janeway preached but one Sermon: Joſeph Allen (and many another excellent Men) died young in the midſt of his vigorous ſucceſsful labours: Both of them far more fit for God's work and likely to win Souls, and glorifie God, than I am or ever was (However their greater Light was partly kindled from my leſſer.) Yet did both theſe under painful conſuming languiſhings of the Fleſh, die as they had long lived in the lively triumphant Praiſes of their Redeemer, and joyful deſires and hopes of Glory? And ſhall I at Sixty ſeven Years of Age, after ſuch a life of unſpeakable Mercies, and after almoſt Forty four Years of comfortable help in the Service of my Lord, p. 113be now afraid of my reward, and ſhrink at the Sentence of Death, and ſtill be deſiring to ſtay here, upon pretence of further ſervice: We know not what is beſt for the Church as God doth: The Church and the World are not Ours, but his: not our deſires, but his will, muſt meaſure out its Mercies: We are not ſo Merciful as he is: It is not unmeet for us to deſire many things which God will not give, nor ſeeth it meet to grant the particulars of ſuch deſires. Nothing ever lay ſo heavy on my Heart as the ſin and miſery of Mankind, and to think how much of the World lyeth in folly and wickedneſs? And for what can I pray ſo heartily as for the Worlds recovery: And it is his will that I ſhould ſhew a Holy and Univerſal Love by praying, Let thy Name be hallowed, Thy Kingdom come, and Thy will be done on Earth as it is done in Heaven: And yet alas, how unlike is Earth to Heaven, and what Ignorance, Sin, Confuſions and Cruelties here reign and proſper? And unleſs there be a wonderful change to be expected, even as by a general Miracle, how little hope appeareth that ever theſe Prayers ſhould be granted in the things? It maketh us better to deſire that others may be better: But God is the free diſpoſer of his own gifts: And it ſeemeth to be his will, that the permitted Ignorance and Confuſions of this World, ſhould help us the more to value, and deſire that World of Light, Love and Order, which he calleth us to prefer and hope for.

And if I am any way uſeful to the World, it is undeſerved Mercy that hath made me ſo; for which I muſt be thankful: But How long I ſhall be ſo is not my buſineſs to determine, but my Lords. My many ſweet and beautiful Flowers ariſe and appear in their beauty and ſweetneſs, but for one Summers time, and they murmur not that they flouriſh for ſo ſhort a ſpace. The p. 114Beaſts, and Birds, and Fiſhes, which I feed on, do live till I will have them die: And as God will be ſerved and pleaſed by wonderful variety at once (of Animals, and Vegetables, &c.) So will he by many ſucceſſive▪ Generations: If one Flower fall or die, it ſufficeth that others ſhall Summer after Summer ariſe from the ſame root: And if my Pears, Apples, Plums, &c. fall or ſerve me when they are ripe, it ſufficeth that (not they, but) others the next Year ſhall do the ſame; God will have other Generations to ſucceed us: Let us think him that we have had our time: And could we overcome the Grand (too little obſerved) Crime of SELFISHNESS, and could Love others as our ſelves, and God as God above all the World, it would comfort us at Death, that others ſhall ſurvive us, and the World ſhall continue, and God will be ſtill God, and be glorified in his works: And Love will ſay, I ſhall live in my ſucceſſors, and I ſhall more than Live in the Life of the World; and yet moſt of all in the eternal Life and Glory of God.

And God, (who made us not gods but poor Creatures as it pleaſed him) doth know beſt our meaſures: And he will not try us with too long a Life of Temptations, leſt we ſhould grow too familiar where we ſhould be Strangers, and utterly Strangers to our home: No wonder if that World was ready for a deluge, by a deluge of ſin, in which men lived to Six, Seven, Eight and Nine hundred Years of Age: Had our Great Senſualiſts any hope of ſo long a life, they were like to be like incarnate Devils, and there would be no dwelling near them for the Holy Seed? If Angels were among them, they would like the Sod…mites ſeek furiouſly to abuſe them.

Nor will God tire us out with too long a life of p. 115earthly ſufferings: We think ſhort cares, and fears, and ſorrows, perſecutions, ſickneſs, and croſſes to be long: And ſhall we grudge at the Wiſdom and Love which ſhortneth them. Yea, though holy duty it ſelf be excellent and ſweet, yet the weakneſs of the Fleſh maketh us liable to wearineſs, and abateth the willingneſs of the Spirit: And our wiſe and merciful God will not make our warfare or our race too long, leſt we be wearied and faint, and fall ſhort of the prize. By our wearineſs, and complaints, and fears and groans, one would think that we thought this life too long, and yet when we ſhould yield to the call of God, we draw back as if we would have it everlaſting.

§ 12. Willingly ſubmit then O my Soul: It is not thou, but this Fleſh that muſt be diſſolved; this troubleſom, vile and corruptible Fleſh: It is but the other half thy meat and drink, which thy preſence kept longer uncorrupted, going after the excremental part. Thou dieſt not when Man (the compoſitum) dieth, by thy departure. And as thou liveſt not to thy ſelf, I die not to my ſelf; whether I live or die, I am the Lords: He that ſet up the Candle, knoweth how long he hath uſe for the light of it. Study thy duty, and work while it is Day, and let God chooſe thy time, and willingly ſtand to his diſpoſal. The Goſpel dieth not when I die: The Church dieth not: The Praiſes of God die not; the World dieth not: And perhaps it ſhall grow better, and thoſe Prayers ſhall be anſwered which ſeemed loſt: Yea, & it may be ſome of the Seed that I have ſowen, ſhall ſpring up to ſome benefit of the dark unpeaceable World when I am dead. And is not this much of the end of life? & is not that Life good, which attaineth its End? If my End was to do Good and Glorifie God, if Good be done, and God be Glorified, when I am dead, yea though I were p. 116annihilated, is not my End attained: Feign not thy ſelf to be God, whoſe Intereſt (that is, the pleaſing of his Will) is the End of all things: And whoſe will is the meaſure of all Created good: Feign not thy ſelf to be All the World: God hath not loſt his work; the World is not diſſolved, when I am diſſolved! O how ſtrong and unreaſonable a Diſeaſe is this inordinate SELFISHNESS! Is not God's Will Infinitely better than mine? And fitter to be fulfilled: Chooſe the fulfilling of his Will, and thou ſhalt always have thy choice: If a Man be well that can always have his will, let this always be thy Will, that God's Will may be done, and thou ſhalt always have it.

Lord, let thy Servant Depart in Peace: even in Thy Peace, which paſſeth underſtanding, and which Chriſt the Prince of Peace doth give, and nothing in the World can take away! O give me that Peace which beſeemeth a Soul, which is ſo near the Harbour, even the World of endleſs PEACE and LOVE! where perfect UNION (ſuch as I am capable of) will free me from all the ſins and troubles, which are cauſed by the convulſions, divulſions, and confuſions of this divided SELFISH World. Call home this Soul by the encouraging Voice of Love, that it may joyfully hear, and ſay, It is my Fathers Voice: Invite it to thee by the heavenly Meſſenger: Attract it by the tokens and the foretaſts of Love: The Meſſengers that invited me to the Feaſt of Grace, compelled me to come in without conſtraint: Thy effectual call did make me willing: And is not Glory better than preparing Grace? Shall I not come more willingly to the Celeſtial Feaſt? What was thy Grace for, but to make me willing of Glory, and the way to it? Why didſt thou dart down thy Beams of Love, but to make me Love thee, and to call me p. 117up to the everlaſting Center! Was not the Feaſt of of Grace, as a Sacrament of the Feaſt of Glory: Did I not take it in remembrance of my Lord until he come? Did not he that told me, All things are ready, tell me alſo that He is gone to prepare a place for us, and it is his will that we ſhall be with him and ſee his Glory. They that are Given him, and Drawn to him by the Father on Earth, do come to Chriſt: Give now and Draw my Departing Soul to my Glorified Head: And as I have Glorified thee on Earth in the meaſure that thy Grace hath prevailed in me, pardon the ſins by which I have offended thee, and Glorifie me in the beholding and participation of the Glory of my Redeemer; come Lord Jeſus, come quickly with fuller Life, and Light, and Love, into this too Dead, and Dark, and Diſaffected Soul, that it may come with joyful willingneſs unto thee.

§ 13. Willingly Depart O lingring Soul! It is from a Sodom, though in it there be righteous Lots, who yet are not without their woful blemiſhes! Haſt thou ſo oft groaned for the general blindneſs and wickedneſs of the World, and art thou loth to leave it for a better? How oft wouldſt thou have rejoyced to have ſeen but the dawning of a Day of Univerſal Peace and Reformation? And wouldſt thou not ſee it, where it ſhineth forth in fulleſt Glory? Would a light at Midnight have pleaſed thee ſo well: Haſt thou prayed and laboured for it ſo hard? And would thou not ſee the Sun? Will the things of Heaven pleaſe thee no where but on Earth, where they come in the leaſt and weakeſt influences, and are terminated in groſs, terrene, obſcure, and unkind recipients? Away, away, the vindictive Flames are ready to conſume this ſinful World? Sinners that blindly rage in ſin, muſt quickly rage in the effects of p. 118ſin, and of God's Juſtice: The pangs of Luſt, prepared for theſe pangs! They are treaſuring up wrath againſt this Day: Look not then behind thee: Away from this unhappy World! Preſs on unto the Mark, Phil. 3. Looking towards, and haſtning to the coming of the Day of God, 2 Pet. 3. 10, 11, 12.

As this World hath uſed thee, it would uſe thee ſtill, and it will uſe others? If thou haſt ſped well in it, no thanks to it, but unto God! If thou haſt had manifold deliverances, and marvellous preſervations, and haſt been ſed with Angels food, love not this Wilderneſs for it, but God and his Angel which was thy Guide, Protector and Deliverer.

And hath this troubleſome Fleſh been ſo comfortable a companion to thee, that thou ſhouldſt be ſo loth to leave it? Have thy pains, thy wearineſs, thy languiſhings, thy labours, thy cares and fears about this Body, been pleaſing to thee? And art thou loth that they ſhould have an end? Didſt thou not find a need of patience to undergo them? And of greater Patience than m…r Nature gave thee? And canſt thou hope now for better, when Nature faileth, and that an aged, conſumed, more diſeaſed Body, ſhould be a pleaſanter habitation to thee, than it was heretofore? If from thy youth up it hath been both a tempting and a troubling thing to thee, ſurely though it be leſs tempting, it will not be leſs troubling, when it is falling to the Duſt, and above ground ſavoureth of the Grave! Had things ſenſible been never ſo pleaſant in thy youth, and hadſt thou glutted thy ſelf in health with that ſort of delight, in Age thou art to ſay by Nature, I have no pleaſure in them. Doth God in great Mercy make pain and feebleneſs the Harbingers of Death, and wilt thou not underſtand their buſineſs? Doth he mercifully before hand take away the pleaſure p. 119of all fleſhly things, and worldly vanities, that there may be nothing to relieve a departing Soul, (as the ſhell breaketh when the Bird is hatched, and the Womb relaxed when the Infant muſt be Born;) and yet ſhall we ſtay when nothing holdeth us, and ſtill be loth to come away? Wouldſt thou dwell with thy beloved Body in the Grave, where it will rot and ſtink in loathſome darkneſs? If not, why ſhould it now in its painful languor, ſeem to thee a more pleaſant habitation than the glorious preſence of thy Lord? In the Grave it will be at reſt, and not tormented as now it is, nor wiſh at Night, O that it were Morning; nor ſay at Morning, when will it be Night? And is this a dwelling fit for thy delight? Patience in it while God will ſo try thee, is thy duty? But is ſuch Patience a better and ſweeter life, than reſt and joy?

§ 14. But alas, how deaf is Fleſh to Reaſon? Faith hath the Reaſon which eaſily may ſhame all contrary Reaſoning; but ſenſe is unreaſonable, and eſpecially this inordinate tenacious Love of preſent Life. I have Reaſon enough to be willing to depart, even much more willing than I am: O that I could be as willing as I am convinced, that I have Reaſon to be? Could I Love God as much as I know that I ſhould Love him, then I ſhould deſire to depart and to be with Chriſt, as much as I know that I ſhould deſire it: But God in Nature hath here laid upon me ſome neceſſity of averſation, (though the inordinateneſs came from ſin:) Elſe Chriſt had not ſo feared, and deprecated the Cup: Death muſt be a penalty, even where it is a gain! and therefore it muſt meet with ſome unwillingneſs: Becauſe we willingly ſinned, we muſt unwillingly ſuffer! The Gain is not the pain or diſſolution in itſelf, but the happy conſequents of it. p. 120All the Faith and Reaſon in the World, will not make Death to be no penalty, and therefore will not take away all unwillingneſs. No Man ever yet Reaſoned or Believed himſelf into a Love of Pain and Death as ſuch: But ſeeing that the gain is unſpeakably Greater than the Pain and Loſs, Faith and Holy Reaſon may make our willingneſs to be Greater than our unwillingneſs, and our Hope and Joy, than our Fear and Sorrow: And it is the deep and effectual notice of Goodneſs which is God's way in Nature and Grace, to change and draw the Will of Man: Come then my Soul, and Think believingly what is BEST for thee: And wilt thou not Love and Deſire moſt, that which is certainly the BEST?