The Divine Life, Treatise 3 · Part 5
I Shall now come to the Affirmative, and tell you for all this, that [If God call us into Solitude, or men forsake us, we may rejoyce in this, that we are not alone, but the Father is with us.] Fear not such Solitude, but be ready to improve it, if you be cast upon it. If God be your God, reconciled to you in Christ, and his Spirit be in you, you are provided for Solitude, and need not fear if all the world should cast you off. If you be banished, imprisoned, or left alone, it is but a Relaxation from your greatest labours; which though you may not cast off your selves, you may lawfully be sensible of your ease, if God take off your burden. It is but a cessation from your sharpest conflicts, and removal from a multitude of great temptations. And though you may not cowardly retreat or shift your selves from the sight and danger, yet if God will dispense with you, and let you live in greater peace and safety, you have no cause to murmure at his dealing. A fruit tree that groweth by the high-way side, doth seldome keep its fruit to ripeness, while so many passengers have each his stone or cudgel to cast at it: Seneca could say [Nunquam a turba mores quos extuli refero: Aliquid ex eo quod composui turbatur; aliquid ex his quae fugavi redit: inimica est multorum conversatio] I never bring home well from a crowd the manners which I took out with me: something is disordered of that which I had set in order: something of that which I had banished doth return: the conversation of many I find an enemy to me.] O how many vain and foolish words corrupt the minds of those that converse with an ungodly world, when your ears and minds who live in Solitude, are free from such temptations! You live not in so corrupt an Air as they: You hear not the filthy ribbald speeches, which fight against modesty and chastity, and are the bellows of lust: You hear not the discontented complaining words of the impatient; nor the passionate provoking words of the offended; nor the wrangling quarrelsome words of the contentious; nor the censorious, or slanderous, or reproachful words of the malicious, who think it their interest to have their brethren taken to be bad, and to have others hate them, because they themselves hate them; and who are as zealous to quench the charity of others, when it is destroyed in themselves, as holy persons are zealous to provoke others to Love, which dwelleth and ruleth in themselves. In your Solitude with God, you shall not hear the lyes and malicious revilings of the ungodly against the generation of the just: nor the subtile cheating words of Hetericks, who being themselves deceived, would deceive others of their faith, and corrupt their lives. You shall not there be distracted with the noise and clamours of contending uncharitable professors of Religion, endeavouring to make odious first the opinions, and then the persons of one another: one saying, Here is the Church, and another, There is the Church: one saying, This is the true Church Government, and another saying, Nay, but that is it: One saying, God will be worshipped thus, and another, Not so, but thus or thus: You shall not there be drawn to side with one against another, nor to joyn with any faction, or be guilty of divisions▪ You shall not be troubled with the oaths and blasphemies of the wicked, nor with the imprudent miscarriages of the weak; with the persecutions of enemies, or the falling out of friends: You shall not see the cruelty of proud oppressors, that set up lyes by armed violence, and care not what they say or do, nor how much other men are injured or suffer, so that themselves may tyrannize, and their wills and words may rule the world, when they do so unhappily rule themselves. In your Solitude with God, you shall not see the prosperity of the wicked to move you to envy, nor the adversity of the just to be your grief: You shall see no worldly pomp and splendour to besool you; nor adorned beauty to entice you, nor wasting calamities to afflict you: You shall not hear the laughter of fools, nor the sick mans groans, nor the wronged mans complaints, nor the poor mans murmurings, nor the proud mans boastings, nor the angry mans abusive ragings. As you lose the help of your gracious friends, so you are freed from the fruits of their peevishness and passions; of their differing opinions and wayes and tempers; of their inequality, unsuitableness, and contrariety of minds or interests; of their levity and unconstancy, and the powerful temptations of their friendship, to draw you to the errors or other sins which they are tainted with themselves. In a word, you are there half delivered from the VANITY and VEXATION of the world; and were it not that you are yet undelivered from your selves, and that you take distempered corrupted hearts with you, O what a felicity would your solitude be! But, alas, we cannot overrun our own diseases, we must carry with us the remnants of our corrupted nature; our deadness, and dulness, our selfishness and earthly minds, our impatience and discontents; and worst of all, our lamentable weakness of faith and love and heavenly mindedness, and our strangeness to God, and backwardness to the matters of eternal life. O that I could escape these, though I were in the hands of the cruellest enemies! O that such a heart could be left behind! How gladly would I overrun both house, and land, and honour, and all sensual delights, that I might but overrun it! O where is the place where there is none of this darkness, nor disaffection, nor distance, nor estrangedness from God! O that I knew it! O that I could find it! O that I might there dwell! though I should never more see the face of mortals; nor ever hear a humane voice, nor ever tast of the delights of flesh! Alas, foolish soul! such a place there is, that hath all this and more than this: but it is not in a wilderness, but in Paradise, not here on earth, but above with Christ! And yet am I so loth to die? yet am I no more desirous of the blessed day, when I shall be unclothed of flesh and sin? O death, what an enemy art thou even to my soul! By affrighting me from the presence of my Lord, and hindering my desires and willingness to be gone, thou wrongest me much more, than by laying my flesh to rot in darkness. Fain I would know God, and fain I would more love him and enjoy him: but O this hurtful love of life! O this unreasonable fear of dying, detaineth my desires from pressing on to the happy place where all this may be had! O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death! this carnal unbelieving heart, that sometime can think more delightfully of a Wilderness then of Heaven; that can go seek after God in desert solitude, among the birds and beasts and trees, and yet is so backward to be loosed from flesh that I may find him and enjoy him in the world of glory! Can I expect that heaven come down to earth! and that the Lord of Glory should remove his Court, and either leave the retinue of his celestial Courtiers, or bring them all down into this drossy world of flesh and sin, and this to satisfie my fleshly foolish mind! Or can I expect the translation of Henoch or the Chariot of Elias? Is it not enough that my Lord hath conquered Death, and sanctified the passage, and prepared the place of my perpetual abode!
Well! for all this, though a Wilderness is not Heaven, it shall be sweet and wellcome for the sake of Heaven, if thence I may but have a clearer prospect of it: and if by retiring from the crowd and noise of folly I may but be more composed and better disposed to converse above, and to use my faith (alas, my too weak languid faith) untill the beatifical vision and fruition come. If there may be but more of God, or readier access to him, or more heart-quickening flames of Love, or more heart-comforting intimations of his favour, in a wilderness then in a City, in a prison then in a Palace, let that wilderness be my City, and let that prison be my Palace, while I must abide on earth. If in solitude I may have Henochs walk with God, I shall in due season have such a translation as shall bring me to the same felicity which he enjoyeth: and in the mean time as well as after, it is no incommodity, if by mortal eyes I be seen no more. If the Chariot of contemplation will in solitude raise me to more believing affectionate converse with heaven, than I could expect in tumults and temptations, it shall reconcile me unto solitude, and make it my Paradise on earth, till Angels instead of the Chariot of Elias, shall convey me to the presence of my glorified Head, in the Celestial Paradise.
Object. But it is grievous to one that hath been used to much company, to be alone.
Answ. Company may so use you, that it may be more grievous to you not to be alone. The society of waspes and serpents may be spared; and Bees themselves have such stings as make some that have felt them think they bought the honey dear.
But can you say you are alone while you are with God? Is his presence nothing to you? Doth it not signifie more then the company of all men in the world? saith Hierome, [Sapi…ns nunquam solus esse potest: habet enim secum omnes qui sunt, & qui fuerunt boni— & si hominum sit inopia, loquitur cum Deo] viz. A wise man cannot be alone: for he hath with him the good men that are or have been—And if there be a want of men, he speaks with God.] He should rather have said, There can be no want of man, when we may speak with God: And were it not that God is here revealed to us as in a glass, and that we do converse with God in man, we should think humane converse little worth.
Object. O but solitude is disconsolate to a sociable mind.
Answ. But the most desirable society is no solitude: saith Hierome [Infinita eremi vastitas te terret? sed tu Paradisum mente deambula: Quotiescunque cogitatione ac mente illuc conscenderis, toties in eremo non eris] that is [Doth the infinite vastness of the wilderness terrifie thee? But do thou (ascend) in mind and walk in Paradise: As oft as thou ascendest thither in thought and mind, so oft thou shalt not be in the wilderness.] If God be nothing to thee, thou art not a Christian but an Atheist. If God be God to thee, he is All in all to thee; and then should not his presence be instead of all? O that I might get one step nearer unto God, though I receded many from all the world! O that I could find that place on earth where a sou… may have nearest access unto him, and fullest knowledge and enjoyment of him, though I never more saw the face of friends! I should chearfully say with my blessed Saviour [I am not alone, for the Father is with me.] And I should say so for these Reasons following.
1. If God be with me, the Maker, and Ruler, and Disposer of all is with me: so that all things are virtually with me in him. I have that in Gold and Jewels which I seem to want in Silver, Lead and Dross. I can want no friend if God vouchsafe to be my friend; and I can enjoy no benefit by all my friends, if God be my enemy: I need not fear the greatest enemies, if God be reconciled to me. I shall not miss the light of the Candle, if I have this blessed Sun. The Creature is nothing but what it is from God, and in God: And it is worth nothing, or good for nothing, but what it's worth in order unto God, as it declareth him, and helps the soul to know him, serve him, or draw nearer to him: As it is Idolatry in the unhappy worldling, to thirst after the Creature with the neglect of God, and so to make the world his God; so doth it savour of the same hainous sin to lament our loss of Creatures more than the displeasure of God. If God be my enemy, or I am fallen under his indignation, I have then so much greater matters to lament than the loss, or absence, or frowns of man, as should almost make me forget that there is such a thing as man to be regarded: But if God be my Father, and my friend in Christ, I have then so much to think of with delight, and to recreate and content my soul, as will proclaim it most incongruous and absurd to lament inordinately the absence of a worm, while I have his Love and presence who is All in All. If God cannot content me, and be not enough for me, how is he then my God? or how shall he be my Heaven and everlasting Happiness?
2. If God be with me, he is with me to whom I am absolutely devoted. I am wholly his, and have acknowledged his interest in me, and long ago disclaimed all usurpers, and repented of alienations, and unreservedly resigned my self to him: And where should I dwell but with him that is my owner, and with whom I have made the solemnest Covenant that ever I made? … never gave my self to any other, but in subordination to him, and with a salvo for his highest inviolable right. Where should my goods be but in my own house? with whom should a Servant dwell but with his Master? and a Wife but with her Husband? and Children but with their Father? I am nearlier related to my God and to my Saviour, than I am to any of my Relations in this world. I owe more to him than to all the world: I have renounced all the world, as they stand in any competition or comparison with him: And can I want their company then while I am with him? How shall I hate Father and Mother, and Wife and Children, and Brother and Sister for his sake, if I cannot spare them, or be without them to enjoy him? To hate them is but to use them as men do hated things, that is, to cast them away with contempt as they would al…enate me from Christ, and to cleave to him, and be satisfied in him alone. I am now married to Christ, and therefore must chearfully leave Father and Mother, and my native place, and all to cleave to him: And with whom should I now delight to dwell, but with him who hath taken me into so near relation, to be, as it were, one flesh with him! O my dear Lord, hide not thou thy face from an unkind an unworthy sinner! Let me but dwell with thee and see thy face, and feel the gracious embracements of thy Love, and then let me be cast off by all the world, if thou see it meetest for me; or let all other friends be where they will, so that my soul may be with thee: I have agreed for thy sake to forsake all, even the dearest that shall stand against thee; and I resolve by thy grace to stand to this agreement.
3. If God be with me I am not alone, for he is with me that Loveth me best.] The Love of all the friends on earth is nothing to his Love. O how plainly hath he declared that he loveth me, in the strange condescention, the sufferings, death, and intercession of his Son? What Love hath he declared in the communications of his Spirit, and the operations of his Grace, and the near relations into which he brought me? What Love hath he declared in in the course of his providences? in many and wonderful preservations and deliverances? in the conduct of his wisdome, and in a life of mercies? What Love appeareth in his precious promises, and the glorious provisions he hath made for me with himself to all eternity? O my Lord, I am ashamed that thy Love is so much lost; that it hath no better return from an unkind unthankful heart; that I am not more delighted in thee, and swallowed up in the contemplation of thy Love; I can contentedly let go the society and converse of all others, for the converse of some one bosome friend, that is dearer to me than they all, as Jonathan to David: And can I not much more be satisfied in thee alone, and let go all if I may continue with thee? My very Dog will gladly for sake all the Town, and all persons in the world, to follow me alone! And have I not yet found so much Love and Goodness in thee my dear and blessed God, as to be willing to converse alone with thee? All men delight most in the company of those that Love them best: They choose not to converse with the Multitude when they look for solace and content, but with their dearest friends: And should any be so dear to me as God? O were not thy Love unworthily neglected by an unthankful heart, I should never be so unsatisfied in thee, but should take up, or seek my comforts in thee: I should then say, Whom have I in Heaven but thee, and there is none on earth that I desire besides thee! Though not only my friends, but my flesh and heart themselves should fail me, it is thou that will still be the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever: it is good therefore for me to draw near to thee, how far soever I am from man: O let me there dwell where thou wilt not be strange, for thy loving kindness is better than life: instead of the multitude of my turmoiling thoughts, let me be taken up in the believing views of thy reconciled face, and in the glad attendance upon thy Grace: or at least in the multitude of my thoughts within me, let thy celestial comforts delight my soul. Let me dwell as in thy family; and when I awake, let me be still with thee! Let me go no whither but where I am still following thee: Let me do nothing but thy work, nor serve any other but when I may truly call it a serving thee: Let me hear nothing but thy voice, and let me know thy voice by whatever instrument thou shalt speak: Let me never see any thing but thy self and the glass that representeth thee, and the books in which I may read thy name: And let me never play with the outside, and gaze on words and letters as insignificant, and not observe thy name which is the sense. Whether it be in company or in solitude, let me be continually with thee, and do thou vouchsafe to hold me by my right hand: And guide me with thy counsel, and afterwards receive me unto thy glory, Psal. 73. 23, 24, 25, 26, 28. Psal. 63. 3.
4. If God be with me I am not alone; for I shall be with him whose Love is of greater use and benefit to me, than the Love of all my friends in the world. Their Love may perhaps be some little comfort, as it floweth from His: But it is His Love by which and upon which I Live. It is His Love that gives me Life and Time, and health and food, and preservation; that gives me books and giveth me understanding: that giveth me provision, and saveth me from turning it to pernicious fleshliness and excess; that giveth me even my friends themselves, and saveth me from that abuse which might make them to me worse than enemies. The Sun, the Earth, the Air is not so useful or needful to me as his Love. The Love of all my friends cannot make me well when I am sick: it cannot forgive the smallest of my sins; nor yet assure me of Gods forgiveness: it cannot heal the maladies of my soul, nor give a solid lasting peace to the conscience which is troubled: if all my friends stand about me when I am dying, they cannot take away the fears of death, nor secure my passage to everlasting life: Death will be Death still, and danger will be danger, when all my friends have done their best. But my Almighty friend is Allsufficient: He can prevent my sickness, or rebuke and cure it, or make it so good to me, that I shall thank him for it: He can blot out my transgressions, and forgive all my sin; and justifie me when the world and my conscience do condemn me: He can teach me to believe, to repent, to pray, to hope, to suffer, and to overcome: He can quiet my soul in the midst of trouble, and give me a well grounded everlasting peace, and a joy which no man can take from me. He can deliver me from all the corruptions and distempers of my froward heart; and ease me and secure me in the troublesome war which is daily managed in my breast. He can make it as easie a thing to dye, as to lye down and take my rest when I am weary, or to undress me at night and go to bed. He can teach Death to lay by its terrible aspect, and to speak with a mild and comfortable voice, and to bring me the joyfullest rydings that ever came unto my ears; and to preach to me the last and sweetest Sermon, even the same that our Saviour preached on the Cross [Luke 23. 43. Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with Christ in Paradise.]
And is this the difference between the Love of man and of God? And yet do I lament the loss of man! And yet am I so backward to converse with God, and to be satisfied in his Love alone! Ah my God, how justly mayest thou withhold that Love which I thus undervalue; and refuse that converse which I have first refused? and turn me over to man, to silly man, to sinful man, whose converse I so much desire, till I have learnt by dear experience the difference between man and God, and between an Earthly and an Heavenly friend! Alas, have I not tryed it oft enough, to have known it better before this day! Have I not oft enough sound what man is in a time of tryal! Have I not been told it over and over, and told it to the quick, by deceitful friends, by self-seeking friends, by mutable, erroneous, deceived, scandalous, backsliding friends, by proud and selfconceited friends; by passionate, quarrelsome, vexatious friends, by self-grieving troubled friends that have but brought me all their calamities and griefs to be additions to my own; by tempting friends, that have drawn me to sin more effectually than enemies; by tender, faithful, but unable friends, rhat have but fetcht fire from my calamities and sorrows to kindle their own, not equally sharing, but each one taking all my trouble entirely to himself: that have been willing, but insufficient to relieve me; and therefore the greater was their Love, the greater was their own, and consequently mine affliction: that would have been with me, but could not; that would fain have eased my pain, and strengthened my languishing body, but could not; that would fain have removed all my troubles, and comforted my cast-down mind, but could not. O how often have I found that humane friendship is a sweet desired addition to our woe; a beloved calamity, and an affliction which nature will not be without, not because it Loveth evil, nor because it is wholly deceived in its choice (for there is Good in friendship, and delight in holy Love) but because the Good which is here accompanied with so much evil, is the beginning of a more high and durable friendship, and pointeth us up to the blessed delightful society and converse which in the heavenly Jerusalem we shall have with Christ!
But O how much better have I found the friendship of the Allsufficient God! His Love hath not only pittied me, but relieved me: He hath not only been as it were afflicted with me in my afflictions, but he hath delivered me seasonably, and powerfully, and sweetly hath he delivered me: And when he had once told me that my afflictions were his own, I had no reason to doubt of a deliverance. My burdened mind hath been eased by his Love, which was but more burdened by the fruitless Love of all my friends. Oft have I come to man for help, and ease, and comfort, and gone away as from an empty Cistern, that had no water to cool my thirst; but God hath been a present help: Could I but get near him, I was sure of Light, how great soever was my former darkness: Could I but get near him, I was sure of warming quickning Life, how dead soever I had been before: But all my misery was that I could not get near him! My darkened estranged guilty soul, could not get quieting and satisfying acquaintance: My lumpish heart lay dead on earth, and would not stir, or quickly fell down again, if by any celestial force it began to be drawn up, and move a little towards him: My carnal mind was entangled in diverting vanities: And thus I have been kept from communion with my God. Kept! not by force or humane tyranny; not by bars or bolts, or distance of a place, or by the lowness of my condition; nor by any misrepresentations or reproach of man; but, alas, by my self, by the darkness and deadness, aad sluggishness, and earthliness, and fleshliness, and passions of a naughty heart. These have been my bars, and bolts, and jaylors; These are they that have kept me from my God: Had it not been for these I might have got nearer to him; I might have walkt with him, and dwelt with him; yea dwelt in him, and he in me: and then I should not have mist any friends, nor felt mine enemies: And is it my sinful distance from my God that hath been my loss, my wilderness, my woe! And is it a nearer admittance to the presence of his Love that must be my recovery and my joy, if ever I attain to joy! O then my soul, lay hold on Christ the Reconciler, and in him and by him draw near to God: and cease from man whose breath is in his nostrils: Love God in his Saints, and delightfully converse with Christ in them, while thou hast opportunity. But remember thou Livest not upon them, or on their Love, but upon God: and therefore desire their Company but for His: and if thou have His, be content if thou have not theirs. He wants not man that enjoyeth God. Gather up all the Love, and Thoughts, and Desires which have been scattered and lost upon the Creatures, and set them all on God himself, and press into his presence, and converse with him, and thou shalt find the mistake of thy present discontents, and sweet experience shall tell thee thou hast made a happy change.
5. If God be with me, I am not alone, because he is with me with whom my greatest business lyeth: And what company should I desire, but theirs with whom I have my daily necessary work to do? I have more to do with God, than with all the world: Yea more and greater business with him in one day, than with all the world in all my life. I have business with man about house, or lands, or food, or rayment, or labour, or journying, or recreations, about society and publick peace: But what are these to my business with God! Indeed w…h holy men I have holy business; but that is but as they are M…ssengers from God, and come to me on his business, and so they must be dearly welcome: But even then my business is much more with God then with them; with him that sent them, then with the Messenger. Indeed my business with God is so great, that if I had not a Mediatour to encourage and assist me, to do my work and procure me acceptance, the thoughts of it would overwhelm my soul.
O therefore my soul, let man stand by: It is the Eternal God that I have to do with: and with whom I am to transact in this little time the business of my endless life. I have to deal with God through Christ, for the pardon of my sins, of all my great and grievous sins; and wo to me if I speed not that ever I was born: I have some hopes of pardon, but intermixt with many perplexing fears: I have evidences much blotted, and not easily understood: I want assurance that he is indeed my Father and reconciled to me, and will receive me to himself when the world forsaketh me: I have many languishing graces to be strengthened; and alas, what radicated, obstinate, vexatious corruptions to be cu…ed! Can I look into my heart, into such an unbelieving, dead, and earthly heart, into such a proud, and peevish and disordered heart, into such a trembling, perplexed, self-accusing heart, and yet not understand how great my business is with God! Can I peruse my sins, or feel my wants, and sink under my weaknesses, and yet not discern how great my business is with God! Can I look back upon all the time that I have lost, and all the grace that I unthankfully resisted, and all the mercies that I trod under foot, or fool'd away, and can I look before me and see how near my time is to an end, and yet not understand how great my business is with God! Can I think of the malice and diligence of Satan, the number, power and subtilty of mine enemies, the many snares and dangers that are still before me, the strength and number of temptations, and my ignorance, unwatchfulness and weakness to resist, and yet not know that my greatest business is with God! Can I feel my afflictions and lament them, and think my burden greater then I can bear, and find that man cannot relieve me; can I go mourning in the heaviness of my soul, and water my bed with tears, and fill the air with my groans and lamentations, or feel my soul overwhelm'd within me, so that my words are intercepted, and I am readier to break then speak, and yet not perceive that my greatest business is with God? Can I think of dying? Can I draw near to judgement? Can I think of everlasting joyes in Heaven? and of everlasting pains in Hell, and yet not feel that my greatest business is with God? O then, my soul, the case is easily resolved, with whom it is that thou must most desirously and seriously converse. Where shouldst thou be but where thy business is, and so great business! Alas, what have I to do with man! what can it do but make my head ake, to hear a deal of sensless chat, about preferments, lands and dignities; about the words and thoughts of men, and a thousand toyes that are utterly impertinent to my great imployments, and signifie nothing but that the dreaming world is not awake! What pleasure is it to see the bussles of a Bedlam world? what a stir they make to prove or make themselves unhappy? How low and of how little weight, are the learned discourses about syllables and words, and names and notions, and mood and figure, yea or about the highest planets, when all are not referred unto God? Were it not that some converse with men, doth further my converse with God; and that God did transact much of his business by his messengers and servants, it were no matter whether ever I more saw the face of man: were it not that my Master hath placed me in society, and appointed me much of my work for others, and with others, and much of his mercy is conveyed by others, man might stand by, and solitude were better then the best society▪ and God alone should take me up. O nothing is so much my misery and shame, as that I am no more willing, nor better skilled in the management of my great important business! That my work is with God, and my heart is no more with him! O what might I do in holy meditation, or Prayer one hour, if I were as ready for prayer, and as good at prayer, as one that hath so long opportunity and so great necessity to converse with God, should be! A prayerless heart, a heart that flyeth away from God, is most unexcusable in such a one as I, that hath so much important business with him: It is work that must be done; and if well done, will never be repented of: I use not to return from the presence of God (when indeed I have drawn near him) as I do from the company of empty men, repenting that I have lost my time, and trembled that my mind is discomposed or depressed by the vanity and earthly savour of their discourse: I oft repent that I have prayed to him so coldly, and conversed with him so negligently, and served him so remisly; but I never repent of the time, the care, the affections or the diligence imployed in his holy work. Many a time I have repented that ever I spent so much time with man, and wisht I had never seen the faces of some that are eminent in the world, whose favour and converse others are ambitious of: But it is my grief and shame that so small a part of all my life, hath been spent with God; and that fervent prayer and heavenly contemplations, have been so seldom and so short. O that I had lived more with God, though I had been less with the dearest of my friends! How much more sweet then would my life have been! How much more blameless, regular and pure! How much more fruitful, and answerable to my obligations and professions! How much more comfortable to my review! How many falls, and hurts, and wounds, and griefs, and groans might I have escaped! O how much more pleasing is it now to my Rememberance, to think of the hours in which I have lain at the feet of God, though it were in tears and groans, than to think of the time which I have spent in any common converse with the greatest, or the learnedest, or the dearest of my acquaintance!
And as my Greatest business is with God, so my daily business is also with him: He purposely leaveth me under wants, and suffers necessities daily to return, and enemies to assault me, and affliction to surprize me, that I may be daily driven to him: He loveth to hear from me: He would have me be no stranger with him: I have business with him every hour, I need not want employment for all the faculties of my soul, if I know what it is to converse in Heaven. Even prayer, and every holy thought of God, hath an Object so great and excellent, as should wholly take me up. Nothing must he thought or spoken lightly about the Lord. His name must not be taken in vain: Nothing that is common beseemeth his worshippers. He will be sanctified of all that shall draw near him: He must be Loved with all the Heart and Might. His servants need not be wearied for want of employment, nor through the lightness or unprofitableness of their employment: If I had Cities to build, or Kingdoms to govern, I might better complain for want of employment for the faculties of my soul, than I can when I am to converse in Heaven. In other studies the delight abateth when I have reached my desire, and know all that I can know: But in God there is infinitely more to be known when I know the most. I am never satiated with the easiness of knowing, nor are my desires abated by any unusefulness or unworthiness in the Object; but I am drawn to it by its highest excellencies, and drawn on to desire more and more by the infiniteness of the Light which I have not yet beheld, and the infiniteness of the Good which yet I have not enjoyed. If I be idle, or seem to want employment, when I am to contemplate all the Artributes, relations, mercies, works, and revealed perfections of the Lord, its sure for want of eyes to see, or a Heart enclined to my business: if God be not enough to employ my soul, then all the persons and things on earth are not enough.
And when I have Infinite Goodness to delight in, where my soul may freely let out it self, and never need to fear excess of Love, how sweet should this employment be? As Knowledge, so Love is never stinted here, by the narrowness of the Object: We can never Love him in any proportion either to his Goodness and amiableness in himself, or to his Love to us. What need have I then of any other company or business, when I have infinite Goodness to delight in, and to Love (further than they subserve this greatest work?)
Come home then, O my soul, to God: Converse in Heaven: Turn away thine eyes from beholding vanity: Let not thy affections kindle upon straw or bryars, that go out when they have made a flash or noise, and leave thee to thy cold and darkness: But come and dwell upon celestial beauties, and make it thy daily and most diligent work, to kindle thy affections on the infinite everlasting Good; and then they will never be extinguished or decay for want of fewel; but the further they go, and the longer they burn, the greater will be the flame. Though thou find it hard while Love is but a spark to make it burn, and complain that thy cold and backward heart is hardly warmed with the Love of God, yet when the whole pile hath taken fire, and the flame ascendeth, fire will breed fire, Love will cause Love; and all the malice of Hell it self shall never be able to suppress or quench it unto all eternity.
6. And it is a great encouragement to my converse with God, that no misunderstanding, no malice of enemies, no former sin or present frailty, no nor the infinite distance of the most Holy Glorious God, can hinder my access to him, or turn away his Ear or Love, or interrupt my leave and liberty of converse. If I converse with the poor, their wants afflict me, being greater than I can supply: Their complaints and expectations which I cannot satisfie, are my trouble. If I would converse with Great ones, it is not easie to get access: and less easie to have their favout, unless I would purchase it at too dear a rate: How strangely and contemptuously do they look at their inferiours! Great friends must be made for a word or smile: And if you be not quickly gone, they are aweary of you: And if you seek any thing of them, or would put them to any cost or trouble, you are as welcome to them as so many vermine or noisome creatures. They please them best that drive you away. With how much labour and difficulty must you clime, if you will see the top of one of these mountains? And when you are there, you are but in a place of barrenness, and have nothing to satisfie you for your pains, but a larger prospect and vertiginous despect of the lower grounds which are not your own: it is seldome that these Great ones are to be spoken with: And perhaps their speech is but a denyal of your requests, if not some snappish and contemptuous rejection, that makes you glad when you are got far enough from them, and makes you the better like and love the accessible, calm and fruitful plains.
But O how much greater encouragements hath my soul to converse with God! Company never hindereth him from hearkening to my suit: He is infinite and Omnipotent, and as sufficient for every individual soul, as if he had no other to look after in the world: when he is taken up with the attendance and praises of his Heavenly Host, he is as free and ready to attend and answer the groans and prayers of a contrite soul, as if he had no nobler creatures, nor no higher service to regard. I am oft unready, but God is never unready: I am unready to pray, but he is not unready to hear: I am unready to come to God, to walk with him, and to solace my soul with him; but he is never unready to entertain me. Many a time my conscience would have driven me away, when he hath called me to him, and rebuked my accusing fearful conscience. Many a time I have called my self a prodigal, a companion of Swine, a miserable hard-hearted sinner, unworthy to be called his Son, when he hath called me Child, and chid me for my questioning his Love. He hath readify forgiven the sins which I thought would have made my soul the fuel of Hell: He hath entertained me with joy, with musick and a feast, when I better deserved to have been among the Dogs without his doors. He hath embraced me in his sustaining consolatory arms, when he might have spurned my guilty soul to Hell, and said, Depart from me thou worker of iniquity, I know thee not. O little did I think that he could ever have forgotten the vanity and villany of my youth; yea so easily have forgotten my most aggravated sins. When I had sinned against light; when I had resisted conscience; when I had frequently and wilfully injured Love, I thought he would never have forgotten it: But the greatness of his Love and Mercy, and the blood and intercession of his Son, hath cancelled all. O how many mercies have I tasted since I thought I had sinned away all mercies! How patiently hath he born with me, since I thought he would never have put up more? And yet besides my sins and the withdrawings of my own heart, there hath been nothing to interrupt our converse. Though he be God, and I a worm, yet that would not have kept me out: Though he be in Heaven, yet he is near to succour me on Earth, in all that I call upon him for: Though he have the Praise of Angels, he disdaineth not my tears and groans: Though he have the perfect Love of perfect soul…, he knoweth the little spark in my breast, and despiseth not my weak and languid Love: Though I injure and dishonour him by Loving him no more; though I oft forget him, and have been out of the way when he he hath come or called me; though I have disobediently turned away mine ears, and unkindly refused the entertainments of his Love, and unfaithfully plaid with those whose company he forbad me, he hath not divorced me, nor turned me out of doors. O wonderful! that Heaven will be familiar with Earth! and God with man! the Highest with a worm! and the most Holy with an unconstant sinner! Man refuseth me, when God will entertaine me: Man, that is no wiser or better than my self. Those that I never wronged or deserved ill of, reject me with reproach: And God whom I have unspeakably injured doth invite me, and intreat me, and condescendeth to me, as if he were beholden to me to be saved: Men that I have deserved well of, do abhorre me: And God that I have deserved Hell of, doth accept me. The best of them are bryars, and as a thorny hedge, and he is Love, and Rest, and Joy: And yet I can be more welcome to him, though I have offended him, than I can to them whom I have obliged: I have freer leave to cast my self into my Fathers arms, than to tumble in those bryars, or wallow in the dirt. I upbraid my self with my sins, but he doth not upbraid me with them. I condemn my self for them, but he condemns me not: He forgiveth me sooner than I can forgive my self: I have peace with him, before I can have peace of conscience.
O therefore my soul, draw near to him that is so willing of thy company! That frowneth thee not away, unless it be when thou hast fallen into the dirt, that thou mayest wash thee from thy filthiness, and be fitter for his converse. Draw near to him that will not wrong thee, by believing misreports of enemies, or laying to thy charge the things thou knewest not: but will forgive the wrongs thou hast done to him, and justifie thee from the sins that conscience layeth to thy charge. Come to him that by his Word and Spirit, his Ministers and Mercies calleth thee to come; and hath promised that those that come to him he will in no wise shut out. O walk with him that will bear thee up, and lead thee as by the right hand (Psal. 73. 23.) and carry his Infants when they cannot go! O speak to him that teacheth thee to speak, and understandeth and accepts thy stammering; and helpeth thine infirmities when thou knowest not what to pray for as thou oughtest; and giveth thee groans when thou hast not words, and knoweth the meaning of his spirit in thy groans: that cannot be contained in the Heaven of Heavens, and yet hath respect to the contrite soul, that trembleth at his word, and feareth his displeasure: that pittieth the tears, and despiseth not the sighing of a broken heart, nor the desires of the sorrowful. O walk with him that is never weary of the converse of an upright soul! that is never angry with thee but for flying from him, or for drawing back, or being too strange, and refusing the kindness and felicity of his presence. The day is coming when the proudest of the sons of men would be glad of a good look from him that thou hast leave to walk with: Even they that would not look on thee, and they that injured and abused thee, and they that inferiours could have no access to, O how glad would they be then of a smile, or a word of hope and mercy from thy Father! Draw near then to him, on whom the whole Creation doth depend; whose favour at last the proudest and the worst would purchase with the loudest cryes, when all their pomp and pleasure is gone, and can purchase nothing. O walk with him that is Love it self, and think him not unwilling or unlovely; and let not the deceiver by hideous misrepresentations drive thee from him: when thou hast felt a while the storms abroad, methinks thou shouldest say, How go…d, how safe, how sweet is it to draw near to God!
1. With whom should I so desirously converse, as with him whom I must Live with for ever? If I take pleasure in my house, or land, or country, my walks, my books, or friends themselves as clothed with flesh, I must possess this pleasure but a little while; Henceforth know we no man after the flesh: Had we known Christ himself after the flesh, we must know him so no more for ever. (Though his Glorified spiritual Body we shall know.) Do you converse with Father or Mother? with Wives or Children? with Pastors and Teachers? Though you may converse with these as Glorified Saints▪ when you come to Christ, yet in these Relations that they stand in to you now, you shall converse with them but a little while: For the Time is short: It remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep as though they wept not; and they that rejoyce as though they rejoyced not; and they that buy as though they possessed not; and they that use this world, as not abusing it (or as though they used it not:) for the fashion of this world doth pass away.] 1 Cor. 7. 29, 30, 31.
Why then should I so much regard, a converse of so short continuance? why should I be so familiar in my Inne, and so in love wi…h that familiarity, as to grieve when I must but think of leaving it, or talk of going home, and look forward to the place where I must dwell for ever? shall I be fond of the company of a passenger that I travel with (yea perhaps one that doth but meet me in the way, and goeth to a contrary place) and shall I not take more pleasure to remember home? I will not be so uncivil as to deny those I meet a short salute, or to be friendly with my fellow-travellers: But remember O my soul, that thou dost not dwell but travel here, and that it is thy Fathers house where thou must abide for ever: yea and he is nearer thee than man (though invisible) even in thy way. O see him then that is invisible: Hearken to him when he speaketh: Obey his voice: Observe his way: Speak to him boldly, though humbly and reverently, as his child, about the great concernments of thy State: Tell him what it is that aileth thee: And seeing all thy smart is the fruit of thy own sin, confess thy folly and unkindness, crave his forgiveness, and remember him what his Son hath suffered, and for what: Treat with him about thy future course: Desire his Grace, and give up thy self to his conduct and his cure: Weep over in his ears the history of thy misdoings and unthankful course: Tell it him with penitential tears and groans: But tell him also the advantage that he hath for the honouring of his grace, if it may now abound where sin aboundeth: Tell him that thou art most offended with thy self, for that which he is most offended with: That thou art angry with thy disobedient unthankful heart: that thou art even aweary of that heart that loveth him no more: and that it shall never please thee, till it love him better and be more desirous to please him: Tell him of thy enemies, and crave the protection of his love: Tell him of thy frailties, infirmities and passions, and crave not only his tender forbearance, but his help: Tell him that without him thou canst do nothing; and crave the Grace that is sufficient for thee, that through him that strenghteneth thee thou maist do all things: when thou fallest, despair not, but crave his helping hand to raise thee. Speak to him especially of the everlasting things, and thank him for his Promises, and for thy hopes: for what thou shalt be and have and do among his Holy Ones for ever. Express thy joyes in the promise of those joyes; that thou must see his Glory, and love him and praise him better then thou canst now desire! Begin those praises, and as thou walkest with him, take pleasure in the mention of his perfections; be thankful to him and speak good of his Name: Solace thy self in remembring what a God, what a desence and portion all believers have: and in considering whither he is now conducting thee, and what he will do with thee, and what use he will make of thee for ever: Speak with Rejoycing of the glory of his works, and the righteousness of his judgements, and the holiness and evenness of his wayes: sing forth his praises with a joyful heart, and pleasant and triumphing voice; and frown away all slavish fears, all importune malicious suggestions or doubts, all peevish hurtfull nipping griefs, that would mar or interrupt the melody; and would untune or unstring a raised well composed soul. Thy Father loveth thy very moans and tears: but how much more doth he love thy Thanks and Praise? Or if indeed it be a winter time, a stormy day with thee, and he seem to chide or hide his face because thou hast offended him, let the cloud that is gathered by thy folly come down in tears, and tell him▪ Thou hast sinned against Heaven and before him, and art no more worthy to be called his Son; but yet fly not from him, but beg his pardon and the priviledges of a servant: And thou wilt find embracements, when thou fearest condemnation: and find that he is merciful and ready to forgive: Only return, and keep closer to him for the time to come. If the breach through thy neglect be gone so far, as that thou seemest to have lost thy God, and to be cast off, and left forsaken; despair not yet; for he doth but hide his face till thou repent: He doth not forsake thee, but only tell thee what it is to walk so carelesly as if thou wouldst forsake him: Thou art faster and surer in his Love and Covenant then thou canst believe or apprehend. Thy Lord was as dear as ever to his Father, when he cryed out, My God, why hast thou forsaken me. But yet neglect him not, and be not regardless of his withdrawings and of thy loss: Lift up thy voyce and cry but [Father;] in despight of unbelief, cry out [My Father, my Saviour, my God] and thou shalt hear him answer thee at last [My Child:] Cry out [O why dost thou hide thy face? and why hast thou forsaken me! O what shall I do here without thee! O leave me not, lose me not in this howling wilderness! Let me not be a prey to any ravening beast! to my sin, to Satan, to my foes and thine!] Lift up thy voyce and weep, and tell him, they are the tears and lamentations of his Child: O beg of him, that thy wanderings and childish folly, may not be taken as acts of enmity, or at least that they may be pardoned; and though he correct thee, that he will return and not forsake thee, but still take thee and use thee as his child. Or if thou hast not words to pour out before him, at least smite upon thy breast, and though thou be ashamed or afraid to look up toward heaven, look down and say, [O Lord be merciful to me a sinner,] and he will take it for an acceptable suit, that tendeth to thy pardon and justification, and will number such a sentence with the prayers which he cannot deny. Or if thou cry and canst not hear of him, and hast long called out upon thy Fathers Name, and hearest not his voyce and hast no return; enquire after him of those thou meetest: Ask for him of them that know him and are acquainted with his way! Make thy moan unto the watchmen; and ask them, where thou maist find thy Lord. And at last he will appear to thee, and find thee first that thou maist find him, and shew thee where it was that thou didst lose him, by losing thy self and turning from him I seek him and thou shalt find him: wait and he will appear in kindness: For he never faileth or forsaketh those that wait upon him.
This kind of Converse, O my soul, thou hast to prosecute with thy God. Thou hast also the concernments of all his servants; his afflicted ones, his broken hearted ones, his diseased enes, his persecuted ones, to tell him of: Tell him also of the concernments of his Kingdome, the fury of his enemies, the dishonour they cast upon his Name, the matters of his Gospel, cause and interest in the world: But still let his Righteous Judgement be remembered, and all be terminated in the glorious everlasting Kingdom.
Is it not much better thus to converse with him that I must be with for ever, about the place, and the company, and work, and concernments of my perpetual abode, then to be taken up with strangers in my way, and detained by their impertinencies?
I have form'd my self so long in these meditations, that I will but name the rest and tell you what I had further to have treated on, and leave the enlargement to your own meditations.
8. I have no reason to be weary of converse with God, seeing it is that for which all humane converse is regardable. Converse with man is only so far desirable as it tendeth to our Converse with God: And therefore the end must be preferred before the means.
9. It is the office of Christ, and the work of the Holy Ghost, and the use of all the means of Grace, and of all creatures, mercies and afflictions, to reduce our straying souls to God, that we may converse with him and enjoy him.
10. Converse with God is most suitable to those that are so near to death; It best prepareth for it: It is likest to the work that we are next to do. We had rather when death comes, be found conversing with God then with Man: It is God that a dying man hath principally to do with: It is his judgement that he is going to; and his mercy that he hath to trust upon: And therefore it concerneth us to draw near him now, and be no strangers to him, lest strangeness then should be our terrour.
11. How wonderful a condescension is it that God should be willing to converse with me! with such a worm and sinful wretch: And therefore how unexcusable is my crime, if I refuse his company, and so great a mercy!
12. Lastly, Heaven it self is but our Converse with God and his Glorified ones, (though in a more perfect manner then we can here conceive.) And therefore our holy converse with him here is the state that is likest Heaven, and that prepareth for it, and all the Heaven that is on earth.