The Christians Converse with God, Text (2 of 2)
3. And as God is with us thus Relatively and Efficiently, so also Objectively for our holy converse. Wherever our Friends are, God is still at hand to be the most profitable, honourable and delightful Object of our thoughts. There is enough in him to take up all the faculties of my soul. He that is but in a well furnished Library, may find great and excellent employment for his Thoughts many years together: And so may he that liveth in the open World, and hath all the visible Works of God to meditate upon: But all this were nothing, if God were not the sense of Books and Creatures, and the matter of all these noble Studies: He that is alone, and hath only God himself to study, hath the matter and sense of all the Books and Creatures in the World, to employ his thoughts upon. He never need to want matter for his meditation, that hath God to meditate on. He need not want matter of Discourse (whether mental or vocal) that hath God to talk of, though he have not the name of any other Friend to mention. All our Affections may have in him the highest and most pleasant work. The Soul of Man cannot have a more sweet and excellent work than to love him: He wanteth neither work nor pleasure, that in his solitude is taken up in the believing contemplations of Eternal Love, and of all his blessed Attributes and Works. O then what happy and delightful converse may a Believer have with God alone! He is always present, and always at leisure to be spoken with; and always willing of our access and audience: He hath no interest Cross to our felicity, which should move him to reject us (as worldly great ones often have▪) He never misunderstandeth us, nor chargeth that upon us which we were never guilty of: If we converse with Men, their Mistakes, and Interests, and Passions, and Insufficiencies, do make the trouble so great, and the benefit so small, that many have become thereby aweary of the World, or of human Society, and have spent the rest of their days alone in desert places. Indeed, so much of God as appears in Men, so much is their converse excellent and delightful; and theirs is the best that have most of God. But there is so much of vanity, and self▪ and flesh, and sin in the most or all of of us, as very much darkneth our Light, and dampeth the pleasure, and blasteth the fruit of our Societies and Converse. O how oft have I been solaced in God, when I found nothing but deceit and darkness in the World! How oft hath he comforted me, when it was past the power of Man! How oft hath he relieved and delivered me, when all the help of Man was vain! It hath been my Stay and Rest, to look to him, when the Creature hath been a broken Staff, and deceitful Friend… have been but as a broken Tooth, or a Foot that is out of Joint (as Solomon speaketh of confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble, Prov. 25.29.) Verily, as the World were but an horrid Dungeon without the Sun, so it were a howling wilderness, a place of no considerable Employment or Delight, were it not that in it we may live to God and do him Service, and sometime be refreshed with the light of his countenance, and the communications of his love. But of this more ano….
Vse 1. WE see our Example, and our Encouragements. Let us now as followers of Christ, endeavour to imitate him in this, and to Live upon God, when men forsake us, and to know that while God is with us, we are not alone, nor indeed forsaken while he forsakes us not.
I shall, 1. Shew you here Negatively, what you must not do. 2. Affirmatively, what you must do; for the performance of your duty in this imitation of Christ.
1. You must not make this any pretence for the undervaluing of your useful Friends; nor for your unthankfulness for so great a Benefit as a Godly Friend: nor for the neglect of your Duty in improving the Company and help of Friends: Two is better then one: The communion of Saints, and help of those that are wise and faithful, is a mercy highly to be esteemed. And the undervaluing of it, is at least a sign of a declining Soul.
2. You must not hence fetch any pretence to slight your Friends, and disoblige them, or neglect any duty that you owe them, or any means therein necessary to the continuation of their Friendship.
3. You must not causelesly withdraw from humane society into Solitude. A weariness of converse with Men, is oft conjunct with a weariness of our Duty: And a retiring voluntarily into Solitude, when God doth not call or drive us thither, is oft but a retiring from the place and work which God hath appointed us: And consequently a retiring rather from God, than to God. Like some idle Servants, that think they should not work so hard, because it is but Worldly business, and think their Masters deal not Religiously by them, unless they let them neglect their labour, that they may spend more time in serving God: as if it were no serving God to be faithful in their Masters Service.
I deny not but very holy persons have lived in a state of retirement from humane converse: In such cases as these it may become a Duty, 1. In case of such persecution as at present leaveth us no opportunity of serving or honouring God so much in any other place or state.
2 In case that natural infirmity, or disability, or any other accident shall make one less serviceable to God and his Church in Society than he is in solitude.
3. In case he hath committed a sin so heinous and of indelible scandal and reproach, as that it is not fit for the Servants of Christ any more to receive him into their local Communion, though he repent: (For as to Local Communion, I think, such a case may be.)
4. In case a man through custom and ill company be so captivated to some fleshly Lust, as that he is not able to bear the temptations that are found in humane converse; but falleth by them into frequent heinous sinning: In this case the right hand or eye is rather to be parted with, than their Salvation. And though a meer restraint by distance of temptations and opportunities of sinning, will not prove a man sanctified, nor save the soul that loveth the sin and fain would live in it; Yet, 1. Grace may sometime appear in the strength and self denyal which is exercised in the very avoiding of temptations, when yet perhaps the person hath not strength enough to have stood against the temptation if it had not been avoided. And 2. The distance of temptations, & opportunity of serious and frequent consideration, may be a mean… to help to sincerity that want it.
5. In case a man by age or sickness find himself so near to death, as that he hath now a more special call to look after his present actual preparation, than to endeavour any more the good of others; and find withall, that solitude will help him in his preparations, his Society being such as would but hinder him. In these five cases I suppose it lawful to retire from humane converse into solitude.
But when there is no such necessity or call, it usually proceedeth from one of these vicious distempers: 1. From Cowardize and fear of suffering, when the souldiers of Christ do hide their heads, instead of confessing him before men.
2. From a laziness of mind and weariness of duty: when slothful unprofitable servants hide their talents, pretending their fear of the austerity of their Lord. Its easier to run away from our work, then do it: and to go out of the reach of ignorance, malice, contradiction and ungodliness, than to encounter them, and conquer them by Truth and Holy lives. So many persons as we converse with, so many are there to whom we owe some duty: And this is not so easie as it is to over run our work, and to hide our selves in some Wilderness or Cell, whilst others are fighting the Battels of the Lord. 3. Or it may proceed from meer impatience: When men cannot bear the frown, and scorns, and violence of the ungodly, they fly from sufferings, which by patience they should overcome. 4. Or it may come from humour and mutability of mind, and discontent with ones condition: Many retire from humane converse to please a discontented passionate mind; or expecting to find that privacy, which in publick they could not find, nor is any where to be found on Earth. 5. And some do it in Melancholy, meerly to please a sick imagination, which is vexed in company, and a little easeth it self in living as the possessed man among the Tombs. 6. And somtimes it proceedeth from self ignorance, and an unhumbled state of a Soul: When men think much better of themselves than others, they think they can more comfortably converse with themselves than with others: Whereas if they well understood that they are the worst or greatest enemies, or troubles to themselves, they would more fear their own Company than other mens: They would then consider what proud, and fleshly, and worldly, and selfish, and disordered hearts they are like to carry with them into their solitude, and there to be annoyed with from day to day: And that the nearest enemy is the worst, and the nearest trouble is the greatest.
These vices or infirmities carry many into solitude; and if they live where Popish vanity may seduce them, they will perhaps imagine, that they are serving God, and entring in perfection, when they are but sinfully obeying their corruptions: and that they are advanced above others in degrees of grace, while they are pleasing a diseased fancy, and entring into a dangerous course of sin. No doubt but the duties of a publick life are more in number, and greater in weight, and of more excellent consequence and tendency (even to the most publick good, and greatest honour of God) than the duties of privacy or retirement. Vir bonus est commune bonum: A good man is a common good. And (saith Seneca) Nulla essent communia nisi pars illorum pertineret ad singulos] If every one have not some share or interest in them, how are they common? Let me add these few Cons…derations, to shew you the evil of voluntary unnecessary Solitude.
1. You less contribute to the honour of your Redeemer, and less promote his Kingdom in the world, and less subserve his death and office, while you do good but to few, and live but almost to your selves.
2. You live in the poorest exercise of the grace of Charity; and therefore in a low undesirable condition.
3. You will want the communion of Saints, and benefit of publick ordinances (for I account not a Colledge life a Solitary life.) And you will want the help of the Charity, Graces and Gifts of others, by which you might be benefited.
4. It will be a life of smaller comfort, as it is a life of smaller benefit to others. They that do but little good (according to their ability) must expect but little comfort. They have usually most peace and comfort to themselves, that are the most profitable to others. [Non potest quisquam bene degere qui se tantum intuetur: Alteri vivas oportet, si tibi vis vivere: Sen.] No man can live well, that looketh but to himself: Thou must live to another, if thou wilt live to thy self.]
O the delight that there is in doing good to many! None knoweth it that hath not tryed it: Not upon any account of Merit; but as it Pleaseth God, and as Goodness it self is amiable and sweet; and as we receive by communicating; and as we are under promise; and as Charity makes all the good that's done to another to be to us as our own!
5. We are dark and partial, and heedless of our selves, and hardly brought or kept in acquaintance with our hearts; and therefore have the more need of the eye of others: And even an enemies eye may be useful, though malicious; and may do us good while he intends us evil, saith Bernard [Malum quod nemo videt nemo arguit: Vbi autem non timetur reprehensor, securus accedit tenat…r; licentius perpetratur iniquitas] [The evil that none seeth, none reproveth: and where the reprover is not feared, the temper cometh more boldly, and the sin is committed the more licentiously.] It's hard to know the spots in our own faces, when we have no glass or beholder to accquaint us with them. Saith Chrysostom' [Solitude is velamen omnium vitiorum] the cover of all vices] In company this cover is laid aside, and vice being more naked, is more ashamed. It is beholders that cause shame; which Solitude is not acquainted with: And it's a piece of impenitency not to be shamed of sin.
6. And we are for the most part so weak and sickly, that we are unable to subsist without the help of others. Sen. Nemo est ex imprudentibus qui relinqui sibi debet] unwise men (or infants, or sick-like men) must not be left to themselves.] And God hath let some impotency, insufficiency and necessity upon all that should keep men sociable, & make them acknowledge their need of others, and be thankful for assistance from them, and be ready to do good to others, as we would have others do to us. He that feeleth not the need of others, is so unhumb…ed as to have the greater need of them.
7. Pride will have great advantage in private, and Repentance great disadvantage, while our sins seem to be all dead, because there is not a temptation to draw them out, or an observer to reprove them. [Tam diu patiens quisque sibi videtur & humi…is, donec nullius hominum consortio commiscetur; ad naturam pristinam reversurus quum interpellaverit cujuslibet occasionis commotio, inquit Cassianus] Many a man seems to himself patient and humble, while he keeps out of company? who would return to his own nature if the commotion of any occasion did but provoke him.] It's hard to know what sin or grace is in us▪ if we have not such tryals as are not to be found in Solitude.
8. Flying from the observation and judgment of others, is a kind of self-accusation; as if we confest our selves so bad as that we cannot stand the tryal of the Light.] Bona conscientia turbam advocat: Mala in solitudine anxia est & sollicita: si honesta sunt que facis omnes sciant: siturpia, quid refert neminem scire: cum tu scias! O te miserum si contemnis hunc testem: inquit Seneca.] That is [A good conscience will call in the croud (or witnesses, not caring who seeth:) A bad conscience is anxious and sollicitous even in solitude: If they be things honest which thou doest, let all men know: If the be dishonest, what good doth it thee that no man else knoweth it, when thou knowest it thy self! O miserable man if thou dispise this witness!] Something is suspected to be amiss with those that are always in their Chambers, and are never seen. Tell not men that you cannot bear the light: It is he that doeth evil that hateth the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
9. Solitude is too like to Death, to be desirable: He liveth that doth good; and he is dead that is useless. [Vivit is qui multis usu… est: Vivit is qui sentitur: qui vero latitant & torpent, mortem suam antecesserint, inquit Sen.] [He liveth that is profitable to many: He liveth that is observed or perceived: but they that lye hid and drowsie do anticipate their death.] And it is the most culpable death, and therefore the worst, to have Life, and not to use it.
10. A life of holy Communion is likest unto Heaven, where none shall be solitary, but all as members of the Heavenly Ierusalem, shall in harmony Love and Praise their Maker.
These Reasons seem to me sufficient to satifie you that no man should choose a Solitude without a special necessity or call: nor yet should it be taken for a life of greater perfection, then a faithful serving of God …n publick, and doing good to more.
I Shall now come to the Affirmative, and tell you for all this, that [If God call us into Solitude, or men forsake us, we may rejoice in this, that we are not alone, but the Father is with us.] Fear not such Solitude, but be ready to improve it, if you be cast upon it. If God be your God, reconciled to you in Christ, and his Spirit be in you, you are provided for Solitude, and need not fear if all the World should cast you off. If you be banished, imprisoned, or left alone, it is but a Relaxation from your greatest labours; which though you may not cast off your selves, you may lawfully be sensible of your ease, if God take off your Burden. It is but a cessation from your sharpest conflicts, and removal from a multitude of great Temptations. And though you may not cowardly retreat or shift your selves from the Fight and danger, yet if God will dispense with you, and let you live in greater peace and safety, you have no cause to murmur at his dealing. A Fruit Tree that groweth by the high-way side, doth seldom keep its fruit to ripeness, while so many Passengers have each his stone or Cudgel to cast at it: Seneca could say [Nunquam a turba mores quos extuli refero: Aliquid ex eo quod composu… turbatur; aliquid ex his quae fugavi redit: Inimica est multorum conversatio] I never bring home well from a Crowd the manners which I took out with me: Something is disordered of that which I had set in order: Something of that which I had banished doth return: The conversation of many I find an enemy to me.] O how many vain and foolish words corrupt the minds of those that converse with an ungodly World, when your Ears and Minds who live in Solitude, are free from such Temptations! You live not in so corrupt an Air as they: You hear not the filthy ribbald Speeches, which fight against modesty and chastity, and are the bellows of Lust: You hear not the discontented complaining words of the impatient; nor the passionate provoking words of the offended; nor the wrangling quarrelsom words of the contentious; nor the censorious, or slanderous, or reproachful words of the malicious, who think it their interest to have their Brethren taken to be bad, and to have others hate them, because they them selves hate them; and who are as zealous to quench the Charity of others, when it is destroyed in themselves, as holy persons are zealous to provoke others to Love, which dwe…eth and ruleth in themselves. In your Solitude with God, you shall not hear the lyes and malicious revilings of the ungodly against the generation of the just: Nor the subtile cheating words of Hereticks, who being themselves deceived, would deceive others of their Faith, and corrupt their lives. You shall not there be distracted with the noise and clamours of contending uncharitable professors of Religion, endeavouring to make odious first the Opinions, and then the persons of one another: one saying, here is the Church, and another, there is the Church: One saying, This is the true Church Government, and another saying Nay, but that is it: One saying, God will be worshipped thus, and another, not so, but thus or thus: You shall not there be drawn to side with one against another, nor to joyn with any faction, or be guilty of divisions: You shall not be troubled with the Oaths and Blasphemies of the wicked, nor with the imprudent miscarriages of the Weak; with the Persecutions of Enemies, or the falling out of Friends. You shall not see the cruelty of proud Oppressors, that set up lyes by armed violence, and care not what they say or do, nor how much other men are injured or suffer, so that themselves may tyrannize, and their wills and words may rule the World, when they do so unhappily rule themselves. In your solitude with God, you shall not see the prosperity of the wicked to move you to envy, nor the adversity of the just to be your grief: You shall see no Worldly pomp and splendor to be fool you; nor adorned beauty to entice you, nor wasting calamities to afflict you: You shall not hear the laughter of Fools, nor the sick mans groans, nor the wronged mans Complaints, nor the poor mans murmurings, nor the proud mans boastings, nor the angry mans abusive ragings. As you lose the help of your gracious friends, so you are freed from the fruits of their peevishness and passions; of their differing opinion and ways and tempers; of their inequality, unsuitableness, and contrariety of minds or interests; of their levity and unconstancy, and the powerful temptations of their friendship, to draw you to the errors or other sins which they are tainted with themselves. In a word, you are there half delivered from the VANITY and VEXATION of the world; and were it not that you are yet undelivered from your selves, and that you take distempered corrupted hearts with you, O what a felicity would your solitude be! But, alas, we cannot overrun our own diseases, we must carry with us the remnants of our corrupted nature; our deadness, and dulness, our selfishness and earthly minds, our impatience and discontents; and worst of all▪ our lamentable weakness of faith and love and heavenly mindedness, and our strangeness to God, and backwardness to the matters of eternal life. O that I could escape these, though I were in the hands of the cruellest enemies! O that such a heart could be left behind! How gladly would I overrun both house, and land, and honour, and all sensual delights, that I might but overrun it! O where is the place where there is none of this darkness, nor disaffection, nor distance, nor estrangedness from God! O that I knew it! O that I could find it! O that I might there dwell! though I should never more see the face of mortals; nor ever hear a human Voice, nor ever taste of the delights of flesh! Alas, foolish Soul: such a place there is, that hath all this, and more than this▪ But it is not in a Wilderness, but in Paradise, not here on Earth, but above with Christ! And yet am I so loath to die? yet am I no more desirous of the blessed day, when I shall b… uncloathed of flesh and sin? O death, what an Enemy art thou even to my Soul▪ By affrighting me from the presence of my Lord, and hindring my desires and willingness to be gone, thou wrongest me much more, than by laying my flesh to rot in darkness. Fain I would know God, and fain I would more love him and enjoy him: But O this hurtful love of life! O this unreasonable fear of dying, detaineth my desires from pressing on to the happy place where all this may be had! O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death! this carnal unbelieving heart, that sometime can think more delightfully of a Wilderness then of Heaven; that can go seek after God in desert solitude, among the Birds and Beasts and Trees, and yet is so backward to be loosed from flesh that I may find him and enjoy him in the World of glory: Can I expect that Heaven come down to Earth! and that the Lord of glory should remove his Court, and either leave the retinue of his Celestial Courtiers, or bring them all down into this drosly World of flesh and sin, and this to satisfie my fleshly foolish mind! Or can I expect the translation of Henoch or the Chariot of Elias? Is it not enough that my Lord hath conquered Death, and sanctifyed the passage, and prepared the place of my perpetual abode.
Well! for all this, though a Wilderness is not Heaven, it shall be sweet and welcom for the sake of Heaven, if thence I may but have a clearer prospect of it: and if by retiring from the crowd and noise of Folly, I may but be more composed and better disposed to converse above, and to use my Faith (alas, my too weak languid Faith) until the beatifical Vision and Fruition come. If there may be but more of God, or readier access to him, or more heart quickning flames of Love, or more heart-comforting intimations of his Favour, in a wilderness than in a City, in a Prison than in a Palace; let that Wilderness be my City, and let that Prison be my Palace, while I must abide on Earth. If in solitude I may have Henochs walk with God, I shall in due season have such a translation as shall bring me to the same felicity which he enjoyeth: And in the mean time as well as after, it is no incommodity, if by mortal eyes I be seen no more. If the Chariot of contemplation will in solitude raise me to more believing affectionate converse with Heaven, than I could expect in Tumults and Temptations, it shall reconcile me unto solitude, and make it my Paradise on Earth, till Angels instead of the Chariot of Elias, shall convey me to the presence of my glorified Head, in the Celestial Paradise.
Object. But it is grievous to one that hath been used to much company, to be alone.
Answ. Company may so use you, that it may be more grievous to you not to be alone. The Society of Wasps and Serpents may be spared; and Bees themselves have such Stings as make some that have felt them think they bought the hony dear.
But can you say, you are alone, while you are with God? Is his presence nothing to you? Doth it not signifie more than the company of all Men in the world? Saith Hierom, [Sapions nunquam solus esse potest: habet enim secum omnes qui sunt, & qui fuerunt boni — & si h…minum sit inopia, loquitur cum Deo] viz. A wise man cannot be alone: for he hath with him the good men that are or have been — And if there be a want of men, he speaks with God.] He should rather have said, There can be no want of man, when we may speak with God: And were it not that God is here revealed to us as in a glass, and that we do converse with God in Man, we should think human converse little worth.
Object. O but Solitude is disconsolate to a sociable Mind.
Answ. But the most desirable Society is no Solitude: Saith Hierom, [Infinita cremi vas…itas te terret? sed tu Paradisum mente de ambula: Quotiescunque cogitatione ac mente illuc conscenderi…, toties in eremo non e…is] that is [Doth the infinite vastness of the wilderness terrifie thee? But do thou (ascend) in mind and walk in Paradise: As oft as thou ascendest thither in thought and mind, so oft thou shalt not be in the wilderness.] If God be nothing to thee, thou art not a Christian but an Atheist. If God be God to thee, he is All in all to thee; and then should not his presence be instead of all? O that I might get one step nearer unto God, though I receded many from all the world! O that I could find that place on Earth where a Soul may have nearest access unto him, and fullest knowledge and enjoyment of him, though I never more saw the face of Friends! I should chearfully say with my blessed Saviour [I am not alone, for the Father is with me.] And I should say so for these Reasons following.
1. If God be with me, the Maker, and Ruler, and Disposer of all is with me: So that all things are virtually with me in him. I have that in Gold and Jewels which I seem to want in Silver, Lead, and Dross. I can want no Friend if God vouchsafe to be my Friend; and I can enjoy no benefit by all my Friends, if God be my Enemy. I need not fear the greatest Enemies, if God be reconciled to me. I shall not miss the light of the Candle, if I have this blessed Sun. The Creature is nothing but what it is from God, and in God: And it is worth nothing, or good for nothing, but what it's worth in order unto God, as it declareth him, and helps the Soul to know him, serve him, or draw nearer to him: As it is Idolatry in the unhappy worldling, to thirst after the Creature with the neglect of God, and so to make the world his God; so doth it savour of the same hainous sin to lament our loss of Creatures more than the displeasure of God. If God be my Enemy, or I am fallen under his indignation, I have then so much greater matters to lament than the loss, or absence, or frowns of Man, as should almost make me forget that there is such a thing as man to be regarded: But if God be my Father, and my Friend in Christ, I have then so much to think of with delight, and to recreate and content my Soul, as will procl…im it most incongruous and absurd to lament mordinately the absence of a wo…m, while I have his Love and Presence who is All in All. If God cannot content me, and be not enough for me, how is he then my God? or how shall he be my Heaven and everlasting H…ppiness?
2. If God be with me, he is with me to whom I am absolutely devoted. I am wholly his, and have acknowledged his interest in me, and long ago disclaimed all Usurpers, and repented of Alienations, and unreservedly resigned my self to him: And where shoul… I dwell but with him that is my owner, and with whom I have made the solemnest Covenant that ever I made? I never gave my self to any other, but in subordination to him, and with a salvo for his highest inviolable right. Where should my goods be but in my own house? With whom should a servant dwell but with his Master? and a Wife, but with her Husband? and Children but with thei… Father? I am nearlier related to my God and to my Saviour, than I am to any of my Relations in this world. I owe more to him than to all the World: I have renounced all the World, as they stand in any competition or comparison with him; and can I want their company then while I am with him? How shall I hate Father and Mother, and Wife and Children, and Brother and Sister for his sake, if I cannot spare them, or be without them to enjoy him? To hate them is but to use them as Men do hated things, that is, to cast them away with contempt as they would alienate me from Christ, and to cleave to him, and be satisfied in him alone. I am now married to Christ, and therefore must chearfully leave Father and Mother, and my native place, and all to cleave to him: And with whom should I now delight to dwell, but with him who hath t…ken me into so near relation, to be, as it were, one Flesh with him! O my dear Lord, hide not thou thy face from an unkind an unworthy sinner! Let me but dwell with thee and see thy face, and feel the gracious embracements of thy Love, and then let me be cast off by all the world, if thou see it meetest for me; or let all other friends be where they will, so that my Soul may be with thee: I have agreed for thy sake to forsake all, even the dearest that shall stand against thee; and I resolve by thy grace to stand to this Agreement.
3. If God be with me, I am not alone, for he is with me that loveth me best.] The Love of all the Friends on Earth is nothing to his Love. O how plainly hath he declared that he loveth me, in the strange condescention, the Sufferings, Death, and Intercession of his Son? What Love hath he declared in the communications of his Spirit, and the operations of his Grace, and the near Relations into which he brought me? What Love hath he declared in the course of his Providences? In many and wonderful preservations and deliverances? In the conduct of his Wisdom, and in a Life of Mercies? What Love appeareth in his precious Promises, and the glorious Provisions he hath made for me with himself to all eternity? O my Lord, I am ashamed that thy Love is so much lost; that it hath no better return from an unkind unthankful heart; that I am not more delighted in thee, and swallowed up in the contemplation of thy Love; I can contentedly let go the Society and converse of all others, for the converse of some one bosom Friend, that is dearer to me than they all, as Ionathan to David: And can I not much more be sati…fied in thee alone, and let go all if I m…y continue with thee? My very Dog will gladly forsake all the Town, and all Persons in the world, to follow me alone! And have I not yet found so much Love and Goo… ness in thee my dear and blessed God, as to be willing to converse alone with thee? All men delight most in the company of those that love them best: They choose not to converse with the Multitude when they look for solace and content, but with their dearest Friends: And should any be so dear to me as God? O were not thy Love unworthily neglecte… by an unthankful heart, I should never …e so unsatisfied in thee, but should take up, or seek my comforts in thee: I should then say, Whom have I in Heaven but thee, and there is none on Earth that I desire besides thee! Though not only my Friends, but my Flesh and Heart themselves should fail me, it is thou that will still be the strength of my heart, and my portion forever: it is good therefore for me to draw near to thee, how far soever I am from Man: O let me there dwell where thou wilt not be strange, for thy loving kindness is better than life. Instead of the multitude of my …u…moiling thoughts, let me be taken up in the believing views of thy reconciled Face, and in the glad Attendance upon thy Grace; or at least in the multitude of my thoughts within me, let thy celestial comforts delight my soul. Let me dwell as in thy Family; and when I awake, let me be still with thee! Let me go no whither but where I am still following thee: Let me …o nothing but thy work, nor serve any other but when I may truly call it a serving thee: Let me hear nothing …ut thy voice, and let me know thy voice by whatever instrument thou shalt speak: Let me never see a…y thing but thy self and the glass that representeth thee, and the Books in in which I may read thy Name: And let me never play with the out-side, and gaze on Words and Letters as insignificant, and not observe …hy Name which is the sense. Whether it be in company or in solitude, let me be continually with thee, and do thou vouchs…fe to hold me by my right hand: And guide me with thy counsel, and afterwards receive me unto thy Glory, Psal. 73.23, 24, 25, 26, 28. Psal. 63.3.
4. If God be with me I am not alone; for I shall be with him whose Love is of greater use and benefit to me, than the love of all my Friends in the world. Their Love may perhaps be some little comfort, as it floweth from His: But it is His Love by which and upon which I Live. It is His Love that gives me Life and Time, and Health and Food, and Preservation; that gives me Books, gives me books and giveth me understanding: that giveth me provision, and saveth me from turning it to pernicious fleshliness and excess; that giveth me even my friends themselves, and saveth me from that abuse which might make them to me worse than enemies. The Sun, the Earth, the Air is not so useful or needful to me as his Love. The Love of all my friends cannot make me well when I am sick: It cannot forgive the smallest of my sins; nor yet assure me of Gods forgiveness: It cannot heal the maladies of my soul, nor give a solid lasting peace to the conscience which is troubled: If all my friends stand about me when I am dying, they cannot take away the fears of death, nor secure my passage to everlasting life: Death will be Death still, and danger will be danger, when all my friends have done their best. But my Almighty friend is All sufficient: He can prevent my sickness, or rebuke and cure it, or make it so good to me, that I shall thank him for it: He can blot out my transgressions, and forgive all my sin; and justifie me when the world and my conscience do condemn me: He can teach me to believe, to repent, to pray, to hope, to suffer, and to overcome: He can quiet my soul in the midst of trouble, and give me a well grounded everlasting peace, and a joy which no man can take from me. He can deliver me from all the corruptions and distempers of my froward heart; and ease me and secure me in the troublesom war which is daily managed in my breast. He can make it as easie a thing to dye, as to lye down and take my rest when I am weary, or to undress me at night and go to bed. He can teach Death to lay by its terrible aspect, and to speak with a mild and comfortable voice, & to bring me the joyfullest tydings that ever came unto my ears; and to preach to me the last and sweetest Sermon, even the same that our …aviour preached on the Cross [Luke 23.43. Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with Christ in Paradise.]
And is this the difference between the Love of man and of God? And yet do I lament the loss of man! And yet am I so backward to converse with God, and to be satisfied in his Love alone! Ah my God, how justly mayest thou withhold that Love which I thus undervalue; and refuse that converse which I have first refused? and turn me over to man, to silly man, to sinful man, whose converse I so much desire, till I have learnt by dear experience the difference between man and God, and between an Earthly and an Heavenly friend! Alas, have I not tryed it oft enough, to have known it better before this day! Have … not … enough sound what man is in a time of tryal! Have I not been tol… it over and over, and told it to the quick, by deceitful friends, by self-seeking friends, by mutable, erroneous, deceived, scandalous, backslding friends, by proud and selfconceited friends; by passionate, quarrelsom, vexatious friends, by self-grieved, troubled friend…, that have but brought me all their calamities and griefs to be additions to my own; by tempting friends, that have drawn me to sin more effectually than enemies; by tender, faithful, but unable friends, that have but fetcht fire from my calamities and sorrows to kindle their own, not equally sharing, but each one taking all my trouble entirely to himself: that have been willing, but insufficient to relieve me; and therefore the greater was their Love, the greater was their own, and consequently mine affliction, that would have been with me, but could not; that would fain have eased my pain, and strengthened my languishing body, but could not; that would fain have removed all my troubles, and comforted my cast down mind, but could not. O how often have I found that humane friendship is a sweet desired addition to our woe; a beloved calamity, and an affliction which nature will not be without, not because it Loveth evil, nor because it is wholly deceived in its choice (for there is Good in friendship, and delight in holy Love) but because the Good which is here accompanied with so much evil, is the beginn…ng of a more high and durable frendship, and pointeth us up to the blessed delightful society and converse which in the heavenly Ierusalem we shall have with Christ.
But O how much better have I found the friendship of the All-sufficient God! His Love hath not only pitited me, but relieved me: He hath not only been as it were afflicted with me in my afflictions, but he hath delivered me seasonably, and powerfully, and sweetly hath he delivered me: And when he had once told me that my afflictions were his own, I had no reason to doubt of a deliverance. My burdened mind hath been eased by his Love, which was but more burdened by the fruitless Love of all my friends. Oft have I come to man for help, and ease, and comfort, and gone away as from an empty Cistern, that had no water to cool my thirst; but God hath been a present help: Could I but get near him, I was sure of Light, how great soever was my former darkness: Could I but get near him, I was sure of warming quickning Life, how dead soever I had been before: But all my misery was, that I could not get near him! My darkened estranged guilty soul, could not get quiet…ng and satisfying acquaintance: My lumpish heart lay dead on earth, and would not stir, or quickly fall down again, if by any Celestial force it began to be drawn up, and move a little towards him: My carnal mind was entangled in diverting vanities: And thus I have been kept from communion with my God. Kept! not by force or humane tyranny; not by bars or bolts, or distance of a place, or by the lowness of my condition; nor by any misrepresentations o… reproach of man; but, alas, by my self, by the darkness and deadness, and sluggishness, and earthliness, and fleshliness, and passions of a naughty heart. These have been my bars, and bolts, and jaylors; These are they that have kept me from my God: Had it not been for these I might have got nearer to him; I might have walkt with him, and dwelt with him; yea dwelt in him, and he in me: and then I should not have mist any friends, nor felt mine enemies: And is it my sinful distance from my God that hath been my loss, my wilderness, my woe! And is it a nearer admittance to the presence of his Love that must be my recovery and my joy, if ever I attain to joy! O then my soul, lay hold on Christ the Reconciler, and in him and by him draw near to God: And cease from man whose breath is in his nostrils: Love God in his Saints, and delightfully converse with Christ in them, while thou hast opportunity. But Remember thou Livest not upon them, or on their Love, but upon God, and therefore desire their Company but for His: And if thou have His, be content if thou have not theirs.
He wants not man that enjoyeth God. Gather up all the Love, and Thoughts, and Desires which have been scattered and lost upon the Creatures, and set them all on God himself, and press into his presence, and converse with him, and thou shalt find the mistake of thy present discontents, and sweet experience shall tell thee thou hast made a happy change.
5. If God be with me, I am not alone, because he is with me with whom my greatest business lyeth: And what company should I desire, but theirs with whom I have my daily necessary work to do? I have more to do with God, than with all the World: Yea more and greater business with him in one day, than with all the World in all my life. I have business with man about house, or lands, or food, or raiment, or labour, or journying, or Recreations, about society and publick peace: But what are these to my business with God! Indeed with holy men I have holy Business; but that is but as they are Messengers from God, and come to me on his business, and so they must be dearly welcome: But even then my business is much more with God then with them; with him that sent them, then with the Messenger. Indeed my business with God is so great, that If I had not a Mediator to encourage and assist me, to do my work and procure me acceptance, the thoughts of it would overwhelm my Soul.
O therefore my Soul, let man stand by: It is the Eternal God that I have to do with: And with whom am I to transact in this little time the business of my endless life. I have to deal with God through Christ, for the pardon of my sins, of all my great and grievous sins; and wo to me if I speed not, that ever I was born: I have some hopes of pardon, but intermixt with many perplexing fears: I have evidences much blotted, and not easily understood: I want assurance that he is indeed my Father, and reconciled to me, and will receive me to himself when the World forsaketh me: I have many languishing graces to be strengthened; and alas, what radicated, obstinate, vexatious corruptions to be cured! Can I look into my heart, into such an unbelieving, dead, and earthly heart, into such a proud and peevish and disordered heart, into such a trembling, perplexed, self-accusing heart, and yet not understand how great my business is with God! Can I peruse my sins, or feel my wants, and sink under my weaknesses, and yet not discern how great my business is with God! Can I look back upon all the time that I have lost, and all the grace that I unthankfully resisted, and all the mercies that I trod under foot, or fool'd away, and can I look before me and see how near my time is to an end, and yet not understand how great my business is with God; Can I think of the malice and diligence of Satan, the number, power and subtilty of mine Enemies, the many snares and dangers that are still before me, the strength and number of temptations, and my ignorance, unwatchfulness and weakness to resist, and yet not know that my greatest business is with God: Can I feel my afflictions and lament them, and think my burden greater than I can bear, and find that man cannot relieve me; can I go mourning in the heaviness of my soul, and water my Bed with Tears, and fill the air with my groans and lamentations, or feel my soul overwhelmed within me, so that my words are intercepted, and I am readier to break than speak, and yet not perceive that my greatest business is with God? Can I think of dying? Can I draw near to judgment? Can I think of everlasting joys in Heaven? and of everlasting pains in Hell, and yet not feel that my greatest business is with God? O then, my soul, the case is easily resolved, with whom it is that thou must most desirously and seriously converse. Where shouldst thou be but where thy business is, and so great business! Alas, what have I to do with man! what can it do but make my head ake, to hear a deal of senseless chat, about preferments, lands and dignities, about the words and thoughts of Men, and a thousand toys that are utterly impertinent to my great imployments, and signifie nothing but that the dreaming world is not awake! What pleasure is it to see the busles of a Bedlam world? what a stir they make to prove or make themselves unhappy? How low and of how little weight, are the learned discourses about syllables and words, and names and notions, and mood and figure, yea, or about the highest Planets, when all are not referred unto God? Were it not that some converse with men, doth further my converse with God; and that God did transact much of his business by his messengers and servants, it were no matter whether ever I more saw the face of man: were it not that my Master hath placed me in society, and appointed me and much of my work for others, and with others, and much of his mercy is conveyed by others, man might stand by, and solitude were better then the best society, and God alone should take me up. O nothing is so much my misery and shame, as that I am no more willing, nor better skilled in the management of my great important business! That my work is with God, and my heart is no more with him! O what might I do in holy meditation or Prayer one hour; if I were as ready for prayer, and as good at prayer as one that hath so long opportunity and so great necessity to converse with God, should be! A prayerless heart, a heart that flyeth away from God, is most excusable in such a one as I, that hath so much important business with him: It is work that must be done; and if well done, will never be repented of: I use not to return from the presence of God (when indeed I have drawn near him) as I do from the company of empty men, repenting that I have lost my time, and trembled that my mind is discomposed or depressed by the vanity and earthly savour of their discourse: I oft repent that I have prayed to him so coldly, and conversed with him so negligently, and served him so remisly; but I never repent of the time, the cares, the afflictions, or the diligence imployed in his holy work. Many a time I have repented that ever I spent so much time with man, and wisht I had never seen the faces of some that are eminent in the world, whose favour and converse others are ambitious of: But it is my greif and shame that so small a part of all my life, hath been spent with God; and that fervent prayer and heavenly contemplations, have been so seldom and so short. O that I had lived more with God, though I had been less with my dearest of my friends! How much more blameless, regular and pure! How much more fruitful, and answerable to my obligations and professions! How much more comfortable to my review! How many falls, and hurts, and wounds, and greifs, and groans might I have escaped! O how much more pleasing is it now to my Remembrance, to think of the hours in which I have lain at the feet of God, though it were in tears and groans, than to think of the time which I have spent in any common converse with the greatest, or the learnedest, or the dearest of my acquaintance!
And as my Greatest business is with God, so my daily-business is also with him: He purposely leaveth me under wants, and suffers necessities daily to return, and enemies to assault me, and affliction to surprize me, that I may be daily driven to him: He loveth to hear from me: He would have me be no stranger with him: I have business with him every hour: I need not want employment for all the faculties of my Soul, if I know what it is to converse in Heaven. Even Prayer, and every holy thought of God, hath an Object so great and excellent, as should wholly take me up. Nothing must be thought or spoken lightly about the Lord. His Name must not be taken in vain: Nothing that is common beseemeth his Worshipers. He will be sanctified of all that shall draw near him: He must be loved with all the Heart and Might. His Servants need not be wearied for want of employment, nor through the lightness or unprofitableness of their employment: If I had Cities to build, or Kingdoms to govern, I might better complain for want of Employment for the Faculties of my Soul, than I can when I am to converse in Heaven. In other Studies the delight abateth, when I have reached my desire, and know all that I can know: But in God there is infinitely more to be known, when I know the most. I am never satiated with the easiness of knowing, nor are my desires abated by any unusefulness or unworthiness in the Object; but I am drawn to it by it's highest Excellencies, and drawn on to desire more and more by the infiniteness of the Light which I have not yet beheld, and the infiniteness of the Good which yet I have not enjoyed. If I be idle, or seem to want employment, when I am to contemplate all the Attributes, Relations, Mercies, Works, and revealed perfections of the Lord, it's sure for want of Eyes to see, or a Heart enclined to my business: If God be not enough to employ my Soul, then all the Persons and Things on Earth are not enough.
And when I have Infinite Goodness to delight in, where my Soul may freely let out it self, and never need to fear excess of Love; how sweet should this employment be? As Knowledge, so love is never stinted here, by the narrowness of the Object: can never love him in any proportion either to his Goodness and amiableness in himself, or to his Love to us. What need have I then of any other company or business, when I have infinite Goodness to delight in, and to Love (further than they subserve this greatest Work?)
Come home then, O my Soul, to God: Converse in Heaven: Turn away thine eyes from beholding Vanity: Let not thy affections kindle upon straw or bryars, that go out when they have made a flash or noise, and leave thee to thy cold and darkness: But come and dwell upon celestial beauties, and make it thy daily and most diligent Work, to kindle thy affections on the infinite everlasting Good; and then they will never be extinguished or decay for want of Fewel; but the further they go, and the longer they burn, the greater will be the Flame. Though thou find it hard while Love is but a Spark to make it burn, and complain that thy cold and backward heart is hardly warmed with the love of God, yet when the whole pile hath taken fire, and the flame ascendeth, fire will breed fire, Love will cause Love; and all the malice of Hell it self shall never be able to suppress or quench it unto all Eternity.
6. And it is a great Encouragement to my converse with God, that no misunderstanding, no malice of Enemies, no former sin or present… frailty, no, nor the infinite distance of the most holy glorious God, can hinder my access to him, or turn away his Ear or Love, or interrupt my leave and liberty of converse. If I converse with the poor, their wants afflict me, being greater than I can supply: Their complaints and expectations which I cannot satisfie, are my trouble. If I would converse with Great ones, it is not easie to get access: and less easie to have their Favour, unless I would purchase it at too dear a rate: How strangely and contemptuously do they look at their inferiours! Great Friends must be made for a word or Smile: And if you be not quickly gone, they are aweary of you: And if you seek any thing of them, or would put them to any cost or trouble, you are as welcom to them as so many Vermin or noisom Creatures. They please them best that drive you away. With how much labour and difficulty must you clime, if you will see the top of one of these Mountains? And when you are there, you are but in a place of barrenness; and have nothing to satisfie you for your pains, but a larger prospect and vertiginous despect of the lower grounds which are not your own: It is seldom that these Great Ones are to be spoken with: And perhaps their Speech is but a denyal of your Requests, if not some snappish and contemptuous Rejection, that makes you glad when you are got far enough from them, and makes you the better like and love the accessible calm & fruitful Plains.
But, O how much greater encouragements hath my Soul to converse with God! Company never hindereth him from harkning to my Suit: He is Infinite and Omnipotent, and as sufficient for every individual Soul, as if he had no other to look after in the World: When he is taken up with the attendance and praises of his heavenly Host, he is as free and ready to attend and answer the groans and prayers of a contrite Soul, as if he had no nobler Creatures, nor no higher Service to regard. I am oft unready, but God is never unready: I am unready to pray, but he is not unready to hear: I am unready to come to God, to walk with him, and to solace my Soul with him; but he is never unready to entertain me. Many a time my Conscience would have driven me away, when he hath called me to him, and rebuked my accusing fearful Conscience. Many a time I have called my self a Prodigal, a companion of Swine, a miserable hard-hearted Sinner, unworthy to be called his Son, when he hath called me Child, and chid me for my questioning his Love. He hath readily forgiven the Sins which I thought would have made my Soul fuel of Hell: He hath entertained me with Joy, with Musick and a Feast, when I better deserved to have been among the Dogs without his Doors. He hath embraced me in his sustaining consolatory Arms, when he might have spurned my guilty Soul to Hell, and said, Depart from me, thou worker of Iniquity, I know thee not. O little did I think, that he could ever have forgotten the Vanity and Villany of my Youth; yea, so easily have forgotten my most aggravated sins. When I had sinned against Light; when I had resisted Conscience; when I had frequently and wilfully injured Love, I thought he would never have forgotten it: But the greatness of his Love and Mercy, and the blood and intercession of his Son, hath cancelled all. O how many Mercies have I tasted since I thought I had sinned away all Mercies! How patiently hath he born with me, since I thought he would never have put up more? And yet besides my sins and the withdrawings of my own heart, there hath been nothing to interrupt our converse. Though he be God, and I a worm, yet that would not have kept me out: Though he be in Heaven, yet he is near to succour me on Earth, in all that I call upon him for: Though he have the praise of Angels, he disdaineth not my Tears and Groans: Though he have the perfect Love of perfect Souls, he knoweth the little Spark in my Breast, and despiseth not my weak and languid Love: Though I injure and dishonour him by loving him no more; though I oft forget him, and have been out of the way when he hath come or called me; though I have disobediently turned away mine ears, and unkindly refused the entertainments of his Love, and unfaithfully plaid with those whose company he forbad me, he hath not divorced me, nor turned me out of doors. O wonderful! that Heaven will be familiar with Earth! and God with Man! the Highest with a Worm! and the most Holy with an unconstant Sinner! Man refuseth me, when God will entertain me: Man, that is no wiser or better than my self. Those that I never wronged or deserved ill off, reject me with Reproach: And God whom I have unspeakably injured, doth invite me, and intreat me, and condescendeth to me, as if he were beholden to me to be saved: Men that I have deserved well of, do abhor me: And God that I have deserved Hell of, doth accept me. The best of them are Briars, and as a thorny Hedge, and he is Love, and Rest, and Joy: And yet I can be more welcom to him, tho…gh I have offended h…m, than I can to them whom I have obliged: I have freer leave to cast my slef into my Fathers Arms, than to tumble in those Briars, or wallow in the Dirt. I upbraid my self with my sins, but he doth not upbraid me with them. I condemn my self for them, but he condemns me not: He forgivet… me so…n…r than I can forgive my self: I have peace with him, before I can have peace of Conscience.
O therefore my Soul, draw near to him that is so willing of thy company! That frowneth thee not away, unless it be when thou hast fallen into the dirt, that tho… mayst wash thee from thy filthiness, and the fitter for his converse. Draw near to him that will not wrong thee, by believing misreports of Enemies, or laying to thy charge the things thou knewest not: but will forgive the Wrongs thou hast done to him, and justifie thee from the sin, that Conscience layeth to thy charge. Come to him that by his Word and Spirit, his Ministers and Mercies calleth thee to come; and hath promised, that those that come to him, he will in no wise shut out. O walk with him that will bear thee up, and lead thee as by the right hand (Psal. 73.23.) and carry his Infants when they cannot go! O speak to him that teacheth thee to speak, and understandeth and accepts thy Stammering; and helpeth thine Infirmities when thou knowest not what to pray for as thou oughtest; and giveth thee Groans when thou hast not words, and knowe…h the meaning of his Spirit in thy Groans: that cannot be contained in the Heaven of Heavens, and yet hath respect to the contrite Soul, that trembleth at his word, and feareth his displeasure: That pityeth the Tears, and despiseth not the sighing of a broken heart, nor the desires of the sorrowful. O walk with him that is never weary of the converse of an up…ight Soul! That is never angry with thee, but for flying from him, or for drawing back, or being too strange, and refusing the kindness and felicity of his presence. The day is coming when the proudest of the Sons of Men would be glad of a good look from him, that thou hast leave to walk with: Even they that would not look on thee, and they that injured and abused thee, and they that inferiours could have no access to; O how glad would they be then of a Smile, or a word of hope and mercy from thy Father! Draw near then to him, on whom the whole Creation doth d…pend; whose favour at last the proudest and the worst would purchase with the loudest cries, when all their pomp and pleasure is gone, and can purchase nothing. O walk with him that is Love it self, and think him not unwilling-or unlovely; and let not the Deceiver by hideous misrepresentations drive thee from him: when thou hast felt a while the storms abroad, me thinks thou shouldst say, How good, how safe, how sweet is it to draw near to God!
7. With whom should I so desirously converse, as with him whom I must live with for ever? If I take pleasure in my House, or Land, or Country, my walks, my books or friends themselves as cloathed with flesh, I must possess this pleasure but a little while; Henceforth know we no man after the flesh: Had we known Christ himself after the flesh, we must know him so no more for ever. (Though his Glorified spiritual Body we shall know.) Do you converse with Father or Mother? with Wives or Children? with Pastors and Teachers? Though you may converse with these as Glorified Saints, when you come to Christ, yet in these Relations that they stand in to you now, you shall converse with them but a little while: For the time is short: It remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep as though they wept not; and they that rejoyce as though they rejoyced not; and they that buy as though they possessed not; and they that use the World, as not abusing it (or as though they used it not:) for the fashion of this World doth pass away.] 1 Cor. 7.29, 30, 31.
Why then should I so much regard, a converse of so short continuance? Why should I be so familiar in my Inn, and so in love with that familiarity, as to grieve when I must but think of leaving it, or talk of going home, and look forward to the place where I must dwell for ever? shall I be fond of the company of a passenger that I travel with (yea perhaps one that doth but meet me in the way, and goeth to a contrary place) and shall I not take more pleasure to remember home? I will not be so uncivil as to deny those I meet a short salute, or to be friendly with my fellow-Travellers: But remember, O my Soul, that thou dost not dwell but travel here, and that it is thy Fathers House where thou must abide forever: Yea and he is nearer thee than Man (though invisible) even in thy way. O see him then that is invisible: Hearken to him when he spea…eth: Obey his voice: Observe his way: Speak to him boldly, though humbly and reverently, a… his Child, about the great concernments of thy State: Tell him what it is that aileth thee: And seeing all thy smart is the fruit of thy own sin, confess thy folly and unkindness, crave his forgiveness, and remember him what his Son hath suffered, and for what: Treat with him about thy future course: Desire his Grace, and give up thy self to his Conduct and his Cure: Weep over in his Ears the History of thy misdoings and unthankful course: Tell it him with penitential tears and groans: But tell him also the advantage that he hath for the honouring of his grace, if it may now abound where sin aboundeth: Tell him that thou art most offended with thy self, for that which he is most offended with: That thou art angry with thy disobedient unthankful heart: That thou art even a weary of that heart that loveth him no more: And that it shall never please thee, till it love him better and be more desirous to please him: Tell him of thy Enemies, and crave the protection of his Love: Tell him of thy frailties, infirmities and passions, and crave not only his tender forbearance, but his help: Tell him that without him thou canst do nothing; and crave the Grace that is sufficient for thee, that through him that strengtheneth thee thou mayest do all things: When thou fallest, despair not, but crave his helping hand to raise thee. Speak to him especially of the everlasting things, and thank him for his Promises, and for thy Hopes: For what thou shalt be, and have, and do among his Holy ones for ever. Express thy joys in the promise of those joys; that thou must see his Glory, and love him, and praise him better than thou canst now desire. Begin those praises, and as thou walkest with him, take pleasure in the mention of his perfections; be thankful to him and speak good of his Name: Solace thy self in remembring what a God, what a defence and portion all believers have: And in considering whither he is now conducting thee, and what he will do with thee, and what use he will make of thee forever: Speak with Rejoycing of the glory of his works, and the righteousness of his judgmen…s, and the holiness and evenness of his ways: Sing forth his praises with a joyfull heart, and pleasant and triumphing voice; and frown away all slavish fears, all importune malicious suggestions or doubts, all peevish hurtful nipping griefs, that would mar or interrupt the melody; and would untune or unstring a raised well composed Soul. Thy Father loveth thy very moans and Tears: But how much more doth he love thy Thanks and Praise? Or if indeed it be a Winter time, a stormy day with thee, and he seem to chide or hide his face because thou hast offended him, let the cloud that is gathered by thy Folly come down in tears, and tell him, Thou hast sinned against Heaven and before him, and art no more worthy to be called his Son; but yet fly not from him, but beg his pardon and the priviledges of a Servant: And thou wilt find embracements, when thou fearest condemnation: and find that he is merciful and ready to forgive: Only return, and keep closer to him for the time to come. If the breach through thy neglect be gone so far, as that thou seemest to have lost thy God, and to be cast off, and left forsaken; despair not yet; for he doth but hide his face till thou repent: He doth not forsake thee, but only tell thee what it is to walk so carelesly as if thou wouldst forsake him: Thou art faster and surer in his Love and Covenant then thou canst believe or apprehend. Thy Lord was as dear as ever to his Father, when he cryed out, My God, why hast thou forsaken me. But yet neglect him not, and be not regardless of his withdrawings and of thy loss: Lift up thy voice and cry but [Father;] in despight of unbelief, cry out [My Father, my Saviour, my God,] and thou shalt hear him Answer thee at last [My Child:] Cry out [O why dost thou hide thy face? and why hast thou forsaken me! O what shall I do here without thee! O leave me not, lose me not in this bowling wilderness! Let me not be a prey to any ravening beast! to my sin, to Satan, to my foes and thine!] Lift up thy voice and weep, and tell him, they are the tears and lamentation of his Child: O beg of him, that thy wanderings and childish folly, may not be taken as acts of enmity, or at least that they may be pardoned; and though he correct thee, that he will return and not forsake thee, but still take thee and use thee as his child. Or if thou hast not words to pour out before him, at least smite upon thy breast, and though thou be ashamed or afraid to look up toward Heaven, look down and say, [O Lord, be merciful to me a sinner,] and he will take it for an acceptable suit, that tendeth to thy pardon and justification, and will number such a sentance with the prayers which he cannot deny. Or if thou cry, and canst not hear of him, and hast long called out upon thy Fathers Name, and hearest not his voice and hast no return; enquire after him of those thou meetest: Ask for him of them that know him and are acquainted with his way! Make thy moan unto the watchmen; and ask them, where thou mayst find thy Lord. And at last he will appear to thee, and find thee first, that thou mayst find him, and shew thee where it was that thou didst lose him, by losing thy self and turning from him! seek him and thou shalt find him: wait and he will appear in kindness: For he never faileth or forsaketh those that wait upon him.
This kind of Converse, O my soul, thou hast to prosecute with thy God. Thou hast also the concernments of all his servants; his aff…icted ones, his broken hearted ones, his diseased ones, his persecuted ones, to tell him of: Tell him also of the concernments of his Kingdom, the fury of his Enemies, the dishonour they cast upon his Name, the matters of his Gospel, cause and interest in the world: But still let his Righteous Judgment be remembred, and all be terminated in the glorious everlasting Kingdom.
Is it not much better thus to converse with him that I must be with for ever, about the place, and the company, and work, and concernments of my perpetual abode, then to be taken up with strangers in my way, and detained by their impertinencies?
I have form'd my self so long in these meditations, that I will but name the rest, and tell you what I had further to have treated on, and leave the enlargement to your own meditations.
8. I have no reason to be weary of converse with God, seeing it is that for which all human converse is regardable. Converse with man is only so far desirable as it tendeth to our Converse with God: And therefore the end must be preferred before the means.
9. It is the Office of Christ, and the work of the Holy Ghost, and the use of all the means of Grace, and of all creatures, mercies and afflictions, to reduce our straying souls to God, that we may converse with him and enjoy him.
10. Converse with God is most suitable to those that are so near to death; It best prepareth for it: It is likest to the work that we are next to do. We had rather when death comes, be found conversing with God then with Man: It is God that a dying man hath principally to do with: It is his judgment that he is going to; and his mercy that he hath to trust upon: And therefore it concerneth us to draw near him now, and be no strangers to him, lest strangeness then should be our terrour.
11. How wonderful a condescension is it that God should be willing to converse with me! with such a worm and sinful wretch: And therefore how unexcusable is my crime, if I refuse his company, and so great a mercy!
12. Lastly, Heaven it self is but our Converse with God and his Glorified ones, (though in a more perfect manner then we can here conceive.) And therefore our holy converse with him here is the state that is likest Heaven, and that prepareth for it, and all the Heaven that is on earth.
IT remaineth now that I briefly tell you, what you should do to attain and manage this Converse with God, in the improvement of your solitude. (For Directions in general for Walking with God, I reserve for another place.) At present let these few suffice.
Direct. 1. If you would comfortably Converse with God, make sure that you are Reconciled to him in Christ, and that he is indeed your friend and Father. Can two walk together except they be agreed? Can you take pleasure in dwelling with the consuming fire? or conversing with the most dreadful enemy? Yet this I must add, that every doubting or self-accusing soul may not find a pretence to fly from God. 1. That God ceaseth not to be a Father when ever a fearful soul is drawn to question it or deny it. 2. That in the Universal Love and Grace of God to miserable sinners, and in the universal act of conditional pardon and oblivion, and in the offers of Grace, and the readiness of God to receive the penitent, there is Glad Tidings that should exceedingly rejoyce a a sinner; and there is sufficient encouragement to draw the most guilty miserable sinner to seek to God, and sue for mercy. But yet the sweetest converse is for children, & for those that have some assurance that they are children.
But perhaps you will say, that this is not easily attained: How shall we know that he is our friend?
In brief, I answer, If you are unfeignedly friends to God, it is because he first loved you. Prefer him before all other friends, and all the wealth and vanity of the world; Provoke him not by wilfulness or neglect: use him as your best friend, and abuse him not by disobedience or ingratitude; own him before all, at the dearest rates, whenever you are called to it: Desire his presence: Lament his absence: Love him from the bottom of your hearts: Think not hardly of him: Suspect him not; Misunderstand him not: Hearken not to his enemies: Receive not any false reports against him: Take him to be really better for you than all the world: Do these, and doubt not but you are friends with God, & God with you: In a word, Be but heartily willing to be friends to God, and that God should be your cheifest friend, and you may be sure that it is so indeed, and that you are and have what you desire. And then how delightfully may you converse with God!
Direct. 2. Wholly depend on the Mediation of Christ, the great Reconciler: Without him there is no coming near to God: But in his Beloved you shall be accepted. Whatever fear of his displeasure shall surprize you, fly presently for safety unto Christ: whatever guilt shall look you in the face, commit your self and cause to Christ, and desire him to answer for you: When the doors of mercy seem to be shut up against you, fly to him that bears the keyes, and can at any time open to you, and let you in: Desire him to answer for you to God, to your consciences, and against all accusers: By him alone you may boldly and comfortably converse with God: But God will not know you out of him.
Direct. 3. Take heed of bringing particular Guilt into the presence of God, if you would have sweet communion with him: Christ himself never reconciled God to sin: And the sinner and sin are so nearly related, that for all the death of Christ, you shall feel that iniquity dwelleth not with God; but he hateth the works of it, and the foolish shall not stand in his sight▪ and that if you will presume to sin because you are his Children, be sure your sin will find you out. O what fears, what shame, what self-abhorrence and self-revenge will guilt raise in a penitent soul, when it comes into the light of the presence of the Lord; it will unavoidable abate your boldness and your comforts: When you should be sweetly delighting in his pleased face, and promised Glory, you will be be fooling your selves for your former sin, and ready even to tear your flesh, to think that ever you should do as you have done, and use him as you would not have used a common friend, and cast your selves upon his wrath. But an innocent soul, or pacified conscience, doth walk with God in quietness and delight, without those frowns and fears which are a taste of Hell to others.
Direct. 4. If you would comfortably converse with God, be sure that you bring not Idols in your hearts: Take heed of inordinate affection to any Creature. Let all things else be nothing to you, that you may have none to take up your thoughts but God. Let your Minds be further seperate from them than your Bodies: Bring not into solitude or to contemplation, a proud, or lustful, or covetous mind: It much more concerneth thee, what Heart thou bringest, that what Place thou art in, or what work thou art upon. A mind that is drowned in ambition, sensuality or passion, will scarce find God any sooner in any wilderness than in a croud (unless he be there returning from those sins to God) where-ever he seeth him, God will not own and be familiar with so foul a soul. Seneca could say [Quid prodest totious regionis silentium, si affectus fremunt?] What good doth the silence of all the Country do thee, if thou have the noise of raging affections within?] And Gregory saith [Qui corpore remotus vivit, &c. He that in body is far enough from the tumult of human conversation, is not in solitude, if he busie himself with earthly cogitations and desires: and he is not in the City that is not troubled with the tumult of worldly cares or fears, though he be pressed with the popular crouds.] Bring not thy house, or land, or credit, or carnal friend along with thee in thy heart, if thou desire and expect to walk in Heaven, and to converse with God.
Direct. 5. Live still by Faith; Let Faith lay Heaven and Earth as it were together: Look not at God as if he were far off: set him aways as before you, even as at your right hand; Psal. 16.8. Be still with him when you awake, Psal. 139.18. In the morning thank him for your rest; and deliver up your self to his conduct and service for that day▪ Go forth as with him, and to do his work: Do every action, with the Command of God, and the promise of Heaven before your eyes, and upon your hearts: Live as those that have incomparably more to do with God and Heaven, than all this world; That you may say with David, Psal. 37.25, 26. (as aforecited) Whom have I in Heaven but thee! and there is none on Earth that I desire besides thee:] And with Paul, Phil. 1.21. [To me to Live is Christ, and to Dye is gain.] You must shut up the eye of sense (save as subordinate to Faith) and live by Faith upon a God, a Christ, and a World that is unseen, if you would know by experience what it is to be above the brutish life of sensualists, and to Converse with God. O Christian, if thou hadst rightly learned this blessed life, what a high and noble soul-conversation wouldst thou have! How easily wouldst thou spare, and how little wouldst thou miss the favour of the greatest, the presence of any worldly comfort! City or Solitude would be much alike to thee, saving that the place and state would be best to thee, where thou hast the greatest help and freedom to converse with God. Thou wouldst say of human society as Seneca [Vnus pro populo mihi est, & populus pro uno: Mihi satis est unus, satis est nullus.] [One is instead of all the people to me, and the people as one; One is enough for me, and none is enough.] Thus being taken up with God, thou mightest live in prison as at liberty, and in a wilderness as in a City, and in a place of banishment as in thy native Land: For the Earth is the Lords, and the fulness thereof: and everywhere thou mayest find him, and converse with him, and lift up pure hands unto him: In every place thou art within the sight of home; and Heaven is in thine eye, and thou art conversing with that God, in whose converse the highest Angels do place their highest felicity and delight.
How little cause then have all the Churches enemies to triumph, that can never shut up a true believer from the presence of his God? nor banish him into such a place where he cannot have his conversation in Heaven? The stones that were cast at holy Stephen, could not hinder him from seeing the Heavens opened, and Christ sitting at the right hand of God. A Patmos allowed holy Iohn Communion with Christ, being there in the Spirit on the Lords day, Rev. 1.9, 10. Christ never so speedily and comfortably owneth his servants, as when the world disowneth them, and abuseth them for his sake, and hurls them up and down as the scorn and off-scouring of all. He quickly found the blind man that he had cured, when once the Jews had cast him out, Ioh. 9.35. Persecutors do but promote the blessedness and exceeding joy of sufferers for Christ, Mat. 5.11.12.
And how little Reason then have Christians to shun such sufferings by unlawful means, which turn to their so great advantage? and to give so dear as the hazard of their souls by wilful sin, to escape the honour, and safety, and commodity of Martyrdom?
And indeed we Judge not, we Love not, we …ive not as sanctified ones must do, if we judge not that the truest Liberty, and Love it not as the Best Condition, in which we may Best converse with God. And O how much harder is it to walk with God, in a Court, in the midst of sensual delights, than in a prison or wilderness, where we have none to interrupt us, and nothing else to take us up? It is our prepossessed minds, our earthly hearts, our carnal affections and concupisence, and the pleasures of a prosperous state, that are the prison and the Jaylors of our souls. Were it not for these, how free should we be, though our bodies were confined to the straightest room! He is at Liberty that can walk in Heaven, and have access to God, and make use of all the Creatures in the world, to the promoting of this his Heavenly conversation. And he is the prisoner whose soul is chained to flesh and earth, and confined to his lands and houses, and feedeth on the dust of worldly riches, or walloweth in the dung and filth of gluttony, drunkenness and lust: that are far from God, and desire not to be near him; but say to him, Depart from us, we would not have the knowledge of thy ways: that Love their prisons and chains so well, that they would not be set free, but hate those with the cruellest hatred that endeavour their deliverance. Those are the poor prisoners of Satan, that have not liberty to believe, nor to Love God, nor converse in Heaven, nor seriously to mind or seek the things that are high and honourable: that have not liberty to meditate or pray, or seriously to speak of holy things, nor to love and converse with those that do so: that are tyed so hard to the drudgery of sin, that they have not liberty one month, or week, or day, to leave it, and walk with God so much as for recreation! But he that liveth in the family of God, and is employed in attending him, and doth converse with Christ, and the Host of Holy ones above, in reason should not much complain of his want of friends, or company or accommodations, nor yet be too impatient of any corporal confinement.
Lastly, be sure then most narrowly to watch your hearts, that nothing have entertainment there, which is against your Liberty of converse with God. Fill not those Hearts with worldly trash, which are made and new-made to be the dwelling place of God. Desire not the company which would diminish your heavenly acquaintance and correspondency. Be not unfriendly, nor conceited of a self-sufficiency; but yet beware lest under the honest ingenuous title of a friend, a special, faithful, prudent, faithful friend, you should entertain an Idol, or an enemy to your Love of God, or a corrival and competitor with your highest friend: For if you do, it is not the specious title of a friend that will save you from the thorns and bryars of disquietment, and from greater troubles than ever you found from open enemies.
O blessed be that High and everlasting friend, who is every way suited to the upright souls! To their Minds, their Memories, their Delight, their Love, &c. By surest Truth, by fullest Goodness, by clearest Light, by dearest Love, by firmest Constancy, &c. — O why hath my drowsie and darksighted soul been so seldom with him! why hath it so often, so strangely, and so unthankfully passed by, and not observed him, nor hearkened to his kindest calls! O what is all this trash and trouble that hath filled my memory, and employed my mind, and cheated and corrupted my affections, while my dearest Lord hath been days and nights so unworthily forgotten, so contemptuously neglected, and disregarded, and loved as if I loved him not! O that these drowsie and those waking nights, those loitered, lost, and empty hours, had been spent in the humblest converse with him, which have been dreamed and doted away upon — now I know not what! O my God, how much wiser and happier had I been, had I rather chosen to mourn with thee, than to rejoyce and sport with any other! O that I had rather wept with thee, than laughed with the creature! For the time to come, let that be my friend, that most befriendeth my dark, and dull, and backward soul, in its undertaken progress, and heavenly conversation! Or if there be none such upon earth, let me here take one for my friend! O blot out every Name from my corrupted heart, which hindereth the deeper engraving of thy Name! Ah Lord, what a stone, what a blind ungrateful thing, is a Heart not touched with celestial Love! yet shall I not run to thee, when I have none else that will know me! shall I not draw near thee, when all fly from me! When daily experience cryeth out so loud [NONE BUT CHRIST: GOD OR NOTHING.] Ah foolish Heart, that hast thought of it [Where is that place, that Cave or Desert, where I might soonest find thee, and fullest enjoy thee? Is it in the wilderness that thou walkest, or in the croud: in the Closet, or in the Church; where is it that I might soonest meet with God?] But alas, I now perceive, that I have a Heart to find, before I am like to find my Lord! O Loveless, Lifeless, stony heart! that's dead to him that gave it Life! and to none but him! Could I not Love, or Think, or Feel at all, methinks I were less dead than now? Less dead, if dead, than now I am alive? I had almost said [Lord, let me never Love more till I can Love thee? Nor think more on any thing till I can more willingly think of thee?] But I must suppress that wish; for Life will act: And the mercies and motions of Nature are necessary to those of Grace. And therefore in the life of Nature, and in the glimmerings of thy Light, I will wait for more of the Celestial life! My God, thou hast my consent! It is here attested under my hand: Separate me from what and whom thou wilt, so I may but be nearer thee! Let me Love thee more, and feel more of thy Love, and then let me Love or be beloved of the world, as little as thou wilt.
I thought self-love had been a more predominant thing: But now I find that Repentance hath its anger, its Hatred and its Revenge! I am truly Angry with that Heart that hath so oft and foolishly offended thee! Methinks I hate that Heart that is so cold and backward in thy love, and almost grudge it a dwelling in my breast! Alas when Love should be the life of Prayer, the life of holy Meditation, the life of Sermons and of holy Conference, and my soul in these should long to meet thee, and delight to mention thee, I straggle Lord, I know not whether! or I sit still and wish, but do not rise and run and follow thee, yea, I do not what I seem to do. All's dead, all's dead, for want of Love! I often cry, O where is that place, where the quickening beams of Heaven are warmest, that my soul night seek it out! But whether ever I go, to City or to Solitude, alas, I find it is not Place that makes the difference. I know that Christ is perfectly replenished with Life and Light, and Love Divine: And I hear him as our Head and Treasure proclaimed and offered to us in the Gospel! This is thy Record, that he that hath the Son hath Life! O why then is my barren soul so empty! I thought I had long ago consented to thy offer; and then according to thy Covenant, both He and Life in him are mine! And yet must I still be dark and dead!
Ah dearest Lord, I say not that I have too long waited! but if I continue thus to wait, wilt thou never find the time of Love? and come and own thy gasping worm? wilt thou never dissipate these clouds, and shine upon this dead and darkened soul? Hath my Night no Day? Thrust me not from thee, O my God! For that's a Hell, to be thrust from God. But sure the cause is all at home, could I find it out, or ra…her could I cure it! It is sure my face that's turned from God, when I say, His face is turned from me. But if my Life must here be out of sight, and hidden in the Root (with Christ in God,) and if all the rest be reserved for that better world, and I must here have but these small beginnings, O make me more to Love, and long for the blessed day of thine appearing, and not to fear the time of my deliverance, nor unbelievingly to linger in this Sodom, as one that had rather stay with sin, then come to thee! Though sin hath made me backward to the fight, let it not make me backward to receive the Crown; Though it hath made me a loiterer in thy work, let it not make me backward to receive that wages, which thy Love will give to our pardoned, poor, accepted services. Though I have too oft drawn back, when I should have come unto thee, and walked with thee in thy ways of Grace, yet heal that unbelief, and disaffection, which would make me to draw back, when thou callest me to possess thy Glory? Though the sickness and lameness of my soul have hindered me in my journy, yet let their painfulness help me to desire to be delivered from them, and to be at home, where (without the interposing nights of thy displeasure) I shall fully feel thy fullest Love, and walk with thy Glorified on…s in the Light of thy Glory, triumphing in thy Praise for evermore. Amen.
BUT now I have given you these few Directions for the improvement of your solitude for converse with God, lest I should occasion the hurt of those that are unfit for the Lesson I have given, I must conclude with this Caution (which I have formerly also published,) That it is not malencholly or weak-headed persons, who are not able to bear such exercises, for whom I have written these Directions. Those that are not able to be much in serious solitary thoughtfulness, without confusions and distracting suggestions, and hurrying vexatious thoughts, must set themselves for the most part to those duties which are to be done in company by the help of others; and must be very little in solitary duties: For to them whose natural faculties are so diseased or weak, it is no duty, as being no means to do them the desired good; but while they strive to do that which they are naturally unable to endure, they will but confound and distract themselves, and make themselves unable for those other duties which yet they are not utterly unfit for. To such persons therefore instead of ordered, well-digested Meditations, and much time spent in secret thoughtfulness, it must suffice that they be brief in secret Prayer, and take up with such occasional abrupter. Meditations as they are capable of, and that they be the more in reading, hearing, conference, and praying and praising God with others: untill their melancholly distempers are so far overcome, as that (by the direction of their Spiritual Guides) they may judge themselves fit for this improvement of their Solitude.
FINIS.