The Life of Margaret Wife of Richard Baxter, Chapter 9
CHAP. IX. Of her Bodily Infirmities, and her Death.
§. 1. HER diseased frightfulness, and many former sicknesses, I have mentioned before. A great pain of the Head held her from her youth, two or three days every Fortnight, or little more; and upon every thing that did irritate the matter, she had a constant straitness in the Lungs, a great incapacity of much exercise, motion, or any heating thing. Ever since her sickness, 1659. she hath lived in an ill-conceited fear of distraction, which greatly hurt her; It was because she had an Aunt long so, deceased, and her Parents were naturally passionate, and her spirits over-quick, and her blood thin and Mobile; and though wisdom hid it from others in her converse, she felt the trouble of her own mind in things, as aforesaid, that much displeased her; and so lived in a constant fear, which tended to have brought on her what she feared: But her understanding was so far from failing, that it was higher and clearer than other peoples; but like the treble strings of a Lute, strained up to the highest, sweet, but in continual danger.
§. 2. About three years ago, by the mis-perswasion of a friend, drinking against the Collick a spoonful of powdered Ginger every morning, near a quarter of a year together, and then falling into some over-whelming thoughts; besides it overthrew her Head for a few days, but God, in great mercy, soon restored her.
§. 3. Ever since that time her Head-ach abated, and she complained of a pain in one of her Breasts, and her uncurable timerousness setled her in a conceit that she should have a Cancer (which I saw no great cause to fear); but she could neither endure to hear that it was none, or that it was; but in fearing uncertainty, prepared constantly for a sad death: And several Friends, Neighbours and Relations lately dying of Cancers, increased her fear: but she seemed to be prepared cheerfully to undergo it.
§. 4. The many and weekly rumors of Plots, Firings, Massacres, &c. much increased this fear, as is aforesaid; and the death of very many Neighbours, young, strong, and excellent Christians, of greatest use, and many near friends, did greatly add to her sadness and expectations of death. But little of this was seen to any; she purposely carried it pleasantly, and as merrily to others, when she was troubled.
§. 5. The fears of a Cancer made her take the Waters for Physick often, and she kept down her body so in her diet, that about five Ounces of Milk, or Milk and Water, with a little Chocolate in it, morning and night, and about one or two bits at Dinner was her diet for many years.
§. 6. At last, about ten weeks before her sickness, almost all her pain went out of her Breast, and all fixed in a constant pain upon the right Kidney, and with the pain her Urine stopt, that about four parts of five ceased for about ten weeks. She divers days drunk Barnet-Waters; but I think they were the last occasion of her sickness, and too much tincture of Amber, which work't too powerfully on her Brain, and suddenly cast her into strong disturbance and deliration; in which, though the Physicians, with great kindness and care, did omit nothing in their power, she died the 12th day: She fell sick on Friday, Iune 3. 1681. and died Iune 14.
§. 7. Though her understanding never perfectly returned, she had a very strong remembrance of the affecting passages of her life, from her childhood. Mrs. Corbet (whom she dearly loved, and had newly got into the house to be her companion), with others, standing by, she cried out to me, My mother is in Heaven, and Mr. Corbet is in Heaven, and thou and I shall be in Heaven. And even in her last weakness was perswaded of her salvation.
§. 8. She oft shewed us, that her soul did work towards God, crying out (complaining of her Head), Lord make me know what I have done, f…r which I undergo all this. Lord, I submit; God chooseth best for me. She desired me to pray by her, and seemed quietly to join to the end: She heard divers Psalms, and a Chapter read, and repeated part, and sung part of a Psalm her self. The last words that she spake were, My God help me, Lord have mercy upon me.
§. 9. God had been so many years training her up under the expectations and preparations for death, as made the case of her soul less grievous to me, as no way doubting of her salvation; and knowing that a distracting Feaver, or a Phrensie, or an Inflamation, or disturbance of the Animal Spirits, or Brain, or an Impostume may befal the best as soon as the worst. I thank God that she was never under any Melancholly, which tempted her to any of those doleful evils, which many Score, I think, that have been with me (of several ways of education) have been sadly tempted to. She near 19. year lived with me cheerful, wise, and a very useful life, in constant Love, and Peace, and Concord, except our differing Opinions about tri…al occurrences, or our disputing or differing mode of talk.
§ 10. She was buried on Iune 17. in Christs-Church, in the Ruines, in her own Mothers Grave. The Grave was the highest, next the old Altar, or Table in the Chancel, on which this her Daughter had caused a very fair, rich, large Marble-stone to be laid, Anno 1661. about 20. years ago; on which I caused to be written her Titles, and some Latin Verses, and these English ones,
Thus must thy flesh to silent dust descend,
Thy mirth and worldly pleasure thus will end:
Then happy holy souls, but wo to those
Who Heaven forgot, and earthly pleasures chose:
Hear now this Preaching Grave without delay,
Believe, repent, and work while it is day.
But Christs-Church on earth is liable to those changes of which the Ierusalem above is in no danger. In the doleful-flames of London, 1666. the fall of the Church broke this great Marble all to pieces, and it proved no lasting Monument; and I hope this Paper-Monument, erected by one that is following, even at the door, in some passion indeed of love, and grief, but in sincerity of truth, will be more publickly useful and durable than that Marble-stone was.