The Practice of Christian Graces, Partition 14
PARTITION XIV.
Of DUTY to PARENTS. Magistrates, Pastors, &c. Of the DUTY of PARENTS to Children, &c.
§. 1. THE first of those neerer sorts of relations, is that of a Parent; Duty to Parents.And here it will be necessary to consider the several sorts of Parents, according to which the duty to them is to be measured. Those are these three, the Civil, the Spiritual, the Natural.
2. The Civil Parent is he,Dues to the Supreme Magistrate whom God hath establisht the Supreme Magistrate, who by a just right possesses the throne in a Nation. This is the common Father of all those that are under his authority. The duty we owe to this Parent is,Honour. first, Honour and Reverence, looking on him, as upon one, on whom God hath stamped much of his own power and authority, and therefore paying him all honour and esteem, never daring, upon any pretence whatsoever, to speak evil of the ruler of our people, Acts 23. 5.
3. Secondly, Tribute.Paying Tribute; This is expresly commanded by the Apostle, Rom. 13. 6. Pay ye tribute also, for they are Gods Ministers attending continually upon this very thing. God has set them apart as Ministers for the common good of the people, and therefore 'tis all justice, they should be maintained, and supported by them. And indeed when it is considered, what are the cares, and troubles of that high calling, how many thorns are plated in every Crown, we have very little reason to envy them these dues, and it may truly be said, there is none of their poor labouring subjects, that earns their living so hardly.
4. Thirdly, We are to pray for them:Prayers for them. this is also expresly commanded by the Apostle, 1 Tim. 2. 2. to be done for Kings, and for all that are in authority. The businesses of that calling are so weighty, the dangers and hazards of it so great, that they of all others need prayers for Gods direction, assistance, and blessing, and the prayers that are thus poured out for them, will return into our own bosomes, for the blessings they receive from God tend to the good of the people, to their living a quiet and peaceable life, as it is in the close of the verse forementioned.
5. Fourthly, Obedience.We are to pay them Obedience. This is likewise strictly charged by the Apostle, 1 Pet. 2. 13. Submit your selves to every ordinance of man for the Lords sake, whether it be to the King as Supreme, or unto Governours as those that are sent by him; We owe such an obedience to the Supreme power, that whoever is authorised by him, we are to submit to, and St. Paul likewise is most full to this purpose, Rom. 13. 1. Let every Soul be subject to the higher powers; and again, ver. 2. Whosoever resisteth the pouers, resisteth the Ordinance of God. And 'tis observable that these precepts were given at a time, when those powers were Heathens, and cruel persecutors of Christianity, to shew us, that no pretence of the wickedness of our rulers can free us of this duty. An obedience we must pay either active, or passive: the active in the case of all lawful commands; That is, whenever the Magistrate commands something, which is not contrary to some Command of God, we are then bound to act according to that command of the Magistrate, to do the thing he requires. But when he injoins any thing contrary to what God hath Commanded, we are not then to pay him this active obedience, we may, nay we must refuse thus to act, (yet here we must be very well assured that the thing is so contrary, and not pretend conscience for a cloak of stubborness) we are in that case to obey God rather then man. But even this is a season for the passive obedience, we must patiently suffer, what he inflicts on us, for such refusal, and not, to secure our selves, rise up against him. For who can stretch his hand against the Lords anointed, and be guilt less? sayes David to Abishai, 1 Sam. 26 9. and that at a time when David was under a great persecution from Saul, nay, had also the assurance of the Kingdom after him; and St. Pauls sentence in this case is most heavy, Rom. 13. 2. They that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. Here is very small incouragement to any to rise up against the lawful Magistrate, for though they should so far prosper here, as to secure themselves from him by this means, yet there is a King of kings, from whom no power can shelter them, and this damnation in the close will prove a sad prize of their victories. What is on the other side the duty of the Magistrate to the people will be vain to mention here, none of that rank being like to read this treatise, and it being very useless for the people to inquire, what is the duty of their Supreme, wherein the most are already much better read, then in their own, it may suffice them to know that whatsoever his duty is, or however performed, he is accountable to none but God and no failing of his pa…t, can warrant them to fail of theirs.
6 The second sort of Parents are the spiritual;Duties to our Pastors That is, the Ministers of the Word, whether such, as be Governours in the Church, or others under them, who are to perform the same Offices to our Souls, that our natural Parents do to our bodies. Thus St. Paul tels the Corinthians, that in Christ Iesus he had begotten them through the Gospel, 1 Cor 4. 15. and the Galatians, chap. 4. 19. that he travels in birth of them, till Christ he formed in them; and again, 1 Cor. 3. 2. He had fed them with milk; that is, such Doctrines as were agreeable to that infant state of Christianity they were then in, but he had stronger meat for them of full age, Heb. 5. 14. All these are the Offices of a Parent, and therefore they that perform them to us, may well be accounted as such.
7. Our duty to these is first to love them,Love. to bear them that kindness, which belongs to those who do us the greatest benefits. This is required by St. Paul, 1 Thes 5. 13. I beseech you, brethren, mark them which labour among you and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you, and esteem them very highly in love for their works sake. The work is such as ought in all reason to procure them love, it being of the highest advantage to us.
8. Secondly, Esteem.'Tis our duty to value and esteem them, as we see in the text now mentioned; and surely this is most reasonable, if we consider either the nature of their work, or who it is that imployes them. The nature of their work is of all others the most excellent; we use to value other professions proportionably to the dignity and worth of the things they deal in. Now surely there is no Merchandize of equal worth with a Soul, and this is their Traffick, rescuing precious Souls from perdition. And if we consider further, who it is that imployes them, it yet adds to the reverence due to them. They are Ambassadours for Ch…ist, 2 Cor. 5. 20. and Ambassadours are by the Lawes of all Nations to be used with a respect, answerable to the quality of those that send them. Therefore Christ tels his disciples, when he sends them out to preach, He that despiseth you despiseth me, and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me. Luk. 10. 16. It seems there is more depends on the despising of Ministers, then men ordinarily consider, 'tis the despising of God and Christ both. Let those think of this, who make it their pastime, and sport to affront, and deride this calling. And let those also, who dare presume to exercise the Offices of it, without being lawfully called to it, which is a most high presumption; 'Tis as if a man on his own head should go, as an Ambassadour from his Prince; the Apostle sayes of the Priests of the Law, which yet are inferiour to those of the Gospel, That no man taketh this honour to himself, but he which was called of God, Heb. 5 4. How shall then any man dare to assume this greater honour to himself, that is not called to it; Neither will it suffice to say, they have the inward call of the spirit; for since God hath establisht an order in the Church, for the admitting men to this Office, they that shall take it upon them without that authority, resist that ordinance, and are but of the number of those theeves and robbers, as our Saviour speaks, Jo. 10. which c…me not in by the door. Besides the sad experience of these times shew, that many who pretend most to this inward call of the Spirit, are called by some other spirit, then that of God, the doctrines they v…nt being usually directly contrary to that word of his, on which all true Doctrines must be founded. Such are to be lookt on as those seducers, those false prophets, whereof we are so often warned in the Epistles of the Apostles. And whosoever countenances them, or followes them, partakes with them in their guilt. It is recorded of Jereboam, as a crying sin, that he made of the meanest of the people Priests; that is, such as had by Gods institution no right to it, and whoever hearkens to these uncalled preachers, run into that very sin, for without the incouragement of being followed, they would not long continue in the course, and therefore they that give them that incouragement, have much to answer for, and are certainly guilty of the sin of despising their true Pastors, when they shall thus set up these false apostles against them. This is a guilt this age is too much concerned in, God in his mercy so timely convince us of it, as may put a stop to that confusion and impiety, which breaks in so fast upon us by it.
9 Thirdly, Maintenance.We owe to them maintenance: but of this I have spoken already in the first part of this Book, and shall not here repeat. Fourthly, We owe them obedience, Obey them, Obedience.saith the Apostle, that have the rule over you and submit your selves, for they watch for your Souls, Heb. 13. 17. This obedience is to be paid them in spiritual things; that is, whatsoever they out of Gods word shall declare to us, to be Gods Commands, these we are diligently to obey, remembring that it is not they, but God requires it, according to that of Christ, he that heareth you heareth me, Luk. 10. 16. And this whether it be delivered by the way of publick preaching, or private exhortation, for in both, so long as they keep them to the rule, which is Gods Word, they are the Messengers of the Lord of Hosts, Mal. 2. 7. This obedience the Apostle inforceth from a double motive, one taken from their Ministry, another from themselves. They watch, sayes he, for your Souls, as they that must give account that they may do it with joy, andt no with grief; The people are by their obedience to enable their Pastors to give a comfortable account of their Souls, and it is a most unkind return of all their care and labours; to be put to grieve for the ill success of them. But then in the second place, 'tis their own concernment also; they may put their Ministers to the discomfort of seeing all their pains cast away, but themselves are like to get little by it, that (sayes the Apostle, Heb. 13. 17.) will be unprofitable for you; 'tis your selves, that will finally prove the loosers by it, you loose all those glorious rewards, which are offered, as the crown of this obedience, you get nothing but an addition to your sin, & punishment, for as our Saviour tels the Pharisees, If he had not come and spoken to them they had not had sin, Jo. 15. 24 that is in comparison with what they then had; so certainly they that never had the Gospel preached to them, are much more innocent then they that have heard and resisted it. And for the punishment, what Christ told those to whom he had preached, That it should be more tolerable for Tyre and Sydon, which were Heathen Cities, then for them, the same undoubtedly we may conclude of our selves.
10. Lastly, Prayer for them.We are to pray for them; This St. Paul every where requires of his Spiritual children; thus Eph. 6. 7, 8. having commanded prayer for all Saints, he adds, And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the Gospel; and so again, Col 4. 3. And this remains still a duty to these Spiritual Fathers, to pray for such assistances of Gods Spirit to them, as may enable them rightly to discharge that Holy Calling. I shall omit to set down here, what is the duty of Ministers to the people, upon the same consideration, on which I forbare to mention the duty of Magistrates.
11. The third sort of parent is the natural, Duties to our natural Parents.the fathers of our flesh, as the Apostle calls them, Heb. 12. 9. And to these we owe several duties, as first we owe them reverence,Reverence. and respect; we must behave our selves towards them with all humility, and observance, and must not upon any pretence of infirmity in them, despise or contemn them, either in outward behaviour, or so much as inwardly in our hearts. If indeed they have infirmities, it must be our business to cover, and conceal them; like Shem, and Japhet, who while cursed Cham publisht and disclosed the nakedness of their father, covered it, Gen. 9. 23. and that in such a manner too, as even themselves might not behold it. We are as much as may be to keep our selves from looking on those nakedness of our parents, which may tempt us to think irreverently of them. This is very contrary to the practice of too many children, who do not only publish and deride the infirmities of their parents, but pretend they have those infirmities they have not; there is ordinarily such a pride, and headiness in youth, that they cannot abide to submit to the counsels, and directions of their Elders, and therefore to shake them off, are willing to have them pass for the effects of dotage, when they are indeed the fruits of sobriety, and experience. To such the exhortation of Solomon is very necessary, Pro. 23. 22. Hearken to thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when shee is old. A multitude of texts more there are in that book, to this purpose, wh…ch shews that the wisest of men thought it necessary for children to attend to the counsel of their parents. But the youth of our age set up for wisdom, the quite contrary way, and think they then become wits, when they are advanced to the dispising the counsel, yea mocking the persons of their parents. Let such if they will not practice the exhortations, yet remember the threatning of the wise man, Pro. 30. 17. The eye that mocketh his father and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young Eagles shall eat it.
A second duty to them is love; Love.we are to bear them a reall kindness, such as may make us heartily desirous of all manner of good to them, and abhor to do any thing that may grieve or disquiet them. This will appear but common gratitude; when 'tis remembred, what our parents have done for us, how they were not only the instruments of first bringing us into the world, but also of susteining and supporting us after; and certainly they that rightly weigh the cares and fears, that go to the bringing up of a child, will judg the love of that child to be but a moderate return for them. This love is to be exprest several ways, first, in all kindness of behaviour, carrying our selves not only with an awe, and respect, but with kindness and affection, and therefore most gladly and readily doing those things, which may bring joy and comfort to them, and carefully avoiding whatever may grieve, and afflict them. Secondly, this love is to be exprest in praying for them. The debt a child owe to a parent is so great, that he can never hope himself to discharge it; he is therefore to call in Gods aid, to beg of him, that he will reward all the good his parents have done for him, by multiplying his blessings upon them; what shall we then say to those children, that in stead of calling to heaven for blessings on their parents, ransack hell for curses on them, and powre out the blackest execrations against them? This is a thing so horrid, that one would think there needed no perswasion against it, because none could be so vile, as to fall into it, but we see God himself, who best knows mens hearts, saw it possible; and therefore laid the heaviest punishment upon it: He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death, Exod. 21. 17. And alas! our daily experience tels us, 'tis not onelyonly possible, but common even this of uttering curses. But 'tis to be feared, there is another, yet more common, that is the wishing curses, though fear or shame keep them from speaking out. How many children are there, that either through impatience of the Government, or greediness of the possessions of the Parents, have wisht their deaths? But whoever doth so, let him remember, that how stylie and fairly soever he carry it before men, there is one that sees those secretest wishes of his heart, and in his sight he assuredly passes for this hainous offender, a curser of his Parents. And then let it be considered, that God hath as well the power of punishing, as of seeing, and therefore since he hath pronounced death to be the reward of that sin, 'tis not unreasonable to expect he may himself inflict it; that they who watch for the death of their Parents, may untimely meet with their own. The fifth Commandment promiseth long life as the reward of honouring the Parent, to which 'tis very agreeable that untimely death be the punishment of the contrary, and sure there is nothing more highly contrary to that duty, then this we are now speaking of, the cursing our Parents.
14. The third duty we owe to them is obedience; Obedience.This is not onelyonly contained in the fifth Commandment, but expresly injoined in other places of Scripture. Eph. 6. 1. Children obey your Parents in the Lord, for this is right; and again, Col. 3. 20. Children obey your Parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. We owe them an obedience in all things, unless where their commands are contrary to the commands of God, for in that case our duty to God must be preferred, and therefore if any Parent shall be so wicked, as to require his child to steal, to lye, or to do any unlawful thing, the child then offends not against his duty, though he disobey that command, nay, he must disobey, or else he offend against a higher duty, even that he owes to God, his Heavenly Father. Yet when 'tis thus necessary to refuse obedience, he should take care to do it in such a modest, and respectful manner, that it may appear 'tis conscience onelyonly, and not stubborness moves him to it. But in case of all lawful commands; that is, when the thing commanded is either good, or not evil, when it hath nothing in it contrary to our duty to God, there the child is bound to obey, be the command in a weightier or lighter matter; How little this duty is regarded is too manifest every where in the world, where Parents generally have their children no longer under command, then they are under the rod; when they are once grown up, they think themselves free from all obedience to them, or if some do continue to pay it, yet let the motive of it be examined, and 'twill in too many be found onelyonly worldly prudence; They fear to displease their Parents, lest they should shorten their hand toward them, and so they shall loose somewhat by it; but how few are there that obey purely upon conscience of duty? This sin of disobedience to Parents was by the Law of Moses punishable with death, as you may read Deut 21. 18. but if Parents now a dayes should proceed so with their children, many might soon make themselves chidless.
15. But of all acts of disobedience, Especially in their Marriage.that of marrying against the consent of the Parent, is one of the highest. Children are so much the goods, the possessions of the Parent, that they cannot without a kind of theft, give away themselves without the allowance of those, that have the right in them, and therefore we see under the Law, the Maid that had made any vow, was not suffered to perform it, without the consent of the Parent. Num. 30. 5. the right of the Parent was thought of force enough to cancel, and make void the Obligation, even of a vow, and therefore surely it ought to be so much considered by us as to keep us from making any such, whereby that right is infringed.
16. A fourth duty to the Parent is to assist, Ministring to their wants.and minister to them in all their wants of what kind soever, whether weakness, and sickness of body, decayedness of understanding, or poverty, and lowness of estate, in all these the child is bound according to his ability, to relieve and assist them: for the two former, weakness of body, and infirmity of mind, none can doubt of the duty, when they remember how every child did in his infancy receive the very same benefit from the Parent, the child had then no strength to support, no understanding to guide it self; the care of the Parents was fain to supply both these to it, and therefore in common gratitude, whenever either of these becomes the Parents case, as sometimes by great age, or some accident both do, the child is to perform the same offices back again to them. As for that of relieving their poverty, there is the very same Obligation to that with the former, it being but just to sustain thy Parent who has formerly sustained thee; but besides this Christ himself teaches us, that th…s is contained within their precept of honouring the Parents, for when Mar. 7. 13. he accuses the Pharisees of rejecting the Commandment of God, to cleave to their own traditions, he instances in this particular, concerning the relieving of Parents, whereby 'tis manifest that this is a part of that duty which is injoined in the fifth Commandment, as you may see at large in the Text, and such a duty it is that no pretence can absolve, or acquit us of it. How then shall those answer it, that deny relief to their poor Parents, that cannot part with their own excesses, and superfluities, which are indeed their sins, to satisfie the necessities of those to whom they owe their being? Nay, some there are, yet worse, who out of pride scorn to own their Parents in ther poverty; Thus it often happens, when the child is advanced to dignity or wealth, they think it a disparagement to them to look on their Parents that remain in a low condition, it being the betraying, as they think, to the world the meanness of their birth, and so the poor Parent fares the worse for the prosperity of his child. This is such a pride and unnaturalness together, as will surely find a sharp vengeance from God, for if Solomon observe of pride alone, that it is the fore-runner of destruction, Prov. 16. 18. we may much rather conclude so of it, when it is thus accompanied.
17. To this that hath been said of the duty of children to the…r Parents,Duty to be paid even to the worst Parents. I shall add onelyonly this: That no unkindness, no fault of the Parent can acquit the child of this duty, but as St. Peter tels servants, 1 Pet. 2. 18. that they must be subject not onelyonly to the good and gentle masters, but also to the froward, so certainly it belongs to children to perform duty not onelyonly to the kind and vertuous, but even to the harshest, and wicked'st Parent. For though the gratitude due to a kind Parent, be a very forcible motive to make the child pay his duty, yet that is not the onelyonly, nor chiefest ground of it; That is laid in the Command of God, who requires us thus to honour our Parents, and therefore though we should suppose a Parent so unnatural, as never to have done any thing to oblige the child, (which can hardly be imagined) yet still the Command of God continues in force, and we are in conscience of that, to perform that duty to our Parents, though none of the other tye of gratitude should lye on us.
But as this is due from the child to the Parents,Duty of Parents to children. so on the other side there are other things also due from the Parents to the child, and that throughout the several states, and ages of it.
18. First, To Nourish them.There is the care of nourishing and sustaining it, which begins from the very birth, and continues a duty from the Parent, till the child be able to perform it to himself; This is a duty, which nature teaches, even the savages beasts, have a great care and tenderness in nourishing their young, and therefore may serve to reproach and condemn all Parents, who shall be so unnatural as to neglect this. I shall not here enter into the question whether the mother be obliged to give the child its first nourishment, by giving it suck her self, because 'twill not be possible to affirm universally in the case, there being many circumstances, which may alter it, and make it not onelyonly lawful, but best not to do it; all I shall say, is, that where no impediment of sickness, weakness, or the like does happen, 'tis surely best for the mother her self to perform this office, there being many advantages to the child by it, which a good Mother ought so far to consider, as not to sell them to her own sloth, or niceness, or any such unworthy motive, for where such onelyonly are the grounds of forbearing it, they will never be able to justifie the omission, they being themselves unjustifiable.
But besides this first care,Bring them to Baptism. which belongs to the body of the child, there is another, which should begin neer as early, which belongs to their Souls, and that is the bringing them to the Sacrament of Baptism, thereby to procure them an early right to all those precious advantages, which that Sacrament conveyes to them. This is a duty the Parents ought not to delay, it being most reasonable, that they who have been instruments to convey the stain and pollution of sin to the poor Infant, should be very earnest and industrious to have it washt off, as soon as may be: Besides the life of so tender a creature is but a blast, and many times gone in a moment, and though we are not to despair of Gods mercy to those poor children, who dye without Baptism, yet surely those Parents commit a great fault, by whose neglect it is, that they want it.
19. Secondly,Educate them. The Parents must provide for the education of the child; they must, as Solomon speaks, Prov. 22. 6. Train up the child in the way he should go. As soon therefore as children come to the use of reason, they are to be instructed, and that first in those things, which concern their eternal well-being, they are by little and little to be taught all those things, which God hath Commanded them, as their duty to perform; as also what glorious rewards he hath provided for them, if they do it, and what grievous and eternal punishments, if they do it not. These things ought as early, as is possible, to be instilled into the minds of children, which (like new vessels) do usually keep the savour of that, which is first put into them, and therefore it neerly concerns all parents to look they be at first thus seasoned with Vertue and Religion. 'Tis sure if this be neglected, there is one ready at hand to fill them with the contrary, the devil wil be diligent enough to instil into them all wickedness and vice, even from their cradles, and there being also in all our natures so much the greater aptness to evil, then to good, there is need of great care and watchfulness, to prevent those endeavours of that enemy of Souls, which can no way be, but by possessing them at first with good things, breeding in them a love to vertue, & a hatred of vice, that so when the temptations come, they may be armed against them. This surely is above all things the duty of Parents to look after, and the neglect of it is a horrible cruelty; We justly look upon those Parents, as most unnatural wretches, that take away the life of their child; but alas! that his mercy and tenderness, compared to this of neglecting his education, for by that he ruines his Soul, makes him miserable eternally; and God knowes, multitudes of such cruel Parents there are in the world, that thus give up their children to be possest by the Devil, for want of an early acquainting them with the wayes of God; nay, indeed how few there are, that do conscionable perform this duty, is too apparent by the strange rudeness, and ignorance, that is generally among youth: the children of those who call themselves Christians, being frequently as ignorant of God and Christ, as the meerest Heathens. But whoever they are, that thus neglect this great duty, let them know that it is not onelyonly a fearful misery they bring upon their poor children, but also a horrible guilt upon themselves. For as God sayes to the careless watchmen, Ezeck. 3. 18. That if any soul perish by his negligence, that soul shall be required at his hands, so surely will it fare with all parents, who have this office of watch-men intrusted to them by God over their own children: A second part of education is the bringing them up to some imployment, busying them in some honest exercise, whereby they may avoid that great snare of the Divel, Idleness, and also be taught some useful art or trade, whereby when they come to age, they may become profitable to the Commonwealth, and able to get an honest living to themselves.
20. To this great duty of educating of children, Meane towards the educating of children.there is required as means, first encouragement, secondly, correction: incouragement is first to be tryed, we should endeavour to make children in love with duty, by offering them rewards and invitations, and whenever they do well take notice of it, and encourage them to go on. It is an ill course some parents hold, who think they must never appear to their children, but with a face of sowreness and austerity; this seems to be that, which St. Paul forwarnes parents of, when he bids fathers not to provoke their children to wrath, Col. 3. 21. To be as harsh and unkind to them, when they do well, as if they do ill, is the way to provoke them; and then the Apostle tels us in the same verse, what will be the issue of it, they will be discouraged, they will have no heart to go on in any good course, when the parent affords them no countenance. The second means is correction, and this becomes seasonable, when the former will do no good, when all faire means, perswasions, and encouragements prevail not, then there is a necessity of using sharper; and let that be first tryed in words, I mean not by railing and foul language, but in sober, yet sharp reproof; but if that fail too, then proceed to blowes, and in this case as Solomon sayes, he that spareth his rod, hateth his son, Prov. 13. 24. 'Tis a cruel fondness, that to spare a few stripes at present, will adventure him to those sad mischiefs, which commonly befall the child, that is left to himself. But then this correction must be given in such a manner, as may be likely to do good; to which purpose it must first be given timely; the child must not be suffered to run on in any ill, till it have got a habit, and a stubborness too. This is a great error in many parents, they will let their children alone for divers years, to do what they list, permit them to lye, to steal, without ever so much as rebuking them, nay, perhaps please themselves to see the witty shifts of the child, and think it matters not what they do while they are little: But alas! all that while the vice gets root, and that many times so deep a one, that all they can do afterwards, whether by words or blowes, can never pluck it up. Secondly, correction must be moderate, not exceeding the quality of the fault, nor the tenderness of the child. Thirdly, it must not be given in rage, if it be, it w…ll not only be in danger of being immoderate, but it will lose its effect upon the child, who will think he is corrected, not because he has done a fault, but because his parent is angry, and so will rather blame the parent then himself, whereas on the contrary, care should be taken to make the child as sensible of the fault, as of the smart, without which he will never be throughly amended.The parent to watch over their souls even when they are grown up.
21. Thirdly, after children are grown up, & are past the age of education, there are yet other offices for the parent to perform to them: the parent is still to watch over them in respect of their souls, to observe how they practice those precepts, which were given them in their education, and accordingly to exhort, incourage, or reprove, as they find occasion.
22. So also for their outward estate,To provide for their subsistence. they are to put them into some course of living in the world; if God have blest the parents with wealth, according to what he hath, he must distribute to his children, remembring that since he was the instrument of bringing them into the world, he is according to his ability to provide for their comfortably living in it, they are therefore to be look't on very unnatural parents, who, so they may have enough to spend in their own riots, and excess, care not what becomes of their children, never think of providing for them. Another fault is usual among parents in this business; they defer all the provisions for them, till themselves be dead, heap up perhaps great matters for them against that time, but in the mean time afford them not such a competency, as may enable them to live in the world There are several mischiefs come from this: first it lessens the childs action to his parent, nay, sometimes it proceeds so far, as to make him wish his death, which though it be such a fault, as no tempt… tion can excuse in a child, yet 't…s also a great fault in a parent to g…ve that temptation. S… condly, it puts the child upon shifts, and tricks; many times dishonest ones, to supply his necessities; this is, I doubt not, a common effect of it, the hardness of parents has often put men upon very unlawful courses, which when they are once acquainted with, perhaps they never leave, though the fi…st occasion cease; and therefore parents ought to beware, how they run them upon those hazards. Besides the parent loses that contentment, which he might have in seeing his children live prosperously and comfortably, which none but an arrant earth-worm would exchange for the vain imaginary pleasure of having money in his chest. But in this business of providing for children, there is yet another thing to be heeded, and that is, that the parent get that wealth honestly, which he makes their portion; else 'tis very far from being a provision, there is such a curse goes along with an ill-gotten estate, that he that leaves such a one to his child, do but cheat, and deceive him, makes him believe he has left him wealth, but has withall put such a canker in the bowels of it, that is sure to eat it out. This is so common an observation that I need say nothing to confirm the truth… of it; would God it were as generally laid to heart, as it seems to be generally taken notice of: Then surely parents would not account it a reasonable motive to unjust dealing, that they may thereby provide for their children, for this is not a way of providing for them; n…y, 'tis the way to spoil them of whatever they have lawfully gathered for them, the least mite of unlawful gain being of the nature of leaven, which sowres the whole lump, bringing down curses upon all a man possesseth. Let all parents therefore satisfie themselves with such provisions for their children as God shall enable them honestly to make, assuring themselves how little soever it be, 'tis a better portion then the greatest wealth unjustly gotten, according to that of Solomom, Pro. 16. 8. Better is a little with righteousness, then great revenues without right.
23. A fourth thing the parent owes to the child is good example. To give them good example.he is not only to set him rules of vertue, and godliness; but he must himself give him a pattern in his own practice, we see the force of example is infinitely beyond that of precept, especia…ly where the person is one, to whom we bear a reverence, or with whom we have a continual conversation; both which usually meet in a Parent. It is therefore a most necessary care in all Parents to behave themselves so before their children, that their example may be a means of winning them to vertue; But alas! this age affords little of this care, nay, so far 'tis from it, that there are none more frequently the instruments of corrupting children, then their own Parents. And indeed how can it be otherwise, while men give themselves liberty to all wickedness, 'tis not to be hoped, but that the children which observe it, will imitate it; the child that sees his father drunk, will sure think, he may be so too, as well as his father. So he that bears him swear, will do the like, and so for all other vices, and if any Parent that is thus wicked himself, should happen to have so much more care of his childs Soul, then his own; as to forbid him the things which himself practices, or correct him for the doing them; 'tis certain the child will account this a great injustice in his father, to punish him for that, which himself freely does, and so he is never likely to be wrought upon by it. This consideration layes a most strict tye upon all Parents, to live Christianly, for otherwise they do not onelyonly hazard their own Souls, but those of their children also, and as it were purchase an estate of inheritance in Hell.
24. A fifth duty of Parents is blessing their children; To bless them.the way of doing that is double, first, by their prayer; they are by daily and earnest prayers to commend them to Gods protection and blessing, both for their spiritual and temporal estate, and secondly by their piety they are to be such persons themselves as that a blessing may descend from them upon their posterity. This is often promised in Scipture to godly men, that their seed shall be blessed. Thus in the second commandment, God promises to shew mercy to the thousand generation of them that love him and keep his commandments. And it is very observable in the Jews, that though they were a stiffe necked generation, and had very grievously provoked God, yet the godliness of their forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, did many times move God to save them from destruction: on the other side, we see that even good men have fared the worse for the iniquities of their fathers. Thus when Josiah had destroyed idolatry restored Gods service, and done good beyond all the Kings that were before him, yet there was an old arreare of Manasseh his grandfather, which all this piety of his would not blot out, but he resolves to cast Judah also out of his sight, as you may read at large, 2 Kings 23. If therefore parents have any bowels, any kindness towards their children, any real desire of their prosperity, let them take care by their own godly life to entaile a blessing upon them.
25 Sixthly, To give no unreasonable commands.parents must take heed, that they use their power over their children with equity, and moderation, not to oppress them with unreasonable commands, only to exercise their own author…ty, but in all things of weight to consider the real good of their children, and to presse them to nothing, which may not consist with that. This is a rule whereof parents may often have use, but in none greater, then in the business of marrying their children, wherein many that otherwise are good parents have been to blame, when out of an eagerness of bestowing them wealthily, they force them to marry utterly against their own inclinations, which is a great tyranny, and that which frequently betrayes them to a multitude of mischiefs, such as all the wealth in the world cannot repaire. There are two things, which parents ought especially to consider in the matching of their children; the first, how they may live Christianly, and to that purpose to chuse a vertuous and pious person, to link them with: the second is, how they may live cheerfully and comfortably in this world; and to that end though a competency of estate may be necessary to be regarded, yet surely abundance is no way requisite, and therefore that should not be too vehemently sought after; that which much more tends to the happiness of that state, is the mutual kindness, and liking of the parties, without which marriage is of all other the most uncomfortable condition, and therefore no parent ought to thrust a child into it. I have now done with the first sort of relation, that of a parent.