Gods Holy Mind Touching Matters Moral, Tract 2 · Part 52
Now touching the Husbands duty towards his Wife.
Quest: Wherein stands the due respect, and due carriage of the Husband towards his wife?
Answ. In three things.
1. First, in a wise and right vsage of his power and authority ouer his wife.
2. Secondly, in tender louelove to her.
3. Thirdly, in giuing honour to her.
Quest. Wherein stands the wise and right vsage of the Husbands power and authority ouer his wife?
Answ: In two things.
Quest: VVhat is the first of those?
Answ. This; in vsing it so,Gen. 3.16. Ephes. 5.23. 1 Cor. 11.3. as that hee keepe and maintaine his preheminence and superiority; in all things carrying himselfe as the head and gouernour of his Wife.
Quest: What is the second thing, wherein stands the wise and right vsage of the Husbands power and authority ouer his VVife?
Answ. This; in vsing his power and authority, not as a Tyrant ouer his Wife, after his owne lust and pleasure; but so as may be for her good in all things, and so as his gouernment be void of rigour and bitternesse;Gen. 2.22. 1 Pet. 3.7. Colos. 3.19. for he must bee her guide, Pro. 2.17. and gouerne her as the head doth the body, and as Christ the Church. Ephes. 5.23. and as brought to him of the Lord, as his yoake fellow, and heire with him of the same grace of life.
Quest. VVherein stands the husbands tender louelove to his wife?
Answ. In this;Gen. 2.24. Mat. 19.5.6. Mark. 10.7.8. in cleauing to his wife as one with himselfe by the bond of Marriage, in the true louelove and affection of his heart; in speciall manner louing her aboue all others.
Quest. Wherein is the husband to expresse his tender louelove, and speciall affection to his wife?
Answ. In louelove both to the body of his wife, and in louelove also to the soule of his wife.
Quest. Wherein is the husband to expresse his speciall louelove to the body of his wife?
Answ: In two things.
Quest: VVhat is the first of those?
Answ. It is this;Pro. 5.19.20. Malac. 2.14.15. the Husband is to content himselfe with the louelove of his owne wife only, and to keepe himselfe to her alone, both in his mind and body. Gen. 24.67. Isaack loued Rebecca, and had no more wiues but her, though in those dayes men had many wiues.
Quest. How is the Husband to manifest his contentation, that he is content with the louelove of his owne wife only?
Ans. By being willing to hauehave his abode with her as much as may bee, and as his calling will suffer him;1 Pet. 3.7. Gen. 26.8.9. Isai. 62.5. Pro. 5.18.19. and by liuing cheerefully with her, letting her hauehave all comfortable familiarity with him.
Quest. What is the second thing wherein the husband is to expresse his speciall louelove to the body of his wife?
2 Sam. 12.3. Ephes. 5.29.28.Answ. This; the Husband is carefully to regard the good of the body of his wife, as he regards the good of his owne body.
Quest. How is the husband to manifest his carefull regard of the good of the body of his wife?
Gen. 30.30. Exod. 21.10. Pro. 27.27. 1 Tim. 5.8. Gen. 20.16.Answ. By prouiding as the Lord makes him able, all things needfull and fitting for her maintenance, according to his place and calling, for the time of his life, and after his death, if he die before her, prouiding meate, drinke, apparrell; and ordering all things prouided to the best for Gods glory and her good; and by protecting her, as much as he is able from all iniuries, both at home and abroad.
Quest. Wherein is the husband to expresse his speciall louelove to the soule of his wife?
Answ. In this; in dwelling with her as a man of knowledge and vnderstanding,1 Pet. 3.7. Ephes. 5.25.26.27. 1 Cor. 7.16. being carefull, and vsing his best endeauour in wisedome and discretion to doe good to the soule of his wife; and to edifie, and to build vp her soule in grace and goodnesse, and to helpe her forward in the way of Saluation.
Quest. How is the Husband to manifest his care, and his wise endeauour to doe good to the soule of his wife, and to edifie, and to build vp her soule in grace and goodnesse?
Answ. Two waies.
Quest. VVhat is the first of those?
Answ. This; in going before his wife in good example; the Husband is to carry himselfe so wisely and so holily, as that his wife may see in him a patterne of holinesse and wisedome: for he is to bee her guid. Pro. 2.17.Pro. 2.17. hee is her Head: Ephes. 5.23.Ephes. 5.23. and he is wisely to lead her, and to goe in and out before her.
Quest. VVhat is the second way whereby the Husband is to manifest his care, and his wise endeauour, to doe good to the soule of his wife?
Answ. This; in vsing his best endeauour, either to plant good things, or to encrease them being already implanted in the soule of his wife, by teaching and instructing her; by giuing her good counsell, by encouraging and comforting her,1 Cor. 14.35. 1 Sam. 1.8. 2 Sam. 12.24. Gen. 25.21. Gen. 30.2. 2 Sam. 6.21. Iob. 2.10. and by praying for her: and likewise in vsing his best endeauour to amend, and to cure the things that are amisse in her, and to reclaime her when she doth offend in word or deede, the offence being such as lyeth in his power, to reclaime her from by seasonable and louing admonition, or reproofe, as occasion is offered.
Quest. How is the husband to order his admonition or reprofe of his wife, that it may be seasonable and louing?
Answ. Thus; he is not to admonish or reproue his wife, either when himselfe, or his wife are in heate of passion, or before others: but afterwards, and then with a quiet heart; and with compassion, that she may see that hee seekes not to ease himselfe on her, nor her disgrace; but that he seekes the good and saluation of her soule; for all reproofes must bee vsed in fit time, and when they may doe most good.Pro. 25.11.12:
Quest. May the Husband correct his wife or no?
Answ. No, he may not; wee find not in Scripture, either precept or example to that purpose. 1 Pet. 3.8. For the wife must not be affraid of terrour, or slauish feare. And the Husband and the Wife are one flesh, and none but a madde man will beate his owne flesh.
Obiection. Husbands are to louelove their wiues, as Christ loueth his Church; now Christ sometimes correcteth his Church with strokes, therefore Husbands may correct their wiues with stripes and strokes.
Quest. How shall we answer this?
Answ. Thus; Christ is not only the Husband, but also the absolute Lord and King of his Church; and so is not the Husband ouer his Wife, he hath not such absolute power ouer his Wife.
Obiection. The authority of the husband ouer his wife, is in some sort ciuill; it is as the authority of the Magistrate: now the Magistrate hath power to correct & to p…nish offenders. Therefore the Husband may correct and punish his wife offending.
Quest: How is this to be answered?
Answ Thus: the authority of the Husband, is not as the authority of the Magistrate, in the degree of it; for the Magistrate hath power of the Sword, to inflict punishment in the case of offence; but the husband hath no such power: the husbands power is only directorie, or at the most, reprehensiue: he hath power to direct, to counsell, and to command; or at the most to admonish,…os. 3.19. or reproue: but we find not in Scripture power giuen to the Husband, to punish his wife; that cannot stand with the louelove the Husband oweth to his wife.
…iection.What if the Husband be a Magistrate, may not he then inflict punishment on his wife, in case of offence deseruing punishment?
Answ. As he is an husband he may not; but only as he is a Magistrate, the offence being such as is punishable by the Magistrate; yet then punishment is rather to be inflicted on her by another, then by himselfe.
Quest. What if the wife grow to extreamities, and be desperately peruerse and out of order; what is the husband then to doe?
Answ. The husband is to beare her extreamities as much as is possible, as part of his crosse laid on him by the Lord: but if her extreamities be such as cannot be borne without danger of his life, or whole estate, then the husband may informe the Magistrate of his danger, and the Magistrate by his power may take order with her.
Quest. Wherein stands the husbands giuing honour to his wife?
Answ. In three things.
Quest. VVhat is the first of those?
Gen. 2.18.21 Pro. 31.27. 1 Tim. 5.14.Answ. This; in making account of his wife, as his companion and yoake fellow, and fellow helper: allowing her to helpe him in the gouernment of the Family; and leauing her, she being able and faithfull, in some houshold matters to her owne will, and to her owne iudgement and discretion: and maintaining her authority and honour, amongst children, seruants, and others in the house.
Quest. What is the second thing, wherein the husband is to giuegive honour to his wife?
Answ. This; in a wise and patient suffering, and bearing with the naturall infirmities of his wife: as her hastinesse, flownesse,Rom. 15.1. Galat. 6.2. 1 Pet. 3.7. waywardnesse, anger, and other passions and perturbations, so farre forth as they are displeasing to him. The rule is generall.
Quest. What is the third thing wherein the Husband is to giuegive honour to his wife?
Answ. This;Gen. 21.12. 1 Sam. 1.23: in suffering himselfe sometimes to be admonished or aduised by his wife.
Quest. Is the Husband, being a man in high place, a great man, a Magistrate, to giuegive honour to his wife, accounting her his companion, bearing with her naturall infirmities, and suffering himselfe sometimes to be admonished by his wife, she being but of meane parentage or condition, before marryage with her?
Answ. Yes, it is generall, and belongs to eueryevery husband without exception, to giuegive honour to his wife: the Apostles speake indefinitely. 1 Pet. 3.7.1 Pet. 3.7.