The Mystery of Self-Deceiving, Chapter 3
CHAP. III.
Of the deceit whereby we iudge our selues not to be so euil, as indeed weare.
VVE hauehave breefly runne ouer the former 2. part of harts deceitfulnesse, selfe de-ceit which ispart of the hearts deceitfulnesse, whereby it deceiueth others, not it selfe, with the seuerall parcels thereof: now we come to the second part of deceitfulnesse, and that farre more deepe, and dangerous then the former, namely that which wee may call selfe-deceit, whereby wee deceiue euen our selues, sometimes together with, sometimes againe without deceiuing others besides.
This deceitfulnesse may be considered either in the mind or affections iointly together, or in the affections twofold.separately, and by themselues.
The former deceitfulnesse shewes it selfe specially in 4. things: 1. in iudging, 2. in perswading, 3. in 1. In the mind and affections ioynctly shewing it selfe in foure things. 1. In iudging.promising, 4. in practising. For the first which is in iudging; though it may seeme that iudgement belongs properly to the mind, yet because heere the affections interpose themselues, and the erroneous iudgement of the mind commonly receiueth it tincture from the affections, I do therefore equally interest both the mind and affections in this first deceit. 1 Of our persons: where 3. Deceits. 1. Deceit is, That we are not so ill as we are either in regard of the time.Now the deceit of the heart in iudging is either in iudging of our persons, or of our actions.
In iudging of our persons there are specially three deceits; whereof the first is, when we think, through pride, and ignorance, that we are not so bad, as in truth we are. And this deceit is not only in regard of that wee iudge of our selues for the time present, but also past, and to come.
For the time present; how many are there grossely 1. Present.tainted with many horrible sinnes, which yet in no case they wil be brought to see, or acknowledge, nay so far are they blinded through selfe-louelove, and selfe deceit, that they will bee at daggers drawing with any that shal offer to lay such matters to their charge The Pharisee cackles and crakes in the Gospell, Luk. 18. 11.that hee is not vniust, nor an extortioner, hee thought himselfe free enough from those sinnes, & yet our Sauiour, who could not be deceiued, fasteneth this imputation vponupon that whole tribe, that howsoeuer the outside of the cup, and platter were very exquisitely mundified, yet the inside was full of rauenings and wickednesse. Whereupon he exhorteth Luk 13. 39. vers. 41.them by almes to make cleane those dishes, which euen swimmed with bloud, in regarde the meates in them, were gotten by euil meanes, as by deuouring of widdowes houses, through colour of long prayers; by teaching children euen to sterue their owne parents, to offer to the altar, that is indeede to their paunches, and purses. Was not this vniustice and extortion? and yet because it was something more cleanly carried, and not so grosse, and apparant, as that of the Publicanes, or common theeues, therefore he blesseth himselfe in a supposed freedome from that sinne, and triumpheth saying, I am no extortioner, no vniust person; Nay out of thine owne mouth shalt thou be iudged, thou deceitfull Pharisee. That shall cast thee, for when after thou saist, nor as this publican; is not this shamefull iniustice for thee to iudge another mans seruant, that standeth or falleth to his owne master? And when afterward thou gloriest in thine owne vertues, of fasting & paying of tithes, as though by these things thou hadst deserued to be kept by God, from breaking out into the scandals of adultery, and extortion, are not thou …n extortioner in the highest degree, that goest about to extort, and wring from God himselfe his most pretious treasure, his glory, which he will not giuegive to another? Thus many with the Pharisee thinke themselues innocent enough of theft, and such like crimes, and will wish they could no more be touched with other sinnes, when indeede they hauehave their hands very deepe in these transgressions, vsually robbing their brethren of their good name, which being aboue siluer & gold, the theft thereof must needs, proportionably, be aboue Prou. 22. 1.the theft of siluer and gold which is punished with the gallowes; nay robbing God himselfe of his worship: of his Sabbath, the time, and of his tithes, the props of his worship. What a mockery is Mal. 3. 8.it then for thee to talke of paying man his dues, when thou deniest God his? Or is it theft to rob thy fellow subiect, and none to rob thy King, and souereigne? So againe we may heare others purge themselues of couetousnesse, as though they were not at all giuen that way, onelyonly vponupon this ground, because they are no miching, and scraping niggardes, but rather wastfull, and riotous prodigals. Not considering that their prodigality cannot be vpheld, but by couetousnesse, in seeking for more then God hath alotted, and that by vngodly, and vniust practises. So others free themselues of pride, only because they exceede not in their apparrell, as others, when yet inwardly they are swollen with selfe-conceit, and no men thinke better of themselues, then they doe. Our ruffling, and swashing cutters, with whom a word and a blowe, a lie and a stabbe, thinke themselues of an heroicall spirit, and in no hand would indure the imputation of Pusillanimity, of basenesse of mind, and cowardize. Yet the truth is they are most base, and vile cowardes, slauishly yeelding to their owne vile affections, which to ouercome, and by repentance to be reuenged of, is a farre greater argument of a noble & generous spirit, thē to pursue so egerly the reuenge of eueryevery petty iniurie, which the Apostle disgraceth by a word that signifieth infirmity, and losse of victory. If it were true valour, why should not 1. Cor. 6. 7. foreign.they be as hazardous of their estates, and liues for Christes sake, and the gospell, when occasion requires? But then none so faint hearted, & dastardly as they. Infinite were it to follow all the particularities, whereby this deceit might be exemplified. Of all others this is the most generall branch thereof, when men thinke they hauehave not such and such corruptions, because they feele not the powerfull operation of them, by reason of Gods restrayning hande. Many naturall men there are whom God neuer renewed by his grace, in whom yet he so moderateth, and bridleth many corruptions, as pride, lust, cruelty, &c: that they breake not forth. Hence such men deceitfully imagine that they are framed of some purer mould, and are of a better nature, and disposition, free altogether from such corruptions, because free from the annoyance of them. As though a Lion were no Lion, when fettered, that hee cannot rampe, or a theefe no theefe when manacled, that he cannot steale, or the stone no stone, when so bedded in the bladder, that it cannot greatly vexe: Lest therefore wee deceiue our selues in this point, it standeth vsus in hand diligently to examine whether the rest and silence of our corruption be from the restraining, or the renewing spirit, from the Grace of God suppressing it, or oppressing it, from want of a mind disposed, or of an occasion to be proposed for the drawing forth of the corruption?
As thus we are deceiued in iudging of our selues 2. Past.for the time present, so also past and to come: for the time past, we hauehave an example in the Pharisees, that said, if they had liued in the daies of their Fathers, they would not hauehave murthered the Prophets, when Math. 23.yet their bloudy persecution of Christ, that taught no other doctrine, then that which the Prophets of old had done, might sufficiently discouer the deceitfulnesse of their harts in this kind. Thus what wicked miscreant is there, that will not bee ready to crye out vponupon the high Priests, the Iewes and trecherous Iudas, with the rest, that had their hands in Christs bloud; and as for them, if they had then liued, they should hauehave taken Christs part against the Iewes, and so Hooper, and Bradfords part against Bonner & Gardener? A likely matter: they now make so much of those, in whom the piety, and zeale of those holy martyrs is reuiued. Assuredly, hee that now, vnderunder the Gospell, sheweth a spiteful, and malitious mind to a good, and holy Christian, well may he deceiue himselfe, hee shall neuer deceiue mee so farre, as to make me thinke otherwise, then that if he had liued in holy Hoopers daies, hee would hauehave beene readie, with the forwardest, to hauehave carried a fagot to his stake, yea if he had liued in Christs daies, hee would hauehave he one ready to hauehave driuen in the first nayle into his body. Certainly, an Herod and Herodias to Iohn Baptist would hauehave beene an Ahab and Iezabell to Elias. And yet I make no question, but if one had asked either Herod or Herodias, what they thought of Ahabs & Iezabels dealings toward Elias, and what they would hauehave done in like case, I doubt not I say, but they would hauehave condemned thē to the very pit of hell, and made many goodly protestations, that if they had then liued, they would hauehave done farre otherwise: But in asmuch as they did the same things to a new Elias, the Baptist, that came in the spirit and power of Elias: it was thereby euident what they would hauehave done to the old Elias.
Lastly, we deceiue our selues in regard of the time 3. To come.to come, when we wil not take that notice of our corruption, as to think we are in danger of falling heerafter into those grosse and scandalous sinnes, which hetherto we hauehave auoided: thus, many wil not stick Thrasonically to boast, that if Poperie and persecution of the truth should againe reenter, yet they should neuer shrink. But a notable example for this purpose is that of Peter, who had so opened his eares to the voyce of his owne deceitfull and lying heart, that hee could not beleeue Christ himselfe, the God of truth, forewarning him of his threefold deniall, hee could not be perswaded there was so much wickednesse in his heart. So Hazael, when the Prophet told 2. Kings 8. 13.him he should cruelly rip vp the women with child, and dash their children against the stones, as thinking better of himselfe, then that euer hee should breake forth into such outrage, answered, not without some indignation, What am I a dogge? Yea that thou art, Hazael; and so naturally are al the sonnes of Adam, in their vitious qualities worse then dogges, beares, tigers. And thus, if our own harts deceiue vsus not, shall we iudge of our selues, that there is no sin so odious vntounto which of our selues we are not sufficiently inclinable. For originall sin, in which we are all bred & born, conteineth in it selfe the seeds of all sins, that fearful sin against the holy G. it selfe not excepted. And therefore by reason of this so corrupt & rotten a nature, wee hauehave a disposition, euen the best of vsus, to the vilest & most loathsome sinnes. One would hauehave thought that the Disciples, in regard of their educatiō & nurture, both vnderunder their parentes, in honest & frugal trades, and vnderunder our Sauiour, in holy & spirituall learning should hauehave bin farre enough frō surfeting & drunkennes, the sins of swaggerers, & not of sober, ciuill men, much lesse godly & zealous ministers. And yet vntounto them our Sauiour addresseth this admonition, Take heede vntounto your selues that your harts be not made heauy with surfeting and drunkennesse. Luc. 21. 34.For they had in them the common poison of nature, and so were obnoxious euen to the most shamefull and roproachfull euils. And yet, for all this, whose heart is there free from this deceit, of thinking himselfe free enough, and far enough from many, specially hatefull, and ignominious sinnes, as murther, theft, adultery, periury, apostacy and such like? Would not Dauid, thinke we, as well as Peter admonished of his future denial, hauehave made strange of it, if it had bene told him before hand, thou shalt defile Bathsheba, murther Vriah? Would he not hauehave Gal. 6. 1. interpreted.answered with Hazael, what am I a dogge? This deceit is exceeding dangerous, and therefore take wee heed of it. For whence is it, that men oftentimes, as it seemeth of mild and gentle natures, breake foorth into great rage, euen vntounto murther, and againe men of chast behauiour into filthy and brutish vncleannesse: whence is this I say, but from this deceitfulnesse of our harts, whereby we perswade our selues, that our nature is not so far venomed, that it should be likely to bring forth such pestilent euils? and therfore growing secure, and remitting of our watchfulnesse, we are the more easily ouerthrowen. Indeede some sinnes there are to which wee are not so much tempted, as others (as Luther saide of himselfe, that he neuer felt himselfe tempted to couetousnes:) yet there is no sinne, but we may both be tempted to, & through temptation fall into, if Gods vnderpropping hand withdraw it selfe. As the Apostle notably teacheth, exhorting to moderation towards our brethren fallen euē into fouler sins, vpō this ground, Considering thy selfe that thou maist bee tempted, euen with a powerfull and preuailing temptation, to fall into thy brothers sinne. The vse then of this point is to take heede of this deceit, and knowing our selues what wee are, to tremble and to feare euen those sinnes, which wee least suspect, and whereto wee find not our selues so pronely carried, as to others. Wee would be loath to trust a beare or wolfe, or any such like beast though by culture and manurance in their youth their inborne fiercenesse bee something mitigated. Still their naturall disposition sticks to them, and that will teach them to doe mischiefe Why then should wee repose any such confidence in our selues, that wee shall neuer lash out into such and such euils? Wee hauehave a Schoolemaster within, that naturall corruption that cleaues so fast vntounto vsus, that will be readie to teach vsus, yea to vrge and force vsus to the very height of iniquitie. Few will so trust their bodies, though neuer so sound and healthy, but that they will feare euen the most dangerous diseases, as the pox, the plague, and such like infections; for that they know that euen the bodies of the best constitution hauehave matter within, euen for the vilest disease to worke vponupon. Assuredly thy soule is a farre more fruitfull seminary of sinnes, then thy body of diseases. Why then shouldest thou suffer thy selfe to be deceiued more in the one then in the other? The heathen Philosopher commended this meditation to his schollers in the hearing of others faults; hauehave I done any such like thing? A good meditation; but yet, in case this questiō Numquid ego tale? Plato.greatly trouble vsus not, let vsus add this other, may I not do the like, or verse? This is the holy feare Gods Pro. 28.children should hauehave of themselues continually. Such as was that in the eleuen disciples, who hearing Christ foretelling, One of you shall betray me, eueryevery one in a godly iealousie and suspition of his owne naughtie heart, cried out, Master is it I? Master is it I? heere euen Peter himselfe, that a little before could not think his heart so vnsound, as to be fit to bring forth the mishapen brat of fearefull deniall, now (haply something schooled and cooled by the former so vehement and confident prediction of Christ) feareth the ougly and terrible monster of fearelesse and faithlesse betraying. In this latter feare imitate wee Peter, and not in his former presumption: for when once we shall intertaine this deceit, that there are any sinnes, which wee neede not greatly feare, then are wee neerest falling into them. And so often it commeth to passe, that whilest we carefully watch against those sinnes, wee see our selues by strong temptations daily drawen vntounto, and wholly neglect others wee thinke not our selues so subiect vntounto; escaping by watchfulnesse the greater, through this deceitfulnesse of our hearts, and the fruit therof, our security, wee fall in the lesser dangers. Surely Lot was in greater danger of vncleannesse, liuing among the impure Sodomites, than solitarily in the Mount, and Noah was in greater danger of drunkennesse, liuing among the drunken sots of the old world, that did nothing else but brutishly eate and Math. 24. foreign.drinke, then when there was none aliue to conuerse with, but his owne family. But yet they were in danger also in their solitarinesse, as hauing that within them, without which the euill example of the wicked could not hauehave corrupted them. Among the wicked, euill example indangered them: when from them still their owne corruption threatened danger. But lo (examples for euer to be remembred) because in their solitarinesse, this deceit of heart tooke place, that of themselues they were not so frameable to such sinnes, and so stood not, as in times past vponupon their guard, hence it came to passe, that they who got the victorie in the greater, were shamefully foiled in the lesser conflict; they that ouercame two aduersaries together, the flesh and the world, were miserably ouercome by one of them alone, the flesh without the ayde of the world. O then deliuer wee our soules from this deceit, and possesse wee them continually with this meditation, There is no baggage so filthy but my heart is a fit sinke to receiue, no monster so hideous but it is a fit wombe to conceiue, no weede so poisonfull but it is a fit soyle to bring forth. Hardly shall he be caught that thus feareth the snare. Indeede in euill of punishment that of Iob is often true. That which I feared is come vponupon me. But in the euill of sinne, that of Salamon, Blessed is he that feareth alwaies; how blessed, but in escaping the sinne feared? as the opposition there shewes: but hee that [not fearing] hardens his heart shall fall into euill.