The Christian Armory, Book 1 · Chapter 12
CHAP. XII. Particular comforts for them that hauehave sustained particular losses by the death of kinsfolks, &c.
Question.
HOw shall a Christian man comfort and resolue himselfe, that hath (by death) parted with a vertuous and kind wife?
A. Indéed thy losse is great, and it is (as it were) the cutting away of one halfe of thée; but thou must remember that she was borne mortal, and that frō Adam to the worlds end, all must die, and therefore thou must take it patiently.
Secondly,Rom. 8.28. all things come to passe by Gods prouidence and appointment, who turneth all things to the best to them that louelove him.
Thirdly, God will hereby either correct thy vnthankfulnesse, or try thy patience.
Fourthly, if she had liued longer, she might (perhaps) hauehave growne worse, and hauehave béen a crosse and vexation vntounto thée.
Fifthly, thou art hereby fréed from ielosie & suspition, to which good women are sometimes subiect.
Sixthly, God can make thée a gainer by thy losse, and procure thee a second, as good as shee:1. Sam. 25.40, 41, 42. as when Michal was taken away from Dauid, God afterwards prouided for him faire and wise Abigail.
Seuenthly, if thou (vnderunder God) wast an instrument to make her good, thou maiest make the second good by thy instruction and holy example: for though thy wife be gone, yet thou the workman art aliue.
Eighthly, thanke God that thou so long time, and to thy great contentment, didst inioy so good a wife▪ and therefore now thou must be content to receiue some chastisement from God, as well as good things in former times.
Lastly, preserue and honour her memory after her death, and speake well of her: and if thou bee inclined to match againe, pray vntounto God that thy second choice may bee matchable to thy first and God will heare thy praier.
Q▪ What comfortable meditations and directions can you bring forth for a Christian wife, that hath lost a good and a godly husband?
A. First, she is wedded to Christ, and therefore she is no widow, nor can want any necessary help and protection. Apoc. 12.1. Apoc. 19 7.
Secondly, death hath not parted husband and wife for euer, but for a time; for they shall one day (if they both feared God) sée and know one the other, (albeit all respects of marriage shall then wholly cease.)
Thirdly, God hath a speciall care of widowes,Ps. 10.18. Deut. 24.17.18. (as may appeare by miracles done in their behalfe, and for their reléefe, in the old and new Testament) and he laieth a strait charge vponupon Magistrates, Rulers, and Iudges, to sée them righted and prouided for.
Fourthly, if she truly feare God, and intend a second marriage, he that prouided her a good husband before, can prouide her a second as good: as he prouided faire,1. Sam. 25.40.41.42. vertuous, and wise Abigail for Dauid.
Lastly, it may be either she did not respect him (according to his worth) and therefore God hath iustly corrected her vnthankfulnes, or else, she too much doated vponupon him, and was too fond of him, and therefore God by his death, will heale this sinne in her, and cause her to depend vponupon him onelyonly, when the staffe of her outward state is taken away.
Q. Let vsus heare some comforts for parents, that by death are bereaued of godly and dutifull children.
A. First, we must alwaies remember, that sinne hath deserued death, and that God hereupon in the time appointed, inposeth death vponupon young as well as the aged, and his decrée cannot bee preuented or resisted.
Secondly, herein the Saints of God beare their parts with thée and therefore thou must endure these common euils with the greater patience.
Thirdly, children and young men are but as flowers in God his garden; and we must suffer God the soueraigne Lord of it and them, to crop and gather them when he will.
Fourthly, the yonger that they died, they were the lesse defiled with corruption,2 Kings 22.20. and they departed being not laden with the burthen of many sinnes, which longer continuance of time would hauehave drawne them into. foreign.
Fifthly, if there be a decay, mortality and change in Okes and Cedars, much more in man, that hath rebelled against his Creator.
Sixthly, it may be, that when wee inioyed them, that either wee were too tender and fond ouer them, and so would hauehave corrupted them, or else were not contented with them, nor thankfull to God for them: and therefore God (to remedy and correct both these extremities) hath bereaued vsus of them.
Seuenthly, if our children led a godly life, and so died, then they are in safetie and forth comming; their life is not vanished but changed: and though we hauehave lost them, yet God hath found them, and at the generall resurrection we shall finde them, know and acknowledge them: wherefore let vsus in the meane time rest content, and comfort our selues in this blessed expectation:1. Thes. ….18. and therefore wee must be so farre from murmuring and repining against God for depriuing vsus of them, that we must blesse and praise God for their perfection and glorification.
Lastly, by their death, wee are fréed from infinite feares of their mis-doing, and from many carking cares of prouiding for their outward estate and maintenance: but if our children proue vntoward and vngodly, then our losse is the lesse to bee lamented, for wee hauehave none to take notice of our gray haires,Filius ante diem, patrios inquirit in annos. none to number our yéeres, none to carpe at our cost, and none to bee discontented at the delay of our death.
Q. What vse (in a word) are we to make hereof?
A. First, we must remember that we being mortall our selues, begat them mortall, and that all men must die (sooner or latter) though the time, place, and maner be vnknowne vntounto vsus.
Secondly, if we bewaile them being dead, we should (in some sort) hauehave bewailed them as soone as they were born, for then they began to die.
Thirdly, we must out of heauinesse conceiue matter of happinesse, and kéepe a measure in lamentation, and not lament for eueryevery losse, lest our whole life be filled with lamentation.
Lastly, we must instruct them, and pray for them whiles that they liue: but when we perceiue death to approach, we must not in vaine striue against God, but willingly suffer him to take his owne.
Q. How shall poore orphanes, namely, fatherlesse and motherlesse children, comfort themselues, that hauehave parted with kind, carefull, and most Christian parents?
A. By remembring and obseruing these directions and duties following. First,Iob 14.1.2. that their parents were borne mortall, and must néeds die: and therefore the children comming of them, cannot be immortall. If the foundation of the building in time shrinke and be shaken, that which is built vponupon it cannot endure. The earth their common mother must receiue them all, and at the last day yéeld vp all againe.
Secondly, their parents are not lost, for God hath found them, and fréed them from all miseries and molestations: and therefore they in this regard must bee content.
Thirdly,2. Sam. 12.23. that they shall not returne to their children, but their children goe to them.
Fourthly, they were borne first, and therefore must die first, and they are not forsaken, but sent before them to blisse.
Lastly, God hath depriued them of their parents, either to correct their murmuring against them, or their vndutifulnes towards them, or (at least) to try how they will depend vponupon him, when all earthly meanes faile and are wanting.
Q. What duties are they to performe?
A. First, they must patiently vndergoe Gods correction.
Secondly, they must heartily repent them of their sinnes, the cause thereof.
Thirdly, they must follow their vertuous example, and immortalize their memories.
Fourthly, they must more highly estéeme Gods benefits when they inioy them.
Q. What comforts are fit & seasonable against the death of deere brethren and sisters?
A. First, death is a common correction to Gods children, and no person must looke to be fréed from it.
Secondly, though their life was short, yet it was holy and blessed.
Thirdly, though their bodies be dead and interred, yet their soules liue, and their vertues (like so many children left behind them) are immortall, and the impression hereof (as of their kindnes and indulgence towards them) must neuer be blotted out.
Fourthly, though they want the comfortable company of their brethren and sisters, yet they are not alone, being attended vponupon and guarded by so many vertues, and all those that feare God and doe his will,Mat. 12.48 must be their brethren and sisters.
Vse.
First, wee must not vnmeasurably mourne for them, but rather bewaile euil things, that hang ouer our owne heads.
Secondly, by such examples of mortality, we must be warned to prepare our selues against our latter end.
Lastly, we must comfort our hearts in this, that wee shall one day to our hearts contentment, inioy for euer their most swéet and blessed fellowship.
Q. Is it not a curse to a religious man to die childlesse and without issue?
A. It is a crosse, rather then a curse. For first, they are not vnderunder the law, but vnderunder grace.
Secondly, Christ hath taken away the curse from all true beléeuers.
Q. By what arguments and reasons shall such a man quiet and comfort his conscience?
A. First, their loosenesse and lewdnesse shall neuer grieue him, and their future miserie shall neuer disquiet him.
Secondly, he in foreign, or want of children, may (in his discretion) adopt such who may proue more kind, louing, and obedient, then those that might hauehave proceeded out of his owne loines.
Thirdly, hee néed not trouble himselues about their maintenance: and as for the distribution of his goods and possessions, he hath at hand many poore seruan…s and children of God, amongst whō he may more happily diuide them:Luke 16.9. Act. 9.39. for these will pray for him so long as he liueth, and speake well of him when he is dead; and God wil in goodnes reward all his well doing. Neh. 5.19.
Fourthly, law may and will supply the defect of nature: for adoption is an act imitating nature, ordained for the sola…e of such who want children.
Lastly, his children might hauehave growen out of kind, and hauehave obscured and blemished his name: and hereupon many had died more happily and contentedly, if they had died childlesse.