The Mother and the Child, Psalm 38
Domine ne in furore. Pſalme 38.
IT is high time for me,Put me not to rebuke O Lord in thine anger: neither chaſten mee in thy heauy diſpleaſure. O Lord, to turne again vntounto thee; and againe as an humble ſuppliant to implore thy mercy. For I feele thine anger to waxe hote, againſt mee. Alas my God wilt thou chaſtiſe mee in thine anger, and make mee to feele the violence of thy iuſt indignation, which my ſinnes hauehave prouoked againſt mee? The flame hath euen conſumed mee, and the fire of thy fury, hath eaten me vp, and I am ready to vaniſh away into ſmoake.
2 For thine arrowes ſticke faſt in mee: and thy hand preſſeth me ſore.For I feele O my God, the arrowes of thy vengeance ſticke faſt in me, and and I am preſſed down vnderunder thy heauy hand. The remorſe & terrours of my conſcience, do aſtoniſh me, and bruiſe mee like flaſhes of lightning and thunderbolts: euill commeth vponupon mee as a ſnare, and one miſchiefe ouer-taketh another. No ſooner is warre ended, but Peſtilence aſſaults mee: and in the ende Death hath taken from me my deareſt pledge, which I hauehave in this world. Wherin then ſhall I receiue comfort, O my God? In my ſelfe?
Alas, there is no health in any part of my body,3 There is no health in my fleſh becauſe of thy diſpleaſure: neither is there any reſt in my bones by reaſon of my ſinne. the marrowe is conſumed in my bones; there is no reſt in my bodie: euerie part reproacheth mee with my ſinne, and ſuffereth the paine thereof. I pine away with griefe and heauineſſe, and no man comforteth me; my eyes ſerue me onelyonly to ſee my miſery: and my ſoule hath no vnderſtanding or knowledge, but only of my wretchednes.
4 For my wickedneſs are gone ouer my head, and are like a ſore burthen too heauie for me to bear.I caſt mine eyes on euerie ſide, and I ſee my ſinnes begirt me round about, and I am ready to faint and ſink down vnderunder the burden of mine iniquities: they are mounted aloft vponupon my head, and are heauier then I can beare.
5 Mo woūds ſtinke and are corrupt through my fooliſhnes.How ſhall I reſiſt them? What ſtrength hauehave I to defend my ſelfe? ſeeing all my bones are out of ioint. The filth of my ſores runneth, the ſtench and corruption of my wounds, and vlcers is grieuous: and if my body be ill, is my ſoule any better? Is not ſhee alſo full of confuſion, fearfulnes and trembling?6 I am broght into ſo great trouble and miſery, that I goe mourning all the day long. Maladie hath worn away my body, and brought it to the doore of death, and heauineſs hath oppreſſed my ſoule: and diſrobed her of her Vertue: And as the young and tender budde of the Vine is congealed into ſheer-wool, by the ſharpe cold, and fadeth away: ſo the finger of the Lord which hath touched my ſoule, maketh her to languiſh, faint, and loſe her courage.
But alas (O my God) what courage can I expect to hauehave,7 For my loynes are filled with a ſore diſeaſe, and there is no whole part in my body▪ when I ſee my ſelf ſo full of ſores, and no part of my bodie is exempt from paine? and which is farre beyond this miſerie, the memorie of my deceitfull Pleaſures, repreſenteth it ſelfe vntounto me, and caſteth mee in the teeth with my vices, and mocketh me for my vanitie. I ſay vntounto my ſelfe, did I therfore prolong my dayes in the honny of ſo many delights, that I might after waſh away all with the gall of bitter anguiſh? Where art thou now O deceitful pleaſure, which haſt made my ſoule drunke with the ſweet liquor of thy delights? how haſt thou now forſaken me?
HaueHave I not yet ſuffered inough O Lord,8 I am feeble and ſore ſmitten: I hauehave rored for the very diſquietnes of my hart. hath not my humilitie yet ſufficiently chaſtened mine arrogance? I hauehave ſinned through ſottiſh corruption; alas, ſince that I hauehave caſt my ſelfe downe vponupon the earth, I hauehave couered my head with aſhes; I hauehave clouen my heart with cryes; I hauehave dimmd my eyes with teares, and yet thine anger ceaſeth not. Is it poſsible, O Lord, that thou haſt not ſeene my teares? Thou who with the very turne of thine eye doeſt trauerſe heauen and earth; Thou whoſe ſight pierceth the very bottom of our hearts;
9 O Lord thou knoweſt all my deſire: and my groaning is not hid from thee.Thou Lord knoweſt my thoughts, and vnderſtandeſt my cogitations. What is it that I deſire, but thy merciemercy? In what doe I hope, but in thy bountie? Wherefore, hauehave I mourned, and made open profeſsion of my repentance, but to condemne my ſelfe? And if my tongue hath not ſufficiently expreſſed my minde, and is not able to vtter what I deſire; Thou O Lord, knoweſt what wee would before we can think it. It is inough that we lift vp our heart vntounto thee, and thou wilt preſently grant what we deſire.
But wherefore delayeſt thou O Lord,10 My heart panteth, my ſtrength faileth me: and the ſight of my eies is gone from me. to giuegive thy bleſſed conſolation, which thou haſt promiſed mee? Alas, I am not able to hold out any longer: my heart faileth mee, my ſenſes are troubled, my ſight is waxed dimme, my flitting ſoule is euen readie to leaue my bodie.
All my friends about me do bewaile my death:11 My louers and my neighbors did ſtand looking vponupon my trouble: and my kinſmen ſtood a far off. they hauehave giuen ouer all hope of my health, all their care is for my exequies, and ſay amongſt themſelues, where is the help that he expected from his God; where is that fauour whereof hee made himſelf ſo ſure? They that priuily hauehave laide wait for my life, are come about me: they hauehave thought of parting my ſpoile among them, ſo hatefull am I become to the world, ſince thou haſt deiected mee.
12 They alſo that ſought after my life laide ſnares for me, & they that went about to do me euill, talked of wickednes and imagiced deceit all the day long.They whiſpered among themſelues, and hauehave imagined a thouſand wayes to doe mee miſchiefe: they hauehave daily laide ſnares to entrappe me. Hee is (ſaid they vponupon his death-bed, he ſhall neuer riſe vp again; wherefore ſhould we feare him, who is now but as the ſhadowe of a man?
As for me I was as deafe as a man that heareth not,13 As for mee I was like a deafe man and heard not, and as one that is dumb, that doth not open his mouth. and as one that is dumbe I anſwered them not: my patience was my buckler, and conſtancie my bulwarke. EueryEvery one that ſaw my patience in aduerſity, ſaid that I was dumb; becauſe when they reproached,14 And I am as a man that heareth not: and in whoſe mouthe are found no reproofs I anſwered not: he hath (ſaid they) put vp all indignities: if there remained in him any ſenſe of honour, how could he ſhew ſuch little courage? wee may well iudge him to be guiltie: for innocencie is alwaies hardy and reſolute in her owne defence: but notwithſtanding all this I held my peace.
15 For in thee O Lord hauehave I put my truſt: Thou ſhalt anſwere for for me, O Lord my God.For why? my hope is in God: and I am verely perſwaded, that hee will aſsiſt me. Though all the world band themſelues againſt mee, though heauen and earth conſpire my ruine, yet through the help of my God, I ſhall ſtill be the vanquiſher. With the breath of his mouth hath he created all things: and with the ſame breath he can deſtroy whatſoeuer it pleaſeth him. I will fight vnderunder his banner, and ſo I ſhall be certain of victorie.
16 I hauehave required that they euen mine enemies ſhuld not triumph ouer me: for when my feet ſlipt, they reioiced greatly againſt me.I hauehave oft ſaid vntounto them, Reioyce not at my harme, and inſult not ouer mee, when I am afflicted & tormented; for the hand of the Lord is not ſo ſhort, but it may ſtretch vntounto you alſo, and preſume not too much vponupon his long ſuffering; for as his feete are of wool, ſo his arme is of iron: if hee once ſtretch it ouer your heads, O ye impenitent ſoules, hee vvill breake you in peeces like a potters veſſell, and the very remembraunce of you ſhall be rooted out.
As for me, I hauehave taken the rodde in mine hand, and hauehave made the print of my condemnation for my ſinne on my ſhoulders: I hauehave appeared in thy preſence O Lord,17 And ſurely I am ſet in the plague: and my heauineſſe is euer in my ſight. with teares, in mine eyes, repentance in my mouth, and warre in my heart. I hauehave beaten downe my ſelfe, for feare leaſt mine enemie ſhoulde triumph ouer me.
18 For I will confeſſe my wickedneſſe: and be ſorry for my ſinne.I hauehave openly confeſſed my fault, I hauehave acknowledged my ſin in an acceptable time: I hauehave bin carefull to runne vntounto thee for merciemercy, whilſt thou waſt to be found.
19 But my enemies liue and are mighty: & they that hate mee wrongfully are many in number.But the more I humble my ſelfe before thee, to taſte of the liuing water of this fountaine of grace, which diſtilleth from thy bountie, the more mine enemies encreaſe: and they that would deuoure mee guiltleſſe, are mighty. They gather themſelues on euerie ſide, little foreſeeing the tempeſt that will ſcatter and diſperſe them. They kindle through their pride, the coales of thine ire: they deſpite thy power, which they ſhall too too ſoone proue to their vtter ruine and deſtruction. In a word, caring for nothing in heauen or earth, they wallow in their filthy pleaſures, and as much as in them lyeth, deface that ſtampe of divinitie, which thou haſt imprinted printed in their ſoul; & ſhut their eyes againſt the hope of ſaluation, which ſhineth vntounto them out of thy word.
20 They alſo that reward euill for good are againſt me, becauſe I follow the thing that is good.I ceaſe not my God to warne them: but they render mee euill for good, and make a mocke of whatſoeuer I doe to pleaſe thee, and bee an example to them: they traduce and ſlander mee in the open ſtreets, and impoſe vponupon mee a thouſand wrongful imputations.
21 Forſake me not O Lord my God: be not thou far frō me.I confeſſe O Lord, I now beginne to loſe patitience. But O my God repaire mine infirmitie, and forſake me not: for elſe I ſhall ſtumble as a little child at the firſt precipice that ſhall lye in my way. Increaſe in mee O Lord, ſtrēgth & courage to ouercom my affliction, and keep mee vnderunder the ſhadow of thy wings, giuing me euermore conſtancie and perſeuerance: and bee vntounto mee as a tender-hearted mother, which can not but tender him her dugges, as oft as her babe cries for it.
Nouriſh mee then,22 Haſt thee to help me: O Lord God of my ſaluation. O Lord, vvith the milke of thy ſacred louelove: that ſo encreaſing from ſtrength, to ſtrength I may bee able to walke night and day in thy pathes which leade vntounto that ſaluation, the hope whereof ſhineth in thy promiſes; that if my ſinne preſent it ſelfe to ſtoppe mee in my way, I may open the floudgates of mine eyes, and neuer ſhutte them vntill I hauehave drowned and ſunke it with my teares.