The Anatomy of Baseness, Poem 1 – Poem 4

The Anatomy of Baseness · Poem 1 – Poem 4

THE ANATOMY of Baſeneſſe. OF THE FLATTERER.

THey that compare the fawning Pariſite

vntounto the Spaniel, do the curre much wrong;

for he will often heare his maſters tongue,

When in the field he follows his delight:

Yet neuer queſt; but th'ecchoing Sicophant

at eueryevery word, by his weake fauourer ſpoken,

cries good, 'tis true, and this is held a token

Of much reſpect and louelove; though from the haunt

Of worth and merit, his baſe nature range

as farre as falſhood, from the ſtrong built neſt

of Truth and Goodneſſe, which in eueryevery breſt

Should like two twinnes be nouriſht; but tis ſtrange

To ſee how this poore worthleſſe humour liues,

euen in thoſe boſomes where good bloud and parts,

hauehave their abiding, poiſoning generous Arts

With that, to which no language ſpoken giues

An Epithete too bad: and to thoſe men

(if I may tearme them ſo) whoſe only words

ſuch ſweetneſſe to the flattered eare affoords,

To yeeld a fitting title by my pen:

I am as much vnable, as vnapt

to imitate their baſeneſſe; which indeede

had I not chanc't t'haue heard, into my Creede

Could nere hauehave come, but it hath often happt

To ſownde within the compaſſe of my hearing,

whereby mine eares as to the pillory,

ſeem'd to be nailde in ſuch groſſe flattery;

Yet in their checkes no ſigne of ſhame appearing.

It may ſeeme ſtrange (yet I dare ſay't is true)

that I hauehave bluſht to ſee their impudence,

while they (vn-man-like) ſeem'd to hauehave no ſence

Of their owne baſenes: of this thriuing crue.

I hauehave obſerv'd both Sexes to be free;

too free in ſome reſpect, though in ſome kinde

more bound then ſlaues, for our beſt part (the minde)

Was chiefly giuen diuineſt things to ſee:

And not to be by ought that ſhares with vsus,

in the ſhort courſe of our mortalitie

ſo fetter'd, leaſt vnhappily it be,

Depriv'd of its beſt good in being thus.

HaueHave I not heard one tell, the Crowe ſhee's white,

and Midas-like preferre the pipe of Pan

before Appollo's harpe? wherein this man

(Who thus from Art and Nature teares their right).

Thus from the Phrygian differs, Midas weares

(as the reward and badge of ignorance)

th'eares of an Aſſe; but 't is the others chance

To thriue by clawing th'ignorant Aſſes eares.

HaueHave I not heard ſome tell the prodigall,

't is for his honour to be bountifull:

and with applauſe commend the humorous Gull

In all his actions? I hauehave ſeene them fall

And kiſſe the feete of a great golden calfe;

whoſe very beſt of his admired worth

was by a Taylor to the world brought forth,

To whom his Honour ought his better halfe.

Let a man chafe (though no iuſt cauſe there be)

and then obſequious Apes will fret as faſt,

as had they ſeene a verier ſlaue t'haue paſt

By, then themſelues: or be your humour free

And Iouially diſpos'd, they'le Ianus-like

ſtraite ſhew a cleerer face, where you may ſee

the true proportion of hypocriſie

Drawne to the life; (which loues as others like)

Many yeeres ſince the famous Chaucer writ,

that, theſe ſame men which beare a double viſage,

are as meere monſters in good Natures linage;

And for good mens ſocietie vnfit.

Like your Camelions theſe will change their hew

as you your colour, be it good or ill,

change nere ſo oft, yet you ſhall finde them ſtill,

(From what they were) transforme as faſt as you.

Seeme to be moſt vnlike your ſelfe, or ſpeake

what you leaſt thinke they 'le be, and ſpeake like you;

tell them they 're Knaues theyle ſmile and ſay ſo too;

Faine your ſelfe ill, they'le ſweare they finde you weake.

TO THE FLATTERED.

FOnd Man, that ſuck'ſt the pleaſing poyſon in

(which from the Syrens vnſuſpected tongue

Is kindly offer'd to thine eare) wherein

are all the drugges and dregges of vildneſſe wrung:

Aſſure thy ſelfe; if in thy boſome liue

ought that deſerues the name of worth, 't is knowne

More then thy ſelfe, nor ſhalt thou neede to giuegive

Fame a reward to hauehave thy mercy blowne:

For 't is her care, the more ſhe findes thee ſlow,

or careleſſe, whether thy deſert ſhall be

Knowne vntounto any, but thy ſelfe, or no;

to ſownd the louder: (ſo to honour thee)

Thorough her golden Trumpet, (good mens throats:)

Or if thine eare ſhall louelove, and itch to heare

Thine owne praiſe ſung in ſmooth and pleaſing notes,

(which makes true worth vnlike it ſelfe appeare)

She hath an other Trumpet blowne by thoſe,

whoſe mercenary tongues ſhall ſownd thy praiſe;

But with a breath which blaſteth as it blowes,

and ruines that which it pretends to raiſe.

For do but note, you ſhall perceiue their plots,

are (being once aſſur'd of you as friends)

To thruſt their blankes amongſt your high priz'd lots,

ſo by your loſſe to compaſſe their owne ends.

But ſelfe-conceipt ſo much corrupts your ſence,

that to your iudgement, onelyonly that ſame man

Seemes wiſe, and honeſt, and giues no offence

that by this Art, can make a Gooſe a Swanne.

If by the breath of theſe, you ſtriue to raiſe

your Reputation, your Ambition's weake;

You muſt reſolue of ſuch to buy your praiſe,

not for the Trueth, but for reward they ſpeake.

If on the former (who for Vertues ſake

honour that good is in you) you relie,

Their approbation ſhall hauehave power to make

your glorie liue to all Poſteritie.

Doe not you thinke that man deſerues much blame

who findes his owne infirmitie, yet feedes

Daily on that which nouriſheth the ſame,

And dangerouſly the braines corruption breeds?

Such is your caſe (weake men and women) for

you like the meate becauſe the ſauce is ſweete;

What bitter is (though wholſome) you abhorre,

diſabling that which iudgement holdeth meete.

But Iudgement, is no iudgement, if it ſeeme

to contradict your humour; but the longer

Y' are conſtant to this pooreneſſe, (which you deeme

worth in your ſelues) your weaknes proues the ſtrōger.

Though to the palat pills diſtaſtfull be

they to the health more beneficiall proue,

Then things more pleaſing to the ſence; we ſee

cutting doth oft in curing much behoue:

But you like Herod thinke, that he moſt loues you

who cries, you ſpeake more like a God then man,

Beheading him that honeſtly reproues you,

not caring though it be baptizing Iohn:

Let a man ſeeme but cheerefully to ſing

Placebo to your words and actions, then

You quite forget, neere honie lies a ſting;

and that the diuell (clarke-like) ſayth Amen:

Where flatterers (his Chaplaines) reade the Maſſe

whoſe ſuperſtition (making you their Saint)

You doe allow as currantly to paſſe,

for Truth, as Goſpell (which no tongue can taint.)

TO THE FLATTERER.

THou that canſt grieue becauſe another ſmiles,

and giuegive, to vndeſeruing ſpirits, ſtiles

Which thou doſt filch from gen'rous noble minds;

becauſe thy poore obſequious humour findes

Cold intertainment there, tell me; doſt thinke

that all are blinde that are content to winke?

Or that thy ſhameleſſe flattery beguiles

eueryevery man that at thy glozing ſmiles?

Aſſure thy ſelfe thy thoughts deceiue thee much;

for many ſmile to ſee thy baſeneſſe ſuch:

And ſuch as thou think'ſt blind more truly ſee

thy heart, then they that hugge thy flatterie;

And (ſcorning by thy pitch to be defil'd,

or by thy ſweet tun'd lullabies beguil'd)

Doe loath to view thy vilde deformitie,

which pleaſing is to ſuch as fauour thee.

That eueryevery man be maſter of his owne

all men allow; but it is lately growne

To ſuch a cuſtome, (firſt by thee brought in)

among th' Ambitious of this age of ſinne,

That to a man (if I profeſſe to louelove him)

I muſt giuegive titles ſome degrees aboue him:

Or elſe be tax'd with enuie or neglect,

though my ſoule knowes, I giuegive more true reſpect

Then you that id'ly light a torch at noone,

and tell the Sun hee's brighter then the Moone;

Which argues only that your humour is,

ſtill to be doing though you do amiſſe

In guilding golde. This I obſerued hauehave

in ſome, whoſe age did homage to the graue,

Whoſe words in prai'rs more fitly had been ſpent,

and with deuotion on embaſſage ſent

To make their peace with heauen, then to obay

that which would guide them by the broader way.

If it be hatefull euen in younger yeeres

to temporize and gloze, ſure it appeares

Monſtrous in age, whoſe part it rather is

to grieue for what in youth it did amiſſe;

Then in the laſt act of a life miſ-led,

To heape more blowes vponupon a wounded head.

Could I inſtruct, or might I but aduiſe;

I'de teach, or wiſh you to become more wiſe:

But 'twill be thought prepoſterous in youth

to tutor Age, though by the Word of Truth

Such proofes as it doth bring approoued be:

Therefore I leaue you to your humour free;

Wherin (no doubt) you'le one day finde this true,

You make your fav'rers fooles, they knaues of you.

Too mild a ſtile, for that's a tearme for men;

if ſo, too good for any flatterer then:

What ſhall I call thee diuell, monſter, beaſt?

if not all theſe, thou 'rt one of them at leaſt

Transform'd to th' ſhape of man; nor ſeemes it ſtrange

if thy grand Maſter (who himſelfe can change

Into an Angels likeneſſe) make thee ſeeme,

a Saint-like man in many mens eſteeme;

Inſtructing thee vponupon what vaine to worke,

and where thou maieſt the moſt ſecurely lurke

With beſt aſſurance, bids thee plie that minde

where thou the weakeſt eaſineſſe ſhalt finde:

Such thou maieſt puffe as Butchers do their meate,

and with thy breath perſwade them they're as great

As thou doſt make them; and aboue the reſt,

be ſure (my child) thou ſuff'reſt not a Ieſt,

Bee 't nere ſo poore to paſſe without a Good,

though by none elſe the ſame were vnderſtood

How to deſerue applauſe; and then thou hear'ſt

amongſt that Sect (where gracious thou appear'ſt)

A tedious talker, ſenceleſly diſcourſe

(till he dull others, and himſelfe grow hoarſe)

Let thy attention (till his tongue ly'th ſtill)

ſtare in his face, then let him finde thy skill.

Theſe be the rules, and many worſe then theſe

thou muſt obſerue, if thou deſir'ſt to pleaſe;

Thy Tutor ſayth, whoſe helpe will nere deceiue thee,

and to whoſe fauour wretched man I leaue thee.

OF THE INGRATEFVL.

SOme hauehave compar'd (and not improperly)

him that is tainted with this worſt of ills

vntounto the Swine, who (freely, daily) fills

His hungrie mawe euen to ſacietie

VponUpon ſuch Maſte as from the fruitfull tree

falls to the ground; yet his deiected eye

is fixed only where his food doth lie,

And neuer rais'd the Giuers face to ſee.

Guilty of this vnpardonable crime,

where diuers kinds of theſe inhumane men,

diſcourſed by th' induſtrious famous pen

Or heathen Tully liuing in his time.

The firſt Diſſemblers were of fauours reap'd

proportioning the ſame (being more or leſſe)

To the ſmall meaſure of their thankfulneſſe,

Though a full hand on them the ſame had h…ap'd

The next acknowledg'd freely that occaſion,

off'ring it ſelfe (ioyn'd with abilitie)

to make requitall (for each curteſie)

Seem'd deafe to opportunities perſwaſion.

An other ſort there was, whoſe ſhameleſſe crauing

would not admit deniall, but being made

maſter of their deſires could ſoone perſwade

Their tongues (too baſely) to denie the hauing.

The fourth and laſt (and worst my Author writes)

were ſuch as, what they had receiu'd, forgot.

Vnthankfull he then that remembers not;

He that denies, diſſembles, not requites.

Let me adde one kinde more, which I conceiue

worſe then all theſe, who like the frozen ſnake,

ſtings that ſame boſome, whence it warmth did take;

And would, what gaue it life, of life bereaue.

Such there hath been my obſeruation knowes,

who (from a poore, deiected miſer ſtate)

being rais'd (by Great ones) proued ſo ingrate,

To bring their Rayſers necke neere th'axes blowes.

Should I demaund why ſuch vnnumbred were

among the former, ſome man might reply;

(as vntounto him who ask't the reaſon why,

Among ſo many lawes, ſo ſtrict, ſeuere,

Made by the Romans, none was knowne to touch

the childe, whoſe hand ſhould guide the fatall knife;

to cut his throat who gaue his being life):

Becauſe that Tully thought there liv'd none ſuch.

But ſince the time perfidious Iudas dyed

(who at his end (I feare) bequeath'd his curſe,

to ſome that do in theſe daies beare the purſe)

Such there hauehave been, ſuch hauehave been Deifide.

If your proſperity ſtrike ſayle, be ſure

Theſe Kites, which ſtoop to you while you can feede them,

come to an others fiſt; and if you need them

They ſoare aloofe, checke at your empty lure.

Much like their Embleme which (for the full payles)

followe the maide that beares them; if ſhe fall

and ſpill the meate, to that they run, and all

Reſpect of her that vs'd to feede them, failes.

Or Cuckoe-like, they to your Summers ſunne

ſing merrily (though ſucke your egges withall)

but when they finde your Summer faile, and fall

Draw neere, they're gone, and their harſh muſicke done.