The Marrow of the Oracles of God, Chapter 21 – Chapter 22
CHAP. XXI.
Rules that shew vsus how to carry ourselues in companie, and not giuegive offence.
THus of our carriage towards Rules that concerne the inoffensiuenesse of our carriage in company.others in company, as it respects their faults. Now followeth the third sort of rules, which order our behauiour towards others in company in respect of inoffensiuenesse. It ought to be our principall care to carry our selues so, as no body may take offence at vsus.
Now these rules may bee directed to their heads, as they concerne,
| 1. The humilitie, | of our behauior toward others. |
| 2. The discretion, | |
| 3. The puritie |
Wee must carry our selues humbly, discreetly, and honestly in our conuersation with others: so shall wee conuerse with much amiablenesse and reputation.
First, vntounto the humility of An humble behauiour hath three things in it.our conuersation, belong these Rules.
First, be soft, shew all meekenesse to all men, restraining the inordination 1.of thy heart, endeuouring to shew thy selfe gentle, and peaceable, and harmelesse, and easie to be intreated, Tit. 3. 1, 2. Prou. 8. 13. Iam. 3. 13.
Secondly, thou must bow downe 2.thine care, and heare the words of the wise, and apply thy heart, to get knowledge, and profit thy selfe by others, Prou. 23. 12. This is the same with that of Iames, Be swift to heare, and slow to speake, Iam. 1. 19.
Thirdly, put not forth thy 3.selfe, nor stand in the place of great men, till thou bee called, Prou. 25. 6.
In generall, concerning humility, the Apostle Peters phrase is much to be noted: he saith, we should clothe our selues with humilitie: which notes both the great measure of it, it should couer all our actions, and also the continuance of it. When we goe amongst men, we should stirre vp our hearts, and fashion our selues to expresse his grace, and not dare to be seene without humilitie, Noteno more then wee would be seene without our clothes. Humilitie hides our nakednesse, and pride and passion lay it open to the view and contempt of others.
Secondly, neither is humility all that is required to make our 8 Rules that concerne discretion in our behauiour.conuersation without offence or prouocation; but wee must also carry our selues discreetly; and to this end there are these excellent Rules.
First, thou must consider to speake what is acceptable, and auoid what may irritate; there is singular vse of this rule, if it were followed, Prou 10. 31, 1…. and 13. 3.
Secondly, thou must marke those that cause diuision and off…nces, and auoide them, and shun the society of such, Rom. 16. 17, 18. This will breed thee much peace, and deliuer thee from much suspition in others.
Thirdly, thou must make no friendship with the angry man; for either by much conuersing with him, thou maist learne his waies, or else it will be a snare to thee, that thou shalt neither know how to keepe his fauour, nor yet how to breake off from him, without much vnrest and inconuenience, Prou. 22. 24, 25.
Fourthly, it is a great discretion in euill time to bee silent. In things wherein thou mayest endanger thy selfe, and not profit others, it is thy best way, and a wise course, to forbeare speech of such things, Amos 5. 13.
Fiftly, so likewise it is thy discretion in matters of dangers to forbeare the communicating of thy secret to any, though thou mightest be tempted to a perswasion of trust in those to whom thou wouldest reueale them. It may often repent thee to hauehave spoken, but seldome to hauehave held thy peace, Mica. 7. 5.
Sixthly, withdraw thy feet from thy neighbours house, lest he be wearie of thee, and hate thee: this is an excellent rule giuen by Saloman, Prou. 25. 17. If thou wouldest conuerse with reputation, take heed of idle gadding from house to house, when thou hast no occasion or employment: thou mayest draw hereby much secret contempt and loathing of thee, when thy emptinesse and vanity shall be thereby discouered. An empty conuersation, that hath in it no exercise of pierie or vertue, if it bee frequent, occasioneth secret, and vnutterable scorne.
7. Restraine thine owne passions in conuersing. There are none so wise, but if they shew their passions of immoderate anger, feare, griefe, yea, or ioy, they discouer much weaknes in their disposition, which would bee couered if they did bridle the excesse of their passions. A wise man couereth shame, when a foole is presently knowne: It is the best praise not to hauehave such weaknesses; but the next to this, is by discretion to bridle our selues, so as we may hide our weaknesses from breaking out.
Lastly, thou maist make good vse of that direction of Salomon about thy friend, Blesse not thy friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning; for it may bee accounted a curse to thee: Take heede of flattery, which in stead of effecting thine owne ends, may bring thee out of all respect. He doth not forbid the iust praise, and encouragement of friends, but the intending of praise of purpose to the vttermost notice of thy friend, (this is to praise him with a loud voice) and the affectation of preuenting others in praising; and of doing it in such things as are not yet su…iently knowne to be praise-worthy, and to set ones selfe so to praise, as if he studied to doe nothing else, but humour his friend; especially if it be but once perceiued, that thou doest it but for thy owne ends. It is a great part of wisedome, to know how to speake of the praise of others, so as neither sinister ends be intended, nor the humouring of those we praise: to doe it sparingly and seasonably, is a great discretion.
And thus of the Rules, that make our conuersation amiable, in respect of discretion.
Thirdly, that our conuersation Three rules that concerne the purity of our conuersation.may not be hurtfull & offensiue, we must looke to the purity of it: and so these rules following are of singular vse.
First, in generall, Refraine thy tongue from euill, and thy lips that they speake no guile, Psal. 34. 13. For he that keepeth his mouth, keepeth his soule, Prou. 21. 23. Take heed of the vsuall vices of the tongue: for thereout may come much mischiefe, and discontent to thy selfe and others.
Secondly, in particular looke to thy selfe carefully, that thou auoide those three euils mentioned by the Apostle, Ephes. 5. 4. viz. filthy speaking, foolish talking and iesting. By iesting he meanes those biting iests, that vnderunder pretence of shewing wittines, or conceit, doe secretly leaue disgrace vponupon the persons whom they concerne.
Thirdly, auoid with detestation the excesse in drinking and reuelling, and suffer thy selfe vponupon no pretence, to bee drawne to giuegive way to thine owne practice in them, 1 Pet. 4. 3.
CHAP. XXII.
How we must carry our selues out of company.
THus of thy carriage in generall in company. Now out of company thou must looke to these things.
First, thou must fashion thy 1. The rules that order vsus out of company.heart, by the vse of all good meanes, to the louelove all sorts of men. This foreign, louelove of men, is a vertue little thought on, yet greatly necessary, as a foundation of all practice in conuersing with others, and we should labour to abound in louelove towards all men, 1 Thess. 3. 12.
Secondly, remember to pray for all sorts of men. This is a precept giuen vsus in charge by the Apostle, 1 Tim. 2. 1. and belongs to this place, and we ought to make conscience of it according to the occasions of our callings, or acquaintance with other men: wee should euen in secret seeke to profit our neighbours by praying for them.
Thirdly, we should prouide, euen out of company to order our affaires so, as that we may liue
1. Honestly, without scandall, 1 Cor. 10. 32. Phil. 1. 10.
2. Iustly, without deceit or fraudulent dealing, Leuit. 19. 35, 36. 1 Thess. 4. 6.
3. Peaceably, without strife with any, if it be possible, Prou. 3. 29, 30. Zach. 7. 10. Heb. 12. 14.