Conflicts and Comforts of Conscience, Treatise · Chapter 6
CHAP. VI. How in this case notwithstanding, the poore forlorn Patient may find reliefe.
YET in this perplexed state, whatsoeuer his offence may bee, more or lesse, this may bee one comfort to him, at least in the behalfe of the Church of God, that the Ministers thereof should bee so zealous of the credite of their Sacred calling, that if any one among them shall by some exorbitancie or irregularitie dishonour the same, without any apparent signe of remorse or repentance, all are so affected with it, as they looke on their Delinquent Brother a farre off, as men doe vponupon a Plag…y or Leprous person. Yea let him account it his happinesse to liue in such a Church, whose Sheepherds are so tender of his, and their owne vnstained puritie. For in such a Church (if any such Church bee vponupon earth) no Minister will euer dare to bee so couetous, one of a thousand as to heape vp riches, and reuenues one vponupon another, without number, waight, or measure, more like a Secular Potentate, then a Spirituall *Optimus ille Dispē sator que sibi nihil reseruat. Hiero…y.Stuard, or Sheepherd: For if so, hee must looke to bee, not had in admiration for his wealth, but *Nogotia…orem Clericum, et ex inop…di…ite… e…gnobili gloriosum, …. H…er. id Nepot.scorned and shunned of the whole frat…rnitie, as a man vnwor…hy, vnfit, vna…le to teach others the way to Heauen, who hath taken vp his heauen vponupon earth, whose whole zeale to recommend Heauen to others, is for no other end, but that himselfe may inioy the earth alone. None of that Churches sacred Order, no nor any other prophane Secular will bee so shamlesly a Boon companion, to make the Tauerne his Studie, the Dice and Cards his Bookes, Fortunes boxe, the Poores box, to which his charitie sacrificeth of his contingent gaines, thus spending and spinning out the Thread of his life and liuelyhood, and all to make a Cobweb to couer him: For if so, God forbid he should hope for impunity, but let him looke iustly to bee cast out of his Brethrens societie, as a prodigious prodigall, fitter to keepe Hogges, then worthy to sheere the Lords Sheepe. No Minister then could euer halt in his Religion, be Idolatrously, or Popishly affected, or any way complie with Neutralitie and Lukewarmenesse in Religion, by preaching or otherwayes: If so, let him looke, that all the rest of his Brethren will, as one man, stand vp against him, and oppose him. No Minister will bee ambitious, haughtily affecting the honor of preeminence ouer his Brethren, rather then the burthen of his Office: If so, let him looke that they all, not out of carnall enuy, but holy zeale, will with their verie lookes humble and abase such a one, and with one voyce disclaime him, with a Nolumus hunc dominari super nos. No Minister will easily walke inordinatly, that is, as the Apostle applyeth it, not working in his Calling, or doing the worke of the Lord negligently: For if hee do, let him looke, after admonition, to be auoyded of all his Brethren as a Heathen or Publican, as our Sauiour speakes. According to that of the Apostle, If any that is called a Brother, be any of these, a Fornicatour, or Couetous, or an Idolater, or a Rayler, or a Drunkard, or an Extortioner, or such like, with such a one, no not to eat. In a word then, if this be done to one, who cannot iustly bee taxed with any of all these, who had rather dye, then sinne, yet through some frailtie, or folly hath offended his Brethren, though it bee infinitely more offensiue to his owne afflicted Soule, and for which hee is like all his life long to wade in this vaile of miserie, through a sea of sorrows, and flood of teares: Then what may another expect, that walketh in an open scandalous course, without the least touch of remorse, much lesse signe of reformation? Especially in such a Church, whose greatest care and vigilancie is to bee found without spot or wrinckle, since the Apostle saith, If any man obey not our word, note that man, and hauehave no companie with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet (oh that wee would note this Apostolicke caution well, and put it in better practise!) count him not as an enemie, but admonish him as a Brother. And yet (alas!) for many seueere Censurers, where is one brotherly Admonisher? For all are ready to condemn, to contemne, when many times (if they knew all) they had more need to comfort their deiected and disconsolat Brother, if euer themselues tasted of the same bitter Cup of Spirituall discomforts.
Another mitigation of his maladie may arise from the consideration of the perfect condition of these his Brethren, and that as others sinne, so (it is to bee hoped) their owne also in the first place, cannot but bee displeasing to themselues, and then the comfort may bee, that one time or other at last, they will looke more fauourably vponupon him, be reconciled vntounto him, take him into their bosome againe, they cannot bee implacable at least rebuke him in the Spirit of meekenesse, as knowing that themselues also may be tempted. And thus let me be the obiect of contempt to my Brethren, while I may inioy the sight of the vnstainednesse of their perfections: and themselues without enuie honoured and admired of all. But yet (alas!) these comforts will not come home enough. To reioyce at the happy estate of Gods Church and Children, though it be a symptom and signe of true grace, and a qualitie proper to none, but to Gods elect Saints: Yet what comfort can it bee for a man, to reioyce at others well-fare, and in the meane time to bee pressed downe with the waight of his owne vnworthinesse? Or how can he be comforted to see others in honor, that is himselfe compassed about with disgrace? Could the sight of Lazarus in Abraham's bosome any whit comfort poore Diues, now in Hell torments, or not rather add fuell to those flames? Much lesse shall hee euer thinke to extenuate his owne sinne, and consequently mitigate his sorrow, by discouering or vncharitably thinking that there may be farre greater obliquities in others, then hee can easily find to bee in himselfe. As though anothers Plague would asswage my Feuer: Or anothers Gangreue my Reduuiae, or sore finger. Yea, on the contrarie, the least sinne becomes the more damnable, when it seekes a patronage, or shaddow from some others Master-sinne. This is to looke vponupon others sinnes with a Perspectiue glasse, turning that end outward, which dilateth and multiplyeth the obiect, but the other towards a mans selfe, which contracteth and abateth it. Nor is it safe for a man so to compare or parallel himselfe with others, as looking onelyonly on their infirmities and slips, but not on their more masculine vertues and graces: And on the other side, reflecting vponupon his owne moralities, perhaps not mixed with the like imperfections, at least in apparence, yet comming as farre short of the others perfections, and nobler parts, thereupon either to comfort himselfe, or to contemn them, in comparison of himselfe. As I remember a sweet obseruation of Saint Augustine to this purpose:Aug. cōtra Manich. l. 22. c. 68. Multi nunquam Christum vel semel abnogauerunt, nec eius pro nostra salute passionem improbauerunt, nec Gentes Iudaizare coegerunt, & tamen Petro, qui haec fecit, impares comparebunt. Ita multi fideles, nullius appetentes vxorem, nullum maritum appetitae vsque ad mortem persequentes, Dauidicum tamen meritum, qui ista fecit, non attingunt. Tantum interest, quod cuique in seipso, quantun que displiceat, vt penitus extirpetur: & quid pro eo fructiferum, & opulentum ingenti feracitate consurgat: quia & agricolae plus placent agri, qui spinis etiam magnis eradicatis, centenum proferunt: quam qui nullas vnquam spinas habuerunt, & vix ad tricenum perueniunt. Many neuer, no not once, denied Christ, nor discommended his Passion for our Saluation, nor compelled the Gentiles to Iudaize; and yet they will be found far inferiour to Peter, who did these things. So also many Belieuers, hauing neither des…red any mans wife, nor persecuted the husband of any desired, vntounto the death, yet they attaine not to Dauid's excellencie, who did these things. Of so great consequence is it, what displeaseth euerie man in himselfe, and how much, that it may vtterly bee rooted out; and what in stead thereof springeth vp, as a fruitfull and rich crop: because euen those Fields doe more delight the Husbandman, which hauing great Thornes scrubbed duplicate page duplicate page vp, doe bring forth an hundred fold: then those, which neuer had any such Thornes, and yet scarcely amount to thirtie-fold. So he.
But to find solid comfort, the Patient must imitate the Spouse, who being beaten by the Watchmen, for not keeping her owne Vine, yet goes on with all care and diligence to seeke out him, whom her Soule loued, whom till shee found, she could find no sound comfort. Christ is that great and good Sheepherd, that gaue his life for his Sheep. He is that mercifull High Priest, who takes compassion of our infirmities. If any man sinne, we (wee saith the beloued Disciple) we hauehave an Aduocate with the Father, Iesus Christ the righteous, and he is the Propitiation for our sinnes. This is that sweet Iesus, who reiected not his penitent Apostle, though he had denied him thrice. This is that Iudge, before whom the woman …eprehended in Adulterie, being accused, shee found merciemercy, when her accusers, readier to stone her, then so much as once to smite vponupon their own brest, yet slunke away selfe-condemned, not abiding the issue of their accusation, while shee, neither seeking to hide her sinne, nor to hasten from the sentence, wholly committing her cause to the clemency of the Iudge, was dismissed with this comfortable speech, Neither do I condemne thee, go, & sin no more. To this merciful Iudge let the distressed Conscience appeale, when all the world accuseth, condemneth.
And now O Lord Iesus Christ, thou onelyonly compassionate Physitian of the wounded Spirit, thou onelyonly refresher of the wearie, and laden, thou onelyonly mercifull High Priest, who wast therefore acquainted with infirmities, yet without sinne, that thou might'st take compassion euen of our sinfull infirmities: Vouchsafe to reflect one looke of grace vponupon thy wretched Scruant, which as the Sunne-beame may so warme the cold comfortlesse Soule, as sending vp vapourie sighes towards Heauen, they may distill in such a kindly sad showre of godly sorrow, as to cause the parched ground of my heart to fructifie more abundantly, as after the latter raine, to a blessed Haruest. O Lord Christ, my sinnefull Soule dare the more boldly appeale, and approch to thy Iudgement Seat, beecause thy selfe was iudged for me, and art become not onelyonly my Iudge, but my Aduocate. At thy Barre, I feare not to hold vp the hand of my faith, and to open the mouth of humble sorrow to confesse guiltie. Seeing I cannot doe this, but presently, as by the Law of Relation, thou auouchest thy selfe my Sauiour, my Suretie, my Sacrifice, my Satisfaction, in whose pure Blood all my pollutions are washed, on whose Crosse the hand-writing of all that debt of mine, more then ten thousand Talents, is fast nayled, and cancelled. Oh, that it where my lot, to hauehave none other Iudge, but thy selfe, to be sentenced at none other Barre, but thy Tribunall! Why? Because thou ar… not Iust? Yea a most vpright Iudge. But oh, that I might fall into thy hands onelyonly, and not into the hands of men! For with thee there is merciemercy, that thou mayest be feared. Thou so forgiuest sinne,Aug. de peccatorū meritis et remiss. l. 2. cap. 19 as withall thou forgettest it, cancelling and crossing thy Booke: But man once offended, writes it in his marble heart, for perpetuall remembrance. OnelyOnly thou playest the good and wise Physitian, keeping *Idcirco Sanctos et fideles suos in aliquibus vitiis tardius sanat, vt in his eos minùs, quàm implendae ex omni parte iustitiae sufficit, delectet bonum, vt quantum tertinet ad integerrimam regulam veritatis eius, non iustificetur in conspectu eius omnis v…uens Nec in eo ipso vul… nes dam…abiles, sed humiles, commendans nobis eandem gratiam suam, ne facilitatem in omnibus assecuti, nostrum putemus esse, quod e…us est.long open the deeper wound, least the suddaine healling and closing of it vp might proue dangerous. Thus thou dealt'st with Dauid, who lying weltering in his blood, thou the good Samaritan took'st compassion, poured'st in thy healing Oyle of pardon, but withall the corosiue wine of humiliation, so to eat out, or suppresse the luxuriant new-growne flesh, lest festering inwardly, it might proue to a Gangreene. And when I am thus cast vponupon the worlds reproch, I know it is not without thy iust, good, and wise all-disposing hand. Thou sawest what small fruit all my ordinarie and euerie-day repentance brought forth, how it did not worke in me such a perfect hatred and detestation of sinne, such an exact care and Conscience of auoyding the least appearance of euill, as thou requirest; how it laboured at the best rather to lop off the out-branches of sinne, as eye-sores of the world, then putting the axe to the root of the Tree, to stub it vp with all the radicall sprigs and sprouts of affections. And how easie is it to slubber ouer repentance, when the heart is not possessed with a due estimate of the smallest sinne? I thought all was well, or at least tollerable, being free from the maine Act, nor making practise, nor taking pleasure, nor walking in a purpose, nor watching opportunitie, nor pursuing the meanes of committing sinne with greedinesse. Or if at any time a temptation did ouertake me, to yeald assent, vponupon thy gratious preuention, I so reioyced with the Pharisee, Lord, I thanke thee, &c. as I neglected the Publicans Prayer, Lord be mercifull to me a sinner. Not duely considering in the meane time, either the strictnesse of thy Law, or the Sacredness of my Person & Profession, the one straitly prohibiting, the other infinitely aggrauating the least degree of, or disposition vntounto sinne, causing that to bee mortall in me, which in others might bee accounted veniall. And although thou knowest, Lord (which I dare the more freely recount, to the glorie of thy Grace) how often, when occasions were offered, euen inuiting mee to sinne (boldnesse vsurping the seat of bashfulnesse) I hauehave by thy present assistance (not else, while mine owne corruption, (when left to it selfe) would easily hauehave followed) auoided, declined them; and where I hauehave obserued temptations to be strongest, and danger most apparant, hauehave purposely, not daring to trust vponupon mine owne weake strength, withdrawn my selfe, where I hauehave beene like to bee taken with the lime-twigs, which the cunning fowler layd for mee; hauehave I not taken the wings of the Doue, to fly a loft from the danger? yea sometimes finding vponupon triall, a flexibility in the obiect, hauehave I not disswaded, hauehave I not counselled for good? Yet all this, all this while, as it seemeth, so deceitfull is the heart aboue all things,) not with that zealous affection, not with that thorow hatred of sinne, as was requisite. Certainly I did not with all my power resist the Diuell; so that it gaue him incouragement to watch still new occasions to take me tardie, when I should least dreame of danger; and obseruing my spirituall armour not so tightly girt to my loynes, but like Ioabs sword to hang loose, and dangling about me, hee hoped one time or other to smite me vnawares, as Ioab did Amasa, kissing and killing both at once. And could he at all hauehave inclosed mee in his toyle, had not thy wonderful *Deus diligētibus eū omnia cooperatur in bonum, vsque aedeo prorssus omnia, vt etiam si qui eorum deuiant & exorbitāt, etiam hoc ipsum eis faciat proficere in bonum quia humiliores redeunt, atque doctiores. Aug. de Corr. & gra. cap. 9Prouidence so disposed it to a further end, then Sathan imagined? Hast thou there left me? No surely. For first, hauing chastised and purged me with a fiery sicknesse nigh vntounto death, and heard my praier for deliuerance, and for a renewed, redubled strength in my Ministry, to be a poore instrument of thy glory, which my folly had any way stained: how hast thou followed mee euer since? what with assisting grace, what with aff…iccting griefe, least I might bee either too much exalted, with the one; or too much depressed with the other? And hath not thy vnchangable wisedome for this very cause, left some corruptions in thy holiest Saints, to keepe them in the ballance of a due temper, that so the tempter might not attaine to his wished ends, while hee meeteth with two contrary windes to saile withall. For when hee would tempt to pride for the indowments of thy graces, how doe our very corruptions stand vp against him to our humiliation. On the other side, when he would tempt vsus to diffidence, deiection, desperation, in regard of our indwelling or out-breaking sinnes, then thy grace interposeth it selfe, not onelyonly as a token of thine vnchangeable louelove, but as a mighty weapon, to batter downe all Satans strong holds. Hereof hast thou giuen mee sufficient experience: herein abundant cause of comfort: so that, may not I say with Dauid, Thy rod (of castigation) and thy staffe (of consolation and sustentation) comfort mee? But yet (alas!) O Lord, was there no other way to preserue the wine of thy grace in me, but vponupon the Lees of my corruptions? No way to poise the course of my brittle barke, that so it might safely bring the Pearle of the kingdome to the wished hauen, but with the base ballace of sinne? No antidote to preserue me from being exalted aboue measure, for the portion of thy free goodnesse towards me, but by the treacle, compounded of the Serpent, sinne? But I may not reason with thee, whose iudgements are vnsearchable, whose wayes past finding out. But Lord did not thy all piercing eye discouer some monstrous pride lurking in my heart, ready to breake out, and beare it selfe bigge, when it should behold it selfe any way beautified with the borrowed feathers of thy Doue-like spirit: and rather then I should rob thee of thy glory, and so be left naked of thy grace, it seemed good to thy wisedome to permit the preuention of it with the humiliation of mine own shame? For otherwise, hast thou not (in the midst of my infinite weakenesses) giuen me a minde to know thee, a desire to please thee, a will to obey thee, a heart to prefer thy glory before my life, a resolution to choose rather to dye a thousand deaths, then to commit the least sinne? But, O wretched man that I am, the cause of all my calamity is in my selfe; this body of death which I carry about, is the source of all my sorrow. Yet seeing this is the cōmon cōdition of thy Saints, none to be exempt from indwelling corruption, all, the best, the holiest, to cry out of it, some for shame, all for sorrow, why should I thinke by any priuiledge, to be holier then they? or being the weakest, the worst of all the rest, shall not thy mercy, thy merits be magnified so much the more in blotting out my misdeeds. I am sure I cannot be a greater sinner, then thou art a Sauiour. Nor dost thou saue, but the soule, humbled with, or for sinne: nor dost thou salue, but the wounded spirit. And if no physicke can worke with me,Crudelem medicum intemperans ager saut. Sen. but such sharpe corrosiues, Satans buffeting messengers; then cut, ceare, spare not, so thou curest me; so thou workest in me such a gracious both humiliation for sinnes, and humility in the vse of thy graces, that being made lower then all contempt, I may be hid in the dust, vntill the indignation passe ouer; alwaies waiting and longing for thy comming to iudgement, when all sinne in thine elect shall be for euer abolished, the root remoued, the guilt remitted, the staine washed, the reproach wiped away, the scars couered with beauty, the scorne with glory. Euen so come Lord Iesus.
But (alas!) O Lord, in the meane time, how many are the sharpe conflicts, which thy seruant must still looke to incounter with in the poore remaines (if ought yet remaine) of this momentany life? Temptations to new, temptations for old sinnes; no security for the future, no safty for the present, terrours within, fightings without, no peace but onelyonly in thee, with thee. How shall my Arke ouercome such a deluge, my Barke beare vp against such billowes of Satans assaults, of the worlds affronts, as still abide me, still abase me, vnlesse thou the great Pilot, rebuke, represse, restraine them, adding new strength to my wearied and weatherbeaten soule, to resist, to ouercome. Is it possible, that a poore wretch, forlorne, forsaken of all, should subsist, but by an Omnipotent hand supporting? Herein doth the excellency of thy grace most clearely shine: as in preuenting thy Saints from falling into many enormities: so much more, when fallen, and that into some scandalous offence (the strongest of al trials) in preseruing them from falling away from their faith and affiance in thee, euen then, when all men, in face and affection, are fallen away from them. Soueraigne is that grace which preuents the fault; but much more, that ouercomes the guilt; as health is more easily kept, then recouered. This was that all-sufficient grace of thine, whereby Dauid bore vp against infinite trials and troubles, inward, outward, by reason of his sinne. A president or example sufficient to vindicate the glory of thy Grace in preseruing thy Saints from falling away from thee, against all opposition. And now Lord be pleased so to sustaine the weakest of all thy seruants from sinking vnderunder the wares euen of most violent temptations, that in him all may see that all-sufficient indeficient grace of thine in thine elect, being in them a well of liuing water, springing vp vntounto euerlasting life, neuer failing, nor forsaking them: O neuer suffer mee thy seruant to become a spectacle of desertion, least the world should say, Either is that no true grace, from whence the professours of grace do fall; or being true, they are no true Prophets, that once hauing it, come to loose it. Thus shall my sliding be imputed to the impotency of my corrupt nature, but my subsisti…g to the omnipotency of thy pure grace, in both which shall appeare the glory both of thy mercy in pardoning, and of thy grace in preseruing. Thus what dammage any might receiue by the example of my frailty, it may redound to their greater aduantage, by the stability of my faith, while thy grace shall either establish them in thy truth, or restore them from their errour. Thus to them that louelove thee, all things shall by thy grace … for good, euen to all the C…lled according to thy purpose. T…s nothing shall separate vsus from thy louelove. Thus are we more then conquerors through thee, who louest vsus. Thus is thy strength made perfect in our weaknesse.Rom. 8. 2 …hes▪ … Thus shalt thou be glorif…ed in thy Saints, and admired in … them that beleeue. Thus, teach vsus, O Lord, to worke out our saluation with feare and trembling, because it is Thou, that workest in vsus both to will and to doe, of thy good pleasure. Thus, if Thou be with vsus, who shall be against vsus? Thus, who shall lay any thing against the charge of Gods Elect? It is God that iustifieth, who is he that condemneth? seeing it is thou, O Christ, who dyedst, or rather who art risen againe, being at the right hand of God, making intercession for vsus.