The Golden Book of Christian Matrimony, Chapter 14
¶ The. xiiii. Chapter.
Of the fyrst cohabitacion or dwellyng togyther, and louelove of marryed folkes.
AFter that we nowe hyther to hauehave brefely spoken of the elecciō of a comely spouse, & of y• earand in the cause of maryed folkes. church goyng also, and of the declaryng and con firmaciō of the parties in wedlocke: I must declare, howe they bothe maye lyue well and ryght togyther, and faythefully kepe and increace the louelove and dewty of mariage.
And here ye fyrst dwellyng togyther is moost …aunger in the fyrste …o a habitacion.daungerous of all For where folkes neuer came togyther afore, & the one is not yet accustomed wythe the other, and where sometyme also they are of contrary condicions and natures among thē selues. There or euer they can dwell vnderunder one rofe, and afore theo ne learneth to know the other: much contencion happeneth many tymes and if the same be not preuented at the begynnyng, there spryngeth worsse thynges therof.
For the dyue…the enemy of all vnite crepeth in here also, and laboureth fast, that he maye lykewyse hauehave hys porcion, and that he maye make the marryed folkes not to agre well the one with the tother. Agaynst whome, they that are nowe marryed, must diligently watch and fyght, and gyue the Dyuell no place, but remember well, what maye followe vntounto them by suche to early discorde. And the same maye they learne by thys ensample followyng: if two boordes at the fyrst be not well cowpled and ioyned the one to the Marke thys exāple well.other, they neuer are fastened right afterwarde. But if the fyrst couplyng & ioyning togyther be good, than can there afterward no violēce driue the boordes asunder, yea the whole boorde dothe sooner breake, thē the glewyng of thē togyther.
They therfore that are marryed, must apply theyr speciall diligēce, that theyr fyrst cohabitaci Howe marryed folkes ought to behaue thē selues whanne they fyrste dwell togyther.on & dwellyng togyther be louyng & frendely, & not separated thorow ony spytefull contencion, for so shal the whole estate of your mariage prosper the better, and hauehave the more tran…ilite & rest, as longe as ye lyue. And though there happen to aryse any clowde of discorde, yet let them beware, that at the least there be not to muche displeasure, disdayne and inconuenience. For yf at the begynnynge of mariage there chaunse suche rudenes and vncomely discorde, then wyll it alwaye be breakyng oute, euen as it is wythe great woundes and broken legges, whyche seldome are so thorowely healedde, but sometyme hey hauehave payne at the chaunge of the wether. Euē so yf married folkes behaue thē selues thus vnhonestly the one toward the other at the fyrst & if discorde be once begonne betwene them, the olde cancker wyll breake agayne, thoughe it be scaled afterwarde. Then come suche vnsemelye wordes as these be. Thus dyddest thou serue me also afore. It were my parte to learne to gyue lytle credence vntounto the. &c. And after this manner doth that to early discorde make the whole lyfe. & the whole state of mariage, bytter and sower.
Let eueryevery one consither this aforehande, and Howe they must behaue thēselues at theyr fyrst be yng togitherrefrayne, forbeare and suffer: And if all be not after his mynd, let him remember the wordes of S. Paule. One beare anothers burthen, and so shall ye fulfyll the lawe of Christ Let one suffer wyth another. In the meane season let eche one learne to be acquaynted with the nature & condi cions of the tother, and to apply hym selfe accor dyng to the same, in asmuch as they must nedes dwell togyther, one enioye another, and the one dye & lyue with the other. Remēber youre selues well on both the sydes, that if ether of you wyll be so styffe mynded, & stand so in his owne conceate, A good lessō both for the man and the wyfe.ye shall neuer hauehave good nor good dayes to gyther. What auaylethe you then youre owne noysome condicions? Whā thou perceauest thy selfe to hauehave ought in the (whiche dothe displease thy husbāde, the best is that thou amende it. Yf any thyng thē do displease the, speake thy mynde, & that discretely vntounto thy husbande, to the in tēte that he may leaue it, yf sensualite go to wor ke, it marreth all. Wyth the first can we not op teyne, alwaye, & of eueryevery man, what so euer we wolde fayne hauehave. Contracy wyse: Chastening hath yet hyr owne dew tyme & place. The tyme also and your dwellyng together shall minister much occasiō, so that in processe of tyme manye thinges shall be more tollerable vntounto the that at the fyrste yu thoughtest rough, & couldest not suf fre. But afore all thynges, ye prayer of fayth vn to god, shall make moost peace & rest. God only hath oure hartes in his hande, be can bowe thē & alter thē as he wyl: Leaue not thou now thy cal lynge. What soeuer we desyre of God in a true beleue, yf it be not agaynst his glorye and oure saluacion, he will geue it vsus. But thys prayer maye not ceasse, as Christ teacheth. Luke, xviii.
As for such as in theyr owne inordinate lustes not regarding thys our instrucciō and war nynge go on styll, and as soone as in theyr first Mark the… g…odly exa ple.dwelling together they fynd ought in theyr spou se that is agaynst them, do braule and crye. Noman, but euen the deuell himselfe sente the (vntounto me, etc. Those men do, euen, lyke as yf one had bought a vyneyarde, and shulde go into it afore ye tyme, to proue the grapes, which yf they What maried folkes ow… one to another.were yet hard and sower, that is vnseasonable and not rype) he shulde therfore plucke vp the vynes, and destroye the whole yarde. For lyke as here the tyme muste be consydred, so muste the one forbeare the other in theyr fyrst commīg together. And though the grapes be rype, yet is not the iewse immedeately wyne at the begynning, but first, is it must, then sweter, at the last wyne: yee the yeare and age maketh it in manye places, the longer the better and the more pleasaunt. He that will not now tary the tyme, but cast out the wyne, because it is not wyne by and by, but is must first, and then sweter wyne that man must nedes lacke wyne at his nede: Euen so yf thou wylt suffre no infirmyte ner blemishe thou must take none to be thy spouse. For almē are tempted and eueryevery one hath his own speciall blemysh and fault, ouer and besydes the weakenesse and imperfection that we hauehave of our first father Adam. Wherfore let not eueryevery man speake and do here what so euer commethe into hys brayne, but remembre that we all are men, and that accordynge to the olde Prouerbe. In space commeth grace.
And to the intent that eueryevery man in this enfourmacion and in the state of mariage, maye behaue hymselfe the more handesomlye and the better, I wyll nowe brefelye declare, what maryed folkes (because of gods commaundemente) do owe one to another, namely ordinate ob…dyence, & coniugall louelove mutuall, whiche is of all loues, the greatest For who so euer doth earnest ly pondre these thynges, and consydreth thē well shall not onelyonly behaue himselfe ordinately and louyngely at theyr first dwellynge together, but thorow out the whole state of mariage (as lōg as he lyueth he shall spend his tyme well in vnite quyetnesse, and in all good maner. Touchynge this obediēce and louelove matrimoniali, I wyll all ledge the verye worde of God, to the intente that this instruccion may generally take the more ef fect, and that eueryevery man (not folowynge here the same, may know, that he synneth openly agaynste god and agaynst hys holy ordynaunce.
Paul, Ephe. v. sayeth thus: ye wyues, submytt The dewtye & obedience of wyues.your selues vntounto your husbandes, as vntounto the lorde. For the husband is the wyues heade, like as Christ also is the head of the congregation, & sauyour of hys body. Now as the congregacion or church is in subiection vntounto Christe so let the wiues also be in subiection to theyr hus bandes in all thynges. First doth Paule speake of the obediēce, that maried wemē owe to theyr husbandes. Let the wemē sayth he be in subiection, that is to say, seruiseable & obediēt vntounto their husbandes. And addeth therto, that they must esteme this obedience none otherwyse, then yf it where shewed vntounto god himselfe. Wherout it fo loweth, that the sayde obedience extendethe not vntounto wickednesse & euell, but vntounto that whiche is good, honest, and comely. In asmuche as god deliteth onelyonly in goodnesse, and forbyddeth euell eueryevery where. It foloweth also, that the disobediēce, whiche wiues shew vntounto their husbandes displeaseth god no lesse, thē whan he is resisted hymselfe.
Secondly, Paul doth lykewyse adde the occa …he husbād is the heade of the wyfe.sion, whye wemen oughte to be subieccion to theyr husbandes. Euen because the husbonde is the wifes heade. Whych, sayenge he toke oute of the thyrde chapter of Gene, where it is wrytten thus: And the lorde sayde vntounto ye womā. Thou shalt depend and wait vponupon thy husbādes beck, him shalt thou feare, and he shall hauehave aucthori te ouer the. Thus wryteth Paule himself. i. Ti moth. ii. I suffre not a womā to teach or preach or to hauehave dominion ouer her husband. For Adam was first made and thē Eua. And Adam was not disceaued but the woman was disceaued, and brought in the transgressyon. For asmuch then as the mastershippe and takynge of auctorite vponupon her could not well be dryuen out of the woman, therfore god to punyshe the sinne, humbled her, made her fearfull and subdued her. Such punyshment and ordinaunce of God ought they to regarde, and wyth a good wyll (ac cordyng to the commaundement of the Lorde, to obey theyr husbandes, leest they fall into Gods wrathe and into further punyshment.
But to the intent that the husband shall not Howe y• husbande … the head.turne hys aucthorite vntounto tyrany, therfore doth Paule declare, after what maner and howe the husbande is the wyues heade. The husbande (saythe he) is the wyfes head, euen as Christ is the head of hys congregacion. Nowe is Christ so the heade of the congregacion, that he shewethe vntounto it the same thyng, whiche the head sheweth vntounto the bodye. The head seeth and hearethe for the whole body, ruleth and gydethe the body and geueth it strength of lyfe. Euen so doth Christ defende, teache & preserue his congregacion. To be shorte, he is the sauioure, conforte, eye, harte, wisdome and gyde therof. Therfore muste the husbandes be heades vntounto the wyues in lyke ma ner, to shewe them lyke kyndenes, and after the same fashyon to guyde them and rule them with discresion for theyr preseruacion, and not wyth force and wylfulnesse to entreate them.
Thyrdly, Paul setteth an ensample to the wi ues howe they must be obedient & behaue thē sel ues vntounto theyr husbandes, & saythe: Lyke as the chyrche is in subiecciō to Christ, so let the womē How the wyues muste obeye and behaue them selues.be in subiecciō to theyr husbondes in all thinges But howe is the chyrche in subiecciō to ye Lord? She hath respecte only vntounto hym, & dependethe vponupon his worde. As for straunge & fond husbandes, she harkeneth not vntounto them, but kepeth her selfe pure and cleane (and that continually) vntounto hym in all faythfulnes: Loke what Christ comman̄deth her, ye receueth she into her harte, & doth it: Contrary to Christ and wythout his wyll & worde, dothe she nothyng. For in eueryevery thyng yt she goethe aboute, she seakethe and requireth for Christes worde, she loueth Christ only & aboue al thynges, she is glad and wyllyng to suffer for Christes sake, she doeth all for the louelove of hym. Christ only is her conforte, ioye and altogither. Upon Christ is her thought day & nyght, she lō gethe onelyonly after Christ, for Christes sake also (if it maye serue to his glory) is she hartely well content to dye, yea she gyueth ouer herselfe wholly therto for Christes louelove, knowyng assuredly, that her soule, her houour, body, lyfe and all that she hathe, is Christes owne. Thus also must eueryevery honest wyfe submit her selfe, to serue her husband wythe all her power, and gyue herselfe ouer frely and wyllyngly, neuer to forsake hym tyll the houre of death: to hold her content wyth her husbande, to louelove hym onelyonly, to harken vntounto hym, & in all thynges to order her selfe after hys commaundement. &c.
Nowe followeth it in Paule lykewyse, what The dewtys and louelove of husbandes.the husbandes owe to theyr wyues, & how they ought to louelove them. Ye husbandes, sayth he, louelove your wyues, as Christ loued the congregacion, and gaue hymselfe for it, to sanctify i…, and hath clensed it. &c. The husbandes dewetye is to louelove hys wyfe. Nowe is louelove gētle and frendly, she is not disdaynefull, she seketh not her owne profyt she is not proude, she is not pufte vp, she is not hastely prouoked vntounto wrathe, she takethe not a thyng soone to the worste, she is not lothsome & tedious, but feruente & seruiseable, and therfore (as we sayde afore) the husbande is the wyues head, that is, her defender, teacher and conforte. Yet nedeth it no farther declaraciō, for as muche as Saynt Paule hymselfe sheweth the maner & fashyon of the louelove, that is, howe they oughte to louelove theyr wyues, and sayth: Ye men louelove youre How menne shoulde louelove theyr wyues.wyues, as Christ loueth the cōgregacion. Howe dyd Christ louelove the congregacion. It is wrytten: No mā hath greater louelove, than he y• ieopardeth his lyfe for his frend. Such louelove hath christ shewed to his congregacion. For it followeth in Paul: Christ gaue hymselfe for it. For what in tent: Euen to sanctify it and to clense it.
This is thē the measure of the mutuall louelove matrimoniall, that eche party hauehave nothyng to ☞deare, whiche he can not be content to gyue and bestow vponupon his maryed spouse, in as much as it is required of hym, that if n…de be, he shall also not spare his owne lyfe for hys spouses sake.
And lyke as Christ thoughte no scorne of hys churche, despised her not, neyther forsoke her because of her vncleannes and synnes. So shoulde no Christen marryed man spurne at hys wyfe, nor sette lyght by her because that sometyme she fayleth or is tempted & goeth wronge: but euen as Christ norysheth and teacheth his church, so ought the husband also louyngly to enfourme … instructe hys wyfe.
But marke & consyther this well: O ye Christen …ow holy … thynge louelove matrimoniall i….maryed folkes, that Iesus Christ the sonne of God, and the holy Christen chyrche, and the holy body of them bothe, are set forth for an ensample or myrcoure to the state of wedlocke and co…gall louelove. A more excellent, a more holy, a more goodly and purer ensample coulde not be shewed. Thus truely must it nedes folow, that louelove matrimoniall is highly accepted vntounto God as an ordinate, holy, and godly louelove: Contrary wyse it must followe, that vnquietnesse, hatred and frowardnes in mariage displeased GOD exceadyngly. For an hyghe louelove is it that God requireth of marryed folkes, therfore synne they not but do well and ryght, whan they, because of Gods commaundement, beare great frendshyp and louelove, the one to the other.
It followeth moreouer in Paul: So oughte A man … louelove his wife as his owne body.y• husbandes to louelove theyr wiues, as theyr owne bodyes. He that louethe his wyfe, louethe hymself. For no mā hath at any tyme hated his own fleshe, but doth norysh and cheryshe it For this cause shall a man leaue father and mother, and kepe hym to his wyfe, and they two shall be one fleshe. Therfore ought eueryevery man to louelove hys owne wyfe as hymselfe. All theyse are the holy Apostles wordes, which hauehave this consideraciō: Wedlocke maketh of two personnes one: For they two, sayth the Lord, are one flesh. Therfore must the husband louelove his wyfe no notherwyse then his owne body. And as it is a very vnnaturall thyng for a man to hate hys owne flesh & bloud, euē so is it to be estemed vnnaturall, that one spouse shulde hate the other. All we cheryshe our owne bodyes and norysh them. Reason is it then that we cheryshe oure wyues, and do them good, for they are our owne bodyes. And as ther is great vnite and mutuall louelove amōg y• partes of a mans body, so ought there to be also betwene them that are maried togyther. EueryEvery mēbre healpeth a nother, they are sory & mery togither, there in not one that checke the and obbraydethe another, eueryevery one hath his place & office in the body, and doth his dewty wythout grudgynge: Euen so lykewyse must it be betwene man and wyfe. Thus much hauehave I shortly spoken out of Paule, towthynge that louelove which is due to be had in wedlocke.