The Golden Book of Christian Matrimony, Chapter 12
¶ The. xii. Chapter.
…ow one that entēdeth to mary, shulde chose a mete, honest, and vertuous mate.
ANd hytherto hauehave I declared whence wed locke cōmethe, who dyd institute it, what it is, how it ought orderly to be contracted, what be the occasions end and vertue therof. Item howe holy, profitable and good it is. Agayne, howe horrible, noysome and shamefull whoredome and aduoutry is. But forasmuche as in the occasions of wedlocke it is mencioned how y• wedlocke was ordined of God, to the intent that maryed folkes shulde spend theyr lyfe in y• mutuall participaciō of al such thinges as God sendeth, y• they may bryng forth chyldrē, or they maye auoyd whordome, or for the eschew… ynge of perellous, solenes, that the one maye be a conforte and helpe to the other accordyng to y• wyll of GOD: And for asmuche also as in the meane season there lyethe great importaunce, & wayght vponupon it, what manner of companion & mate thou chosest, how thou mayest lyue wythe hym, and (yf God gyue the chyldren) howe thou mayest bryng them vp. Therfore in thys parte of …y boke followyng, I wyl treate how a mete honest and vertuous spouse ought to be chosen. Afterwarde, howe they ought on both the sydes to lyue well and ryght togyther, to hepe and increace the mutuall louelove and trouth of mariage, and fynally howe they muste well & vertuously bryng vp theyr chyldren.
For who so coupleth hymselfe wyth braul…g Ther… lyeth muche wayght in y• eleccion of thy …ate.folkes, & cōmeth to disquietnes, maye not complayne therof. Why lefce he not such cōtencious persons wythout his house? Who so nowe wyll hauehave a peaceable mariage, must not chose him a restlesse mate. He that wyll plante any thynge, A godly and not a …leensā ple:doth fyrst considre the nature of the ground, in the whiche he entendeth to plante. Muche more shuldest thou hauehave respecte to the condicions of thy spouse, oute of whome thou desyrest to plant chyldren, the frute of honeste and welfare. And lyke as plantynge and carefulnesse hathe great power in al growyng thinges: so hath it greater vertue and strength, yea and better frute in the diligent bryngynge vp of chyldren. Where as mariages and chyldrē do sometyme prosper euel the greatest cause therof, is the faulte in chosyng the partie, and in the chyldrens bryngynge vp. Nowe where as we fayle in this behalf, it commeth either of our owne fonde affeccion whiche we folow, and are seduced therby, or els cōmeth it of ignoraūce, as whan folkes wotte not wher vntounto they ought to hauehave respecte, or howe to do in the cause. And seyng that in these poyntes stō deth the makyng and marrynge of wedlocke, I wyll fyrst note in fewe wordes the moost necessary thyng that maye be spokē hereof: And fyrst wyll I speake of the chosyng of a spouse.
The chosynge, is a receauyng or acceptynge What the elec…ion is.of suche thynges as we thynke are mete for our ende and purpose. Therfore eueryevery election hath a finall respecte, that it is directed vntounto. For as much now as our talkynge here, is of the elecciō of a spouse, we must reduce to our remembrāce, the ende of wedlocke, that is to saye, the causes, why and wherfore it is contracted. Nowe hauehave Why mary… age is cōtrac ted.we heard afore, that the causes why it was orde ned▪ and wherfore it is to be receaued of ye two parsonnes, are these, euen to the intent that they shall cōtinually dwell togyther, and spende theyr lyfe in the mutuall participaciō of all such thyn ges as God sendeth, that they maye bryng forth chyldren, or that they maye auoyde whoredome, (for the eschewyng of per…llous solitarines) that the one maye be a conforte a…d healpe to ye other accordyng to the wyll of God.
Therfore thou that wylte chose, muste hauehave respecte vntounto these aforesayde poyntes, as to the finall ende & marke, set before the, & must proue wheth…r the parsonne, whome thou thynkest to …oyne vntounto thy selfe, hauehave these poyntes, whyche thou hast heard now recyted. And the same shalt thou well proue, if thou note diligently the rytches that are in man, of the whych I wyll nowe speake.
Thre manner of rytch… …re therin man, the Thre man… of rytche… … man.rytches of the mynde, of the body, and of temporall substaunce. The best & moost precious are the ritches of the mynde, as they without which the other two are more hurteful then profitable. The rytches of the mynde are, the feare of God, faythe, gods glory, gods seruyce, vnderstandyng Rytches of the ….or knowlege, prudēce, trueth, sobernes, righteous nes, liberalite, chastite, humblenesse, honesty and nourtoure, synglenesse and diligence: and suche lyke vertues. These lye not styll, neyther hyde them selues, wher so euer they be, but breake out diuerse wayes, so that they maye well be spyed, but specially in talkynge. For our Lorde Christ dyd say: Out of the abundance of the harte spea keth the mouth. They of the olde tyme sayd, that a mannes talkyng is the myrrour & messanger Language.of the mynd, in the whiche it maye be sene without, in what case the man is wythin. Therfore who so wyll knowe and hauehave experience howe a The feare of God.mans mynde standethe, let hym diligently note his communicacion, whether it be ioyned wt the feare of God, manerly, true, earnest honest, sted fast, and reasonable, or whether it be churlyshe & vngodly, nyce, vayneglorious, fayned, ful of wor des vnstedfast, vnhonest, vnreasonable and ioyned wyth lyghtenesse. And of these fruytes than shalt thou know the tree and roote of the harte. And thoughe ypocrisy vse much disceate in talkyng, yet canne no ypocrite go alwaye so craftely, but he shall sometyme stomble and bewray hym selfe.
But for the more suertye, it is good for the …ot only to marke his communicacion, but also other gestures & maners, howe the mā nowe behauethe hymselfe, howe he hathe done hytherto, Reputacion.what name and fame he hath had, and yet hath, what opinion otherwyse, and honest men hauehave of hym, howe he behaueth hymselfe in stondyng and goyng, & in all the partes of his body, what rayment he vseth, whether it be vayne, whorysh, Garmentes.wanton, lyghte, or mannerly and accordynge to his estate, reputacion and power, that is to saye, honest rayment. For rayment doth ofte giuegive cer tayne and sure testimony of pryde, lyghtenesse, wantonnesse, inconstancy, vnshamefastnesse, boastyng and of fylthynesse or vnclennesse, and other vices or vertues that are in mā. So maye Company.much be spyedalso, by the company and pastyme that he vseth. For a man is for the moost parte condicioned euen lyke vntounto them that he kepeth company wythe all. We se that among beastes wylde and tame, lyke wyll to lyke. The education The bryngyng by.also gyuethe great testimonye, namely by whome, & how eueryevery one is brought vp, whether it were among vertuous parsons or euell, whether the partie hathe continued in the nurtoure of the vertuous, & shewed hymselfe obedient, or whether he hath broke out of his disciplyne, and followed hys owne wylfulnesse. For it is but a smale matter for the to hauehave dwelte among vertuous men, but rather herein lyeth the wayght, howe farre & howe much thou hast folowed thē, & bene obedient vntounto them. Iudas was amonge the Apostles, brought vp of the Lord Christ, but for all that was he neuer the better. For he lefte not his wicked pran…es, nether was he obediēt.
Thorowe the occasion of all these thynges, & other lyke appartaynyng to the same, oughte eueryevery one to discerne the parsonne, whome he Note:hathe chosen to take to marriage, and to se that she be endewed with the sayd rytches of y• mynd and that to his purpose she be ryghte, peaceable, honest, mete and conuenient for hym to lyue wt all in wedlocke, as it besemethe, and as GOD hath iustituted. For lyke as in the mynde there are suche vertues as we hauehave spoken of, so are Frowarde wycked qua lities of the mynde:there in it also noysome wycked vices and destraccions, as vngodlynes, despysyng of Goddes worde, mysbelefe, ydolatry, Ma…etrye, ignoraunce, churlyshnes, lyeng, falsehood, ypocrisy, vnryghteousnesse, backebytyng, mistemperaūce, dronkennesse, couetousnesse, vnchastite, vnshamefastnesse, mysnurtoure, rashnesse, furyouse wantonnesse, pryde, presumpcion, vayneglorye, …hydyng, brawlyng, and vnhandsomnesse. Who so nowe chosethe hym a mate that is tangled wt suche noysome vices, seakethe not a spouse for a ryght peaceable and good honest lyfe, but a… hell a paynfulnes, a destrucciō of all expedient… vertuous lyuyng. Specially there is lytle good to be looked for, where as is vngodlynesse and despysyng of Goddes worde.
For lyke as the feare of God draweth ye who The des…ysing of gods worde. ☜le garland of …ertues wyth it, so bryngethe vngodlynesse all vice and abhominacion, …ea and shutteth vp the waye to amendement. For who so wyll not heare Gods worde, refuseth all good enfourmacion, and therfore is there no amendment to be hoped for in hym. And where as is no shamefastnes, there dare the shamelesse personne vnshamefast ness. Lyeng.do eueryevery thyng that lykethe hym. Where lyeng, b…astyng and lyghtnesse is, there can no certaynete be had, there stondethe all in doubte, Pryde.what so euer is spoken and done. Where pryde is, there is also rashnes, wylfulnes, presumpciō, contempt, disdayne, murmuryng, and obstinate rebelliō: And where as suche be, there is nothing but brawlynge, chydynge, and neuer one g…od houre. Wherfore he that wyll not lacke ye ryght poyntes of marryage, and of a cōmodious lyfe, let hym hauehave respe…te …o the ryches of the mynd, and chose hym suche a parsonne, as is endewed of God wyth such rytches, and not with a noysome or frowarde mynde.The ryche… of the body.
After the rytches of the mynde, do the ritches of the bodye followe ne…te, as is a bewtyfull or well fauoured body, health, a conuenient age &c. A bewtiful body is such one, as is of right fourme and shape, mete and of strength to beare chil dren, and to kepe an house, euen such a personne as thou canste fynde in thyne herte to louelove, and to be content wythe all, &c. Of the bewty of the body (where there is els no good qualite besyde) Beautye.sayth Salomon, Prouer. xxxi. As for fauoure it is deceatfull and transitory, and bewtye is a vayne thynge, but a woman that feareth god, is to be commended. And Prouerb. xi. A fayre woman without discrete maners, is lyke a ryng of golde in a swynes snowte. Therfore are they all starke fooles, that in chosyng them wyues, looke only to theyr bewty, and regard not the rytches of the mynde. Afterwarde doth the same bewty turne them to disquietnes, to payne and trouble.
Health also must be considred in the eleccion, lest thou with all that thou hast, perysh, and lest Healthe.thy whole house be poysoned and hurte. Neuertheles I speake here of sore contagious syckenesses, not of such dayly infirmitees and small diseases, that all menne are subdued vntounto. But I spake of madnesse, frenesy, the fallyng syckenes, lamenes, leprosy, Frenche pockes, or suche lyke, whiche eueryevery manne should greatly abhorre.
Notwythstondyng where maryed folkes, which Marke wellnow are togyther, be visited wyth suche diseases then must suffre the one wyth the other as they that are in one body. As for the due and conueni ent age▪ we spake of it in the syxt Chapter.
To hauehave the goodes of temporall substaunce Rytches of tēporall sub stau…e.is to be borne of noble parentes, or to come of a worshypful stocke, to hauehave rytches, great offices gaynes, or occupienges, and such lyke. The hiest nobilite and moost worthy commēdacion, is to be noble in vertues, in good workes, manners and condicions. Who so dothe come also of noble parentes, is the more to be reputed. But to Nobilite.be a gentle borne, and to vse hymselfe v…gently is euen as muche as to shame hymselfe and his. There hauehave ben found many, whiche came of a lowe byrth, but they garnysshed theyr kynredde so wyth vertues and noble actes, that they and theyr stocke attayned to great prosperite. Ther are many this daye that come of famous houses & noble parentes, but they leane to muche to theyr byrthe, yea they are wylfull mynded, and thynke, that (because of theyr nobilite) they may do what they lyst, and that theyr doinges becom methe them well, and yet are they so noble (that, is, they so excell) in all vyce and abhominacion that they brynge them selues to dishonour, and to cōtempt and hatred of all men.
Let eueryevery man therfore looke ernestly to this matter, lest any manne intendynge to hauehave the golde, and catchyng the whotte cooles, do burne hy…selfe wythout recure. For temporall goodes sake, the matter miscarieth and is in daunger. Temporall goodes.There is sometyme great rytches, but wyth lytle honeste is it gathered togyther. And wythe the same rytches, wyll not be al waye prosperite, peace and rest. Many trust to theyr goodes, and nothyng wyll they learne, therfore also can they do nothyng but lyue deyntely, and wyth pryde, excesse and dishonesty, to wayst it awaye, that hathe bene long gathered togyther. Nowe whan Beware or …ll be spent.there is all waye taken from the heape, and no thyng layd therto, it waysteth away in processe of tyme, howe great so euer it hathe bene. Then foloweth pouerte, yea an intollerable and vnpa…ient pouerte. For they that nowe lasshe oute all togyther, hauehave had no necessite hytherto, but were in all wealth, therfore after suche a Sonne shyne, there commeth euer an intollerable heate, and thense forth begyn they to warme them selues at the bare leaues.
Who so nowe in his eleccion lookethe to the multitude of goodes, and not howe they were wonne, & whence they come, he hath accustomably suche a smoky hat set vponupon his head, that all ☞the water of Ryne can not wash away the soo… therof. Good wythout God & honeste, is a deadly poyson, & the bodely dyuell hymselfe. Goodes and rytches is in y• hand of an vndiscrete & igno raunt man, is as a sharpe knyfe in the hande of a chylde, that doth no good therwyth, but woun deth and destroyethe it selfe. Wherfore let eueryevery mā in the elecciō, hauehave more respecte to discreciō & knowledge, thā to rytches. Moreouer an hand that is occupyed, & wynneth & getteth his lyuing godly and honestly, doth farre excell any rytches Handy craf tes.that are wonne. A rytche man which hath great goodes in hys hand, & yet hath learned nothyng wythall (and nothyng can learne) whan he once loseth hys substaunce and goodes, he can wynne no more, but commeth immediately to the staffe & wallet, As for suche one as hathe applyed hym Wynnyng … occupyenge.selfe to learnyng, he is fytte to some office, he can and is able to occupy and laboure: and thoughe he once or twyse loseth that he hath, yet canne he wynne more agayne.
And though no mā wyth hys eleccion shulde Honest prouisio nought to be regarded.hauehave speciall respecte vntounto temporall substaunce yet ought no man to behaue hymselfe vncircum spectly, nether lyghtly to regarde honest prouisiō For lyke as out of great rytches there followeth pryde, euen so of pouertie there folowethe muche euell. Therfore is it not vnryghte, that thou … thyne eleccion considre how thou mayst honestly wynne thy breade, and wherof thou mayest lyue wyth thy spouse, and what thy spouses substaunce and occupyeng is, & howe the same may be an healpe to thy conuenient lyuynge. If thou nowe wylte not regarde the more excellent and better thynges, but hauehave onelyonly respecte vntounto the goodes, than marryest thou not the parson, but the goodes? Wherof if there be not so muche as thou wouldest fayne hauehave, or if it waste awaye, then farewell all the louelove. For that louelove whiche Whotte louelove is …one colde.commethe thorowe rytches, beauty, or other lyke smale occasions, is euen as a fyre that is made of stra… or tow: it groweth soone and is great, but streyghtewaye it vanysshethe. Euen so is that louelove shortely extincte, which spryngeth not of durable occasions. If a fyre be made of whole stronge wood, it gyuethe a good naturall heate, lykewyse if thou in the eleccion of a spouse, haste respecte vntounto ye true, godly & honest poyntes, thē is the louelove of so muche the longer continuaunce.
And to be shorte, let eueryevery one wyth his eleccion, …he effect of the eleccion.hauehave fyrst respecte vntounto those poyntes, for ye whiche wedlocke was ordeyned of God. Then whether the partie (whom thou arte mynded to chose) be reasonably endewed wythe all, or no. And to the intent that the same may well be per Good lessō … for chosynge … wyfe.ceaued, let eueryevery mā hauehave faythfull respecte here to the rytches of the mynde, whether the parson be godly, wyse, discrete, true, faythfull, honest, so ber, and louyng. Item whether she be whole and sounde, and not laden wyth sore diseases, deformed, sluttysh. fylthy, euell fauoured, & what her estate is, what power and possibilite she is of, how, where, & with whom she hath ben brought vp, whervpon she lyueth, & what she occupyethe. how frutefull, handsome, houswyfely, laborious and quycke she is. If besyde these, thou fyndest other great rytches (bewty and suche gyftes) and comest godly & honestly by them, thou haste the more to thancke God for.
But specially and afore all other thynges, we must faythfully wyth feruentnesse and stedfast belefe (without ceasynge) make intercession and prayer vntounto God, to whome all hartes are open and knowne, that he wyll not suffer vsus to go amysse, but as a father, healpe and guyde vsus to a ryght mariage, in the whiche we maye lyue honestly and prosperously, euē as we ought to his honoure. For it is God onelyonly that prouidethe the mariage, that hath the hartes in hys hande, and that gyuethe the wyll, as it is sayde in the Chapters afore. But lyke as in other poyntes & matters the ordinaūce of God doth not destroye lawfull instrumētes: Euen so here in this cause the institucion of God denyeth not the ordinate election, but in them that feare GOD they go both togyther.
Of this ordinaūce of God and ordinate eleccion, we hauehave a very fayre example, Gene. xxiiii. A nota…le en … of y• electiō and … a…d in y• cause … matr….where Abraham sent his seruaunt in hys messa ge, to get his sonne Isaac a wife in Mesopotamia. The same seruaunt begynneth his matter with prayer, & sayeth: O lord god of my master Abrahā, send me good spede this day, and shewe mercy vntounto my master Abraham. Lo, I stonde here by y• well of water (for he t…yed there with his seruauntes and camels without the cyty by a welles syde, and the daughters of the menne of thys cytie wil come out and drawe water. Now the damsell to whome I saye, stoupe downe thy pitcher and lette me drincke, yf she saye, dryncke, and I wyl geue thy camels dryncke, therby wyll I know, that she is the same, whome thou haste ordeyned for thy seruaunt Isaac.
Beholde, in thys prayer doth Abrahams seruaunt knowlege the ordinaunce of god, and that god onelyonly prouydeth the mariage, and yet neuer theles he falleth to prayer, and vseth that meane. For it foloweth in the story, And it came to …as that yer he hadde left speakynge, Rebecca came forth, & caryed a pitcher vponupon her shulder, & she Rebecca.was a verye fayre damesell & vnblemisshed virgyn, & came downe to the well to drawe water. Then ranne the seruaunt vntounto her, and asked hir drynke, & she sayde: Drincke syr. And wyth that toke she downe her pitcher, and gaue hym drincke. And whan he had droncken, she sayde: I wyll drawe water for thy camelles also, that they maye dryn…e. And so she made haste, and poured water out of her pitcher into the trough and gaue the camels drynke: But the mā maruayled at her, and marked her well, and hyld his tonge et cete. No doute, he hadde respecte to the The proper tyes of a mayde that shulde …e cho sen wyte.ryches of the mynde and of the body, and percea ued that she was gentle, seruiseable, lowly, geuē to laboure, quycke in her busynesse, louynge towarde straūgers, that she was not my …taughte or nycely brought vp, ner a hye mynded or deyn tye veast, but honeste and handsome. How she was condycyoned, coulde he not knowe better, then by such token. She was yet an vntouched virgin, and therfore also wel nourtoured and no nyce thynge.
Whan she commeth to the well she makethe no stoppe: ner bringeth a sorte of yong fellowes with her, nether standeth she gasyng and wondryng vponupon the straunge man, but quyckely and straight goeth she her way, and tendeth her own busynesse. But assone as the olde honeste man (Abrahams seruaunt) speke vntounto her, she sheweeth herselfe very curtuous and gentle. Full reuerently calleth she hym, syr master or lord and serueth him quickely, asketh no questions at him and makethe no moo wordes. These are righte vertues, highely to be commended in a virgin. Morouer this damsell is praysed for her bewtye and fayrenesse of hir body, whiche was euen asmuch the more excellent, as she exceaded in ver tuous condicions.
Thou wilt saye, yee but where are the other gyftes of god and ryches of the mynd, as the fea re of GOD, true beleife, et cete? I answere.
The sayde vertues were not in her wythoute the fear of God and fayth. Abraham also had ta ken an ooth afore, of the same his seruaunte, after this maner. Thou shalt sweare by the lord of heauen & earth, that vntounto my sonne thou shalt take no wyfe of the doughters of the Cananites among whom I dwel, but shalte go to my coun tre and kynrid, and thence bring him a wyfe.
The Cananites were corrupte and loste in The goodes of the mynd are more to be regarded thā the go… des of y• body or of the worlde.theyr faythe and manners gyuen to Idolatrye and abhomynacyon, yet were they mighty and rytche. But they in Mesopotamia (whēce Abra ham was) feared God and were vertuous, not withstandyng they were not of lyke power and ritches. Neuertheles Abraham folowed after the feare of God, & therin leauethe he vsus an ensample, that we all shulde be the gladder to hauehave God, then Mammō. And thus haste thou also, that in this mariage, there was great experien ceof fayth.
Whan the seruasit now had with sylēce consydred the excellent giftes in the damesell he asketh her furthermore: whose doughter art thou? She aunswereth. I am the doughter of Bathuel and Nahor is graundfather. Then Abrahams seruaunt toke out a ryng of gold & other Iewels Gyftes in y• waye of ma riage are …oth laufull and cōmendable. A prouer…and gaue her them. For no vncomlye thynge is it to geue honeste presentes to honeste damesels in the waye of honeste, and so to moue theyr myndes vntounto the honour and louelove of mariage. Els (or in other wise, & of suspecious personnes, ought honest damsels to take none. For it is no vntrueprouerbe: She that taketh the pedlers ware, must be fayne to hauehave the pedler himselfe also at the last. &c.
Moreouer, the seruaunt thought he wolde pro ue, how frendly, mercifull, harbarous, & faithful the damesell was, and sayd: HaueHave ye rowme in thy fathers house to lodge in? And she sayd vntounto hym: We hauehave plenty of lytter and prouender, & rowme ynoughe to lodge in, yet because she wold not take much vponupon her, she ranne in, and tolde her brother Laban the matter.
Who immediatelye made readye the stable, goeth forth to the well & bringeth the seruaunte into the house, and setteth meat before him But the seruaunt sayde: I will not eate, tyll I hauehave first done my earand. And so beganne, and tolde how that hys master Abraham had one onelye A fourme of the …rande in mariage.sonne: how riche he was, and how he had sente him to Mesopotamia to get hys sonne a wyfe.
Then tolde he howe he made hys prayer vntounto god, & came to the well, and how theyr doughter Rebecca came to the well also, how she behaued her selfe and what she dyd, by the vohych he vnderstode, that god had prouyd…d theyr doughter for his masters sonne: So that now his request was, that they wold geue hym a fynall aunswere, whether they could be cont…t to mary theyr daughter to his masters sonne, or no. Where vponupon the damsells father and brother aunswered. Thys commeth euen of the Lorde, therfore wyll we not saye agaynst it▪ &c.
And thus out of the story we learne, that whā we hauehave made oure faythfull prayer vntounto God, appoynted oure election ordynatelye, and vsed the other meanes, we must do oure errand vntounto the parentes or tutours of the partye, and how and after what maner we ought to do it. The damesel also is enquyred what her wyll is, she consenteth, and ther wyth is the mariage conclu ded. Thus much I hauehave spokē cōcerning the chosynge of conuenient and mete spouse, and of the earand appertaynyng to the same.
Yet in thys thynge also must I warne euerye Trueth in cōtrac…ynge of mariage.reasonable and honeste persone, to beware, that in contractyng of maryage, they dyssemble not, ner set forth any lye, but rather vse trueth, & tell how eueryevery thyng standeth. For they that lye and dyssemble, do afterward cause much displeasure amonge them that are disceaued. Let eueryevery one remembre, how loth he wolde be to be disceaued hymselfe, and that it is comenly sayde: In mariage ought no man to be begyled.
EueryEvery man lykewyse must esteme the parson to whom he is handfasted, none otherwyse, then Marke this well.for his owne spouse, though as yet it be not done in the church ner in the streate. For thus is it wrytten. Deut. xxii. yf a mayde be handfasted to an husband, and then a man fynde her, and lye wyth her, they shall both he caried out of the cytye, and stoned vntounto death.