Prayers Upon Solemn Occasions, Prayer 21
The Authors private Prayer.
O My good and mercifull LORD GOD, most holy and deare Father in JESVS CHRIST, I the vilest of all thy creatures and the worst that ever thou madest, by reason of mine owne horrible sins, doe here come unto thee upon the bended knees of my bleeding soule to intreate thee and beg at thy hands with all the instancy and fervency my poore, dull, cold heart can possibly for pardon, grace and mercy, for favour, compassion and abundant forgivenesse. O LORD my GOD, thou knowest me full well, and thorowly, even to the bottome of my heart and beginning of my being: for besides that I came into this world loaden with an heavie burden and confused Babell of crookednesse and corruption, in every part both of soule and body: thou knowest what a cursed confluence of all manner of pollutions, filthinesse, uncleanenesse, strange abomination, abominable lusts, and every villanous corruption that is wont to spring out of our impoysoned nature, made my poore soule a very sinke and Sodom before I was converted.
Reckon up here unto GOD particulars, out of abundance of feeling, with a plentifull and sincere confession, and then goe on.
Thus O LORD thou knowest, when thou very mercifully at the first didst call and knocke at my heart by the Ministery of thy Word, with what stubbornenesse, reluctancy and delaies I withstood the worke of thy blessed Spirit for the salvation of my owne poore soule. How loath I was to open the eyes of my understanding to let in the heavenly light of that holy truth, which onelyonly could make mee gracious here and glorious in thy Kingdome hereafter. And when thou hadst something conquered the hardnesse of my heart, so that in some measure I saw the hatefullnesse of my sin, and felt the horror of thy wrath for them. O LORD thou knowest I did not so grieve, sorrow and take on, as so great and grievous a sinner ought to have done, I did not mourne for them as the mourning of Hadadrimmon in the valley of Megiddo, I was not sorry for them as one is sorry for his first borne. I was not throwne downe into the dust, and into the place of Dragons, and into that depth of humiliation which the villany and variety of my many most horrible transgressions, farre as much as the sins of the vilest wretch that ever lived upon earth, required at my hands. Nay, and when after the sence and acknowledgement of my vile and damnable estate, I saw the blood and merits of my blessed Redeemer to be the onelyonly meanes to save me from out of hell, I did not feele in my selfe that hunger and thirst, that panting and longing, those groanes, supplications and strong cries for that soveraigne and saving Plaister to heale my wounded soule, as mine owne misery and the excellency of my CHRIST should have moov'd me unto. And when at length it pleased thee upon thy owne free mercy to offer unto my sorrowfull and sinnefull soule thy deare Son, and all his pretious sufferings, my unbeleeving and naughty heart did not embrace, and lay hold upon him with that fastnesse and faithfullnes as the certainty of thy promises, the truth and sweetnesse of thy mercy most plentifully revealed in thy Word doe straitly enjoyne mee. Thus LORD even every step of my passage out of nature into Grace, out of corruption into Christianity, and the snares of the divell into the kingdome of Christ, was, as thou knowest, fearefully hindred with the hardnesse of my own corrupt heart, and fowly polluted with the lusts and rebellions of my sinfull nature.
Nay, and that which grieves me the most, and should justly make my heart even to bleede within me, since I gave my name unto religion, came into the communion of Saints, and entred the waies of new obedience, I have beene dragd back by the cruell pollicie of Satan, and the accustomed yeeldingnesse of my sensuall dispositions into some vile and hatefull abominations of the daies of my vanity, and time of unregeneration: and also overtaken with some new knowne scandalous sins, to the grieving of thy good Spirit, the grievous wounding of my conscience, and the disgracing of my profession. I have beene very slack and slow, and faint-hearted in promoting thy glory, furthering good causes and performing holy duties. I have beene very dull and cold, cowardly and formall in all the waies of godlines, and my Christian warfare, in respect of many Christians, who have not neere beene so great sinners before they were converted, or receiv'd the thousand part of those favours from thee, as I have done. I have beene too heavie, heartlesse and uncomfortable in my profession, conferences, godly exercises and practises of grace; I have not so rejoyced, as I ought, in all the good things which thou hast done for me, I have not walked so cheerefully towards a crowne of life, as formerly towards the damnation of hell. Nay, LORD, and even in those things, wherein I should have the greatest comfort, when I examine my naughty and deceitfull heart, I finde nothing but confusion of face. Even my prayers, hearing and reading the Word, receiving the Sacrament, meditations, conferences, &c. are so mingled with temptations, worldly thoughts, by-respects, deadnesse and drowsinesse of spirit, so mard with privie pride, and secret hypocrisie, that I cannot remember them without griefe of heart; neither dare I thinke upon them without prayer for the pardon of their imperfections. I finde great matter of humiliation in the best of them, and I know thou mightest there also finde much matter of damnation, if thou shouldest deale with me as I have deserved. O LORD my GOD, this is my state, nay and indeed a thousand times worse and more wofull yet then I or the tongue of an Angell can make it. And I have nothing in the world to say for my selfe, I have none to goe unto either in Heaven or in Earth, but onelyonly to intreate my blessed Redeemer to speake unto thee in my behalfe, to make intercession for me with his glorious merits and pretious blood-shed: and to flee unto those melting bowells of thy Fatherly compassions and tenderheartednesse, with which thou art wont to meete and fall upon the neck of every humbled, sorrowfull and broken-hearted sinner. I do therefore beseech thee, mercifull LORD, upon the bowed knees of my sin-grieved heart to pardon and put away all my many horrible, hainous and abominable sins in the pretious blood of thine own deare Son. It is onelyonly the pretious blood of that spotlesse Lambe which hath power and force to turne the deepest staine of scarlet and crimson sins into the whitenesse of snow & wooll. And there was never poore, sinfull wretch had more need of the multitude of thy mercies, and abundance of that saving blood to doe away the multitude of my sins, and to wash & purge and rinze my filthy and polluted soule. I pray thee therfore for Christ Jesus his sake, for thy holy names sake, for thine infinite mercies sake, and for thine own Covenants sake, to make good unto me the true sweetnesse, & utmost comfort of all those gracious promises of life, which ere flowed from thy free mercy, through the Passion of thy Son upon any poore soule, who sought thee with truth of heart, & truly lov'd the glory of thy name. I strangely deceive mine owne heart if I doe not hunger and thirst for thy favour and pleased countenance more then for all the treasures of the earth, & the glory of the whole world Make mine heart I pray thee, as thou wouldst have it, and then be a Sun & shield unto it, and crowne it with al the comforts of Heaven, as thou hast promised: then seale unto it for ever the sure mercies of David, & the salvations of the life to come. And I beseech thee also, to be so loving and mercifull to my longing spirit, so tenderhearted and kinde to my trembling heart, that I may feele in my conscience the sprinkling of the blood of thy Son, for the appeasing of it, & that my poore soule may sensibly know what great things thou hast done for it, and that thou art reconciled unto it for ever in Christ Jesus. Above all things fill my heart with the joyfull feeling of thy mercies in the pardon of my sins▪ that so my quieted soule may sweetly sleepe, and solace it selfe everlastingly in that peace which passeth all understanding, and in the bosome of thy compassions. And for the time to come, I pray thee, to help me more and more to renew & increase my repē tance, to better & inlarge my obedience: and put to thine owne holy hand to strengthen every grace thou hast given me. O Lord my God, I could never yet get neere that hand & hatred over my sins, as I have infinitely desired. I beseech thee now at length let mee feele thy speciall comfortable power mightily assisting me in this holy businesse. The sins of my youth have beene most hatefull, execrable and abominable, both to God and man, nay and I have been guilty of many horrible villanies, which have beene only knowne to thy All-seeing eye and mine owne corrupt conscience. I pray thee blessed Lord, for thy Christ his sake, to worke in my heart godly sorrow, true loathing, sound repentance and humiliation for them all, in some good measure answerable and proportionable to their heighnousnesse and excesse. Oh grant mee that happinesse, that I may look back upon all those fowle pollutions, and sinfull vanities of my unregenerate time without either sensuall delight, or slavish horror; even with a sincere hatred and heavie mourning. Let me see them without any despairefull feare, being assured they are done away with the blood of thy Son, as though they had never been: & without any secret delight, lest I renew and multiply their guilt & grievousnes upon my poore soule, which they have too fearefully wounded already. And Lord I pray thee also, put quickning life, power and feeling into my heart and affections in the performance of every holy duty, which is the very heart and soule of a pleasing sacrifice and service unto thee. Increase in me an holy feare, reverence & respect to all thy Commandements. Cause and continue in me a sincere, universall, and constant obedience unto them all, & that not from any slavish feare, private end or by-respect, but for conscience sake, a soule-like feare of thee and love of thy glory. And if at any time, as it is ordinary with Gods children, it shall please thee to exercise me with any crosse, disgrace, slander, discoū tenance, losse of goods, disease of body, terror of soule, or the like, I pray thee ever sweeten & sanctifie them unto mee by thy blessing: & grant that I may ever obediently with all peace of heart, & patience of spirit submit to thy will & wisedome therein; being fully assured that to me, which am in Christ, the sting, curse and poyson of them is most certainely pulled out by the Passion of thy Son. And resting ever upon thy sweet & pretious promises, that thou having given me Christ Jesus, will never deny me any truly needfull and and comfortable thing, while the world stands. And that all things, even the rage of Satan, the malice of men, the miseries of this life, nay even the sins of my soule, in an holy sence, by thy blessings shall turne unto my everlasting good.
Add I pray thee, daily more and more strength and life, and new degrees unto all these graces, which it hath pleased thee in some measure to plant in my soule of thy owne free mercy, and for the mediation of▪ thy Son. Increase my knowledge in the great mystery of grace, my reliance and trust in thee, as one most powerfull, mercifull and true; my hope and patient expectation of thy presence, and assistance in all things that are to come; my love of thee, thy Word, thy children and all things that belong unto thee; my zeale & courage for thy glory and truth & good causes and good men; feare of thy great name; humblenesse and lowlinesse of minde. The Spirit and power of Prayer; Patience and contentednesse in all troubles and trials, &c. or what other holy virtue thou hast in great mercy vouchsafed unto me. Grant I pray thee and give me grace to imploy and improove them all to the utmost & for the best advantage in procuring thee glory, good unto thy Church and comfort unto mine owne soule.
Blesse I pray thee and be mercifull to all creatures, and to the whole world. Draw, if it be thy blessed pleasure Turks, Infidels, Jewes, to the light and acknowledgement of thy saving truth, and the salvation of their soules. Blesse our King specially and principally, and all his Dominions. Roote out of them wee pray thee, all ignorance, profanesse, popery, pride, oppressions and all the workes of the divell. Purge we humbly and earnestly beseech thee this Church and Kingdome wherein wee live, and that mightily and speedily from all disorders, sedition, faction & corruptions, which any way dishonour thy Majesty, vex thy children or hinder a free and glorious passage of the Gospell of thy Sonne. Blesse the people committed to my charge, my owne Family, my friends, my goods, house, cattell and all things that any waies belong unto mee. Remember I beseech thee with speciall love and tender-heartednesse all thy deare children whersoever they be, especially those who desire my prayers for them, and have made the troubles of their soules knowne unto me. I pray thee for thy Christ his sake, let them fare the better for the poore prayers of thy weake and unworthy servant.
Gratious Lord, I praise and magnifie from the ground and bottome of my heart, thy glorious name, and the sweetnesse of thy mercy for that golden chaine of comfortable providence, which thy mercifull hand hath linkt together for my good ever since I was borne. Thou gavest mee a most loving and kinde Father, a very skillfull and learned Schoole-master, worthy and ingenuous education, &c. Thou preservedst me mightily and almost miraculously from mayming or suddaine death. Thou followedst mee bountifully with thy favours at the University; and didst infinitely above all hope and expectation, raise up variety of meanes from time to time for my maintenance there, &c. Thou broughtst me at length fairely, easily and uncorruptly into this place and pastorall charge I now injoy. Thou hast given me out of thine own free, immediate mercy a deare and loving Wife, incomparably the fittest for me that could have beene found upon the face of the whole earth. But above all, the comforts which thou hast brought unto my poore soule by my Booke have beene most unspeakeable and glorious. Blessed for ever be thy glorious name therefore, &c. In a word, I am verily perswaded there was never wretch upon earth, that receiv'd so many mercies, favours and comforts from thee, and return'd so little thankefullnesse, service and obedience unto thee. O Lord my God, forgive I pray thee the infinite disproportion of thine immeasurable bountifullnesse to me, and my most weake imperfect and sinfull obedience & service unto thee. O forgive it, forgive it for Christ Jesus his sake, &c.
FINIS.
End of the text · Robert Bolton, Prayers Upon Solemn Occasions (1638)