Sin Stigmatized, Part 1 · Section 64 – Section 66
§ 64.
SEcondly, 2. To drive away time.they drinke that they may drive a way time; for every houre, ſeemes a day, and every day a monethmonth, to an idle perſon, which is not ſpent in a Tap-houſe; whereby with that Strumpet in the Proverbs, Chap. 7. Verſ. 11. their feet can never abide in their owne howſes, for you ſhall ſeldome finde a drunkard at home, when you need him; but lay your plot to ſeeke him in a Taverne (as whether next, but to all the Tavernes in the Town) or perhaps at a Play houſe; (for a Play-houſe, or ſo, onelyonly keeps him ſober, and makes him an afternoone's man) and it ſtands upon a good foundation.
Yea, they ſeeme to have nailed their eares to the doores of a Taverne, and to have agreed with Sathan, Maſter it is good being here, let us build, &c. for be they never ſo long in a Taverne, they thinke not the time long; yea, they curſe the Clock for haſt, and are angry that they cannot with Ioſhua, make the Sunne ſtand ſtill, or keepe the Moone from going downe; not till they confound the Amorites, but till theſe Amorites work each others confuſion: they wiſh that the day might bee corrupted, and that the night would take bribes, if it proves any way an impediment unto them; elſe there they live, nay, there they dye daily, as Chryſostome ſpeakes.
As come to a mans houſe, and where is he? his wife knowes not; aske the ſervants, they know not; when will he bee at home? they cannot tell you; yes, they can, but they bluſh to ſpeake; forſooth the matter is this, there is his houſe, but his dwelling is at the Ale-houſe, except all his money bee ſpent; and then if his wife will fetch him home with a Lanthorne, and his men with a Barrowe, hee comes with as much ſenſe as Michol's image had; elſe Sunne and Moone goe over his head, till hee hath flept himſelfe ſober, and watcht himſelfe drunke. For as if looſing their times were nothing, while they are in a drinking-ſchoole, they are bound by their Law of good fellowſhip (and would be ſo, were there no ſuch Law) to bee powring in at their mouths, or whiffing out at their noſes, one ſerving as a ſhooing horne to the other; for Tobacco being hot and dry, muſt have a qualifier of cold and moiſt from the pot; and that again being cold and moiſt, muſt have a qualifier of hot and dry from the Pipe; which makes them like ratsband Rats, drinke and vent, vent and drink, Sellengers-round, and the ſame againe.
To which purpoſe every one hath his purveyance at either elbow, a Jurden for his Urine, on the one ſide; and a Bowle for his vomit, on the other; that when with their exceſſive beſzeling they have filled their skins, and are full gorged, they may empty themſelves at pleaſure; which they can doe, by only putting their finger to their throate; though ſome, without ever forcing themſelves, will vomit, as if they were ſo many live Whales, ſpewing up the Ocean, which done they can drink againe afreſh.
Yet to whet on their appetites the better, and becauſe it is heynous to all ſuperviſors of the Panchery, either not to goe out full bellied, or not to come in full handed; up comes a ſervice of ſhooing-horns of all ſorts; as Raſhers on the coles, Red Herrings, a Gammon of Bacon, Caveary, Anchoviſe, and abundance of ſuch pullers on; and then begins the full pots to go round about the Table, and the empty againſt the walles.
Neither is it poſſible the appetite of theſe Leeches ſhould ever bee ſatisfied, ſeeing they have a hundred devices, naturall, artificial wickedneſſe, to make themſelves ſtill inſatiable: to this end alſo they uſe Tobacco, that by drunkenneſſe they may both expell drunkenneſſe, and being glutted with wine, they drinke ſmoke, that by this variety, it may not grow teadious
Thus they ſpend their money, miſpend their time, ſpend good houres in ill actions, and great bleſſings to bad purpoſes; wherby they are foure dayes in the week drunke, and the other three not ſober; never conſidering that the divell is a fiſher; ſinne, his hooke; pleaſure, his baite; fooles, his fiſh; nor weighing the danger they are in, making a recreation of miſery, ſporting themſelves in their ſinnes round about the pits brinke without feare, when as they are every howre ready to topple into hell, that bottomleſſe gulfe of eaſeles and everlaſting flames.
They deſire moſt to paſſe away time, then which nothing (though few conſider it) is more precious; yea, ſaith Seneca, there is nothing ſwifter, nothing ſweeter then time. But did they know what treaſure time offers to their poore ſoules, they would looke with a jealous eye upon the houre-glaſſe, and ſigh at the dropping of every Sand. And ſurely they that ſeeke to mend the pace of time, ſpurre a free and faſt enough running Horſe; which they had more need to redeeme with double care, and labour, then ſeeke how to hurle it away, yea, hyre the divell and others to helpe them.
For my part, I had rather the company would paſſe away, then the time; except it bee ſuch company, as may helpe me to redeeme the time. And while I live here, I will ſtudy ſo to uſe time, as that I may come to live, where time ſhall be no more: and doubtleſſe, thoſe that dare looſe a day, are dangerouſly prodigall; thoſe that dare miſpend it, deſperate.
§ 65.
OTher reaſons and cauſes there bee of it, 3. Cauſe is lust.though indeed there is no reaſon in it, as firſt, pride is one ſpeciall cauſe, covetouſneſſe, another; cowardlineſse, a third; evill company, a fourth; &c. for they will by no meanes grant that they drinke for the love of drink, any more then the huntſ man purſues the Hare, in cold, in heate, over mountaines, and dales, for love of her fleſh; no, will theſe ſwilbowles ſay, yea, ſweare, that is the baſeſt thing in the world, they are Epicures indeed that will doe ſo, though they love it, as they ſhould doe God, above all, above health, wealth, cred it, child, wife, life, heaven, ſalvation, all; calling for that, as the Pope once for his diſh, even in deſpite of heaven; for is not their gullet their god? do they not ſacrifice more to their god Belly, then thoſe Babylonians did to their god Bell.
Alaſſe! they no more care for Wine, That they drinke not for love of drink is either falſe, or makes their ſinne doublethen Eſau did for his pottage, for which hee ſold his birth-right; no more then Vgaccio of Luca did for good cheare, who ventured his Dukedome rather then hee would looſe a good ſupper; then Lyſimachus did, who made away a whole Kingdome for drinke; then VVenceſlaus, who after the ſame manner conſumed his Empire; then Philoxenus and Melanthius did, who, that the drink might yeeld them the more pleaſure in going down to their ſtomacks, wiſh, the one a Swans throat, the other a Cranes neck; then Tiberius, who, becauſe hee loved wine above meaſure, was in deriſion called Biberius. For let them ſay, or ſweare what they will, I will believe the Prophet Iſaiah, who brings in the drunkard ſaying thus, Come, wee will bring wine, and we will fill our ſelves with ſtrong drinke, and to morrow ſhall be as this day, and much more abundant, Iſa. 56.12. and Hanna, who calls drunkards the ſons of Belial, 1 Sam. 1.16. that is, all belly, and for the belly.
Yea, let ſome good fellow or other tell me, whether it would not make his teeth water, and his guts grumble; yea, whether in envie hee would not feed upon his owne heart, to ſee his companions drinke their healths round, while he ſate by, only to ſee and heare them? and if ſo, confeſſe that you drink, not to pleaſe others, but your ſelves, as Canus played upon his Harpe; not for your friend's ſake, but for the drink's ſake; that you drink, not out of need, but luſt; not for health, but for delight.
But we will accept of their owne confeſſion, take them at their word, and ſee whether they mend not the matter as the Divell mended his damms legg, who inſtead of putting it into joynt, brake it quite in peeces: for I am much miſtaken, if they doe not double their ſhame by ſo excuſing their fault; for what more aggravates any ſinne, then this, that men commit it (as I have ſhewed men uſually ſweare) only becauſe it is ſinne, and God forbid's it, having neither profit, nor pleaſure, nor credit, nor nothing elſe to induce them to it? Surely the leſſe provocation, the greater the offence; yea, greater the malice of the offender, and greater his diſhonour that is offended: this is not only for a rich man to bee a thiefe and a lier; an old man, to be a fornicator; both which are abomination to the Lord; but it is all one, as if a chaſt man ſhould force himſelf to commit a rape upon one whom hee cares not for, onelyonly to ſpite her Huſband, or Parent; which ſinne ſeemes to out-weigh any ranſome.
§ 66.
AGaine, whereas I charge them with covetouſneſſe, 4 Cauſe covetouſneſſe.and tell them this is another cauſe, they will thinke I am madd. What, they covetous? who ſo generous, free, bountifull? yea, they hate a covetous hoggrubber with a perfect hatred; and yet none more covetous, for drunkards are not more ryotous in ſpending, then in gathering they are covetous: and what is it, any one of theſe melting prodigals will not practiſe, rather then let his port decline? yea, what lewdneſſe, or baſeneſſe will hee not put in practiſe, rather then want to ſatisfie his luſts?
Yea, aske them why they drinke, and keepe company ſo much? their moſt uſuall anſwer is, alaſſe! I ſhould have no worke, I ſhould neither get, nor keep my cuſtomers, I ſhould never elſe buy a good bargaine, &c. for it is admirable to think, and incredible to believe, how the divell blindes them in this particular, but I paſſe it, for an Angel from heaven ſhal not perſwade them to the contrary, but that it is very profitable for them; though a ſtander by may plainly ſee, that they ſpend more in time, then in money; and more in money ofttimes then they get by their drunken cuſtomer; as it is uſuall with many Dutchmen, to ſpend the beſt part of three whole dayes and nights in the Taverne, to drive a bargain; neither wil they make any bargaine, untill they have ſharpened their wits with the eſſence of good liquor; and then are they (as they thinke) crafty and politicke, that they will deceive any man that ſhall deale with them. I have heard one of them boaſt, he had gotten a thouſand pounds this way; and his reaſon was, when he dranke moſt, he could bargaine beſt.
But when both the Buyer and Seller goe away with this conceit, that each have over-reach't the other, the Devill muſt needs delude one of them, and I am ſure the Vintner will be paid for his wine. But, alaſſe! the Devill hath ſo beſotted them, that they will beleeve him, even contrary to their owne knowledge: as it fares with Witches, who although they know the Devill to be the Father of lyes, yet will truſt him. But for my part, I ſhall as ſoone beleeve that Adam ſpake Dutch in Paradiſe (according to Goropius Becanus his idle fancy) as beleeve thee the richer for thy drinking.