Sin Stigmatized, Part 1 · Section 42 – Section 43
§ 42.
HAve we yet done? no, An unpardonable crime, not to drinke as they doeI would we had, I would we were well rid of theſe filthes; but let us proceed in ſpeaking, as they doe in drinking.
By that time theſe gutmongers have gulped downe ſo many quarts, as either of their names hath letters in it, they have drawne in ſome freſh man; who, perhaps after the third health, refuſeth to drinke any more, being of Diogenes his humor, who being urg'd at a banquet to drinke more then he was willing, emptied his glaſſe upon the ground, ſaying, if I drinke it, I not onelyonly ſpill it, but it ſpills me; ſo this mans unacuſtomed rudeneſſe, and monſtrous inhumanity, begins a quarrell.
For it is an unexcuſable ſault, or, as I may ſay, an unpardonable crime to refuſe an health, or not to drinke equall with the reſt, or to depart while they are able to ſpeake ſenſe, and this they can almoſt prove, for was not Pentheus, ſon to Echion and Agave, by his owne Mother and Siſter torne in peeces, for contemning of Bacchus his feaſts? hereupon many have loſt their lives, becauſe they would not drinke; but happily by Gods bleſſing, and the parties patience in bearing their fowle language, he hath delivered himſelfe of their company, at which they are ſo vexed, that they gnaw their owne tongues for ſpight, and call him the baſeſt names they can thinke of.
Now begin they a freſh to ſpice their cups, one while with oathes, other whiles with words of Scripture, which ſounds moſt ill favouredly in a Drunkards mouth, as Salomon intimates, Pro. 26.9. now raile they againſt Puritans; for ſo are all abſtemious men in the Epicures words, or a beaſts language, who hold ſobriety, no other thing then humor and ſingularity, Religion and good fellowſhip to be termes convertible.
Well, The utmoſt of a Drunkards honesty is good fellowſhip.at length they diſpute the caſe about his departure, ſtoutly affirming that he can be no honeſt man, who refuſeth to pledge them; and to this they all agree, for the utmoſt of a Drunkards honeſty is good fellowſhip, and he is of moſt reputation with them, that is able to drinke most, He of moſt reputation that can drinke moſt.being of the Tartarians Religion, together with the inhabitants of Cumana and Guiana, who account him the greateſt and braveſt man, and moſt compleate and wel accompliſhed gallant, who is able to carrouſe and ſwill downe moſt; yea, if they can but meete with a man that (like Diotimus ſurnamed Funnell) can gulpe downe wine through the channell of his throate, conveyed by a tunnell, without interſpiration betweene gulpes, as the Crocodile eates without moving of his nether jaw, they thinke him not alone worthy to be carried to Gurmonds Hall, and there made free of the wide throats, or large weezands company; but thinke he deſerves ſome great preferment, according to thoſe ancient preſidents read of in hiſtory. Where it is recorded, that in the feaſts of Bacchus, a crowne of gold was appointed for him that could drinke more then the reſt. That Alexander the great, not onelyonly provided, but gave a Crowne worth a Talent for reward to Promachus, when he had ſwallowed downe foure ſteines or gallons of wine; which none of the company could equall him in, though one and forty of them dranke themſelves dead alſo, to ſhew their willingneſſe. That Tiberius the Emperor preferred many to honours in his time, becauſe they were famous whoremaſters, and ſturdy drinkers. That Tiberius Caeſar was preferred to a Pretorſhip, becauſe of his excellency in drinking. That amongſt the drink-alians in tenterbelly, he that can drinke a certaine veſſell of about a gallon thrice off, and goe away without indenting, for this his good ſervice is preſently carried through the City in triumph, to that goodly Temple dedicated to god All-paunch, and there Knighted.
Yea, if they might have their wills, none ſhould refuſe to be drunke unpuniſhed, or be drunke unrewarded at the common charge (that I exceede not my Laſt) each man that will not pledge their healthes, can beare me witneſſe, though I neede no better evidence then their owne lips; for how oft ſhall you heare them commend thoſe actions, which deſerve much blame; and condemne others which merit great praiſe? how oft doth one commend or condemne me for one thing, and another for the contrary?
Yea, the famous Alderguts, or gulpe-thirſts of our time, not onelyonly thinke exceſſive drinking worthy of all honour during life, (and ſo ratifie thoſe ancient preſidents) but they looke their aſſociates ſhould not ceaſe to honour them being dead, by mentioning their rare exployts herein, like Darius, who cauſed it to be engraven upon his tombe for an honour, I could drinke great ſtore of wine, and beare it well.
But O you ſottiſh ſenſualiſts! how hath the Devill bewtiched you to magnifie, honour, and applaud all that are enthralled to this worſe then ſwiniſh ſwilling? and on the other ſide, to vilifie, reproach, and undervalue all that hate, and loath it in their judgments, or elſe renounce it in their practice? is it poſſible that the reaſonable ſoule of man (not profeſſedly barbarous) ſhould be capable of ſuch a monſter? certainely, if I did not know the truth and probate of it, by ocular and experimentall demonſtrations from day to day, I could hardly bring my underſtanding to believe, that men, that Chriſtians ſhould be of ſo reprobate a judgement, as to affect, admire, adore, &c. ſo foule, ſo baſe, ſo beaſtly, ſo unamiable, ſo unfruitfull, unprofitable, unpleaſant, unnaturall a vice as this is in moſt mens judgements and experience. Nay, I cannot believe what I both ſee and heare in this caſe; for it is not poſſible for the moſt corrupted heart to thinke that any ſhould be honoured for villany, and for honeſty be contemned; but rather, that every Drunkard, in his more ſerious cogitations, thinkes of his fellow, dying in this ſinne, a fit ſaint to be canonized for the Devill: for not ſeldome are wicked mens judgments forced to yeeld unto that truth, againſt which their affections maintaine a rebellion.
And ſo we ſee, that what Seneca ſaid long ſince, when wine was ſold in Apothecaries ſhops, and dranke rather in time of ſickneſſe, then in health; namely, that the time would come, when honour ſhould be aſcribed unto drunkenneſſe, and that to drinke much wine ſhould be reputed a vertue, is fulfilled in our age; that very time is come,
Non habet ulterius quod noſtris potibus addat
Poſtcritas,—
They drinke not for ſtrength, but luſt and pride, to ſhew how full of Sathan they be, and how neere to ſwine, O wofull glory!
§ 43
MEn were not ſo temperate in former times (as we read of Cyrus, He a rare man now, that forbeares to drinke untill he be thirsty.and many others, that did never eate but of hunger, nor drinke but for thirſt, and then but a little) but they more abound in exceſſe at this preſent; for he is a rare Drunkard (yea, a rare man) in theſe dayes, that forbeares to drinke untill hee be thirſty; for, as if they ſcorned ſuch an occaſion, they drink before they are dry they drink, untill they become dry; ſo that thirſt overtakes drunkenneſſe, as fooles runne into the river to avoyd a ſhower of raine. All drunkards, all you, who know no other calling but to viſite Tavernes, They devoure whole deluges of ſtrong drinke.know that I ſpeake true, that you drinke one liquour, to draw on another; not to quench but to increaſe thirſt; not to qualifie, but to inkindle heat: in which their ſwiniſh ſwilling, they reſemble ſo many Froggs in a puddle, or water-Snakes in a pond, for their whole exerciſe, yea religion is to drink, they even drowne themſelves on the dry land.
O what deluges of wine and ſtrong drinke doth one true drunkard devoure, (and cauſe to bee devoured) who never drinkes but double, They devoure whole deluges of strong drink…for he muſt be pledged, yea, if there be ten in company, every one muſt drink as much as he, and he will drinke untill his eyes ſtare like two blazing ſtarres; and Drawers, or Tapſters thoſe Sergeants of the maw, will ſee that the pots ſhall neither be full nor empty. They drinke more ſpirits in a night, then their fleſh and brains be worth; for, if it be poſſible, they will choake, rather then confeſſe Beere good drinke.
But in the meane time, how many thouſands which are hard driven with poverty, or by the exigents of warre, might be relieved with that theſe men ſpend like beaſts, whiles that is throwne out of one ſwines noſe, and mouth, and guts, which would refreſh a whole family? O wofull calamity of mankind, ſaith S. Auguſtine, how many may we find, that doe urge and compell thoſe that be already ſatisfied, to drinke more then becometh them; and yet will deny even a cup of ſmall drinke to the poore, that beg it for Gods ſake, and for Chriſts ſake! they pinch the hungry, to pamper the full; withhold drinke from the thirſty, to make others drunke with too great abundance.