Sin Stigmatized, Part 1 · Section 35 – Section 38
§ 35
INdeed a courſe might be taken by the State to make them leave it, Three wayes to make them leave their ſwearing.though nothing ſhall ever be able to make them feare an oath, ſhould they ſee never ſo many ſtroke dead while they are jeſting with theſe edged tooles, as diverſe have beene, I will onelyonly inſtance three examples.
A Serving man in Lincolneſhire for every trifle uſed to ſweare, Gods pretious blood, and would not be warned by his friends to leave it; at laſt he was viſited with a grievous ſickneſſe, in which time he could not be perſwaded to repent of it, but hearing the bell towle, in the very anguiſh of death he ſtarted up in his bed, and ſwore by the former oath, that bell towled for him; whereupon immediatly the blood, in abundance from all the joynts of his body, as it were in ſtreames, did iſſue out moſt fearefully, from mouth, noſthrils, knees, heeles, and toes, withall other joynts, not one left free, and ſo died.
Earle Godwine wiſhing at the Kings table, that the bread hee eate might choake him, if he were guilty of Alphred's death, whom he had before ſlaine; was preſently choaked, and fell downe dead.
It was uſuall with Iohn Peter, mentioned in the booke of Martyrs, to ſay, it be not true, I pray God I may rot ere I dye, and God ſaying Amen to it, he rotted away indeede.
For what's the uſe they would make of Gods judgments in the like caſes? Even the ſame that the Philiſtins of Aſhdod made of their fellowes deſtruction, when God ſo fearefully plagued them, for keeping and prophaning of his Arke, which was this: peradventure it is Gods hand that ſmot them (for ſo they reaſoned, and ſo theſe would halfe believe) yet it may be, it is but a chance that hath happened unto them, 1 Sam. 6.9. when yet they ſaw, that all which were guilty ſuffered in the judgement, and onelyonly they: ſo theſe would but halfe believe, if they ſhould ſee the like judgements executed upon their fellowes.
The onelyonly way to make them leave their ſwearing is; let them have it upon their carkaſes, and then though the belly hath no eares, yet the back would feele.
Or let them for every oath bee injoyned and enforced to a months ſilence, as Tiberius the Emperor condemned a great railer, to a whole yeares: yea, as he among the Indians (take it on Aelian's credit) that told a lye thrice, was condemned to perpetuall ſilence: ſo I am ſure, it were happy for the Church, if theſe ſwearers were ſo ſilenced, except they would forbeare their ſwearing.
Or let their purſes pay for it, and this would touch them to the quicke, this is a tryed remedy, the land hath had experience of it, when there was an act made by King Henry the fifth, and his Parliament, that if any Duke ſwore an oath, hee ſhould pay forty ſhillings; a Barron, twenty ſhillings; a Knight or an Eſquire, ten ſhillings; a Yeoman, three ſhillings foure pence; a Servant, whipt; and the ſame as well executed, as inacted, no man was once heard to ſweare, or very rarely. And would not the like penalty now work the like effect? yes undoubtedly, for men ſtand more upon their ſilver, or upon their ſides ſmarting, then upon their ſoules. Have you not heard how that Hoſt anſwered his gueſts, when they could get no fleſh at his houſe in Lent, yet might have it in other places? alaſſe! ſaid he, we are bound, and they are but ſworn; the tale lookes like mirth, but the meaning is in good earneſt: too many feare an Obligation, more than Religion; and are more carefull of a Recognizance, then of their Conſcience.
What moſt mens care is, touching ſpirituall evills, and eternall reward, is lively expreſt by Salomon, becauſe ſentence againſt an evill worke is not executed ſpeedily, therefore the heart of the children of men is fully ſet in them to do evill, Eccle. 8.11.
Ignorant worldlings thinke becauſe God ſtrikes not, he minds not, Pſ. 50.21. but O foole, though hee come ſoftly to Judgement, yet he commeth ſurely; and in the end, what hee wanted in ſwiftneſſe, ſhall be ſupplyed in ſevereneſſe.
Yea, were that good ſtatute lately enacted by our gracious King, and his Nobles, thorowly, ſtrictly, and ſeverely put in execution, without partiallity, we ſhould finde another manner of reformation touching oaths, then now we ſee; beſides the pore ſhould be richly maintained, and none be in want but ſwearers, whoſe want alſo were the onelyonly way to make them rich, to recover their ſoules, and procure all bleſſings from God upon their perſons and eſtates, ſo all ſhould be gainers: whereas now though we have good laws provided, the matter is as well mended touching oaths, as it was once in Lyons touching Stewes, of which Hugo Card nalis ſaid, that whereas Innocentius found foure at his comming thether, he had left them but one, indeed that reached from one end of the City to the other, urbs eſt jam tota lupanar; for wee have not leſſe but more ſwearing ſince that prohibition, by reaſon that mans nature moſt luſteth after that which is moſt forbidden, and ſlights the fruite of that tree which is eaſily climbed: ſo that for want of due execution, becauſe of oathes the Land doth mourne, Hoſ. 4.3. and threatens to ſpue out her inhabitants becauſe of drunkenneſſe. And ſo much of the drunkards ſwearing.
§ 36.
Their diſcourſe and behaviour on the Alebench.NOw when the pots for a while have ſtopt all their mouths, (though every man had his ſhare before) and they forgot what was formerly ſpoken; you ſhall have one, for very pure love, and want of other expreſſion, weep in his fellowes boſome; another ſit kiſſing of his companion, not without ſome ſhort ſentence nothing to the purpoſe; a third, ſetting his mouth on the racke with laughter; (wiſe were the man that could tell at what) a 4th ſwaggering and ſwearing becauſe the wine was brought him no ſooner; a fifth, (for I paſſe him that ſits there in a corner, nodding, and ſlavering) falls down upon his marrowbones (in devotion to Bacchus) and up with the pot hand ſmooth, after which every one that is awake ſings his ſong, ſeaſoning the ſame with many a goodly belch; then one in ſtead of a harpe, takes a knife and a quart pot, with which he will make fine muſick in his conceit; another, in his ſong commends his miſtris, another, the goodneſſe of the wine; another, being better skilled in proſe than meeter, relates all the paſſages betwixt him and his wife at home, for wine deſcending, ca…ſeth words ſtill to aſcend; another, tells how many quarts, he, and ſo many more, dranke at ſuch a meeting; another, begins to argue of Religion, and matters of State; another brags of his lying with ſuch a woman, into whoſe company hee could never yet bee admitted; another boaſts how he jeered ſuch a Puritan, (for the drink having bitten him, hee runnes like a mad Dog up and down, ſnapping at every body, and many a good man may ſay with David, I became a ſong of the drunkards) another, falls a riming all in Satyre againſt the reſt that are abſent, and will not drinke, (and perhaps ſteeps his jeſt in his own laughter) which being lik'd and laught at, they all fall a riming; then each one, in his order, muſt play the Poet out of the inſpiration of Bacchus, only, (for Sibylla like) they never yeeld any Oracle, except they are firſt poſſeſt with a fury, and the Muſes may goe hang for any roome they have here; their Library is a large roome, ranked ful of pots and canns of all ſorts.
Now although the wiſeſt of them cannot make two true verſes in his mothers tougue in three houres; yea although they bee the verieſt lack-latins, and the moſt unalphabeticall raggabaſhaes that ever lived, (for I never heard of above one good Poet they had, and hee was ſtarved to death, for telling truth out of ſeaſon) yet notwithſtanding (for ſtand well they cannot) they will, one with a cole, another with a candle, fill all the walls and ſeelings with Epithalamiums, Elegies, and Epitaphs; which done, are expounded to the reſt of the company, if any be awake to heare it; your eares would bliſter to read them, though it would doe a deafe mans heart good to heare them, or a blind mans to ſee them.
§ 37.
ANd yet poore ſoules they thinke themſelves wiſer then Salomon, How wiſe the drunk…rd is in his owne conceit.for being bribed with ſelf-conceite, what can not they doe, what doe they not know, what will they not ſay? yea, it is a wrong to their reputation to be ignorant of any thing; and yet they know not this one thing, that they know nothing; as it is hard to tell whether pride or ignorance beares the greateſt ſway. It is incident to a weake mind to overvalue it ſelfe, the Gentiles profeſſed themſelves to bee wiſe even when they became fooles, Romans 1.22. the Prince of Tyrus would bee reputed wiſer then Daniel, Ezech. 28.3. when indeed he was of all fooles the greateſt, v. 6 9. and S. Paul tels us, that they which never knew what wiſdome meant, yet named themſelves Philoſophers, Col. 2.8.
Yea, they hold all the world dunces beſides themſelves, and will ſweare, they are ſhallow fellowes that doe not drinke ſack. Tell them that Pythagoras drank nothing but water, that Demoſthenes that great Orator never drank wine; they will ſay, it cannot be, it is impoſſible; for they have as high an eſteeme of wine about making wiſe, as the Stoicks had of their doctrine about making holy, who were of opinion, that whoſoever received the ſame, if in the morning hee were wicked, in the evening hee ſhould become a very good man: and hence it is, that according to the cuſtome of Duchmen, and ancient Perſians, they never make bargaines, nor conſult of any great matters, but in the midſt of their cups, when halfe drunke.Of which 2. reaſons.
Neither will any wonder at this their conceit, that conſiders theſe two things. Firſt, what the nature of Wine is, for wine, as Plato wel obſerves, being immoderately taken, makes them which drinke it thinke themſelves wiſe, and their diſcourſe unanſwerable, and ſo it is, by reaſon of their obſtinacy; hereupon their ſpeech is much, though little to the purpoſe, and what ever the queſtion be, the truth is on their ſide, all is ſpoken in print that is ſpoken by them, though their phraſe (the apparell of their minds) hath a raſh outſide, and fuſtian lynings; which would make them hold their peace, if they but heard themſelves with my eares, as Xenocrates the Philoſopher told one that was a great babler: yea, all the Drunkards Geeſe are Swanns, and all their vertues tenne foote long; as for faults, they have none, for poore ſoules they ſee neither their ſlips, nor wants.
Secondly, a Drunkard, with the ſluggard in the Proverbs, is wiſer in his owne conceit, then ſeven men that can render a reaſon, becauſe, he ſpeakes ſo much, and heares ſo little. They that talke ſo much to others, ſeldome ſpeake with themſelves enough; and then for want of acquaintance with their owne boſomes, they may well be miſtaken, and preſent a foole to the people, while they thinke themſelves wiſe.
Alaſſe! if they have once read but the Fayry Queene, the Arcadia, and Montaigne his eſſayes, (I dare not ſay the booke of ſtatutes, or the Chronicles) or can but breake a jeaſt, as many of them are like Sarmantus, a gentleman of Rome, whowas famous only for his ſcoffing, then they conceit of themſelves, as Menecrates the Phyſitian did, who (though not worthy to be Aeſculapius his Apothecaries boy) would needs be Iupiter; and opinion you know is all in all, every thing wee light upon is as we apprehend it; opinion makes women faire, and men lovely; opinion makes men wiſe, valiant, rich, nay any thing.
§ 38.
BUt are they ſo wiſe, The greateſt Bowzers Proved the greateſt Buzzards. to Sect. 42.becauſe they thinke themſelves ſo? No, no more then Simon Magus was great, becauſe he called himſelfe a great man: for what ever they thinke, by the rule of Scripture every Drunkard is a foole, Pro. 20.1. and experience ſhewes, that the greateſt bowſers are the greateſt Buzzards in the world, that they have moſt leaden conceits, dull underſtandings, droſſie wits, groſſe and muddy affections; for either they are of ſo meane breeding, that they are ignorant of any other entertainment; or of ſuch ſlow conceit, as they are not company one for another, without exceſſive draughts to quicken them.
Or thirdly, ſo abundantly talkative, that they prove themſelves fooles the other way; for even their much babling, is an argument ſufficient to prove them fooles. What ſaith wiſe Salomon? a Fooles voice is knowne by a multitude of words, and babling Drunkards account it not wiſdome to ſpeake few things or words; yea, they can better aford you a ſea of words, then a drop of wit; as marke whether their diſcourſe be not more ſound, then ſubſtance; winde, then matter.
Yea, tell me whether a talkative drunkard bee not an unbraced Drum, able to beate a wiſe man out of his wits, except he ſhould ſtop his eares, or abſent his perſon, when ſuch intrude themſelves into his company.
We reade that Horace was put into a ſweat (almoſt into a feaver) by the accidentall detention of a bablers tongue.
But to goe on, ever where is leaſt braine, ſaith Socrates, there is moſt tongue, and lowdeſt; even as a Brewers cart upon the ſtones makes moſt noyſe, when his veſſells are emptieſt.
Indeed when a modeſt man gave thankes to God with a ſubmiſſe and low voice, an impudent criticall gallant found fault with him, that hee ſaid Grace no lowder; but he gave him a bitter reply, make me but a foole, and I ſhall ſpeake as lowd as you, but that will marre the Grace quite.
A babling tongue ſheweth great pride, and little knowledge; but how ſeldome is the tongue liberall, where the heart is full?
Spintharus gives this praiſe of Epaminondas, that he hardly ever met with one, that knew more then he, or ſpake leſſe: profound knowledge ſayes little, deepe rivers paſſe away in ſilence, but what a murmur and bubling, yea, ſometimes what a roaring doe they make in the ſhallowes?
Yea, both the greateſt knowers, and the greateſt doers, are ever the leaſt talkers. Sampſon ſlew a Lyon, yet he made no words of it; whereas they that have buſie tongues, have commonly lazie hands, which alſo proves that they have vaine hearts.
The leſſe vertue, the greater report, who can wonder to finde a flood in the tongue, when the heart is empty?
Indeed when once a Rabbi little learned, and leſſe modeſt, uſurped all the diſcourſe at table, one (not for want of ignorance) much admiring him, asked his friend in private, whether he did not take ſuch a man for a great ſcholler? but what was the anſwer? he may be learned quoth he, for ought I know, but I never heard learning make ſuch a noyſe. The full veſſell gives you a ſoft anſweare, but ſound liquor: ſo the knowing and ſollid man, will either be ſilent, or his words ſhall be better then ſilence; whereas they that ſpeake much, ſeldome ſpeake well.