The Drunkards Character, Section 67
§ 67.
ANd as for pride, they know not what it meanes;5 Cause reputation of good …ellowship. it's an ill signe they are proud, when they goe in rags, being able to spend so much as they doe: and yet any eyes, but their owne, may see, that they care not what they spend, or how much they drinke, (yea even forcing nature beyond their ability) for popular applause, and to have others commend them for joviall: as one to get him a name, built D…ana's Temple (which was one of the worlds wonders) another to get him a name, burnt it, but failed of his expectation, for to prevent his hopes, they suffered not his name to be put in the Chronicle.
But these have their aime, are reputed generous, and brave blades: which commendations is like the praise that Homer gives of Paris, that is, praising the beauty of his Locks, but making him to be the ruine of his country: or like that which is spoken of Pope Boniface the eight, viz. that he was famous, yet for nothing, but his wickednesse. Since they cannot be notable, they would be notorious, and, with Ca…ne, marked, though for murtherers. Opinion is all they stand upon, and that from men more gallant then wise, that have more heart then braine, yea, more lust, pride, and ignorance then either.
Yea, the fame and reputation of good fellowship with them is more sweete then life, then salvation; for they had rather be famous men upon earth (though it be for infamy) then glorified Saints in Heaven; yea, they had rather goe to Hell, then be counted Puritans, for shaking hands with their old associats; wherin they resemble Saul, who stood more upon the praise of men, then the favour of God; or Vlysses, who pretended to love his native country Ithaca so dearely, that for it he would refuse to be immortall; or the Lord Cordes, with whom it was a common by-word, that he would be content to be in Hell seven yeares, so he might have the honour of winning Cales from the English; or some unconscionable Fathers, who will goe to the Devill, to make their Sonnes Gentlemen, live miserably, and damne their owne soules, that their's may be left rich, they so love their children above themselves; for as these, so drunkards are proud of basenesse I can feele their Pulses beate hither. But when all's done, a good name is more to be respected, then a great.
Forsooth, they would get a name; and indeede, they doe get the names of common drunkards, which will never be done away. Or admit they get the name of good fellowes, how ridiculous is that name, when it is gotten? Achitophel hath a name, Iudas hath a name, Beelzebub hath a name, the powder Traytors have got them a name; but it were happy for such names if they might dye, for they will stinke while they live, and so doth the drunkards, when he hath obtained the name of good fellow, in my judgment; and if I cannot beate the Vulgar from their contrary opinion, yet I will be sure, the Vulgar shall never beate it into me.
I could here tell you of another pride, Or pride of wit.which occasions many to drinke, and keepe company, Pride of wit; not that drunkards are thereof guilty, but, as Narcissus doted upon his owne shadow: so they conceit of their owne Embryan discourse (as the Crow of her owne Birds) that it is fairer and better then ordinary, or else they would not be at such charges to have you heare it. If ye doubt his pride, marke whether all his discourse tends not, either to the praise of himselfe, or the dispraise of others; unlesse his praysing of another may redound also to his owne praise.
But wherein doth his vainelye, and the excellency of his braine consist? The Beane of all his honour lyes in scoffes, and jeeres; for take from these Aspes but their poyson and sting, you undoe them, they have nothing left of any use; all their worth lyes in witcrackers, as some in the Netherlands have their wealth in Squibs and fire-workes, others in Mouse-traps and Tinderboxes. Now in case he hath broken a jest well, he sits him downe, and sings plaudits to his own braine, and not onelyonly falls in love with all, as Pygmalion fell in love with his Ivory Image, but if others doe not commend and admire it for rare and excellent, as though it were found in the Phoenix nest, he thinkes he hath great wrong. It is not enough, that he thinkes himselfe wise; but we also must thinke him so, though he knowes in his conscience wee thinke wrong: as once a Souldier, to have his friends in England thinke him somebody, gave it out that he was Captaine of a hundred, when his conscience told him, and one of the company was able to reply, that they were not men but Vermine, which were under his conduct.
Indeed it were happy for him, if he wanted the wit he hath herein; and Sathan should doe him a greater pleasure, if he did not so prompt him in scoffes; for, like Absalom's haire, it proves but an ornament to hange himselfe withall: the best office his wit doth him, is either to spit out friends with his tongue, or laugh them into enemies. When one brake a bitter jest upon his friend, he requited him with his Dagger, saying, I cannot breake a jest, but I can breake your head. Now he payes deere for a jest, who spends his time, and mony, and sells his honesty for it: but most unhappy is that wit, which stirres up enemies against the owner, and proves a snare to it selfe; well may such an one have a good wi…, but sure I am, a foole hath the keeping of it. And so much of the fift cause, for I feare to be tedious.