Abuses Stripped and Whipped, Book · Satire 6
OF CHOLLER.
SATYR. 6.
BVt now the cause of mens Reuengefull thirst,
Proceeds from rash vnbridled choller first:
Which Passion flowes from imbecillity,
And brings vsus vntounto much absurdity:
Yea those that are infected with this crime,
Are in a manner mad-men for the time:
'Tis a short Fury, where-with man possest
Resembles most a wild vntamed beast:
It makes him foolish, quite besides his wit,
Doing and speaking many a thing vnfit.
Those men in whom I find this Passion raigne,
I hauehave oft seene to storme for things but vaine,
Yea, and as if they had some greeuous crosse
Chafe out of measure for a penny losse,
And fret as much in loosing of some toy
As if therein consisted all their ioy:
This too I noted in a Chollerick man,
(Let any one disproue me if he can)
They are not onelyonly apt for to beleeue,
Any report that may occasion giuegive;
But in light matters if they should contend,
Would pick a quarrell with their dearest friend:
Yea I hauehave seen where friends, nay more, where brothers
That should & hauehave bin dearer far thē others:
These I hauehave knowne in choller e'ne like foes.
Mingling sharpe words, with farre more sharpned blows.
When they are in their fit they do not spare,
Any degree; No reuerence, nor care
Doth then remaine; Thei'le speake though they be sure,
Their heedlesse words, not foes alone procure,
But loose their friends: nor doe they in that case,
Respect the Time, the company, nor place:
Besides there is this ouersight in some,
Where Choller doth the Reason ouercome:
They doe not onelyonly blame him that offends,
But are displeased euen with their friends,
And all that are in presence or in view;
I hauehave obseru'd it often to be true:
Then if that any should but tell these men,
Their anger were without iust Reason, then,
Although it be so and thy know it right,
Their fury is the more increast with spight:
They cannot brooke …ontroule, nor yet can they
Endure that a man should nothing say,
For then indeed tis presently suspected,
He cares not, and his anger is neglected:
And in some Masters I hauehave noted this,
Wherein they doe in my conceit amisse:
If they but thinke their seruant doth offend,
He must not his suspected crime defend,
Guilty or no; but yeild it an offence
As if men still were slaues; but surely hence,
Springs this abuse, in whom this humour passes:
Choller beares sway, and they are wayward Asses:
Who though they hauehave read some strict rules in Cat…
Were neuer Schollers, to diuiner Plato:
Oh Anger is a wondrous headstrong Passion,
That hath a beastly, frantick operation;
From which, how can we any man release
Since we must neither speake, nor hold our peace?
Some will be angry, if they cannot make,
Another their opinions for to take.
Others hauehave meanings but they cannot shew them,
Yet are displeas'd, with those that doe not know
And I hauehave seene (that anger may be holy) them:
A good man mooued for anothers folly;
Yet in such cases let not any chafe,
But pray (as I doe) they may mend and laugh;
Me thinkes they should be men vnfit to weild
The sword of Iustice that do basely yeild,
VntoUnto so brute a passion; yet hauehave we
Some Gouernours that ouer-ruled be
By this, and worse affections; yea some now
HaueHave charge of others, that doe worse know how
To guide themselues: the angry Magistrate,
To be aueng'd on him whom he doth hate,
For priuate causes drawes the publike sword,
And all the Rigor that the lawes affoord
Must serue his Choller; such there be, so many
You cannot misse one, though I name not any.
Now diuers doe affirme such men as be
Hasty, (so they tearme this infirmitie)
Are the best natur'd: who that lesson taught?
If they be best Ile sweare the best be naught:
Moreouer there be many doe suppose,
It is a signe of courage; what meane those?
Where is their iudgements? they me thinkes should gather
That it were weakenesse did produce it rather,
Or else why should the feeble and the sicke,
Women and children be most chollerick?
Againe there's some (whose iudgement is as rude)
Doe thinke that Anger quickens fortitude:
But that's a vertue surely will deny,
With such a Vice to hauehave affinity:
Thou that hast iudgement, tell me, can it be,
That Fortitude and Anger may agree?
I thinke it not, for why, the one is steady,
And rul'd by reason, t'other rash and heady:
The one doth nothing but on consultation,
The other cannot take deliberation:
And therefore if that we be well aduis'd,
It is a humor ought to be despis'd:
And though some thence much help may seeme to gather,
To whet on Fortitude, it hinders rather:
Yea tis a strange vnreasonable Passion,
That brings the owner cleane beside all fashion;
Making him speake if ought but discontent him,
Yea doe the thing of which he shall repent him,
And of a friend if I might chuser be:
I'de rather hauehave a man that's mad then he:
Some say 'tis inflamation of the blood,
And may with carefull heed be soone withstood;
But their's so few that seeke to stop this ill,
That most do let it runne at randome stil:
And very faintly yeeld to the inuasion
Of this wild Passion, on the least occasion,
But he indeed that would a medcine find
For this disease, must hauehave a setled mind,
Not giuing credit vntounto all reports▪
Nor yet delighting in vaine toyes, nor sports:
On dogs, or hawkes his mind must not be set,
So much, as for their losse to chafe or fret:
He should not fancy fuch fond idle trash,
But euer taking heed of being rash;
Athenodorus good aduice embrace,
And follow Cotis that wise King of Thrace,
Whereby he best shall quench this Passions tinder,
And many an Angry fumish fit may hinder.