Abuses Stripped and Whipped, Book · Satire 1
OF THE PASSION. OF LOVE.
SATYR. 1.
FIrst LoueLove; the same I heere the first do call,
Because that passion is most Natural;
And of it selfe could not be discommended,
Wert not with many a foule abuse attended,
Or so much out of measure, as we see,
By those in whom it raignes it oft wil be:
For looke wher't growes into extremity,
It soone becometh Vertues Laethargy,
Makes them set light by reasons sound direction,
And beares them headlong by vntam'd affection.
C…unsels in vain, cause when this fit doth take them
Reason and vnderstanding doth forsake them;
It makes them some-time merry, some-time sad,
Vntam'd men mild, and many a mild man mad:
To fooles it wisdome giues, and makes the witty
To shew thēselues most fooles (the more's the pitty)
Some it makes purblind, that they do not know,
The Snow white Cygnet from the cole-black Crow;
That one to gold compares his Mistris hayre,
When 'tis like foxe-fur and doth think shee's faire,
Though she in beauty be not far before,
The Swart West-Indian, or the tawny Moore.
Oh those faire Star-like eyes of thine, one saies:
When to my thinking she hath look't nine wayes;
And that sweet breath; when I thinke (out vppon't)
'Twould blast a flower if she breathed on't,
Another hauing got a dainty peece,
(Prouder then Iason with his golden fleece)
Commends her vertues that hath iust as many,
As a shee-baud that neuer yet had any.
Yet sweares shee's chast and takes her for no more,
VVhen all her neighbours knowes she is a—
Another he growes carelesse of his health,
Neglects his credit and consumes his wealth,
Hath found a pretty peat, procur'd her fauor,
And sweares that he in spight of all, wil hauehave her;
Wel let him take her since they are contented,
But such rash-matches are the soon'st repented.
Then there is one who hauing found a peere,
In all thinges worthy to be counted deere;
VVanting both Art and heart his mind to breake,
Sits sighing (wo is me) and wil not speake.
All company he hates, is oft alone,
Growes Melancholly, weepes, respecteth none;
And in dispaire seekes out a way to dye,
VVhen he might liue and find a remedy.
But how now; wast not you (saies one) that late
So humbly beg'd a boone at beauties gate?
Was it not you that to a female Saint
Indited your Aretophels complaint,
With many doleful Sonnets, wa'st not you?
Sure twas saies he: but then how comes it now
You carpe at louelove thus in a Satyrs vaine?
Take heed you fall not in her handes againe,
Sure if you doe, you shal in open court,
Be forc't to sing a Palinodia for't.
What are your braines dry, or yourblood growne cold?
Or are you on a sodaine waxen old?
To flout at louelove, which men of greatest wit,
Alow in youth as naturall and fit.
What reason hauehave you for't els? what pretence
HaueHave you for to excuse this vild offence?
To him I answer that indeed een'e I
Was lately subiect to this malady:
Lik't what I now dislike; employ'd good times
In the composing of such idle Rimes
As are obiected: From my heart I sent
Full many a heauy sigh, and oft-times spent
Vnmanly teares. I hauehave, I must confesse,
Thought if my LoueLove smil'd that no happinesse
Might equalize it, and her frowne much worse,
(O God forgiue me) then the Churches curse,
I did (as some do) not much matter make,
To hazard soule and body for her sake,
Hauing no hope sometime I did despaire,
Sometime too much built castles in the ayre,
In many a foolish humor I hauehave beene,
As wel as others; looke where I hauehave seene
Her (whom I lou'd) to walke, when she was gone,
Thither I often hauehave repair'd alone:
As if I thought the places did containe,
Something to ease me (oh exceeding vaine:)
Yet what if I hauehave beene thus idly bent,
Shal be now asham'd for to repent?
Moreouer I was in my child-hood than,
And am scarse yet reputed for a Man.
And therefore neither cold, nor old, nor dry;
Nor cloi'd with any foule disease am I,
'Tis no such cause that made me change my mind,
But my affection that before was blind,
Rash and vnruly, now begins to find
That it had run a large and fruitlesse race,
And therevpon hath giuen Reason place.
So that by Reason, what no Reason might
Perswade me from before; I hauehave out-right,
Iustly forsaken; for because I see
'Twas vaine, absurd, and naught but foolery,
Yet for all this looke where I lou'd of late,
I hauehave not turnd it in a spleene to hate:
No, for 'twas first her Vertue and her Wit,
Taught me to see how much I wanted it;
Then as for LoueLove, I do alow it stil,
I neuer did dislik't nor neuer will;
So it be vertuous, and contain'd within,
The bounds of Reason; but when 'twill begin,
To run at random and her limits breake;
I must, because I cannot chuse but speake.
But I forget my selfe, wherefore am I
So tedious in my owne Apologie?
It needed not at all, Ile on againe,
And shew what kind of Louers yet remaine:
One sort I find yet of this louing crew,
Whose quality I thinke is knowne to few:
These seeke by all the meanes they can to gaine
Each Virgins liking: Sometime not in vaine,
They do obtaine their wish, but when tis got,
Sorry they are and wish they had it not.
For peraduenture they hauehave plac't their LoueLove,
So as it cannot, nor it must not mooue
And yet if they should faile for to procure it,
'Twould greeue thē so they hardly woould endure it.
Yea though in shew (at least) they hauehave said nay,
Their Loues with like affection to repay,
If they perceiu't abate, as it will doe,
Both this and that, doth make them sorry too.
But he that is with such a humor led,
I may be bold to terme a watle-head.
More-ouer men in placing their affection,
HaueHave feu'rall humors for to giuegive direction.
Some like the Faire, but there's not all the grace,
She may be faire, and hauehave a squemish face,
Some like the wanton, some the modest eyes,
The pace, or gesture some's affection ties.
A smile wins one, anothers lookes mooues pitty,
The next commends the lasse that's bold and witty.
Againe some louelove where they no cause can find,
But onelyonly this; the wench they see is kind.
Yea one doth thinke her faire (another loathes)
Because she seemes so in her gaudy clothes.
More sorts there are; but sure I am, not many
That for bare Vertue hauehave affected any.
Wealth many matches makes; but most can prooue
Though it breeds liking, yet it winnes not louelove.
Then to obtaine his Mistres, one man tries,
How he can stretch his wits to Poetize:
His Pass…a… to relate his skill he proues,
But in this blockish age it little moues;
Nor doe I wonder much true meaning failes,
And wit so little in this case auailes,
Since dunces can hauehave sannets fram'd & send them,
As their inuentions, when some others pen'd them.
Another seekes by Valour to obtaine,
His wished prize, but now that trial's vaine;
The third brings wealth, and if he doe not speed,
The womans worth the suing for indeed.
Then he that's neither valorous nor wise,
Comes ruffling in, with shamelesse brags and lies,
Making a stately, proud, vaine-glorious show,
Of much good matter, when tis nothing so.
In steed of lands, to which he ne're was heyre,
He tels her tales of Castles in the ayre,
For martiall matters, he relates of fraies,
Where many drew their swords & ran their waies.
His Poetry is such as he can cull,
From plaies he heard at Curtaine or at Bull,
And yet is fine coy Mistres-Marry-Muffe,
The soonest taken with such broken stuffe.
Another shallow braine hath no deuise,
But prates of some strange casts he had at dice,
Brags of his play, yea sure it doth befall,
He vaunts oft-times of that which marreth all;
But some I note (now fie on such a man)
That make themselues as like them as they can,
Thereby to winne their loues; they faine their pace;
Order their lookes, and striue to set their face
To looke demure: Some wooe by nods, and lookes,
Some by their sighes, and others by their bookes;
Some hauehave a nature must not be denaide,
And will grow furious if they be delaide:
Others againe hauehave such a fancy got,
If they soone speed then they esteeme them not.
When women woo, some men do most affect them,
And some againe for wantons doe suspect them:
Besides, we see that fooles themselues they make,
What toyes they count of for their wenches sake;
One for some certaine months, or weekes, or daies,
VVeares in his hat a branch of wither'd bayes.
Or sweares for to employ his vtmost power,
For to preserue some stale-neglected flowre:
He weares such colours as for Louers be,
Drinks vowed healths vponupon his bared knee:
Sue's mainly for a shoo-string, or doth craue her,
To grant him but a busk-point for a fauour:
And then to note (as I hauehave seene) an Asse
That by her window, whom he loues, must passe,
With what a fained pace, the Woodcock stalks;
How skuruely he sleareth as he walks:
And if he ride, how he rebounds and trots,
As if his horse were troubled with the bots;
'Twould make one swell with laughing: In a day
He makes more errands then he needs that way,
Bearing himselfe as if he still espide him,
When as perhaps she flouts, or lookes beside him:
Nay should I tell you all the Vanitie,
I hauehave obserued in this maladie,
I should shame Louers, but Ile now be husht,
For had I said more I my selfe had blusht:
Yet know; although this passion I hauehave tyde
To louelove of women, it concludes beside
All whatsoeuer kinde of loues there be,
Vnlesse they keep the minde from trouble free,
And yeeld to reason: but of such-like louers,
My Muse hereafter other feates discouers.