The Art of Rhetoric, Book 2 · Part 1 · Section 13 – Section 14
¶The diuision of pleasau…t behauiour.
PLeasauntnesse, either appereth in tellyng a rounde tale,Mirthe makyng, twoo waies vsed. or els in takyng occasiō of some one worde. The matter is told pleasauntly, when some mannes nature (whereof the …ale is tolde,) is so set furthe, his countenaunce so counterfeited, and all his iesture so resembled, that the hearers might iudge the thing, to be then liuely doen, euen as though he were there, whereof the …ale was told. Some can so l…u…ly set furthe another mannes nature, and with suche grace reporte a tale: that fewe shalbe able to forbeare laughter, whiche knowe bothe parties, though thei would the cōtrary neuer so fain. Now in …ount…rf…ityng after this sort▪ if suche moderacion be not vsed, that the hearer maie iudge more by hymself, then the pleasant disposed man is willyng fully to set furth: it will not be well liked. For he that excedeth and telleth all: yea, more then is nedefull, without al repect, or consideracion had: thesame shalbe taken for a common iesture, suche as knowe not howe to make an ende, when thei once b…ginne, beyng better acquainted with bible bable, then knowyng the frute of wisedomes lore.
Pleasantnesse in a saiyng,Pleasauntnes in a …aiyng. is stirred by the quicke altryng of some one worde, or of some one sentēce. But euen as in reportyng a tale, or counterfeityng a manne, so muche is euer naught: so scurrilitie or (to speake in old plain english) knauery in iestyng would not be vsed, where honestie is estemed Therfore though there be some wit, in a pretie deuised ieste: …et we ought to take hede, that we touche not those, whō we would be moste loth to offend. And yet some had as l…u… lose their life, as not bestowe their conceiued iest, and oftentimes thei hauehave, as thei desire. But shall I say of suche wilful men, as a Spaniard spake of an earnest Gospeller, that for woordes spoken against an Ecclesiasticall lawe, suffered death in Smithe fielde? Ah miser, non potuit tacere & uiue…e? Ah wretche that he was, could he not liue, and held his peace?
Again, to iest when occasiō is geuen, or when the iest maie touch al mē: it is thought to be against al good maner. Therfore the consideracion of time,Di…ference betwi…te a common ieste… and a pleasaunt wise manne. & moderacion of pastyme, & s…ldome vsyng of drie mockes, euen when nede moste requireth, make a difference, and shewe a seuerall vnderstandyng, betwirte a common iester, and a pleasaunt wise man.
Now the time requireth, to shew what kindes there are of mouyng laughter, & makyng the hearer to be mery: notwithstāding this would first be learned, that out of diuerse pleasant speches, aūcient saiynges also maie be gathred. As for exāple we maie by one worde, bothe pra…se a faithfull seruaūt and if he be naught, we maie also iest of him, & dispraise him. According to that mery saiyng of Nero, vpō his man y• was light fingered. I hauehave one at home (ꝙ he) emōg all other, to whom there is no cofer lockt, nor dore shut in all my house▪ meanyng that he was a picklocke, and a false verl…t, and yet these wordes might hauehave been spoken of a faithfull seruaunt.
We shall delite the hearers,Pleasaunt answeres made, cōtrary to our lokyng, delite vsus muche. when thei looke for one answere, and we make theim a cleane contrary, as though wee would not seme to vnderstande, what thei would hauehave. As when one commyng frō a faire, and beyng asked in good sadnesse of another, howe horses went there. Marie ꝙ he, some trotte, and some amble. And thus beyng deceiued of our lookyng (for who would hauehave lookte for suche an answere?) we are oft delited with our awne errour. Again, one Pontidius beyng sore greued, that another mā had cōmitted aduoutrie came to a frend of his, and saied sadly: Ah lorde, what thinke you sir of hym, that was taken in bedde of late▪ with another mannes wife? Marie ꝙ the other, I thynke him to be a very sluggard. Pōtidius hearyng him saie so, was abashed at the straungenesse of h…s answere, and lokyng for no suche thyng was driuen to laugh at his awne errour, although before, he was muche greued with thaduouterers moste wicked deede.
One beyng sore greued with the euill behauiour of a certain …entlemā, spake his pleasure largely against hym, whervpon another merie man, dissēblyng to take his part, said he was an honester mā then so. Yea (ꝙ thother) what one thing hath he, wherby to proue himself honest at al? Marie (ꝙ the man) he hath the kynges pardon, & what saie you to tha…?
Whē is it best to dine (ꝙ one) to Diogenes?Diogenes. Mary (ꝙ he) for a riche man, when he list: for a poore man w…en he canne.
A nob…e man that whilome kept a chapell, beyng disposed to serue God, went to his closette deuoutely, and made hym self redy to praie, wherupon one came doune in hast, and said to the Chaunter, you muste begin sir. The Chaunter beyng a merie man, answered thus, as though he were angry. Begin ꝙ he? I will begin with none, e…cept thei begin with me And so made the whole Quier, that then was redy for syngyng, to fall streight a laughyng The whiche is all one, for, syng we, or laugh we, what maketh matter, so we be merie?
Wordeswordes doubt fully spoken. doubtfully spokē, geue oftē iust occasiō of muche laughter. Ah (ꝙ a certa…n man) do you se yonder felowe, & do you knowe him? Yea, (quod the other) I knowe him verye well. I shall tell you sir (saide the gentilman) there is not a manne of greater vnderstandinge within this Citye then he is. Tushe it is not so (quod he.) No? (saide the other) marcke well the bought of his legge, and you sha…l see hys vnderstand…nge worthye to be compared with the beste, and greatest of them all.
Sometimes it is well liked, whan by the chaungynge of a letter,Chaungyng of a letter, or al…ering parte of a word, or adding a silla…le. or takinge awaye some parte of a worde, or addinge sometimes a sillable, we make an other meaninge. As one saide that meante full vnhappelye, enue…ghynge againste those that helde of Christes spirituall beynge in the Sacramēt: some (quod he) wil hauehave a Trope to be in these wordes: This is my bodye: But surely I would wishe the T. were taken awaye, and they had that for their labour, whiche is lefte behinde.
What carye you master Person (quod a gentilman) to a Prieste that hadde his woman on horsebacke behynde him, hauehave you gotte your male behinde you? No syr (quod the Prieste) it is my female.
The interpretation of a worde doth oft declare a witte.Interpreta… on of a word. As when one hath done a robbery, some wil saye, it is pitie, he was a handsome man, to y• which another made answere you saye truthe syr, for he hathe made these shyftes by hys handes, and gotte his liuyng wyth lyght fingeringe, & therfore beinge handsome as you saye he is, I woulde God he were handsomelye hanged.
Sometimes it is delightfull when a mannes word is taken, and not his meaninge.…vordes tak… and not the meanyng. As when one hadde sayde to an other (whose helpe he must nedes hauehave) I am sory sir to put you to paynes: The other aunswered, I will ease you syr of that sorowe, for I will take no paynes for you at all.
The turning of a word, & deniynge that wherwith we are charged, & aunsweringAn aunswere from euyll to worse. a much worsse, doth often moue the hearer. There was one Bassus (as Quintilian dothe tell) whiche seinge a Ladye called Domitia to be very nighe her selfe, spake his pleasure of her. Wherupon she being greued charged hym wyth these woordes, that he shoulde saye she w…s suche a pyuche penye, as woulde sell her olde shoue for money,…udgynge wit…ely re…uked. whereupon he aunswered, No forsothe mad…me (quod he) I saide not so, but these were my wordes, I saide you bought olde sho…e, suche as you coulde ge… beste cheape for money.
The Hollanders woordes ars worthye rehearsall, who beynge a pore man (as Erasmus telleth the tale) had a cow or two goyng in …he communes, wherupon it happened that an Oxe of a riche mans, who then was Maior of the towne hadde gored the pore mannes cowe, and almoste kylled her. The pore man being in this case halfe vndone, thought notwithstanding by a wittye deuise to get right iudg…ment of master Maior for the losse of his cowe, if he gotte nothynge elles, and therfore thus he framed his tale.A wittie deuised tale to g…t ryght iudgmēt Sir so it is that my cowe hath gored and almoste kylled your Oxe. What ha…h she (quod he) by sainte Marye thou shalte pay for him then. Naye (quod the poore man) I crye you mercye, youre Oxe hathe gored my cowe. Ah (quod the Maior) that is an other matter, we wyl talke of that hereafter at more leasure
These wordes were spoken of purpose, but now you shal heare what an olde woman spake of simplicitie. In the dotynge worlde, when stockes were saintes, and …umme walles spake, this olde grandamme was deuoutelye kneling vponupon her knees before the ymage of our Ladye. Wherupon a merye felowe asked her what she meante to crouche & knele there. Marie (quod the olde mother) I praye to our Ladye, that she maye praye to her Sonne for me: with that he laughed at her ignoraunce.A … bly…d answere Wherupon she thinkinge that her wordes were spoken amisse, corrected her owne sayinge in this wise. Naye (quod she) I praye to Christe in heauen, that he will praye for me to this good Ladye here.
Wordes rehearsed contrarie to that which was spoken, & (as a man would say) ouerthwartly answered,…ordes o…ert…wartly aunswered. do much abash the opponent, & delite the hearers. As when Sergius Galba being sicke, & therfore …eping his house, had appointed certaine of his frēdes to hear a matter of one Libo Scribonius, Tribune of the people, a man muche noted for hys noughtye and vncleane life: this Libo saide to him in this wise. Good Lorde, when shall wee see you Sir abroade, out of youre Parloure. Marye (quod he) when thou kepeste thy selfe oute of an other mannes chambre, meanynge that he was ouer familiar with an other mans wife. Thus we se howe and in what maner pleasaunt sawes are gathered and vsed, vponupon the occasion of diuers wordes spoken.
Pleasaunte sporte made by rehearsynge of … whole matter
THe nature & whole course of a matter being largelye set oute with a comelye behauoure doth much delite the hearers, and geu…th good cause of greate pastime. And this difference is betwene a …este in a word, and a iest vtterde in a longe tale. That whiche is still deliteful, with what wordes soeuer you tell it, is cont…in…d in the substaunce or nature of a lōge tale:… betwirt a … in a word, … a …est in a long… …ale. that which loseth his grace by alteration of a worde, is conteyned in the nature of a woorde. They that can liuely tell pleasaunt tales and merye dedes done, and set theim oute as well with gesture as with voyce, leauynge nothynge behynde, that maye serue for beautifiynge of their matter: are mooste mete for thys purpose, wherof assuredlye there are but fewe. And whatsoeuer he is that canne aptelye tell his tale, and wyth countenaunce, voyce, and gesture, so temper his reporte, that the hearers maye styll take delyte: him counte I a man worthye to be hyghlye estemed. For vndoubtedlye no man can dooe anye suche thinge, excepte they hauehave a greate mother wytte, and by experience confirmed suche their comelines, wherunto by nature they were most apte. Many a mā readeth histories, heareth fables, seeth worthye actes done euen in this our age, but few can set them out accordingly, and tel them liuely, as the matter selfe requireth to be told The kindes of delitinge in this sorte are diuers: wherof I will set forth many, as hereafter they shall folowe.