Observations Natural and Moral, Chapter 2
CHAP. II. Of friendſhip.
1 Sam. 18.1. The ſoule of Ionathan was knit to the ſoule of David, and he loved him as his owne ſoule.
THere are ſundry ſorts of love, firſt, naturall love; Amor naturali… ſenſualit ration…lit ſpiritualis.ſecondly, ſenſuall love; thirdly, rationall love; all theſe three bindeth one to another, but ſpirituall love excelleth all theſe.
Naturall love is that ſympathie which God hath placed in things without life, Naturall love what.as in heavie things to deſcend, and light things to aſcend: and that ſympathie which is betwixt the yron and the loadſtone, theſe things although they have no knowledge in themſelves, yet they are directed by the hand of the firſt mover, as the arrow by the hand of the Archer is directed to the marke.
The ſecond ſort of love is that ſenſual! love, Senſuall love what.directed by appetite which is found amongſt beaſts, for beaſts of the ſame kind love one another, and theſe ravenous beaſts which live by rapine, yet they love one another: but this ſort of love differeth farre from the love of man; the beaſts love onelyonly their young ones for a time, Difference betwixt ſenſuall and rationall love.but afterwards they love all the reſt of the ſame kind alike. Man loveth not his owne children onelyonly, but alſo theſe who are in affinitie or conſanguinitie with him, and theſe of his acquaintance, and his love is a permanent love: it is true through the corruption of the nature of man, there is a greater hatred betwixt man and man than amongſt the beaſts, but this ariſeth of ſome perverſe affection, but it was not ſo from the beginning.
This friendſhip is eyther perfect friendſhip, Amicitia perfecta imperfecta.or imperfect friendſhip.
Perfect friendſhip is the mutuall love of two, Perfect friendſhip what.ariſing of an effectuall good will of the one towards the other, and grounded in morall goodneſſe: this kind of friendſhip is not found but amongſt good men, he that loveth a man for pleaſure and profit, this is not true friendſhip.The meaſure of true friendſhip.
The meaſure of this friendſhip is this, we muſt love our friend as our ſelfe, the reaſon of this is, becauſe amicus eſt alter idem.
How … a man love him ſelfe, Queſt. ſeeing love is alwayes betwixt two?
If yee will conſider reaſon and ſenſe together, Anſw. yee ſhall alwayes finde two things in man, Howa man loveth himſelfe.and if reaſon give place to ſenſe, then ſenſe is amatum and reaſon is but amans; and that breedeth ſelfelove: but if ſenſe give place to reaſon, then reaſon is amatum and ſenſe is but amans, and thus we ſhould love our neighbours as our ſelves: when a man loveth the ſenſuall part in his neighbour rather than the reaſonable part, this is not right love.
This friendſhip reſembleth mariage in five things, A compariſon betwixt friendſhip and marriage.firſt there muſt be ſome equality betwixt theſe who are to be married, ſo there muſt be ſome equalitie betwixt theſe who are friends: the love which the Prince carrieth to his ſubjects is not properly friendſhip, but friendſhip is amongſt theſe who are equals, and yet the Lord ſubmitted himſelfe ſo farre as to call Abraham his friend, Iam. 2.23.
Where there are two equals, Queſt. if one of them wiſh preferment to his friend and to be above him in degree, whether or no doth this breake the bond of friendſhip, ſeeing now he wiſheth him to be his ſuperior and not his equall?
Friendſhip is kept two manner of wayes, Anſw. either in the ſame degree of friendſhip or in a higher or more emin… degree; How friendſhip is kept with thoſe who are in a higher degree.and … the inferior facultie is preſ… ved in the ſuperior (as the … is pref… ved in the ſenſitive) ſo is friendſhip kept ſtill but … a more eminent manner, and the… it is …u…ed into reverence and more greater reſpect.
The ſecond thing wherein friendſhip … marriage is in unity; as in marriage two are made one …, friendſhip like unto marriage in unitie.ſo in true friendſhip they are made one ſpirit, and amans eſt alter idem cum…mato. The Prince of the Sa… cens and the Emperor of Conſ…antinople entering in a league of friendſhip, … to open a veine in each one of their arme… that they might make up this friendſhip the betton, this friendſhip makes two friends to be one; or to be ſoure, but never to be two, for he that loveth is loved and he that is loved …eth, and true friendſhip maketh … one, it maketh one ſoule in two …dies: and at a ma… muſt not have many wives ſo he muſt not have many friends, this i… called foreign the love of many friends; Simile. and as theſe creatures who have but one brood love them the better, ſo he that hath but few friends, his love is the … towards them.
Object. Good the more it he extended the better it is why then is friendſhip the better the more it is ….
Good the more it is extended in the one kind, Anſw. the better it is if it ſuffer extention, as love it ſelfe the more it is extended the better it is: therefore whe… the … ſaith, thou ſhalt love thy neighbour as thy ſelfe, Particular friendſhip the more it is contracted the better it is.the Apoſtle, Rom. 13.9. extendeth it to foreign any man, to teach us that this love muſt bee extended to all; but particular friendſhip which ſuffereth no extention, the more it is contracted the better it is; and in this ſenſe it is ſaid, qui multis cupiteſſe amicus …ini…micu… eſt, he that deſireth to be a friend to many is a friend to none. If the hand were not parted into fingers, it could not doe things commodiouſly, as to write or to throw; but yet it gripeth faſter when it is folded. Simile. Love is like the hand parted, and friendſhip is like the hand folded. When a man hath too many friends it breedeth but tediouſneſſe to him rather than comfort, and they ſay we ſhould uſe our friends as we uſe ſance to meate; this is the property of ſauce, if it be ſparingly uſed, it maketh the meate to have the better reliſh, but if it be too much uſed in the meat, it breedeth loathſomeneſſe. So &c.
Thirdly, Friendſhip like unto marriage in commnion.friendſhip is like unto mariage in communion, love ſeeketh not her owne but delighteth as much in the good of others. Plato willed that in his Commonwealth meum & tuum ſhould not bee heard, but amongſt true friends the right of poſſeſſion ought to be heard, but not the right of uſe. Let thy fountaines bee diſperſed abroad and rivers of waters in the ſtreete, but let them be onelyonly thine owne, and not ſtrangers with thee, Pro. 5.16.17.
The fourth thing wherein friendſhip reſembleth marriage is in the endurance of it, Friendſhip like unto marriage in the perpetuity of it.for as nothing parteth married perſons but death, ſo nothing parteth true friends but death. Artemiſia Queene of Caria knowing the death parted husband & wife, ſhewed a wonderfull act of paſſion towards her husband Mauſolus; for death having taken him away, ſhe not knowing how to pull the thornes of ſorrow our of her ſoule, cauſed his body to be reduced to aſhes and mingled them in her drinke, meaning to make her body a living tombe, wherein the reliques of her husband might reſt, from whom ſhee could not indure to live ſeparated; So friendſhip which is true friendſhip can hardly be diſſolved, and nothing ſeparateth them but death.
But charity endureth after this life, Object. therefore friendſhip may ſeeme to indure after death in the life to come.
Charity in generall indureth in the life to come amongſt all the Saints of God, Anſw. Charity in generall remaineth i…life to come … lar friendſhip.but not this particular love betwixt man and wife, betwixt friend and friend: a friend may be a friend to his friends children and doe good to them after his friend is dead, Ruth. 2.20. Bleſſed be he of the Lord, who hath not leſt off his kindneſſe to the living and to the dead, that is, to the poſterity or the wife of the dead: And it ſeemeth that David was unmindfull of this rule of friendſhip to Ionathans ſonne, when he bade devide the land betwixt Shiba and M…phiboſeth, 2 Sam. 19.29.
The laſt thing wherein friendſhip reſembleth marriage is, Friendſhip like unto marriage in bearing others infirmities.as the man ought to beare with his wives infirmities and to cover them, ſo ſhould a friend cover the infirmities of his neighbour, but not his groſſe enormities, for then he hateth him, Levit. 19.17. Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother in thine heart but reprove him. This comfortable kind of friendſhip is knowne beſt in adverſitie, Friendſhip beſt knowne in adverſitie.for as a true friend rejoyceth with his friend in proſperity, ſo he lamenteth with him in his adverſitie and beareth a part of his burden with him. Iobs friends came in adverſitie to viſit him and they ſate ſeven dayes by him and ſpake nothing, How a man is to behave himſelfe …, friend in the time of grieſe.for in the beginning of griefe it is moſt fitting for a friend to hold his peace and to expreſſe his compaſſion rather by teares than by ſpeech; And it is moſt probable that the Angell when he came to comfort Chriſt and to ſtrengthen him, Luk. 22.43. did rather comfort him by geſture than by ſpeech, by ſtanding by and aſſiſting him in a viſible ſhape, How the Angell did comfort Chriſt in his agony.weighing and conſidering with himſelfe the great griefe and agonie that was in Chriſts ſoule. And when Chriſt fell grovelling upon the ground, it is not unlikely that …e in companion fell downe upon the ground alſo. What is that which he acquired of his Diſciples in his ago…e? he deſireth not words of conſolation from them, but onelyonly that they would weigh and conſider with themſelves his great agony and griefe, What … Chriſt required of his Diſciples.and it grieved him that they could not watch with him in his great heavineſſe, yea … comfort unto him when he went a ſtones caſt farther from them, if they would watch & expreſſe their love to him by ſhaking off their drowfineſſe.
Whether … friends more neceſſary for us in our proſperity or in our adverſitie. Queſt.
Simply they are more neceſſary for us in our adverſitie, Anſw. At what time friends are … neceſſarie.but for more excellent uſes in proſperity: the baſeſt pa…s of the body are ſimply more neceſſary for our life, than our ſeeing or our hearing, for a man cannot live without them, but we may live without ſeeing or hearing, Simile. and yet ſeeing and hearing ſerve for more excellent uſes: ſo friends in neceſſity are more neceſſary ſimplie to maintaine our life, but for the comfortable life they are the more excellent object to be…ow things upon … …imes, and a brother … for adverſity, Pro. 17.17.
Imperfect friendſhip is that which is eyther grounded upon pleaſure or profit. Imperfect friendſhip what:And as theſe extractions of ſpiring which are drawn out by the Chymiſts, are more … and … the groſſer bodies out of which they are extracted; Simile. ſo the love which ariſeth of …ertue is more … pure than that love which ariſeth of pleaſure … proſin and theſe ſorts of friends are but friends by accident… friendſhip ariſe onelyonly of proſ… th… it is the moſt … of friendſhip, … we are … … amitis, for as we love not … for our bodies ſake to … them, ſo wh… we uſe our friends onelyonly for our profit, we uſe them but we injoy them not. Paul ſaid, I ſeeke not yours but you. Pro. 19.6. every man is a friend to him who giveth gifes; but this is no true friendſhip. Prov. 19.27. All the brethren of the poore do hate him, how much more doth his friends goe farre from him? But if the friendſhip be grounded upon ſinne, this is the worſt ground of all: ſuch was the friendſhip of Simcon and Leve, brethren in evill, and ſuch was the friendſhip of Herod and Pilat, Though hand joyne in hand yet the wicked ſhall not eſcape, Proverb.
This friendſhip which ariſeth of profit it is eaſily diſſolved, and to helpe this, Friendſhip grounded on profit is eaſily diſſolved.we are not to receive benefits of every man, but we are to conſider firſt for what end the gift is offered to us: for if a man offer a benefit to the intent that he may receive as much or more, then it is not a benefit, but rather a ſelling; as the Phariſes would bid their nighbours to dinner becauſe they knew they would invite them againe.
Againe, In amicitia honeſta menſura eſt dantis propoſitum.the benefitis not to be reckoned by the profit of him who receiveth it, but according to the mind of the giver; as the widdowes mite was more accepted than the large offerings of others. Hiram was to blame in this, when Salomon gave him twenty cities in the land of Galilee, he called them dirtie cities, 1 King. 9.13. hee meaſured not the gift here according to the mind of the giver.
The gifts which are given by friends are not like things ſold and bought, Gifts given by friends not like things bought and ſold.for the thing ſold dependeth chiefely upon the ſeller, but here the value and eſtimation dependeth upon the receiver; he ſhould not meaſure the gift by the profit that may redound to him by it, but by the affection of the giver.
That friendſhip which is onelyonly grounded upon pleaſure is not well grounded, Friendſhip grounded on pleaſure is not permanent.for our pleaſures for the moſt part are exceſſive as the Epicures friendſhip; Let us eate, let us drinke, for to morrow we ſhall die, 1 Cor. 15.32. here their friendſhip and joy continued not, it is but like the trackling of thornes under the pot, Eccleſ. 7.6. which is ſoone gone. But true friendſhip is grounded in the Lord, as Davids companions were theſe who feared God, Pſal. 119.63. ſuch a friend was Huſhai to David, 2 Sam. 15.37.
The way to keepe this friendſhip is, How to keepe true friendſhip.Pro. 25.16. Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbours houſe, leſt he be weary of thee and hate thee: Haſt thou found honey? eate ſo much as is ſufficient for thee, leſt thou be filled therewith and vomit it. Againe, let thy foote be rare in thy neighbours houſe; in the originall it is, pretious, for theſe things which are rare we hold them pretious, 1 Sam. 3.1. The Word of the Lord was pretious in thoſe daies, that is, it was rare. So Eſa. 13. a man ſhall be more pretious than gold, that is, more rare. And he uſeth a compariſon here, for as he that eateth ſparingly of honey it is comfortable to him and refreſheth him as it did Ionathan, but if hee eate much of it, Simile. it maketh him to ſurfet: ſo if a man come ſeldome to his friend, hee ſhall be welcome to him, but if hee come often to him, then hee becommeth weary of him.