The Practice of Repentance, Chapter 37
CAP. 37. Signes of Repentance in respect of ones selfe.
4. THe conuerted person will discouer the truth of his Repentance in sundry practices concerning himselfe.
1. He iudgeth himselfe, and will set vp a throne of iudgement in his soule, and proceede iudicially and vnpartially against himselfe, as in ordinary forme of triall of Malefactors.
1. The practice wee hauehave in the Church, Ezek. 36.31. when the Lord hath renewed his couenant with his people, and bestowed new hearts vponupon them, and put his spirit within them, and deliuered them from their filthinesse; then shall they remember their wicked wayes, & iudge themselues worthy to bee destroyed for their iniquities.
2. The fruit and vse of this selfe iudging, is, 1. To auoyde the Lords iudging of vsus. 1. Cor. 11.31. If wee would iudge our selues, &c. 2. To cleare the Lord in iudging vsus, whatsoeuer hee bring vponupon vsus for our sins. Psal. 51.4. That thou mayst bee cleare when thou iudgest. And wee conclude with the poore Theefe, Wee are righteously here.
3. The manner of processe in iudging himselfe, is in these things:
1. He will, as a Iudge, arraign himselfe before Gods iudgment seate, and summon himselfe before the great Iudge, and, with Noah, is strucke with a reuerent feare and trembling in sense of the iudgement, and yet this is by Faith.
2. He will indite and accuse himselfe, hee will cast the first stone at himselfe, hee will, as a Iudge on the bench, sift out and narrowly examine his sins in the most odious circumstances of them. This is the searching and fanning of our selues, and finding out what wee hauehave done. Zeph. 2.1. Search your selues: Search, oh Nation not worthy to be beloued. But who must do it? Verse 3. Seek the Lord in this manner all the meeke of the earth, which hauehave wrought his iudgement.
Euen such as hauehave repented must thus search and fan themselues. & the Church, Lam. 3.40. Let vsus try our waies, that is, lay our liues to GODS law, sift the secret corners of our hearts; as the Marriners in the tempest would find out by lot, for whose sake the storme was. The Church conuerted hath not done with the Law: but maketh vse of it for further conuiction and humiliation.
Now where is the man that doth thus narrowly and vnpartially sift himselfe, as the Kings Attourney sifteth out and aggrauateth eueryevery circumstance of the crime, and fact of the Traytor at the Bar, to make it as odious and hatefull as may bee? Wee may complaine as Ieremie, No man smiteth vponupon his thigh, no man saith, What hauehave I done? Many a man, like a desperate Bankrupt, is affraid to looke on his reckonings, and goeth on till he be clapt vp in prison.
3. Hee will confesse against himselfe, and plead guilty. This is the Couenant, He that confesseth and forsaketh his sin, shall finde mercy, Pro. 28.13. The hardned heart, Ier. 2.35. saith, Because I am guiltlesse, surely his wrath shall turne from me: but the answer is, Behold, I will enter into iudgement with thee, because thou sayest, I hauehave not sinned.
This is a speciall end why God maketh his own sicke in smiting them, yea, maketh their flesh to faile, and their bones to clatter in the skin, and draw them neare to the graue, and their life to the Buryers, and then looketh on a man, and if he say, I hauehave sinned, and peruerted right, and it did not profit mee; then will he deliuer his soule from the pit, and his life shall see the light, Iob 32.27.
Nay, not only a Rebell yet vnconuerted, shalbe brought to this: but Dauid himselfe, by his broken bones, and drying vp his moisture, shall roare all day long vnderunder the heauy hand of God, so long as hee will keepe close his sin. He must resolue …o confesse, and the Lord will r…mit the iniquitie of his sin. 2. Sam. 12.13.
Now this confession is of speciall sins: it summeth not vp all in a word, nor is in the mouth only, but in the heart; nor without faith apprehending mercy, nor without affection, but proceedeth out of hatred of sin, not without purpose of change and reformation.
4. He will read the sentence of death and condemnation against himselfe, and abhor himselfe in dust and ashes, as Iob 42. He is now a dead man in Law, condemned by the sentence of the Law; as a dead man the world hath cast him off, hee is no longer of the world.
5. Hee pleadeth now for pardon, and seeketh for mercy, as a condemned person would sue for life: euen as Benhadads seruants came with ropes about their necks, and most submissiuely sued for their liues.
2. He reneweth himselfe daily, and is changed into another man.
1. His person is changed: of a childe of hell and darknes, he is become a son of God, a son of the light; of a sty and habitation of foule lusts and spirits, he is become the habitation of the liuing God, 2. Cor. 6.16.
2. His powers and parts are changed. For,
1. Hee is renewed in the spirit of his minde, that now in the inner man he serueth the Law of God, & holdeth strife against the Law of the members.
Time was when hee regarded wickednesse in his heart, his wil was set vponupon euil works: but now he knoweth, if hee should do so, God would not hear him, Psal. 66.18. In all the faculties of his soule there is an embracing of righteousnesse.
2. His outward members are now weapons of righteousnesse, ready seruants for grace. As his heart and will are bended towards God: so his tongue and hand are quicke instruments to expresse the grace that is within.
3. His motions and actions are happily changed: He reuerseth all that hitherto hee hath done: he condemneth for nought all that is done before grace: he pulleth downe all old ruines, and setteth vp a new frame vponupon a new foundation, and leaueth not a stone vponupon a stone that was before. And indeed there can be no lesse in true Repentance, than a departure from euill, and an accesse vntounto good. Saul conuerted, will build vp as fast as euer hee plucked downe; and preach as zealously as euer he persecuted.
4. A great and remarkeable change is in his whole estate and condition. The change of all other in nature most sensible, is, the change from life to death: the same is here from the life of sin, to the death of sin. And is not this sensible?
2. What an happy and miraculous change is that, from death to life? as in the raysing of Lazarus; and of our bodies at the last.
Such is this happy change of the first Resurrection. My sonne was dead, saith the Father of the Prodigall, but is aliue. Ephes. 2. Yee that were dead in sins hath he quickned. Blessed and happy are they that hauehave part in the first Resurrection, Reuel. 20.5. that is, of soules, not of bodies, vntounto grace, not vntounto glorie.
3. What a remarkeable and blessed change is that after the resurrection, to ascend into heauen, and fit with Iesus Christ? But such a change is here: for the Beleeuer is not onelyonly risen with Christ, but ascended already, and sitteth now in heauenly places with him. We goe vp now after the Lord in cogitation, and conuersation; and by faith and hope, actually sit in our head in heauenly places: for looke what is the happy state of the head, is also the condition of the members; and faith maketh things absent, to be present.
Oh then, neuer be at rest till thou findest this happy change in thee; which is as euident as the shine of the sunne, to all eyes being awakened, so full of miracles, making the blind to see, the dumbe to speake, the deafe to heare, yea the dead to rise, to ascend and sit with Christ.
3 He strengtheneth himselfe against the assaults of sinnes, and lusts for time to come. 1. Ioh. 5.18. He that is born of God, keepeth himselfe. 1. Ioh. 3.3. He that hath this hope, &c.
1 With watchfulnesse against sinne; and here, first, he casteth a most vigilant eye vponupon those sins to which he hath beene most inclinable, and which hauehave bred him most smart. And
2 Knowing that nemo diu tutus periculo proximus, he watcheth against occasions, meanes, and first motions to sin, to auoid them: Sure he is that an assaulted City cannot long hold out, but by most carefull custody of their Watch: and therefore though sometimes he may nod, & sleepe, yet his heart waketh, Cant. 5.3.
2 He strengtheneth himselfe with a diligent care to prosper in grace, and grow daily to perfection. Phil. 3.12. Hee hath not yet attained, but striueth. To which end,
1 He listeneth heedfully to the silent and secret motions of the spirit, to cherish and foster them.
2 Hee waiteth vponupon the meanes and ministery, as Mary sitteth downe at the feet of Christ, with humility and constancy, as that gesture implyeth, and seeketh and apprehendeth all occasions of good.
3 He obserueth, and carefully vndertaketh good duties, to which he is directed, and indeauoureth to performe them in an holy manner, with cheerefulnesse and wisedome, and to a good end, sincerely ayming at Gods glory, and the saluation of himselfe and others. And as hee must needs thriue, who in a gainefull trade is diligent to apprehend all good opportunities: so in this gainfull trade of godlinesse, it is the diligent hand that maketh rich, and in eueryevery labour is abundance: whereas the idle person, quickly wasteth his stock, and commeth to nothing.
3 He strengtheneth himselfe with spirituall armour, and weapons of Gods making against temptations, assaults, persecutions, stormes, and all kinde of resistances: he knoweth the enemies are many, their malice restlesse, and inappeasable; and therfore he hath need to stand as the Iewes in building the wall of Ierusalem, with the trowell in the one hand, and the sword of the spirit in the other. And
2 Hauing had experience of the safety and strength in this armour of proofe, he is carefull to put it on, and keepe it on, being well assured that he cannot be hurt but onelyonly in the want or carelesse vse of it.
4 He prepareth himselfe by daily exercise of Repentance, for Christs appearing. Acts 17.31. God admonisheth eueryevery man to repent, because he hath appointed a day. And this exercise is in these things.
1 Hee looketh for his head, and in the meane time comforteth himself as a member, which must be of the same nature and qualities: if the head be a liuing, spirituall, holy, gratious head, so must the member. Our head admitteth no rotten gangrenous, and incurable member.
2 He feareth God, because of the great day of his wrath, which commeth, Reuel. 14.7. Being stricken with a reuerend feare, he shunneth eueryevery sinne, yea, eueryevery idle word whereof he must giuegive account.
3 He cleareth himselfe from sin daily; because as the day of death leaueth him, so that day of iudgement findeth him: he prepareth himselfe, by doing that daily, which he would be found doing on his dying day: his care is not onelyonly to bee found blamelesse, but wel-doing. Blessed is that seruant whom his Master …indeth so doing.
4 He getteth and keepeth a good conscience before God, and all men: thus he prepareth an Arke for himselfe to sit safe in. Well he knoweth that the sentence of the great Iudge at that day, shall concurre with the sentence of this little inward Iudge.
5 Because the sentence of that day shall be passed according to the soundnesse of faith, and fruits, his daily care is to get oyle into his lampe, and light of shining and sauing graces, and holy duties, which onelyonly admit him into the Bridegroome chamber. Thus he prepareth his reckoning daily, and fitteth his account, that he may giuegive it vp with ioy.
6 He longeth, and sigheth, and waiteth to put off all corruption of sinne and misery, and put on fulnesse of grace, ioy, and glory, Rom. 8.23. we sigh in our selues, 2. Cor 5.4. We sigh and are burdened to be cloathed vponupon: and louelove to remoue out of the body, and to dwell with the Lord, chap. 8.2. The Spirit saith come, and the Bride saith come, Reuel. 22.17. These are the true characters of sound Repentance, which eueryevery Beleeuer shall finde in himselfe in some comfortable measure.