The Practice of Repentance, Chapter 35
CAP. 35. Markes of Repentance, in respect God.
2 THe soule truely penitent, looking towards God, will bewray it selfe in the constant expression of three most gracious affections, mixt & wreathed together: all which waite inseparably on sound Repentance, as light and heat on fire; both which necessarily argue the presence of fire.
The first is louelove of God; the second, feare of God; the third, desire or prayer.
The first is a vehement and feruent louelove of God, vntounto which he findeth himselfe bound in many strong obligations: as, when he considereth how many sins are forgiuen him, he cannot chuse but louelove much: and that his reconciliation is made by the death of Iesus Christ, the Sonne of Gods louelove; through whom, as a Conduit pipe, all grace floweth into him: here is the strongest attractiue, and load-stone of louelove, that euer was. If great benefits and gifts, bee great binders, what is the greatest gift of all, the giuing of his Sonne to be a surety, and satisfaction for sinne?
2 When he considereth that the Lord should chuse him, so vile a creature, to such grace of life, not onelyonly remouing infinite euils, but in conferring so many mercies, as are beyond all his thoughts: not onelyonly redeeming him by his Sonne, but gouerning him by his spirit, teaching him by his word, and lading him with blessings daily: and this he should doe to him, passing by so many millions of men yet in their sins, eueryevery one as good in their nature as he: That hee should make his habitation in Goshen light, when all Egypt sitteth in darkenesse: That his fleece alone, as Gideons, should bee watered with the dew of blessing, and so many earthly men round about him dry and destitute of grace; Oh what a vehement louelove will all this raise in the heart of a conuerted man?
3 When he considereth how the Lord hath heard his prayer in his tribulation, and answered him both in giuing, and forgiuing, and turned his sorrowfull seed time, into a full haruest of ioy: deliuered his eyes from teares, his soule from death, his feet from falling; filled his soule with consolations of God, peace of heart, and ioy of the holy Ghost, vnspeakable and glorious: oh how will this, as bellowes, blow vp a bright flame of holy and feruent louelove vntounto God for his goodnesse? Psal. 116.1. This heart will not suffer such blessings to raine as vponupon the sands which are vnfruitfull, but will be deuising how to returne louelove for louelove: and in this returne, nothing shall be thought too good for God. As he hath receiued Gods best blessings, so he will returne of the best: as hee hath receiued liberally from God, he will returne liberally vntounto God, 2. Sam. 24. Dauid will not offer to the Lord, of that which cost him nothing. Israel deliuered from sea, will offer their eare rings & Iewels to the Tabernacle, Exod 30.
The worldling, as a beast, drinketh of the brooke, thinketh not of the spring; but the conuert, drinking of these sweet waters of consolations, riseth vp to the wel-spring and head of them with louelove, and praises.
The second holy affection toward God, is a child-like feare and awe of God. I say childe-like, because it is twisted with louelove, and issueth from it. Hee seeth,
1 How contrary he hath beene to the pure and holy nature of God: how contrary to his image and grace: how contrary in his will to the righteous will and pleasure of God. Fire and water, light and darkenesse, were not more contrary: nay, he findeth still a restance in himselfe, a rebellion, a law of members relucting against the law of his minde, and hath great reason to feare his own impotency, and inclination to be led aside by the slyenesse and deceitfulnesse of sinne.
2 He seeth more need of Gods fauour, than life it selfe; and how hardly, but happily, he hath attained it: and now no maruell if his chief care be to retaine it. He feareth now to forfeit or cloud the beames of this happy sunne. Psal. 89. He resolueth against whatsoeuer may offend God, might he gaine a world by it. Ioseph might hauehave gained fauour, pleasure, wealth, by yeelding to his Mistresse; But can I, saith he, doe this and sin against God?
The third affection towards God, is desire, and breathing out continuall and strong cryes for grace against corruption; for the Lord giueth not onelyonly grace asked, but grace to aske. A man truely conuerted, retaineth still godly sorrow, and continuall prickings of heart; as holy Paul was euer complaining of himselfe after his calling, for former sins, and present corruptions; and hereby discerneth that the greatest happinesse, standeth in pardon of sinne; and that in this world it can neuer get farre enough into this happinesse; it can neuer get sense and assurance enough of the pardon of sinne, and therefore cryeth importunately after the sense of the ioy of his saluation, Psal. 51.
2 He seeth the deepe dye of his sins, and how hardly he parteth with his spots, and so groweth instant, almost endlesse, in his petitions and repetitions, that God would stil wash him, cleanse him, purge him with Isope, and make him whiter than snow: he knoweth none in heauen or earth, is able to purge him, but God alone. This fountain is neither Arbanah, nor Pharphar, riuers of Damascus, nor Iordan, nor out of any other Cisterne, than the fountaine of liuing water: for as Creation belongeth onelyonly to God, so doth redemption, iustification, and remission of sins, and sanctification by the bloud of Christ, and spirit of God.
3 He seeth the strong sinewes of sinne yet in himselfe, & what an heart of Oake it hath within him: how little he profiteth by his stri…e against it: how sinne repented, returneth, and recoyleth vponupon him, as the vncleane spirit cast out, returneth againe. And hence is he earnest in daily prayer, for daily strength, for that spirit of grace, and strength to take his part, that he may find the power of sinne shaken and weakened in him, and hee carry victory against them: thus in sense of smart, steynes, strength of sinne, neuer did a starued beggar more importunately desire reliefe, nor a condemned man, a pardon, than hee doth further sense of mercy, grace, & strength, and is restlesse till he hauehave gotten them in good measure.