The Pilgrims Profession, Part

The Pilgrims Profession · Part

p. 125THIS gracious Her birth.Woman was for birth a gentle woman descended, but of Popish p. 126Parents, who dying in her infancie, shee was committed vntounto the tuition of an old Lady, honourable Popish education.for her place, but a strong Papist, who nousled, and misled this Orphane in Popery, till shee came about foureteene yeares of age; at which time this Lady dyed. VponUpon which occasion, God (having a mercifull p. 127purpose towards her Conversion) by his good providence brought her to the service of that Religious and truely honourable Lady, the Countesse of Leicester, who enterteyned her with more then ordinary respect, both because of her yong yeares, as also because shee was allyed to Sir Christopher p. 128Blunt, then husband to the Honourable Countesse; at whose request his Lady had taken her into her care.

To this honourable Countesse shee came a most zelous Papist, and resolute, as soone as possibly shee could apprehend a fit opportunitie, to convey her selfe beyond the Seas, and become a p. 129Nunne; for shee then thought that that was the surest and likeliest way to get Heaven: which as she had an earnest desire to attaine, so would she take the nearest way which she thought would bring her thither. But she could not so closely carry her secret devotions and intentions, but that by the carefull eye p. 130of her Honourable Lady, they were This religious care of the honourable Countesse, as shee did all her life thankefully acknowledge it, so is it very observable both for the high commendation of her honor, and for the imitation of others of her honourable ranke.soone discovered, and not sooner discovered then wisely prevented; for presently her Lady tooke from her all her Popish Bookes, and Beads, Images, and all such trumpery, and set a narrow watch over her, that she might be kept from her Popish Prayers, and p. 131not absent her selfe from the daily prayers of the Familie, which were religiously observed: further, requiring her to reade those Prayers that her Honor daily vsed to hauehave in her private chamber with her women.

Her Ladiship also carefully prevented her from her Popish company and counsell p. 132by word or writing, for neither might shee write nor receiue any letter without the view and consent of her Honor.

She also constrained her to be countable for the Sermons which shee …rd in the house, which were constan…y two every Sabboth day, (for the encrease of the p. 133sound knowledge of God, which is the onelyonly Hammer of Popery). And hereby she in short time obtained great abilitie to communicate to others the substance of those Sermons which she heard, the rather because it was constantly observed by all the women in that honourable Familie, to come together p. 134after the last Sermon, and make repetition of both.

And this she did as yet for feare, but still with this reservation, that shee would keepe her heart for Popery; and trusted that God would be mercifull vntounto her (as Naaman) in this which she did onelyonly through feare & constraint. But God p. 135(who in his owne time worketh in his owne meanes) began to worke in her first a staggering in her old way; For, when she saw the holy conversation of that Reverend Preacher, M^r I. W. who was then Chaplin to the Countesse; shee began to perswade her selfe, that surely this mans godlines must needs p. 136bring him to Heaven. And then the reverend respect of the man made her begin to giuegive some better eare to his Doctrine, to examine his proofes, and to reverence his Ministry; whereby in short time, it pleased God that she was wonne to beleeue Her new birth.the Truth, and renounce her former superstition & p. 137ignorance. And, as it is the property of a true Convert, being Iohn 1. 45.John 1:45converted her selfe shee endeuoured the conversion of others and was a great helpe and furtherance to the publique Ministery that way; For this was a thing which that honourable Familie tooke speciall knowledge of; and there were many p. 138that had great cause to blesse God for her in that respect.

Now presently Satan (that Dragon Rev. 12.Rev 12that watcheth to devoure every manchilde which shall be borne vntounto God) begins to rage, and reach at her with strong and violent temptations: and first he terrified her Her long and strong temptations.in that she had sinned the sin against p. 139the holy Ghost; for she had played the deepe dissembler; and being in heart a Papist, yet joyned with the Protestāts whom she held for Heretickes, and all this against her knowledge & consciēce, and so fiercely and incessantly he followed this temptation, as that she was perswaded it was impossible that p. 140ever this sin should, or could be pardoned. And this temptation was pointed and sharpned with that dreadfull and foule suggestion of selfe murder, as if the remedy of the sin against the holy Ghost, were to destroy ones selfe. While she was thus long tossed & tumbled in these warres and billowes of Satanicall p. 141suggestions, wherein she was so low cast & deiected (still concealing her griefe) as she almost despayred of recovery; It pleased God to direct that Reverend Preacher (who was her Father in Christ, and whom shee ever after embraced with the most entyre louelove of the most naturall Childe) to p. 142entreat of this sin; and to shew what it was, & by whom, and in what maner it was committed. To which Doctrine she diligently harkning, and by examination of it, and her selfe, finding that she had not so sinned after illumination, nor with obstinate malice against God or his truth (which when p. 143she was most superstitiously devoted, she desired to finde out) it pleased God to quiet her minde for that; and so led her over that temptation.

But Satan that departed from our head, Iesus Christ, onelyonly for a season, was not long away from the molestation of this his member, but returned p. 144and brought seaven worse spirits (were it possible) then before, and now his name may be Legion; for now he would confound and oppresse her with multitudes of blasphemous thoughts, and doubts. Now must she beleeue there is no God: That the Scriptures are not his word, but a Pollicie: or if it were p. 145his word, who must interpret it, or how could she a silly woman get the vnderstanding of such deepe, mysteries as are contained in the same. Besides, as she was of mind that she was gotten out of one errour, so she knew nothing but that she was misled into another; for, how could she be sure that this was p. 146the truth which she now professed, seeing there are as many or more learned men of the one opinion as of the other, & all of them maintaine their opinions by the Scriptures. Thus was she vexe… and exercised wit… Armies of roavin… and vnsetled conceits for fiue or six… yeares together, til… God (whō she ofte… p. 147sollicited for direction and assistance in the Cōbat) brought her to this resolution, that she would hold these conclusions, whatsoever disputes Satan might weary her withall. That there was not onelyonly a God in himselfe, but a God that was her God: and whatsoever opinions there were in the world, that p. 148there was but one Truth, and that was to be learned out of the Scriptures; and though there were much in the Bible which she did not vnderstand, yet she was perswaded, that if she would diligently reade and search the Scriptures, with earnest Prayer to God for a good vnderstāding in them, she should p. 149attain thence a measure of knowledge, sufficient to bring her to heaven; and holding strongly these groundes, she found the temptations wast away by degrees, and her selfe daily more strongly setled vponupon the foundation.

Neither was she onelyonly by the grace of God a Conquerour in these temptations, p. 150but I may say with the Apostle, in a maner more then a Conquerour by them; for, God (who bringeth light out of darknes) made these temptations a sweet seasoning of her whole life. By occasion of which, she tyed her selfe to a strict course of godlinesse, and a constant practise of Christian Duties, p. 151which she religiously observed, even till her dying day.

For first, that she Her religious life.might bee stablished in the Truth, and confirmed against those former waverings & weaknesses, she vowed that God assisting her, she would every yeare read over the whole Bible in Extraordinary diligence in the Scriptures.an ordinary course, which course she p. 152constantly observed for the space of fifteene yeares together, beginning her taske vponupon her birth day, and reading every day so many Chapters as to bring it about iust with the yeare. By which exercise she gayned a great encrease of knowledge, and no lesse strengthening of her faith; for she did not read carelesly p. 153or negligētly, but alwaies kept a note of what places she did not vnderstand, and would still be enquiring the meaning of them, as she met either with Ministers, or such as she thought were able to enforme her in the same. And her custome was ever before she opened her Bible, to send vp a short prayer p. 154vntounto God, for the opēing of her blind eyes, to the vnderstanding of those sacred mysteries, that so they might be as a Lanterne to guide her feet in the waies of holines, vntill she had attained her desired happinesse.

And not herewith contented; as a good Mary she pondered the word of God in her heart, for by her p. 155great industry in the Scriptures, she had gotten by heart many select Chapters, and speciall Psalmes; and of every Booke of the Scripture one choyse verse: all w^ch she weekly repeated in an order which she propounded to her selfe; and being asked why she was so laborious in getting and reteyning those Scriptures in p. 156memory? Her answer was, that she knew not what dayes of tryall, or persecution might come, wherein she might be deprived of her Bible, and other good books & helpes; but so much of the Scriptures as she could get into her heart, she knew no Tyrants or Enemies could bereaue or rob her of. (God p. 157make thee that readest, & me that writeth this, so Christianly provident, as in these dayes of plentie to lay vp somewhat for the daies of straitnes & famine). Secondly, from that Her instāce in her private Prayers.time of her trouble she resolved vpō Daniels practise, wherin she was also constāt, namely, besides the family duties, which were twise a day p. 158performed by the Chaplin in that Religious house in w^ch she lived till within one yeare of her death; And besides the private Prayers that she daily read in her Ladies Bedchamber, she was thrice every day on her knees before God in secret, like a true worshipper whose delight was to be in Gods presence. p. 159By meanes of which daily exercise, besides all other comfortable fruits, she attained a singular sweet gift in prayer, whereby she could both strongly wrastle and happily prevaile with God, whose grace suffreth himselfe to be overcome wi…h the prayers of his weake servants.

And because she p. 160knew that religious Her frequent fasting.fasting is the whetstone of Prayer, she tyed her selfe to set apart six dayes in every yeare, wherein she was extraordinarily humbled in fasting and prayer, for her owne sins, and the sins of the times. At all which times she was in speciall manner earnest with the Lord, that he would be p. 161pleased further to reveale vntounto her his whole Truth, needfull for her salvatiō, & keepe her constāt in the obedience therof vntounto the end.

And because she knew that the right and worthy Receiving of the Sacraments affordeth a Christian speciall strēgth, & much stabilitie in the course of godlines: as she p. 162diligētly apprehended that comfort when she could cōveniently receiue that Sacrament; so for many yeares she had laid a band vpō her selfe, never to receiue it, but the day before to fit, and examine her selfe seriously, deeply humbling her selfe before the Lord in fasting and prayer all the day long.

p. 163Thirdly, the trouble The tendernesse of her conscience.of her Conscience, made her ever of a very tender cōscience: fearefull she was of offending God and her owne Conscience; & watched her selfe narrowly; and to keepe her selfe in awe; for the space of 5 yeares before her death, she kept a Catalogue of her daily slips, and set downe euen the p. 164naughtie thoughts which she observed in her selfe, that one day in every weeke she might extraordinarily humble her selfe for all the faylings of that weeke, and this with such moderat abstinence as might best fit her weake body to hūble & servent prayer. And all these private religious duties, she performed so secretly, p. 165that none but her bosom friend knew of their performāce. As she was thus fearful of sins present, & to come, so her conscience was tender in respect of sins past as may appeare by this memorable instance. Whilest she was a child bred vp in the chāber of that old Lady, she was entised by leud servāts who fed her with p. 166figs, and other such toyes, fit to please children withall, to steale money out of the Ladies Cabinet which often stood open in her Chamber, and which they knew she had the fittest opportunitie to doe of all other: whervnto her childishnes giuing way she found it not missed, & so continued it for seaven yeares p. 167or ther abouts without any great check of Conscience. But when the light of God came in and made a privy search in the heart; and made her able to take her selfe with the fact; now she was ashamed and confounded in her selfe, and her stirred conscience gaue her no rest, nor could she conceiue any p. 168hope of quiet, because she saw, she had done that w^ch she could no way vndoe. If she looked at the sum of money taken & given away, she conceived that by continuing in that course seven yeares together, she might hauehave wronged that Lady thirtie or fortie pound. If she thought of restitution, she was no p. 169way able. Thus she carried the burden of this sinne a long time, easing it aswell as she could with a resolute purpose, if ever God pleased to make her able, to make restitution to the heires of the deceased Lady. And accordingly so she did. For when that honourable, and bountifull Lady, whom she so long served, p. 170gaue her a large portion when she bestowed her in marriage, she forth with made choyse of a Reverend Minister, whom she employed therein (enioyning him secrecie) and because shee would be sure to make full restitution, she delivered him 60. pounds, to tender vntounto this Ladies heire, as from a p. 171conceiled servant of the Ladies, who had vniustly taken it away from her. And when the Gentleman returned ten pounds of it backe againe, such was the tendernesse of her Conscience, that she would receiue non of it to her owne vse; but gaue it away to poore and pious persons and vses. And this childish p. 172errour God turned to her good; for in all the 22. yeares of her service vntounto that honourable Lady, she never durst make vse of any thing that was vnderunder her charge, were it small or great but set it downe in writing, and once eueryevery yeare did make it good, either in the kinde, or in some other thing which p. 173she bought for her Ladiships vse.

Fourthly. The Her charitable disposition.sence of her owne weaknesses & wants made her of a pittifull, and charitable disposition towards the wants, and miseries of others. She had ever a large heart to the poore, especially the godly poore; she never did see or heare of any that were in want, p. 174but her heart did mourne if she had not to relieue them, neither was her hand shut, for she did yearely lay aside a portion of money to the vttermost of her ability (if not beyond) for their releefe. Thus she lived holily, happily, and desiredly. Neyther could so gracious a life be shut vp but by an answerable, p. 175that is, an happie death and dissolution, whereof I will adde but a few words, and so leaue her to her happines till we meete happily againe.

True it is that the Her lingring sicknes.life of a Christian should be a continuall meditation of death, as it is a continuall motion to death: and such was the latter part especially p. 176of the life of this Christian woman, who was of weake & sickly constitutiō many yeares before her death, which made her so much the more prepared for her last combate & sicknes, which lasted tenne weeks; in all which time she certeynly apprehended & expected her dissolution, it being the principall, p. 177& almost only subiect of her discourse, six moneths before it came. But thirtie dayes before her departure, she finding her paynes encreasing, & growing very sharpe and tedious, she spent an houres talke with me concerning her desire for the things of this life; and having sayd what she purposed, she thus p. 178cōcluded her speech. Now sweet Heart, no more words betweene you and me of any worldly thing, onelyonly let me earnestly request, & charge you, that as you see my weaknesse encrease, you will not fayle to assist me, & call on me to follow the Lord wi…h prayer and patience; For, now I know, that Satan p. 179will shew all his malice, because his time is but short against me, & he will easily espy my weaknes, and make his advantage of it, and therefore now especially helpe me with your counsell, comfort and prayers.

In all the time of her sicknes, our gracious God who as a fast friend standeth closest to his servāts p. 180when they hauehave most need of him, shewed his gracious presence with her, as in all other comfortable supplies answerable to that depth of distresse, so especially in hearing and answering her prayers, and desires of her heart.

There were foure Foure requests espe…ially shee made to God in her sicknesse, and heard …n them all.requests which we observed she especially preferred vntounto p. 181God in her sicknes, and in none of them was denyed.

The first, that she Imight be armed w^th strength against Satans assaults, which she expected would be fierce & frequent; from whō she was mercifully freed; for onelyonly three dayes before her death, she began to be deiected in the sence of her owne dulnes, p. 182and thereby began to call in question Gods louelove towards her, & the truth of Gods grace in her; for said she, were I the Lords, why shuld not I lift vp my head now, seing the time of my dissolution draweth on so nere? But these cōplaints cōtinued not aboue six houres, but she had much chearfulnes and comfort againe, p. 183which she expressed, both in earnest and excellent prayers, (wherin her gift was more then ordinary for her sex) as also in many chearful thanks and prayses to God for his great mercy, for that he had now so chayned Satan at this time of her great weaknes, that having bin formerly molested, and daily p. 184vexed with his assaults, for the space of aboue six yeares together, now he would not suffer him to rest on her with his malice aboue six houres

Her second request IIwas, that the Lord would strengthen her with patience to endure all her paines to the end; & herein she was as graciously heard as p. 185in the former, for although she was full of paynes, & assaulted w^th many strong fits, in which no part was exempt from deadly paines, & every of these fits of many houres continuance, yet was she never heard to vtter any word of impatience in her selfe, or discontent to any that were about her, and much lesse p. 186to charge God foolishly, in whose hands she was as the clay in the hand of the Potter.

Her third request IIIto God was, that she might in all her sorrowes be still supported with some sence of his louelove; and with the assurance of the pardon of all her sins. And that God was comfortably found of p. 187her in this request, was very apparant in her ioyfull expectation of death; the time whereof she truely fortold fiue daies before it cames and as this time approched her joy encreased; so as she was able …o comfort her mournfull husband & friends saying; Mourne not for me, but for your selues, for I shall very p. 188shortly be more happy then the wishes of your hearts can make me, and therfore cease your mourning, and help me thither by your Prayers as fast as you can.

Her fourth request IVwas, that she might hauehave her memory continued vntounto the last, that so by no idle, or light speech, she might dishonor p. 189God, or bring scandall on her profession; for she sayd, If I through payne, or want of sleepe (w^ch she much wanted) should hauehave any foolish, or idle talke, I know what the speech of the world vseth to be; This is the end of all your precise folke, they die madde, or not themselues, &c.

And as she prayed, p. 190God gaue her her memory to the last gaspe, that she dyed praying; for a little Her happie Departure.before her Departure, she called vsus that were about her and hasted to Prayer, for now (said she) I shall be gone presētly: (which words wee then beleeued not) but Prayer being ended, she sayd with more strength then she had spoken p. 191any thing foure houres before; Amen, Amen. Into thy hands O Lord I commend my spirit. Lord Iesus hauehave mercy on me, & receiue my soule. And thus with her last breath and words, her soule was carried into Abrahams bosome in the Heavens, to w^ch her eyes and hands were lifted. This was the life & death p. 192of this sweet Saint, as it was observed, and now faithfully witnessed by her mournfull husband, who wisheth both his life and latter end like vntounto hers.

FINIS.

End of the text · Thomas Taylor, The Pilgrims Profession (1622)