The Theater of the Popes Monarchy, Part 8
Of Popishe Chanons, their offices, and abuses.
Stuperius.
THE Chanons are iolly fellowes I promise you, beeyng all eyther gentlemen at the leaste, or els descended of some noble blood,Popish chanōs what they bee, and their office. race, or parentage. In the olde time, this roome was reserued for the poore, and such as were godlye, learned and vertuons menne. But in the ende Gentlemen and other fatte cubbes, seeing the great wealth, ease, credite, and promotion that they were in, and with all their dainty fare & ydle life, began to thrust forth the poore men and to intrude themselues. So that now they are nothing in effect,Chanons swa… mes of lubberly gentlemen. but swarmes of luberly Gentlemen, and riche chops, lyuing in idlenes, gluttonie, and all kynde of ryotous excesse.
Phile.
What is their attyre and office?
Stupe.
They vse too weare aboute their shoulders fine skins of hayre, and rich furres hanging downe to the skirts of their garmēts, a goodly sight (forsoth) and well beseemingg such persons.Note the hypocrisie of these deceyuers. And sometimes they goe in blacke mantles (if it please theyr humours) as thoughe they mourned for some notable matter: But Sub veste lugubri latitat …r amoenum. That is to say, VnderUnder a mourning weede, lurketh many a pleasant and mery hearte. Their office is, nowe and then too resorte too the churche, attyred in theyr lynnen whyte garments, in theyr cowles, or els in their foxe skinne hoods wyth tayles hanging downe to the grounde.Foxes attyred lyke Foxes. Where being assembled, they hauehave naught to do els, but to sing, and chaunte vppe their Canonicall houres, neyther they them selues, nor others, vnderstandyng what they saye. And least these porkyshe hogges shoulde take too muche paynes or strayne theyr throates ouer wyde,Quire men the chanons lurdens. they hauehave gotte a sorte of Lurdens, too Sing, Chaunte, and Rowle it vppe for them, and these they call Quyre menne. For money these fellowes wyll ryng it vppe in deede, and in shorte space dyspatch you ye seuen houres, and al. And no maruayle, for from the tyme they begin tyl the time they hauehave made an end, they neuer cease, but rowle it ouer (like as the waues of the Sea doe vse to tumble one ouer another) as fast as euer they cā galloppe. And whilest they bee at their singing, there is such striuing who shal go the highest, with such quauering and shiuering,Hogs striuing one too excell another in grunting. such boing and roaring, that (if thou heardest them) thou wouldst eyther thinke them mad, and ready to go to Bethleem, or els that they stroue for some wager. By meanes of which quyer men,A great griefe for poore chanons to sit so long. the Chanōs themselues are discharged from great burthens, & payns: so that they neede to doe nothing, but only to sit by, as hearers of this melodious harmony. And oftētimes they seem weary of that too, and therefore strayne they curtesie, and without saying, much good doe it you, they depart before the play be ended. This is all the toyle and trauell which these men (poore soules) do take,Chanons their estimation & reward for doing nothing & for the which they hauehave great giftes giuen them, fayre houses buylte them, and are of al men called Rabbi, Sir, Maister, worshipful, and I cannot tell what els. At home they keepe great hospitality: but what is he that fareth the better for it: The Diuell, and theyr fat paunches.Gluttony of Chanons. And thus they liue in al kynd of pleasure, gluttony, and e…esse worse then euer did the heathen. And for theyr pleasures (least melancholy and studye together, might macera…e their bodyes) they keepe parrattes, Apes, Munkies, Hawkes,The fooleries and bableries of Chanons. Hounds, and what not els, to delighte them withall. And thus they delighte in sinne, and take pleasure in iniquitie, and I feare me will so contynue stil, till their mouthes be ful of clay, and their breasts ful of grauell. Hitherto, briefly of popish Chanons, their offyces and abuses.
Philemon.
What other degrees bee there? I hauehave heard of a certaine sort of Curtesanes belonging to the popes Church, I praye you what bee they?