The Theater of the Popes Monarchy, Part 2 – Part 5
Of popish Bishops their office, superstition and pride.
Philemon.
VVHat manner of Bishops hath the Pope, for I am sure they are not the leaste pillers of this his whoorish and Adulterous Church?
Stupe.
Such as his Cardinals are, such are his Bishoppes,The maner of the Popes Byshops. sauing that they carry not such a great port, and statelye sway as the other doe: els they are like them in all kynd of wickednesse. Fyrste of all, they take vponupon them names, and tytles proper to kings, princes & Lords. They be stowt,The proude humors of the Bishoppes of Rome. proud and disdainefull, looking not onelyonly for capp and knee of euerye man, but euen for kneeling and crowchyng downe to the ground. They hauehave great Bishoprickes worth by estymation two or three thousand pounds by yeere, wherto belong both castles & towers, wy…h cities, countries, and townes. They hauehave also the rule & gouernment of Abbies, granges, nunneries, priories, personages, vicarages, & all other kynd of Ecclesiasticall benefices & spirituall promotions wherof they feed thēselues (for chāge of pasture is good for thē) wt the daintiest morsels.The fat morsels of Romish Bishops. Being thus furnished with abundance of all things, commonly they lye in some strōg castle, sytuat in a solitary place, wher they preach as strawberies vse to grow,VVhere the romish bishops lye. that is once a yere, nay happily not once in 7. yeres. And to say truth, as they say, it needeth not,Blynking Syr Iohns, for they hauehave their blincking Syr Iohns, their begging Friers, Monks, & cloysterers that do it for thē. These blind buzzards,Friers &c. the popes spanyels. and Assye peisants being sent forth by their Bishops, set abroach with all their might, the popes decrees, ceremonies, & orders: in the meane time not forgetting to declaim against heretikes, that is against such as put their confidence and trust in Christ Iesus alone, & his sacred trueth.The papystes take … greate heed least they preach anye truth. But aboue all things, they take greate care least anye of them might at vnawares preach any truth out of the woord of God, for that were Heresie to God, and treason to the Popes person. For if they shoulde preache the trueth (beeing sworne to maintaine the pope against Christ Iesus,Oh damnable othe. & his woord) then might they be attainted of periury, and besides accused of heresie. Thus neither Bishoppe, nor prelate sworne to the pope,None of the papistes dare preach Christ Iesus aryght. dares preach Christ Iesus aright: for that were too destroye theyr proude Antichristian kingdom, which consisteth only of lies, falshood, murther, treason, vsurpatiō, & rebellion. Insomuch that a good bishop of Coleyne seing what wickednes vnderunder the visard and pretence of of godlines was daily cōmitted:The example of the bishopp of Coleyn, who rather forsooke hys Bishoprick thē to dyshonour Christ Iesus, as the papistes did. begā to discouer & lay opē their impieties, blasphemies & trecheries: but he was resisted of al, eueryevery barking frier whetted his pē against him, & like serpētine vipers stūg him euē to the death. Wel, report hereof cōming to Rome, ye pope assēbled a coū cel, & cited this good old father to appere before him. Who seeyng their wycked intentions against him, gaue ouer his bishopricke, rather choosing wythout it, to preach Christ Iesus truly, then wyth it to dishonour him eueryevery waye, as they did. These blockheaded popish byshops, as blinde as blynd bayardes,The Papistes say preaching is not necessary. thinke, yea and shame not say that preaching is not necessary, and that the people doe learne more by their dumb ceremonies, imageries, and other bableries, then they do by hearing the word of God preached. And indeede I think no lesse, for whereas by the worde of God preached they learne the way to saluation,By hearinge the worde of God preached men learn the pathwaye too heauen, by papistry the path way to hell. and life eternal, by imageries and other popish ceremonies, they learn the pathway to hell, and euerlasting damnation. And therefore they learn more by the one, than by the other. But more what? more wickednesse and sin. But notwithstanding their seldome preaching, yet when they doe preache, it shalbe commonly vponupon some popish holiday, or festiual day of their own inuention, which is alwayes of greater estimation amōgst them, then the Lords day, to wit, the Sabboth day is. In this their Pope holy day, what Idolatrye is committed, what superstition is practysed, and what grosse blasphemies,Idolatry committed vppon popish holydayes. & filthy absurdities are permitted, and exercised of them, it is almost vnspeakeable. Then, euen then, is there such censing, and singing, such masking and rynging, such chaunting, and roaryng, in the quyre, wyth Orgayns playing, and musicke soundyng, that thou wouldest rather thynke it a Satyricall stage playe of fooles consecrated to the Diuel, than a sober seruice of wisemen instituted to G…d.
Phile
How be the bishops attired in these solemn holy daies, & how do they behaue themselues amōgest the rest in this goodly stately Pageant of theyrs?
Stupe.
The Bishoppes are attyred with 14. sundry fortes of garments vpō their backes at once,The ridiculous attyre of Popish bishops vponupon holidayes. without the which, they cānot sacrifice, nor (maske) I shuld say masse well. And some hauehave fifteene seueral kinds of garments, besides their pall, which maketh sixteene. First of al, he puts on his sandalles eythes of silke or veluet, his amias & his albe as white as snow, hanging down to his shoe. About his loynes he gyrdeth himself with a gyrdle of silke. About his neck is there a stoale, wrought for the greatest part of very good silk:This is dogin. which hauing a crosse ouerlaid vppon it, is ou…vnderneath hys gyrdle, & so buckled to him. Thē he putteth on his tunicle of purple colour, and▪ ouer that, his Dalmatike, a short sleeued garment: next …e pulles on his sweete gloues vponupon his delicate hands,That is pat. his fingers being thwacke with rings, precious stones. The ouer al these, he puts …n his cope, with crosses thereon both behind and before: he hath also his braue wrought napkins & hādkerchers, bedecked with gold & siluer roūd about. Thē hath he his pall of a wonderful price,That is worth the wearyng then cō passing in his porkishe necke. His hood with a strange deuised knotte, hangeth behynd his necke in the middest of hys backe. Next after this comes in his forked myter, with 2. labels (I had almost said babels) hanging downe beset round about wt gold, siluer & pretious stones. Last of al, he takes his crosiare staffe in his hand, bedecke with golde, siluer, and castly i…wels. And in this playerly manner doth this hystrionical bishop play his part amongst the rest,The popyshe byshops like so players. making the tēple of the Lord a stage or theater, thēselues players, and the people starke fooles in beholding their fooleries.
Phil.
What doth the bishop, when he is thus apparrelled?
Stupe.
He marcheth towardes the altar as fast as hee can trudge: which is but very softly, for the burthen of cloths, not only almost waigh him to the groūd but also welneere take away his breath. And being come to the high (halter) altar I should say, marke his straunge … stures, & thou wilt wōder. For first of al, (besides the shuffling of priestes, and clearks,The Byshops gestures at the high altar. to & fro like swarmes of bees) ye his… as…ing vp the which of his eyes towards heauen▪ as though hee would… sain… straight waye, mumbleth to himself, certaine charmes or exorcisnies (I think) which neither hee nor anye of the rest▪ vnderstande.The byshop coniures. This done, hee putteth off his myter from hys head, where one is … at hande to receyue it, to keepe it, and to putte it on and off, as occasion shall serue.Variety is pleasant. One whyle he standes, another whyle he sittes, sometyme he trippeth, on thys side of the Altare, sometimes vppon that. Nowe he kysseth the Altare here,Insteed of hys lemman. now there, nowe the Chalice, nowe the Paxe, nowe the Booke, nowe one thing, then an other. Then hauing fisked in thys sort about the altare ynough, at the last he comes to the myddest or Centre of the same, and there hee maketh an ende of hys playe. Sometime he standeth hanging downe the head,The bishop in a brown study as though he were in a browne study, mumbling to him selfe no manne knoweth what.
Sometime he ioyneth both his hands together vponupon the Altar,The lifting vp of the byshop… hands. somtime he lifteth them vp towards heauen, sometime he spreaddeth them towards the North, sometime towards the South, somtime towards the east, & somtime towards the west. One while he pattereth & blesseth, an other while he crosseth and censeth, fearing belike lest any saucy spirit, shuld come neere to deface his doings. Uppon the otherside his ministers are readye to lay cushiōs of silk,For flesh vponupon his backe hee hath none and therefore hath need of cushyons. or cloth of gold vnderunder his elbowes to lean vponupon, vnderunder his buttoc as to sit vppon, & vnderunder his feete too stand vponupon. After these things thus set in order, the bishop calleth for frankencēse, censors, sweet odours, candles, crosses, banners, & the like trumpery, which being brought, then falleth he to kissing & smearing the altar, & altar stone, as a soueraigne thing. Besides one standeth behind the bishop to see ye nothing be wanting, holding vppe the patin inclosed in silke. Thus al thinges ended, the bishop eateth, and drynketh vppe all himselfe, not giuing anye parte to anye present. Which done the Satyre or Pageant, is perfected and ended.The papistes delude the world wyth gewgawes. Now seest thou with what gewgawes, these beetle headed papistes, doe delude the worlde, and dazle the eyes of the simple.
Besides this, there are some of these bishoppes, that will not blushe too hauehave a swoorde carryed before them, and placed vppon the holye Altare,A sword carried before popish bishops to the high altar, and why. too the ende that menne maye knowe theyr magnyficall power, and so both feare, and reuerence them the more. Thus they will bee both kinges, and priestes themselues alone, whether God wyll or not. Othersome there are, that will not take this paines vppon them, but couet rather too bee conuersaunt in Kynges Courtes, hoping thereby to attaine too greater promotion,Byshops conuersant in kinges courts. then by poring vponupon a booke, and preaching of Christ Iesus. Where, by that time, that they hauehave bin a while, they fead humours so excellently, & are so skilfull in the eyght lyberall science (to wit, the noble art of flattery, and assentation) that in short space, they are admitted to be of the priuy councel,Popish bishops skilful in the art of flattery. without whose knowledge, consent, & agreement, nothing can be set forth, or established. In parliamentes they gyue theyr Councels, and rule all the rowte, euen at their pleasures.Byshops victualers of camp…. Some others agayne are victuallers of camps, and captaines in the warres nowe and then. These Popishe Byshoppes also are iustices of peace, iustices of Quorum, of heire determiner, and assyses, yea and Iudges of lyfe and death, for the most parte. All whiche callynges as they bee contrarye to the woorde of GOD▪ in them, so doe they withdrawe them from the discharge of their duties otherwise.
Philemon.
That is verye true, it must needes bee so, for if there were neuer anye, that coulde dyscharge the one offyce suffycientlye, muche lesse shall there euer bee anie founde able too discharge them both. But I pray you what officers hath euerie Archbishop vnderunder him?
Stuperius.
Euerye Archbishoppe amongest the Papistes hath almoste as many officers vnderunder hym as you hearde before, the Cardynall hadde, and therefore I wyll speake but of one of them, which is a Byshoppe,A byshop suffragane. but called by the name of a Suffragane.
Of Suffraganes amongst the papists, their horrible blasphemye, pride, and superstition.
Philemon.
Hath eueryevery bishop a Suffragane vnderunder him?
Stupe.
Oh: no. None but Archbyshops, and metropolitanes only. For if eueryevery inferior bishop should hauehave another bishop vnderunder him, that were a great inconuenience, and woulde burthen the church of God too much.
Phile.
Whereof do they take the names of suffraganes.
Stupe.
Truly I could neuer learne frō whence they take them, nor I thinke Apollo himselfe neither.
Phile.
What is the office of thys suffragane bishop, and what doth he in his offyce?
Stu.
He bishoppeth & cōfirmeth children halloweth altars,The offyce of suffraganes in the church of Rome. churches, churchyards & the like, he crosseth & blesseth the people, he prouideth greasy priests in eueryevery parishe, he halloweth water in the font, stones, fire, palmes, ashes, and many other things: he christneth bels & giueth them proper names with great solēnity. Manye other toyes & knacks belong to this suffragans office, which for tediousnes I omit. Only a few of his foolish ceremonies, wil I shew which he vseth in hallowing of churches & chappels, christening of bels, and giuing of orders.
Phile.
I pray you doe so, for they are things which I greatly desire too knowe.
The manner of hallowing of Churches, and Churcheyardes, as it is now vsed amongest the papistes.
Stuperius.
FIrst of all, the sexten lurketh secretly in some corner of the churche,The order of the Papists hallowing of churches & church yardes. all others being thruste foorth, & the church doores fast closed, then are there twelue tapers set burning before the Altar, and as many before ye crosse wythout. The Bishoppe or Suffragane all this while standeth without the Church with a wō derfull great pompe and pride, hauyng holy water hallowed with salt enough standing by him. And taking the holy water,Holy water alwayes one. he goeth three times aboute the Church, casting therof vponupon the walles of the Churche as he goeth. Than hauing gone thrise aboute the Churche in this order, hee commeth to the Churchdore, and knocking three times on the dore with his staffe, saith, these woordes of the Psalme,Oh, blasphemous villanie so to abuse the words of the psalm to such a lewde purpose as thys. Lift vp your gates, &c. as though a whole legion of Diuelles were within the Church. Then commeth me Master clark, and in the name of all the Diuels, he saith, what king is hee that thus dareth knocks at these gates:Mary it is a proud prelate, whom all the diuels in hell cannot resist. And straight way as though the Diuels gaue place, the Clarke openeth the doores, and the bishop entreth wyth a fewe others, who are thought worthye to beholde such mysteries. Being then come into the Churche, first of all hee calleth vppon Saints, and Images, crosseth, and blesseth eueryevery thyng that he seeth or commeth neere. The Churche floore also beeing strowed ouer withe ashes, or els with sande, …e first maketh crosses thereon, then letters in Latine, Greeke, and Hebrewe, whereof hee nothing vnderstandeth what they meane, no more then the manne in the Moone.Holy water purifieth & sanctifieth al things Then falleth hee to coniuring of newe holy water (for now the old hath lost his force) wyth wyne, Salte, and Ashes intermixt. This doone, hee proceedeth too hallowe the Altare, and hauing first made twelue crosses theron,The maner of hallowyng the Altar. he annointeth it with oyle, and chrisme rounde about: after thys hauyng set vponupon eueryevery corner of the Altar, a great manye of crosses, he besprynckleth it all ouer with his new made holy water, neuer ceasing but ietting about it 7. times, and as many times sprinkling it with holy water as before. In the middest of the Altar is a foure square hole, hewed out by great art, representyng the Sepulchre, thys hee annoyteth wyth chrysme,He crosseth the altar so often to feare away diuels. and oyle, with a thousande crosses on eueryevery side. In thys Sepulchre, hee layeth his reliques, hys Frankensence, and hys geare.
Thus all thynges done in order, and annoynted with Oyle, and Chrisme, besprynkled with holy water, and crossed on eueryevery side,The play is ended. hee endeth his Pageant and departeth. And thus much concernyng the hallowing of Churches, and churchyards.
Phil.
This is a wonderful enterlude indeed, the sight of this woulde make a Dogge too cast his gorge. I pray you what Ceremonies vseth thys Suffragane in giuing of orders?
The Manner of popish orders giuing and what Ceremonies are obserued in the same.
Stuperius.
FIrst of all, the Suffragane Bishoppe being come in place, cloathed in his pontificalibus,The maner of gyuyng of popish orders. eueryevery one that is too bee made Priest, is called particularly by name, who standing all vponupon a cluster, or heape together, clad in their long albes: the bishop asketh whether they be good and vertuous men, and of sufficienc…e able to take vpō them that high calling. The officer (greased in the fist before) answereth that they are learned, able, & sufficient men, and yet he neuer knewe them in all his life, nor yet so much as euer sawe,Because they are bnzzardes, & cannot see. or heard of them before. Then is ther a candle, & a candlestick brought from the high Altar to the Acolouth, with instruction giuen them that their office is continually to light candles in the Church, and to beare them aboute. This done, than is there an emptie cup brought, and put into their handes with lessons giuen to them, that their office is too giuegive wyne too the Priest at hys masse, which they doe not, & yet is their crowne shorn for it,These crown… shorne make … many a man to weare a horn. neither it is lawful for them euer after to weare hayre there any more. After this mayster Coniurer the Bishop receiueth the book…, and deliuereth it to the new Priestes, commaundyng them to learne it by heart:Let thē learne to reade it first good my lord, before they learne it by heart. & by power and veritie thereof to cast out Diuels. Than is the booke carryed againe to the hygh altar…, the Priest neuer reading one worde of it, beeing deliuered him clasped, and yet is he commanded to get it by hearte, and to caste out Diuels with the same. Then is deliuered him the tastament,The testament is giuen him, but to preache truly thereout is forbidden hym. in token that hee ought to preache the same truly too the people: whiche thing neyther hee their great grandsire the Pope, nor any of them all do perfourme.
Next after this, there are deliuered vntoo them, the keyes of the Churche dores togeather with ropes of Hempe,If they must keep out dogs out of the church then must they shut forth thēselues in token that their office is too shut fast the dores, too driue out the Dogs out of the Churche, and to keepe the Churche, and al the holy Reliques fayre & cleane. Then is there oyle brought▪ wherewith eueryevery Priest hath his head,Priests annointed. his fingers, and thumbes oyled and greased. In the doing whereof is great heed taken, least any of the oyle shoulde chaunce to drop …owne vponupon the grounde, for that were a haynous offence. And therefore the Suffragan Bishoppe, and the Priestes they spounge, they wipt, they rubbe, and drye their fingers,Oh greasie hypocrites who streine at a gnat, & swallowe downe a camel. their head & all wonderfull to beholde. And for feare of the worst, they scoure their fingers & head wyth ashes, or sande, to the ende that all the holy oyle may be dryed vp and none spilt. For further securitie whereof, because they will bee sure that … shall be spilt, they send for hot bread from the o…en,Hoa…e bread …ent to dry vp the oyle. which being carryed to the …olye Altar … they apply it too theyr heads and fingers, that they maye be sure the … of their farred oyle is … ▪ Whiche …, the Bishoppe and Priestes departe, and so endethe the play.
Phile.
What is the order obserued in Christening of Belles, and what ceremonies doth he vse therein?