The Theater of the Popes Monarchy, Part 10
The manner of popish persons & beneficed men, with their Idolatrye, blasphemy and superstition.
Stuperius.
The true office of parsons and preachers.THe pope hath great store of them, in euerye corner. Theyr office is to preache the woorde of GOD truely, to minister the sacramentes sincerely, & to gouerne their seuerall flocks & congregations according to the woorde of God. Then the which they doe nothyng lesse, for the pope hath commanded them to the contrary, and therfore they preach (almost) nothing, but lyes, dreames, and fantasies of menne,Preaching of dreames. Idolatrye, blasphemie, superstition, and olde wiues tales, tending to vanity, & leading to vntruth. And to the end that they may the deepelier roote Idolatry, and superstition in the peoples hearts, they hauehave framed thē a booke, called the Popish portesse, The popishe portesse a book ful of all abhominatiō, blasphemy, & sacriledges.full of moste horrible blasphemye, fables, and …yes, whereto they are so neerely tied, that they thynke it an offence inexpiable too dygresse an ynche from the same.
Phile.
What manner of Sermons doe these lustye parsons make adayes?
Stupe.
Excellent Sermons I warrāt you: for some spend the time whilest he is in the pulpit,VVhat maner of sermons the popish persons preach. in railing & scolding like queanes, some in shewing what wrōg they hauehave done thē, what slanders they hauehave sustained, & what tithes, & duties they hauehave loste. Some prophesie what shalbee deare, what good cheape, what shalbe plenty, what scarce, & what weather shal happen al times & seasōs of the yere.Good stuffe I warrant you. Othersom fil the peoples eares in shewing them of the popes wars, the emperors wars, the Turks warres, & a thousand such like toyes, and noueltyes. These Robin hoods sermōs ended,Robin hoodes sermons. there is brought a long bederoll of paper, or parchment, wherin are writ the names of infinite thousandes of men, women, and children departed, all which beeyng openly read with a loude voyce, are thē prayed for, y• they may escape the broyling fire of purgatorie. This done, too masse go they as round as a ball,Blasphemyes in the masse. wherein are mo blasphemies, errors, abuses, & corruptions, then there are sands in the sea, starres in the skie, or grasse vponupon the face of the earth. But that is no matter, their stomacks are so wranke, that they cā brook any thing.Person Choploches. To conclude, masse beeing ended, these Person Choploches galloppe as fast as they canne trudge towardes Dinner, where howe dayntely they fare, and howe well they fill theyr paunches all the worlde knoweth.
Phile.
What exercises do they follow after dinner?
Stupe.
Dinner beeyng ended, they go commonly to the alehouse (for recreation,Exercises after dynner of the Papists. or els to study, you must imagyne) where they carouse, and drinke aboute, till they prate like parrats, and that like pies.Good recreation forsooth and sit for the Diuels grace. And for further recreation to passe the time away withall, the goe to cards, to dice, too chesse, tables, and checquer, where wanteth neyther drinking, nor swearing, nor any thing els that myght offend the maiestye of God. And sometimes beeyng weary of these exercises, they fall to talke of hawdry,Talking of bawdry. filthinesse, scurrility, and all kynde of vncleannes, moste shamefull to heare. And least the long wynter nights should seeme wea…some, or irksome vntounto them, they hauehave 2. or 3. or as many whoores and harlots as they wil,Whores papists bedfellowes. to lye by their sweet sides, to solace themselues withal, after long study of good ale and bawdry. Thus hast thou heard the liues of the popish priests or parsons of the countrey, with their offices, exercises, and abuses. And heereof hitherto.
Phile.
What say you of Monkes, & their doings? I would very fain heare something of them, what fellowes they be.