Sermons in One Volume — Henry Smith

Sermons in One Volume · Henry Smith

A PREPARATIVE TO MARIAGE.

YOu are come hither to be cō tracted in the Lord, that is, of two to be made one: for as god hath knit the bones & ſinews togither for the ſtrengthening of mens bodies, ſo he hath knit mā & womā togither, for the ſtrēgthening of their life, becauſe two are firmer thē one, & therfore when God made the woman for man,Eccle. 9 9. he ſaid;Gen. 2. 18. I will make him a helpe: ſhewing that man is ſtronger by his wife. EueryEvery mariage before it be knit, ſhould be cōtracted,Exo. 22. 16. as it is ſhewed in Exo. 22. 16. & Deu. 22. 28. which ſtay between the contract and the mariage,Deu. 22. 28. was the time of longing for their affection to ſettle in,Why contracts goe before mariage. becauſe the deferring of that which we louelove, doth kindle the deſire, which if it came eaſilie and ſpeedily vntounto vsus, would make vsus ſet leſſe by it.Mat. 1. 18. Therfore we read how Ioſeph & Marie were contracted before they were married. In the*That is, betweene y^e contract & the mariage. Luke 1. 27. & 42. & 49. &c. contract Chriſt was conceiued, and in the marriage Chriſt was borne, that he might honor both eſtates: virginity with his conception, and mariage with his birth. You are contracted but to be married,What mariage is. therfore I paſſe from contracts to ſpeake of marriage, which is nothing elſe but a communion of life betweene man and woman, ioyned together according to the ordinance of God.

Firſt, I will ſhew the excellencie of marriage;The parts of the treatiſe. then the inſtitution of it; then the cauſes of it; then the choiſe of it; then the duties of it; and laſtly the diuorcement of it.

Well might Paule ſay, Marriage is honourable: Heb. 13. 4.for God hath honoured it himſelfe. It is honorable for the author,The excellencie of mariage. honorable for the time, and honorable for the place. Whereas all other ordinances were appointed of God by the hands of men, or the hands of Angels, mariage was ordained by God himſelf,Act. 7. 53. which cannot erre.Heb. 2. 2. No man, nor Angell, brought the wife to the husband,Gen. 2. 22. but God him ſelfe: ſo marriage hath more honor of God in this, then all other ordinances of God beſide, becauſe he ſolemnized it himſelfe.

Then it is honourable for the time, for it was the firſt ordinance that God inſtituted,Mariage the firſt ordinance of God. euen the firſt thing which he did after man and woman were created, and that in the ſtate of innocencie, before either had ſinned, like the fineſt flower, which will not thriue but in a cleane ground. Before man had anie other calling, he was called to be a husband, therefore it hath the honour of antiquitie aboue all other ordinances, becauſe it was ordained firſt, and is the auncienteſt calling of men.

Then it is honourable for the place: For whereas all other ordinances were inſtituted out of Paradiſe, mariage was inſtituted in Paradiſe, in the happieſt place, to ſignifie how happie they are that marrie in the Lord, they do not onelyonly marrie one another, but Chriſt is married vntounto them: and ſo marriage hath the honour of the place aboue all other ordinances, becauſe it was ordained in Paradiſe.

As God the Father honoured marriage, ſo did God the Sonne,Gen. 3. 15. which is called the ſeed of the woman: and therfore Marriage was ſo honored amongſt women becauſe of this ſeed, that when Elizabeth brought foorth a ſonne,Luke 1. 25. ſhe ſayd, that God had taken away her rebuke: counting it the honour of women to beare children, and by conſequence, the honour of women to be married; for the children which are borne out of mariage, are the diſhonor of women, and called by the ſhamefull name of Baſtards.Deu 32. 2.

As Chriſt honoured Mariage with his birth, ſo he honoured it with his miracles: for the firſt miracle which Chriſt did,Chriſtes firſt miracle at a Mariage. he wrought at a mariage in Canaan, where he turned their water into wine: ſo, if Chriſt be at your mariage, that is, if you marie in Chriſt,Ioh. 2. 8. your water ſhalbe turned into wine, that is, your peace, and your reſt, and your ioy, and your happineſſe ſhall begin with your Mariage: but if you marie not in Chriſt, then your wine ſhall be turned into water, that is, you ſhall liue woorſe hereafter then you did before.

As hee honoured it with miracles, ſo hee honoured it with praiſes:Mat. 22. 2. for he compareth the kingdome of God to a Wedding,Verſe 11. and he compareth holineſſe to a wedding Garment. And in the fifth of Cāticles,Cant. 5. 9. he is wedded him ſelfe.

We reade in Scripture of three Mariages of Chriſt.Three mariages of Chriſt. The firſt was, when Chriſt and our nature met together. The ſecond is, when Chriſt and our ſoule ioyne together. The third is, the vnion of Chriſt and his Chruch. Theſe are Chriſts three wiues. As Chriſt honoured Mariage, ſo do Chriſts Diſciples: for Iohn calleth the coniunction of Chriſt and the faithfull,Reue. 19. 7. a Mariage. And in the one and twentith of the Reuelation and ninth verſe,Reu. 21. 9. the Church hath the name of a Bride,Reu. 17. 1. whereas Hereſie is called an harlot.By mariage the womans curſe turned into two bleſſings. Further, for the honour of Mariage, Paul ſheweth how by it, the curſe of the woman was turned into a bleſsing, for the womans curſe was the paines which ſhe ſhould ſuffer in her trauaile. Now by mariage this curſe is turned into a bleſſing:Gen. 3. 16. for children are the firſt bleſſing in all the Scripture.Gen. 1. 28. And therefore Chriſt ſaith, that ſo ſoone as the mother ſeeth a manchilde borne into the world,Ioh. 16. 11. ſhee forgetteth all her ſorowes, as though her curſe were turned into a bleſſing.

And further Paul ſaith,1. Tim. 2. 15 that by bearing of children, if ſhe continue*For thoſe paines wil trie her faith. in faith & patience, ſhe ſhall be ſaued: as though one curſe were turned into two bleſſings. For firſt, ſhe ſhall hauehave children, and after, ſhe ſhall hauehave ſaluation. What a mercifull God hauehave we, whoſe curſes are bleſſings?Note. So he loued our Parents, when he puniſhed them, that he could ſcarce puniſh them for louelove, and therfore a comfort was folded in his iudgement.

To honour mariage more, it is ſayd, that God tooke a rib out of Adams ſide,Gen. 2. 22. & thereof built the woman. He is not ſaid to make man a wife, but to builde him a wife: ſignifiing, that man and wife make (as it were) one houſe together, & that the building was not perfect, vntill the woman was made as well as the man, therefore if the building bee not perfect now, it muſt be deſtroyed againe.

Before God made the woman: it is ſayd, that he caſt the man into a ſleepe,A note of Adams ſleepe. and in his ſleepe he tooke a rib out of his ſide, and as he made man of earth, ſo hee made the woman of bone,Gen. 2. 21. while Adam was a ſleepe.

This doth teach vsus two things: as the firſt Adam was a figure of the ſecond Adam, ſo the firſt Adams ſleepe, was a figure of the ſecond Adams ſleepe,1. Cor. 15. 22. & 45. and the firſt Adams ſpouſe, was a figure of the ſecond Adams ſpouſe. That is, as in the ſleepe of Adam, Eue was borne, ſo in the ſleep of Chriſt the church was borne; as a bone came out of the firſt Adams ſide, ſo blood came out of the ſecond Adams ſide. As Adams ſpouſe receiued life in his ſleepe, ſo Chriſts ſpouſe receiued life in his ſleepe: that is, the death of Chriſt is the life of the Chruch,Eph. 5. 14. for the Apoſtle calleth death a ſleepe:Ioh. 14. 6. but Chriſt which died is called life,A note of Adams ſleepe. ſhewing that in his death we liue. Secondly, this ſleep which the man was caſt into, while his wife was created, doth teach vsus, that our affections, our luſtes, and our concupiſcences, ſhould ſleepe while we goe about this action. As the man ſlept while his wife was making, ſo our fleſh ſhould ſleepe while our wife is chooſing,Gen. 27. 3. leaſt as the louelove of veniſon wanne Iſaack to bleſſe one for another, ſo the louelove of gentrie, or riches, or beautie, make vsus take one for another.

To honour mariage more yet, or rather to teach the married how to honour one another,A note of Adams rib it is ſaid, that the wife was made of the husbands rib, not of his head, for Paul calleth the husband the wiues head:Gen. 2. 22. nor of the foote,Eph. 5. 23. for hee muſt not ſet her at his foote: the ſeruant is appointed to ſerue,The Fathers obſeruation. and the wife to helpe. If ſhee muſt not matche with the head, not ſtoupe at the foote, where ſhall he ſet her then? Hee muſt ſet her at his hart, and therefore ſhe which ſhould lie in his boſome, was made in his boſome, and ſhould be as cloſe to him as his rib, of which ſhe was faſhioned.

Laſtlie, in all Nations the day of mariage was reputed the ioyfulleſt day in all their life, and is reputed ſtill of all, as though the ſunne of happineſſe began that day to ſhine vppon vsus, when a good wife is brought vntounto vsus. Therefore one ſaith: that mariage doth ſignifie merrie-age, becauſe a play-fellow is come to make our age merrie, as Iſaac and Rebecca ſported together.

Salomon conſidering all theſe excellencies, as though we were more indebted vntounto God for this, then other temporall gifts, ſaith, Houſe and riches are the inheritance of the fathers, Pro. 14. 14.but a prudent wife commeth of the Lord.

Houſe and riches are giuen of God, and all things elſe, and yet hee ſaith, houſe and riches are giuen of parents, but a good wife is giuen of God: as though a good wife were ſuch a gift, as we ſhould account from God alone,Thus Adam doth. and accept it as if he ſhould ſend vsus a preſent from heauen, with this name written on it,Gen. 2. The gift of God.

Beaſtes are ordeined for food, and cloathes for warmth, and flowers for pleaſure, but the wife is ordeined for man,Gen. 29. 20. like litle Zoar, a Citie of refuge to flie to in all his troubles, and there is no peace comparable vntounto her, but the peace of conſcience.

Now it muſt needes bee, that Mariage, which was ordeined of ſuch an excellent author, and in ſuch a happie place, and of ſuch an auncient time, and after ſuch a notable order, muſt likewiſe hauehave ſpeciall cauſes for the ordinance of it. Therefore the holy Ghoſt doth ſhew vsus three cauſes of this vnion.

One is,Three cauſes of mariage. the propagation of children, ſignified in that when Moſes ſaith; He created them male and female: not both male, nor both female,Gen. 2. 7. but one male, and the other female, as if he created them fit to propagate other. And therefore when he had created them ſo, to ſhewe that propagation of children is one ende of mariage, he ſayd vntounto them;Gen. 1. 28. Encreaſe and multiplie. That is, Bring forth children, as other creatures bring forth their kinde.

For this cauſe Mariage is called Matrimonie,Why mariage is called Matrimony. which ſignifieth mothers, becauſe it maketh them mothers which were virgins before: and in the ſeminarie of the world, without which all things ſhould be in vaine, for want of men to vſe them, for God reſerueth the great Citie to himſelfe, and this Suburbes he hath ſet out to vsus, which are Regents by ſea and by land.

If children be ſuch a chiefe ende of mariage, then it ſeemes, that where there can be no hope of children, for age and other cauſes, there mariage is not ſo lawfull,This is ſignified in becauſe it is maimed of one of his endes, and ſeemes rather to be ſought for wealth,Deu. 23. 1. or for luſt, then for this bleſſing of children. It is not good grafting of an olde head vponupon young ſhoulders, for they will neuer beare it willingly, but grudgingly.

Twiſe the wife is called The wife of thy youth, Prou. 5. 18.as though when men are olde,Mal. 2. 15. the time of marying were paſt. Therefore God makes ſuch vnequall matches ſo ridiculous euerie where, that they pleaſe none but the parties themſelues.

The ſecond cauſe is to auoyd fornication;The ſecond cauſe this Paul signifieth when he ſaith;1. Cor. 7. 8. For the auoyding of fornication, let euerie man hauehave his owne wife. He ſaith not for auoiding of adulterie, but for auoiding of fornication: ſhewing that fornication is vnlawfull too, which the Papiſts make lawful,Papiſts ſtewes. in maintaining their ſtewes, as a ſtage for fornicators to play vponupon, and a ſanctuarie to defend them, like to Abſaloms tent,2. Sa. 16. 22 which was ſpread vponupon the top of the houſe, that all Iſrael might ſee how he defiled his fathers concubines.

For this cauſe Malachie ſaith,Mal. 2. 15. that God did create but one woman for the man, hee had power to create moe, but to ſhew that he would hauehave him ſtick to one, therfore he created of one ribbe, but one wife for one huſband: And in the Arke there were no mo women then men: but foure wiues for foure huſbands, although it was in the beginning of the world, when many wiues might ſeeme neceſſarie to multiplie mankinde.

If any might hauehave a diſpenſation herein, it ſeemes that Kinges might bee priuiledged before any other, becauſe of their ſucceſſion to the Crowne, if his wife ſhould happen to be barren: and yet the King is forbidden to take many wiues,Deu. 17. 17. in Deut. 17. 17. as well as the miniſter in 1. Tim. 3. 2. ſhewing,1. Tim. 3. 2. that the danger of the ſtate doth not counteruaile the danger of fornication.

For this cauſe wee reade of none but wicked Lamech before the floud,Gen. 4. 23. that had more wiues then one, whome Iouinian calleth a monſter, becauſe he made two ribbes of one. And another ſaith, that the name of his ſecond wife doth ſignifie a ſhadowe, becauſe ſhe was not a wife, but the ſhadow of a wife: For this cauſe the Scripture neuer biddeth man to louelove his wiues, but to louelove his wife, and ſaith,Mat. 9. 5. They ſhall be two in one fleſh, not three, nor foure, but onelyonly two. For this cauſe king Salomon calleth the whoriſh woman a ſtrange woman,Prou. 2. 16. to ſhew that ſhe ſhould be a ſtranger vntounto vsus, and we ſhould be ſtrange to her.

For this cauſe children which are borne in mariage are called Liberi, which ſignifieth free borne: and they which are borne out of mariage are called Baſtardes, that is, baſe borne,Gen. 36. 25. like the Mule which is ingendred of an Aſſe and a Mare.Fornicators like the diuell. Therefore adulterers are likened to the diuell, which ſowed another mans ground,Mat. 13. 22. other ſowe for a harueſt, but they ſowe that which they dare not reape. Therefore children borne in wedlocke are counted Gods bleſſing, becauſe they come by vertue of that bleſſing,Pſa. 128. 4. Increaſe and multiplie. Gen. 1. 28.But before Adam and Eue were maried, God neuer ſayd, Increaſe, ſhewing that he did curſe, and not bleſſe ſuch increaſe. Therefore we reade not in all the Scripture of one Baſtard that cam to any good,Baſtards. but only Iephtah,Iudg. 11. 1. and to ſhewe that no inheritance did belong to them in heauen,They might be ſaued, but they had the marke of the curſe. they had no inheritance in earth, neither were counted of the congregation as other were. Deut. Chap. 23. verſe 2.

Now becauſe Mariage was appointed for a remedie againſt fornication, therefore the law of God inflicted a ſorer puniſhment vponupon him which did commit vncleannes after mariage,Leu. 20. 10. then vponupon him which was not maried,Deu. 22. 22. becauſe he ſinned,Maried fornicators. although he had the remedie of ſinne, like a rich theefe which ſtealeth, and hath no need.

Now if mariage be a remedie againſt the ſinne of fornication, then vnleſſe Miniſters may committe the ſinne of fornication,Mariage of Ministers. it ſeemes that they may vſe the remedie as well as other: for as it is better for one man to marie then to burne, ſo it is better for all men to marie then to burne: and therfore Paul ſaith, Mariage is honourable amongſt all men. 1. Cor. 7. 9.And againe,Heb. 13. 4. For the auoiding of fornication let euerie man hauehave his wife. 1. Cor. 7.And as though he did foreſee that ſome would except the Miniſter in time to come; in the firſt Epiſtle of Timothie, the third Chapter and ſecond verſe, he ſpeaketh more preciſely of the Miniſters wife then of any other,1. Tim. 3. 2. ſaying; Let him be the husband of one wife. And leaſt ye ſhould ſay that by one wife he meaneth one Benefice, like the Papiſts; he expoūdeth himſelfe in the fourth verſe, and ſaith, that hee muſt bee one that can rule his houſe well, and his children.

Sure God would not hauehave theſe children to be baſtardes, and therefore it is like that he alloweth the Miniſter a wife. Therefore Paul ſaid well,1. Cor. 7. 6. that he had no commandement for Virginitie: for Virginitie cannot be commaunded, becauſe it is a ſpeciall gift, but not a ſpeciall gift to Miniſters, and therefore they are not to be bound more then other. A peculiar gift may not be made a generall rule, becauſe none can vſe it but they which hauehave it. And therefore in 1. Cor. 7. 17. he ſaith:1. Cor. 7. 17. As God hath diſtributed to eueryevery man, ſo let him walke. That is, if he hauehave not the gift of continencie he is bound to marrie, & therfore Paule commandeth in the ſeuenth verſe, whether he be miniſter or other, If they can not abſtaine, let them marrie, as though they tempted God if they married not.

The Lawe was generall, It is not good for man to be alone, Gen. 2. 18.exempting one order of men no more then another.Mat. 19. 11. And againe, Chriſt ſpeaking of chaſtitie, ſaith; All men cannot receiue this thing. Therefore, vnleſſe we knowe that this order of men can receiue this thing, Chriſt forbids to bynde them more then other: and therefore as the Prieſts were married that taught the Law, ſo Chriſt choſe Apoſtles that were married, to preach the Goſpel. Therefore the doctrine of Papiſts is the doctrine of deuils:1. Tim. 4. 3. for Paul calleth the forbidding of marriage, the doctrine of deuils, a fit title for all their bookes.

Laſtly, if marriage be a remedie againſt ſinne, then Marriage it ſelfe is no ſinne: for if marriage it ſelfe were a ſinne,Rom. 3. 8. we might not marrie for anie cauſe, becauſe we muſt not do the leaſt euill, that the greateſt good may come of it: and if marriage be not a ſin, then the*Be not thou vain, and theſe words will not be offenſiue. duties of marriage are not ſinne, that is, the ſecret of marriage is not euill, and therefore Paule ſaith,Heb. 13. 4. not onelyonly Marriage is honourable: but the bed is honourable, that is, euen the action of marriage is as lawfull as marriage.

Beſides,1. Cor. 7. 8. Paule ſaith, Let the huſband giuegive vntounto the wise due beneuolence. Here is a commaundement to yeeld this dutie: that which is commaunded, is lawfull; and not to do it, is a breach of the commaundement. Therfore marriage was inſtituted before any ſinne was, to ſhew that there is no ſinne in it, if it be not abuſed: but becauſe this is rare, therefore after women were deliuered,Leuit. 12. 4. 5. &c. God appoynted them to be purified, ſhewing that ſome ſtaine or other doth creepe into this action, which had need to be repented,1. Cor. 7. 5. and therefore when they praied, Paul would not hauehave them come together, leaſt their prayers ſhould be hindered.

The third cauſe is to auoyd the inconuenience of ſolitarineſſe ſignified in theſe words,The third cauſe. It is not good for man to be alone, Gen. 2.as though he had ſaid; this life would be miſerable and irkſome, and vnpleaſant to man, if the Lord had not giuen him a wife to companie his troubles. If it be not good for man to be alone, then it is good for man to hauehave a fellow: therfore as God created a paire of all other kinds, ſo he created a paire of this kinde.

We ſay that one is none, becauſe he cannot be fewer then one, he cannot be leſſer then one, he cannot be weaker then one: and therfore the wiſe man ſaith;Eccl. 4. 10. Woe to him which is alone, that is, he which is alone ſhall hauehave woe. Thoughts, and cares, and feares, will come to him, becauſe he hath none to comfort him, as theeues ſteale in when the houſe is emptie; like a Turtle, which hath loſt his mate, like one legge when the other is cutte off, like one wing when the other is clipte, ſo had the man bene if the woman had not bene ioyned to him: therefore for mutuall ſocietie God coupled two together, that the infinite troubles which lie vppon vsus in this world, might be eaſed with the comfort and help one of another, and that the poore in the worlde might hauehave ſome comfort as well as the rich,Pro. 19. 6. for The poore man (ſaith Salomon) is forſaken of his owne brethren, Pro. 27. 10.yet God hath prouided one comforter for him, like Ionathans armour-bearer,1. Sam. 14. 7 that ſhall neuer forſake him, that is another ſelfe, which is the onelyonly commoditie (as I may tearme it) wherein the poore do match the rich:A wife is the poore mans riches. Without which ſome perſons ſhould hauehave no helper, no comforter, no friend at all.

But as it is not good to be alone, ſo Salomon ſheweth,Prou. 21. 9. That it is better to be alone, then to dwell with a froward wife, which is like a quotidian ague, to keepe his patient in vre. Such furies do haunt ſome men,1. Sa. 16. 14 like Saules ſpirite, as though the diuell had put a ſworde into their handes to kill themſelues, therefore chooſe whom thou maiſt enioy, or liue alone ſtill, and thou ſhalt not repent thee of thy bargaine.

That thou mayſt take and keepe without repentance,The choiſe. now we will ſpeake of the choiſe, which ſome call the way to good wiues dwelling, for theſe flowers growe not on euerie ground: therefore they ſay, that in wiuing and ſtriuing, a man ſhould take counſell of all the world,Deut. 1. 23. 4. leaſt he light vponupon a curſe, while hee ſeekes for a bleſſing. As Moſes conſidered what ſpies he ſent into Chanaan, ſo thou muſt regarde whom thou ſendeſt to ſpie out a wife for thee.Two ſpies for a wife. Diſcretion is a warie ſpie, but fancie is a raſh ſpie, and liketh whom ſhe will miſlike againe.

In the Reuelation Antichriſt is deſcribed by a woman, and in Zacharie ſinne is called a woman, which ſheweth, that women hauehave many faultes,Zach. 5. 7. therefore hee which chuſeth of them, had need hauehave iudgement, and make an Anatomie of their hearts and mindes, before he ſay, This ſhalbe mine. For the wiſeſt man ſaith; I hauehave found one man of a thouſand, but a woman among them all hauehave I not found. Although this may be vnderſtoode of his Concubines, yet it implyeth that generally there is a greater infirmitie in women, than in men, becauſe hee compareth them together, as though there were a dearth of good women ouer the world.

For helpe hereof, in 1. Cor. 7. 39. we are taught to marrie in the Lord, then we muſt chuſe in the Lord too: therefore we muſt beginne our marriage where Salomon beganne his wiſedome.1. Reg. 3. 9. GiueGive vntounto thy ſeruant an vnderſtanding heart. So giuegive vntounto thy ſeruant an vnderſtanding wife.Gen. 24. 12. If Abrahams ſeruant praied vntounto the Lord to proſper his buſines, when he went about to chuſe a wife for another, how ſhouldſt thou pray when thou goeſt about a wife for thy ſelfe, that thou mayſt ſay after, My lot is fallen in a pleaſant ground? To direct thee to a right choiſe herein, the holie Ghoſt giues thee two rules in the choiſe of a wife,Godly, & fitte. Godlineſſe and fitneſſe: Godlines, becauſe our Spouſe muſt bee like Chriſtes Spouſe, that is, graced with gifts, and imbrodered with vertues, as if we married holineſſe her ſelfe. For the marriage of man and woman is reſembled of the Apoſtle to the marriage of Chriſt and the Church.Ephe. 5. 29. Now the Church is called holie, becauſe ſhee is holie. In the ſixt of the Canticles ſhe is called vndefiled,Cant. 6. 8. becauſe ſhe is vndefiled.Pſal. 45. 9. In the 45. Pſal. ſhe is called faire within, becauſe her beautie is inward;1. Sa. 16. 7. So our Spouſe ſhould be holie, vndefiled, and faire within. As God reſpecteth the heart, ſo we muſt reſpect the heart, becauſe that muſt louelove, and not the face. Couetouſneſſe hath euer bene a ſuiter to the richeſt, and pride to the higheſt, and lightneſſe to the faireſt: and for reuenge hereof, his ioy hath euer ended with his wiues youth, which tooke her beautie with it. The goods of the world are good, and the goods of the bodie are good, but the goods of the minde are better.1. Cor. 13. 13. As Paul commendeth Faith, Hope, and Charitie, but ſaith the greateſt of theſe is charitie: ſo may I commend beautie, and riches and godlineſſe, but the beſt of theſe is godlineſſe, becauſe it hath the things which it wāts, and makes eueryevery ſtate alike with her gift of contentation.

Secondly,A fit wife. the mate muſt be fitte: It is not inough to be vertuous, but to be ſutable, for diuers women hauehave many vertues, and yet do not fitte with ſome men; & diuers men hauehave many vertues, and yet doe not fit to ſome women: and therefore we ſee many times, euen the godly couples to iar when they are married, becauſe there is ſome vnfitneſſe between them, which makes oddes. What is oddes, but the contrary to euen?The ceremonie is not approued, but the inuention declared. therefore make them euen (ſaith one) and there will be no oddes. From hence came the firſt vſe of the Ring in weddings, to repreſent this euenneſſe: for if it be ſtraiter then the finger, it will pinch, and if it be wider then the finger it will fall off; but if it be fitte, it neither pincheth nor ſlippeth: So they which are like, ſtriue not, but they which are vnlike, as fire and water. Therfore one obſerueth, that concorde is nothing but likeneſſe, & all that ſtrife is for vnfitneſſe: as in thinges when they fitte not together, and in perſons, when they ſuite not one another.

How was God pleaſed when he had found a King according to his owne hart?1. Sa. 2. 35. So ſhall that man be pleaſed that findes a wife according to his owne heart, whether he be rich or poore, his peace ſhall affoord him a cheerfull life,The ſaying of a godly man. and teach him to ſing, In louelove is no lack. Therfore a godly man in our time thanked the Lord that he had not onelyonly giuen him a godly wife, but a fitte wife: for he ſayd not that ſhe was the wiſeſt, nor the holieſt, nor the humbleſt, nor the modeſteſt wife in the world, but the fitteſt wife for him in the world, which eueryevery man ſhould thinke when that knot is tied, or elſe ſo often as he ſeeth a better, hee will wiſh that his choice were to make againe. As he did thanke God for ſending him a fit wife, ſo the vnmarried ſhould pray God to ſend him a fit wife: for if they be not like, they will not like.

The fitneſſe is commended by the holy Ghoſt in two words: one is in the ſecond of Geneſis,Gen. 2. 18. and the other is in 2. Cor. 6. 14. that in Geneſis is,2. Cor. 6. 14. Meet, God ſaith, I will make man a helpe Meet for him. Shewing that a wife can not helpe wel, vnleſſe ſhe be meet. Further, it ſheweth that man is ſuch an excellent creature, that no creature was like vntounto him, or meet for him, till the woman was made.

This meetneſſe God ſheweth againe, in the 22. verſe,Gen. 2. 22. where Moſes ſayth, That of the rib which was taken out of man, God built the womā: ſignifying, that as one part of the building dooth meet and fit with another: ſo the wife ſhould meet and fit with the huſband; that as they are called couples, ſo they may be called paires, that is, as a paire of gloues, or a paire of hoſe are like: ſo man and wife ſhould be like, becauſe they are a paire of friends.

If thou bee learned, chuſe one that loueth knowledge; if thou be martial, chuſe one that loueth prowes; if thou muſt liue by thy labor, chuſe one that loueth husbandrie: for vnleſſe her mind ſtand with thy vocation, thou ſhalt neither enioy thy wife nor thy calling.

That other word in 2. Cor. 6. 14. is Yoke, there Mariage is called a Yoke. Paul ſayth; Be not vnequally yoked. If mariage be a yoke, then they which draw in it muſt be fit, like two oxen which draw the yoke together, or elſe all the burthen will lie vponupon one. Therefore they are called yokefellows too, to ſhew that they which draw this yoke muſt be fellowes.Phil. 4. 3. As hee which ſoweth ſeed chuſeth a fit ground, becauſe they ſay, it is good grafting vponupon a good ſtocke, ſo he which will hauehave godly children, muſt chuſe a godly wife, for like mother (ſaith Ezechiel) like daughter.Ezec. 16. 44 Now as the traueller hath markes in his way, that he may proceed aright: ſo the ſuiter hath markes in his way that he may chuſe right.

There be certaine ſignes of this fitnes,Fiue rules in the choiſe of a good wife. and godlines, both in the mā and in the woman. If thou wilt know a godlie man, or a godlie woman, thou muſt marke fiue things: the report, the lookes, the ſpeech, the apparell, and the companions; which are like the pulſes, that ſhew whether we be well or ill. The report,Psal. 11. 26 becauſe as the market goes, ſo they ſaie the market men wil talke.Pro. 10. 7. A good man commonlie hath a good name,Mar. 14. 9. becauſe a good name is one of the bleſſings which God promiſeth to good men, but a good name is not to bee prayſed from the wicked: and therefore Chriſt ſayth;Luke 6. 26. Curſed are you when al men ſpeake well of you: that is, when euill men ſpeake well of you, becauſe this is a ſigne that you are of the world,Iohn 15. 19 for the world liketh and prayſeth her owne: Yet as Chriſt ſayd, Who can accuſe me of ſinne? Iohn 8. 46.So it ſhould bee ſayd of vsus, not who can accuſe me of ſinne? but who can accuſe me of this ſinne? or who can accuſe me of that ſinne? That is, who can accuſe mee of ſwearing? who can accuſe mee of diſſembling? who can accuſe mee of fornication? No man can ſay this of his thought, but eueryevery man ſhould ſay it of the act,Luke 16. like Zachariah and Elizabeth, which are called vnblameable before men, becauſe none could accuſe them of open ſinnes.

The next ſigne is the looke, for Salomon ſaith in Eccleſ. 8. 7.Eccle 8. 7. Wiſdome is in the face of a man, ſo godlineſſe is in the face of a man, and ſo follie is in the face of a man, and ſo wickedneſſe is in the face of a man. And therfore it is ſayd in Eſay, Chapter 3. verſe 9. The triall of their countenaunce teſtifieth agaynst them. Eſay 3. 9.As though their lookes could ſpeake, and therefore we read of proud lookes, and angrie lookes, and wanton lookes: becauſe they bewray pride, and anger, & wantonnes.

I hauehave heard one ſay, that a modeſt man dwels at the ſigne of a modeſt countenaunce, and an honeſt woman dwelleth at the ſigne of an honeſt face, which is like the gate of the temple that was called Beautifull: ſhewing, that if the entrie be ſo beautifull,Acts 3. 2. within is great beautie.

To ſhew how a modeſt countenance, and womanly ſhamefaſtnes do commend a chaſt wife, it is obſerued that the word Nuptiae, which ſignifieth the mariage of the woman, doth declare the manner of her mariage: for it importeth a couering, becauſe the virgins which ſhould be married, when they came to their husbands, for modeſtie and ſhamefaſtneſſe did couer their faces: as we read of Rebeccah,Gen. 24. 65. which ſo ſoone as ſhe ſaw Iſaac, and knew that he ſhould be her husband, ſhe caſt a vaile before her face, ſhewing that modeſtie ſhould be learned before mariage, which is the dowrie that God addeth to her portion.

The third ſigne is her ſpeech, or rather her ſilence;To Adam firſt and to Moſes after. for the ornament of a woman is ſilence: and therefore the law was giuen to the man rather then to the woman, to ſhew that he ſhould be the teacher, and ſhe the hearer▪ Maids muſt ſpeake …As the Eccho anſwereth but one for manie which are ſpoken to her, ſo a maides anſwere ſhould be in a word, for ſhe which is full to talke, is not likely to prooue a quiet wife.

The eye and the ſpeech are the mindes glaſſes,Mat. 12. 34 for out of the aboundance of the heart (ſaith Chriſt) the mouth ſpeaketh: as though by the ſpeech wee might know what aboundeth in the heart:Mat. 12. 36 and therefore he ſayth: By thy words thou ſhalt bee iuſtified, and by thy words thou ſhalt be condemned. That is, thou ſhalt bee iuſtified to be wiſe, or thou ſhalt be condemned to be fooliſh: thou ſhalt be iuſtified to be ſober, or thou ſhalt be condemned to be raſh: thou ſhalt be iuſtified to be humble, or thou ſhalt be condemned to be proud: thou ſhalt bee iuſtified to be louing, or thou ſhalt be condemned to be enuious. Therefore Salomon ſaith,Pro. 18. 7. A fooles lippes are a ſnare to his own ſoule. Snares are made for other, but this ſnare catcheth a mans ſelfe, becauſe it bewraieth his follie, and cauſeth his trouble, and bringeth him into diſcredit.Pro. 17. 23. Contrariwiſe, the heart of the wiſe (ſaith Salomon) guideth his mouth wiſely, Eccl. 12. 10.and the words of his mouth hauehave grace. Now to ſhew that this ſhould be one marke in the choiſe of thy wife, Salomon describing a right wife,Pro 19. 15. ſaith; She openeth her mouth with wiſdome, Nu. 19. 15.and the law of grace is in her tongue. A wife that can ſpeake this language, is better then ſhee which hath all the tongues. But as the open veſſels were counted vncleane, ſo account that the open mouth hath much vncleanneſſe.

The fourth ſigne is the apparell, for as the pride of the glutton is noted,Luk. 16. 19. in that he went in purple eueryevery day, ſo the humilitie of Iohn is noted, in that he went in hair-cloth eueryevery day.Mar. 1. 6. A modeſt woman is knowne by her ſober attire, as the prophet Eliah was knowne by his rough garment.2. King. 1. 8. Looke not for better within, thē thou ſeeſt without: for eueryevery one ſeemeth better then ſhe is, if the face be vanitie, the heart is pride. He which biddeth thee abſtaine from the ſhew of euill, would hauehave thee to abſtain from thoſe wiues which hauehave the ſhewes of euill:1 The. 5. 22 for it is hard to come in the faſhion, and not to be in the abuſe: and therefore Paul ſaith:Rom. 12. 2. Faſhion not your ſelues like vntounto this world, as though the faſhions of men did declare of what ſide they are.

The fift ſigne is the companie, for birds of a feather wil flie together, and fellowes in ſin, will be fellowes in league,1. Reg. 12. 8. euen as young Rehoboam choſe yong companions. The tame beaſts will not keepe with the wilde, nor the cleane dwell with the leprous. If a man can be knowne by nothing elſe, then he may be knowne by his companions: for like will to like, as Salomon ſayth; Theeues call one another. Therefore when Dauid left iniquitie,Pro. 1. 11. he ſaid; Away from me all ye that worke iniquitie: Pſal. 6. 8.ſhewing, that a man neuer abandoneth euill, vntill he abandon euil companie: for no good is concluded in this Parliament. Therfore chuſe ſuch a companion of thy life, as hath choſen companie like thee before. For they which did chuſe ſuch as loued prophane companions before, in a while were drawne to bee prophane too, that their wiues might louelove them. All theſe properties are not ſpied at three or foure commings, for hypocriſie is ſpun with a fine threed, and none are ſo often deceiued as louers. He which wil know al his wiues qualities before he be married to them, muſt ſee her eating, and walking, and working, and playing, and talking, & laughing, and chiding, or elſe he ſhall hauehave leſſe with her then he looked for, or more then he wiſhed for.

When theſe rules are warilie obſerued, they may ioine together, and ſay as Laban & Bethuel ſaid;Gen. 24. 50. This commeth of the Lord, therfore we will not ſpeake againſt it. How happie are thoſe, in whom Faith, and LoueLove, and Godlineſſe are maried together before they marie themſelues? For none of theſe martiall, and cloudie, and whining mariages can ſay, that Godlineſſe was inuited to their Bridal; and therefore the bleſſings, which are promiſed to godlineſſe, do flie from them.

Now in this choice are two queſtions.Parents conſent in Mariage. Firſt, whether children may marrie without their parents conſent: Second, whether they may marrie with Papiſts or Atheiſts, &c. Touching the firſt,Exod. 20. God ſayth: Honour thy father and thy mother. Now, wherein canſt thou honour them more, then in this honorable action, to which they hauehave preſerued thee, and brought thee vp, which concerneth the ſtate of thy whole life? Agayne, in the firſt inſtitution of Mariage, when there was no father to giuegive conſent, thē our heauenly father gaue his conſent:Gen. 2. 22. God ſupplied the place of the Father, and brought his daughter vntounto her husband, and euer ſince the father after the ſame maner, hath offered his daughter vntounto the husband.

Beſide, there is a law, that if a man defloure a virgin,Exod. 22. he ſhall marrie her: but if the father of the virgin do not like of the marriage, then he ſhall pay vntounto her the dowrie of virgins, that is, ſo much as her virginitie is eſteemed, ſo that the father might allow the mariage, or forbid it.

Againe,Num. 30. 6. there is a law, that if any free man, or free woman make a vow, it muſt bee kept. But if a virgin make a vow, it ſhould not be kept, vnleſſe her father approue it, becauſe ſhe is not free: therefore if ſhee did vow to marrie, yet the father hath power by this law to breake it. Againe, our Sauiour ſaith, that in heauen there is no marrying, nor giuing to marriage, ſhewing that in earth there ſhould be a giuing to marriage, as well as marrying. Therefore the law ſpeaketh vntounto the father, ſaying.Deut. 7. 3. Thou ſhalt not take a wife for thy ſon of ſtrangers. Therefore Paul ſpeaketh to the father,1. Cor. 7. 38. If thou giuegive thy daughter to mariage, thou doeſt well. Iob. 1. 3. & 10.Therefore Iobs children are counted part of Iobs ſubſtance, ſhewing, that as a man hath the diſpoſition of his owne ſubſtance, ſo he hath the diſpoſition of his owne children. Therefore in Mat. 22. 30. the wife is ſayd to be beſtowed in marriage, which ſignifieth, that ſome did giuegive her beſide her ſelfe: therefore it is ſayd,Gen. 29. 18. that Iacob ſerued Laban, … Laban might giuegive him his daughter to wife.1 Sam. 18. 17. … Therefore Saul ſaith to Dauid, I will giuegive thee mine eldeſt daughter to wife:Gen 28. 6. therefore it is ſayd that Iudah tooke a wife to Er his ſonne.Gen. 34. 9. Therefore Sichem ſaith to his Father,Gen. 24. 51. 52. 53. get me this maide to wife. Therefore in the marriage of Iſaac, we ſee Abrahams ſeruant in the place of Iſaac, and Rebecca the mayd and her parents,Iudg. 14 2. ſitting in Parliament together: therefore Sampſon, though he had found a maide to his liking, yet he would not take her to wife, before hee had tolde his parents, and craued their aſſent. It is a ſweete wedding, when the father and the mother bring a bleſſing to the feaſt: and a heauie vnion which is curſed the firſt day that it is knit.

The parents commit their children to Tutors, but themſelues are more then Tutors. If children may not make other contracts without their good will, ſhall they contract marriage, which hauehave nothing to maintaine it after, vnleſſe they return to beg of them whom they ſcorned before.

Wil you take your fathers money, and wil you not take his inſtruction? Mariage hath neede of many Counſellers, and doeſt thou count thy father too many, which is like the foreman of thy inſtructors? If you mark what kinde of youthes they be, which hauehave ſuch haſt, that they dare not ſtay for their parentes aduiſe, they are ſuch as hunt for nothing but beauty, and for puniſhment hereof they marrie to beggerie, and loſe their father and mother for their wife: Therefore honor thy parents in this, as thou wouldeſt that thy children ſhould honour thee.

The ſecond queſtion is anſwered of Paul, when hee ſaith: Be not vnequally yoaked with Infidels. As we ſhould not be yoked with Infidels, ſo we ſhould not be yoked with Papiſts,Mariage with Papiſts, &c. and ſo we ſhould not be yoked with Atheiſts, for that alſo is to be vnequallie yoked,Gen. 24. 3. vnleſſe we be Atheiſts too. As the Iewes might not marrie with the Chananites,Exo. 34. 16. ſo we may not marry with them,Gen. 28. 1. which are like Chananites,Mal. 2. 11. but as the ſonnes of Iacob ſayd vntounto Emor,Ezra. 9. 12. which would marrie their ſiſter;Gen. 34. 14. We may not giuegive our ſiſter to a man vncircumciſed, The ſimilitude holds in their ſaying, & not in their meaning, for they ſpake truely, but they ment falſlie.but if you will be circumciſed like vsus, then we will marrie with you.

So parents ſhould ſay to ſuiters, I may not giuegive my daughter to a man vnſanctified, but if you will be ſanctified, then I will giuegive my daughter vntounto you. Though hereſie and irreligion be not a cauſe of diuorce, as Paul teacheth, yet it is a cauſe of reſtraint, for we may not marry all, with whom we may liue being married. If adultery may ſeparate marriage, ſhall not idolatrie hinder marriage, which is worſe than it?Mat. 29. 6. Chriſt ſaith; Let no man ſeparate whom God hath ioyned, Mark. 10. 9ſo I may ſay, Let no man ioyne whom God doth ſeparate. For if our father muſt be pleaſed with our mariage, much more ſhould we pleaſe that Father which ordeined marriage.

Shall I ſay, Be my wife, to whome I may not ſay,Eſay. 52. 11 Be my companion? Or, Come to my bed, to whom I may not ſay, Come to my table? How ſhould my mariage ſpeed well,2. Iohn. 10. when I marrie one to whom I may not ſay, God ſpeed, becauſe ſhe is none of Gods friends?

If a man long for a bad wife, he were beſt go to hell a wooing, that he may hauehave choice. Is there no friend but the enemie? no tree but the forbidden tree? He marrieth with the diuell, which marrieth with the tempter: for Tempter is his name,Matt. 4. 3. and to tempt is his nature. When a man may chooſe, hee ſhould chooſe the beſt, but this man chooſeth the worſt, like them which call good euill, and euill good.

He praieth Not to be lead into temptation, Luke 11. 4.and leadeth himſelfe into temptation. Surely he doth not feare ſinne, which doth not ſhun occaſions, and hee is worthie to be ſnared which maketh a trap for himſelfe. When Salomon,1. Reg. 11. 1. &c. the mirror of wiſedome, the wonder of the world, the figure of our Lord, by Idolatrous concubines is turned to an Idolater, let no man ſay, I ſhall not be ſeduced: but ſay, how ſhall I ſtand, where ſuch a Cedar fell? The wife muſt be meet, as God ſayd, Gen. 2. 18. But how is ſhe meet, if thou be a chriſtian & ſhe a Papiſt? We muſt marry in the Lord as Paul ſaith,1. Cor. 7. 39. but how doe we marrie in the Lord, when we marrie the Lordes enemies? Our ſpouſe muſt be like Chriſts ſpouſe, but Chriſts ſpouſe is neither harlotte, nor heretike, nor atheiſt. If ſhe be poore, the Lord reproueth not for that; if ſhe be weak, the Lord reproueth not for that; if ſhe be hard fauoured, the Lord reproueth not for that; all theſe wants may be diſpenced with: but none giueth anie diſpenſation for godlineſſe but the diuell. Therefore they which take that priuiledge, are like them which ſeeke to witches, and are guilty of preferring euil before good. This vnequall mariage,Gen. 3. 4. was the chiefe cauſe that brought the floud, and the firſt beginning of Giants, and monſtrous births, ſhewing by their monſtrous children what a monſtrous thing it is,Gen. 6. 2. for beleeuers and vnbeleeuers to match together.

In Matth. 22. Chriſt ſheweth, that before parties married, they were woont to put on faire and new garments,Mat. 22. 11 which were called VVedding garmentes, a warning vntounto all which put on wedding garments,Wedding garment. to put on truth and holineſſe too, which ſo preciſely is reſembled by that garment more then other. It is noted in the fourteenth of Luke, that of all them which were inuited to the Lordes banquet,Note. and came not onelyonly hee which had married a wife,Luk. 14. 21. did not deſire to be excuſed, but ſaid ſtoutly, I cannot come. Shewing how this ſtate dooth occupie a man moſt, and draw him often from the ſeruice of God: and therefore we had not neede to take the worſt, for the beſt are comberſome enough. In the ſecond of Iob,Iob. 2. 9. & 3. 1. it is obſerued of the patient man, that he did not curſe the day of his birth, vntill his wife brake foorth into blaſphemie, ſhewing, that wicked women are able to change the ſtedfaſteſt man, more then all temptations beſide. Sampſon would take a Philiſtian to wife,Iudg. 14. but he loſt his honor, his ſtrength, and his life by her, leaſt any ſhould do the like.

But what a notable warning is that in the 2. Chro. 21. 6. where the holy Ghoſt ſayth:2. Chro. 21. 6 Iehoram walked in the waies of Ahad, for he had the daughter of Ahad to wife, as though it were a miracle if hee had bene better then he was, becauſe his wife was a temptation. Miſerable is that man which is fettered with a woman that liketh not his Religion, ſhee will be nibling at his praier, and at his ſtudie, and at his meditations, till ſhe hauehave tyred his deuotions, and turned the edge of his ſoule, as Dauid was tired of his malapert Michol,2. Sa. 6. 16. ſhe mocked him for his zeale, and liked herſelfe in her follie. Many hauehave fallen at this ſtone:Luk. 16. 32. Therefore as Chriſt ſaith: Remember Lots wife; ſo when thou marrieſt, remember Iehorams wife, and bee not wedded to her which hath not the Wedding garment: but let vnitie goe firſt, and let vnion follow after, and hope not to cōuert her, but feare that ſhe will peruert thee, leaſt thou ſaie after like him which ſhould come to the Lordes banquette, I hauehave married a wife, Luk. 14. 20.and cannot come. Luke 14. 20.

Yet the chiefeſt point is behinde,The duties of mariage that is, our duties. The dueties of marriage may be reduced to the dueties of man and wife one towarde another, and their dueties towarde their children, and their duetie toward their ſeruants. For themſelues, ſaith one, they muſt thinke themſelues like two birdes,Pro. 31. 26. the one is the cocke,The man and wife like Cock and dam▪ and the other is the dam: the cocke flieth abroad to bring in, and the dam ſitteth vponupon the neſt to keepe all at home. So God hath made the man to trauell abroad, and the woman to keepe home: and ſo their nature, and their witte, and their ſtrength, are fitted accordingly; for the mans pleaſure is moſt abroad, and the womans within.

In euerie State there is ſome one vertue which belongeth to that calling more than other: as Iuſtice vntounto Magiſtrates, and Knowledge vntounto Preachers, and Fortitude vntounto Souldiers: ſo LoueLove is the Marriage vertue, which ſignes Muſicke to their whole life.

Wedlocke is made of two loues, which I may call the firſt louelove,Mariage compounded of two loues. and the after louelove. As euerie man is taught to louelove God before hee be bid to louelove his neighbour; ſo they muſt louelove GOD before they can louelove one another.

To ſhewe the louelove which ſhould be betweene man and wife, Mariage is called Coniugium, which ſignifieth a knitting or ioyning together: ſhewing, that vnleſſe there be a ioyning of hearts, and a knitting of affections together, it is not Mariage in deede, but in ſhew and name, and they ſhal dwel in a houſe like two poyſons in a ſtomacke, and one ſhall euer be ſicke of another.

Therefore, firſt that they may louelove, and keepe louelove one with another, it is neceſſarie that they both louelove God, and as their louelove increaſeth toward him, ſo it ſhall increaſe each to other. But the man muſt take heede that his louelove toward his wife be not greater than his louelove toward God,Gen. 3. 6. as Adam & Sampſons were,Iudg 16. 17 for all vnlawfull louelove will turne to hatred, as the louelove of Amon did toward Thamar,2. Sa. 13. 15 and becauſe Chriſt hath forbidden it, therefore hee will croſſe it. This made Vriah ſo fearful,Mat. 10. 36 leaſt the pleaſure of his wife ſhould withdraw his heart from God, that he would not goe to his owne houſe, ſo long as he had cauſe to mourne and pray, although he had a wife which feared God like himſelfe: & that you may ſee it is no cheape dalliance for the husband to make the wife, or the wife to make the husband leſſe zealous then they were. In Deut. 13. the wife which did draw her husband from God is condemned to die: therefore good wiues, when their husbands purpoſe any good, ſhould incourage them like Iacobs wife,Gen. 30. 16. which bade him do according to the word of God, and if they ſee them minded to doe any euill, they ſhould ſtay them,Mat. 17. 19 like the wife of Pylate, which counſayled her husband not to cōdemne Chriſt. For ſeeing holineſſe is called the Wedding garment,Mat. 22. 11 who ſhall weare this wedding garmēt, if they weare it not which are wedded? When one holy hath found another, then the holieſt ſeemeth to make the Mariage, and his angels come to the feaſt.

To paſſe ouer ſleights which ſeldome proſper, vnleſſe they hauehave ſome warrant. The beſt pollicie in mariage is to begin well,Beſt pollicie in mariage to begin wel. for as boords well ioined at the firſt, ſit cloſe euer after, but if they ſquare at the firſt, they warpe more and more: So they which are well ioined, are well maried, but they which offend their louelove before it be ſetled, fade euerie day like a Marigold, which cloſeth her flower as the ſunne goeth down, til they hate one another more then they loued at firſt.

To begin this concord well,They muſt learn one anothers nature. it is neceſſarie to learne one anothers nature, and one anothers affections, and one anothers infirmities, becauſe ye muſt be helpers, and ye cannot helpe vnleſſe you know the diſeaſe. All the iarres almoſt which doe trouble this band, doe riſe of this, that one dooth not hit the meaſure of the others heart, to applie themſelues to eithers nature, whereby it commeth to paſſe, that neyther can refrain when either is offended; but one ſharpeneth another, when they had neede to be calmed. Therefore they muſt learn of Paul to faſhion themſelues one to the other,1. Cor. 9. 20. if they would win one another, and if any iarre doe ariſe, one ſayth; in no wiſe deuide beds for it, for then the ſunne goeth-down vponupon their wrath,Ephe. 4. 25. and the meanes of reconcilement is taken away. GiueGive paſſions no times, for if ſome mans anger ſtand but at night, it turneth to malice which is vncurable.

The Apoſtle ſayth,1. Cor. 11. 19 that there will bee offences in the church: ſo ſure there wilbe many offenſes in mariage: but as he ſaith, theſe are trials who hauehave faith, ſo theſe are but tryals who are good husbands, & who are good wiues. His anger muſt be ſuch a mood, as if he did chide with himſelfe, and their ſtrife as it were a ſauce made of purpoſe to ſharpē their louelove when it waxeth vnpleaſaunt: like Ionathans arrowes which were not ſhot to hurt,1. Sa. 20. 20 but to giuegive warning.A ſweet example teaching how couples ſhall neuer fall out. Knowing once a couple which were both cholerick, and yet neuer fel out, I asked the man how they did order the matter, that their infirmitie did not make them diſcord. He anſwered me, when her fit is vponupon her I yeeld to her, as Abraham did to Sara;Gen. 16. 6. and when my fit is vponupon me, ſhe yeelds to me, and ſo we neuer ſtriue together, but aſunder. Me thought it was a good example to commend vntounto all married folkes: for eueryevery one hath his frenzie and loueth them that can beare his infirmitie. Whom will a woman ſuffer, if ſhe will not ſuffer her husband? and whoſe defects will a man beare, if he will not beare hers which beareth his? Thus much of their duties in generall, now to their ſeuerall offices.

The man may ſpell his dutie out of his name,Ephe. 5. 23. for he is called the Head: to ſhew, that as the eye, and the tongue, and the eare, are in the head, to direct the whole body: ſo the man ſhould be ſtored with wiſdome, and vnderſtanding, & knowledge, and diſcretion, to direct his whole family: for it is not right that the worſe ſhould rule the better, but the better ſhould rule the worſe, as the beſt rules all. The husband ſaith, that his wife muſt obey him becauſe he is her better, therefore if hee let her bee better than himſelfe, he ſeemes to free her from her obedience, and binde himſelfe to obey her.

His firſt duetie is called Harting, The husbands firſt dutie.that is, hartie affection. As they are hand, faſted, ſo they muſt be heart-faſted, for the eye, and the tongue, and the hand, will be her enemies, if the heart be not her friend. As Chriſt draweth all the commaundements to louelove, ſo I may drawe all their dueties to louelove, which is the hearts gift to the bride at her marriage. Firſt, he muſt chooſe his louelove, & then he muſt louelove his choiſe: this is the oyle which maketh all things eaſie. In Salomons ſong, which is nothing elſe but a deſcription of Chriſt the Bridegrome, and the Church his ſpouſe, one calleth the other LoueLove, to ſhew, that though both doe not honour alike, yet both ſhould louelove alike, which the man may doe without ſubiection.

The man is to his wife in the place of Chriſt to his Church:Vnderſtand in his Mariage only. therefore the Apoſtle requireth ſuch an affection of him towardes his Spouſe, as Chriſt beareth towarde his Spouſe:Ephe. 5. 25. for he ſaith; Husbandes louelove your wiues, as Chriſt loued his Congregation, that is, with a holie louelove, and with a heartie louelove, and with a cōſtant louelove, as the Church would be loued of Chriſt. Will not a man louelove his glorie?1. Cor. 11. 7. Why Paul calleth the woman the glorie of the man, for her reuerence makes him to be reuerenced, and her praiſe makes him to be praiſed. Therefore hee which loueth not his wife, loueth his ſhame, becauſe ſhe is his glorie.Ephe. 5. 28. Eph. 5. 28. Paul ſaith, Hee which loueth his wife, loueth himſelfe, for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort, and helpe to himſelfe in all his affaires: therefore in the ſame verſe Paul counſelleth husbands to louelove their wiues as their bodies. And after in the 33. verſe, as though it were too litle to louelove them as their bodies,Leui. 19. 18 he ſaith: Let euerie one louelove his wife as himſelfe, that is, as his bodie and ſoule too. For if God commaunded men to louelove their neighbours as themſelues, much more are they bound to louelove their wiues as themſelues which are their next neighbors. As Elkanah did not louelove his wife leſſe for her barrenneſſe, but ſaid,1. Sam. 1. 8. Am not I better vntounto thee then tenne ſonnes? as though hee fauoured her more, for that which ſhe thought her ſelfe deſpiſed. So a good husband will not take occaſion to louelove his wife leſſe for her infirmities, but comfort her more for them, as this man did, that ſhe may beare with his infirmities too.

When Chriſt ſaith,Mar. 10. 7. that a man ſhould leaue father and mother, and cleaue to his wife, hee ſignifieth how Chriſt left his father for his ſpouſe, and that man doth not louelove his wife ſo much as he ſhould, vntil he affect her more then euer he did his father or mother. Therfore when God bad Abraham forſake all his kinred,Gen. 21. 1. yet he bad him not forſake his wife: as though the other ſometime might be forſaken for God, but the wife muſt be kept for God, like a charge which bindeth for tearme of life.

His next dutie to louelove,The huſbands ſecōd dutie. is a fruit of his louelove: that is, to let all things be common betweene them, which were priuat before. The man & wife are partners,Man and wife are two partners. like two oares in a boate, therefore he muſt diuide offices and affaires, and goods with her, cauſing her to be feared and reuerenced, and obeyed of her children and ſeruants like himſelfe, for ſhe is an vnderunder officer in his Commonweale, and therefore ſhee muſt bee aſſiſted and borne out like his deputie, as the Prince ſtandeth with his magiſtrates for his owne quiet, becauſe they are the legs which beare him vp. To ſhew this communitie betweene husband and wife, he is to maintaine her as he dooth himſelfe, becauſe Chriſt ſayth,Mar. 10. 8. They are no more two but one.

Therefore when hee mayntaineth her, hee muſt thinke it but one charge, becauſe hee mayntaineth no more but himſelfe, for they two are one. He may not ſay as husbands are woont to ſay, That which is thine is mine, and that which is mine is mine owne; but that which is mine is thine and my ſelfe too. For as it is ſayde,Rom. 8 32. Hee which hath giuen vsus his ſonne, can hee denie vsus any thing? So ſhee may ſay, hee which hath giuen mee himſelfe, can hee denie mee any thing? The bodie is better then the goods, therefore if the bodie bee mine, the goods are mine too.

Laſtly,The huſbands laſt dutie. hee muſt tender her as much as all her friends, becauſe he hath taken her from her friends, and couenaunted to tender her for them all. To ſhew how he ſhould tender her,1. Pet. 3. 7. Peter ſayth, Honour the woman as the weaker veſſell. As wee doe not handle glaſſes like pots, becauſe they are weaker veſſels, but touch them nicely and ſoftly, for feare of crackes, ſo a man muſt intreat his wife with gentleneſſe and ſoftneſſe, not expecting that wiſedome, nor that fayth, nor that patience, nor that ſtrength in the weaker veſſel, which ſhould be in the ſtronger; but think when he takes a wife, he takes a vineyard, not grapes, but a vineyard to beare him grapes: therefore he muſt ſowe it, and dreſſe it, and water it, and fence it, and thinke it a good vineyard, if at laſt it bring foorth grapes. So hee muſt not looke to find a wife without a fault, but thinke that ſhe is committed to him to reclaime her from her faults; for all are defectiues: and if he find the prouerbe true, That in ſpace commeth grace, hee muſt reioice as much at his wife when ſhee amendeth, as the Husbandman reioiceth when his Vineyarde beginneth to fructifie.

This is farre from ciuile warres betweene man and wife;Husbands muſt hold their hāds and wiues their tongues. in all his offices is found no office to fight. If hee cannot reforme his wife without beating he is woorthie to bee beaten for chuſing no better: when he hath vſed all meanes that hee may, and yet ſhee is like her ſelfe, hee muſt take her for his croſſe, and ſay with Ieremie, This is my croſſe, and I will beare it. But if he ſtrike her, he takes away his hand from her, which was the firſt part he gaue her to ioine them together: and ſhee may put vp her complaint againſt him, that hee hath taken away part of her goods. Her cheekes are made for thy lippes, and not for thy fiſts.

The verie name of a wife is like the Angel which ſtaied Abrahams hand,Gen. 21. 11. whē the ſtroke was comming. If Dauid, becauſe he could not expreſſe the good and comfort of vnitie, was faine to ſay,Pſal. 133. 1 Oh how good and ioyfull a thing it is, for brethren to dwell together in vnitie! Then weigh and iudge how harſh and bitter a thing it is, for man and wife to dwell together in enmitie. For the firſt yeare after mariage,Deut. 24 9. God would not hauehave the husband goe to warre with his enemies but no yeare would he hauehave him warre with his wife, and therefore God gaue him that yeare to ſtay at home and ſettle his louelove, that he might not warre, nor iarre after: for the God of peace dwelleth not in the houſe of warre.Mat. 12. 29 As a kingdom cannot ſtand if it be deuided, ſo a houſe cannot ſtand if it be deuided: for ſtrife is like fire which leaues nothing but duſt, and ſmoake, and aſhes behinde it. We reade in the Scriptures, of maſters that ſtroke their ſeruants, but neuer of any that ſtroke his wife, but rebuked her.Gen. 19. 33. Lot was drunke when hee laie with his daughter in ſtead of his wife, and ſo is he which ſtriketh his wife in ſtead of his ſeruāt. The law ſheweth how a bond man ſhould be corrected, but the wife is like a iudge, which is ioyned in commiſſion with her husband to correct other.Deut. 23. 2. Wilt thou ſtrike one in his own houſe? no more ſhouldeſt thou ſtrike thy wife in her houſe. She is come to thee as to a ſanctuary to defend her from hurt, and canſt thou hurt her thy ſelfe? Therefore Abraham was called Saras vayle, Gen. 20. 16.becauſe hee ſhould ſhield her; for a vayle is made to ſaue. Abraham ſayd to Lot,Gen. 13. 8. Are we not brethren? that is, may brethren iarre? But they may ſay, Are we not one? can one chide with another? can one fight with another? Hee is a badde hoaſt, that welcomes his gueſt with ſtripes. Dooth a King trample his Crowne?Pro. 12. 4. Salomon calleth the wife, The crowne of her huſband: therefore hee which woundeth her, woundeth his owne honour. Shee is a free Citizen in thine owne houſe, and hath taken the peace of thee the firſt day of her marriage to holde thy handes, till ſhee releaſe thee againe.Gen. 2. 23. Adam ſaith of his ſpouſe, This is fleſh of my fleſh, Ephe. 5. 19.But no man (ſaith Paule) euer hated his owne fleſh. So then, if a man aske whether he may ſtrike his wife, GOD ſaith nay; thou maiſt not hate thy wife, for no man hateth his owne fleſh: ſhewing, that he ſhould not come neare blowes, but thinke his wrath too much:Col. 3. 16. for Paule ſaith, Be not bitter to your wiues, noting that anger in a husband is a vice.

Doth the cocke ſpurre the henne? Euerie man is aſhamed to laie his handes on a woman, becauſe ſhe cannot match him, therefore he is a ſhameles man which laieth hands on his wife. The hand dooth not buffet his own cheeke, but ſtroake it. If a man be ſeene raging with himſelfe, he is caried to Bedlem: ſo theſe madde men which beat themſelues, ſhould be ſent to Bedlem till their madneſſe be gone.Pro. 5. 16. Salomon ſayth, Delight continuallie in her louelove: that is, begin, proceed, and end in louelove. In reuenge whereof, he ſheweth that delight is gone, becauſe he calleth louelove their delight.1. Tim. 3. 3… Therfore as Paul ſaith of Biſhops; A Biſhop muſt be no ſtriker: Of his wifeſo a husband muſt be no ſtriker:Leu. 19. 28. for he which ſtriketh his own fleſh,Deut. 14. …. breaketh that law which ſayth,1. King. 18. 28. Thou ſhalt not make a skarre in thy flesh: and is like the Baalites,It is properlyment in mourning for the dead, but it doth imply an vnlawfulneſſe to hurt our ſelues. which wounded their owne bodies. Thus we hauehave ſent a letter vntounto husbāds to read before they fight. Now let vsus go home to louelove againe. Wouldeſt thou learne how to make thy match delightfull? Salomon ſayd, Reioice in her louelove continually. As though thou couldeſt not delight without louelove, and with louelove thou maiſt delight continually. Therefore louelove is called the thankfull vertue,Prou. 5. 19. becauſe it rendereth peace and eaſe, and comfort to them that makes of her. So much to husbands.

Likewiſe the woman may learne her dutie of her names.The womans duties. They are called goodwiues, as good wife A. and goodwife B. Euerie wife is called a good wife, therefore if they be not good wiues, their names doe belie them, and they are not worth their titles, but anſwere to a wrong name, as plaiers doe vppon a ſtage. This name pleaſeth them well:Phil. 4. 3. but beſide this, a wife is called a Yoake-fellow, to ſhewe that ſhe ſhould helpe her husband to beare his yoak, that is, his griefe muſt be her griefe; and whether it be the yoake of pouertie, or the yoake of enuie, or the yoake of ſicknes, or the yoake of impriſonment, ſhe muſt ſubmit her neck to beare it patiently with him, or els ſhe is not his yoak-fellow, but his yoake, as though ſhe were inflicted vponupon him for a penaltie,Iob. 2. 9. like to Iobs wife, whom the diuell left to torment him, when hee tooke away all he had beſide.Rom. 12. 19 The Apoſtle biddeth to Reioyce with them that reioyce, and mourne with them that mourne. With whom ſhould the wife reioyce, rather then with her husband? or with whom ſhould ſhe mourne, rather then with her owne fleſh?2. King. 2. 6. I will not leaue thee, ſaith Eliſha to Eliah: ſo ſhe ſhould neuer leaue him till death.Gal. 6. 2. Beare one anothers burthen, ſaith Paul, who ſhall beare one anothers burthen, if the wife doe not beare the husbandes burthen?1. King. 21. 5. Wicked Iezabell comforted her husband in his ſickneſſe,1. Kin. 14 4. and Ieroboams wife ſought for his health, though ſhe was as bad as he. God did not bid Sarah leaue her father, and her country, as he bad her husband; yet becauſe he bad Abraham leaue his,Gen. 12. 1. ſhe left hers too: ſhewing that ſhe was content, not onelyonly to be his play-fellow, but his yoake-fellow too.

Beſide a yoke-fellow,Gen. 2. 18. ſhe is called a helper, to help him in his buſines, to helpe him in his labours, to helpe him in his troubles, to helpe him in his ſickneſſe: like a woman Phiſition, ſometime with her ſtrength, and ſometime with her counſell:1. Cor. 1. 27. for ſometime as God confoundeth the wiſe by the fooliſh, and the ſtrong by the weake: ſo he teacheth the wiſe by the fooliſh, and helpeth the ſtrong by the weake.

Therefore Peter ſaith,1. Pet. 3. 1. Husbands are wonne by the conuerſation of their wiues. As if hee ſhould ſay, ſometime the weaker veſſell is the ſtronger veſſell,Gen. 25. 2. and Abraham may take coū ſell of Sara,2. King. 5. 8. as Naaman was aduiſed by his ſeruant.2. Kin. 6. 10. The Shunamites counſell made her husband receiue a Prophet into his houſe, and Heſters counſell made her husband ſpare the Church:Hest. 7. 3. ſo ſome hauehave beene better helpers to their husbandes, then their husbandes hauehave beene to them, for it pleaſeth God to prouoke the wiſe with the fooliſh, as he did the Iewes with the Gentiles.

Beſide a helper,Pro. 5. 18. ſhee is called a Comforter too, and therfore the man is bid reioyce in his wife: which is as much to ſay, that wiues muſt be the reioycing of their husbandes, euen like Dauids harpe to comfort Saule.1. Sa. 16. 23 Therefore it is ſaide of Rebeccah, that ſhe prepared meate for her husband,Gen. 27. 9. ſuch as he loued; ſo a good wife is knowne when her wordes, and deedes, and countenances are ſuch as her husband loueth ſhe muſt not examine whether hee be wiſe or ſimple, but that ſhee is his wife: and therefore they which are bound muſt obey, as Abigail loued her husband though hee were a foole:1. Sa. 25. 3. for the wife is as much deſpiſed for taking rule ouer her husband, as he for yeelding it vntounto her. Therefore one ſaith, that a mankinde woman is a monſter, that is, halfe a woman, and halfe a man. It becomes not the miſtreſſe to be maiſter, no more than it beſeemeth the maiſter to be miſtreſſe, but both to ſaile with their owne winde.

Lastly, we call the wife Huſwife: that is, house-wife,Gen. 38. 14. not a ſtreete wife, like Thamar, nor a field-wife,Gen. 34. 2. like Dinah:Whye wiues are called huſwies. but a houſe-wife, to ſhewe that a good wife keepes her houſe, and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they be chaſte, and keeping at home:Tit. 2. 5. preſently after Chaſte, he ſaith keeping at home, as thogh home were chaſtities keeper. And therefore Salomon depainting the whore,Pro. 7. 12. ſetteth her at the doore, now ſitting vponupon her ſtalles, now walking in the ſtreetes, now looking out at the windowes, like curſed Iezabel; as if ſhee held foorth the glaſſe of temptation,2. Reg. 9. 30 for Vanitie to gaze vponupon. But chaſtitie careth to pleaſe but one, & therefore ſhee keepes her cloſet, as if ſhee were ſtill at praier.Gen. 18. 9. The Angell asked Abraham, Where is thy wife? Abraham anſwered, Shee is in the Tent. The Angell knew where ſhe was, but yet he asked, that we might ſee how women in old time did keep their tents and houſes. It is recorded of the Shunamite that ſhe did aſke her husband leaue to goe vntounto the Prophet,2. Reg. 9. 30 though ſhe went to a Prophet, and went of a good errand, and for his cause as much as her owne, yet ſhe thought it not meete to go far abroad without her husbands leaue.

Phidias when he ſhould paynt a woman, painted her ſitting vnderunder a Snailes ſhell, ſignifying, that ſhe ſhould go like a ſnaile, which carrieth his houſe vponupon his backe. Salomon bad Shimei,1. Reg. 2. 36. 37. Go not beyond the riuer: ſo a wife ſhould teach her feete, goe not beyonde the doore:Husbands ſhould not keep their wiues ſo ſtrait, but …iues ſhould not think their houſe their priſon, but as their paradiſe where they wold be. ſhe muſt count the walles of her houſe like the bandes of the riuer which Shimei might not paſſe if he would pleaſe the king.

For when Adam was away. Eue was made a praie: if her husband be from her, vntill he returne againe ſhe muſt thinke her ſelfe a widowe, that is, ſeparate from man; for Vidua doth ſignifie, A viro diuiſa: that is, widowe doth ſignifie diuided from man: therefore now ſhe muſt hauehave no fellowſhip, nor companie with men, becauſe ſhe is deuided from man.

As it becommeth her to keepe home, ſo it becommeth her to keepe ſilence, and alway ſpeake the beſt of her head. Other ſeeke their honour in triumph, but ſhe muſt ſeek her honour in reuerence, for it becommeth not anie woman to ſet light by her husband, nor to publiſh his infirmities. For they ſay that is an euill:A wife may not vtter her husbands faultes. bird that defileth her owne neſt, and if a wife vſe her husband ſo, how may the huſband vſe the wife? Becauſe this is the qualitie of that ſexe, to ouerthwart, and vpbraide, and ſue the preheminence of their husbandes, therfore the Philoſophers could not tell how to define a wife,A wife the contrarie to a huſband. but called her, The contrarie to a husband, as though nothing were ſo croſſe and contrarie to a man, as a wife. This is not ſcripture, but no ſlaunder to many.

As Dauid exalted the louelove of women aboue all other loues,2. Sa. 1. 26. ſo Salomon mounteth the enuie of women aboue all other enuies:Pro. 21. 19. ſtubborn, ſullen, taunting, gainſaying, outfacing, with ſuch a bitter humor, that one would think they were molten out of the ſalt pillar,Gen. 19. 26 into which Lots wife was transformed. We ſay not al are alike, but this ſect hath many Diſciples.Gen. 2. 20. Dooth the ribbe that is in mans ſide fret or gaule him? no more then ſhoulde ſhe which is made of the rib.

Though a woman be wiſe, and painefull, and hauehave many good parts, yet if ſhe bee a ſhrow, her troublſome iarring in the end will make her honeſt behauiour vnpleaſant, as her ouer-pinching at laſt cauſeth her good huſwiferie to bee euill ſpoken of. Therefore although ſhe be a wife, yet ſomtimes ſhe muſt obſerue the ſeruants leſſon,Tit. 2. 9. Not anſwering againe, and hold her peace, to keepe the peace. Therefore they which keepe ſilence, are well ſaid to hold their peace, becauſe ſilence oftentimes dooth keepe the peace, when wordes would breake it.

To her ſilence and patience, ſhe muſt adde The acceptable obedience, which makes a woman rule while ſhe is ruled. This is the wiues tribute to her husband: for ſhee is not called his head, but he is called her head. Great cauſe hath man to make much of his wife, for great and many are her duties to him, for Paul ſaith;Epheſ. 5. 23 Wiues ſubmit your ſelues vntounto your husbands, as to the Lord. Shewing that ſhee ſhould regard his will as the Lords will,How farre the wife ſhould obey. but withall, as the Lord commandeth onelyonly that which is good and right, ſo ſhe ſhould obey her husband in good & right, or elſe ſhe doth not obey him as the Lord, but as the tempter. The firſt ſubiection of woman began at ſinne: for when God curſed her for ſeducing her husband,Gen. 3. 16. when the Serpent had ſeduced her, he ſaid, He ſhall hauehave authoritie ouer thee. And therefore as the man named all other creatures,Gen. 2. 20. in ſigne that they ſhould be ſubiect to him, as a ſeruant which commeth when his maſter calleth him by his name: ſo did he name the woman alſo,Verſe 23. in token that ſhee ſhould be ſubiect to him likewiſe. And therfore Aſſuerus made a law,Heſt. 1. 20. 22. that eueryevery man ſhould beare rule in his owne houſe, and not the woman,Num. 30. 7. becauſe ſhe ſinned firſt, therefore ſhe is humbled moſt:Iudg. 19. 26 & euer ſince, the daughters of Sara are bound to call their husbandes Lords,Gen. 18. 12 as Sara called her husband: that is, to take them for their Lords,1. Pet. 3. 6. for heads and gouernors. If ye diſdaine to follow Abrahams ſpouſe, the apoſtle biddeth you folow Chriſts ſpouſe:Epheſ. 5. 24. for he ſaith; Let a wife, be ſubiect to her husband, as the church is to Chriſt. A greater louelove then this (ſaith Chriſt) no man can hauehave So a better example then this,Iohn 15. 13 no woman can hauehave. That the wife may yeeld this reuerence to her husband,The cauſe why many deſpiſe their huſbands. Paul would hauehave her attire to be modeſt and orderly, for gariſh apparell hath taught many goſſips to diſdaine their husbands. This is the follie of ſome men, to lay all their pride vponupon their wiues,1. Tim. 2. 9. they care not how they ſlouen themſelues, ſo their wiues iette like Peacockes.1. Pet. 3. 5. But Peter doth commend Sara for her attire, and not Abraham, ſhewing that women ſhould braue it no more then men,Gen. 3. 21. and God made Eues coat of the ſame cloath that he made Adams.Ger. 3. 7. They couered themſelues with leaues, and God derided them, but now they couer themſelues with pride, like Sathan which is fallen down before them like lightning,Luk. 10. 18. ruffe vponupon ruffe, lace vponupon lace, cut vponupon cut, four & twentie orders, vntil the woman be not ſo precious as her apparell: that if any man would picture Vanitie, he muſt take a pattern of women, or elſe he cannot draw her likenes.Mat. 14. 6. As Herodias was worſe for her fine dauncing: ſo a woman may hauehave too many ornaments, friſled locks, naked breſts, painting, perfume, & eſpecially a rolling eye are the forerunners of adulterie, and hee which hath ſuch a wife, hath a fine plague. Once women were maried without dowries, becauſe they were well nurtured, but now if they weighed not more in golde then in godlineſſe, many ſhould ſitte like Nunnes without husbands. Thus we hauehave ſhadowed the mans dueties to his wife, and the womans to her husband.

After their duties one to another,Their duties to their ſeruants. they muſt learne their duties to their familie. One compareth the maiſter of the houſe to the Seraphin,Eſay. 6. 6. which came & kindled the prophets zeale: ſo he ſhould go from wife to ſeruants, and from ſeruants to children, and kindle thē in the zeale of God, longing to teach his knowledge, as a Nurſe to emptie her breſts. Another ſayth,Reuel. 5. 10. that a maiſter in his familie hath all the offices of Chriſt, for he muſt rule, and teach, and pray; rule like a king, and teach like a prophet, and pray like a Prieſt. To ſhew how a godly man ſhould behaue himſelf in his houſhold: whē the holy Ghoſt ſpeaketh of the conuerſion of any houſekeeper,Acts 16. 13 & 18. 8. lightly he ſaith, That the man beleeued, with all his houſhold.

As Peter being conuerted,Luk. 22. 23. muſt conuert his brethren; ſo the maiſter being conuerted, muſt conuert his ſeruants. For therfore God ſaid, that he would not hide his counſel from Abraham, because he would teach his familie, and ſurely all dutie which is not done of conſcience, is but ey-ſeruice, and fayleth at moſt need. as Ziba betrayed his mayſter, when he ſhould hauehave defended him. Therefore before Oneſimus was conuerted, Paul ſaid he was an vnprofitable ſeruant,Phil. 18. but whē hee was conuerted, he calleth him more then ſeruant, becauſe ſuch a ſeruant is better then many ſeruants.

Therfore though Laban was wicked himſelfe,Gen. 29. 27. yet hee reioyced that Iacob his ſeruaunt was godlie, becauſe God bleſſed him better for him.Ioſh. 14. 55 Ioſhua ſayth: I and my houſhold will ſerue the Lord. Shewing, that maiſters ſhould receiue none into their houſes, but whome they can gouerne, as Ioſhua did: and if any hauehave crept into their doores, then they muſt put him foorth againe, for Dauid ſayth: I will not ſuffer a lyar to ſtay in my houſe, Pſal. 101. 7. Hee ſayth not, a ſwearer, nor a theefe, but a lyer, as if he ſhould ſay, I will rid him out of my doores before he be a ſwearer, and a theefe, for a lyer will grow to a ſwearer and a theefe in a daye, as a Dicer groweth to a begger in a night. Therefore it is noted of Cornelius,Acts 10. 2. that all his houſhold ſerued God himſelfe. This is reported alſo of Ioſeph and Marie for an example, that they went vp eueryevery yeare with all their families,Luke 2. 41. to worſhip at Ieruſalem, that their children, & their ſeruants might learne to know God as well as they. Theſe examples be written for houſholders, as others are for magiſtrates & miniſters and ſoldiors, that no calling might ſeek further then the Scripture for inſtruction. Wherefore as you are maiſters now, and they your ſeruants inſtruct them, and train them, as if you would ſhew what maiſters they ſhould be hereafter.

After the care of their ſoules, they muſt care for their bodies:Luke 10. 7. for if the laborer is worthie of his hire which laboureth but a day; what is the ſeruant worth, which laboureth eueryevery day?Philem. 17. Therefore Paul is ſo earneſt with Philemon to make much of Oneſimus his ſeruant, that he deſireth Philemon to receiue him as he would himſelfe. Therfore becauſe cruell & greedie maſters ſhould not vſe them too hardly,Gen. 2. 2. God remembred them in his creation, and made eueryevery weeke one day of reſt, wherein they ſhould be as free as their maiſters: ſo God pittieth the labourer from heauen, and eueryevery Sabboth lookes downe vponupon him from heauen, as if he ſhould ſay, one day thy labors ſhall hauehave an end, and thou ſhalt reſt for euer,2. Sam. 18. 5 as thou reſtedſt this day.

By this we ſee, as Dauid did limit Ioab that he ſhould not kil Abſalon; ſo God hath boūd maiſters, that they ſhould not oppreſſe their ſeruants? Shall God reſpect thine more then thou? Art thou made freſher to thy labor by a little reſt, & is not thy ſeruant made ſtronger by reſt to labour for thee?Gen. 31. 9. How many beaſts and ſheepe did Laban loſe, onelyonly for hardly intreating of a good ſeruaunt? therefore that is the way to loſe, but not to thriue. Hee which counteth his ſeruant a ſlaue, is in an error: for there is difference betweene beleeuing ſeruants, and infidell ſeruants: the infidels were made ſlaues to the Iewes, becauſe God hated them, and would humble them; but their brethren did ſerue them like helpers, which ſhould be trained by them.

It is not a baſe nor vile thing to bee called a ſeruaunt,Eſay. 42. 1. for our Lord is called a ſeruaunt:Mat. 12. 18 which teacheth Chriſtians, to vſe their ſeruaunts well for Chriſtes ſake, ſeeing they are ſeruants too, and hauehave one maiſter Chriſt. As Dauid ſpeaketh of man, ſaying:Pſa. 8. 6. Thou haſt made him a little lower then the Angels; ſo I may ſay of ſeruaunts, that God hath made them a little lower then children, not children, but the next to children, as one would ſay inferior children, or ſonnes in law.

And therefore the houſholder is called Pater familias: which ſignifieth, a Father of his familie, becauſe he ſhould hauehave a fatherly care ouer his ſeruants, as if they were his children: and not vſe them onelyonly for their labour, like beaſts.

Beſides, the name of a ſeruaunt, dooth not ſignifie ſuffering, but doing; therfore maſters muſt not exerciſe their hands vpō them but ſet their hands to worke,1. Cor. 12. 13 and yet as God layeth no more vponupon his ſeruaunts then hee makes them able to beare, ſo men ſhould laie no more vponupon their ſeruaunts then they are able to beare.Pro. 12. 10. For a good man (ſaith Salomon) will be mercifull to his beaſt, and therefore hee will bee more mercifull to his brother.

That mā is not worthie to be ſerued which cannot affoord that his ſeruants ſhould ſerue God as well as himſelfe. GiueGive vntounto God that which is Gods, and then thou maiſt take that which is thine. He that careth not for his familie (ſaith Paul) is worſe then an infidell: 1. Tim. 5. 8.becauſe infidels care for their familie. But as Agur praieth,Pro. 30. 8. GiueGive me not too much nor too litle, but feed me with food conuenient: ſo their care ſhould not be too much nor too little, but cō ueniēt, or elſe they are worſe then infidels to, becauſe couetouſnes is called Idolatry,Epheſ. 5. 5. which is worſe then infidelitie, for it is leſſe rebellion not to honor the king then to ſet vp another king againſt him, as the Idolatrous do againſt the king of heauen.

Next vntounto ſeruants inſtruction and labors, muſt bee conſidered their corrections. As Paul ſaith,Epheſ. 6. 4. Fathers prouoke not your childrē to wrath: So may I ſay, Maiſters prouoke not your ſeruants to wrath: that is, vſe ſuch reproofes, and ſuch corrections, that you do not prouoke them, but moue them, that you do not exaſperate them, but winne them, for reuiling wordes and vnreaſonable fierceneſſe, doth more hurt then good. And therefore the law of God did charge the maiſter, that he ſhould not inflict aboue fortie ſtripes vponupon his ſeruant,Deut. 25. 2. leaſt he ſhould ſeeme deſpiſed in his eyes For while a childe, or ſcholler, or ſeruant doth thinke that he is reproued for louelove, or beaten with reaſon, it makes him thinke of his fault and is aſhamed: but when hee ſeeth that he is rebuked with curſes, & beaten with ſtaues, as though they were hated like a dog, his heart is hardned againſt the man which correcteth him, and the fault for the which he is corrected, and after he becommeth deſperate, like a horſe which turneth vponupon the ſtriker: and therfore thinke that God euen then chides you whenſoeuer you chide in ſuch rage. For though there be a fault, yet ſome thinges muſt be winkt at, and ſome thinges muſt be forgiuen, and ſome puniſhed with a looke, for hee which takes the forfeite of euerie offence, ſhall neuer bee in anie reſt, but vexe himſelfe more then his ſeruant.

Further I hauehave heard experience ſay,The maiſter muſt correct his men, and the miſtreſſe her maides. that in theſe puniſhments it is moſt meet and acceptable to the offender, that the man ſhould correct his men, and the woman her maides: for a mans nature ſcorneth to be beaten of a woman, and a maides nature is corrupted with the ſtripes of a man. Therefore wee reade, that Abraham would not meddle with his mayd, but committed her to his wife, and ſaid,Gen. 16. 6. Doe with her as it pleaſeth thee: as if hee ſhould ſay, It belongeth not to mee but to thee.

Laſtly we put the dutie toward children,Their duties toward their children. becauſe they come laſt to their handes. In Latin children are called pignora, that is, pledges, as if I ſhould ſay, a pledge of the husbands louelove to the wife, and a pledge of the wiues louelove toward the husband: for there is nothing which doth ſo knit louelove between the man and the wife, as the frute of the wombe. Therefore when Leah began to conceiue, ſhe ſayd, now my husband will louelove me;Gen. 28. 31. as though the husband did louelove for children. If a woman hauehave many defects (as Leah had) yet this is the mendes which ſhe makes her husband, to bring him children, which is the right wedding Ring, that ſealeth and maketh vp the marriage. When their father and mother fall out, they perke vp betweene thē like litle mediators, and with many pretie ſportes make truce when other dare not ſpeake to them. Therefore now let vsus conſider what theſe little ones may challenge of their parents, that ſtand them in ſtead of Lawyers. Before we teach parents to louelove their children, they had need be taught not to louelove them too much, for Dauids darling, was Dauids traitor: and this is the manner of God, when a man begins to ſet any thing in Gods roome, and louelove it aboue him which gaue it, either to take away it, or to take away him, before hee prouoke him too much; therefore if parentes wold hauehave their children liue, they muſt take heed to louelove them too much: for the giuer is offended, when the gift is more eſteemed than he.

The firſt duetie is the mothers,Mothers ſhould nurſe their children. that is, to nurſe her childe at her own breſtes, as Sara did Iſaac, and therefore Eſay ioyneth the nurſes name and the mothers name both in one: & calleth them nurſing mothers, Gen. 21. 7.ſhewing, that mothers ſhould be the nurſes. So when God thoſe a nurſe for Moſes,Exod. 2. 8. he led the hand maid … Pharaos daughter to his mother, as though God would hauehave none nurſe him but his mother. After, whē the ſon of God was born, his father thoght none fit to be his nurſe,Mat. 2. 14. but the virgin his mother. The earths fountaines are made to giuegive water, and the breſtes of women are made to giuegive ſuck. EueryEvery beaſt, and eueryevery foule is bred of the ſame that did beare it, onelyonly women louelove to be mothers, but not nurſes.

Therefore if their Children proue vnnaturall, they may ſay, thou followeſt thy mother, for ſhe was vnnaturall firſt, in locking vp her breſts from thee, and committing thee forth like a Cuckow to be hatched in a Sparrowes neſt. Hereof it comes that we ſay, He ſuckt euill from the dug, that is, as the Nurſe is affected in her bodie, or in her minde, commonly the childe draweth the like infirmitie from her, as the egges of a Henne are altered vnderunder the Hauke; yet they which hauehave no milke, can giuegive no milke. But whoſe breaſtes hauehave this perpetuall drought? Forſooth it is lyke the goute, no beggers may hauehave it, but Citizens or Gentlewomen. In the ninth chapter of Hoſea, thy breſtes are named for a curſe: what lamentable happe hauehave Gentlewomen, to light vponupon this curſe more then other? ſure if their breaſts be drie as they ſay, they ſhould faſt and pray together, that this curſe migro be remoued from them.

The next dutie is,Prou. 22. 6. Catechize a childe in his youth, How children ſhuld be broght vp.and he will remember it when he is olde: This is the right bleſſing which fathers and mothers giuegive to their children, when they cauſe God to bleſſe them too.1. Re. 3. 26. The wrong mother cared not though the childe were deuided, but the right mother would not hauehave it deuided: ſo wicked Parents care not though their children be deſtroied, but godly parents would not hauehave them deſtroyed but ſaued, that when they hauehave dwelt together in earth, they may dwell together in heauen. As the Midwife frameth the bodie when it is young and tender, ſo the parents muſt frame the minde while it is greene and flexible, for youth is the ſeed time of vertue.Luke 11. 2. They which are called fathers, are called by the name of God, to warne them that they are in ſtead of God to their children, which teacheth all his ſons. What example hauehave children but their parents? and ſure the prouidence of God doth eaſe their charge more than they are aware; for a childe will learne better of his father than of anie other.Except of kings ſons. And therefore wee read of no Schoolemaiſters in the ſcripture but the Parents: for when Chriſt ſaith to the Iewes,Ioh. 8. 38. If yee be the ſonnes of Abraham, yee will doe the workes of your Father Abraham: he ſheweth, that ſonnes vſe to walke in their Fathers ſteppes, whether they bee good or bad.

It is a maruellous delight to the father and mother, when people ſay that their children are like them: but if they be like them in godlineſſe, it is as great delight to other as to the parents: or elſe we ſay that they are ſo like, that they are the worſe for it. Well doth Dauid call children arrowes, Pſal. 127. 4for if they be wel bred, they ſhoote at their parents enemies, and if they be euill bred they ſhoote at their parents. Therefore many fathers want a ſtaffe to ſtay them in their age, becauſe they prepared none before, like olde Eli, which was corrected himſelfe,1. Sa. 2. 29. for not correcting his ſonnes. Are not children called the fruite of their parents?Pſ. 132. 11. Therefore as a good tree is knowne by bringing foorth good fruite,Mat. 12. 33 ſo parents ſhould ſhewe their godlineſſe in the education of their children, which are their fruite.1. Sa. 1. 20. For this cauſe the Iewes were wont to name their children ſo whē they were borne,1. Sa. 13. 24. that euer after, if they did but thinke vppon their names, they would put them in mind of that religion which they ſhould profeſſe: for they did ſignifie ſome thing that they ſhould learne.

An admonition to ſuch as call their children at all aduentures,Three examples of good parents. ſomtime by the names of dogs, euen as they proue after. In 1. Kings 2. 2. we hauehave Dauid inſtructing his ſonnes. In Gen. 39. Iacob correcting his ſonnes: and in Iob. 1. Iob praying for his ſonnes. Theſe three put together, inſtructing, correcting & praying, make good children, and happie parents.

Once Chriſt tooke a childe, and ſet him in the midſt of his diſciples,Luke 18. 17 and ſayd, He which will receiue the kingdome of heauen, muſt receiue it as a little childe: ſhewing, that our children ſhould be ſo innocent, ſo humble, and voide of euill, that they may be taken for examples of the children of God. Therefore in Pſalme 127. 4. children are called the heritage of the Lord, to ſhew that they ſhould be trained, as though they were not mens children, but Gods, that they may hauehave Gods heritage after.Col. 4. 15. Thus if you doo, your ſeruants ſhall be Gods ſeruants,Phil. 1. 8. and your children ſhall be Gods children, and your houſe ſhall be Gods houſe, like a little Church, when others are like a denne of theeues.

Now I ſpeake to one which is a mother ſo ſoone as ſhe is married:The name of ſtepmother expounded, and their dutie. therefore peraduenture you looke that I ſhould ſhewe the dutie of ſtepmothers. Their name dooth ſhewe them their duetie too, for a ſtepmother doth ſignifie a ſtedmother, that is, one mother dieth, and another commeth in her ſtead: therefore that your louelove may ſettle to thoſe little ones as it ought, you muſt remember that ye are their ſtedmother, that is in ſted of their mother, and therefore to louelove them, and tender them, and cheriſh them as their mother did. She muſt not looke vponupon them like Rehoboam, who tolde his people that hee would be worſe vntounto them then his predeceſſour; for then they will turne from her, as his ſubiects did from him: but ſhe muſt come to them as Dauid came to the people after Saules death, and ſayd,1. Sam. 2. 7. Though your maſter Saul be dead, yet I will raigne ouer you: ſo ſhe muſt ſay to them, though your mother be dead, yet will I be a mother: ſo the children will louelove her aſmuch as their father. Further, theſe children are orphanes, and therefore you muſt not onelyonly regarde them as children, but as orphane children.Iere. 22. 2. Now God requireth a greater care ouer widowes and Orphanes,Deu. 14. 17. & 24. 17. & 26. 12. than ouer anie other women or children.

Laſtly, you muſt remember that ſaying, As you meaſure vntounto other, Mat. 7. 2.ſo it ſhall be meaſured vntounto you againe: that is, as you intreate theſe children ſo another may come after and intreat your children; for he which hath taken away the firſt mother and ſent you, can take away the ſeconde mother and ſende a third, which ſhall not be like a ſtepmother to yours, vnleſſe you be like a ſtepmother to theſe.

If theſe duties bee performed in marriage, then I neede not ſpeake of Diuorcement,Diuorcement, the phiſick of mariage. which is the rod of mariage, and diuideth them which were one fleſh, as if the bodie and ſoule were parted aſunder. But becauſe all performe not their wedlocke vowes, therfore hee which appointed mariage, hath appointed diuorcement, as it were taking our priuilege from vsus,Mat. 18. 19 when we abuſe it. As God hath ordained remedies for eueryevery diſeaſe, ſo he hath ordained a remedie for the diſeaſe of mariage.Mat. 19. 8. The diſeaſe of marriage is adulterie,Why Chriſt would hauehave no diuorcement but for fornication. and the medicine hereof is diuorcement. Moſes licenſed them to depart for hardneſſe of heart, but Chriſt licenſeth them to depart for no cauſe but adulterie. If they might be ſeparated for diſcord, ſome would make a commoditie of ſtrife: but now they are not beſt to be contentious, for this law will hold their noſes together, till wearines make them leaue ſtrugling: like two ſpaniels which are coupled in a chaine, at laſt they learne to goe together, becauſe they may not go aſunder. As nothing might part friends,Mat. 5. 32. but If thine eye offend thee, pull it out, that is, if thy friend be a tempter: ſo nothing may diſſolue mariage but fornication,Mat. 19. 9. which is the breach of marriage, for marriage is ordained to auoide fornication,1. Cor. 7. 10 and therefore if the condition be broken, the obligation is void.

And beſide, ſo long as all her children, are his children, ſhe muſt needs be his wife, becauſe the father and mother are man & wife: but when her children are not his children, ſhe ſeemes no more to be his wife, but the others whoſe children ſhe beares, and therefore to be diuorced from him. In all the old Teſtament,Note. we read of no diuorce betweene any, which ſheweth that they liued chaſter then wee: yet no doubt this law was better executed amongſt them, then amongeſt vsus. Such a care God hath had in all ages and callings, to prouide for them which liue honeſtly: for diuorcement is not inſtituted for the carnall, but for the chaſt, leaſt they ſhould be tied to a plague while they liue. As for the adulterer & adultreſſe,Leu. 20. 10. he hath aſſigned death to cut them off, leaſt their breath ſhould infect others. Thus hee which made mariage, did not make it vnſeparable, for then mariage were a ſeruitude. But as Chriſt ſayth of the Sabboth,Mar. 2. 27. The Sabboth was made for man, that is, for the benefit of man, and not for the hindrance of man: ſo mariage was made for man, that is, for the honour of man, & not for the diſhonor of mā:Leu. 20. 10. but if mariage ſhould turne to fornication, and when it is turned to fornication, there might be no ſeparatiō, then mariage were not for the honor of man, but for the trouble, & greefe, & diſhonor of man. Therfore now ye hauehave heard how diuorcemēt is appointed for a remedie of fornicatiō, if any be aſhamed of this phiſick, let thē be more aſhamed of the diſeaſe.Concluſion. Becauſe I hauehave ſpoken more then you can remember, if you aske me what is moſt needful to bear away, In my opiniō,A ſentence for the maried to thinke vponupon. there is one ſaying of Paul, which is the profitableſt ſentēce in al the ſcripture for mā & wife to meditate often, & examin whether they find it in themſelues as they do in other, leaſt their mariage turn to ſin, which ſhould further them in godlines.1. Cor. 7. 32. The vnmaried man careth for the things of the Lord, how he may pleaſe the Lord, but he that is maried careth for the things of the world, how hee may pleaſe his wife. Alſo, The vnmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, how ſhe may be holy, but ſhee that is maried, cares for the things of the world, how ſhe may pleaſe her husbād. As though their pleaſing of god, wer turned al to pleaſing one another, & their carnall louelove had eaten their ſpiritual louelove,Gen. 41. 4. as the lean kine deuourd the fat. Therfore it follows in the next words,Ver. 3. 4. This I ſpeake for your cōmoditie, As thogh there were great cōmoditie in remembring this watchword. All men hauehave not the feeling of Gods word, or els ſuch a ſentēce might be an anker for the maried to ſtay thē, when any tentatiō goeth about this chaunge, which Paul feared euen in them which feared GOD before.

If thou haſt read all this booke, and art neuer the better, yet catch this flower before thou go out of the garden, and peraduenture the ſent thereof will bring thee back to ſmell the reſt.1. Sam. 1. 23 As the corps of Azael made the paſſengers to ſtand, ſo I placed this ſentence in the dore of thy paſſage, to make thee ſtand & conſider what thou dooſt before thou marrieſt. For this is the ſcope and operation of it, to cal the mind to a ſolemne meditation, and warne him to liue in mariage as in a temptation, which is like to make him woorſe then he was,2. Chr. 21. 6 as the mariage of Iehoram did, if he vſe not Iobs preſeruatiue,Iob. 9. 28. to be iealous ouer all his life.

The allurements of beautie, the trouble about riches, the charges of children, the loſſes by ſeruants, the vnquietneſſe of neighbours crie vntounto him that hee is entered into the hardeſt vocation of all other: and therefore they which hauehave but nine yeares Prentiſhip to make them good Mercers or Drapers, hauehave nineteene yeares before marriage, to learne to be good husbands and wiues, as though it were a trade of nothing but myſteries, and need of double time ouer all the reſt.

Therfore ſo often as you thinke vponupon this ſaying, thinke whether you be examples of it,Gen. 24. 40 and it will waken you, and chide you, and lead you a ſtraight path, like the Angell which led the ſeruant of Abraham.

Thus hauehave I chalked the way, to prepare you vntounto mariage, as the Leuites prepared their brethren to the Paſſe-ouer:2. Chr. 35. 6 remember that this day ye are made one, and therefore muſt hauehave but one will. And now the Lord Ieſus, in whom ye are contracted, knit your hearts together, that yee may louelove one another like Dauid and Ionathan,1. Sam. 18. 1 and go before you in this life,Mat. 2. 9. like the Star which went before the Gentiles, that ye may beginne, and proceed, and end in his glorie. To whome be all glorie for euer, Amen.

FINIS.

Sermons in One Volume, Religious treatise 1

p. 1A PREPARATIVE TO MARIAGE.

A PREPARATIVE TO MARIAGE.