The Souls Conflict With Itself, Chapter 14
CAP. XIV.
Of help by others. Of true comforters, and their graces. Method. Ill successe.
§. 1.
BVt because we are subject to favour There is a helpe for us against troublesin othersand flatter our selves, it is wisedome to take the benefit of a second selfe, (that is) a well chosen friend living or dead, (books I meane,) which wil speak truly without flattery of our estates. A friend is made for the time of Adversity Pro. 17. 17.and two are better than one; for by this meanes our troubles are divided, and so more easily borne. The very presence of a true hearted friend yeelds often ease to our griefe. Of all friends, those that by office are to speake a word to a weary soule, are most to be regarded, as speaking to us in Christs stead. Oftentimes, (especially in our owne case) wee are blinded and benighted with passion, and then the judgement of a friend is clearer. Living friends have a three-fold priviledge. 1, their advice 1.is sutable, and fit to our present occasion, they can meet with our grievance, so cannot bookes so wel. 2, what comes 2.from a living friend, comes lively, as helped by his spirit. 3, in regard of our selves, what they say is apprehended 3.with more ease, and lesse plodding and bent of minde; There is scarce any thing wherein we see God more in favour towards us, then in our friends, and their seasonable speeches; our hearts being naturally very false and willingly deceived. God often gives us up to be mislead by men, not according to his, but our owne naughty hearts. As men are, such are their Counsellors, for such they will have, and such God lets them have. Men whose wills are stronger then their wits, who are wedded to their owne wayes, are more pleased to heare that which complies with their inclinations, then a harsh trueth which crosses them; this presages ruine, because they are not counsellable: wherefore GOD suffers them to bee ledde through a fooles paradise to a true prison, as men that will neither heare themselves nor others who would doe them good against their wills; It was a signe God would destroy Elies sonnes 1. Sam. 2. 25.when they would heare no counsell; God fills such men with their owne Pro. 14. 14.wayes. Men in great place often in the abundance of all things else, want the Ideo amicus deest quia nihildeest.benefit of a true friend, because under pretence of service of them men carry their owne ends, as they flatter themselves, so they are flattered by others, and so robbed of the true judgement of themselves. Of all spirituall judgements this is the heaviest, for men to be given up to such a measure of selfewillnesse, and to refuse spirituall bal… to heale them, usually such perish without Prov. 29. 1.remedy, because to be wilfully miserable is to bee doubly miserable, for it addes to our misery, that wee brought it willingly upon our selves.
It is a course that will have a blessing attending it, for friends to joine in league one to watch over another, and observe each others wayes. It is an usuall course for Christians to joyne together in other holy duties, as hearing, receiving of the Sacrament, prayer, &c. but this fruit of holy communion which ariseth from a mutuall observing one another is much wanting; whence it is that so many droope, so many are so unchearfull in the wayes of God, and lie groaning under the burden of many cares, and are battered with so many temptations, &c. because they are left onelyonly to their owne spirits. What an unworthy thing is it, that wee should pity a beast overloaden, and yet take no pity of a brother? whereas there is no living member of Christ but hath spirituall love infused into him, and some ability to comfort others. Dead stones in an Arch uphold one another, and shall not living? It is the worke of an Angell to comfort, nay, it is the office of the Holy Ghost to be a Comforter, not onelyonly immediately, but by breathing comfort into our hearts together with the comfortable words of others; thus one friend becomes an Angell, nay a God to another, and there is a sweet fight of God in the face of a friend; for though the comfort given by Gods Messengers bee ordinarily most effectuall, as the blessing of Parents (who are in Gods roome) is more effectuall than the blessing of others upon their children: yet God hath promised a blessing to the offices of Communion of Saints performed by one private man towards another. Can we have a greater incouragement then under God to be gainer of a soule, which is as much in Gods esteeme as if we should gaine a world? Spirituall almes are the best almes; mercy shewed to the soules of men is the greatest merciemercy; and wisedome in winning of soules is the greatest wisedome in the world, because the soule is especially the man, upon the goodnesse of which, the happinesse of the whole man depends: What shining and flourishing Christians should wee have if these duties were performed? As wee have a portion in the communion of Saints, so wee should labour to have humility to take good, and wisedome and love to doe good. A Christian should have feeding lips, & a healing tongue; the leaves the very words of the tree of righteousnesse have a curing vertue in them.
Some will shew a great deale of humanity in comforting others, but little Christianity; for as kinde men they will utter some cheerefull words, but as Christians they want wisedome from above to speake a gracious word in season: Nay some there are, who hinder the saving working of any affliction upon the hearts of others, by unseasonable and unsavoury discourses, either by suggesting false remedies, or else diverting men to false contentments, and so become spirituall traitors rather then friends, taking part with their worst enemies their lusts and wills. Happy is hee that in his way to heaven meeteth with a chearefull and skilfull guide and fellow-travellor, that carrieth cordials with him against all faintings of spirit: It is a part of our wisedome to salvation to make choice of such a one as may further us in our way; An indifferency for any company shewes a dead heart; where the life of grace is, it is sensible of all advantages and disadvantages: How many have beene refreshed by one short, apt, savoury speech? which hath begotten, as it were, new spirits in them.
In ancient times (as wee see in the Iob 2. 12.Story of Iob) it was the custome of friends to meet together, to comfort those that were in misery, and Iob takes it for granted, that to him that is Iob 6. 14.afflicted pity should bee shewed from his friends: for besides the presence of a friend which hath some influence of comfort in it. 1. The discovery of 1.his loving affection hath a cherishing sweetnesse in it. 2. The expression of 2.love in reall comforts and services by supplying any outward want of the patry troubled, prevailes much; th… Christ made way for his comforts to the soules of men, by shewing outward kindnesse to their bodies: Love with the sensible fruits of it, prepareth for any wholesome counsell. 3. After 3this, wholesome words carry a speciall cordiall vertue with them, especially when the Spirit of God in the affectionate speaker joines with the word of comfort, and thereby closeth with the heart of a troubled patient: when all these concenter and meet together in one, then is comfort sealed up to the soule. The childe in Elizabeths wombe sprang at the presence and salutation of Luk. 1. 41.Mary; the speech of one hearty friend cannot but revive the spirits of another; Sympathy hath a strange force, as wee see in the strings of an Instrument, which being played upon (as they say) the strings of another instrument are also moved with it. After love hath once kindled love, then the heart being melted, is fit to receive any impression; unlesse both pieces of the iron bee red hot they will not joyne together; two spirits warmed with the …ne heat will easily so…der together.
§. 2.
In him that shall stay the minde of Graces necessary in dealing with another.another there had need to bee an excellent temper of many graces; as, 1. Knowledge of the grievance together with wisedome to speake a word 1.in season, and to conceale that which may set the cure backwards. 2. Faithfulnesse with liberty, not to conceal… 2.any thing which may bee for his good, though against present liking. The very life and soule of friendship stands in freedome, tempered with wisedome and faithfulnesse. 3. LoueLove with compassion and patience to beare all, and 3.hope all, and not to bee easily provoked by 1. Cor. 13. 6.the way wardnesse of him we deale with. Short spirited men are not the best comforters: God himselfe is said Act. 13 18.to beare with the manners of his people in foreignthe wildernesse: It is one thing to beare with a wise sweet moderation that Non est ide …re, si quid ferendam est, & probare si quid probanduns non est.which may be borne, and another thing to allow or approve that which is not to be approved at all. Where these graces are in the speaker, and apprehended so to bee by the person distempered, his heart will soone embrace whatsoever shall bee spoken to rectifie his judgement or affection. A good conceit of the spirit of the speaker is of as much force to prevaile as his words. Words especially prevaile, when they are uttered more from the bowels then the braine, and from our owne experience, which made even Christ himselfe a more compassionate high Priest. When men come to themselves againe, they will bee the deepest censurers of their owne miscariage.
§. 3.
Moreover, to the right comforting Further directions.of an afflicted person, speciall care must be had of discerning the true ground of his grievance, the coare must bee searched out; if the griefe ariseth from outward causes, then it must be carried into the right channell, the course of it must bee turned another way, as in staying of blood; we should grieve for sinne in the first place, as being the evill of all evills: If the ground be sinne, then it must be drawne to a head, from a confused griefe to some more particular sinne, that so wee may strike the right veine; but if wee finde the spirit much cast downe for particular sinnes, then comfort is presently to be applied; But if the griefe be not fully 3.ripe, then, as we use to help nature in its offers to purge, by Physick, till the sick matter be carried away; so when conscience, moved by the spirit, begins to ease it selfe by confession, it is good to help forward the worke of it, till wee finde the heart low enough for comfort to be laid upon. When Paul found the Iaylor cast downe almost as low as hell, hee stands not now upon further hammering, and preparing of him for merciemercy, (that worke was done already,) but presently stirres him up to beleeve in the Lord Iesus Christ; here being a fit place Acts 16. 31for an interpreter to declare unto man his righteousnesse, and his mercy that belongs unto him after he hath acknowledged his personall and particular sins, which the naturall guile of the heart is extreamely backward to doe, and yet cannot receive any sound peace till it be done: If signes of grace be discerned, here likewise is a fit place to declare unto man the saving worke of grace in his heart, which Sathan labours to hide from him. Men oft are not able to reade their owne evidences without help.
In case of stifnesse and standing out, it is fit the Man of God should take some authority upon him, and lay a charge upon the soules of men in the name of Christ, to give way to the truth of Christ, and to forbeare putting off that mercy which is so kindly offered, when we judge it to be their portion; which course will be succesfull in hearts awed with a reverend feare of grieving Gods spirit. Sometimes men must bee dealt roundly withall, as David here deales with his owne soule, that so whilest we aske a reason of their dejection, they may plainly see they have no reason to be so cast downe; for oftentimes grievances are irrationall, rising from mistakes; and counsell, bringing into the soule a fresh light, dissolves those grosse fogges, and setteth the soule at liberty. What griefe is contracted by false reason, is by true reason altered. Thus it pleaseth God to humble men by letting them see in what need they stand one of another, that so the communion of Saints may be indeared; every relation wherein we stand towards others, are so many bonds and sinewes whereby one member is fitted to derive comfort to another, through love the bond of perfection: All must be done in this sweet Col. 3. 14.affection. A member out of joynt must be tenderly set in again, and bound up, which onelyonly men guided by the spirit of love seasoned with discretion are fit to doe, they are taught of God to doe what they should. The more of Christ is in any man, the more willingnesse and fitnesse to this duty; to which this should encourage us, that in strengthening others we strengthen our selves, and derive upon our selves the blessing pronounced on those that consider the needie, which will be our comfort here, Psal. 41. 1.and crowne hereafter, that God hath honoured us, to be instruments of spirituall good to others. It is an injunction to cōfort the feeble minded, & there is an heavie imputatiō on those that cōforted 1. Thess. 5. 14.not the weaks: when men will not owne men in trouble, but as the herd of Deere forsake & push away the wounded Deere Ezek. 34 4frō them: And those that are any wayes cast downe, must stoope to those wayes which God hath sanctified to convey cōfort; for though sometimes the Spirit of God immediatly comforts the soule, which is the sweetest, yet for the most part the Sun of righteousnesse that hath healing in his wings, conveyeth the beames of his comfort by the helpe of others, in whom hee will have much of our comfort to lie hid, and for this very end it pleaseth God to exercise his children (and Ministers especially) with tryalls and afflictions, that so they having felt what a troubled spirit is in themselves, might be able to cōfort others, in their Si illatas molestias lingua dicat, a conscientia dolor emanat, vulnera enim clausa plus cruciant. Greg.distresses with the same comfort wherwith they have beene comforted: God often suspends comfort from us to drive us to make use of our Christian friends, by whom hee purposeth to doe us good. Oftentimes the very opening of mens grievances, bringeth ease without any further working upon them; the very opening of a veine cooles the blood. If God in the state of innocencie thought it fit man should have a helper, if God thought it fit to send an Angell to comfort Christ in his agonies, shall any man thinke the comfort of another more than needs? Sathan makes every affliction, by reason of our corruption, a temptation to us, whereupon we are to encounter not onelyonly with our owne corruptions, but with spirituall wickednesses, and need we not then that others should joyne forces with us to discover the temptation, and to confirme and comfort us against it? for so reason joyning with reason, and affection with affection, wee come by uniting of strength, to bee impregnable. Sathan hath most advantage in solitarinesse, and thereupon sets upon Christ in the wildernesse, and upon Eve single, and it added Mat. 4. Gen. 3.to the glory of Christs victory, that he overcame him in a single combat, and in a place of such disadvantage. Those that will be alone (at such times) doe as much as in them lieth to tempt the tempter himselfe to tempt them. The Preacher gives three reasons why two Eccles. 4. 9.are better than one. 1. Because if one fall, the other may lift him up: as that 1.which is stronger shoreth up that which is weaker, so feeble mindes are raised and kept up by the stronger: Nay, oftentimes he that is weaker in one grace, is stronger in another; one may helpe by his experience and meekenesse of love, that needs the help of another for knowledge. 2. If two lye together, one may warme another by kindling one anothers spirits; 2.Where two meete together upon such holy grounds and aymes, there Christ by his spirit makes up another, and this three-fold cable who shall breake? While I…as lived, Iehoiada stood upright; While Latymer and Ridley lived, they kept up Granmer by intercourse of letters and otherwise, from entertai ning counsells of Revolt. The Disciples presently upon Christs apprehension fainted, not withstanding he laboured by his heavenly doctrine to put courage & comfort into them. 3. If any give an on-set upon them, there is two to withstand it, Spirit joyning with Spirit; 3.and because there is an acquaintance of spirits as well as of persons, those are Solatium vitae, haeere cuipectus aperias. Ambros.fittest to lay open our mindes unto, in whom upon experience of their fidelity, our hearts may most safely relie. Wee lose much of our strength in the losse of a true friend; which made David bemoane the losse of his friend Ionathan, Woe is me for thee my brother Ionathan. 2. Sam. 1. 20.He lost a piece of himselfe, by losing him whom his heart so clave unto; Saint. Paul accounted that God had shewed especiall mercy to him, in the Phil. 2. 27.recovery of Epaphroditus.
§. 4.
But there are divers miscarriages in Miscarriages in the party that needs to be comforted.those that are troubled, which make the comfort of others of none effect.
1. When the troubled party, deales not directly, but doubleth with him that is to helpe him. Some are ashamed to 1.acknowledge the true ground of their grievance, pretending sorrow for one thing, when their hearts tell them it ariseth from another; Like the Lap…ings which make greatest noise furthest from their neast, because they would not have it discovered: This deceit moved our blessed Saviour (who knew what was in the harts of men,) to fit his answeres many times, rather to the man then to the matter.
2. Some relie too much upon particular men, Oh if they had such a one they should do well, and mislike others, (fitter perhaps to deale with them, as having more thorough knowledge of their estates,) because they would have their disease rather covered then cured; or if cured, yet with soft words, whereas no playster worketh better then that which causes smart. Some out of meere humorous fondnesse must have that which can hardly be got, or else nothing pleases them: David must needs have the waters of Bethlem when others were neerer hand: And oftentimes 2. Sam. 23. 15.when men have not onelyonly whom they desire, but such also who are fit and dexterous in dealing with a troubled spirit, yet their soules feele no comfort, because they make idols of men; Whereas men at the best are but conduits of comfort, and such as God freely conueyeth comfort by, taking liberty oft to deny comfort by them, that so he may be acknowledged the God of all comfort.
3. Some delude themselves, by thinking it sufficient to have a few 3.good words spoken to them, as if that could cure them; not regarding to apprehend the same, and mingle it with faith, without which, good words lose their working, even as wholesome Physick in a dead stomack.
Besides miscarriages in comforting; times will often fall out in our lives, that we shall have none either to comfort us, or to be comforted by us, and then what will become of us unlesse we can comfort our selues? Men must not thinke alwayes to live upon almes, but lay up something in store for themselves, and provide oyle for their owne lamps, and bee able to draw out something from the treasury of their owne hearts. We must not goe to the Surgeon for every scratch. No wise traveller but will have some refreshing waters about him. Againe, wee are often driven to retire home to our owne hearts, by uncharitable imputations of other men; even friends sometimes become miserable comfortens: it was Iobs case, his friends had honest intentions Iob 2.to comfort him, but erred in their manner of dealing; if he had found no more comfort by reflecting upon his owne sincerity, then he received from them, who laboured to take it from him, hee had beene doubly miserable. We are most privy to our owne intentions and aimes, whence comfort must bee fetched; Let others speake what they can to us, if our owne hearts speake not with them, we shall receive no satisfaction. Sometimes it may fall out, that those which should unloose our spirits when they are bound up, mistake, the key …isses the right wards, and so we l…e bound still. Opening of our estate to another is not good, but when it is necessary, and it is not necessary, when we can fetch supply from our owne store; God would have us tender of our reputations, except in some speciall cases, wherein wee are to give glory to God by a free and full confession. Needlesse discovery of our selves to others, makes us feare the conscience of another man, as privie to that which we are ashamed hee should bee privy unto: and it is neither wisedome nor mercy, to put men upon the racke of confession, further then they can have no ease any other way, for by this meanes we raise in them a jealousie towards us, and oft without cause; which weakneth and tainteth that love which should unite hearts in one.