Meditations, Meditation 67 – Meditation 68
67
Marriage of all naturall actions is of most consequence, yet is it the worst done of any other. For men doe not commonly make marriages, but bargaines, and the bargaine being made, the marriage comes in vponupon the bargaine. But it was not so from the beginning. In the first marriage, the woman was the principall part proposed to the man, and in her chiefly the Kingdome of God, and the righteousnesse thereof. So it should be still, the great matters of the Law should be preferred before Cummin and Mints, yet these need not altogether to bee neglected: howsoeuer, that which is absolutely and only necessarie, must bee held whatsoeuer become of that which is but conuenient. Examples of holy Scripture shew vsus plentifully, the miserable issues of marriages made not in the Lord, which might be so many instructions to future times. In the first world, wicked wiues, euen the daughters of flesh and blood, corrupting the sonnes of God, brought in the Flood. Afterward, the most wise of onelyonly men, Solomon, by idolatrous wiues, was bowed aside to the worship of Idols, from the seruice of the true God, who appeared to him twice: wherefore God did rent his kingdom from him, and gaue it to his seruant. But a spectacle of long miserie, and as long wickednesse, was that vnhappy marriage betweene the sonne of Iehosaphat, and the daughter of Ahab; therby was Iehosaphat himselfe drawne into danger and losse, and into the cause of them, worse then themselues, euen to the louelove of them which hated God. Thereby the sonne of Iehosaphat, yea his sonnes sonne became wicked and vnhappie generations, this sentence waiting on their sins; for the one had the daughter of Ahab to wife, and the other was counselled by his mother to doe wickedly. Let men therefore be afraid to infect themselues and their posterity, by becomming one flesh with wickednesse; to marry vntounto a leprosie of the soule is worse then into that of the body. A woman is a needle to pierce into the heart and affections of man, and if she be wicked, the diuell is the thread which followes after. This knowes the tempter right well, therfore by Eue hee got within Adam; by Dalilah hee ouercame Samson; by the daughters of Moab, he got power on the children of Israel, to inspire into them idolatrie, one of his chiefest poisons. Therefore let no man for money take vntounto him a factor for the diuell, lest thereby the diuel attended with the curse of God, (which euer followes him) enter in vponupon him and his posteritie. The remainder of flesh in the best regenerate, though but a part of him, is alreadie too great a friend to our greatest enemie; let vsus not adde to this fleshly part a whole body of flesh to increase the griefe and incombrance of the Spirit of God in vsus, and to increase the force of Satan, and of his temptations against vsus. But let them that do so, know, that they seek the ruine of their houses by the same meanes, by which they seeke to raise them. For though Satan bee a strong man able to keepe a house in peace, yet there is a stronger then he, who often bindeth this strong man, and taketh his house from him; or if hee leaue it to him still to bee maintained (as indeed hee is allowed to be a kind of a Prince in this world) yet miserable is that standing, and worse then falling, which stands by Satan; for there comes a day wherein his principalitie it selfe shall fall and bee ouerthrowne, and al that it doth sustaine. And in the meane time, what a bettering of an house is this, to increase the liuing, and to corrupt the liuers? to grow outwardly in wealth, and to decay inwardly in grace and vertue? to lose in our selues, & our posterity, yt we may adde to the estate of our selues, and our posteritie? The true paterne of marriages was the first, made by God himselfe; and therefore to be imitated by the children of God: therin God gaue man a helper fit for him; fit she was to help him in spiritual things, euen the seruice of God, & fit to help him in temporal things, euē those of this life. Such is ye wife described by Salomon, fit to do her husbād good al the daies of her life: good to his soule, good to his body; for she feareth the Lord, & therfore is praised. This paterne being followed, wee may certainely beleeue, that he which allowed, and blessed the first, will also allow and blesse all those which are like it. He will behold such a marriage with pleasure, while it is making; he will be present at it, for his good will was principally sought in it; and he will prosper it, that men shall hauehave cause to say; Lo, thus shall the man bee blessed, that feareth the Lord. But because goodnesse in any sexe is ouer rare; and it may seeme a hard matter to get one, that may fully equall the patterne; first, remember whose gift a good wife is, and seeke to him, from whom commeth eueryevery good gift. Surely it is to be feared, that many hauehave bestowed themselues ill, because they sought not to him, who onelyonly could hauehave bestowed them well, or because they sought him more for outward aduantages, then for inward graces. Secondly, if thou hast done this, and yet thou findest not that one among a thousand; and need so requires, that thou must proceed in thy purpose: when thou canst not get a burning lamp, get thee a smoking flax, if not one that is expert, and by long custom exercised and vsed to strong meate, yet one that desires the sincere milke of the Word to grow thereby. Take one that is likely to become a Temple for the holy Ghost, and this likelihood find not in thine own presumption, but in her disposition. That this may be really performed, let vsus first discerne a mind teachable, and willing to learne. It is a first and chiefe step toward God, to hearken after God. Therefore wisedome euer begins her speech with this; Heare yee children, and incline your eares to wisdome, and, He that heareth is wise, and wil increase in learning. Next, let her be humble and meek; for such a spirit is a fit receptacle for God, it is before God a thing much set by, and to such, God will reueale his secret mysteries. Now because man is weake, and his affections rob him of his iudgement, making him to thinke that partie excellent, to whom hee hath an excessiue affectiō: Let God bee instantly sought to establish weake and deceiueable man; let him be intreated, that he wil not be wanting to that, which much concerneth his glory and seruice, and the good of his seruants. And these things thus ordered, strong hope may be conceiued, that he who heard Abrahams seruant, when hee intreated a wife for his Masters sonne, will giuegive such a wife as shee was to the sonnes of Abraham: and he who gaue vntounto Ruth a mighty man of wealth, and one blessed of the Lord, because she resolued, that the God of Israel should be her God; will also giuegive the like blessing vntounto the followers of Ruth. But while I sing the Songs of Sion in a strange land, the Chaldeās or wizards of this world vnderstand not the language; the naturall man perceiueth not the things of God, neither can Scripture by any meanes make him leaue a good bargaine. Therefore will hee still in spight of heauen, marry his land to his neighbors great portion: I meane his Son, that would perchance bee better then himselfe, to his neighbors daughter, which perchance will make him, if she can, worse then the father. These exchangers of money by bargaines consummated in the Temple, since the Word (which forbiddeth the house of God to bee made a denne of theeues) cannot driue them thence, it may he a whip of cords will. And surely in euerie daies experience, such a one is laid soundly on many of their backes. And therein a twofold cord, that breaketh both bones and hearts is especially remarkable. One is the often dislike betweene such vnhallowed, or at least, vnequall parties. Religion is the truest and strongest bond of louelove; where that failes, nature is next, which is most corrupt. Nature delightes in new lusts, and so runnes after that which it hath not, neglecting what it hath. Hence hath that cursed speech issued from one of her followers: That hee could louelove his wife aboue any other, if shee were not his wife; making that a reason of hatred, which a Christian makes chiefly a reason of louelove. And when this loathing of the partie possessed, hath brought forth the desire of another, and that desire, obtaining; what hart is then great inough to beare the vexing and tormenting thoughts that swell therein by this forsaking? if it be the wiues part, as most often it is, shee still beholdeth with indignation, the lothing of her selfe, the losse of her right in him for whom she forsooke all others, and his giuing of himself away to a stranger. These meditations eate vp her heart, and then she curseth the time of her marriage, and all them that made it. When this newes commeth home to the churle her father, he doubts at last his daughter is cast away; which he might probably hauehave doubted before, and much more profitably, for then he could hauehave holpen it. And now when she sitteth as a Nun forsaken of the world, breaking her owne heart, and somewhat her fathers; miserie beateth into them, that instruction could not teach them; that marriages made without God, are wordes, not actions; since such a woman hath had much money bestowed on her to bee called a wife, and yet shee hath no husband. Another cord wherewith this kind of follie whippeth it self is, when the partie which was taken into this match for the greatnesse of estate, by vices wasteth the estate which onelyonly made the match. This to the couetous father, is the worst diuorce; for hee married his daughter to the wealth, not to the man, and that wealth is separated from her. After this, the man is found, apprehended and condemned to bee wicked, which he was indeed before, but his wealth gaue his wickednesse such a golden luster, that couetousnesse could, or would not see what it saw: but now neglected wickednesse begetting pouertie makes him odious, whom wickednesse could not, and the robbed child is returnable to the parents wanting another portion for maintenance. In this case also, religion would hauehave been a remedie, which takes men, though not distrustfull and vnbeleeuing, yet prouident for their familie. These be the stripes of gracelesse marriages, which afflict both the married parties and their parents, and would, if obserued, teach wisedome good cheape to others, as they dearely and deepely hauehave imprinted it into these. But this is the pitty, that mony is so pleasant and glorious a thing, that it casteth Sunbeames on eueryevery person that hath it, be he neuer so base; and the yong womans father hath his thoughts so cheared therewith, that he must needs hope the best of his sonne in law, though nothing but money giuegive him such aduice; wherefore it is yet to bee feared, that many gazing & gaping on wealth, wil follow it so close, that they shall stumble into the same ditches, wherein they hauehave seene many of their neighbors wallowing. This makes sport for the diuel, and thus is man most truly fayry-led, euen led aside by the spirits of darknesse into the wandring waies of Balaam the sonne of Beor, who made Israel to sinne. But this makes bitter lamentation, euen the mourning for sonnes and daughters in the Church of God; for hereby hath the Church lost many, both sonnes and daughters, some being turned from a good profession, others being altogether bred in Paganisme, hauing no difference from heathen, but onelyonly in the saying of a Pater noster, a Creede, and it may bee, the ten Commandements. Therfore the Church takes vp her complaint, and in sorrow of heart cries out: The Nation is increased, but her ioy is diminished, there are children borne but not to her; therefore as Rachel she praieth, GiueGive me children or else I die, or else with Rahel she weepeth and will not bee comforted, because her children are not.
68
If a man thinkes he hath some vnderstanding hee must thus imploy it, else he hath not what he thinkes he hath. First he must vnderstand and know the great ignorance which is in man, and particularly of things Diuine, aboue vsus; yea of naturall things before vsus; God and the happinesse in him is farre from our Reach, and euen in naturall and created things wee are suddainly stinted, our knowledge quickly stopping and resting in a confession of hidden and secret faculties. Therefore ignorāce cōfessed is a great wisedome in vsus. Secondly he must know & acknowledge the great and general misery of mankinde, which through sicknesse, oppression, misery, & folly reignes in the world; and he must know into what kinde of world, hee is borne and brought, that so he may learne on what conditions he doth liue. Thirdly he must see the impotence and weakenesse of man, to lift himselfe aboue himself, and to adde one cubite yea one finger to the height of his Being.: so that of himselfe he can get very little aboue the ignorance, or the misery vnderunder which his condition is to liue. But this knowledge is not that we should sit downe therein without vse; for then it were but a Lamp vntounto misery. But that iustly valuing our selues, we should bee both humble and patient, as low and miserable creatures; but withall should lift our eyes (since our selues we cannot) aboue this misery vntounto him, who is true wisdome, Almighty power, and perfect happines: praying him by an addition of a new creation to the old, to raise vsus aboue our selues increasing our knowledge, strengthning vsus, to ascend vntounto him, who is very Felicitie; protecting and comforting vsus in this path of misery which leadeth vntounto him. And now hauing God, by the Spirit of his Sonne, from thenceforth in him we are wise, strong and happie, who to vsus is wisedome, protection, happinesse, yea al things; and so we which before could not, may now reioyce; but in the Lord.