A Treatise of Love, Chapter 4
CHAP. 4. Of the Notes, whereby louelove to our Neighbour may be knowne.
NOw to this end, that none may deceiue themselues, but may try whether they hauehave in them this grace of LoueLove or no, or in what measure, I will set down some of the chiefe acts, effects, or fruits of it, as notes whereby it may well be knowne, as a tree by the fruits.
1. LoueLove is not left-handed, but interprets, and takes things at the best. As it commends what is plainly good, so it interprets fauourably what is doubtfull, vntill it know the contrary; speeches, or actions of men, towards our selues or others, if they may be well taken, it will not take them ill. As the mother, when the childe cries, saith a pin pricks it, it hath the fret, or breeds teeth, she is loth to say, its nothing but frowardnesse, and so to chide or fight. When Iosephs brethren, out of malice, had fold him into Egypt, and afterward were affraid he would remember it, what construction makes hee of it? God sent me hither aforehand to prouide for you. As our Sauiour Christ did, when his Disciples were so sleepy in the garden: though he mildly rebukes them for it, yet hee fauourably helpes it, saying, The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weake.
Yea, if a thing be plainly euil yet LoueLove will make it no worse than it is. It will not say, it was done deliberately, and of set purpose, when it was done rashly; maliciously, when it was done weakly onelyonly, and in temptation. For one may doe iniury to a bad action, and its better to thinke and speak a little better of it, than worse than it is. Alwaies prouided, this be vnderstood, not of palpable, notorious fowle euils, nor of continued courses in sinning; for what good or charitable construction can bee made of these? When such therefore bee plainly reproued, and told their danger, and they cry out, Oh you may not iudge: Why, what can Charity it selfe iudge, but that you are of the Deuill, and in the state of damnation for the present, and without sound Repentance for euer? Its therefore no property of LoueLove, but a fowle fault, and a signe of a corrupt conscience to extenuate and blanch fowle sins in bad persons.
2. It will depart from his own right, rather than breake peace; as our Sauiour Christ, Matthew 17. 27. Abraham to Lot▪ Gen. 13. 9. If thou wilt take the left hand, I will take, &c. As it will giuegive way in conference to one that is stiffe, though one know hee hath the truth, so it be in small matters: After offences, it will soone yeeld and seeke reconciliation, though it were meet the other should seeke to him. It stands not vponupon termes: it will lay downe the bucklers, goe on the lower ground, yeeld the way or the wall to those, that it were meet should yeeld it to him. For why? it more prizeth and esteemeth LoueLove, than small matters.
3 It doth no hurt, its against the nature of it so to doe, neither in life, chastity of our neighbour, goods, or good name. See this in the two chiefe patterns of LoueLove: in God towards his, and parents towards their children, who doe nor can do them no hurt, at least, parents, in their conceit.
4 It seekes not her owne things, but others as well, as is commanded, 1 Cor. 10. 24.
5 It prouoketh nor exasperateth not, but striues rather to please, as far as it may with good conscience: As we see in a louing mother toward her childe, so also in whomsoeuer it is truely found.
6 Its not easily prouoked, 1 Cor. 13. 5. but forbeares, forgiues, puts vp, &c. which is well seene in God, and a naturall mother with her vnquiet childe.
It will couer naturall infirmities, such things as be little weaknesses in our brethren, yet not done of set purpose, nor growing into extremities, but onelyonly naturall defects. As some bee a little too quicke, some a little too slow, some see a fault, and bee a little too ready to speake, others somewhat too slow to speake, or reproue a fault. Some be a little too fine, some a little too homely and plaine; if they were not all so much on either hand, it were better. Some be somewhat too earnest in their businesse, if it were not altogether so much, it were better; yet not much amisse, and its their nature, who bee yet very gracious: Some bee a little too negligent, some be a little too merry, some a little too solemne: these and such like LoueLove will couer, or else nothing. LoueLove will not standvpon them, rebuke or reproach them, or deale hardly with them for these, but wisely beare with them, and in louelove cure them, if it can.
As for example: a wife, a godly woman, good houswife, louing & duetifull in good measure, but somewhat curst, and quicke of speech, or not so cleanly as were to be desired; a good husband in louelove will beare with these, and bee thankfull for the maine that hee findes in her.
So a woman hath a husband, good in all the substantiall points of the husbands duety, but hee is somewhat too glum, not so affable and ch…arly as might be, or whose nature will not suffer him to vse such complement… to his wife, as some can doe with facility; LoueLove will reach her to beare with this. A seruant is very trusty, religious, and carefull to please, onelyonly somewhat slow; the Master or Mistresse must not rebuke him too oft, too openly, too sharpely for it, as a thing they can hardly remedie: no perfection to bee expected in any. If you can cure it by a louing and priuate admonishion sometimes, doe.
So a Neighbour conferres with his Neighbour, and hee is a little too quicke and harsh: but louelove will not see it, but considers it as a naturall infirmitie; therefore will not exasperate him, or bee put out of patience by him, answering him tartly againe, but passeth it by, and goeth on in kind and friendly manner.
LoueLove will also couer and put vp wrongs done vntounto it, not seeing small ones, passing by somewhat greater; as considering he himselfe is a man, and so subject to offend his Neighbour, and so may stand in need of his pardon. As also that hee offends God daily, and would bee glad to obtaine pardon; therefore he must pardon his Neighbour, or else can hauehave small hope or boldnesse to come before him for merciemercy; and this often, yea vntounto seuentie times seuen times.
If they bee greater matters, yet LoueLove will easily accept of indifferent conditions of agreement. If they be so great as they so endanger our name and estate as they are not to be passed by, then its lawfull to flee to the Magistrate, and take the benefit of Law; yet so, as LoueLove will teach the party to lay away malice, and to forgiue the reuenge. And in going to Law, these two Caueats must be obserued: First, that it bee not for trifles. These should rather bee forgiuen, 1 Cor. 6. 7. Why rather suffer yee not wrong? Secondly, that it bee the last Remedie, when all other waies of more peaceable agreement hauehave beene tryed. It must bee as the cutting off a member, when it cannot be healed otherwise.
Hitherto belongs also that LoueLove will teach vsus to hide and couer folkes faults from the world, except wee hauehave a cause and calling to speake thereof, but rather of their vertues.
7. Lastly, LoueLove is bountifull, beneficiall, and helpefull, not keeping what it hath to it selfe, but ready to distribute and communicate to the good of others, whether spirituall or temporall gifts. Spirituall; for louelove begins at the soule, and doth good to that first, of children, seruants, neighbours. It wil communicate any gift it hath to them that need it, taking to heart their spirituall wants, instructing the ignorant, counselling the doubtfull, comforting the afflicted, admonishing them that be out of the way, exhorting thē that begin to faint or stagger in the way, & praying for all.
So for outward things, it will cause men to giuegive to the poorest that are to be holpe by Almes, as they be able: and lend freely to them that bee a degree aboue the poorest, which hauing a Trade, and skill and will to follow it, yet want stock to employ themselues and their company. These a man is as much bound in conscience to lend vntounto, according to their abilitie and honestie to pay again, as to giuegive a peece of bread or a penny to a poore miserable Creature, Mat. 5. 42. Deut. 15. 8. By this shore, many a reeling house hath been kept from falling flat to the ground. By this helpe, many hauehave liued handsomely, and brought vp their families, that else must hauehave come to vttermost misery.
To the wealthy that hauehave no neede of vsus, yet to be neighbourly and friendly, in lending or exchanging Courtesies with them! To inuite them somtimes to vsus, & to goe to them beeing inuited: And in their sickenesse or heauinesse to visit them▪ and comfort them in the best maner we can.
Vse. Now seeing LoueLove is such a thing, and that these bee the fruits of it, If we looke abroad among men, wee shall be forced to say there is but little louelove in the world: for, where bee these Properties spoken of, to be found? as may appeare in going ouer them.
1. Who takes not things in the worst part, hardly construing mens words and actions; doubtfull ones, it may be not bad, taking them to bee euill; those that bee bad, making them worse? Thus the Iewes mis-interpreted our Sauiour Christ, Iohn 2. Destroy this Temple, &c. which afterward cost him his life. 1. Chro. 19. 3. How was Dauids good and louing Action towards Hanun wickedly mis-construed? which cost the liues of many thousands. Old Eli offended in this, 1 Sam. 1. 14. iudging Hannah drunke, because she prayed, and her voice not heard. What more common than to say, Men doe that they doe to be seene, and to winne credit, when yet they doe it syncerely, and to please God? Or, hauing inuited one to our house, and he comes not, to think or say he doth it out of some splene, or want of good will. Many a time in a yeare are we forced to recant, and with shame say, I thought it had been worse meant than now I see it was. This is the cause of innumerable contentions and breaches among men.
2. For departing from mens right, who doth it, but stand out stiffely to the vtmost? This is an vsuall speech, It is my right, and I will hauehave it. I aske no more but my right, and that I will not lose. This is thought but reasonable, and he is thought an honest man that will hauehave but his right. But its an ill speech and resolution, whether it be in conference: If a man know hee hath the truth, though it be but in small matters, yet he will hold it out, though the other bee neuer so peremptory, till they fall flat out, whereas in small truths its better to giuegive in; Or in dealings, couenants, bargaines, bonds, men will hauehave their right: and yet herein extreame right may bee extreame wrong.
Alwaies prouided, that wee giuegive not away other folkes right, especially Gods. Moses would not yeed a hoofe, Exod. 10. 9, yet most men, stiffe in their owne, will yeeld enough of Gods right, can cut large thongs out of that. They will not let their seruants play one houre on the sixe dayes, yet can let them play on the seuenth what they will. So are sins against the first Table made small account of, in comparison of the breaches of the second.
3 Whereas LoueLove hurts no way, whence comes all the hurt and mischiefe that is done among men; stabbing, killing, fighting, quarrelling, …rayling, reuiling, scolding, &c. all the defilings of mens wiues, children, and seruants? So for bribery, theeuery, cousenage, false weights, false wares, &c▪ slandering, defaming, backbiting, mocking, and such like: All these abound eueryevery where. I am sure LoueLove doth none of them. LoueLove was not at the doing of these▪
And for seeking others good as well as our owne, O Lord, where is this? But in all mens courses▪ the greatest part, yea, and among Christians, they seeke themselues too much, and others too little.
4 Also that men will so readily prouoke one another by words and deeds, they care not how.
5 For being prouoked. Lord be mercifull to vsus, who can beare any thing? but taunt for taunt, quip for quip; hee shall hauehave as good as he brings. If there bee a little trespass done them, Oh how men stand vponupon it, and study reuenge? Hence the innumerable suits in this land, many thousands in a year for meer trifles, that ten times as much is spent in them as is sued for.
A shame for England to bee so contentious, hauing the Gospell of peace amongst vsus. Oh, mens stomachs be vp straight, all their bloud is in their face, or else looke as pale as ashes, or secretly practising to reuenge. Hand on the dagger straight; on the top of the house by and by, and flie in one anothers faces for trifles: so farre off are we from forgiuing till seuenty times, as our Master Christ hath commanded. So short spirited, as wee can beare nothing; and that which is worse, if we hauehave taken vp a displeasure once, its not easily laide downe, but Sunne after Sunne▪ Moone after Moone, yea some, yeare after yeare can carry it about with them: quickly prouoked, but hardly pacified, especially truely. It may be, some will not bee seene to liue in open onmity, yet hauehave hearts vnsound, and full of secret grudgings, that cause open breakings out vponupon eueryevery occasion. Men can beare nothing, but are straight carried after reuenge.
6 And for speaking of our neighbours vertues, and hiding their faults, without iust cause, and calling to the contrary, where is that to be found? Nay, the contrary is most wofully common; little of mens vertues spoken, except a word or two, to make way for a But, and to speak of their faults: and these we delight to be much in, as the Crow that seeks out the carrion, & the Hogge that delights to lye in the mire, rather than vponupon the green grasse: like the Flie, that if there bee but one gall'd platt on the horses backe, delights rather to sit on that, than on all the whole body besides.
7 And for the last, where is communicating of spirituall good things? Parents bring vp their children braue, but how few catechize, instruct, admonish them, pray with them, and for them?
So for seruants, their gouernors giuegive them meate, drinke, and wages, and hold them to worke on the sixe dayes, but little care how they spend the Sabbath, or for instructing and examining them, calling them to reading and praier: and what louelove call you this, but such as you shew to your beasts?
So for neighbours, what Christian conference is there, what admonishing them that be out of the way, but rather let them run on, and talke of them behinde their backes, and that oft times with reioycing, which is fearfull?
What consolation is giuen to the heauie? who layes their case to heart? how few are able to speake a word in season, and to comfort fitly? but vtter vaine and frothy speeches to them, fitter to doe hurt than good. And for such as be troubled in conscience for their sinnes, alas how few hauehave any skill of such things? nay, many will rather deride, and make a scoffe at them, saying, they hauehave runne to Sermons so long, till they will goe out of their wits. Who prouokes one another to that that is good? but eueryevery man saith, Who made mee my brothers keeper? Nay, men are so farre from these, as they seeke all they can to driue others from God and goodnesse, by their cursed counsell and wicked example, and by all the discouragements they can deuise, of threats, mockes, and taunts. And is not this fearfull? where is true LoueLove in the meane time? that is a great way off.
And for outward things, how backward are most in giuing to the poore any more than needes must? what contentions at making of rates, though God hath freed vsus from the chargeablenesse of the Legall seruice, and hath freed vsus from that intolerable burthen of the Rogues, that swarmed like Locusts all ouer the Land; whose burthen lay on vsus very heauie; as they that bee of yeares can remember, which yet yeelded small comfort, the greatest part of them being a cursed generation of idle and sinnefull Varlets: which seeing God hath maruellously and mercifully rid vsus of, what encouragement should it be to vsus, to relieue our owne true poore?
And for lending, where is this in vse? but rather, as if God had neuer giuen precept of it, or as it were a Statute repealed; and that is out of date, so is this duety of lending. That cursed and cruell trade of Vsury, hath eaten vp, and banisht out of the Country this Christian duety of free-lending.
Some rich men are so grim and so austere, as a poore man dares not speake to them for such a thing. And indeede, how few be there, that hauehave any thing to lend at any time?
Some lend out all so neare to Vsury, as they hauehave not to lend, but borrow rather: Or if a poore man doe any worke for them, they cannot pay them of a good while, they be so bare. For as soone as any money comes in, it must out againe straight, as if it would burne a hole in the Cupbord, or would be halfe an vndoing to them, if it lay there but a weeke or two.
Others are euer purchasing, and so keep themselues bare, and in debt, and then they whine at eueryevery charge, and wrangle at rates, and are neuer fit or ready to lend, or to any good vse. Such bring a curse vponupon themselues, making themselues borrowers, when they might bee lenders, Deut. 28. 44.
Others be so miserable, as though they hauehave it, yet they will not lend. So for the last duety of neighbourly dealing, inuiting, visiting, these are decayed; so that we may beleeue in all these respects, these be the times foretold, Matth. 24. 12. wherein LoueLove should waxe cold.
Yet indeede there is a great deale of counterfeit louelove, of fauning, crouching, and congeying, of pot-companionship, and ioyning together in euill.
A great deale of selfe-louelove also, making others faults great, and our owne small, or none; nay, sometimes making them vertues: extenuating and making light of the vertues of others, highly esteeming our owne; seeking our selues in all our dealings and courses, with little regard of our neighbours: which selfe-louelove the Apostle, 2 Tim. 3. 2. foretels shall be in the last times, and sets it in the fore-front, as the cause of many other euils that follow.
Now let eueryevery man examine himselfe in particular touching these things, and so make vse to his owne soule for comfort, or the contrary.
But who shall not finde himself failing in eueryevery one of them? whereby we hauehave much cause to be humbled; and the courses of the common sort are wholly contrary to all these properties of true LoueLove, whereby they may conclude fearfully against themselues.