Observations Divine and Moral, Chapter 60
CAP. LX. Of Children, and their education.
GOD, that made all things good, and blessed Gen. 1. and 2.them; imparted expresly this blessing first to his creatures (capable thereof) that they should encrease, and multiplie in their kinde. More specially, God created our first parents, male and female, and blessed them, saying, Be fruitfull, and multiplie, and fill the earth. This order then set he hath preserved to this day, and mankinde by it. By this, parents when they are dead, live in their children, as parts of them, and imps taken from their stock, & in speciall manner, one with them. This onenes Gods gratious covenant with the faythful and their seed confirms, and commends: blessing even the godly dead parents in their living children; and so cursing the wicked in theirs; and that oftens, sundry ages afterwards; as both the Scriptures, common sense, and experience teach. Such parents as leav their seed under Gods covenant, and blessing, as heyrs of their fathers pietie, as Ambrose sayd of Theodosius, provide a goodAmbrose. inheritance for them, if they afterwards by their own rebellion, and unthankfulnes disinherit not themselvs. And a sweet comfort it is to Christian parents, when they can commend their litle ones, liveing, or dying intoMath. 19. Christs hands in heaven; who being upon earth testified both in word, and deed, their interest in his blessing. The generation of the upright shall be blessed: but the posteritie of the wicked shall be cut off. And as we judg ofPsal. 1…2. the plant, or graffe, by the stock whence it was taken, till it be grown able to bring forth its proper fruit, and that the tree be known by the fruit; so do we of children by their parents, till coming to years of discretion they chuse their own way. Not that grace is derived by naturall generation, but by the supernaturall covenant with beleevers, and their seed, confirmed in Christ, andGen. 17. Gal. 3. by godly education on the parents part, which promise of blessing, as it is ever effectuall in some, according to Rom. 11.the election of grace; so where it follows not, usually the negligence, and indulgencie of the parents; and alwayes the parties proper rebellion is the cause thereof; as we may see, both in the word of God, and dayly experience. We read of Dionisius the tyrant, that, meaning Aemil. probus.to revenge himself upon Dion, who made war against him, he caused his son (whom he had in his power) to be brought up in riot, and wantonnes. This labour many save their enemies, and do it themselvs, and so prove miserable parents of dissolute children. It was an odious thing in the Israelites to sacrifice to divels their sons, and daughters Ezech. 16▪which they had born unto God, and whom he avoweth for his children. Which, in a spirituall sense, we certeynly do, if we eyther neglect instructing them; or praying to God for them; or walking exemplarily, as we ought, before them; or correcting them duely; or any other such means, as by which the seeds of grace may grow, and prosper in them. And let us remember, that as bruits bring forth in their kinde, and all parents their children; so we (being in the Lords covenant of grace) bring forth, as by nature ours, so by supernatural covenant and grace, his children also; and that he trustsEph. 6. us with the bringing them up for him, and in his nourture, and instruction; which is a great matter, and wherein we must deal faythfully with him; that so under his blessing, we may fit them for his heavenly inheritance, provided for them with us. It is a during fruit of Gods gracious covenant, when good parents by their godly care have gracious children; and that by which our fayth is much confirmed.
Children, in their first dayes, have the greater benefit of good mothers, not onelyonly because they suck their milk, but in a sort, their manners also, by being continually with them, and receaving their first impressions from them. But afterwards, when they come to riper years, good fathers are more behooffull for their forming in vertue, and good manners, by their greater wisdom and authoritie: and oft times also, by correcting the fruits of their mothers indulgencie, by their severitie.Aristotle.
They are a blessing great, but dangerous. They come into the world at first with danger both in respect of themselvs, as passing sometimes, from the womb to the grave; sometimes being born deformed in body, sometimes uncapable of understanding: as also in regard of the Mother; the first day of their being in the world being oftens her last in it. After their coming into the world through so many dangers, they come even into a world of dangers. In their infancie, how soon is the tender bud nipped or bruised by sicknes, or otherwise? In their ventersom dayes, into how many needles dangers do they throw themselvs (in which many perish) besides those into which God brings them, and that all their life long? Above all other, how great, and many are their spirituall dangers both for nourishing, and encreasing the corruption which they bring into the world with them; and for diverting them from all goodnes, which Gods grace, and mens endeavour might work in them? These dangers, and difficulties, howsoever they make not Gods blessings in giving children to be no blessings; or deserving to be lightly esteemed; yet should they moderate our desire of them, and greif for their want: that none should say eyther to God, or one to another, as Rahell did to Iakob, Give me children, or els I dye: specially if we weighGen. 30. withall, that though the Lord give us divers towardly, & good; yet one, or two proving leaud, and wicked will break our tender hearts more, then all the rest will comfort us: like as in the naturall body there is more greif by the akeing of some one part, though but a tooth; then comfort, and ease in the good, and sound state of all the rest. If children considered aright of the carefull thoughts, sorrows, and fears, and, sore peyns withall of their parents, they would think they ought them more honour, service, and obedience, then, for the most part, they do. We seldom consider▪ and prize worthily the cares, and peyns of parents, till we become parents our selvs, and learn them by experience.
Many bodily diseases are hereditarie; and so are many spirituall, in a sort; and that both by naturall inclination, and morall imitation much more: that, as the Lord saythEzec. 16. of Israell, Thou art thy mothers daughter, so may it be sayd of many, that they are their fathers and mothers sons, and daughters in evill. Yet, if it so come to passe, that God vouchsafe grace to the childe of a wicked father, and that he see the sins which he hath done: he commonly hates them more vehemently, then if they had been in a stranger: and good reason, considering how they have been his dearest parents ruine. Yea further, even where grace is wanting, the child, oft tymes, by observing, and sometimes by feeling also the evils of his fathers sin, is driven though not from his evill way into a good way, yet into the contrary evill. Thus a covetous father oftens makes a prodigall son; so doth a prodigall a covetous. The son of the covetouse takeing knowledg how odious his fathers covetousnes is to all; and therewith perswading himself, and being perswaded by others about him, that there is enough, and, more then enough for him; takes occasion as prodigally to pour our, as his father hath mizerly hoarded up: as on the contrarie, the son of the prodigall both seeing, & feeling the hurt of his parents lavishnes, is thereby provoked to lay the harder about him, for the repayring of his fathers ruines.
Love rayther descends, then ascends; as streams of water do: and no marvayl, if men love where they live, as parents doe in children, and not they in them. Hence also is it, that grandfathers are more affectionate towards their childrens children, then to their immediates; as seeing themselvs further propagated in them, and by their means proceeding on to a further degree of eternity; which all desire naturally, if not in themselvs, yet in their posteritie. And hence it is, that children brought up with their grandfathers, or grandmothers, seldom do well; but are usually corrupted by their too great indulgencie.
It is much controverted, whether it be better, in the generall, to bring up children under the severitie of discipline, and the rod; or no. And the wisdom of the flesh out of love to its own, alleges many reasons to the contrarie: But say men what they will, or can, the wisdom of God is best; and that sayth, that foolishnes is bound up in the heart of a child, which the rod of correction must drive out: Prov. 22. Chap. 13.and that he, who spares his rod, hurts his son; not in the affection of person, but effect of thing. And surely there is in all children (though not alike) a stubbernnes, and stoutnes of minde arising from naturall pride, which must, in the first place, be broken, and beaten down; that so the foundation of their education being layd in humilitie, and tractablenes, other vertues may, in their time, be built thereon. This fruit of naturall corruption, and root of actuall rebellion both against God, and man must be destroyed, and no manner of way nourished; except we will plant a noursery of contempt of all good persons, and things, and of obstinacie therein. It is commendable in a horse, that he be stout, and stomackfull, being never to be left to his own government, but alwayes to have his rider on his back, and the bit in his mouth. But who would have his childe like his horse in his bruitishnes? Indeede such as are of great stomack, being throughly broken, and informed, Erasmus.become verie serviceable, for great designes: els, of horses they become asses, or worse: as Themistocles his mayster Plutarch.told him, when he was a childe, that eyther he would bring some great good, or some great hurt to the common wealth. Neyther is there need to fear, left by this breaking, the children of great men should prove base spirited, and abject and so unapt to great imployments: for being Adams sons, whose desire was to have been like unto God; and having those advantages for maysterfulnes, and highthoughts, which great mens children want not, (unto whom great affayrs are appropriated usually) they will not easily be found unfurnished of stomack, and stoutnes of minde more then enough; wherein a litle is dangerous, specially for making them unmeet for Christs yoak, Math. 11.and to learn of him, who was lowly, and me…k.
For the beating, and keeping down of this stubbornnes parents must provide carefully for two things: First that childrens wils, and wilfulnes be restreyned, & repressed, and that in time; lest sooner then they imagine, the tender sprigs grow to that stiftnes, that they will rayther break then bow. Children should not know (if it could be kept from them) that they have a will in their own, but in their parents keeping: neyther should these words be heard from them, save by way of consent, I will, or I will not. And if will be suffered at first to swey in them in small, and lawfull things, they wil hardly after be restreyned in great, and ill matters, which their partiall conceipt, and inexperienced youth with the lusts thereof, and desire of libertie, shall deem small, and lawfull, as the former. And though good education, specially the grace of God may afterwards purge out much other evill, and weaken this also: yet will such unbroken youth most commonly draw after it great disquietnes in crosses, when they fall; and in the whole course of life, a kinde of unweyldines, inflexibilitie, and obstinacie, prejudiciall to the partyes themselvs, and uncomfortable (at least) to such as converse with them. The second help is an inureing of them from the first, to such a meannes in all things, as may rayther pluck them down, then lift them up: as by plain, and homely dyet, and apparrel; sending them to school betimes; and bestowing them afterwards, as they are fit, in some course of life, in which they may be exercised diligently, and the same rayther under then above their estate: by not abetting them one against another, nor against any, (specially before their faces) without great cause: nor by makeing them men, and women, before they become good boyes, and girls. How oft have I observed, that parents, who have neyther fayled in diligent instructing of their children, nor in giving them good example, nor in correcting them duely, have onelyonly by streyning too high this way, eyther endangered, or utterly overthrown their posteritie? hereby lifting them up in their vayn hearts, and teaching them to despise both mean things, and persons; and themselvs also, many times, amongst others: thereby drowning them (Icarus like) in a sea of mischeif, and misery, by their flying too high a p…ch. And this must be the more mynded, because there is in men an inbred desire, and that inordinate usually, to hoyse up their children, as high, as may be: so as they half think they do them wrong, if they set them not higher, or as high, at least, as themselvs; almost whether God will, or no. Yea what place affoards not some such, as make themselvs their childrens slaves; not careing how basely they themselvs grovell in the earth, so they may set them on their tiptoes?
But first of all for childrens competent education, specially for their disposeing in some particular course (on which all are to settle at last, though some libertie of stepping this way, or that be given them for a while; as a man Plutarch.though for his pleasure he see many places, yet seeks his abode in some one in the end) there is required in their parents a through discerning, and right judgment of their disposition: which is as difficult, as necessarie. The difficultie aryseth from the partiality of parents towards their own: for that, as the crow thinks her own bird fayrest, so do they commonly their children towardlyer, and better then they are, or then any other indifferent judg doth. This partiality in many is so grosse, as they not onelyonly deem small good things in them great, and great evils small; but oftens account the same things well becomeing them, and commendable, which in others they would censure as undecent, and it may be, enormous. This perni…ous errour ariseth from self love. For, as in nature, the object cannot be seen, which is eyther too near the eye, or too far from it; so neyther can the disposition of that …i…de be rightly discerned, which lyeth too near his fathers heart. And yet is the knowledg of this so necessarie, that we build not eyther upon a vain, or uncerteyn foundation, with great hazzard of losse, both of labour, and expence, in sorting our childe to his particular calling, and course of life; as all without it, is but a verie rash adventure. For as none is fit for everie course, nor hardly any for many, in any great degree; so everie one is fit for one, or other: to which if his ability, and disposition be applyed, with any convenient diligence on his part, and helps by others; he may easily come to a mediocritie therein, if not to some rarenes. Hence was it, that fathers in some places, used to lead their children to the shops of all kinde of artificers, to try how they could both handle their tools, & like their works; that so they might bestow them accordingly. Some wise men also have wished, that there might be established, by publique authoritie, a course for the due tryall, and choyce of wits for severall sciences. And surely, where there goes not before a naturall aptnes (and morall disposition also for some callings); there will follow nothing but losse: losse of time, losse of labour, losse of charges, and all; as when the seed is cast into the barren ground. And as the midwife how skilfull soever in her art, cannot make the woman to be delivered, that was not first with childe; so neyther can the best maysters make Plat….their schollers, or servants, to bring forth sciences, unlesse they have an aptnes thereunto first conceaved in their brayns.
There is running in the breasts of most parents a strong stream of partiall affection towards some one, or other of their children, above the rest, eyther for its beautie, or wit, or likenes to themselvs, or some other fancyed good in it; which is alwayes dangerous; and oft hurtfull. Sometimes the Lord takes away such before the rest, to punish the fathers fondnes: And most commonly such if surviveing, prove the worst of all the rest, as growing hereby proud, and arrogant in themselvs, presumptuous upon their fathers love, and contemptuous of the rest of their brethren, and sisters; as we may see in Esau, Absolom, and Adoniah, their fathers darlings; and in many mo, in our dayly experience. And though they in themselvs (which they seldom are free from) be not corrupted with pride; yet will the rest seldom, or never escape the infection of envy at it; as is to be seen in Iosephs brethren. It is naturall for parents tenderly to love all their children; and best for them to be as equall towards all, as may be, reserving the bestowing of their best and greatest love, till they see, where God bestows his. And if so be they cannot, or will not command their inordinate affections, as they should; yet it is wisdom to conceal them from their children; whom els they may hurt so many wayes; as the ape is said, many times to kill her young ones by too streyt embraceing them.
The Lord promises, and affoards long life to such asExod. 20. honour father, and mother: whose dayes if he shorten in this life for their good, he lengthens out with immortalitie in glory. On the other side, he cuts off from the Calvin.earth stubborn, and disobedient children suddeynly, and sundry wayes: And if he give them long life, it is for a curse unto them. They also oftens dye without children themselvs; and if not; their children oftener pay them that which is due, and owing them from their parents. The historie is note worthy of the father who being drawn Melanct.by his son to the threshold of the house, by the hayr of the head; cryed to him, to draw him no further; for that he had drawn his father no further. And how should they expect honour from their children, who have dishonoured their parents? or a happy life, who despise the author of their life under God? This honour is due not onelyonly to them by whom we have our being; but to them also by whom our well-being is furthered.