Meditations Upon Eight Psalms, Part 3
A meditation vponupon the 38. Pſalme.
1 O Lorde, rebuke mee not in thine anger, neither chaſtiſe me in thy wrath.O Eternal (for to whō ſhall I addreſſe my ſelfe but to thee who art as puiſſaunt to heale as to ſmite) giuegive me leaue to bewray my complaint: not to playne me of thee, who doeſt nothing but well, and whoſe ire, I confeſſe I hauehave pulled vponupon me, for my treſpaſſes: but to beſeech thee, that according to thy promiſes thou wilt not vſe againſt me that iudgement which thou reſerueſt for ſuch as thy fury and moſt fearefull indignation will quite deſtroy: But rather thy fatherly maner of chaſtiſing howe rough and ſharpe ſoeuer it may ſeeme to this fleſh.2 For thine arrowes hauehave light vponupon me, and thine hand lyeth vponupon me.
2 And thou woteſt well Lord, that I crye not as doe thoſe delicate ones, which make much of a litle, and crye loude for a ſmall griefe: For it is euen deepe to the quicke that the keene heades of thine arrowes ſhot off at mee, hauehave pearced: It is in very great earneſt, that thy mighty hand is (as it were) ſetled vponupon me.
3 There is nothing ſound in my fleſh, becauſe of thine anger: neither is there reſt in my bones becauſe of my ſinne.3 Regard, Lord, this poore body which hath no whole part: Reſpect theſe poore grynded bones: for in deede how might they ſtande, or hauehave any being before thine angry face? And all, Lorde, neuertheleſſe moſt iuſtly, ſince the whole cauſe thereof is in me who hauehave ſo much offended thee:4 For mine iniquities are gone ouer mine head, & as a weightie burdē they are too heauie for me. I confeſſe and auow that it is ſo, and loe, the ſpring of all ſorrowes and torments wherein I am ſowſed ouer head and eares, & vtterly ouerwhelmed vnderunder this loade, a loade farre to heauie and altogether together inſupportable, if thou doeſt not ſuſtayne and ſtaye me.
5 My woundes are putrified, and corrupt becauſe of my fooliſhnes.5 Thoſe killing blowes which thou gaueſt mee, hauehave bred corrupt matter, ſuch as putrifyeth my poore carkaſe, which euen ſmelles of the fruites and hyre of my folye, poore ſenſeles man that I was, when I thus rebelled againſt thy will.6 I am bowed, and crooked very ſore: I goe mourning all the day.
6 But, beholde O my God, I will not ſtiffen my necke, I bowe both body & heart vnderunder thy ſtrong hande,7 For my remes are full of burning, and there is nothing ſoūd in my fleſh. drawing my legges after mee, parched and broyled as I am through heauines and languiſhing. Alas, my reynes howe they burne, To be ſhort, O my God, what ſhal I ſaye?8 I am weakened and ſore broken: I roare for the very griefe of mine heart. I am altogether made up into ſorrowe, I am brayed as in a morter, I am ground as it were in a myl, ſo as I can not hold, but cry, or roare rather.
9 Lorde, I powre my whole deſire before thee, & my ſighing is not hid from thee.9 But O my Lord, (for I know thou alloweſt mee for thy ſeruaunt though neuer ſo miſerable) for all this thou art my retraicte, my longing is after thee alone, without ſearching ſuccour elſewhere.10 Mine heart panteth: my ſtrength ſaileth me, & the light of mine eyes, euen they are not mine owne. My gronings direct thēſelues to thee, albeit thorough mightye griefe my ſeely forlorne heart had with it ſelf a thouſand wandering diſcourſes, and my force ſo farre forth fayled me, as I loſt my ſight.
11 My louers & my friendes ſtand aſide from my plague, & my kinſmen ſtand a farre off.11 And yet a greater griefe, when as my wretched plight ſhould rather hauehave moued the very ſtones to compaſſion. They which in former tymes had called them ſelues my friendes, and whoſe part I thought it to partake my calamities, they ſtand ſtone ſtill in ſtead of running vntounto mee: yea my next of kinde moſt vnkindely with much a doe vouchſafe to looke at mee, while others,12 They alſo, that ſeeke after my life, lay ſnares, and they that goe about to do me euill, talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually. to whoſe wiſh I cannot dye ſoone ynough, lay ſnares for mee, deſiring nothing but my death, not ceaſing in meane while to ſlaunder me, and to aſſay al meanes of trapping me.
13 All this notwithſtanding, thou knoweſt, Lord, that I hauehave not ſkirmiſhed againe with them, rendring euil for euil either in deede or worde,13 But I as a deafe man heard not, & as a dumme mā, which openeth not his mouth. but hauehave paſſed ouer all this geare as if I had bene deafe not hearing a whit of it, neither hauehave I replyed no more to them then a dumbe man which had neuer vſe of tongue: I anſwered nothing,14 Thus am I as a man, that heareth not and in whoſe mouth are no reproofes. but appoſed onelyonly ſilence to al wrongs: not that I had not iuſt defenſes ynowe, but I had rather referre all to thee, O protector of Innocents, & reuenger of the oppreſſed: knowing full well, that ſilence and patience pleaſe thee woonderfully well.
15 For on thee, O Lord, do I waite: thou wilt heare mee, my Lord, my God.15 Nowe then, O eternall, God, it is thou alone on whome. I wholy wayte. O Lord, thou art my God, and therefore wilt not, I knowe, leaue mee vnanſwered: For,16 For I ſaid, Heare me, leaſt they reioice ouer me: for whē my foote ſlippeth, they extol themſelues againſt me. (quoth I to my ſelfe) is it poſſible for thee to indure that theſe miſchieuous ones which aſſay to hinder the effect of thy promiſes, that theſe vnkinde men which aſſayle thee in ſetting thus vponupon my perſon, ſhould hauehave matter to glad them againſt me?
17 Surely I am ready to halt, and my ſorowe is euer before me.17 Make ſpeede then to me my God, otherwiſe I goe in danger neuer to bee reſtored, being ouerwhelmed with dolours, which accompany me day and night.
18 When I declare my paine, & am ſory for my ſinne,18 For my part, I am alwayes ready to acknowledge my treſpaſſes, the payne whereof I cary with me, tormented in body, and frighted in ſpirite.
19 Then mine enemies are aliue and are mightie, & they that hate mee wrongfully are many.19 Mine enemies quite contrary, enemies, I ſay, without all colour of cauſe, ſtrengthen themſelues, and beare their heads higher and higher, fiercely and brauely againſt mee, who, alack, did neuer ought to them but well,20 They alſo, that rewarde euil for good, are mine aduerſaries, becauſe I followe goodneſſe. and againſt whome they thus band themſelues for none other cauſe, but for that I doe not as they doe, but rather I louelove that which is good, howſoeuer otherwiſe I be a ſinner.
21 And therefore, I eternall God, forſake mee not,21 Forſake mee not, O Lorde: be not thou farre from mee, my God. but keepe thy ſelfe neere this poore creature, which calleth vponupon thee, O Lorde, from whome alone I wayte for deliuerance,22 Haſte thee to helpe mee, O my Lord, my ſaluation. make ſpeede to ayde me in the extremitie of my neceſſitie. Amen.