Meditations Upon Eight Psalms, Part 1
¶ The ſixth Pſalme meditated.
1O Lorde rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chaſtiſe me in thy wrath.AH, woe is me more then miſerable wretche, aſſayled, preſſed, outraged on all ſides, wounded mortally by my conſcience, pearced through and through by the touch of infinite treſpaſſes, and nowe at brincke of that deepe dungeon of deſpayre, in my body euerwhelmed with euils, plunged in ſorrowes, in which torment nothing more can be founde that may adde to my tormēt: what ſhall I doe, what ſhall I ſaye, whither ſhall I goe? what may I finde in my ſelfe but the ſubiect of ſuffering, and the cauſe of that I ſuffer, and who ſhall ſuccour mee from els where? If I looke into heauen, I ſee there my iudge: The ſunne, that great eye of the worlde, which hath ſeene me ſo often to offend his maker and mine, doth ſummon me, and ſeemes to giuegive light to the worlde for none other purpoſe but to behold me whileſt I endure theſe my merited paynes. The night which ſeemes to couer all things els with her darkenes, alas, what doth ſhe witneſſe againſt me? Forſooth me ſeemes, ſhe hath doubled her darkenes in a loathſome deteſtation of that which in glimpſe of her accuſtomed obſcuritie ſhee hath bene forced to perceiue in me: It yrketh the earth to beare ſo vnhappie a creature, and already ſhee openeth yt great throat of her gulfe to ſwallow me in, and to redemaūd my ſelfe to her ſelfe, as hauing too much abuſed that earthly matter which ſhee miniſtred to my maker when he facioned me. All that noriſhment which I receiue frō other creatures, is giuen me onelyonly to entertaine me in this extreme tormēt. Death it ſelfe recules fro mee, leſt ſhe might giuegive at ye leaſt ſome ſenſeleſnes of dolor to this miſerable body, by diſpatching it at once out of ye way. As for mē, they be either mine enemies, or els ſuch friends as hauehave no might to giuegive me remedie: whither ſhal I go thē? what ſhal I ſay? what ſhall I doe? I will euen goe ſtreight to thee, O eternall: For what good ſhal it do me to runne away from him that is eueryevery where? Who cā hide me from before him, which ſeeth euen that that is not? & what creature, though it could, yet durſt vndertake my quarrel wt thee? & if it ſhould vndertake, what would enſue, but their ruine and mine? And my diſeaſe being incurable to all others ſaue to thee, to whome ſhould I hauehave recourſe but to thee? Nowe then, eternall God, more great then greatnes it ſelft, behold him that is leſſe then nothing, vnleſſe the greateſt ill bee ſomething. O creator of man, beholde thy creature quite diſfigured: O louer of man, beholde him that hath conſpired with thine enemie againſt thee: O perfectly good, behold him that is conceiued and borne in vice: beholde the drye wood to the conſuming fireward, and ſhall it yet be ſo hardy as to ſpeake? His miſerie conſtrayneth him to ſeeke remedie: thy goodnes declared in thy promiſes, and verified by ſo many experiences, doeth open his mouth to cry before thee, Reproue me not in thy wrath, correct me not in thine anger. O God, which haſt ſayde, that the waye not to bee iudged, is to iudge our ſelfe, beholde this vnhappie man, that acknowledgeth before thee & thine Angels, before beauen & earth, that my leaſt fault of a thouſande is worthie of thy wrath ſo dreadfull, that none can beare it, becauſe there is none thy match.
2 HaueHave mercy vpō me, O lord, for I am weake: O Lord heale me, for my bones are vexed.2 And what emboldeneth mee then after this ſort: Thy goodneſſe, thy pitie, thy compaſſion, which is ſo much the greater as it ſtretcheth it ſelfe vponupon the vnworthie, & there moſt aboundeth, where there is moſt ſinne. O Lorde, ſuffer mee, though duſt and aſhes, to bee, not bold in my ſelfe, but aſſured in thee. O euerliuing God, I hauehave learned in thine houſe by thee, and in my ſelfe by thy grace, how thou haſt an anger of a moſt gentle father, and a wrath of a moſt ſeuere Iudge. I am worthte of this, but I be ſeeche thee turne it from me, for it deſtroyeth: I refuſe not the other, becauſe it buyldeth vp: for thou chaſtiſeſt whome thou loueſt. Nowe then Lorde, ſmite, but keepe in the violence of the blowe. And to ſpeake in a worde, O eternall God, hauehave pitie on me. For who hath neede of grace, but the guyltie one? Who beggeth comfort, but the afflicted: or phyſicke, but the ſicke?
3 My ſoule is alſo ſore troubled: but Lord how long wilt thou delay:3 And againe, who can raiſe the poore man ouerwhelmed vnderunder the burden of ſinne, beaten downe flat vnderunder thy puiſſant hande, cruſhed bones and all, caſt away in his own conſcience, but thou, O great God, who by thine onelyonly word giueſt being to all that is: Confirme then that which remaynes of thy nature and being in me, or rather worke a newe, that which otherwiſe goeth away & is vndone. And howe long, O my God, wilt thou ſuffer mee thus to languiſh: How long ſhall I cry without being relieued: Howe long ſhall I wayte for thy merciemercy? Suffer, O Lord, that the vehemencie of dolour may vſe this laguage, ſubmitting it ſelfe yet wholly to thine onelyonly good and thriſe good pleaſure.
4 Returne, O Lord: deliuer my ſoule: ſaue me for thy mercies ſake.4 O eternall God, I ſay, turne againe to mee that countenance, which with one looke can reuiue the dead: Lay forth that great compaſſion to heale my ſaynting ſoule: for vponupon thine onelyonly grace it is that I ground my requeſt.
5 For in death there is no remē brance of thee: in the graue who ſhall praiſe thee?5 O God, thou knoweſt what a deſire I hauehave to be an inſtrument of thy glory, and to employ whatſoeuer it may pleaſe thee to make mee to publiſh thy prayſes. Alas, Lord, my ſinnes thus ſending me to death, ſhall they be able to hinder this my purpoſe that comes of thee? For, being dead and lying in the duſt, loe all my purpoſe broken off, my memory ſhall forthwith bee taken quite away, my tongue ſhall ſpeake no more of thee, my mouth ſhal ceaſe to hauehave any being: To be ſhort, this poore corps being fordone, wherein ſhall it ſerue either thee, or my neighbours? Moreouer Lorde, if I do not onelyonly dye, according as is thine ordinance for all men to dye once, but alſo that I dye as one ſmitten in thine ire, Oh my God, my God, howe can I remember thee in that laſt neceſſitie? How can I call vponupon thee at my greateſt neede? To ſpeake at once, what ſhal become of me wofull creature, going to a Iudge that condemneth mee, yea euen already executeth his ſentence vponupon mee? Oh God, preſerue mee from this woe of woes, and giuing me againe for this time life to this poore body, aſſure my poore ſoule by witneſſing vntounto it, that thine anger is ceaſſed, to the ende that death when it ſhall come, be not a meſſenger of terror, but rather may bring tydings of felicitie forthwith to be enioyed.
6 I faynted in my mouruing:6 Alas Lorde, as thou haſt now had an eye, and ſtraightly marked our ſinnes, which thou doeſt nowe make me throughly to feele: ſo conſider this poore creature now changed, condemning that which hee hath too long approoued, yea iudging himſelfe, which is the very meane not to be iudged of thee: for ſo it pleaſeth thee, ſith thou haſt teſtified it both by thy word and by effect. I hauehave long ſlept in ſo many vnhappie pleaſures,I cauſe my bed eueryevery night to ſwimme, & water my couch with my teares. nowe can I ſleepe no more by reaſon of ſighing. O ye nightes, heretofore witneſſes of a thouſand thoughtes wickedly imagined, and of the vnhappy ſequele of thoſe thoughts, be ye now witneſſes of my waylings. And thou my bed, a bed earewhile of reſt very ill employed, be thou throughly moyſtened nowe, and ſwimme thou with my teares.
7 Mine eye is dunined for deſpite, & ſunke in becauſe of all mine enemies.7 Oh thou ſunne, whoſe light I hauehave heretofore ſo much offended, (and howe could I feare to offend thee, being ſo deſperatly bolde as to deſpiſe thy maker and mine, looking into the depth of heartes, and to aſſay to put out his light in me?) O thou Sunne, I ſay, whoſe brightnes I am vnworthie to beholde: mine eyes being iuſtly puniſhed, can no more ſee thee, being ſoaked out and drawen drye by the teares that they hauehave ſhead: they be, I ſaye, quite worne with yrkeſomnes and heauines, whereof they bene witneſſes that vexe mee. But what, ſhall I periſh then? Is there no more hope? Am I quite without recouery? No, no, my God: For whence comes this bewayling of my ſinnes? This hatred of my ſelf? This confidence to call vponupon thee? this deſire to amend? From whēce ſprings it, that I ſpeake yet, and can call thee my God? Certainely it is thy grace: For whence comes any good, but fro thee? O mightie God, howe be thy wayes incomprehenſible! May it be thine yre which ſhould quiet me, or mine heauineſſe that might cheare mee? Or can my death bee the occaſion of my life? No, no, my God, this benefite proceedes no whitte of any worke of mine, but Lord, in working againe him that as much as in him laye, hath vndone himſelfe, thou ſheweſt thy ſelfe to be the ſame that madeſt all things of nothing, and canſt pul light out of darkeneſſe. Grance then commeth from thee vntounto mee, to driue my ſelfe out of my ſelfe, that ſo againe I may finde my ſelfe and all my weale in thee.
8 Away from me al ye workers of iniquity: for ye Lorde hath heard the voyce of my weeping.8 You then mine enemies, which weened to hauehave caſt mee flatte and quite to the grounde, ſhall you dare now to ſhewe your faces any more? Thou malicious Sathan, the firſt author of all ill, what gayneſt thou to hauehave throwen me lowe, vnleſſe it be that thereby my victorie againſt thee is more notable? For, thou ſeeeſt, maugre thy malice, that God will triumphe vponupon thee by my feebleneſſe. Oh, and out vponupon my ſelfe the moſt dangerous enemie to my ſelfe, yeelde thy ſelfe to him, againſt whome the more thou haſt reſiſted, the more neere thou cameſt to thy deſtruction. You curſed men, whoſe trade is to doe ill, and you which hauehave ſo perſecuted mee, I ſtand no longer in feare of you.
9 The Lord hath beard my petitiō: the Lorde wil receiue my prayer.9 For the eternall God, which ſeemed to hauehave caſt mee off, and to deliuer me into your handes as one vtterly reiected, hath heard my deepe ſighes accompanyed with teares:10 Al mine enemies ſhalbe confounded & ſore vexed: they ſhalbe turned back, & put to ſhame ſuddenly. The euerliuing God hath heard my prayers, the eternall will perſeuere to heare my ſupplications.
10 And conſequently all mine enemies which hauehave bene ſo preſumptuous, goe their wayes with ſhame: I ſee them already quite forlorne, they ſhalbe fayne to leaue their vngratious enterpriſe to their reproche, a chaunge ſo much the more wonderfull, as it commeth to paſſe ſuddenly and beyonde all expectation.