Christian Economy, Treatise · Chapter 13
CHAP. 13.
Of the Parent.
HItherto hath been treated of the first Couple, whereof the family cōsisteth, namely, of married folkes. Now follow the other; and they are of two sorts; either such as, whereby the familie is increased, and multiplied; or such as are helpes thereunto.
Those whereby the familie is inlarged, are also of two sorts; Parents and Children.
Parents are they which hauehave power and authoritie ouer children.
The duties of parents are especially two; One to bring vp their children; The other to bestow them, when they hauehave brought them vp.
Touching Education or bringing vp of children, the parents care must bee, both that they may liue, and also that they may liue well, Ephes. 6. 4.
Touching the preseruation of the life of the child, there are many duties required of the Parents, specially foure. First, the mother is her selfe to giuegive the infant sucke, and to wrap it vp in swadling clothes. Paul cōmends it for a note of a good wife, to nurse her owne children, 1. Tim. 5. 10. Thus Sarah gaue sucke to Isaak, Gen. 21. 7. Anna nursed Samuel, 1. Sam. 1. 22. Dauid in likelihood was nursed by his mother, Psal. 22. 9. Thou gauest me hope euen at my mothers breasts. And our Sauiour Christ was also nursed by Marie his mother, Luk. 11. 27. and swadled, Luk. 2. 7. Now the reason hereof is plaine. God hath giuen milke to women that beare children, & hath so appointed, that no meat is more naturall to the child, then the mothers milke. And nature it selfe teacheth this in the course of other creatures. The earth nourisheth that which it bringeth forth. The fruit which the tree beareth is fed by the sap that comes from the root therof. Yea amongst the bruit beasts, euen those that be most sauage, as the Tigres, do giuegive sucke vntounto the yong ones which they bring forth.
Yet in case of want of health, or abilitie, or any other iust impediment, the mother may in equity beforborne, and the child committed vntounto a nurse. And so we reade that Rebekah the daughter of Bethuel, and afterward the wife of Isaak had a nurse, Genes. 24. 59. whose name was Deborah, Gen. 35. 8. And Pharaohs daughter in a case of necessitie, committed Moses to be nursed of an Hebrew woman, whom she tooke not to be his mother, but a stranger; and her fact was allowed by God, Exod. 2. 7. 9.
The second dutie of the Parent is, to prouide for his child meate, drinke, and clothing. Our Sauiour Christ saith, that Parents euen by the light of nature, though they be euill, will not denie or withhold necessarie food from their children: Mat. 7. 9. 10. What man is there among you, that if his son aske him bread, will giuegive him a stone, or if he aske a fish, will giuegive him a scorpion? And Paul saith, If there be any that prouideth not for his owne, and namely for them of his houshold, hee denieth the faith, and is worse then an Infidell, 1. Tim. 5. 8.
The third dutie is, when God giueth abilitie & meanes, to lay vp some thing for the future maintenance of the child. 2. Cor. 12. 14.—for the children ought not to lay vp for the fathers, but the fathers for the children. Prou. 19. 14. House and riches are the inheritance of the fathers.
The fourth is, to obserue both the inclination, and the naturall gifts of bodie and mind that are in the child, and accordingly to bestow it in some honest calling & course of life. Prou. 20. 11. A child is knowne by his actions, whether his worke be pure and right. In the Ecclesiasticall historie,Ruffin. Eccles. hist. lib. 1. c. 14. written by Ruffinus, it is recorded, that Alexander Bishop of Alexandria, saw a far off, in a place neare to the sea, a companie of children playing together, and in their play imitating himselfe in sundrie Ministeriall actions. And whē he had a while viewed them, he perceiued that they examined & baptised one another, according to the solemne order vsed in y• Cōgregation: which thing, whē he had made some of his Clergie acquainted withall, and taken order that the children should be sent for, and brought before him, he demanded of them, what sport they vsed, and in what manner they played one with another. The children at first, for feare, denied what they had done, yet vponupon further examination they confessed, that they had made Athanasius (who afterward became Bishop of the place) their Bishop, and that hee instructed and baptised sundrie of their companie. He further asked both Athanasius himselfe, and those which were said to hauehave been baptised, what questions he asked them, and what answeres they gaue; and perceiuing by their speeches, that they had framed themselues, though in sporting maner, to the Church-proceedings in those actions; vponupon conference had with his Clergie, hee determined, that those which had first been asked, and had giuen answere fully, according to the forme vsed in that Church, and thereupon baptised, should not be rebaptised. And for Athanasius and the other children, which had done the part of Ministers in their kind, he sent for their parents, and gaue them great charge that they should be brought vp in learning and religion, that so they might in time be fit for the publike Ministerie. The like course we reade to hauehave been taken by the Heathen, for iudgement of the inclination and towardnesse of their children.Nazianz. epist. ad Eudoxam. The Athenians made a law, that before children were bestowed in any calling, they should bee first brought into a publike place, where Instruments belonging to all sorts of trades were laid; and look in what kind of Instrument any of them tooke most delight, the child was thought to bee most fit for the trade, whereunto that Instrument belonged, and afterward applied to the same with good successe.
Now the Parents first and principall care must be for the Church; that those of their children which hauehave the most pregnant wit, and be indued with the best gifts, be consecrated vntounto God, and brought vp in the studie of the Scriptures, to serue afterward in the Ministerie of the Church. Thus Anna dedicated Samuel her son vntounto God by vow, 1. Sam. 1. 11. And shee vowed a vow, and said, O Lord of Hostes, if thou wilt—giuegive vntounto thine handmaid a man-child, thē I wil giuegive him vntounto the Lord all the daies of his life. And she did according to her vow, and the Lord blessed Samuel her sonne, who in processe of time became a great Prophet.
The next point of Education of children, is to prouide that they may liue well, and lead a godly life. To this purpose Parents must do three things.
First, they are to be carefull, that the child, so soone as may bee, after it is borne, bee admitted into the true Church of God by Baptisme, and hauehave a fit name giuen vntounto it.
Secondly, they are to endeuour to sow the seeds of godlinesse and religion in the heart of the child, so soone as it comes to the vse of reason and vnderstanding; and as it growes in yeares, so care must be had that it grow in knowledge and grace. To this purpose is the vow and promise made in Baptisme, which parents are bound to call vponupon the child to remember, when it comes to yeares. It was the godly care of Timothies parents, 2. Tim. 3. 14. But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned, knowing of whom thou hast learned them, vers. 15. And that thou hast knowne the holy Scriptures of a child, which are able to make thee wise vntounto saluation, through the faith which is in Christ Iesus. This was the commandement of God to the parents of his people, Deut. 6. 7. Thou shalt rehearse these words which I command thee continually to thy children, and shalt talke of them whē thou tarriest in the house. And vers. 20. When thy sonne shall aske thee in time to come, saying; What meane these Testimonies, and Ordinances, and Lawes, which the Lord our God hath commanded you? Then thou shalt say vntounto thy sonne; We were Pharaohs bondmen in Egypt, &c. This was obserued by the Israelites in the ages …cceeding: Psal. 44. 1. We hauehave heard with our eares, O God: our fathers hauehave told vsus the workes that thou hast done in their daies in old time.
Thirdly, the first instruction of children in learning & religion, must be so ordered, that they may take it with delight. For which purpose, they may be sometimes allowed in moderate maner to play, and solace themselues in recreatiōs fitting for their yeares. And if they do amisse in either, they are to bee restrained by the bridle of discipline. First by reproofe in word, and when that wil not helpe, by the rodde of correction. Zach. 8. 5. The streets of the citie shall bee full of boyes and girles, playing in the streets thereof. Prou. 29. 15. The rod and correction giuegive wisdome, but a child set at libertie makes his mother ashamed. vers. 17. Correct thy son, and he will giuegive thee rest, and giuegive pleasures to thy soule. Hebr. 12. 9. We hauehave had the fathers of our bodies which correct vsus, and we gaue them reuerence.
Yet in this point, two extreames are carefully to be auoided; That the Parent be not either too seuere, or too indulgent to the child. For seue…itie Paul giues his rule, Ephes. 6. 3. Parents prouoke not your children to anger, that is, by too much austeritie in gouernmēt. For lenitie, we hauehave old Eli his example, 1. Sam. 2. 23. And he said vntounto them, Why do yee such things? for of all this people, I heare euill reports of you. Doe no more my sonnes, &c. So much for Education.
The second general dutie of parents, is the bestowing of their children; This bestowing is, when they knowing their children fit for mariage, not to hauehave the gift of continencie, do vse their best indeuour to prouide matches for them in time, or at least, do aduise them therunto by themselues or by their friends: 1. Cor. 7. 36. If any man thinke it vncomelie for his virgin to passe the flower of her age, and need so require—let them bee married. vers. 38. he that giueth her to mariage, doth well. Ierem. 26. 6. Take yee wiues—and take wiues for your sonnes, and giuegive your daughters to husbands, &c. Gen. 28. 1. Isaak called Iacob and blessed him, and charged him and said vntounto him; Take not a wife of the daughters of Canaan: Arise, get thee to Padan Aram—and thence take thee a wife of the daughters of Laban thy mothers brother. Iudg. 14. 2. Sampson came and told his father and his mother, and said, I hauehave seene a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistims; now therefore giuegive me her to wife.
This dutie is now adaies carelessely neglected of Parents; and the fruit therof is dangerous. For hence it comes to passe, that their children oftentimes do either commit whoredome, or vndertake wicked and vngodly mariages.
In the choice of a husband or wife, the Parents ought to hauehave a greater respect vntounto pietie and wisedome, then vntounto beautie and riches, or any other outward blessings. Yet where they all concurre, the partie so qualified is the more thankfully to be entertained. VponUpon these grounds the Priest of Prince of Midian, gaue his daughter Zipporah to Moses, and Moses agreed to take her, Exod. 2. 19. A man of Egypt deliuered vsus from the Philistims, and also drew vsus water enough, & watered the sheepe—And Moses agreed to dwell with the man, who gaue vntounto Moses Zipporah his daughter. Iosu. 15. 16. Then Caleb said, He that smiteth Kiriath-sepher, and taketh it, euen to him will I giuegive Achsah my daughter to wife. Yea it is a sinne to marrie only for beautie, without consideration of the better things. Thus the old world sinned, whē the sonnes of God saw the daughters of men that they were faire, and tooke them wiues of all that they liked, Gen. 6. 2. and Sampson, who only vponupon the sight of the woman in Timnah, of the daughters of the Philistims, without further inquirie, desired that she might be giuen him for his wife, Iudg. 14. 2.
Againe, it is meet that parēts should deale moderately with their children in this case, and not vndertake at any hand to force and compel them to marrie this or that partie. This was the iust commendation of Rebekahs parents, who though they were Idolaters, yet had that regard of equity, that they first called her and asked her consent, before they sent her away with Abrahams seruant, to be maried to Isaak, Gen. 24. 58. Now in case the Parents faile in their dutie in this regard, the son or daughter may lawfully declare the matter first to their kinsfolke, and afterward (if need be) to the Minister, or Magistrate, and sue for redresse by their means and direction.