Work for a Cooper 2, Title page – Author to priests
Hay any worke for Cooper: Or a briefe Piſtle directed by waye of an hublication to the reverende Byſhopps / counſelling them / if they will needs be barrelled vp / for feare of ſmelling in the noſtrels of her Maieſtie & the State / that they would vſe the aduiſe of reuerend Martin / for the prouiding of their Cooper. Becauſe the reuerend T.C. (by which miſticall letters / is vnderſtood / eyther the bounſing Parſon of Eaſtmeane, or Tom Coakes his Chaplaine) to bee an vnſkilfull and a beceytfull tubtrimmer.
Wherein worthy Martin quits himſelfe like a man I warrant you / in the modeſt defence of his ſelfe and his learned Piſtles / and makes the Coopers hoopes to flye off / and the Biſhops Tubs to leake out of all crye.
Penned and compiled by Martin the Metropolitane.
Printed in Europe / not farre from ſome of the Bounſing Prieſtes.
A man of worſhipp / to the men of worſhip / that is / Martin Marprelate gentleman / Primate / & Metropolitane of all the Martins wherſoeuer. To the Iohn of al the ſir Iohns / and to the reſt of the terrible prieſts: ſaith hauehave among you once againe my cleargie maſters. For
O Brethren / there is ſuch a deal of louelove growne of late I perceiue / betweene you and me / that although I would be negligent in ſending my Piſtles vntounto you: yet I ſee you cannot forget me. I thought you to bee verye kinde when you ſent your Purcivaunts about the countrie to ſeeke for me. But now that you your ſelues hauehave taken the paines to write / this is out of all crie. Why it paſſes to thinke what louing & carefull brethren I hauehave / who although I cannot be gotten / to tell them where I am / becauſe I louelove not the ayre of the Clinke or Gatehouſe in this colde time of Winter / and by reaſon of my buſines in Piſtlemaking / will notwithſtanding make it knowne vntounto the world / that they hauehave a moneths mind towards me. Now truly brethren / I find you kinde / why ye do not know what a pleaſure you hauehave done me. My worſhips books were vnknowne to many / before you allowed T.C. to admoniſhe the people of England to take heed / that if they loued you / they woulde make much of their prelates / and the chiefe of the cleargie. Now many ſeeke after my bookes / more then euer they did. Againe / ſome knew not that our brother Iohn of Fulham / was ſo good vntounto the porter of his gate / as to make the poore blinde honeſt ſoule / to be a dum miniſter. Many did not know / eyther that Amen / is as much as by my fayth / & ſo that our Sauiour Chriſte euer ſware by his fayth: or that bowling and eating of the Sabboth / are of the ſame nature: that Bb. may as lawfully make blinde guydes / as Dauid might eate of the Shew bread: or that father Thomas tubtrimmer of Wincheſter / good old ſtudent / is a maſter of Arts of 45. yeares ſtanding. Many I ſay / were ignorant of theſe thinges / and many other prettie toyes / vntil you wrote this prettie booke. Beſides whatſoeuer you ouerpaſſe in my writings / and did not gainſay / that I hope wilbe iudged to be true. And ſo Iohn a Bridges his treaſon out of the 448. page of his booke / you graunt to be true. Your ſelues you denie not to bee pettie popes. The B. of ſir Dauids in Wales / you denie not to hauehave two wiues / with an hundred other thinges which you do not gainſay: ſo that the reader may iudge that I am true of my worde / and vſe not to lye like Bb. And this hath greatly commended my worſhipps good dealing. But in your confutation of my book / you hauehave ſhewed reuerende Martin to be truepenie in deede: For you hauehave confyrmed / rather then confuted him. So that brethren / the pleaſure which you hauehave done vntounto me / is out of all ſcotche and notche. And ſhoulde not I againe be as readie to pleaſure you? Naye / then I ſhoulde be as vngrateful towards my good brethrē / as Iohn of Cant. is to Thomas Cartwright. The which Iohn / although he hath bin greatly fauored by the ſaid Thomas / in that Thomas hath now theſe many yeares let him alone and ſaid nothing vntounto him / for not anſwering his books / yet is not aſhamed to make a ſecrete compariſon / betweene himſelfe and Thomas Cartwright. As who ſay / Iohn of Lambehith / were as learned as Thomas Cartwright. What ſay you old deane Iohn a Bridges / hauehave not you ſhewed your ſelfe thankfull vntounto hir Maieſtie / in ouerthrowing hir ſupremacie in the 448. page of your booke. I will lay on load on your ſkincoat for this geare anon.
And I will hauehave my penyworths of all of you brethrē ere I hauehave done with you / for this pains which your T.C hath taken with me. This is the puritans craft / in procuring me to be confuted I knowe: Ile be euen with them to. A craftie whoreſons brethren Bb. did you thinke / becauſe ye puritans T.C. did ſet Iohn of Cant, at a nonplus, and gaue him the ouerthrow / that therefore your T.C. alias Thomas Cooper biſhop of Wincheſter / or Thomas Cooke his Chaplaine / could ſet me at a nonplus. Simple fellowes / me thinkes he ſhould not.
I geſſe your T.C. to be Thomas Cooper (but I do not peremptorily affirme it) becauſe the modeſt olde ſtudent of 52. yeres ſtanding / ſetteth Wincheſter after Lincolne & Rocheſter in the contents of his booke / which blaſphemy / would not hauehave bin tollerated by them that ſaw and allowed the book / vnleſſe miſtres Coopers huſband had bin the author of it.
Secondly / becauſe this T.C. the author of this booke is a biſhop / and therefore Thomas Cooper / he is a Biſhop / becauſe he reckoneth him ſelfe charged amongſt others / with thoſe crimes whereof non are accuſed but biſhops alone / pag. 101. lin. 26. Ha olde Martin yet I-ſee thou haſt it in thee / thou wilt enter into the bowels of the cauſe in hand I perceue. Nay if you wil commend me / I will giuegive you more reaſons yet. The ſtile and the phraſe is very like her huſbands / yt was ſomtimes woont to write vntounto doctor Day of Welles. You ſee I can do it in deed. Again / non would be ſo groſhead as to gather / becauſe my reuerence telleth Deane Iohn / that he ſhall hauehave twenty fiſts about his eares more then his owne (whereby I meant in deede / that manye would write againſt him / by reaſon of his bomination learning / which otherwiſe neuer ment to take pen hand) that I threatned him with blowes / and to deale by ſtafford law: Whereas that was far from my meaning / and could by no means be gathered out of my words / but only by him that pronounced Eulojin for Enlogeni in the pulpit: and by him whom a papiſt made to beleeue / that the greek word Enlogeni, that is to giuegive thanks / ſignifieth to make a croſſe in the forhead: py hy hy hy. I cannot but laugh / py hy hy hy. I cannot but laugh / to thinke that an olde ſoaking ſtudent in this learned age / is not aſhamed to be ſo impudent as to preſume to deale with a papiſt / when he hath no grue in his pocked. But I promiſe you Sir / it is no ſhame to be a L. biſhop if a man could / thogh he were as vnlerned as Iohn of Gloceſter or William of Liechfeld. And I tel you true / our brother Weſtcheſter / had as liue playe twentie nobles in a night / at Priemeero on the cards / as trouble him ſelfe with any pulpit labor / and yet he thinks him ſelf to be a ſufficient biſhop. What a biſhop ſuch a cardplaier? A biſhop play 20. nobles in a night? Whie a round threpence ſerueth the turn to make good ſport 3. or 4. nights amongſt honeſt neighbours. And take heede of it brother Weſtcheſter: it is an vnlawfull game if you will beleeue me. Foe / in winter it is no matter to take a litle ſport / for an od caſt braces of 20. nobles when the wether is foule / that men cannot go abroad to boules / or to ſhoote? What would you hauehave men take no recreatiō? Ye but it is an old ſaid ſaw / inough is as good as a feaſt. And recreations muſt not be made a trade and an occupation / …a maſter Martin Marprelate. I tel you true brother mine / though I hauehave as good a gift in piſtle making / as you hauehave at priemeero / and far more delight then you can hauehave at your cards / for the louelove I beare to my brethren / yet I dare not vſe this ſport / but as a recreation / not making any trade therof. And cards I tel you though they bee without hornes / yet they are parlous beaſts. Be they lawful or vnlawful take heed of them for al that. For you cannot vſe them but you muſt needs ſay your brother T.C. his Amen / that is / ſweare by your faith / many a time in the night / wel I will neuer ſtande argling the matter any more with you. If you will leaue your card playing ſo it is / if you wil not / truſt to it it wil be the worſe for you.
I muſt go ſimply and plainly to worke with my brethren / that hauehave publiſhed T.C. Whoſoeuer hauehave publiſhed that booke / they hauehave ſo hooped the biſhops tubbs / that they hauehave made them to ſmel far more odious then euer they did / euen in the noſtrels of all men. The booke is of 252. pages. The drift thereof is / to confute certaine printed and publiſhed libelles. You beſtowe not ful 50. pages in the anſweare of any thing that euer was publiſhed in print. The reſt are beſtowed to maintaine the belly / and to confute: what think you? Euen the ſlanderous inuentions of your owne braines for the moſt part. As yt it is not lawfull for her Maieſtie to allot any lands vntounto the maintenaunce of the miniſter / or the miniſter to liue vpō lands for this purpoſe allotted vntounto him / but is to content him ſelfe with a ſmal pention / & ſo ſmall / as he hauehave nothing to leaue for his wife & childrē after him (for whom he is not to be careful / but to reſt on gods prouidence) and is to require no more but foode and raiment / that in pouerty he might be anſwerable vntounto our Sauiour Chriſt and his apoſtles. In the confutation of theſe points / & the ſcriptures corruptly aplied to proue them / there is beſtowed aboue an 100. pages of this book / that is / from the 149. vntounto the end. Well T.C. whoſoeuer thou art / & whoſoeuer Martin is / neither thou / nor any man or woman in England ſhal know while you liue / ſuſpect and trouble as many as you wil / and therefore ſaue your mony in ſeeking for him / for it may be he is neerer you then you are ware of. But whoſoeuer thou art I ſay / thou ſheweſt thy ſelfe to be a moſt notorious wicked ſlanderer / in fathering theſe things vppon thoſe whome they call puritans / which neuer any enioying common ſenſe would affirme. And bring me him / or ſet downe his name and his reaſons that holdeth any of the former points confuted in thy book / and I wil proue him to be vtterly bereaued of his witts / and his confuter to be either ſtark mad / or a ſtark enemy to al religion / yea to her Maieſtie & the ſtate / of this kingdome. No no / T.C. puritans hold no ſuch points. It were well for biſhops / that their aduerſaries were thus ſottiſhe. They might then iuſtly inſence her Maieſtie and the ſtate againſt them / if they were of this minde. Theſe obiections / in the confutation whereof / thou haſt beſtowed ſo much time / are ſo farre from hauing any puritane to be their author / as whoſoeuer readeth the book / were he as blockheaded as Thomas of Wincheſter himſelfe / hee may eaſily knowe them to be obiections onelyonly inuented by the authour of the booke himſelfe. For although hee bee an impudent wretch / yet dareth he not ſet them downe / as writings of any other: for then he woulde hauehave deſcribed the author and the booke by ſome adient.
The puritans in deede / holde it vnlawfull for a miniſter to hauehave ſuch temporall reuenews / as whereby tenne miniſters might be well maintained / vnleſſe the ſayd reuenews come vntounto him by inheritance.
They holde it alſo vnlawfull / for any ſtate to beſtowe the liuings of many miniſters vponupon one alone / eſpecially when there is ſuch want of miniſters liuings.
They holde it vnlawfull for anye miniſter to be Lorde ouer his brethren. And they holde it vnlawfull for anye ſtate to tollerate ſuch vnderunder their gouernment. Becauſe it is vnlawfull for ſtates / to tollerate men in th…ſe places whereinto the word hath forbidden them to enter.
They affirme that our Sauiour Chriſte / hath forbidden all miniſters to be Lords / Luke. 22.25. And the Apoſtle Peter / ſheweth them to be none of Gods miniſters / which are Lords ouer Gods heritage / as you Biſhopps are / and woulde bee accounted. Thoſe thinges T.C. y… ſhould hauehave confuted / and not troubles your ſelfe / to execute the fruites of your owne braines / as an enemie to the ſtate. And in theſe points / I do challenge you T.C. and you Deane Iohn / and you Iohn Whi…gift / and you doctor Cooſins / and you doctor Capraſe (Cop… … your name be) and as many elſe / as hauehave or dare write in the defence of the eſtabliſhed church gouernment. If you cannot confute my former aſſertions / you do but in vain thinke to maintaine your ſelues by ſlaunders / in fathering vppon the puritanes / the ofſpringes of your owne blockheads. And aſſure your ſelues / I wil ſo beſoop you if you cānot defend your ſelues in theſe points / as al the world ſhal cry ſhame vppon you / you think protely to eſcape the point of your Antichriſtian calings / by giuing out that puritans hold it vnlawfull for her maieſtie to leaue any lands for the vſe of the miniſters maintenance, I cannot but commend you / for I promiſe you / you can ſhift of an haynous accuſation very pretily.
A true man bringeth vnanſwerable witneſſes againſt a robber by the high way ſide / & deſireth the iudge / that the lawe may proceede againſt him. O no my Lord ſaith the thiefe / in any caſe let not me be dealt with. For theſe mine accuſers hauehave giuen out / that you are a drunkard or they hauehave committed treaſon againſt the ſtate: therefore I pray you beleeue my ſlander againſt thē / that they may be executed: ſo when I come to my trial / I ſhalbe ſure to hauehave no accuſers. A very prety way to eſcape / if a man could tel howe to bringe the matter about. Now bretheren biſhops / your manner of dealing / is euen the very ſame. The puritans ſay truly / that al Lord biſhops are pety Antichriſtes / and therefore that the magiſtrates ought to thruſt you out of the common welth. Nowe of all loues ſay the biſhops / let not our places be called in queſtion / but rather credit our ſlanders againſt the puritans / whereby / if men would beleeue vsus when we lie / we would beare the world in hand / that theſe our accuſers are Malcontents and ſottiſh men / holding it vnlawful for the maieſtrat to alott any lands for the miniſters portion / and vnlawful for the miniſter to prouide for his family. And therefore you muſt not giuegive eare to the accuſations of any ſuch men againſt vsus. And ſo we ſhal be ſure to be acquited. But brethren doe you thinke to be thus cleared? why the puritans hold no ſuch points as you lay to their charg. Though they did / as they do not / yet that were no ſufficient reaſon / why you being pettye popes / ſhoulde be maintained in a chriſtian commonwealth. Anſweare the reaſons that I brought againſt you: otherwiſe / Come off you biſhops / leaue your thouſandes / and content your ſelues with your hundreds / ſaith Iohn of London. So that you do plainly ſee / that your Cooper T.C. is but a deceitful workeman / and if you commit the hooping of your biſhopricks vntounto him / they wil ſo leake in a ſhort ſpace / as they ſhalbe able to keepe neuer a Lord biſhop in them. And this may ſerue for an aunſwere vntounto the latter part of your booke / by way of an Interim / vntil more worke for Cooper be publiſhed.
Hay any worke for Cooper.
ANd now reuerend T.C. I am come to your epiſtle to the reader / but firſt you & I muſt go out alone into the plaine fields / and there we wil try it out / euen by plaine ſyllogiſmes / and that I know biſhops cannot abide to heare of.
The reuerend T.C. to the reader. page 1.
I draw great danger vponupon my ſelfe / in defending our biſhops and others the chiefe of the clargy of the church of England. Their aduerſaries are very eger: the ſaints in heauen hauehave felt of their tongs / for when they ſpeake of Paule / Peter / Marye / &c. whome others iuſtly call ſaints: they in deriſion call them ſir Peter / ſir Paule / ſir Marie.