Lectures Upon Psalm 51, Part 5 · Lecture 59
Lecture LIX. On Psalme 51.5. May 29. 1627.
NOw it followeth that we proceed unto the Meanes that God hath in his Word directed parents to use,Meanes. for the saving of their childrens soules. And those are five principally.
First, If we desire to save our children, and to heale their natures, we must be carefull to maintaine that authority and preheminence, that God hath given us over them. We must take heed we loose not that honour and reverence that is due to us from our children. Certaine it is that by the will of God, and even by the law of nature, there is an honour and inward reverence of heart due from the child to every parent, be the parent never so poore, never so full of weaknesses, and infirmities. You know that in the fift commandement, Exod. 20.12. this is made the summe of all the duties the child oweth to his parents, Honour thy father, and thy mother, because this is the chiefe duty of all others, yea this is the root, and fountaine of all other duties, a child can performe. If he do not in his heart honour and reverence them, he can do no duty to them well. A sonne honoureth his father (saith the Lord, Mal. 1.6.) if I be a father where is mine honour? And Deut. 27.16. Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or mother. It is not sufficient for a child to love his parents, but he must also (out of this inward reverence and honour he beareth them in his heart) stand in awe of them, and be afraid to offend them. Levit. 19.3. Ye shall feare every man his mother and his father. See how fearefull Iacob was to grieve or offend his father, though he were an old blind man, Gen. 27.12. My father will peradventure feele me, and I shall seeme to him as a deceiver, and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing. And no marvell though this honour and reverence be due to the parent; For our parents by being the meanes and instruments of our being, are unto us in Gods stead, and (as his lieftenants) have had his power communicated unto them (for he onelyonly is properly and absolutely our father, and the author of our being, Mat. 23.9.) And in this respect that which the Apostle speaketh of husbands, 1 Cor. 11.7. and so of all superiors may be said of them, they beare the image and glory of God. In honouring them we honour God, in despising them we despise the Lord.
Now this authority and preheminence that God hath given us over our children, we must be carefull to maintaine, we must take heed we loose not this honour and inward reverence that is due unto us from them. That which the Lord requireth of a minister towards his slock, Tit. 2.15. that he should speake and exhort, and rebuke with all authority, and see that no man despised him; He should take heed, that he doe not by his loosenesse either in life or doctrine, loose his honour and authority in the hearts of his people; for if he doe there will bee little hope his doctrine shall ever do good, be his gifts never so excellent. That is every whit as much required of parents towards their children; and to every parent the Lord Likewise saith maintaine thine authority, take heed thy children despise thee not. We shall find it noted by the Apostle, 1 Tim. 3.4. for a great blemish in a Christian, and such a one as (be his gifts otherwise never so excellent) maketh him uncapable of the honour of the ministery if he cannot rule in his owne house, if he keepe not his children in subjection. Every father must be a ruler in his owne house, every childe must be kept in subjection. Our blessed Saviour was subject unto his parents, Luke 2.51. Yet his father Ioseph was but a poore carpenter, and his mother so poore that she could get no better roome in Bethlem then a stable to be brought to bed in. It is not sufficient for you that are parents to advise, and wish and admonish your children to leave any lewd course, you see them to hold (Ely did so much. 1 Sam. 2.23, 24. and yet we know God was highly offended with him, because he did not enough) parents must doe more then so, they must with authority charge and command and compell them to doe it. I know (saith the Lord of Abraham, Gen. 18.19) that hee will command his childen, to keepe the way of the Lord. And Deut. 32.46. Yee shall command your children to observe, and doe all the words of this Law, and I charged every one of you (saith the Apostle. 1 Thess. 2.11.) as a father doth his children. If parents maintaine not this authoritie, if they become haile-fellow well met, with their children, if they loose their honour and reverence in their children hearts (as certainely now adayes most have done) 1. They shall dishonour their head (as the Apostle speaketh, 1 Cor. 11.4.) the dishonour and contempt reacheth unto God, whose Image they beare, whose person they represent, as we have heard. 2. They undoe their children, and disable them from profiting, by any meanes they shall use for the reforming of them, or saving of their soules.
Quest.Surely this were an excellent thing (will you say) if parents could maintaine their authority, and honour in the hearts of their children; but how may this be done? This is such an age, as there is little or no possibility of it?
Answ.I answer. It is true, that this falleth out sometimes through the just judgement of God, that doe parents what they can, some children will be stubborne, and rebellions, sons of Belial, that will beare no yoke. It is foretold by the holy Ghost, 2 Tim. 3.2. as one of the chiefe mischiefes and diseases, that should raigne and rage in these last dayes, and should make these times so perilous, that men should be disobedient to parents. It cannot bee avoided, it must bee so, that the Scripture may bee fulfilled. And it is foretold as a signe and fore-runner that doth presage the ruine of a state and nation. Esa. 3.5. The child shall behave himselfe proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honourable. Yet it is also certaine, that parents themselves are (for the most part) the cause why they have no more honour, and reverence in the hearts of their children; when they maintaine not, but loose that authority that God hath given them over their children. And that two wayes.
First. Because they doe not themselves honour, and feare God, therefore their children cannot honour nor feare them. Solomon by the spirit telleth us, Prov. 11.16. that a gracious woman retaineth honour, and that that is there said of a woman, even of a mother, may likewise bee said of a gracious father, hee retaineth honour. The true feare of God will procure reverence, and esteeme to a man, even in the hearts of such as have no grace in them. Mark. 6.20. Herod feared Iohn, knowing that he was a just man, and an holy, and he observed him. For 1. this image of God carrieth such a Majesty in it, as a man cannot choose but honour it, in whomsoever he seeth it; It is called therfore by the Apostle, the spirit of glory, 1 Pet. 4.14.2 Besides, the Lord hath bound himselfe by promise, to give honour to them that honour him. 1 Sam. 2.30. them that honour me, I will honour. If any man serve me (saith our Saviour, Iohn 12.26.) him will my father honour. Certainly, if parents did feare and honour God in their hearts, and expresse in their whole conversation, their children must needs honour them, they could not despise them. On the other side, if parents feare not God themselves, their children cannot honour them. If children see their parents to bee irreligious, malicious against religion, filthy and drunken persons, how can they honour them? I know they should bee unwilling to see any such thing in their parents, they should with Sem, and Iaphet, cast their mantle over them, but it is not possible for them to doe it. That which is said of Ierusalem, may be said of all men, Lam. 1.8. All that honoured her, despise her, because they have seene her nakednesse. They that thus see the nakednesse of them, whom by nature they ought most to honour, cannot choose but despise them. I told you, all parents do beare the image of God, but these foule sins do so deface it, as men can discerne no glory in it, men cannot honour it. God hath said, they that despise me, shall be lightly esteemed. 1 Sam. 2.30. And when God will have men to bee despised, when he powreth contempt upon them, when he saith of any as he doth of Ninivie, Nah. 3.6. I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make thee vile, who can then honour them in their hearts? And this is one cause why most parents have no reverence in their childrens hearts.
Secondly. Another is this, because they did neglect to keepe their children in awe when they were young; they laid the raines upon their necks, they corrected them not, but cockered them in their tender yeeres. The fathers of our flesh (saith the Apostle, Heb. 12.9.) corrected us, and wee gave them reverence. As if he had said; If they had not corrected us, wee should not have reverenced them so much. And it is expressely noted for the cause why David lost his honour in the heart of his sonne Adoniah, 1 Kings 1.6. His father had not displeased him at any time, not so much as in saying, why hast thou done so?
I grant that those parents governe best, that can maintaine their authority, and keepe their children in awe with little or no sharpenesse and severity; and many parents are too apt to offend in too much rigour this way; else would not the Apostle have given this charge twice unto parents, Ephes. 6.4. Colos. 3.21. Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, exasperate them not. But this is also certaine, that the best children when they are young, are of a servile disposition, more moved with feare then love. The best mans heire, as long as hee is a child (saith the Apostle Gal. 4.1.) differeth nothing from a servant, though he be Lord of all. And Solomon observeth, Prov. 29.19. that a servant will not be corrected by words. No parent may hope to weaken and destroy the corruption that is in his childs heart, though he teach him never so well, and use all the allurements he can, to draw him to goodnesse, if he doe not also correct him, and use the rod sometimes. The Lord himselfe who is both the wisest, and the best father, and who loveth his children a thousand times more then any of us can love ours he taketh this course with his children, yea, resembleth himselfe therein unto all wise parents, Deut, 8.5. Consider in thine heart, that as a father chasteneth his sonne, so the Lord God chasteneth thee. And Heb. 12.6, 7. Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every sonne whom hee receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons, for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? This is a speciall meanes commended to us by the holy Ghost, and sanctified to this end, even to abate the strength of naturall corruption in children, and to make them capable of saving grace. And therefore it is to be observed in the law, that no child was to be reputed gracelesse, and past hope, till he had shewed himselfe, not only unteachable, but incorrigible also, till his parents had used meanes to reforme him, not onelyonly by counsell, instruction, and reproofe, but by correction, and chastisement also, and all in vaine; That would not obey the voice of his father, nor the voice of his mother, and that when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Deut. 21.18. Hee that spareth the rod (saith Solomon, Prov. 13.24) hateth his son, but he that loveth him, chasteneth him betimes. Thou sayest it is nothing but love that maketh thee to beare with thy child; and would you not have me love my child sayest thou? Alas, who could find in their heart to beat so sweet a child? But the holy Ghost saith thou lyest, it is not love indeed, it is hatred. We love not our children, we hate them, if wee correct them not; nay wee love them not, wee hate them if we correct them not betimes, while they are such pretty ones. Againe, Prov. 19.18. Chasten thy son while there is hope (that is, while he is young, then there is great hope of doing him good by it, and small hope afterward, if it bee neglected then. O but thou wilt say, I cannot endure to heare him cry; But what saith the holy Ghost in the next words?) and let not thy soule spare for his crying. It is a strange thing to observe, how the holy Ghost speaketh of the efficacy, and fruits of this, and how hee meeteth with all excuses that foolish parents are wont to pretend for the neglect of it. Foolishnesse is bound in the heart of a child (saith Solomon, Prov. 22.15.) but the rod of correction will drive it farre from him. But would you have me cruell to mine owne child sayest thou? Nay saith the holy Ghost, this is no cruelty, thou art unmercifull to thy child, if thou do not correct him. Prov. 23.13. With-hold not correction from thy child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not dye. He will dye, he will perish if thou correct him not, and art not thou cruell if thou wilt not doe what thou canst to keepe thy child from perishing? O but thou wilt say, alas, childrens faults are nothing, their stubbornnesse, lying, cursing, swearing, profanes…e. But what saith the holy Ghost, Prov. 23.14. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soule from hell. He will goe to hell, if thou let him doe what hee list, thou mayest keepe him from hell by correcting him. O but this were the way to make my child hate me, yea, and to make him a dullard, so as I should never have comfort of him. No (saith the holy Ghost) there is no such danger in it, Prov. 29 17. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, hee shall give delight unto thy soule.
Applic.To conclude this first meanes. O that parents would see their sin in the neglect of this. 1. They loose that inward honour, reverence, and subjection also, that their children owne unto them. 2. They spoile and undoe their children, and make themselves the authors of all their ungraciousnesse. For the best natured child in the World, if he bee not kept in awe, if hee bee suffered to doe what he list, must needs run ryot, Prov. 29.15. A child left to himselfe, bringeth his mother to shame; yea, and his father too; though the mother bee there only named, because she usually is most too blame in this kind. 3. They dishonour God, and quite pervert his ordinance. For whereas by Gods ordinance, their children should honour them, they honour their children, as the Lord told Ely, 1 Sam. 2.29. Thou honourest thy sons above mee. And whereas by Gods ordinance, their children should feare them, and be afraid to displease them, they are afraid to displease their children, as the holy Ghost saith of David, 1 Kin. 1.6. hee durst not displease his son Adoniah, no not so much as by a crosse word, or by saying unto him, why hast thou done so?