The Pageant of Popes, Book 6 · Part 25
145. Boniface the ix.
BOniface the ix. borne in Naples, was first called Peter Thomacell being but a yonker scant xx. yeares old, but a toughe and sturdy fellow, he was made Pope by consent of those Cardinals yt remayned in Rome. Theodoricus sayth that he could neyther write nor singe, and that when he was chosen he knewe not what belonged to the greate charge of the Papacye, and when supplications were offered him, he handled them so vntowardly as if he had neuer beene brought vp in the Court of Rome, neyther could he vnderstand the contentes thereof. When any aduocates during his gouernment moued any matter debated in his consistorye, he neuer vnderstoode them, but woulde bolte out an vndiscrete aunsweare to their demaundes. At the first during the liues of certaine good Cardinals he durste not openlye commit simonye, thoughe priuilye he vsed his brokers therein: but they being dead after vii. yeares he vsed it openly. First he toke the first fruictes of all abbeyes and great Churches voyde, and ere the lyuing were bestowed the money must be payed: yea often he was heard to wishe, that the money being payed the party might not enioy it, that he might be payd new first fruictes againe by another. This was the chiefest of those xxvi. Neapolitans, whō beinge of his alleance Pope Vrban made Cardinals at Nuceria: who (as Crantzius sayth) beinge confirmed & established, did forthwith confirme those things which Vrban had decreed touching the Iubely to be kept eueryevery xiii. yeare, the feast of the visitation of the virgin Mary, and indulgences & pardons for the worshipping of Christes bodye. But by his couetousnes and simonye, because al benefices were sould for moneye, vsurye waxed so rancke in Rome, that it was counted no sinne (sayth Theodoricus) in his time: yea oftentimes vsurye was required openlye, euen in the presence of the iudges and officials. And againe there was no sute made to the Pope for anye matter, but that brybes must be giuen for speakinge. The fifte daye of Nouember in the first yeare of his raigne, hee, his Secretaryes, and his chamberlaynes set benefices to sale so impudently, offering and trying who would giuegive most, so that al men laughed it to scorne. At which time he gaue vnderunder seale any benefice where soeuer, were it in his disposition or no, his gift to take place vpō ye death of the incumbente: and this kinde of sale lasted longe in the Courte of Rome, so that many poachers ran vp and downe ye countrye to espye where were any olde or sicke prelate, & therevpon poas…ed to Rome to purchase a graunt of his lyuing: so that sometime the Pope sould one benefice to diuers parties, and vsed to set downe in the dating of it that the secōd third or the fourth graunt should stande aboue and before the rest: and therefore after diuers grauntes of one benefice yet some purchased one after al with this clause, to defeate the rest notwithstanding al former or after graunts, and for more assurance the last should be antedated. Thus the Pope played pollage so long till all men being weary of his mockery, his market decayed.
A thousande other practises were put in vre by him and his clergye as appeareth at large in Theodoricus, and yet because the Pope did it, is was no sinne, for so they sayd generallye. He sent abroad his collectours into diuers coū tryes with pardons, who thereby purloyned great treasures from the simple people, so that they brought oute of some one prouince an hundred thousand Florences: but ye Pope calling these his officers to accompte, and findinge yt some of them defrauded him, he put them in pryson, some he put to death, some murthered themselues, some were he wed in peeces by the people for their cruell exactions. When these and the former shiftes waxed stale, then the Pope and his complices deuised newe. They made newe grauntes of benefices which did disanull all the olde: but they were very deare, for they were sould for fifty dukates a peece, and they to whom the Pope graunted them, sould them with condicion that the sellar should hauehave porcion of the commoditye. And if one man had a benefice graunted him & the graunte were written and sealed, yet if another came in the deede doinge ere it were deliuered and woulde giuegive more, the former seale was broken, the wrytinge cancelled, and the graunte voyde, and so as often as the price was enhaunsed, ye gift was chaunged: yea they that made the former offers were rayled on, and rebuked bitterly by Boniface, charging them that they went about to beguile him in bargayning, offering not so much as ye benefice was worth. At this time a contagious plague raigned in Rome wher of men dyed so fast, that (sayth Theodoricus) I hauehave seene one benefice sould to many men in one weeke, eueryevery one paying the price for it and dying immediatly, another came by and by and gaue money for it, and so he dying ye third did likewise. Then might a doult get a lyuinge better cheape then a learned man, for the Pope beinge ignorant loued those best that were likest to himselfe. Whē money wanted, yet rather then Boniface woulde leese his market, he was contente to take other stuffe, as hogges, horses, graine, wheat, neate, sheepe or any thing els. Thus were al the Popes courtiers become bargainers, brokers, vsurers and simonistes: and he that could deuise the most crafty shiftes, was counted wysest & most esteemed. Some hauing then a graunt to take for himselfe perhaps ii. iii. or iiii. of the benefices that he could espye next voyde, woulde by meanes of this commission cease vponupon xx. and keepe the commoditye of them in his handes: they that vsed these shiftes were the Popes auditours, & by this meanes they disapointed other men that had the like graūtes, and thus they might do with pretence of law, because they had prerogatiues being chaplaines and officers vntounto Pope Boniface. Hereupon a rose manye suetes and controuersyes in law, so that the clients being wōderfully encreased in nomber, the proctours and lawyers would not plead but hauehave vnreasonable fees. The Pope also for eueryevery seale that hee graunted had his …ee of al men except his Cardinals: thus was Rome on all sides fleeced, filched and fleaed. And yet in all this simony and briberye, euerye one that receiued a benefice had an oath ministred to him that he came by it wt out any vnlawfull conditions of bying or sellinge. Afterward the said Boniface decreed that euerye archbishop, bishop, abbot or such like, if within a yeare after the receyuing of his lyuing he had not fully satisfyed ye Popes trea…urye, the lyuing to be voyde immediatly: and in this snare many prelates of all degrees was sodenly trapped, so that of archbishops, bishops and abbots they became my Lords quondam, & of rich men, beggers. Many fugitiue friers, hedge priestes, roages, rascals, verlets and pezaunts seing this, ranne thicke to the Popes court offering themselues to serue him as his slaues, on whō he bestowed ye lyuinges whereof other were depriued: so that some yt to daye were ruffians, beggers & lackeyes, as to morrowe were become bishops, archbishops, abbots and priors: thus on all sides the miser Boniface made a miserable clergy for greedines of money. Beside this many monkes and fryers did purchase licence of him to dwel aloofe oute of their religious houses and cloisters: priestes boughte lycences to hauehave as many benefices and dignities as they could get, to sel their olde and to buye newe, and to be nonresident at their pleasure. Neither (sayth Theodoricus) could any thing be demaunded so vniust and absurde, but for money it might be gotten. And as Boniface did, so his couetous mother and two of his brethren beinge in his court with him, obtained grauntes of him at their pleasure, and sould them for double the price. If any noble men came to ye court with fayre horses, then the mother and her sonnes woulde be sure to hauehave them or the most part of them: for no man durst deny them any thing that they craued. This Boniface had also a sister whom he gaue in mariage to the Earle of S. Flauiā, and made him duke of Adria, geuinge him wt his sister 17. Thousand Florences, but at length the said duke in a fraye slue her with a knife, for the which yt duke was afterwarde trayterouslye murthered. Manye tumults were made & procured by this Boniface in diuers places, and especially one bloudye sedition which lasted longe in Peruse. Also he entertayned very curteously a certaine abbot, who to gratifye him had murthered Beordus gouernour of Peruse in his bedde chamber, suffering him vponupon especial good will and amitye to come into him. In the xi. yere of this Boniface one Nicolas de Columna made a conspiracye to hauehave come in the nighte vponupon the saide Pope, to hauehave depriued him of his temporall iurisdiction, but hee geuinge the attempt and cōminge with his men in armour to the Popes gate, was yet disapointed and fled: but the next daye xxxi. of his seruauntes that by commaundemente wayted vponupon him were apprehended, and though one word of the Popes mouth mighe hauehave saued their liues, yet they were all hā ged but one, who being but a striplin for wāt of an hangmā was promised pardon if he would hang the rest: who pausing there at a while (because his owne father and brother were of the same companye) did yet at the last for sauinge of his owne life do the execution both on his father, brother and the rest, weeping tenderlye at this hard hap. And yet he also should afterwarde hauehave beene hanged, but at ye people moued with compassion, sued for his life.
This Boniface receyued to fauour maister Adam an Englishe Cardinal being skilfull in the Hebrew tongue. He banished vtterlye the Earle of Fundus, who at the first procured the discord. He raigned ouer the Romaynes not like a bishop, but like a saluage tyrant Nero or Caligula. He suspectinge diuers Romaynes of treason against him, did cause them to be put to death. He repayred and fortifyed ye Pallaice Vatican, the Capitol Angell Castel. There was neuer Pope that bare such rough sway ouer the Romaynes sayth Crantzius. He had no learning, but coueted to encrease the pompe of his estate, and therfore deuised a lawe whereby he purloyned the soueraintye of the world, that is, that it should not be lawfull for anye of the clergye to enter on a benefice which he shoulde obtaine, vnlesse he payed the first fruites to the Apostolicall excheaker or the Popes Chamber. He put downe the Banderesians a noble estate amonge the Romaynes: also he compelled the Romaynes by a cruell lawe, to fetch home their forreine Senatour Malatesta of Pisauria. He strengthened the Citye for his owne purpose with fortresses and bulwarkes: but making warres with the Uicountes he loste Bononie. He caused Ladislaus a yong gentleman sonne to Charles king of Naples, to be Crowned kinge in his fathers Realme by the Cardinall of Florence: whereupon Sigismunde kinge of Hungary thinkinge himselfe greatlye iniuried, greate warres ensued to the myserable slaughter of Thousands, burning and spoyling of Cittyes, townes, monasteryes & castels in Hungarye: So great a thing it is to dispossesse a kinge. Boniface also canonized S. Brigit borne in Sweueland. He gaue to his cosens and kinred the aduauntage and commoditye of the Iubelye. He offended and sinned much in parcialitye, and because he subscribed & graū ted certaine abhominable indulgences and pardōs, he ran into great infamye. He kept the Iubelye at Rome Anno 1400. where manye straungers were robbed, and greate Ladyes rauished by the pezantes of the Popes court: Finallye Anno 1404. he dyed of the collicke and stone. The Summer before that Boniface dyed, there happened horrible tempestes, boisterous winds, hayle, thonder & lightninges. And in the night a certaine house (new builded by Boniface) of square stone very costlye (wherein for the time he vsed to blesse the people) had ye roofe of it blowen downe by the violence of the storme, and the timber hurled to the earth. Also the strong pinacles of Angell castle were throwne to the grounde with much other mischiefe and ruine. Also another night appeared such terrible and vehements lightning and thonder all night long, that all men beinge in a desperate feare, thought surely the Citye woulde hauehave beene ouerwhelmed withal. Another time also there was in Rome an earthquake, which though it did no hurt yet it amazed al men. Theodoricus lib. 2. cap. 33.
This Pope rooted out a superstitious sect called Albes, and burnt a priest of them who came with a great traine of that sect both men and women downe from the Alpes into Italy: for Boniface seing him come thus with his companye all in white (for yt which cause they were called Albes) was afraid as some write, least his Popeship should be taken from him by the said priest. But some (sayth Platina) say that the man did purpose no harme, but that the Pope did imagine this to put away the rumour that went, how the priest was for spite and mallice taken and put to death.