Exposition on John 5, Ephesians 6 · Verse 4
And yee fathers, prouoke not your children to wrath: but bring them vp in inſtruction and information of the Lord.
THe duties concerning the wel-nurturing of children, are of 2 kinds. 1 Such as reſpect temporall good: as, firſt, training of them vp in ciuility & good behauior: ſecondly, in a good calling. 2 Or ſuch as reſp…ct ſpirituall good, viz. that they be trained vp in piety, which in the text, and diuers other place, ais expreſly commanded of God: who alſo for this end ordained in the Law many meanes to ſtirre vp children to aske of their Parents what they meant: as of the 12 Stones, of the Paſſeouer, &c: commanding Parents to declare vntounto their children the myſtery of theſe things.
Reaſons of this are,
1 This is the beſt good that parents can doe for their children, by reaſon men exceed beaſts: by ciui…ity, ciuill men excell ſauages: but by piety, the godly man goeth beyond all other.
2 There is a nec…ſſity of this inſtructiō of them in the feare of the Lord; for by nature they hauehave no proneneſſe to it, and without this nurturing they will neuer learne.
3 This belongs to the office and charge of parents, as they who beſt know the capacity of children, and therefore are beſt able to apply inſtruction to them, and inſtruction comming from them, will take more place.
4 Becauſe children are borne of their parents in a wofull eſtate; and therefore as they hauehave beene the meanes to conuay ſinne and miſery vntounto them, ſo ſhould they labour to be a like meanes of conuaying grace.
5 This is a double band to binde them vntounto their parents in louelove and duty, when both nature and a religious conſcience ſhall ioyne both together.
6 By this meanes when parents dye, they may with greater comfort and ſecurity commend their children vntounto God.
7 This is laſtly an eſpeciall meanes of continuing and propagating the truth of religion and worſhip of God.
Now come wee to ſome directions for the perform…nce of this duty: Theſe are
1 That they be ſure, that all ſuch principles as they inſtruct their children in, be grounded on the Word of God: for it muſt be information (of the Lord.)
2 That when they beginne to learne, they be taught to read in the holy Scriptures the booke of God: as Timothy was. Compare 2 Tim 1.5. with 3.5. for ſo with learning they ſhall ſucke in Religion: and 2 there is a ſecret and diuine operation in the Word to worke holineſſe.
3 That they be daily catechized and inſtructed in the grounds of Religion, Deut. 6.7. where continually ſignifieth according to the vſuall phraſe of Scripture, as the continuall ſacrifice, that which is done day by day; but obſeruing this caueat, …hat they be not too tedious, but deale with them as it is, Eſa. 28.13. Moreouer, l…t parents take occaſion to raiſe vp the minds of their children vntounto God.
4 That they take occaſion eſpecially to declare vntounto their children the myſterie of all tho…e ordinances that God hath inſtituted in his Church, of t…e Sabbath, Sacraments, &c. So the Iſraelites were to expound to their children the Paſſeouer.
5 To prouide ſuch tutors and gouernors as are religious: ſo Hannah did put her ſonne to good old Eli, 1 Samuel 1.
6 …hat they teach them by their owne good example: as, Ioſh 1. Pſalm. 101.2. This addes an edge to all the reſt.
It remaineth to ſhew the contrary aberrations o… parents.
1 That they are onelyonly and wholly carefull for the temporall good of their children, meate, drinke, apparell, complementall carriage, and rich calling, and good marriage; in which they reſpect the good of their children no more than heathens doe.
2 Many care not in what religion they be brought vp: Such are thoſe that hauehave rich and wealthy, but popiſh friends, to whom they will put their children to be inſtructed; wherein what doe they, but ſhew themſelues moſt vnnaturall, giuing poyſon to their children, and euen ſending them to the diuell?
3 That they teach them at firſt prophane and vile bookes, neuer alſo catechize them. In which caſe the Papiſts may riſe vp againſt vsus in iudgement.
4 By ill examples they teach their children vile ſinne, euen in their c…adle.
Come wee to the ſecond branch, namely, the time of the performance of theſe duties; of which conſider 1 The beginning, when it muſt be done, 2 The contiuance, how long.
1 For the beginning: Doct. So ſoone as the childe is docible, and able to apprehend inſtruction, ſo ſoone muſt he be taught and nurtured in the feare of the Lord, Pro. 22.6. foreign The mouth of his way. Like as they giuegive children meate, as ſoone as they c…n take it with their mouth, Pro. 13.24. betimes, in the morning, Heb. viz. of his age. Pro. 4.3. tender. Then was Salomon inſtructed. 2 Tim. 3.15. an infant: So dealt Anna with Samuel a childe.
Reaſons are either priuatiue, implying an auoyding of miſchiefe: as, 1 Vnleſſe they be taught betimes, they will fall into many ſinnes, becauſe they are pron… to ſinne, Gen. 6.5. Prou. 22.15. and as ſoone as they hauehave ability, they will execute it. This is a meanes to preuent it.
2 This preuents obſtinacy and peruerſeneſſe: for within a while they will grow refractary and indocible: as Hophni and Phineas.
Or poſitiue, of fruites and benefits enſuing, namely, a good effect of their labour: becauſe, 1 Inſtruction is eaſily taught, there being an aptneſſe and inclination in youth to learne. 2 That which is learned in youth, is longeſt retained, Prou. 22.6.
Obiect. But to teach children, is but as to teach Parrots that which they vnderſtand not, and ſo 'tis but labour loſt.
Anſw. 1 The ground, 2 The conſequence is falſe: for 1 a childe, ſo ſoone as it is able to conceiue any thing, vnderſtands it better than any other creature elſe whatſoeuer. 2 Suppoſe they conceiue it not yet, 1 It is better that by this meanes they be kept from an euill courſe than let run into it.
2 This is a great meanes to helpe their vnderſtanding as wee ſee in Princes and Noble mens children, that hauehave good bringing vp, who vnderſtand more at 12. than many others at 20. yeeres.
3 As yeeres doe increaſe, ſo will they make vſe of that which they learne in youth, therefore though there be no fruit for the preſent, yet it will come afterwards: as it is in …owing of corne.
The contrary practice of parents is, who ſuffer the b…ſt yeeres of their children to be ſpent in vanity and wa…onneſſe. Where note by the way, that this point of well nurturing children, doth eſpecially belong to the mothe…, as we ſee, 2 Tim. 1.15. compared with 2 Tim. ….15. Pro. 31.1.1.8.6.20. yea, after a peculia… manner to mothers when they are young, they being then moſt familiar & conuerſant about them, in feeding▪ c…othing, &c. For this cauſe the holy Ghoſt doth expreſſe in the books of the Kings & Chronicles the mothers name; becauſe chi…dren do moſt ordinarily follow their mothers. So Salomon and Abſalon, the children of one father, but of two mothers; the one bad, the other good: ſo it is when the father is a Proteſtant, the mother a Papiſt, the children commonly are Papiſts, 2 Chr. 2….1, 3. Ahaziah fell to Idolatry, by reaſon of his mothers counſell. Which ſerues to ſtirre vp mothers to diligence in educating their children.
The ſecond branch of the time, is the Continuance. The childe muſt be inſtructed ſo long as the parents hauehave power and authority to gouerne him, which is, ſo long as he liueth, and they are parents, though there muſt be a difference put in reſpect of age.
For children are bound to parents as long as they liue, and ſo muſt be ſubiect and ruled by them. So Eli rebuked Hophni and Phineas, though they were married; and Iob had a care and command ouer his children, though they kept houſe.
Directions: That parents doe ſo wiſely carry themſelues towards their children, as they ſtill reſerue in their owne hands a power to curbe and brid…e them, euen when they are growne into yeeres. Contrary to which is their practice, which let goe the reines vntounto their children, yea, put themſelues in their childrens power, and ſtand at their courteſie. Many hauehave found the miſchiefe of this: as Dauid did in Abſalom,
Concerning the meanes of Helpe, for the performance of this duty of education: they are two,
Frequent admonition: foreign, to put into the mind more by inſtruction.
Due correction: foreign, comprehending both.
1 Doct. That to inſtruction muſt bee added admonition, that is, they muſt labour to whet theſe things into the hearts of their children, to make a deeper impreſſion, Deut. 6.7, 8. Eccleſ. 12.11. Prou. 7. Becauſe the apprehenſion of children is very weake, and ſickly; and therefore vnleſſe that which is taught bee vrged, it will ſlip away. Parents therefore muſt obſerue the inclination of their children, and accordingly vrge and expreſſe vponupon them thoſe things they hauehave taught them.
Contrary is the practice of thoſe, who thinke it ſufficient to hauehave told their children, what is to be done; but goe no further, complaining of great labor and paine that it is to bee ſtill in admoniſhing of them.
2 Doct. Correction muſt bee added to Admonition:
and this is either
Verball, properly called Reprehenſion.
Reall, properly called Correction.
Reproofe goeth in the middle between Inſtruction and Correction, as a meanes to helpe the former, and preuent the latter. That a father muſt reprooue his childe, is plaine by Pro. 15.5. For if it bee a commendation of a childe to hearken to reproofe, it is a duty of parents to reprooue: ſee Gen. 34.30. Gen. 49.4, 5, 6, 7.
The reaſon is, becauſe of the fruit that thence doth ariſe: ſee Prou. 6.23.10.17.15.31. The fruite of it is life and knowledge, 15.32. & chap. 24.25. The bleſſing of good, that is, of God.
Motiues to vſe this reproofe may be, 1 It doth preuent Correction. 2 It may be performed, when the other cannot be done, as in ſickneſſe, infancy, and elder yeeres.
Contrary to this, is the too indulgent carriage of parents towards their children: as Dauid to Adoniah, 1 King. 1.6.
Reall Correction is next: it is not ſufficient to admoniſh, but it this ſerue not, God hath giuen author…ty to parents to correct them with ſtripes and blowes, according to their age; yea, God hath g…uen them a charge to doe it, and therein hath made himſelfe a patterne to parents, in corre…ting His Children after admonition and reproofe, giuen by his Miniſt…rs: and this muſt be done, becauſe of the peruerſeneſſe of children.
Reaſo…s is of it are, 1 In reſpect of the chi…de, which are
1 Priuatiue good; Correction is as purging phyſick, and as a ſalue curing and purging the corrup…ion of the ſoule, Pro. 22.15.20 30.23.13. In this reſpect it is ſaid to deliuer from death, both temporall, and eternall, and▪ 23.14. from hell; and therefore parents muſt not in fooliſh affection vrge the painfulneſſe of correction, but in iudgement conſider the fruit thereof. 2 Poſitiue good: it teacheth wiſedome, Prou. 29 15. But ſome will ſay, that inſtruction is ſufficient to teach them, what is good and euill. Anſw. The greateſt wiſedome is in the pra…tice, which hereby is learned, bringing them to a neerer obſeruation of thoſe things that are taught; therefore it is an error in parents, that ſay that children kept vnderunder Correction, are ſots: ſee Prou. 13.24.
2 In reſpect of parents 1 Hereby they ſpare much paine: for this will make inſtruction more powerfull, though few times deliuered, than without it oftentimes inculcated. 2 This preuents ſhame and griefe to parents. 3 Hereby they acquit themſelues of being acceſſary to the ſinne, and ſo guilty of the blood of their children: as Eli was puniſhed for not reſtraining his children. 4 Hereby they ſhall bring eaſe, quiet, and ioy vntounto themſelues, Prou. 29.17. when the childe is made ſo carefull, and watchfull of his duty, that the parents may bee ſecure of his good carriage.
5 If all theſe faile, yet hee hath the teſtimony of a cleare conſcience, in the diſcharge of his duty.
Directions for the well and ſeaſonable performance hereof, regard firſt, the matter, ſecondly, the manner, thirdly, the vſe.
1 The matter why the childe ſhould bee corrected:
1 The parent muſt be ſure, that hee correct his child iuſtly for a fault; otherwiſe he will be but prouoked againſt his father; for there be fathers that correct their children for their pleaſures, Heb. 12.10.
2 That as he puniſheth them for a fault, ſo they make known this fault vntounto them, after the example of God, Pſal. 50.21. 3 To correct eſpecially for thoſe faults, which they may ſhew out of the Word of God, to bee faults; and ſo ſhew that God is alſo thereby offended: for this will make them feare the more.
2 Manner. Generall rules: 1 That parents in correcting, doe call vponupon God, for themſelues, that they may bee directed; and for their children, that they may reape benefit, becauſe that they are ſubiect to paſſion, and the childs nature is againſt it. 2 That correction bee done in louelove, as in all things, 1 Cor. 16.14 ſo eſpecially to children, who take it as a matter of iudgement, in their parents. 3 That it be done, with a milde mind and calme affections, and to put it off, if rage and fury ariſe: as God doth, Ier. 10.24.
Particular rules.
1 That the quality and condition of the childe bee obſerued, and accordingly to meaſure our correction:
2 That reſpect bee had vntounto the fault, according to the greatneſſe and ſmalneſſe of it, &c.
For Prayers.
3 The vſe: 1 To obſerue the dealing of God towards them in correcting of them; which parents may obſerue by their correcting of their children, with what pitty and compaſſion they doe it.
2 To obſerue, that in correcting their children, they correct their owne ſinnes, and that the thing for which they correct them, came by their owne occaſion.
Aberrations in this point are,
1 Too much indulgence. 2 Too much ſeuerity.
Duties of parents in regard of the riper yeeres of their children, when they are youths, are of two kinds.
1 Prouiding of its place and perſonall calling for the exerciſe of that gift, whereunto they hauehave beene heretofore trained vp: ſo Samuel made his ſons Iudges, 1 Sam. 8.1. So Iſhai had diuers ſonnes, whom he placed in ſeuerall callings, ſome ſoldiers, ſome ſhepheards: a calling of eſteeme in countries.
Reaſons are. 1 By this meanes they come to make vſe of that ability and faculty, which they hauehave obtained by their parents, in training of them vp; and without this they forget the ſame, like ſchollers that after long ſtudy hauehave no further calling.
2 Becauſe by this meanes they come to doe more good to the Church and Common-wealth; for before, they are but in preparation, and their paines (as of prentices) may in ſome ſort bee profitable, yet they are not till afterwards counted members of the Commonwealth properly.
3 By this meanes they come to liue of themſelues and doe more good to others; whereas before, their paines and gaines were for their maſters.
4 By this meanes they traine vp others, as themſelues hauehave been trained vp before, and ſo there is a ſucceſſion of calling, and a maintenance of Church and commonwealth.
Directions: Obſerue 2 Cautions.
1 That they bee carefull to place them in ſuch a calling as they hauehave beene trained vp vntounto in their young yeeres. Bezaleel and Aholiab were choſen to the worke of the Tabernacle, becauſe they were skilfull men, Exod. 25. It is not fit, of a prentice to make a miniſter.
2 That the meanes of placing them be good, lawfull and honeſt, that thus entring in by thoſe meanes that God hath ordained and warranted, they may depend vponupon his bleſsing, as beeing thereunto called by him, 1 Cor. 7.17. What miſchiefs follow vponupon an vnconſcionable entrance, all know.
Aberration in two extremes:
1 Careleſneſſe of thoſe that thinke it enough to hauehave beſtowed education vponupon their children; and ſo account themſelues diſcharged, ſaying, that they will leaue them then to depend vponupon Gods prouidence. (But we muſt know, that God appoynts meanes, without the vſe of which, we cannot looke for a bleſsing.) Others ſaying, that their children may ſhift for themſelues: iuſt like brute beaſts, that leaue their young ones when they are able to feede themſelues. And thus by their negligence, many times their children come to be very drones in the Common-wealth.
2 When parents are too prepoſterous and raſh in prouiding a calling, not conſidering whether the place be fit or no for their children, but onelyonly whether it be gainefull and profitable, or of credit.
3 Another is, of thoſe that make no conſcience of bringing their children into a calling, into the Miniſtery by Simony, &c.
2 The ſecond duty is, concerning marriage, that they be carefull to prouide marriage for them in due and fit time; a plaine duty of parents, Ier. 29.6. and 1 Cor. 7.36, 37. in practice, Gen. 28.2, 6. and 27.46. Agar learned ſo much in Abrahams houſe, Gen. 21.21. and and ſo did God with the firſt man, Gen. 2.18.
Reaſons, 1 Becauſe children muſt waite vponupon their parents conſent, and therefore they ought to prouide for them.
2 Parents ſtand in Gods ſtead, and ſo muſt bee a meanes of ſeeking a marriage for them.
3 Marriage is a needfull meanes to keepe their veſſels in holineſſe; and heereby is a holy ſeede preſerued, Mal. 2.15.
Directions, 1 That children may hauehave a free conſent, and that they be not forced: After Gods example, who brought the woman that he had made, vntounto Adam, to ſee whether he liked her or no, Gen. 2.22. & 24.57. for this is the neereſt, ſureſt, & ſtrongeſt band, and ought not to be vndertaken without the parties good liking.
2 That the match be fit for them, Gen. 2.20.
Fit, 1 In Religion, Deut. 7.3.
2 In age: So God made the woman perfect at the firſt, as Adam, not a childe.
3 In ſtate, in ſome equality, elſe ſcorne and diſdaine may ariſe.
Aberrations in two extremes.
1 Careleſneſſe in prouiding marriage, letting them paſſe the flowre of their age.
2 Too much raſhneſſe, before they know what a wife and husband meane: and a third, prouiding vnmeet matches for them, ioyning them idiots, fooles, papiſts, prophane; ſo they be wealthy.
Meanes for the better performance of thoſe duties, are,
1 That parents hauehave a care to prouide a ſtocke and portion for their children, 2 Corinth. 12.14. Whereas ſome obiect, Math. 6.19. wee anſwer, 1 That Chriſt aimeth heere at couetouſneſſe: ſo as the foole laid vp riches.
2 Hee condemnes the manner, as beeing the onelyonly thing which they doe, before and aboue the care of heauenly things.
3 The meaſure, heaping vp without meaſure.
Directions. 1 That this meaſure be not vniuſtly gotten, Prou. 10.2.
2 That they be not couetous, ſetting themſelues to make themſelues and their children rich.
3 That this be not a pretence for vncharitableneſſe.
Contrary to this is, 1 when men liue at the vttermoſt extent of their liuing, ſo that they can lay vp nothing.
2 When men liue aboue their liuing, and caſt themſelues behinde hand.
3 When any inſnare their children, by cauſing them to be bound for them, and ſo breake their backes, and become their vndoers.
4 Couetouſneſſe, when parents lay vp indeed, but will part with nothing to their children before their death.