Exposition on John 5, Ephesians 5-6 · Verses 25-33 – Verse 33
Epheſ. 5.25, 26. &c. to verſ. 33.
Euen as Chriſt loued the Church, and gaue himſelfe for it.
So ought men to louelove their wiues as their owne bodies: he that loueth his wife, loueth himſelfe.
For no man euer ye… hated his owne fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it, &c.
HAuing handled the duties, wee come to the manner how the husband ought to performe them. In theſe words the Apoſtle ſets it downe, propounding
Firſt, 2. patternes for him to follow.
1 Of the Church.
2 Of a mans owne ſelfe.
Secondly, 2. r…aſons drawne from the examples, namely, the ſimilitude and r…lation in them, that there is great reaſon why the husband ſhould louelove his wife, hee being as neere to her, as Chriſt to the Church, and himſelfe to his owne fleſh.
In the example of Chriſt, 6 Circumſtances are to be obſerued, in regard, 1 Of the Order, 2 Truth, 3 Quality, 4 Condition, 5 Meaſure, 6 Continuance of his louelove to the Church.
In all which we will conſider of three points.
1 To ſh…w how Chriſt loued the Church.
2 How wee muſt follow him.
3 How wee come ſhort of our duty.
1 Order: Chriſt firſt loued the Church, and ſo drew her on to louelove him againe; which as it is heere intimated by that which the Apoſtle ſaith, that he purged and cleanſed her, ſignifying, that before hee ſet his …oue on her, ſhe was polluted and vncleane: ſo it is plainly proued by that in 1 Iohn 4.19. and Cant. 1.2.
In like manner ought husbands to beginne in louelove to prouoke and to draw their wiues on: as well by their example, as inſtruction, eſpecially conſidering that is the weaker veſſell.
Contrary to which, is that vntowardnes of ſome huſbands, which ſo little regard their wiues kindneſſe, and dutifull ſubiection, that though they hauehave neuer ſo louing wiues, yet they will neuer louelove. And this is it that makes the wiues ſubiection burdenſome.
2 Truth: Chriſts louelove was not only in affection and word, but alſo in deed and truth; which appeares by that hee gaue himſelfe for the Church, and the effect, viz. the purging of the Church ſhewes it.
Such ought the husbands louelove be toward the wife: For if to louelove indeed, be a duty impoſed on all, towards all, 1 Iohn 3.18. much more towards a wife, which is not onelyonly a ſiſter, 1 Cor. 9.5. but neerer, and d…arer to her husband than any other in the world beſides.
The practice of moſt is contrary vntounto this, who in word will pretend great louelove, but when they come to deeds, performe iuſt nothing. Like ſuters that will promiſe golden mountaines, &c. ſo are there many that will weepe with their wiues, and make great ſhew of kind…neſſe, but when it comes to coſt and charges, they may doe full…ill for all them.
3 Quality: Chriſts louelove was an holy, chaſte and pure ſo…e, as appeares by the effect, that by it he purged and ſan…tified his ſpouſe: Wherefore alſo, leſt hee ſhould ſeeme to louelove more than one, hee hath vnited all by one ſpirit, and ſo made one body of all.
So betweene husband and wife, though their …oue ought to bee exceeding great, yet muſt it bee ioyned with purity, ſobriety, and holineſſe: as the Apoſtle ſaith, Heb. 13.14. Where he calleth the marriage bed vndefiled.
Two …ffects of this are, 1 That it reſtraines this matrimoniall louelove only to their owne wiues. (foreign) 2 That it doth moderate LoueLove, that it turne not into luſt.
Contrary vntounto this, is the practice not onelyonly of Adulterers, which louelove others beſides their owne wiues, but alſo of ſuch husbands, who both in words & deeds will behaue themſelues towards their wiues with as much wickednes & filthines▪ as vntounto ſtrumpets, neu…r obſeruing any circumſtances of time, place, meaſure, &c.
4 Condition: Chriſts louelove was free, nothing in th… Church mooued him to louelove, no benefit redounded to him by her louelove; but his owne goodneſſe was the cauſe of it: For though Chriſt beſtowing many graces on the Spouſe, doth d…light in her as in his owne worke, ye… this was no motiue without him to louelove her, but e…en his louelove is the ground of his louelove, Deut. 7.7, 8.
So though there be nothing in the wife to moue the husband to louelove her, yet ought he therefore to louelove her, becauſe ſhee is his wife, and that God hath ioyned them together, endeuouring, if it be poſſible, by inſtruction and example, to make her amiable as Chriſt did the Church.
Contrary is the practice of thoſe that louelove no longer than they hauehave outward baites, either of beauty, riches, parentage, or honor, &c. Such louelove is not of their wiues indeed, but of thoſe outward things.
5 Meaſur…: Chriſts louelove is indeed out of meaſure: he gaue his life for the Church, Iohn 10.11. than which no louelove can be greater, Io…n 15.13. And he that will not ſpare his l…fe, what will hee ſpare?
But will ſome ſay, This ſeemes a hard matter, and not for our imitation, that wee ſhould lay downe our liues for our wiues: But yet ſo it is, for beſides that the compariſon heere doth expreſly lay it downe, Saint Iohn, 1 Iohn 3.16. ſaith, that we ſhould lay downe our liues for our brethren: and then the argument holds a maiore ad maius, that if for th…m, much more for our wiues: But heere ſome cautions are to be obſerued:
1 That when it commeth to this high pitch of louelove, there be an abſolute neceſsit…, that the good cannot be effected by any other meanes: as the benefit of the Church could hauehave beene wrought by no other meanes than by the death of Chriſt.
2 That the good wh…ch wee intend for them, be of greater value, than our liues, as for the good of their ſoules, 2 Cor. 12.15.
3 That we do… it not raſhly, but hauehave a iuſt and w…rrantable calling thereunto.
Contrary to this is it, that many will preferre any thing before their wiues good, as the caſe of coſts and charges, &c.
6 Co…tinu…ce: Chriſts louelove is conſtant and perpetuall, without intermiſſion: after the firſt b…ginneth to louelove, he purgeth her more & more, and neuer …eaues her, till he make her a glorious Church in heauen, Ioh. 13.1.
This a…ſo muſt be added to the reſt, that the husband doe perſeuere conſtant in his louelove: for this puts the Crowne on, and bringeth renowne to the party louing, and profit to the party loued. To this hee muſt hauehave care,
1 That it be grounded on a ſure rocke and foundation, namely, on the ordinance of God, becauſe that now they are made one fleſh: and not on the ſand, as beauty, or riches, which will weare away, and then this louelove do…h faile with them.
2 That hee arme himſelfe againſt all thoſe things which may ouerthrow the building: and hauing once determined to doe thus and thus for her, to doe it notwithſtanding all oppoſitions.
Contrary to this, is the louelove of many, which at firſt is as hot as fire, afterwards as cold as Ice, or none at all, and ſo alwayes variable as the winde: which ſhewes that it was but a naturall louelove.
Now then, by this compariſon we may ſee what we muſt aime at, and ſo labour to be perfect. 2 By beholding how farre wee come ſhort of our duty, wee ſhall finde much matter of humiliation and amendment.
The 2 patterne is of a mans owne ſelfe. It ſeemes ſtrange why this ſhould be added; for is not the example of Chriſt perfect? Yes: neuertheleſſe, the Apoſtle addes this for very good reaſon, becauſe that this is moſt ſenſible, and ſo beſt perceiued: for a man that knowes not Chriſt, knowes how hee loues himſelfe: Wh…refore becauſe ſome might ſay, that the former is a matter of impoſsibility; the Apoſtle prouideth for vsus an eaſier patter…e to fo…low, wherein are nor laid downe more duties than in the other▪ but the ſame things are vrged more ſenſibly, and theref…re we need no… to ſtand long vponupon it: …et ſome poynts doe more euidently appeare in this: as firſt, Cheerefulneſſe: No man loues himſelfe repiningly, accounting it as a taske laid vponupon him.
2 Willingneſſe: eueryevery one is willing and ready to doe any thing that may be beneficiall to his own body.
3 Tenderneſſe: which wee ſee plaine by naturall experience, how tenderly a man will handle his own fleſh. So the Apoſtle ſaith, that none hateth his owne fleſh: but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it (foreign.) The metaphor is taken from birds that houer their wings ouer their young ones, or that ſit vponupon their egges. We ſee how tenderly they doe it.
4 Intireneſſe: no man can diſſemble with himſelfe, for eueryevery thing that a man doth, is knowne to himſelfe, and hee will pretend no more but that which hee doth intend.
Now according to theſe points ought the husband to performe his dutie towards his wife, which if nature cannot moue him to doe it, becauſe indeed this bond is ſpirituall and myſticall, and not naturall, then ought …aſon, religion, and conſcience make him to performe it.
Now let vsus conſider theſe patternes, as they are motiues and reaſons to ſtirre vp husbands to the practice of their duties; where firſt we ſee that the arguments are drawne from examples, which many times are of more force to perſwade than reaſon: and therfore heere the Apoſtle maketh choyce of them. But among examples, what doe moue vsus more than thoſe of Great men? Now who is greater than Chriſt? Beſides that, his example is alſo a rule of perfection.
That wee may ſee the weight of this argument, two poynts are to be noted.
1 The great diſparity that is betweene the Church and Chriſt, which appeareth in two branches:
1 The greatneſſe of Chriſt, who is in Script…e compared,
1 To creatures: ſo hee is more excellent than the excellenteſt of them all, namely, the Angels, Philip. 2.9. Epheſ. 1.21.
2 To God: he is eueryevery way equall to God, no whit inferiour vntounto him, P…il. 2.6. ſo that hee is Eternall, Infinite, Incomprehenſible, and to be adored as God himſelfe.
2 The baſeneſſe and meann…ſſe of the Church: ſhe is but a creature, and that corrupt and defi…ed through ſinne. Yea, take eueryevery one of vsus in our ſelues, and wee are more odious in Gods ſight, than any creature elſe, beſide the diuels.
But betweene man and woman, there is no ſuch difference; but they are equall in reſpect of gifts of graces by Creation, and alſo by Redemption: And in regard of infirmities, both were made of the duſt, both tainted with the ſame corruption, and ſubiect to the ſame end. The difference that is, is only outward for ciuill reſpects, in ſexe, ſtate and conditions, &c. And ſecondly, it is onelyonly momentany, extending it ſelfe but to this life, Math. 22.30.
Now then, if Chriſt, who is infinitely more excellent than the Church, hauehave yet choſen her to bee his ſpouſe, and doth ſo louelove her; this ought to be a ſtrong argument to mooue husbands to louelove their wiues, betweene whom there is ſo little diſparity.
2 The 2 point is, the ſmall benefit that Chriſt gets by the louelove of the Church: If we aske what it is? We anſwer, It's nothing. For neither hee needeth to receiue any thing of her, being already full of the abundance of all good things, neither is ſhe able to giuegive any thing of her owne, becauſe ſhe receiues all from him, Iob 35.7. But much comfort and profit comes to a man by his wife: Yea, and that in his innocent eſtate, Gen. 2.18. and therefore is it ſaid, that he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, Prou. 18 22.
Wherefore if Chriſt, who ſtood in no n…ed of the Church, yet did ſo louelove her, as to come from heauen to dye for her, to giuegive her all good things, &c. Let it then bee a ſhame for husbands not to louelove their wiues, of whom they doe receiue great helpe and comfort.
Now we are the rather diligent, to marke and take heed to this example of Chriſt, becauſe that it wipes away all pretences that men vſually bring for their not louing of their wiues: As,
1 Some wil ſay that they are too great, & their wiues too meane. To ſuch we ſay, 1 That after the marriage ſolemnized, the wife is partaker of their honour. 2 That if they looke vponupon Chriſt, there was a greater diſparity betweene him and the Church.
2 Some will ſay that there is nothing worth in her. But firſt, hee ought to louelove her therefore, becauſe ſhe is now his wife. 2 What was there in the Church, that Chriſt could louelove and effect? and though hee louelove thoſe graces in her, which are of his owne beſtowing, yet he loued her, before he beſtowed thoſe on her.
3 Some will ſay, that they be ſo peruerſe, that they deſerue rather hatred than louelove. But, 1 this ought not to ſtir vsus vp to hatred, but rather to ſhew our wiſedome to amend it. 2 The Church it ſelfe is full of corruption, rebellion, and prouocation to anger and wrath, yet Chriſt continues ſtill to louelove her.
4 Some will ſay, that ſhe will doe mee no good, but be a burden to mee all my life. If this come through ſome infirmity, yet may ſhee doe thee good by her patience and well-bearing of this affliction.
2 If it be a wilfull peruerſenes, yet this is no charitable cenſure: for louelove hopes the beſt. 3 Let him conſider what good & profit the Church yeelds vntounto Chriſt.
2 Concerning the other patternes of a mans owne ſelfe, this likewiſe is added to the former, not as a greater or ſtronger motiue, but as that which more ſenſibly and eaſily is perceiued of vsus, than the former. Wherein the Apoſtle ſendeth vsus to the ſchoole of nature, (No man euer yet hated his owne fleſh.) Seeing then that by the ordinance of God, a mans wife is made as neere to him as his owne fleſh: therefore as nature teacheth him to louelove and cheriſh the one, ſo ought conſcience and religion teach him to louelove the other: for his wife is himſelfe.
Therefore 1 As in his body, if one member be cured, all reioyce at it: ſo if he be helpefull and louing to his wife, himſelfe ſhall reape the comfort of it.
2 As likewiſe if any one be neglected and receiue hurt, the damage redoundeth to the head and other parts: ſo if the wife be not tendered and cared for, the hurt and ſmart will be the husbands.
Therefore eueryevery one of you, doe yee ſo: let eueryevery one louelove his wife euen as himſelfe, and l…t the wife ſee that ſhee feare her husband, verſ. 33.)
IN this Verſe is laid down the concluſion of all, conc…rning a briefe ſumme of the matter which before hee had deliuered, briefely repeating and applying it. Out of them we learne two points.
1 That eueryevery one ought to apply that to himſelfe in particular, which the Miniſter ſpeaks to all in generall. (EueryEvery one doe ſo) This duty Chriſt doth often imply in his Sermons: as, Mar. 13.37. Luk. 8.8. but more plainely in thoſe 7 concluſions to the 7 Churches, Reuel. 2. & 3. when after a general inſtruction to al, he wils eueryevery one to apply it particularly to himſelfe. But they might think that what was ſpoken to all in generall, was ſpoken to none. The reaſon is, becauſe herein conſiſts the profit of the Word; for who can take comfort by the promiſes, vnleſſe that he be perſwaded they belong to him? Who regardeth the iudgements and threatnings, vnleſſe he in particular can tremble at them? Or who taketh profit by direct…on o…t of the Word, but he who thinketh with himſelfe, I ought to do thus and thus, &c?
The vſe is: That as wee hauehave heard the particular duty of man and wife laid downe, ſo eueryevery one in that ſtate and condition ſhould now make vſe of them to himſ…lfe in particu…ar. 1 Such as hauehave beene married, that examining themſelues by this rule, 1 They may hauehave ioy and comfor… of that which they ſhall finde themſelues to hauehave done well. 2 To be humbled for that wh…rein they hauehave failed. 2 Such as are ma…ried, that they may learn to amend what is amiſſe, and to hold on conſtātly in what they perform aright. 3 Such as may be married, that they may know how to perform their duties according to the word of …od and not be led away with the common cuſtome and practice of the world.
2 That as we muſt apply, ſo we muſt know what to apply, namely, eueryevery one his owne particular duty. (Therfore Paul biddeth eueryevery husband to louelove his wife, and eueryevery wife to feare her husband.) For eueryevery one is to giuegive an account for the neglect, or performance of his owne duty; neither ſhall any man be condemned for another mans fault, Ezek. 18.20. The husband ſhall not be blamed for his, wiues fault, nor benefited by her obedience, if he neglect his own duty: as if they muſt needs goe both to heauen together. But if one hauehave a care, and the oth…r be careleſſe of his duty, though heere the coniunction be neere, yet heer…after ſhall there be a perpetuall ſeparation, Luke 17.38.
The want of this particu…ar application, is the very bane of marriage: for whilſt th… husband is rigorous to exact his wiues duty, & the wife looks only to that how her husband ought to …oue her, & comfort her it comes to …ſſe that neither of them regard their owne: ra…h…r let the husband looke to his owne, and the wife to hers, that both of them, he for his louelove, ſhe for h…r own obedience, may receiue of God a recompence of reward.